The Freedom To Parent Your Family Differently

What happens when the best decision for your family doesn't make sense to everyone else?

In this episode, we share the story behind a vacation decision that surprised some people: taking only our three oldest children on a family trip while our younger children stayed home. What started as a practical choice became a powerful reminder that parents have the freedom and responsibility to make decisions based on the unique needs of their own family.

Too often, parents feel pressure from culture, social media, friends, family members, and even other Christians about how they should raise their children. But many parenting decisions are not about right versus wrong. They are about wisdom, season, calling, and faithfully stewarding the children God has entrusted to you.

We discuss how foster care helped us become more confident in making unconventional decisions, why healthy families must adapt as seasons change, and how to seek God's wisdom instead of the approval of others.

If you've ever felt judged, second guessed yourself, or wondered whether you're doing enough as a parent, this conversation is for you.

In This Episode

• Why we chose to vacation with only our three oldest children

• The difference between cultural expectations and biblical wisdom

• How comparison can undermine confidence in parenting

• Why healthy families adapt as seasons change

• Practical examples of parenting differently in our own home

• How foster care shaped our perspective on family decisions

• Why every child may need a different parenting approach

• The importance of seeking wisdom instead of approval

• Learning to be comfortable being misunderstood

• Trusting God with the results of your parenting decisions

Key Takeaways

• Different does not mean wrong

• Every family has unique needs, challenges, and seasons

• Parents are called to steward the children God entrusted to them

• Not every parenting decision is a moral issue

• Comparison often leads parents away from wisdom

• Confidence grows when decisions are rooted in prayer and Scripture

• Healthy families remain flexible as circumstances change

Memorable Quotes

"Other people may not understand your parenting decisions. Other people may not agree with your parenting decisions. And guess what? They don't have to."

"We get to decide what works best for the family God has given us."

"Healthy families have to adjust with the seasons."

"Different doesn't mean wrong."

"God has entrusted your children to you. Do what's best for your children."

Scripture Referenced

1 Corinthians 12

The body of Christ has many parts, each serving a unique purpose.

Question For Reflection

What parenting decision have you been delaying because of pressure from culture, social media, friends, or family?

What might change if you sought God's wisdom before seeking everyone's approval?

Resources & Connect

Resources & Connect

Support Dream Small

If Dream Small has encouraged you and you'd like to help us continue creating content that supports foster families, adoptive families, and parents, you can support the podcast here:

https://dream-small-podcast.captivate.fm/support

Invite Us To Speak

Jason and Whitney are available to speak at churches, foster care events, conferences, retreats, and community organizations on topics including foster care, adoption, parenting, faith, leadership, and serving right where you are.

For speaking inquiries, email: [email protected]

Connect With Us

[email protected]

Instagram: @dreamsmallpodcast

Facebook: Dream Small Podcast

X: @DreamSmallShow

YouTube: @dreamsmallpodcast

If this episode encouraged you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who could use a little encouragement today.

Music Credit

"Paradise Found" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Licensed under Creative Commons.

I would say be willing to be misunderstood. Other people may not understand your parenting decisions. Other people may not agree with your parenting decisions. And guess what? They don't have to.

If your parenting decisions don't conflict with the culture of the world a little bit, what are you doing? You should have a lot of decisions that you make that conflict with this world a lot. Welcome Back to episode 53 of the Dream Small podcast.

Today we will be discussing how to have freedom to when to parent your family, how you see is best for them, how to parent your family differently because of that. We'll share what. We're recording this as soon as we're done. We're packing kids up, the van's loaded. We're going to Myrtle Beach.

Yeah, we are.

And we're only going with our three oldest.

I was gonna say there's a little caveat there.

And we're only going with our three oldest. We decided to vacation for our family.

What we needed as a family would be for us to take our three bigs, because, honestly, the littles might not even remember this vacation nor really enjoy it, but the three bigs will.

There are a lot of factors that led us to this decision.

And, yeah, that's kind of why we are recording this podcast, to have to remind people that you get to decide what your family looks like, what it does make your decisions for your family.

Society tells us, you know, to do things a certain way, and people, I think, feel compelled to conform to what society dictates as culture of the expectations.

Yeah, agreed.

Yeah. And I think we miss out on so much because of that when we're only focused on what I should do. Right, right. And I know personally, several.

When we first started our foster journey eight years ago, we knew of a family that only took their bio kids on one vacation a year.

You judged them.

I didn't judge, but I definitely had questions in my heart, in my mind, like, well, why do you leave the other kids home? Right.

Because they were little. That's why. It's because they were little, and it.

Gave them an opportunity to pour into their bio kids and their bio kids to be poured into in a way that they never get to because they always sacrifice mom and dad. Right.

So there's so many factors, but I think seeing them do that kind of reminded me that we have permission to do what's best for our family, too, and so do our listeners.

So the goal is to faithfully parent the children God has entrusted to us.

Yes.

Just because how we parent differently from that family down the street doesn't make. It makes it right for our family.

Right.

We are taking our three bigs, which is Lainey, which is Whitney's Mini Me, Benny, who is my Mini Me, and then Leah, girl who has an attitude like Whitney.

Thank you.

You know, if you know Leah, that's. You'll find that funny. So before we dig in the episode, what are you grateful for today?

I'm grateful for that van sitting out front, loaded up, ready to go, ready to hit the road.

I thought you were gonna say Chuck and Duck.

Well, there's more, like pressing things. I'm also grateful for Stephanie, who stepped up to take care of our three youngest, all under one roof.

We're afraid when we get back.

And her husband, Ed. I mean, holy moly.

I'm afraid when we get back, they're gonna disown us.

I don't think so. I think she thinks it's gonna be fine. And I just. I'm so glad.

That's why I said when we get back, yeah, it's gonna be different.

And for grandma, who's taken the dog, I mean, there's just so many factors. Like, it has been a whirlwind of a couple days just packing every human, every animal up, getting them loaded up off.

So we're literally sitting here at our.

Dining room table and our gear ready to go.

The van is full. When we're done, we're going potty, we're getting our bigs, and we're hitting the.

Road downstairs to watch tv. Whatever.

Our big kids were excited to go to Bucky's, and we've told them we're sleeping in the van tonight in a Bucky's bar. I am grateful for.

We're not really.

I am grateful for you. Because anybody who's been on vacation knows, basically, mom takes care of everybody and dad just puts the stuff in the van and drives.

When you're getting three kids to somebody else's house. I actually took care of the dog, which was the easiest job, but I took care of the house.

Okay, your two jobs. Go ahead. You tell everyone your two jobs.

Take care of the dog and make sure all the devices were charged and blue headphones, loaded headphones.

Because I told him, I said, if someone gets in that car without a headphone, they don't get their tech, and it's on you.

Seriously, though, I'm really grateful for you and all the work you do because it has been hard. Like, she's taking care of hers.

You see it? Thank you.

Yeah, I do. And all you Dads listening. If there are any dads. Listen. Make sure you appreciate your wife when she gets you guys ready to go on a family trip.

I wonder if it's like that for all families. Yes, I know it is for my sister. We saw her list.

Well, we do it because when multiple people are doing stuff, inevitably something gets forgotten.

It's too many cooks in the kitchen.

Your sister's a control freak. That's why she's doing it. I mean. Cause I could do it. It just wouldn't be as efficient or your way. Like, I could do it.

We would forget everything. So what would you go with? If truly, how many things do you think you would forget if packing a whole family, Five to eight for the reason.

Yeah, I was gonna say not total.

I also want to apologize for audio. In our last episode, we're experimenting with some different software. By we're experimenting, I mean me.

I'm experimenting with different software and I screwed it up.

If you listen to the whole thing, you notice it got better at 12 to 13 minute mark as I realized what I screwed up and tried to fix it and just never.

And poor Jason's at work Tuesday morning after launch. And I'm like, hey, the audio kind of sucks.

Well, the gal from Texas said she also. Which I appreciate because sometimes we don't catch that stuff. I actually thoroughly appreciate others reaching out.

And say, hey, so did it not sound wonky when you were editing it?

It did. I thought I just fixed it.

Gotcha. Gotcha.

All right.

Okay.

We're like. We shared. We're getting ready to do something some might find unusual. We're taking half our family to Myrtle Beach.

Half is staying with a dearly beloved friend.

Yes.

And we shared briefly, but we decided to do it.

Let's talk about what landed us there. Do you think it was my. I think I know this. Who first said you.

Because you have to sign off on it. Even if it was my idea, you need to sign off on it.

So did you plant the seed and make me say it or did I just said it? I think I just said, like, let's just. Well, for a while.

When we first talked about Myrtle beach last year, we weren't sure how many kids were going to be going. We weren't sure how many kids we were going to have. Right. And we had our other foster placement.

At that point, we did not have the baby because this has been in the works for a year.

Almost a year. Yeah.

And I remember saying, like, we don't even know who all we're Bringing.

We don't know who's gonna be in our family. Yeah. Yeah.

So we can't totally plan. But you know, as the year went on and things evolved, one of the big factors for me is our four year old with autism being at a beach local.

It's not beachfront, but it's local to the beach resort with several pools. Really scared me because he's a wanderer. We're in a non familiar place. I doubt there's kiddie locks on every little door.

Like he'd be able to leave our.

I mean ultimately the goal, how we got to this ultimately was to keep our family safe and allow us, with our three big kids, a great vacation.

Yeah. Because let's be real, if you go with a 10 month old, a 2 year old and a 4 year old, there's no vacation, there's no vacation.

It's not even. All you do is disrupt their normal and they don't enjoy it. It's parenting from a different location which makes it harder. So yeah. Yes.

We decided to take our three bigs.

And it's still a lot.

Still a lot. We're excited. Like this is the first trip where I'm actually like, yes, we're going to get to relax. I feel like we're going to have fun.

Well, the last several trips we haven't even driven together. Like we're. Half of us are going in one vehicle, which is really fun.

But anyway, so back to kind of what led us to this decision really for the opportunity for us to have a vacation. Yeah, a vacation. A true vacation. To get to enjoy the ages and stages of our three oldest kids.

Ages and stages. Look at that.

Look at me.

Yeah.

To get to pour into them for us to be able to pour into one another a little bit.

Yeah. We'll actually get time together.

Yeah. Grammy will be there. There'll be other family, extended family there that can help with the kids. Like we get to get a date night. Right.

We get to sleep all night long because Stephanie has to stay up now.

Yeah. I think. I hope we got him in a good spot.

Yeah, he's been. The baby's been doing better.

Did you have any guilt once we hit the gavel and made the decision that we're only taking the throne Diggers.

I didn't, I didn't. And honestly, you know, the, the setup that we have helped that feeling.

But someone actually said to me, it was Arkasa, she said to me the other day, she was like, wow, I really admire you. I could never go on vacation when my kids were that age and leave them home. And I'm like, well, you also didn't foster or have six children.

That's lovely to say.

I didn't say that. My point is like, yeah, I hear you. You have two children.

So there's the culture, the pressure.

There's the culture. It's almost like, are you trying to guilt me right now? Because I don't feel guilty.

I actually feel like I'm doing exactly what I need to do for my family and me.

So some parenting. Main discussion of this is just parenting the way you feel like you need to for your kids.

And we're going to give a lot of examples through our own life. But here's kind of the main. More than just vacation, main context, fear of being criticized. And everybody knows the social media.

We compare our life to other highlights. Everybody's highlight our normal to their highlights. What does your family expect? What does the culture expect? Mom guilt. It says dad.

Well, like our notes say dad guilt.

Is that a thing? I think for some guys it is. You just don't give a crap.

I give a crap about my kids. I don't care about what everybody else has to say.

You don't care what other people have to say. You don't care about what other people are doing or buying or experiencing?

Well, it's cause I like in fully. Faith is one of my spiritual gifts and I fully trust that I'm doing the best I can with the Holy Spirit and what Jesus wants me to do.

And you excel in the area of contentment?

Most times.

Not a lot of people do most times. Except for the house we looked at last weekend.

I did excel in contentment because we would have been.

You're right, you wanted it.

We would have been putting an offer in the house if it wasn't for me.

So here's a question for you, hypothetically and for everyone listening. Theoretically, I should say, how often do we make decisions based on what other people think instead of what our family actually needs?

I cannot think of one for us.

For us. No, I'm sure we have. Probably have.

I think our level of confidence in our decisions has definitely grown over the years with the children and our experience.

Your confidence has grown a ton. No, no. I mean. Oh, no, I'm not making.

I thought you were saying, well, I.

Don't need to grow in confidence. No, no, no, no, no. We all do. Right. That's part of sanctification. But you. It's warm in here.

Okay. Did you turn off the air already?

Not yet. I was going to, like, turn it up. So it's not. We're not cooling a house. Nobody's up for a week. It's the excitement anyway.

But, yeah, your confidence has grown a lot. You've become much more secure in who you are as Whitney and who you are in Jesus than when we first got married.

Yeah. But even when it comes to just parenting and our parenting decisions. Right.

Like, what are some decisions?

Choosing private school, you know, like, that was a big decision. We bought this house with the intention of public school. We never financially planned for private school. Talked about private school.

I don't know if I've shared this before. That is the one. One of the things in my life that I have completely flipped opinions on. Strongly flipped opinions, like wishy washy to.

Okay, very strongly. I used to think public school was right.

Now I strongly, with a passion of a thousand burning suns, think Christian families should Christian school with their kids.

Yeah.

And I can have that discussion with anybody that would, like, I know you would love to read Daniel and then get back to me.

Any awkward conversation you're dying to have with someone, you go ahead and have it with Jason because he will happily have it.

I won't get mad at you.

We can still be buddies and friends, but, you know, I'll defend my position and just make sure you have thoroughly thought out your position, because I have. I mulled over that for a long, long time.

Maybe you should have been a lawyer.

I was going to go to law school, but I was either too dumb or too undisciplined. One of the two I lean towards. Too dumb. But whatever, we can.

The discip. Thing might, you know, I am chubby.

So some other things.

What was that joke that Benny said last night? I never heard before and like, oh, that's an old.

That's a classic. He told his big sister. He goes, lany, I know fat pe. Five fat people and you're four of them. It's fantastic.

I was like, oh, my gosh, you can't fat shame your sister. But apparently it's a.

It's a thing.

Oldie and a goodie.

A classic. What are some things. Yeah, you are. What are some things that people can feel culturally pressured to do? So I would say sports activities. Right.

You have to have your kid. 19 Activities. So they're happy.

Here's a big one. These days. I feel like these days it's way more prevalent than it was in the past.

Travel sports that have games the entire weekend, like, every Sunday. Like, especially for Christian families that Then sacrifice church. You're choosing between church and sports more times than not. Right.

You know, family size chores, what kind of vehicle you drive, what do you do about chores?

Do you pay the kids? Is it expected?

Why do you. Where do you go out to eat?

What kind of vehicles?

What kind of vehicles? All the things. Right. Parenting, a lot of decisions are not, you're right, I'm wrong, I'm right, you're wrong. It's what's.

Each family is unique and people need to use wisdom when they make their family decisions that's best for their family.

Two person working household. Is it a one person working household? Is it one person staying home? And then in order to make that work, is the other person working two jobs? Right.

There's so many different things that we get to decide what works best for the family. God has given us and I think.

People need to take that empowerment. What you just said, we get to decide. We don't have to be beholden to what everybody else thinks. We don't have to.

Both spouses don't have to work two jobs because they need a nicer house and a nicer neighborhood with nicer cars and nicer activities and nicer clothes.

Right.

Contentment, like you said. Yeah.

Maybe there is something to be said to like, about moving away from like, tornado alley, though.

I mean, well, we moved here. It wasn't tornado alley. Apparently it is now. So we've had three tornado warnings in the last 10 days. It's insane.

Luckily, we didn't have any tornado path.

That went just south of us.

There was one that came through.

Oh, my gosh.

The picture of the path it went through. Luckily nobody was killed. There was a lady that I read broke her ankle, but it was in a very rural area. Very. Like a forest.

But you can see the tornado path. It ripped up trees. I can't imagine what it would have done to houses.

Yeah. Anyway, back to our main point. So many parenting decisions are not right versus wrong.

I just said that.

You did?

Yeah.

Well, you're welcome for, you know, reinforcing, re emphasizing.

Because it's important. Whitney can't follow notes.

No, Whitney can't.

A lot of.

I think a lot of our wisdom confidence with parenting came from choosing to be foster parents because by nature, our family is going to be a lot different than Everybody else.

Yeah.

98% Of families.

It kind of gives us an out. Like, we don't have to be like you because we're not like you.

No, we're not like you. Like super white woman learning how to do ethnic hair and doing it well.

Well, thank you.

No, I get that. You know, that's. There's not a lot of white woman.

I'm working on my tan boy.

No, no. When I say white, I don't necessarily mean skin color. Like culture. Like you're from the middle of Pennsylvania with zero ethnicity.

You don't salt food, let alone season food. Like you're.

I don't cook with salt. I don't do any of it. Yeah, so true.

And it taught us different family.

Like, but I can put back some collard greens. I just can't make them. But man, they are good.

They are good. Anyway, it's funny corn.

One of the guys I work with, he's a black dude and we were discussing what food is the most different between white people and black people. And I said Mac and cheese.

Absolutely.

Black people. Mac and cheese is so much better than white people. Mac and cheese. Anyway.

Anyway, with foster care, you know, even within the foster community, some families focus on teenagers. I think they are superheroes.

Oh yeah.

We have focused on babies and some others think we're superheroes because we've gone 12 years with no like steady sleep schedule through the night.

Can I tell you something? No, I won't say it.

Nevermind. Go ahead.

I won't say it.

Are you making fun of me?

Nope.

Who are you making fun of?

I was just going to tell you something, honestly.

Go ahead.

I might be getting an itch for another baby.

Oh, geez. Well, we are going away on a trip.

That's.

That's the, that's the trend. Oh man.

I was just holding the baby last night at 3:00am and I'm like, remember most babies? Like, he couldn't lay on my chest anymore because he was so big.

Also remember, most babies aren't as content and happy as the one we have now.

I know that would be awful if they called me for a placement and I'm like, were they born exposed? If so, then no, that would be terrible.

Anyway, moving on.

Wouldn't that make us super weird if we. Yeah. Just kept going anyway? Yep. Okay.

We're gonna be 65. Pushing kids in strollers. Go us biblical perspectives on this Bible. Like I said, I know the Bible, but I suck at memorizing.

The body of Christ has many parts. All of them function together differently. Just remember that when you're looking at other families like, hey, they do stuff a little different.

I love that verse. Especially when it comes to serving too. Right. Like when we talk about every little thing matters and to dream small. The body of Christ.

Everyone is gifted differently. Everyone can serve differently. You may think we're crazy.

We are. I think we're crazy.

But then we have someone else who's like, hey, I'll watch all three of your little kids while you go away for a week.

That's crazy.

Yeah, that's crazy. I mean, it's not like we don't live it every day, but it's also amazing and crazy at the same time.

So we're going to give you guys.

That's the body of Christ serving. Go ahead.

We're going to give you guys some practical encouragement so that you can feel empowered, encouraged, whatever word you want to insert there.

Amen.

To parent your kids, your family, as you see best fit for them. Before we do that, let's go through some other examples from our family where we have.

Well, where are you at in the notes, Jason?

Wayne, Practical encouragement. Notes are a guide. They're not a map. Like, they're.

I don't see our practical examples here.

They're not in there. We don't need to be in there. We know the example.

Okay, fair. I was like, I don't see it.

This is a guide. It's an outline. My gosh. It's not a narrative. Okay. I would say the first big example for us is the older kids that are in sports.

A lot of times we'll divide and conquer. You'll go to the game and I'll stay home with littles. I'll go to the game and you stay home with littles.

Because we'll be honest, if we take the three littles the game, we're not really getting to watch the game anyway because we're hurting them constantly and they're fussy and they're whiny.

We're facing bedtimes. Like, it's just not enjoyable.

You know, a lot of times if people don't know our family, I bet they would assume, oh, they must be fighting again. Or our kids are single parent households because mom and dad are never here at the same time. They always come with the same kids.

Well, even school events. Right? Like, very rarely. This year, you know, Laney specifically had several school events.

Yeah, I don't know that we attended one together between, like, choir concerts, awards ceremonies.

We attended Officer Gomez speech together, but that was it.

And that wasn't even for Lainey. It was for us about, like, technology, safety. Yeah.

What other things? Church. A lot of times, if we have a snotty.

I mean, you're talking six kids, one.

Kid's sick all the time. Grateful. Our church has multiple services, and we.

Don't want to be the jerk that brings, like, the green, snotty kid into church. Right.

And we have flexibility where we can decide to. That is warm. It's all the doors being open all morning while we're running out. If a kid is not especially like a little kid, they don't.

They're not learning about Jesus at church yet. Right. So we'll keep them home. Usually. Probably easier than a lot of other parents. One of us will go to one service, one of us will go to the other.

Yes, I miss. I love attending church together, but sometimes taking care of the kids is more important.

And that doesn't mean I don't walk into service thinking, like, who's thinking what? Because here's Whitney again without Jason.

Have you thought about that?

Yeah.

Oh, I never have.

It doesn't bother me, but I absolutely. In my mind, I'm always thinking, like, oh, I wonder what so. And so what Whoever is thinking.

Who's whoever?

I don't. Anyone.

You never had a specific person, like, anyone that, like.

No. It could even be, like, someone that does. I don't actually know personally.

Because you know a lot of people. Yeah.

Because of your position and, you know. Yeah.

Whenever I walk in, all I think.

The people that are closest to us absolutely can assume. Why. It's not like we have, like, super social lives. So obviously it's not a super social life.

I know a lot of times this is our social life because Whitney used to serve as the connections director at our church. So all the volunteers know her. Not all the volunteers. A lot of the volunteers know her from her time there.

And whenever I do walk in by myself, they're like, where's your bride? Kid's sick. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. It's funny. No one ever asked me about you.

No, they don't care about me.

You're just Whitney's husband.

I am Whitney's husband at church now. Yes. Yes, I am. I am 100% Whitney's husband. So what are some other ways our family does things different that you can think of them like?

We'll drive separate to normal events. Even though we have the biggest van in the world, we'll still drive separate.

Yeah. Just to have a getaway vehicle.

Getaway vehicle. Kids might be get creeping up on bedtime. So one of us, we don't like to disrupt bedtimes as we wreck bedtimes.

I don't work.

I mean, we tried the working thing and, you know, God, Definitely made it abundantly clear that I needed to stay home and he provided and thankfully I get to stay home. But that was a challenge for me personally, because I loved what I did.

But in this season, he made it very clear that my greatest ministry and greatest need is in the four walls of this home. Um, you did good. So that's something like we tried the other way and it just. Our family wasn't ready for it.

And down the road, I hope to join the world of adults again. But not yet. Um, I had another one on the tip of my tongue too. We don't do a lot of sleepovers. I. We don't just let our kids.

I was thinking about that the other day.

We don't just let our kids go sleepover. Like, Lainie has done sleepovers at I think two or three people's homes that.

We know very well.

Two people's homes? Yeah. That we know extremely well and fully trust.

Who else has she done? Stahl Huts and Rizzies. Oh, yeah.

Like her extra sister.

Yeah. Yeah. That's probably why I didn't think of it.

Because they're family. Benny has no interest in sleepovers, thankfully. Leah just wants to be everywhere with everyone.

But she's never going to get to have a sleepover unless she learns some self control and right from wrong and good touch, bad touch, safety, all the things. She's young, but she goes and just kicks kids. It's so kid spec. Yeah, but we're not a big fan of sleepovers.

No, there's very meaningful benefit positive that can come. There's a lot of negatives that can.

We don't do cell phones. That's another. Speaking of sleepovers, because at sleepovers you also then.

What are you talking about? They have a cell phone.

Can we go get it quick since we're on video?

No, it's fine.

No, we'll post a picture of it sometime. But at a sleepover, technology is a big part of it. Like you literally might be sending your child into like a full access world of everything.

Right.

And gosh, the things that could happen at sleepovers, like.

Yeah, the cost benefit analysis, the risks. The costs are way bigger, more risky than the benefits.

If we don't know the parents, they don't go to their house either.

I mean, even a lot of parents, we know nothing against them, but it's hard to keep track of a bunch of girls, teens, middle school girls, and make sure they're staying safe. That's why we don't have people have sleep. I don't Want that responsibility.

Right, Right. Yeah. It's just.

I mean, even when the kids were little and we would have babysitters, like back when we had like two kids and like, people wanted to babysit for us, like, like teenage girls. Right. You would never drive them home. Because I remember, like, very clearly, you'd be like, I am not a night person. And we'd get home from a date.

And I'm like, I don't want to drive them home. I'm tired.

I want to go to bed.

And you're like, you have to like, not driving them home. I will not be in a car with a teenage girl. No. Right. And it was self protection. But, like, you're aware of that enough. And it's the same thing. Right.

Like, not was anything going to happen? Just like, nothing might happen at sleepovers.

But sure, yeah.

We choose because we get to.

The likelihood is nothing will happen.

Right.

That is the most likely outcome.

Right.

But you can't. You gotta put safeguards in place. Okay, practical.

One more thing about the sleepovers. The places that we have let Laney sleep over, they don't have cell phones now.

So the parent like us.

Yeah. So.

And honestly, for everybody listening on the podcast, Whitney just punched her microphone and it fell over. Hence the scream and the thud. All right, let's go into practical encouragement for everybody.

Wait, don't we have any more examples?

I'm sure we have tons.

Okay. But you want to be done.

Doodle, doodle, doodle. I'm embarrassed when I walk with her. Very unmanly. She's a good. No, it's the fact that big old ogre guy is walking with a fluffy little doodle.

It's not.

Quincy, what is it? Yeah, it sounded like you had something else on the tip of your tongue you wanted to share.

No, I mean, it's just. I did. I don't remember what it was now, like, I'm thinking even, you know how.

We make our daughter dress? That might be one. Like, we don't want her dress like a modesty.

We're teaching modesty.

And she's embraced it, which is really encouraging.

Absolutely.

I mean, she's also. I would describe her as an early developer, like, for a girl. Yeah, but she's not a tomboy. She's like.

She likes her big baggy shirts and gym shorts, which I'm all about.

Which. She's also a prissy princess sometimes. But she's athletic. Like, she's more of the athlete type. And she's not yet.

I'm sure it's gonna change at some point, but she doesn't wanna wear the little booty shorts and the midriff tops and.

Oh, like, back to the technology thing. We only allow it in the main spaces of our homes.

Yeah. No computers in rooms.

Benny's a big 3D printer dude, and he's like, can I please take my laptop downstairs just to create? So I'm next to, like, in the basement just to create. So I'm next to my printers.

How about no?

Sorry, dude. House rule.

Yeah. We never. We won't ever allow TVs in bedrooms.

Right?

Yeah. Okay, let's move on.

Okay.

There's some examples for people. All right. Practical encouragement for listeners.

If you struggle with making the decisions that you are convicted are best for your family, but you feel pressured. Honestly pressured? I would say more than culture or friends. You know who it comes through the most social media? Family.

You think?

Sisters? Grandparents. Hey, you should be doing this. I think so.

Okay.

Like, direct pressure. Like, a lot of that other stuff is secondary and tertiary, but I would say.

I would have guessed social media.

I could be wrong.

I mean, obviously you didn't do, like, a. Made a study.

I did not do a study on that. No. So first thing, seek wisdom before approval. And how can you seek wisdom?

The Bible.

The Bible? Yes. Read your Bible every day.

And someone who has wisdom, Seek wisdom from someone with wisdom that you admire, that you look up to, that's been through this.

Right. I mean, I'll give you an example of wisdom.

I saw it recently, which ties to our family is I had a job opportunity with an organization that sounded perfect for my deep passions. What I've learned at my skill set, my leadership went through the process like.

It was literally made for.

You got a job offer. And then I spoke with one of our pastors, and he's we. Because I was like, hey, man, I got this offer. I can't.

I thought that offer, once I got it, I would be excited. And I got the uneasy spirit in my soul. And so I called. I was like, hey, I'm struggling with this. Here's. Blah, blah, blah.

And I talked through it all, and his. He gave me lots of wisdom. But one of his biggest chunks of wisdom was, remember your family is your first ministry.

And had I accepted this role, it would have put tons of pressure. I don't think we would. It wouldn't have been.

It would not have worked out because of what that company expected in terms of being on site and what our family demands. I do based on appointments and other things. So I turned down perfectly a job that I was thrilled to do and pursue with a ministry that is. Yeah.

And it just worked.

And you actually had peace about it. Like, you felt very.

Once I made that decision of peace washed over me, I was like, huh? One of the most shocking experiences that I did not expect.

We both were like, yes, this is it. This is your way to live out your passion.

Because I love my job where I'm like, I love the company.

Yeah.

I like the company I'm at. Like, it's still work. Like, they have been gracious to us. They have supported us.

They've been wonderful.

Yeah, they've been wonderful. It's a great work environment. The people I work with, I really enjoy.

But this was a way for me to move from work to missional work, but it still wasn't right for our family.

Yeah.

I put our family first.

Yeah. God first, family second, mission.

And I mean, that's the question when you're seeking wisdom, what is best for our family?

Yes.

You know, as a husband, your priorities are God, then your wife, then your kids. Keep them in that order, and things will stay healthy. That has to be the right order. Yes.

Another practical tip is to know your season. Know what season your family is currently in. What worked a couple years ago might not work now in this season.

And we experienced that in spades over in spade.

So in spades means, like, trump, like, the best cards.

Okay.

That's what in spades means. A lot of people made fun of our fire and the sticks in the fire, they really.

I haven't been on.

Not a lot of what's going on.

Oh, my gosh.

It was justified.

Did Angie make fun of it?

I don't know yet. Chris did.

Of course he did.

Of course he did. And like I said, it was justified, so.

But here. Here's the thing. Healthy families have to adjust with the seasons. You can't keep doing the same thing if it stops working. Right.

Like, and your kids grow. They change.

Kids grow. The needs change. Maybe you add on more kids.

That's just us.

But you have to be flexible. You have to be flexible, willing to change, willing to learn, willing to pivot.

Yep. Healthy families adjust.

I said that. Thank you.

Free, emphasizing, like, well done. Following, like, here you said all this words, and I summarize. Know your kids. Number three. Know your kids. Each kid is different.

Our fan, even bio kids, are dramatically different. Like, yes, of course ours are. We have a lot of DNA floating around this house to inform a lot of these kids. So, yes, of Course, ours is different.

Our bio kids are even really different.

They are.

Every single kid.

I almost can't think of any way they're alike besides, like, appearance.

They kind of look alike. They both have that goofy, like, sense of humor.

Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, Lainey crawls on the floor like a weirdo. Benny does not do that. Benny is getting. I think he's just tapping into Alexa and asking her for dad jokes. He's doing a good job. They're both really.

They're both caring about other people outside of our house.

Yes, very true.

They treat their siblings like poop, but they treat everybody else really good.

We're getting. We're getting there.

They are improving.

It's going to be a really great week of connection with Leah for them.

Yeah. Yeah. So each kid needs to be treated different.

Yeah. Another number four. Are we at number four?

Yes. That comes after three. Yes.

I would say be willing to be misunderstood. Other people may not understand your parenting decisions. Other people may not agree with your parenting decisions. And guess what? They don't have to.

No, they don't have to. It doesn't matter.

And I'll be taking a step further. I would be. If your parenting decisions don't conflict with the culture of the world a little bit or.

What are you doing?

Actually, a lot of it.

Yeah. What are you doing?

What are you doing? You should have a lot of. As a Christian parent, you should have a lot of decisions that you make that conflict with this world a lot.

Where other parents kind of look at you silent, like, oh, that's weird. Yes, absolutely. That should be a thing. If not. What are you doing? Yeah, what are you doing? What are you doing?

That's all I got.

Okay, number five. Guess who ultimately loves these kids more than. Who loves our kids more than you and me? God. Trust God with the results.

If you lean into him and his word and godly friends for wisdom and guidance, primarily the word of God. Trust God for the results. You'll make mistakes because by nature, we're humans. We'll make. I still yell more than I would ideally want to.

But the dad voice is needed sometimes.

You know what? We have an ongoing conflict with what you consider yelling and what I consider yelling.

Yeah. Like, if I raise my voice, Whitney considers this yelling, and I have a loud, booming voice when I hear it.

It's a yell. Because this is your normal voice.

Yeah. It's not.

It's a yell. Yeah. This is your normal voice. When you boom, it's a yell.

So I think there's a. There's a range. Like, I don't consider myself yelling to. On top of that, I don't consider myself yelling until I'm like, sticks in the fire, people.

You need to help us out.

Only if you knew it was irons in the fire. If you thought it was sticks to, like, me or Whitney and pokes or whatever, she's flames in a fire. I said sticks, and you said what did you say?

Flames.

Flames in the fire. Yeah. Heat in the Whatever. All right.

Dancing in the flames. There's so many options.

Yeah. But ultimately, parenting is hard. I think all of us can agree with that.

For those of you who don't lean on God for parenting, I don't know how you do it. Lean on God. Yeah, primarily through his word, through his prayer. Lean on God.

If something. If you've got the Holy Spirit in you, and if something does not feel right in your gut, you need to trust that instinct.

This is my mama advice talking, though. You need to trust that.

Hold on. I want to caveat something with that.

Okay.

Only if you are tuned into God like you are doing.

I said that.

I'm emphasizing, like, you're reiterating. Like, a lot of people will be like, well, God said. It's like, you haven't read your Bible in four years. Like, how do you know what God said?

God doesn't say that. Like, yeah, some. You know, your decision directly conflicts with what the word of God teaches. No, God did not tell you to do that.

And don't go and do stuff because we said it or because someone else go read the word influencer said it. Some pastor said it. If you need to be con. Confident that you are doing what's right for your family by what God's telling you.

I forget who Paul said, but, like, he would teach in the New Testament and then he was. People would go test it against, like, the Old Testament scriptures to make sure what he was teaching was actually biblical. Yes, you do that.

No matter who is teaching. Your pastor, an author, podcaster, whoever, some.

Random schmuck on the street.

Go, go.

Microphone.

Yeah. Welcome to our podcast.

That's what I was getting at.

I knew you were. Go test you learn what is spoken to you against the word of God.

Yes, 1,000%.

Because people can genuinely get it wrong. Like, not purposely being deceptive. A lot of people are purposely deceptive, but some people can authentically do it. And you go read it in detail.

You're like, oh, that was wrong. And you challenge them like, oh, my gosh, I got that wrong. Thank you.

And you might have people in your life that speak into you, that you allow to speak into you that might get it wrong or might get it right.

You know, you have to take everything that you consume and sift it through the word of God and then see where it lands for you and your family personally.

And when you get to that point, you need to trust your instinct and the Holy Spirit inside of you that if it feels right or if it doesn't feel right, or if it's a season of change and you need to pivot and make some changes, you need to be constant.

That's why you have to say in the Word, you need to be constantly in tune with what's going on and what God is speaking to you and what you might need to do differently, what your family might need to do differently. Right. Because it's not gonna stay the same.

Yeah. You gotta stay plugged into the vine.

Yes, you do. I think that's all I got.

Okay. As we're wrapping this puppy up here,.

I just did a little dab.

Yeah, I know. Trying to move on.

Is that still a thing? I don't probably do cool kids dab anymore.

No, it's like Facebook. That's not a thing. Except for all of us old people.

Yeah.

What decisions, dear listener, have you been delaying due to cultural pressure, peer pressure, Familial. Is that right? Familial. Familial, like for family. Familial.

Familial.

Family esque pressure.

Family related.

Family related pressure and familials.

Right.

What would it do if you, instead of worrying about that, sought the wisdom that God provides through his Word primarily and again through prayer and other godly people? What decision are you not making that you need to make?

There you have it, folks. We are piecing out.

Hold on, hold on.

The state.

Hold on. We need a good, clever closing statement. No, I gave a challenge, but we need to put a bow on this puppy.

You put the bow on the puppy.

Like we kind of started with the podcast with. As a parent, different does not mean wrong. From our perspective, for sure. Building a family that looks different is not a bad thing.

You're not going to look like everybody else. It's not going to act like everybody else.

You're called to stand out. We're called to be different. Right. We're called to be a light. We are called to stand out from the world.

Do it.

Be comfortable in that. Right.

Parent your kids the way God is directing you to parent your kids.

Yes. God has entrusted your children to you. For a reason.

Take that seriously and do what is best for your children, not what's best for Johnny down the street or whomever. Inga, I just read a book and there was a hurricane. Inga, just go with it, okay?

Do what's best for your children under your roof that God has given to you and address it to you. Are we done now?

I think so.

Okay, it's time for vacation. All right, guys, you keep dreaming small.

When you guys are listening to this. We're in Myrtle Beach.

Yeah, we are.

All right.

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