What do you do when you are diagnosed with Cancer at just 33?
Tune in to today's episode of What's The Story where our special guest Becky Carr shares her story of being diagnosed with Breast Cancer as a young mum of two and her journey of discovering who God really is and finding His peace and presence in the toughest moments of life. Becky's story is one of faith, hope, and resilience in the face of adversity and is sure to encourage you in your own faith journey!
ABOUT BECKY:
Becky Carr is a Brit living in the USA with her husband Jared and 2 littles, Gabe (8) & Ayla (5). She attends the Mile High Vineyard church near Denver and is an elder there. She also works for Vineyard USA as the Executive Assistant to the National Director. She is a recent breast cancer survivor, enthusiastic tea drinker, and loves to snowboard and hike in Colorado’s Rocky Mountains where she calls home.
Hello And welcome to What's the Story.
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Speaker:And now without further ado, let's meet your host and our
Speaker:very special guest for today.
Speaker:Hello and welcome to What's the Story.
Speaker:My name is Anna Kettle . Today I'm joined by Becky Carr.
Speaker:Now Becky is a Brit living in the USA with her husband Jared and two littles.
Speaker:Gabe, who's eight and Ayla, who's five.
Speaker:She attends the Mile High Vineyard Church, which is in the Denver
Speaker:area, and is an elder there also.
Speaker:She also works with Vineyard USA as executive assistant and the national
Speaker:director, and she's recent breast cancer survivor, a tea enthusiast and loves
Speaker:to snowboard and hike in Colorado's Rocky Mountains where she calls home.
Speaker:One important detail that I should also add to that bio, um, which you may not
Speaker:know, is that Becky is my younger sister.
Speaker:So yeah, if we sound like we know each other well or that you see some family
Speaker:similarities today, then that's why.
Speaker:So Becky, thank you so much for joining us today.
Speaker:I'm really excited to have you on the show.
Speaker:Welcome.
Speaker:Thank you.
Speaker:I'm glad to be with you.
Speaker:So I guess we should probably start at the beginning really
Speaker:shouldn't we, of your story.
Speaker:Um, and I know we're gonna kind of unpack a bit of your cancer journey
Speaker:cuz you know, you had cancer very young, you're a lot younger than me.
Speaker:And, um, yeah.
Speaker:But I suppose we should start at the beginning and talk first about kind
Speaker:of your background so people can get a feel for kind of where you've come from.
Speaker:So, Obviously you grew up in a Christian family.
Speaker:Our dad was a church leader for entire childhood, so obviously you were always
Speaker:raised kind of knowing about God raised to believe in God, but I just wondered,
Speaker:I guess at what point in your sort of faith journey did it really start
Speaker:to become something personal to you?
Speaker:Like how did that involve?
Speaker:Yeah, so, um, yeah, pastor's kid.
Speaker:Uh, very cushy childhood, I'd say.
Speaker:Like, very safe Christian bubble.
Speaker:We had, you know, Christian school and, um, yeah, just, just
Speaker:a great childhood, honestly.
Speaker:Um, and yeah, I grew up always knowing about God and having
Speaker:different experiences with him.
Speaker:Um, but I think it was really as I finished, uh, secondary school
Speaker:and my A levels and I went to do a year out with YWAM Youth With A
Speaker:Mission, um, I did their Discipleship Training School, um, as my gap year.
Speaker:And I think it was really there that I, for the first time, like experienced
Speaker:God in a more personal way, um, that was more than just like something
Speaker:I'd been told or had knowledge and it really became something that I
Speaker:wanted to interact with personally and I wanted to interact with Jesus.
Speaker:And, um, ended up my one gap year ended up becoming two gap years.
Speaker:I met my husband while I was there.
Speaker:Um, so we were still dating and, um, Yeah, traveled all over the world
Speaker:leading different short-term missions trips and just seeing amazing things,
Speaker:um, miracles and, um, yeah, just had all kinds of amazing experiences.
Speaker:Um, after my second gap year, I decided instead of I was due to go to
Speaker:Sheffield University to do biblical studies, um, in their department there,
Speaker:and I actually ended up changing to.
Speaker:London School of Theology where I did my undergraduate degree, um, there,
Speaker:cause I really wanted to study the Bible but more in a Christian context.
Speaker:Um, so I decided that LST would be a better fit for me.
Speaker:So went, did my undergraduate degree in theology and then, um, Married Jared
Speaker:about three weeks after graduating.
Speaker:Three weeks
Speaker:yeah, it was a little bit stressful that time of my life.
Speaker:Finals, dissertations, and then planning a marriage.
Speaker:Oh, I should say our whole childhood, Becky has never been someone who does
Speaker:things by halves, she's like, when she decides to do something, it's like all in.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:obviously after married, moving to America at like 23, 24,
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Speaker:Yep.
Speaker:College and new, newly married really weren't you.
Speaker:And then quite soon after that you, you moved over to the states, which
Speaker:is where Jared was from, to Midwest.
Speaker:Yep.
Speaker:Um, that must have felt like a big leap of faith for you because you were
Speaker:quite young and you didn't really know what you were sort of stepping into.
Speaker:Um, was it scary or exciting or a bit of both?
Speaker:Like how was that?
Speaker:I honestly don't even know what I was thinking.
Speaker:When I look back, I'm like, I don't even know why, how or why it happened.
Speaker:Um, the plan was always, yeah, Jared's from Colorado originally, his family's
Speaker:all still here, so our plan was always to just come for a year or two for me to get
Speaker:to know his family and his culture, and.
Speaker:The plan was always to move back to the UK and then I think Jared secretly knew
Speaker:if he got me here that I'd probably not wanna leave, which was definitely true.
Speaker:Um, but we arrived with, we had six suitcases between the
Speaker:two of us, and that was it.
Speaker:All of our worldly possessions, we moved via airplane.
Speaker:Six cases.
Speaker:We had like $200 in our bank account.
Speaker:That's not even an exaggeration.
Speaker:Like if we were penniless, just like ready to move to America and
Speaker:start and just see what happened.
Speaker:And, um, just ended up loving it here.
Speaker:We found a really great church at the Mile High Vineyard and, um, those people
Speaker:kind of just became family to us and we just felt so connected and, um,
Speaker:like we could see a life for us here.
Speaker:So we just stayed.
Speaker:And here we are 13 years later.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And, uh, two children onwards, so
Speaker:Aha.
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:a long way, but, um, yeah, we're, we're, I'm not too, uh, bitter
Speaker:about Jared for taking my sister away anymore, but, you know,
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:um, I, I don't blame you though the weather in, in, uh, your bit of the
Speaker:world is far nicer than it is here, so that alone you know, be fair.
Speaker:And it's a beautiful part of the world.
Speaker:Denver
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Speaker:It is gorgeous.
Speaker:Lots of sunshine, rocky mountains skiing.
Speaker:Great outdoor life, so I can't complain either.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Now before people think it's all been easy, cuz you know, you talk
Speaker:about a lovely childhood and a lovely place where you live, but
Speaker:you have had some real challenges haven't you, over the past few years.
Speaker:And obviously we, we touch on it before getting diagnosed with breast cancer at
Speaker:just age 33, which is shockingly young.
Speaker:Like normally when people think of breast cancer, they think of women over 50.
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Speaker:And so that's unusual in itself, and it was just after you'd had your
Speaker:second child, your daughter, Ayla.
Speaker:So can you, you tell us a little bit about that experience?
Speaker:Like how did you discover you had cancer?
Speaker:How did things begin to unfold?
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:So, um, it was summer of 2019, so I was 33 at the time, like you said.
Speaker:Um, I literally woke up one morning and I found a lump the size of a pack of cards,
Speaker:um, just sitting on top of my breast.
Speaker:It was literally 10 centimeters wide.
Speaker:Um, I.
Speaker:When didn't go to the doctors immediately, thankfully my husband Jared, persuaded me
Speaker:that I should probably get it checked out.
Speaker:I, at the time had a four-year-old and a 15 month old, so I'd
Speaker:recently finished breastfeeding.
Speaker:Um, a little girl, Ayla.
Speaker:Um, and, uh, The doctors all kind of said, this is nothing, there's
Speaker:no family history of cancer.
Speaker:Like, there's just no way this is cancer, but we'll do a due
Speaker:diligence and get it checked out.
Speaker:And, um, yeah.
Speaker:Shockingly it came back as cancer.
Speaker:Um, at that point it was a stage zero cancer, which if you're gonna
Speaker:get cancer, that's the one you want.
Speaker:Um, it was considered non-invasive.
Speaker:Um, at this point, it, um, It actually wasn't a tumor in the same sense, but they
Speaker:found, uh, breast cancer cells all the way through the lining of my milk ducks.
Speaker:Um, so I had cancer throughout my whole breast.
Speaker:Um, the, the kind of pack of card lump that I had seen was just literally
Speaker:my body reacting to this cancer.
Speaker:Um, but it wasn't a traditional tumor.
Speaker:Um, so they told me the, uh, I needed surgery.
Speaker:I had to have a mastectomy.
Speaker:Um, The good news was I didn't need chemo or radiation that a mastectomy
Speaker:would deal with it, because at that point it was non-invasive.
Speaker:Um, and then I knew I could have breast reconstruction.
Speaker:So that first year was really, um, just going through, I mean, it
Speaker:was shocking and terrifying, but they had said it was quite early.
Speaker:Most women have a mastectomy.
Speaker:They never think about this ever again.
Speaker:Like, I could just move on with my life.
Speaker:So really that first year I was kind of focused on the breast reconstruction.
Speaker:It was about four surgeries over seven months.
Speaker:They used my own body tissues to rebuild my breast.
Speaker:So it was a little more intensive than other types of reconstruction.
Speaker:Um, but I knew in my head like this was gonna be it and I could just move on with
Speaker:my life once I'd done these surgeries.
Speaker:So that took me to like March of 2020.
Speaker:Um, Literally, my last reconstruction surgery was the day before the
Speaker:world closed down for Covid.
Speaker:Um, so they stopped all elective surgeries like that literally the next day.
Speaker:So I was like, sweet, this is God's provision.
Speaker:Like I just got in my, my last surgery and now I just can like, Hunker down
Speaker:during covid and focus on getting better and what, you know, we're, done.
Speaker:This, this story's finished.
Speaker:Um, about three months after that though I was rediagnosed.
Speaker:So, um, in a very rare change of events.
Speaker:Um, the cancer had come back in the same breast, so, um, it had
Speaker:aggressively mutated, um, it was appearing as a skin cancer.
Speaker:So I actually went to my dermatologist just to think it was some weird
Speaker:little skin thing, and it came back as, uh, breast cancer.
Speaker:This time it was a completely different type of breast cancer.
Speaker:It was.
Speaker:Uh, graded, very aggressive.
Speaker:Um, it had mutated, and honestly, they said they had never seen this type of
Speaker:cancer before this type of mutation.
Speaker:Um, so they said they didn't know how to treat it really.
Speaker:They had never treated this before.
Speaker:It didn't exist in the medical world.
Speaker:Um, so they just said, we're gonna throw everything at it that we can.
Speaker:Um, And see if that works.
Speaker:Um, so that was pretty crushing.
Speaker:Um, having thought like, you know, I'd done all this reconstruction
Speaker:I had been through this last year.
Speaker:I'd come out the end feeling like I could move on with my life and
Speaker:then it was just like another kick.
Speaker:And um, this time they said, you know, I'd have to do chemo and radiation.
Speaker:Um, so I went back for more surgery.
Speaker:And then pretty quickly they turned around and said I needed to do a year
Speaker:just shy of a year of chemotherapy.
Speaker:So I had, uh, infusions every three weeks, um, for 14 rounds and then a
Speaker:month of, uh, pretty intense radiation.
Speaker:Um, so yeah, it was just like my world kind of crumbled again at that
Speaker:point, um, realizing that I was very far from this journey being over
Speaker:and that there was still a year, full year of treatment ahead of me.
Speaker:Um, Yeah.
Speaker:So.
Speaker:Yeah, I mean that's a horrible, like false ending, isn't it?
Speaker:And then, and it's a lot to navigate, right?
Speaker:Because you're dealing with, suddenly you're dealing with like facing a
Speaker:really quite grueling chemo schedule.
Speaker:Like over a whole year.
Speaker:And you've also still got really young kids at home who don't really
Speaker:understand and you know, and suddenly they're saying, this is the kind of
Speaker:cancer that we're not so sure about and we don't know what we're doing
Speaker:with, and I mean, that must be scary.
Speaker:And you know, suddenly not knowing for certain.
Speaker:You know, from thinking, oh yeah, I've dealt with it, uh, suddenly
Speaker:thinking, I don't know if I'm gonna make it through this.
Speaker:Like, they don't know what they're doing with this cancer.
Speaker:And, you know, there's so many things about that situation, which
Speaker:I'm sure are just incredibly hard.
Speaker:But is there any sort of times in that, that stand out as, or anything that
Speaker:stands out as particularly challenging?
Speaker:Like what?
Speaker:What was it?
Speaker:Was it the, the shock of feeling like the dis the kind of disappointment of like,
Speaker:oh, we thought we were done and we're not.
Speaker:Like, were there other times that kind of stick out as being really hard or.
Speaker:Yeah, I think, um, I mean a particular moment was Gabe was now five.
Speaker:He, uh, his first day of kindergarten, I couldn't take him to his first day
Speaker:of school because I was driving to the hospital to get my chemo port fitted.
Speaker:So I was going off for surgery to start this treacherous thing and he was
Speaker:like, going to school to start this.
Speaker:And I just remember having that moment of like, I don't know,
Speaker:I'm gonna see my kids grow up.
Speaker:Like, I don't know.
Speaker:I'm gonna see my forties.
Speaker:Never mind my kid graduate high school or, um, so I remember that
Speaker:just being a really poignant day at the very beginning of that treatment.
Speaker:Um, then about three weeks into, um, my treatment starting, Gabe
Speaker:ended up in the emergency room.
Speaker:Um, he had a ruptured appendix, so we woke up one night to him, uh,
Speaker:throwing up blood in his sleep and we rushed him to the emergency room
Speaker:and um, they discovered he had a ruptured appendix with a severe, severe
Speaker:infection throughout his whole abdomen.
Speaker:Um, at this point I think I'd done one round of chemo.
Speaker:I'd done about a week of radiation, and then he was admitted to hospital for
Speaker:about two weeks, right in the middle of that four week window of radiation.
Speaker:And we were living at the hospital with him.
Speaker:Remember, this is like in the middle of Covid still, so it was like, No
Speaker:visitors allowed, like only Jared or I could like trade off in the room.
Speaker:It was like testing every day in masks.
Speaker:And his sister couldn't come to the ho, come inside even
Speaker:the lobby of the hospital.
Speaker:Like she had to stay outside the building if, you know, she, we needed
Speaker:to hand her off and just total, total, uh, logistical nightmare.
Speaker:But I was, you know, sleeping on the couch in his hospital room watching him.
Speaker:On drip morphine trying to recover from this horrific infection
Speaker:that was all through his belly.
Speaker:He was in excruciating pain every day.
Speaker:Um, and then I would wake up, walk across the car park to the university
Speaker:hospital where I was getting treatment.
Speaker:I'd go get a round of chemo or another dose of radiation, walk
Speaker:back across the car park, and I'd be back in his hos hospital room and.
Speaker:That went on for just about two weeks, um, every day, like back and
Speaker:forth between these two hospitals while he was laying in bed.
Speaker:Um, So, yeah, that was like a really concentrated, like I was going through
Speaker:my own treatment and I was struggling with wondering if it was gonna work
Speaker:and if this was the right treatment to save my life, was I gonna die?
Speaker:And then I was watching my kid hooked up to a machine trying to recover from
Speaker:a emergency surgery and doctors trying to figure out how to treat this horrible
Speaker:infection he had all through his abdomen.
Speaker:And, um, yeah, just a really low, low time.
Speaker:Um, Yeah, that was probably the most intense part.
Speaker:Yeah, I, I can imagine.
Speaker:I mean, that's, uh, it's just so much to deal with at once, isn't it?
Speaker:I mean, logistically, emotionally, spiritually, in every way.
Speaker:Um, I suppose I'm interested to know though, Like where, or perhaps how,
Speaker:um, how you, you saw or experienced God in the midst of that situation.
Speaker:Like, did you see God at work in those times too?
Speaker:Like how did you experience him or find him in those moments,
Speaker:which were really dark as you say.
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:I mean, I think those first few weeks we were definitely just in survival mode.
Speaker:Like you're not really even.
Speaker:You're just kind of floating around above yourself, like just
Speaker:responding to things coming at you.
Speaker:Um, but yeah, I think, I mean, we, like I said before, we just had an amazing
Speaker:community around us, so our church just.
Speaker:People rallied around us in the most incredible way.
Speaker:Um, so like externally, I felt very cared for and, um, held together by them.
Speaker:They came and, you know, helped with childcare for Ayla and
Speaker:Jared and I were at the hospital.
Speaker:They brought, women came and like cleaned my house for me and folded my
Speaker:kids' laundry cuz I, I mean, I couldn't.
Speaker:Physically do a lot of things still.
Speaker:I was fresh out of surgery doing, you know, sick from chemo, all these
Speaker:things, and you know, women would come and just take care of groceries or
Speaker:cleaning my house, doing laundry, um, bringing meals, like we had so many
Speaker:meals and, um, like just l physically held by the people of God, um, which
Speaker:I'm just so, so grateful for still.
Speaker:Um, so we had amazing community.
Speaker:Um, but then internally I still had this like, struggle of like,
Speaker:you know, I was very disappointed with how life had turned out.
Speaker:I was pretty angry at God, I think at this point.
Speaker:Like, um, yeah, just dealing with like the more spiritual, emotional side, um,
Speaker:took some time and I, I'm not even sure.
Speaker:It was a quick resolution for me.
Speaker:I think it's, you know, been as years have passed that I've
Speaker:processed some of that still.
Speaker:Um, I think initially, like I really, I kind of had this idea
Speaker:that God was supposed to save us.
Speaker:Like he was supposed to show up in a certain way in these times, and
Speaker:he was supposed to just like, remove us from this pain and suffering
Speaker:and like, why God would you let.
Speaker:These things happen?
Speaker:Like not just one of these things, but like these layers of difficulty
Speaker:and pain and disappointment.
Speaker:And I think I came to the realization, like I'd always thought of God as, um,
Speaker:kind of like, yeah, a genie in a bottle.
Speaker:Like I could, if I just say the right Prayer and wish the right wish, like he
Speaker:would, he should do this thing for me.
Speaker:Like He should give me what I'm asking for.
Speaker:And in return I would, you know, spread his word and tell everybody that he healed
Speaker:me and tell him, tell of his miracles.
Speaker:And everybody would come to him.
Speaker:And that was like the deal I had with him.
Speaker:And
Speaker:be like the poster girl for Jesus.
Speaker:right.
Speaker:I would tell everybody, like, see what he did?
Speaker:You wanna believe in him.
Speaker:Like this was a good deal for God, I thought.
Speaker:Um, and it just didn't happen that way.
Speaker:And so then you're left with like, now what do I do?
Speaker:I kind of had two roads of either I can choose this road of bitterness and anger
Speaker:and, um, rejecting God and blaming him for it, which just didn't seem to go anywhere.
Speaker:Like, I wouldn't say I never went down that road, but it just
Speaker:never felt like there was any light at the end of that tunnel.
Speaker:It was just darkness and more darkness like I.
Speaker:I didn't wanna stay there.
Speaker:So then I had to choose like, was I going to, you know, um, try and
Speaker:reframe some of my thoughts about who he is and what I expected from him.
Speaker:And so I think I really, um, yeah, I had to wrestle with some of that
Speaker:internally of who is God in the midst of this and, um, yeah, that he's
Speaker:not just there to, to give me what I want and take away my pain, but he.
Speaker:I believe he steps in and he actually like walks with us and he
Speaker:can give us peace in the midst of those, um, intense crazy moments.
Speaker:And, um, he can actually walk us through it.
Speaker:And there's a thing of hope in there that, you know, that this isn't the end.
Speaker:And that, um, yeah, that my hope in God is honestly what kind
Speaker:of pulled us through that time.
Speaker:Hmm.
Speaker:It's, it's interesting isn't it?
Speaker:Because I mean, certainly when, you know, in times when I've been through
Speaker:difficult things as well, I know that it's really, I can really relate to what
Speaker:you're saying cuz I've been like, well you could become very bitter and angry,
Speaker:but also like, it's, it's caused me to sort of change how I saw God a bit too.
Speaker:And, and I really relate to what you're saying cuz it's like actually
Speaker:the thing that, um, I sort of became a realization to me, and it kind of
Speaker:really rings true with what you were saying, is that like, actually Jesus
Speaker:said to his disciples, didn't he, that in this world you'll face trouble?
Speaker:He didn't say, you're gonna have an easy life, or I'll dig you out
Speaker:of every problem that you have.
Speaker:He says, you will face trouble, but.
Speaker:You know, I will be with you in it.
Speaker:And that's really what he promises.
Speaker:You know, he promises his Holy Spirit to be with them.
Speaker:And, um, and you see that in the early church, don't you?
Speaker:And, and with those disciples, after Jesus' death, crucifixion or resurrection,
Speaker:and it's like, Yeah, it, it's like they don't have an easy life and I don't
Speaker:quite know where this kind of modern western Christian world view, we kind
Speaker:of quite often grow up with, um, comes from, but it's not really biblical and
Speaker:that was something that kind of really.
Speaker:I had to really address as well.
Speaker:So I, I totally relate to that cuz I think it's very easy to think
Speaker:if you've had an easy life, it's, you know, that's God's doing.
Speaker:And also like that's what you're entitled to as a Christian.
Speaker:And, and I don't think that is actually the deal and you know,
Speaker:that's not kind of, yeah, it doesn't, certainly doesn't like marry up to
Speaker:any scripture I can find particularly.
Speaker:I think it's perhaps just a, a cultural kind of thing that we've grown up.
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Speaker:Believing quite often in the Western Church.
Speaker:Um, so yeah, that's, that's really interesting.
Speaker:I, I, you know, I love what you're saying there.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And um, so you obviously talked a bit there about how it changed, how you saw,
Speaker:saw God and how you related to God a little bit, or thought about your faith.
Speaker:But I guess looking back now, if you could sort of distill it into one thing, like
Speaker:around what you've learned through the experience, like what would it be like?
Speaker:What do you know now going through that season that you didn't know before?
Speaker:You know, how's it changed your sort of outlook?
Speaker:Yeah, I think I now think of God as someone who promises to be with us.
Speaker:I think it was, um, I think Brene Brown describes her faith as being like,
Speaker:instead of it being an epidural, like that thing we're talking about of like.
Speaker:If I just press my button, he'll make my pain go away.
Speaker:And that's what God is instead thinking of him like a midwife and someone who like
Speaker:is with us in our pain and is like they're helping us through those moments instead
Speaker:of just removing us from those things.
Speaker:So I think I've slowly learned that like what God promises us is to
Speaker:be with us in the midst of that.
Speaker:And promises to see us through, however that ends.
Speaker:And that's not always a happy ending.
Speaker:Like I still don't know my ending, like we think we got the cancer, but like I
Speaker:said, they were kind of treating it blind.
Speaker:So like, I don't know my outcome.
Speaker:Um, but I'm
Speaker:moment.
Speaker:At the moment, you're cancer free though like?
Speaker:So they, I'm in, I think I'm just coming up to the three year mark of where
Speaker:they would count from my rediagnosis.
Speaker:Um, so yeah, as far as they know, I know I do regular scans and blood work and
Speaker:all these things to show indicators, and right now they're saying there's
Speaker:no evidence of cancer in my body.
Speaker:Um, but yeah, they also said they were treating, uh, Unknown cancer and
Speaker:they were stabbing in the dark at it.
Speaker:So that's always there.
Speaker:Like, you know, in the back of my mind I, I'm trusting that and in some ways
Speaker:it doesn't matter because what I know is that regardless of the outcome,
Speaker:that God's with me in the process.
Speaker:And, um, he's that midwife who's just staying with me and he is rubbing
Speaker:my back and he's breathing with me and he is saying, I'm here till this
Speaker:baby comes, till this new life comes.
Speaker:Like, I'm here, I'm.
Speaker:I'm gonna see this through with you.
Speaker:Um, and there was one bible verse that really stuck with me through it.
Speaker:Um, it's from James one.
Speaker:Um, in fact, I have it here.
Speaker:I'm gonna read it.
Speaker:It says, um, anyone who meets a testing challenge head on and manages to stick
Speaker:it out is mighty fortunate for such person's loyally in love with God.
Speaker:The reward is life and more life.
Speaker:And that, that phrase like life and more life really stuck with me because, I
Speaker:think we always think like the reward is, like, for me, I wanted the healing, right?
Speaker:I wanted to be cancer free.
Speaker:I wanted a certain outcome, and that in this scenario does
Speaker:look like life as we know it.
Speaker:Um, but also I had to become okay with dying and with my life not being
Speaker:the way I've anticipated it going.
Speaker:And so whether I lived or died, like Paul says, you know, to live
Speaker:is Christ, to die is gain, like.
Speaker:The reward is him either way, it's him in this life or it's him in the next.
Speaker:Like the reward can't be just what he gives me.
Speaker:It can't be healing, it can't be even his peace or like good
Speaker:things that we seek from him.
Speaker:His comfort, his whatever, faithfulness.
Speaker:Like all of those things are good, but ultimately it's him.
Speaker:Like he has to be the prize and the reward.
Speaker:And so, um, I think, yeah, I.
Speaker:I'm reflecting back, I think I've grown to be okay with like, Jesus is enough
Speaker:for me today and tomorrow if tomorrow comes, and tomorrow if the next day comes.
Speaker:And, um, it's not stuff, it's not money, it's not fame, it's not even legacy or
Speaker:anything like the reward is for me is him.
Speaker:And whether that's in this life.
Speaker:And I live another day, or whether it's I die and I meet him face to face, like he
Speaker:is my reward and that has to be enough.
Speaker:And I had to get to a point where I could say that he was enough and
Speaker:whether I lived or died or anything in between, he was enough for me.
Speaker:Um, so yeah, I think, um, reflecting back, that's probably
Speaker:one of the, the biggest things.
Speaker:Hmm.
Speaker:And that's like what I wanted versus what I needed, you know?
Speaker:So I wanted healing.
Speaker:I wanted a great story that I could tell people, but if I had had that
Speaker:in my life, would probably just be looking the same as it did before.
Speaker:I probably would still be like running around frazzled and stressed and
Speaker:overstretched and not taking care of myself and lots of things that I
Speaker:changed in my life after my diagnosis.
Speaker:Um, What I actually needed was more of him in my life.
Speaker:I needed to be on my knees before him every morning I wake
Speaker:up and say, God, I need you.
Speaker:Like I, I don't know how many days I have left, but I know I need you today.
Speaker:And, um, what I needed was like a internal renewal, I think, um,
Speaker:more, more than an external healing.
Speaker:Wow.
Speaker:Wow.
Speaker:That's really, really profound and um, yeah, just very challenging.
Speaker:Um, I guess ha, I mean, so it's kind of, you sort of touched on it there,
Speaker:but has it sort of, has the experience changed the way you look at life now then?
Speaker:I mean, I guess it can't not be right because he didn't.
Speaker:You know, it can't not be to kind of have a near death experience where it's like,
Speaker:I don't know if I'm gonna get through this and come out the other side or not.
Speaker:You know, that, that really concent.
Speaker:I think you touched on it, but that really concentrates the mind, right?
Speaker:It's a certain focusing when you think I may not have much longer to live.
Speaker:That happens there I guess like how did you find that?
Speaker:Yeah, I mean, I definitely, I pretty quickly, you know, you read start reading
Speaker:books and you start reading all the blogs about cancer and taking care of
Speaker:yourself, so I pretty immediately made some big life changes, um, in addition
Speaker:to all, you know, the treatments.
Speaker:So I think I realized how much I had not been taken care of
Speaker:myself, like professionally.
Speaker:I was a personal assistant.
Speaker:I was taking care of other people.
Speaker:I was a mom to little kids.
Speaker:Like there's no way to not just be.
Speaker:Fill your life with taking care of other people.
Speaker:So it was happening at home, it was happening professionally in church.
Speaker:You know, we were very busy leading things and taking care
Speaker:of people, and I'd honestly like neglected taking care of myself.
Speaker:Honestly, I didn't, wasn't thinking about sleeping well or eating well
Speaker:or exercising after having kids, or just lots of things like that.
Speaker:I really had to completely overhaul my life and create some
Speaker:margin that I had never had.
Speaker:Like I'd always like push myself to the limits of like,
Speaker:what can I cram in every week?
Speaker:And um, so I think one of the biggest changes for me was like
Speaker:building margin into my life again and creating spaces to have quiet
Speaker:time alone without my kids around.
Speaker:And.
Speaker:Like putting, working out on my calendar to like actually make sure it happened
Speaker:and being careful about what we were eating and drinking and just, I mean,
Speaker:everything got completely hauled over.
Speaker:Um, yeah.
Speaker:and you even kind of have changed, like your work and your sort of work life
Speaker:balance and stuff like that, haven't you?
Speaker:Like you and like, you know, you're kind of working in sort of more of
Speaker:a ministry context now, whereas you
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:All the cancer.
Speaker:And so I guess like what I see looking on, you know, as, as a family member
Speaker:is that, you know, you've also become really focused about what you do and
Speaker:don't want to do and what's important, what's really not worth worrying about,
Speaker:and kind of giving you that kind of.
Speaker:I guess seeing life as a real gift and not taking it for granted, but
Speaker:also making the most of, you know, that focus that comes with making
Speaker:the most of every minute you've got.
Speaker:And actually like, I don't wanna waste my years doing something that I don't
Speaker:really care about, and I want the time I've got and the here and now, like that
Speaker:you talked about before, like not knowing.
Speaker:For sure if cancel will ever come back.
Speaker:But actually you've got today and you know, you know, there's, you
Speaker:are here, there's the here and now, and you know, you need God today
Speaker:and you wanna make the most of that.
Speaker:And I think there is something really, you know, kind of focusing
Speaker:about that isn't there, like what I don't know about tomorrow, but I
Speaker:have to live in today and not worry about these things beyond my control.
Speaker:But actually what I can control is what?
Speaker:What I do with the time I have now, um, like I really see that
Speaker:that change in you as well.
Speaker:I know you've talked about it before, and so that's, that's quite inspiring.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:I definitely feel like it gave me clarity.
Speaker:The whole situation just gave me clarity on what are my values, what do I wanna
Speaker:do with the, I mean, our lives are just, Minutes and hours and days and hopefully
Speaker:months and years, but none of us know.
Speaker:So if I had a day left, or a month or a year, like what would I wanna
Speaker:do with that and how would I wanna spend those minutes and hours?
Speaker:And so yeah, like I said, I looked, I kind of looked under every rock in my
Speaker:life and started turning things upside down and yeah, started a, a new job
Speaker:and, um, yeah, more ministry oriented.
Speaker:And I just, I've always loved our local church and.
Speaker:Wanting to kind of serve in that ministry arena again.
Speaker:And, um, just wanna put my time to things that actually matter
Speaker:to me and the values in my life.
Speaker:Um, so yeah, just everything, everything got turned upside down
Speaker:and um, yeah, it seems radical, some of it, but I don't know.
Speaker:I'm like, that's the, I think that was the gift of cancer to me was that I.
Speaker:It kind of narrowed my vision and my sight on what was important and what wasn't.
Speaker:And um, it gave me the freedom to just make changes that I probably
Speaker:honestly wouldn't have done otherwise.
Speaker:I'd just be living a mediocre life like Jared and I always used to say like, uh,
Speaker:our little slogan on a house was like, I love our life, like pre pre-cancer, even.
Speaker:You know, early on with kids we're like, we love our life.
Speaker:I just can't believe I get to live this life.
Speaker:And it's not that we don't love our life now, but it was kind of
Speaker:just this cocky, like we'd never experienced really anything hard.
Speaker:Like of course we loved life.
Speaker:Like it was so easy.
Speaker:We'd never actually, we were in our twenties, you know, living the life and
Speaker:just doing whatever we wanted to do.
Speaker:We weren't like focused really on anything.
Speaker:Um, So I still say now I love, I love my life today probably more than ever
Speaker:actually, um, having gone through this and um, yeah, that was definitely the gift
Speaker:of cancer was just narrows your vision and helps you reassess your values and
Speaker:put priority where things need to be.
Speaker:So I'm grateful for that piece.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Well, I'm, I'm really grateful for you, uh, coming on today and
Speaker:sharing a bit about your story.
Speaker:I mean, it's so challenging to hear some of what you say, and I guess a
Speaker:challenge for some of us listening, you know, is like, Could we like reconsider
Speaker:some of that stuff without, you know, like that those questions are things
Speaker:we should all be thinking about whether or not we have a cancer diagnosis.
Speaker:You know, it's,
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Speaker:it's, yeah, it's that, uh, thing, isn't it, that you kind of.
Speaker:Would like to think God could do it without like using something awful.
Speaker:But
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Speaker:it takes that big thing, doesn't it?
Speaker:To really shake, bring that shake up in your life that you need.
Speaker:But yeah, I thank you so much for joining us today.
Speaker:Um, it's been really great to hear a bit about your story.
Speaker:Um, I, you know, to be honest, I could keep chatting to you about it for ages.
Speaker:Um, but I am conscious of time on the podcast, so I'm gonna wrap
Speaker:up the conversation in a minute.
Speaker:But yeah, I did wanna say thank you for giving up your time today to talk to us
Speaker:and sharing so generously your story.
Speaker:Um, And also just to let listeners know that if Becky's story has
Speaker:particularly resonated with you, you can feel free to reach out to her.
Speaker:You can, um, do that through the Crowd Church team.
Speaker:Uh, just drop us an email or reach out to us on the website at www.crowd.church
Speaker:and we can put you in touch with her.
Speaker:If you wanna connect or hear a bit more about her story, perhaps you've got some,
Speaker:you know, overlapping story as well.
Speaker:Um, so Becky, a big thank you for joining us today.
Speaker:Thanks for being here.
Speaker:It's been great to have you.
Speaker:Thanks for having me.
Speaker:It was a pleasure to share with you.
Speaker:And just like that, we have reached the end of another fascinating conversation.
Speaker:Now remember to check out Crowd Church at www.crowd.church even if
Speaker:you might not see the point of church.
Speaker:You see we are a digital church on a quest to discover how Jesus can
Speaker:help us live a more meaningful life.
Speaker:We are a community, a space to explore the Christian faith and a place
Speaker:where you can contribute and grow.
Speaker:And you are welcome at Crowd Church.
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Speaker:So that's it from all of us this week here at What's The Story.
Speaker:Thank you so much for joining us.
Speaker:Have a fantastic week wherever you are in the world, we'll catch you next time.