The split second you have before you react is worth A LOT !!!

Learn how to use the seconds you have before reacting to a trigger to your advantage.

This lesson is so extremely valuable and dear to my heart because engaging in conscious responding instead of lashing out made it possible for me to have better more genuine relationships and stand up for myself without being defensive about it.

Enjoy

Aurora

In this episode and many other episodes I touch on topics that I usually work on with my clients. Here in my podcast it will be targeted to a broad spectrum of people. If you'd like to go more into depth with a topic I address, reach out to me.

with love and much respect

Aurora

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Unknown: 00:00:00

Hello, Hello and welcome to the Borealis

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experience. I'm your host Aurora, life coach and companion

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on this beautiful journey called life.

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I'm so happy to be spending some time with you today. I hope you

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feel good. I hope you feel safe.

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I hope you feel understood and supported. And if you don't, I

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hope I can bring you some light ness and goodness into your

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life, hope and reflection and empowerment, all the good

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things. Today is a little bit of a different background noise

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than usual, no barking dogs, no lawnmowers, no quads, but I'm on

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the road, getting things done. And figured I don't want to skip

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out on an episode on posting my episode for you this week. So a

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little bit of rain and engine background noise for you today.

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The last couple of episodes, I talked about your anxiety, your

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nervousness, how to get a grip on the thoughts that trigger

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anxiety and how to make sure that you give your body

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everything it needs. So that the anxiety that nervousness is not

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actually coming from your body trying to signal you that it

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wants attention. It wants water, it wants sleep, it wants food,

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it wants touch. So you have to make sure that you fulfill all

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the needs of your body first, to then go deeper into your thought

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pattern. And sometimes we have thought patterns that really

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benefit us. Some people are really capable and strong when

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it comes to using their mind to their advantage. And for some of

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us, I belong to those people. It is difficult. The monkey mind

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just does what it does. It is taking over the steering wheel

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and kind of tries to control your life with belief systems

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that are not serving you 100% anymore, or sometimes even

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really destructive. It make your relationships difficult. They

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make your feelings about your self cloudy and unclear. And

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yeah, so today I want to talk about the split second you have

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when you have a thought, and you want to act upon it, you want to

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react you want to respond. And we always think that responding

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reacting acting has to do with the people around us we are

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responding to our environment. But sometimes you sit alone in a

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room or you're trying to go to sleep, and the swords pop up.

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And the swords become your beliefs become how you feel in

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that moment. And those feelings can be so strong that they even

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affect your body, they can put your body into an anxious or

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angry state. And then we have a whole mess going on not only in

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our mind, but also through our body and sensations there. So

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today, I want to talk about the gap, I think it would have would

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have been echo Charley, or some other super spiritual awesome

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person out there who's helping millions of people around the

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globe. So this idea doesn't stem from my ideas. But I felt like

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sharing this with you. So they call it the gap. And this is

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something that you can practice in meditation. When you sit

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there and silence and stillness and you observe your thoughts.

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And if you do that practice while you're feeling somewhat

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okay or even good, you will notice that your thoughts that

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are floating by like as if you were watching a river and your

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thoughts are just floating by that they are fairly positive.

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Maybe you think of to do lists. Maybe you think of a person that

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you want to meet in the future. You think of a conversation that

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you had in the past. Whatever your mind comes up with, and you

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just observe you don't hook into one sock and then go into the

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rabbit hole of that thought and elaborate on Assad. You just

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notice, oh, there's this thoughts floating by, you let it

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float by.

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And that was the hardest part for me to, to learn meditating

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because I thought, oh, I need to not think of anything, I have to

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sit in stillness and not allowed to scratch when I need to

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scratch. But what I've learned is when you meditate, you're

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training your mind to listen to your conscious, and to explore

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what your unconscious mind is coming up with. So you

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consciously choose the thoughts that you want to engage in. That

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is what you train when you are in a safe environment and

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stillness, silence by yourself. And you train this to then when

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you go out into the world, and you are feeling triggered by

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other people or circumstances, that you come back to that

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stillness. And remember that you have the power to create a space

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a gap. And be it only 12345 seconds before you react to that

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thought. So again, we come back to your stillness and safe place

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session, where you decide which side you're following, and which

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not. Maybe you don't follow any thought. And you just let

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everything flowed by. And you tune into your breath, you tune

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into your body and feel sensations, feel your your

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buttocks, touching the ground, fear your hands, maybe squeezing

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your legs, you're here and the present moment, and your

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thoughts are just floating by. And the more often you train

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your mind to not hook into a thought into a belief, the more

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you will feel in power over these thoughts. So that if you

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are going out into the real world, and meet with a person

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who says something that doesn't quite string, a good cord, so to

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say that doesn't feel good. You give yourself that break that

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gap before reacting. So instead of telling yourself, Oh, I gotta

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be positive all day long, I'm not allowed to react, I have a

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nice smile on my face, you know, like toxic positivity kind of

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thing. You just become aware of what happens in that split.

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Second, when somebody says something that triggers you. Or

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you feel your heart rate going up, or you feel like you're

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tensing up, or you lash or you feel like running away, notice

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the reaction, the physical reaction that you have. And

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notice the thoughts that pop up, and don't engage in them. So

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let's take Auntie Susan, who's on your case, because he's still

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not married, or you're freshly divorced, and you're single and

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you're enjoying your life, but you really shouldn't be enjoying

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your life because you should get married again and have children

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bla bla bla bullshit expects expectations from the outside

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world. Instead of becoming defensive with autism, you just

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take a breath, take a couple seconds. And also add this

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little sentence to your repertoire to your tool set.

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This is her experience. This is her expectations towards

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herself. She's trying to put that onto me. And I choose to

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not take it it's like a gift. And I'm not gonna receive it

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because I don't want it it's not in alignment with my values in

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that second and those couple seconds that you take a break,

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breathe, think about what was just gifted to you. You will

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then be able to gracefully react and to respond in a way that is

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so kind and so loving and so direct. And so awesome

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boundaries setting style, that you can say something like I

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really appreciate your concern about my happiness and how I

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should live my life but I I think I'm on a different path.

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Now, I think I want to, you know, explore who I am,

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become the person I meant to be. And let's see how that's gonna

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unfold. So what you're doing there is you stay in connection

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with that person, you don't act as an asshole, even though

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that's would be the quick fix, so to say, and you tell the

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person to fuck off in the nicest way ever, when nobody can say

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anything. And you set a boundary. So that person knows

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now that, okay, well, that person has different values than

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I have. Maybe I want to keep a distance to them, maybe I want

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to be curious about them. But you basically tell the person in

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front of you how you want to be treated. What I used to do, and

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I'm still doing it, very guilty of doing that, I start avoiding

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people who make me feel very uncomfortable, I just smile and

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nod, and then walk away. And in the end, I feel shitty, I feel

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so bad, I feel eaten up from the inside, and I'd dump everything

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onto my boyfriend, who then has to help me to feel better. And

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that's not fair. If I was to set boundaries right away, if I was

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to train my mind, to not react in the moment when a person

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triggers me to know that I have the strength to set a boundary

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and to tell people, Hey, this is not making me feel any good. And

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this is not what I want to talk about right now. Then I feel

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empowered about myself, and the other person also knows, okay,

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in the future, they don't need to bring up that topic again. So

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what I'm doing is that I'm standing up for myself, at the

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same time standing up for my relationship, protecting my

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boyfriend from being a miserable little bit. And the other person

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knows that I want to stay in contact with them. But I have

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conditions under which I want to be in relation with them. So

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this is the split second that you have before you really act

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before you respond. And you can widen that gap to your liking.

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To the point that people will repeat their question and be

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like, Hello, are you here? Are you listening? And you'll be

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like, Yeah, I'm listening. I'm just trying to respond in a way

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that is reasonable, but also true to myself. So don't be shy

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to try it out. Especially when you are in a good place. But

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also, if you don't feel so good right now. To make space to sit

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in stillness and silence and to not engage in your thoughts.

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Especially if you don't feel good to just let them float by

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and to see what happens to tune into your breath to fear your

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body. And this is a tool that you can take into the world

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where ever you go and it will serve you so well. I know this

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first. All right, I'm gonna leave you with this. Check out

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my website, Aurora Eggert coaching.com Find out how I can

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support you on a deeper level. If you enjoy my podcast, make

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sure to leave a review share with people you care. And I will

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be out there for you very soon again. Also, if you have

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requests for future podcast episodes, shoot me a message on

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Facebook and I will make sure to have it out there in a timely