You can skip today’s cup of coffee because today’s guest – Ernee Peppers – has enough energy for all of us.  Ernie has an electric and contagious personality and will inspire you to drop your baggage and step into your badassery. Todays episode centered around the power of forgiveness and the gift that is for yourself. Ernee shared about some trauma she faced in childhood and how freeing it was to forgive the person who caused that trauma and how that opened up her life. This conversation was so inspiring and I’m so grateful that Ernee showed up with her whole damn self.  If you find yourself holding on to something from your past, this episode is for you.

About the Guest: 

Ernee Peppers is a high hair wearin, high heel steppin, high energy givin, sashay walkin, sassy talkin Bold Badass Hot Pepper, is here to sizzle up your confidence and WOW up your life with her signature authentic girlfriend style type of conversations with a side order of gut-busting laughs. In her own words, “I will fart, piss and cry at the same time when I’m startled, hate eggs, love humor, and a cus word or two.”   Ernee is an award-Winning talk show host, speaker, author, actress, entertainer, coach, and entrepreneur and, more importantly, a wife, mom, sister, and friend. 

Connect with Ernee and learn more:

FB: https://www.facebook.com/Mrs.ErneePeppers

IG: https://www.instagram.com/theerneepeppersshow

Book: www.mrspeppersplaybook.com

About the Host: 

Friends! Here's a somewhat stuffy bio of me:  

I am an author, professional speaker, coach, host, and entrepreneur. My first book, Leading Imperfectly: The value of being authentic for leaders, professionals, and human beings, is available wherever people buy books. I speak internationally to willing and unwilling attendees about authenticity, vulnerability, and leadership. My clients include American Express, General Electric (GE), Accenture, Yale University, The Ohio State University, and many others. As a speaker, I am doing the two things I loves the most: making people think and making people laugh! 

I host my own events multiple times a year. They are 2-day events called Living Imperfectly Live (and sometimes they are 1-day virtual events). They are a space where humans from every walk of life can come together to be part of a community on the pursuit of badassery. The goal is to help attendees start living the life we say we want to live.

Alas, you're here because of an idea I had a number of years ago and didn't think I was good enough to pull it off. I finally acted on it and alas Diner Talks with James was born! As you can see from what I do in my professional life, Diner Talks is alligned with everything I believe in and teach.  If this wasn't dry enough, and you would like to know more info about my speaking, events, or coaching feel free to check out my website: JamesTRobo.com.

Let’s Be Friends on Social Media!

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jamestrobo

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jamestrobo

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jamesrobilotta/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/JamesRobilottaCSP

Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/JamesTRobo

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Welcome to diner talks with James slide into the booth and let's have conversations we never want to end with friends we never want to leave over food we probably shouldn't be

my friends what is going on? Welcome to another episode of diner talks with James. I'm James and I'm pumped to be here with you all slide into the diner. How you doing? Let's get you a chocolate milkshake with one of them little metal kins on the side with the extra sounds in it for you. We're excited that you are here my friends. I'm pumped. I got a cool woman on the show today. We've never met before. I actually think she just randomly signed up to be on this podcast and didn't even reach out to me on the front end but I read her bio is like I don't even care. Let's go. It's time to work. And so I appreciate audacity I appreciate appreciate boldness, and I appreciate her message. I'm excited to tell you about the one and only Ernie peppers. Ernie peppers is a high hair wearing high heel stepping high energy given sachet walking Sasa talking bold badass hot pepper. I wish I wrote that. I didn't. But I need to write my introduction over again. After reading this one. She's here to sizzle up your confidence and wow up your life with their signature authentic girlfriend style type of conversations with a side otter a gut busting laughs We have those available here at the diner for you. She's a high energy powerhouse speaker. She's an award winning talk show host speaker author, actress entertainer. She's a wife, a mom, a sister, a friend. And she this is her quote, will fart PIs and cry at the same time when she is startled. I hope we don't see that today, my friends. But either way she hates eggs loves humor and a cuss word or two aka my kind of people. Let's bring her out right now. The one me only Ernie pepper

Ernie, what's going on? How are you today?

I am full of fabulous honey.

I love it. I love it. Now you are you're coming from Flatbush Brooklyn. Yes, you're born and raised in Brooklyn, Brooklyn.

Yes, I was. I was well hold on. I was born in Harlem. That's what I heard. They told me at eight years old they bought me into Brooklyn into projects. And I've been there in Brooklyn ever since I got out the project still.

Okay, okay. Okay, here we go. That's a big switch. Cuz you know, sometimes, you know, like, like Harlem, Harlem in Brooklyn got some beef. You know, sometimes and what I'm, I'm I'm a hip hop head, right? And so that's always like the Harlem rappers aren't talking to Brooklyn rappers don't get that's changed a little bit now. But But still, but so that that is that is that is a move. My dad was born raised in the Bronx. My mom was born and raised in the Queens so so we're touching a lot of the boroughs in this country.

Yes. Brooklyn don't mess with proxies. You know that right?

Absolutely. That's probably the worst of all. And just no one talks about Staten Island cuz you don't need to get out of here. I love this. You know, Ernie, as a fellow New Yorker, this show is called diner talks with James so I know you've been to a diner here's my question for you. As a as a human being, what is your what is the what are your favorite late night food? Guilty Pleasures? Like if you're going to go to a diner late at night, what is what's your move, Ernie.

Now, you said you're from Flatbush. Okay. Do you remember from radiant diner on Flatbush Avenue,

the radiant diner row radiant Floridian YES. OKAY. YES was like I don't know the radiant. Yeah,

maybe. There when we come from my parties. We'll go there pocket, baby and I will order the waffle. What? Double sausage. Okay. That's, that's my guilty pleasure. That's what I'll do at a diner.

Here's, here's the honest question. Do you put Do do you also put a little bit of syrup on the sausage as well? Because I do.

Maybe I did. I'm a dipper.

You're different. Yep, baby didn't call now dip, baby. So I love it. Waffles is a great move. Waffles are great. But whenever I eat waffles, I make sure that I put butter in every single one. Yeah, you gotta do it. No square left.

Little hole. Yes, exactly.

I love it. So So you're right. You're born and raised in Harlem. Until you're eight till you're eight then you moved to Brooklyn.

Brooklyn, but then dad sent me my mom sent me to Trinidad and Tobago darlin. Okay, now, yes, a Trinidad and Tobago is all that send me back here

now are you a are you 100% Trinidadian?

No, honey.

No, no. Okay. I just picked an island

that it was from the Bronx. Okay. Okay, so no, yeah, you're an American to an

American. Gotcha. Okay. Got you. So now, uh, you know, is that is that? Is that a part of your culture that you are still proud of? Like, is that is that something that you or do you cook the food? Do you still go down there? You got family down in Trinidad and Tobago or whatever.

Have a shitload of family down there. And I'm in in a trainee. Honey, you know what, no TVs down there, honey. My grandmother had 16 kids. Oh my gosh, it was no damn TV, baby. Okay, so I got nothing but aunts and uncles, cousins, honey galore. But let me tell you, honey, I ain't been down there yet. Oh, no. Get that story is a honey. That's another episode. That's a lifetime story, buddy. Okay, what happened? The reason why I never made it back. Well, let me tell you a little bit.

Please tell me a little bit because that'd be great. I was gonna ask anyway.

I've been down in because it left my ass up here. Okay. Hey, nobody called me nobody cuz I was eight years old. Yeah. And nobody come back and call me say how you doing anybody this shit? They just left me. And I didn't appreciate that James. Yeah. I think it was messed up on they have to do that. You don't do that to no little baby.

Especially eight year old, eight years old. You know, you know what's happening. You're feeling your feelings.

Exactly. And I know damn. Well, I was moved from the island on the beaches, running and ripping in the woods to come into putting on a goddamn winter coat. Okay, right. Okay. There's a total different and a nobody told me shit.

Yeah, he was got but he's got moved around.

And up on top of that. I was living with the Meenal stepmom. Oh, no, thanks. Okay. So that tells the whole story. Yeah.

Yeah, that's a mess of trauma right there for sure. I appreciate you telling us about that. Yeah, that was eight year old. Yes, absolutely. Yeah, that'll stick with you. I don't blame you for not going back.

Mm hmm. But But since since Corona, Del Sol. I want to go. I want to go back. I want to go visit so I'll get down there once all this stuff clears up.

Yeah. Yeah, for sure. For sure. Yeah. Some conversations need to be had. But I know

some furniture moving around that damn place some furniture out. Okay.

So tell me growing up growing up in. Growing up in Brooklyn. Let's talk about your time in Brooklyn. You mentioned that you grew up in the projects. What did what did young Ernie want to be? What? What did you already? Yeah, what were your were your dreams that

let me tell you eight years old. from eight to 11. I didn't speak trauma. Okay. I was being treated like shit. Okay. Didn't know these goddamn Americans. Alright. They're moved into the damn house. Move into the damn projects. You know what now let's say no damn buildings at Danby. Right? Okay, possibly had to do a winter coat didn't like, and I was getting beat for no damn reason. Calling all types of names and all this crap. I'm eight. But it was okay. from eight to 11 to because I let back because I wouldn't say shit. Okay, I wasn't talk. Because I was scared to talk. Because you know, when you have an accent, the children will tease you. So I didn't want that. That was teasing me honey. And I Oh, honey. No, I wasn't like I was right now. So what happens? I stopped talking about the shutdown between home and school dad Damn, I find it I could have almost killed themselves. You know that tragic. It was tragic. Yeah, sure. As you get in there, I met a teacher called Miss Taylor saved my life honey, because I wanted to be in a play. But she told me you have to know you have to speak. We speak in blades. So she told me Look, this is what you're gonna do. Because I was just like you when I was younger. You don't know teachers tell you that shit, you know, she was never like me, right relate to you and I'm getting the same thing, honey. I was there I understand. So she tells me, you know, I'm Ernestina because that's what the hell they named me until I named my damn self. Okay? She says, Well, honey, you're going to have to speak in order to be in this play. And how I'm going to get you to speak is I need for you to pick your favorite character on TV and act just like them. Okay. And she said, now, we never got to hear you speak. Because you won't be the next but be that person. That's nice. That's good. James. I never turned around yet. I'm still someday somebody else. I don't even know who the hell I am.

I feel like I feel like I'm on your show. This is great. So So what character did you pick at the time?

At the time I liked? Um, Carol Burnett and Lucy. So absolutely. So silly works for me, because I had the audience laughing. Yeah. So I was like, Oh my God. They didn't even hear my accent. So now they're looking at me and they're laughing and I'm like, Oh, I've got something now. And that was it. So that it was laughing with me, not Acme. Mm hmm. And I've been carrying that ever since I've been in every damn play ever since. Everybody knew me then. And it's amazing that this is how I teach my public speaking classes. Oh, yes. And if I told you, James, act like your dad or act like your brother or act like your mom, I bet you can do it just like that. And you see how that works. So now you don't have to be embarrassed and me telling you James you know that you you know that was added like that? That was my mom. That's my mom. My mom. So you see how that works? I do you tricking your mind. And you're tricking everybody else. So hey, it works. I am a good product that it works baby.

You know the phrase the phrase fake it till you make it is popular, right? Yes. So faking it, honey. I wonder I push back on that a little bit of I can't. Because I think your finger do you make a bit all you ever do is fake it. I don't know if you ever really make it right. But now you're clearly making it. So I'm not trying to insult at all where you are and what you've done. But I think there's a line in there. And so I'm wondering for you, as you were as you were doing some of these plays when you were younger? You found your voice? Yes. You found a voice? Yes. When did you find you found a voice? When do you think you found your voice? I mean, I know you. You jokingly tell me you haven't found yet. I'm still acting right. But like, at the same time, you definitely have settled in to being a badass woman. And recognizing your greatness. I'm wondering, Where did you go from finding a voice to finding your voice? When do you think that happened?

Let me tell you, it possibly happened in college. That's probably why it happened in college, because now you're not really under anybody scrutiny anymore. You're pretty much on y'all. Yeah. And at that particular time, I had an opportunity to call out and be away from the little kids. You know, the high school kids give us what the grown ups and I would have an acting teacher and I had all these people and I took a piece of them a piece and I'm like, damn, I like that. I like the way she say that. I like the way she, um, do whatever. And I chose little pieces because honey, I love me some Debbie Allen, I dance is my ass off honey. I dances honey. And as I was doing that, I found that I wanted to not be and look like anyone else. I want it to be my own meat. And this is when I created my hair. I created you know a different walk a different swagger. I created what I wanted to see. You get to understand what it is I do. Yes. What I want to see is what I have just became Hmm. Because I know people like that. And I want to make sure that everyone around me positive thinking no negative thinking, always smiling and people love energetic people. I don't like no Barnett's people do you.

Boring people tend to suck the life out.

Exactly. And I give life when I see you before I even seen them the damn people smiling Okay,

you're right.

And I needed something to separate me from them. They're officers, because you know, we all look the same from the neck down, right? Sure. Yep. So I need it. Honey, I could stand in a room with 10,000 officers. And I'll be seeing, huh? You're right. That's what you want. You want that magnetic. This is what I tell people, the magnetic presence. That's what it is. Find you. And just just exploding it all over the damn place. Email it, take a picture, write it down. Do whatever you got to do. But don't ever not know. Don't ever be scared to not be you or to be noticed.

Yeah. Would you go so far as to say that you created a brand? Yes, I

did. Yeah. Yes.

Yeah, with the look with everything and for those of you on your if you're watching on the live stream, you see it but like it for those of you that don't like this, this is I hesitate to even try to describe it because I'm a white man and I use the wrong words a lot. But you gotta read this. It's a stunning blonde. Elevated, I must say bouffant. I don't know if that's the right word, but it feels like it's the right word but it's it's a it's it's incredible. Oh ha It's a Mohan there was a Yeah, but it's like but it's like the classy is most beautiful Mohawk.

Right about to pick up a slayer guitar. Yeah. But it's no it's incredible. Yeah, it's it is its prominence. Beautiful. And so that's incredible. Where did where did you go to college?

I went to the School of Visual Arts. Okay.

I love it. I love it. So. So creativity has always been something that has been passionate. Yes. In your in your world. Yes. You know, even during those times where you weren't talking? Did you have a creative outlet? Were you writing were you was it was a music what

I wrote I wrote plays Yeah, I always wrote something like ghetto girls, huh? Well, we had the talent shows ghetto girls was coming on. I always reenact Joan Rivers, and reenact Lucy, and I would just bring those skits to life. And just do it. I loved it. And everyone loved it, too. Because I know I can entertain.

Yeah. Yeah. Here's a question that I that. I hope you hope I asked it in the right way. If I don't want you to push back on me, please. I'm still a work in progress. But growing up in the projects is, as you said that you did. You know there's a it's a very cyclical nature, right? And I'm not everybody gets out, right? It's the crabs in the bucket analogy where everybody gets pulled back in, right? They don't let people if you and if you do get out, you get shamed for leaving, right, because like, Oh, you're too good for us. Oh, you're doing this. You're damn right. I am. Right. So I'm wondering, right, like, I wonder wondering for you. When did you say like, I want to rewrite my story, my story is bigger, bigger than this is potentially the wrong way to put it. But you know what I mean? Like, my story is gonna be different than this than what I'm seeing around me.

It wasn't my choice to leave. I've got to put the fuck out. I got put up the step model. I was I graduated from high school. And my time was up on it a job or no job. I had to go. So I got put up. It was the best put out I have ever, ever had my life. Okay. Miserable last. Okay, so yes, I was put out. So is like I wanted to leave. I wanted to leave, but I didn't know how to leave early. I only had some friends. And luckily, these friends showed me what a what a good household is supposed to look like. Not mine. Mine was just so dysfunctional. And you know, and it was because my dad messed around on his wife and had me I was a love child. And then my mom passed away. And I'm stuck with his his him and his physical as way. So I get it now why she felt the way she felt. Because now she had bought me the constant reminder that his eyes went out and messed around on her. I get it but I also do get it You didn't have to accept me. You don't have to do that. You beat me. You did. Oh, James. Oh, honey. I think that was a lot today. I probably will pies. But I forgave her way before she was able to die. She passed on and I forgave her before she passed on so that I can live on. Yeah, because I couldn't move on it In my creativity and where I was going, as long as I was holding on to what she used to call me, bitches and hoes and sluts, I was eight. I didn't know what the hell that is. But this is what she did. But she was doing that out of anger. Was it? Black woman's gone, honey. So I get it. Now I get it. But I didn't get it at eight. I didn't get it at 10 I didn't get it at 15 I didn't get it. Right. You know, but I get it now. But you know, that had a lot to do with because I've been with my boyfriend husband for 35 years. Oh,

let's go. So real love.

Yes. I still like him. Okay.

So Mary J. Blige is talking about

real love. and I hope she finds it

That's a Yeah, that's a that's a that's another podcast also. That's so powerful that you were I mean, forgiveness is something that it when we, when we're able to do it. It's always fascinating to see how much almost more it is a gift to ourselves. Yes. And that's how it really was for you. Yeah. Like it removed the, you know, the whole wall. Yeah,

area that was up, it removed it. And how I ended up it happens when I went to jail. I wish I could do it that way. I started the correctional department in 2005. And when I went in, within that six months, James, I thought I was getting ready to have a nervous breakdown. Meaning that I wasn't me no more. I wasn't happy. I was upset. I was confused. And that eight year old nine year old 10 year old surfaced, because I never dealt with it before. But you got to deal with these things. Because no matter when you're ready, ready or not. Oh, it comes up Cree will rise to the top, even though I kept it down and and and just kept it under without anyone knowing it. It over gave me and I happen to I guess because now I seen they closed the door behind you. And you're in jail just like the rest of them. You can't make phone calls. You can't do this. You can't do that. And I felt as if I was back home, not being able to do anything. And that's surface the lot. And I told a friend of mine, and he introduced me to a place called landmark. Oh, last place. You heard of it?

I have heard a landmark. Yeah. But tell tell us about because I don't think everybody here has heard about

landmark is a place that that fix you. Fix You in a weekend. Okay, no matter what you've been through. Big picture on a weekend.

Forum, right? Yeah. The forum, right? Yes.

It gets you you come in on a Friday night. And they give you your orientation and they tell you Look, you're gonna be here Friday, Saturday, Sunday. And then Monday is graduation. You say we like what the graduation so that you they go on and they say you want to be here from nine in the morning until 10 at night. Watch us. They say we already know because we're gonna have to kick you all out. pulleys. So we all get there. And it was I was in a room with 350 people. Mm James, you couldn't hear up in drop. And this man was on stage. I forget his name. But I see his face. tall, slender, gray headed, thin white dude. And the way he spoke was amazing. Yeah, he takes you all the way back from when your mother and father met. And he tells you they love each other. And he said they make love and then they have you and the sperm is fighting his way through and boom, you were the winner. He feels you now you're growing. And and you're hearing these voices and boom, now you're your birth. And now you're looking at everybody trying to match the the voices you hear in the stomach while you're in the mall. And he takes you through H one, h two. And you close your eyes. And James Damn it if you don't see yourself at that age. Wow. You know at this man just gets into you and he pours into you and he makes you bring it out. At the end by the time he gets up. You start hearing people when their abuse started. They start screaming out and he says Keep it going He said work it through, work it through, and you're crying. And and you know, I want to mess up my makeup. So um, I kept a straight face, but I felt

Ernie ain't no punk.

People will see me like this I don't know these people to be on my best behavior at all time. So he tells you at the end of it, he says, Now what I need you to do is to go and call the person that hurts you. If they pass the way you write them a letter. Hmm, baby, the most terrifying thing that has ever happened in my entire life. I had to call this woman that I hadn't spoke to in about 10 years. And my heart is beating heart beating heart heart. It answers the phone. And I'm like hell out. She was like, What do you want? I said, Oh, um, I was gonna hang up. But I noticed man said they'll come back in my room if you can't make that man call. So I made the call. So I had to go through it. And I told her, I said, I need to speak with you. Look at me, I'm trembling. All right. I remember the day I remember the day a lot. And I told her, I said, I need to speak to you. And I and she said about what? I said, Well, I just want to forgive you. I want to forgive you for the beatings. I wanted to give you for the the assaults, that the rate, the note that no back, the note eating the small clothes, the constant getting slapped, and big, I forgive you. Because I understood. And I understand where it's from and why you did it. She says hold up. I've got something to say. I says no, you don't. Because you had your turn to call me and say that you apologize. You sorry for what you did. I said this is my turn now. And I said I wish you nothing but the best that the rest of your life have to offer. And I will never ever speak to you again. Hung up because I had I had a pink flip the phone that close. You know what was it cellular

back then? Razor?

razor razor? Close it down. James right after that. I got the cry came out. It came out but it came bursting out. And I'm choking and I'm choking it. Oh, and this big bowl of like I will say like like mucus came out. Just mucus. It was nothing else. I had already a breakfast, I ate all that. None of the breakfast came up. But this mucus schema change. I felt like I was I was I was so like, Huh. I never looked back. I was free. I had regurgitated that little girl out of all the hate that I had for that woman. And I look back since and I've been able to live the rest of live my life on my terms. Okay.

She never tried to reach out to you.

Absolutely not. Yeah, you think she won Hey, oh, now. I wasn't playing Oh, yeah. So that's, that's part of the struggle that I had to go through in order to get to where I am now. It's a struggle. But I will always tell people, it will rise to the top, handle it when it gets there, because you can't handle it before. Because now you're ready to go through it. Go through it, cry, cry, kick, scream. And I told them and I stood up and I spoke and I told them my job is to make sure that every other woman goes through what I went through to be themselves. Hmm. And this is what I've been doing ever since.

First of all, thank you. Thank you for sharing that story. Thank me right that's I mean, I know that you have worked through it and and it's been a powerful situation and it's but it's still personal and I really thank you for for opening up to us in that way here. Open up to me. And so the the landmark forum going through this, this like literally just like removing the weight, like you said, regurgitating the trauma so it was out of your out of your body And that enabled you to find this calling this mission. Yes. Which is incredibly.

Yes. I already had it, but it just wasn't going anywhere. Because I wasn't given it all. Yeah. Something was holding me back. That's what it was. Yeah, that was doing it. But it wasn't me. It was like, yeah. Yeah, she trying. Yeah. But now after that came on, oh, yes, baby. Yes. And nothing holding me back now, because I understood it wasn't my fault. Yeah.

What a gift to give yourself and I liked the way you put it. I think I agree with it. I'm just like, I let it sit with me for a little bit. I'm an internal process from time to time. But I like the idea that like, you deal with it when it arises. Right. And so I think I think that I mean, that's, that's a powerful sentiment. I'm a firm believer, I went through I went through a divorce a few years ago, five years ago now. And, and, and I created a playlist on my Spotify, or whatever it was, and it was literally called in the fire. And it truly was, like, the songs that reminded me of that human and the songs that were adjacent or songs about, and it was like, it was like, James, you just, you just need to sit in it for a second. Yeah, you got to sit in it. It's no, there's no walking around the fire with some of these things. No, that's avoidance. That's avoidance. Yeah, so yeah, so you gotta Yeah, so I mean, I literally was like, I gotta, I gotta be in I gotta be in my fields. I gotta sit in it. I gotta, I cannot run from this because my, you know, the big thing for me was that, and I told my, my now my now wife this at the time, was that, like, the more work I do right now on this, the better our relationship is going to be moving.

You can be for her? Absolutely. Yes.

It absolutely sucks that I needed to hurt somebody in order to become a better man.

No, no, no, no, no. No. Why are you putting hot fires? What about you?

That's not what I do any you don't know. I'm a pharmacist. Okay, I pass out the drugs. I don't take them, you know, I'm saying. So, here's one of my fat, the fascinating plateaus. You talked about when I went to jail. You've been a corrections officer for a correction, a corrections officer for 18 years. What Oh, what an incredible what an incredible 10 year in that role. I feel like that's an abnormal amount of time to stay in that role. But if you're free to correct me if I'm if I'm incorrect, but what is it about? You know, you talked about how, you know, your mission is to help women kind of, you know, regurgitate and be able to move forward and whatnot. Is that does that tell me tell me about your role as a corrections officer? Why, why there for 18 years? What is the work that you do? And how does it How does it inspire you and keep you to coming back?

Well, how I got into this is because my bestest, bestest girlfriend that I grew up with since I was eight. That was the home that I used to go to, like, almost every weekend. And this is how I knew what a family was supposed to be like. She went into the correctional department early on, like, like, I think it was like 87 819 87. She went on, like, pretty much right after we came out of high school. So she went into there, and I went into the TV Land. I did TV, I did this and I'm doing rap parties. Oh, I'm living my best this life. So she's gonna tell me and I still tell her she was jealous. She's like, well, you need to take the correction officer test. So you can be stable. You only do 20 years. They pay you good. And that's it. This this little job that you got this little thing you got going on, you know, every every month or two. Every year you run in after another job, another TV role. That's like, You got to get serious. You have a daughter now. As I go, Oh, okay. I thought she made sense. Okay, I messed around it took a chip bought the damn tests while she bought the application and stuff for me. James, I Miss Amanda took the test and I passed the shit. Even though I didn't even study. I was dead. damn smart. Yeah. I passed the damn test. And then they caught me within like maybe about a month. Real fast. At that particular time, I was working at BBC. I was working there. I think it was like in the Time Square area. I was working there. And they called me so then I left and I went because I was supposed to there was just getting ready to get me off of another job. So I said you know what corrections is right on time. So that's what I did. I chose it. Hmm. What is the girl to do when she was getting ready to look for another job? go hmm, yeah. And that's it. It was a difficult change because I was used to wear my suits and my heels and my makeup and my you know my everything put on boy boots and I am lucky suit

you want to save clothes every day, James. I never had the problem like I used to have. What am I gonna wear today? I don't have that damn problem, James. Yeah, because I already know I took it all and I'm ain't gonna do number put it back on

Sundays brother always

has to become nice. Yeah. Yeah, in and out. You know, but still, I still have to find you know, something different about me? Because we all look the same way my age on it. You know? That's it. Yeah. Side. It's all here. It's all mental. Remember, I told you I grew up in the projects? Mm hmm. It helped.

Okay, sure.

You have the street smarts that the wit the talk. The you know, we got to get the game. We we got it? Well, you from the streets. Okay, so it was a lot easier for me to convert instead of the struggle. Like if I was on Long Island, you know, saying, you know,

that's where I grew up. So watch your mouth. Okay. I'm just kidding. No, you're you're 100%. Correct. Someone is someone who grew up on Long Island and ever put the K in the word streets. Yeah. So but which would make me not really, right. relatability is powerful when we see ourselves and someone else we believe that we can. And so I agree with you.

Yes. So once you get in there, you end up finding that it's nothing but the streets and the inside. That's all it is. It's the streets. It's just that you're telling them what to do now. Go to bed, go shower, Tamat lights out, lack in. You know, it's that type of conversation. And you're in there to basically calm things down, because you're never running anything. You're just there as the mediator in the housing area. And you're in there one person, two officers. One person on the floor. What 100 Guys. Okay, and if you mess up, you can mess up really well. But I never messed up. Because I carried myself in a certain way. A mother figure type of way. Yeah. So I never had that little thing crossed. I never had that crossover, like a lot of the females said, because I came in, in my 30s. Okay, it's not like they know what my role is. Okay.

30s Okay.

You know, the 20s they want them, you know, because they pop in it. You know, I had a husband and kids. They want the young one that's gonna go out and tell them all what they did on the weekend. They go ask me what you do this weekend? What do you think? I'll have no exaggerated stories. Yeah, my stories would get bigger and bigger. And they will catch me out there. Even like, well, how many kids you have for the another one would ask me six. I don't like Well, look, the only reason because we'll adopt to Okay. You know, I'll just give them all types of stories. And they'd be like, Yo, we you know, we don't believe you're right. But hey, it's a story, huh? You ask? So I told you, I told you something, you know, and that's what kept the weapon and kept them you know, I kept my own scenario. On the on the law. You give them what they're supposed to have, and what they what they need, never what they want. And those are the rules. Hmm.

Give them what they're supposed to have. Give them what they need. And not what they want.

Never give them what they want. Mm hmm. No. Those are the rules, honey. Hmm, yeah. Just like the kids. You know, everything they want. Now when it comes down they now they don't Yeah. Yeah. Never get them what they want. Only what they need. That's it. They need a soap, toothpaste, shower. That's all they need. Anything else? That ain't no me. So those are the rules when you go in? Yeah. Yeah,

with there being you know, a ratio of 100 100 to 100 to two you Obviously you see them every day. So you are relationship building. And do you notice? Do you have the opportunity to do some of the work that you love with some of those individuals is in like having some of these conversations about now? Okay, great.

They are who they are James, they grab it Oh, no. Now, you treat them as Oh, that's it. I know who they are. They know who they are. And don't ever forget who they are. Don't try to make them into something that they're not. That's the mistake.

Fascinating. So. So I have a question about that. Because I'm wondering, you're like you said, Don't ever forget who they are. Yeah. Do you ever win? So I guess it sounds like you have trained your brain to therefore also not ever think about who they could be?

There you go. I don't think about what you could be. Absolutely not. Everybody, everybody inside is a criminal. I don't care what it is. I don't care if you you, you just jumped the turnstile, your criminal to me. And I treat you so because I'm not there to judge you. You would have us on your way here because you took the damn test. Mm hmm. You know, so you're in there for a reason. And I treat you so now I don't disrespect you. Yeah, I will give you what you supposed to have your minimum standards. And that's it. I'm not there to judge you. You didn't take the test? That's all I know. Yeah. And I treat you so and I give you what you're supposed to have. And that's it. Nothing more. Nothing more, nothing less.

Do you think What the What role does? I mean? I've, like you said they're in there for a reason. And, and, and largely a lot of those reasons are typically because of choices and choices have consequences. Some of those reasons are also systemic. Yes, yes. So I mean, that's, that's not a conversation that you can necessarily have on the inside, I would assume. But that's got to be something that plays on your heart as well a little bit.

Jay, what my job is to make sure that me and my damn lashes come out of there. Okay. Okay. That's my job. To make sure that I am okay to come home to my family. That's my job. And that's it. So no, I can't take on what what type of fuckup he'd been doing ever since even to this day. My problem? Yeah, that's your mama problem. And apparently, she didn't take care of it. So why should I? I've had to make sure that my baby's gonna wind up in here. That's what I got to make sure. So no, I don't care what the internet for James. They all did the same thing as far as I'm concerned. Something wrong. Okay.

Ernie, this is fascinating. Oh, always appreciative of honesty. And so I'm much much respect to your honesty. And, and yeah, it's I mean, it's, it's a world that I don't know. And so so I appreciate, you know, you providing your perspective on it. And so, so in your work, in your work, like you said, you're also thinking about your own family and your own growth and personal growth. And so, outside of being a correctional officer, you have built a pretty cool career around being a public speaker, and being someone who is sharing a message is specifically talked about my first question about that is that you specifically talked about it earlier is that you'd like to work with women. Yes. Tell me about that. I think that's beautiful.

Why I chose women is because even though I know that men do go through things, too, but I'm not a man. I don't know. I don't know how to deal with you on that level. But women I know their heart, and I know what they can possibly go through. And I know what they're feeling. For instance, James, you tell me a young lady is sitting on the bus and she's crying. What do you say? Oh, a man sitting on the bus trying. What do you say? Man? The head around him. So the feelings is so much different. And we take each other even though a man It's supposed to cry, you're supposed to cry. But they're brought up with Don't cry, hold it in, you know, but it's not fair. But again, I can't deal with that. Because I don't know what your heart is. I don't I don't know you. But I know a woman's heart. And that's all I can do is sympathize for her. I know her strength, I know what she can go through. And certain things that we can get over together, and we can talk and we can cry together. And we're good. You can't tell them go out with a man. You can. But the message is not going to be somebody's got to be strong come out. You know. So it's just a different type of a different type of Beast, when you're looking at it from a woman to a man, you know, trying to heal him. Now, don't get me wrong, us women, we do love a strong man. But when it comes down to dealing with a lot of whatever issues they have been through theirs is a lot stronger than what it is, is it any different, but no men will feel things different than we will. And you'll take it more personal than what we as women will get up and try to keep going. Because again, we hold up the family, we're nurturers, we have to keep going, even if we're hurting, keep going. Mm hmm. And that's pretty much a lot of the differences in why I chose the women because I can relate to her a lot better, I can see that there's something going on with her. I know when she's fronting it all. I know when something has happened. You can smile and loss and all that stuff. But you can still see the hurt underneath that. Yeah, you can't really tell it with the men too much. Unless you're conversating with them.

Right. Sure. Sure. I think I think it's, uh, first of all, I think it's, it's great that you found your people that you feel the most confident working with. Right. That's, that's, that's key right there. As they say, the riches are in the niches. Right? And so so so I love that, you know, as, as someone who does it, who does men's work, I talked to men and sitting room with men and make try to make men feel, and, and whatnot and get men to have conversations with each other because it's important. I think that I think there's a lot of narratives written about men that are often inaccurate and easy. And, and so there there is, I appreciate you highlighting the complexities of some of that in there. Because I think that's a very real, a very real piece, right? Men are men are taught by society to be internal processors. Yes, yes. And so

yeah. So, you know, just to piggyback on that, right, when, and I will say my role in jail as a female dealing with 100 men. Now, I know what I can do as a female, to get them to do what I need to get done. This is where the softness come in. And it's not so much, ah, you know, aggression to aggression. I'm the softer one. So if I ask, Hey, honey, do me a favor, versus you? Yo, yo, yo, come in. It's, you know, it's not so good. But I can go and get him to do anything to where you have to struggle. That's what testosterone testosterone and you guys are both trying to conquer way I'm not trying to conquer. Right. So, yeah, water move around the gym a lot better.

Yeah. water cools, fire. Fire builds fire, right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So tell me about the work that you love to do as a speaker and the speaker coaching that's that I know you're working on you got an online coaching. course that's coming out. But But tell me a little bit more about the the why Right. Like, you know, what are some of these individuals that that you love to reach? And what do you love? What is the work that you love to do with them?

My niche now is the new launch is new entrepreneurs. Okay? I feel that the new entrepreneurs is the shit because they are the more creative ones. They're coming up with the ideas. They're coming up with the niches they're coming up with the that's the seed to blossom, but they got a problem. Ain't trying to talk to nobody. And that's where I come in. They don't know that they don't they don't know that they don't need me. It doesn't, right. They don't know that they don't need me. Okay. Yep. Okay. And what they need is when you get and you have a something to sell, you need to talk. You need to be open, you need to be presentable. You need to be a badass like said a badass, and you need to look like you have a product and you just shit. And you're the best shit that goes on since sliced bread. And this is what you have to, this is what I try to teach. But it comes from in here. It all starts in here. So you got to know your product inside out, flip it in the dark wherever you got to know it. And in order to walk into a place and like I said, move furniture. Now when I say move the furniture and you walk into a place, you got to have your own style. There you go. Your own style, your your own, walk your own swap your own pimp walk, I teach them in the pit walk. Baby, and I teach the women the sash yet. And these are the little things, just the little things that gets the attention. And instead of me just looking at you to turn my head. Now you have to move the furniture because now turning the whole scene around to just watch you. And that's what you want. That's the attraction and magnetic presence that I always talk about. You want that and everybody wants that. You will not admit that you want it. But you want to you want to be like this shit when you walk in some damn place. You want that? Because sometimes you'll be looking at the person. That's the shit. Maybe like, wow, you want that? How do you get it? Sometimes you don't have the balls in the wholeness to say, Yo, that's what I want. But deep down inside you like huh? I like that suit. Oh, I like the way he walked on like, but you ain't got the balls to go tell them that. Let's see we women, we can do that. Name that girl. And I love that dress. Oh, that dress fit. And you just go this way that you say these things? And you keep it moving. But men's, you don't do that. You cry softly in the dog.

I don't want to talk about it or any I don't want to talk about it. You know, it's interesting when you're talking about this idea of you know, helping people you know walk into the room with their own swag or their own their own their own limp their own you know, whatever. I think a big you say pimp? I'll say because I think it's more politically correct. Good, though. Yeah. Just it just hits different When a man says, so I got you I got I gotta I gotta watch. I'm doing my thing over here. So so but here's, here's a question is that, you know, as you work with some of these clients, is it about helping them discover their own walk their own gait? Right? It's not necessarily like, You got to come here and do it's not like Come here and take a drink. Drink this Kool Aid. Grab to this. It's yeah, let's help you find your own confidence, your own style, your own amazing, blonde Mohawk.

Whatever it is, yes. And you and I help them find that the way my fifth grade teacher taught me. Who is it that you that you like? What is it that you like about them? If you want to take something from them and make it yours? What would it be? Oh, everybody don't like themselves wholeheartedly. And we all have grown up and took a piece of our mom, my dad, I says, we all have done that in order to create who you are. Because some of them they'd be like, Oh, I just like my dad. Do you think that that was coincidently? Yeah. That's what you adapt. And sometimes it works for you. And sometimes it don't. You know, and you can see some people be like, Damn, you look at just like your mama. I don't know, is that a compliment? You know, and some things will work for you. But those are the things that you chose to take out. And, and and place in you. And it's just like the Legos you're building. You're building on who you are. And once you come up with whatever it is, you know, toss it in a ball, boom. There's you and that's all I'm not saying there's nothing wrong with you. But there's something wrong if nobody likes you is

here's a quote of the podcast not saying it's so the wrong with you. But there's something wrong and no one likes Yeah. That's the quote of the podcast. Write that one down to eat it so is this what you know? You just got it. You had a book drop recently Mrs. Mrs. Peppers playbook? Yes, baby. Mrs. Peppers playbook. Is this what is this what you're talking about in this book as well as it kind of, uh, you know, we're not we're not seeing him speak and we're not seeing a part of a coaching program. We don't have an online course. Is his book helping us? Is that what it's doing?

What the book is doing is telling you exactly what I do. I'm not doing What someone else does on stage, I'm giving you exactly what Ernie peppers do, when she's on stage to get ready, if she rehearse how she mirrors how she even pick what she does. If it's music, if I sweep, if I mock, if I do whatever it may be, I'm letting you know, this is how I do it. And it's so simple, that you can do it too. It is not rocket science, it is not that tough. It is very simple. Say it because people want to see you, they don't want to see some day everybody else, and they want to see they want to hear a couple of goddamn cuss words every now and then. Okay? Want to know that you are real, they want to know that you bought, they want to know that. Because it's human, it is nothing that's inhumane that I'm talking about, or that I'm doing. Everyone wants to be noticed. Because if you didn't, you wouldn't get dressed the way you get dressed in the morning, you wouldn't comb your hair, you wouldn't do certain things. So everyone has that thing of wanting to be noticed. And that's it. So you want to be known as how to talk how to walk, how to put it on, just put it on, just leave your boring ass outside the stage and bring that exciting person on the stage. After you're done. You say thank you pick up RNs out, back up, and then you walk on out. You can always be you. But when you are in front of everyone else, you have to give the audience what they want. And you're born as is not who they want. A concert and was born. Come on.

Come on. Come on now. Speak to it. Speak on it. Ernie, it's it's so it is refreshing to hear you talk at the same time. There's so many things and not so many. There's a number of things that you say that are contradictory to sometimes what I teach, I talk a lot about being authentic, owning your imperfections, and showing up as you because who you are is enough. And so there's a balance there. I think there's a balance between our our schools of thought, because you're not out here. I don't even know we're calling people born asses. Right. I think I think ultimately, what that what we're also trying to talk is that like, you are good enough to show up with all of your energy, you're good enough to show up with your whole gift. Yeah, people. And sometimes when we perceive ourselves as being boring, that's because we've taken ourselves out of the game a little bit. Yes. Is that would you agree with that? I totally agree. All right. Yeah. Because if you didn't, I don't know where we'd find a connection point.

There is a certain degree of being yourself, yeah, there's a certain degree. And every place that we go, we are someone different because we have to act and adapt to our environment. Now, yes, when I go to work, I have a total different look. And and that I don't bring outside. So I have adapted to my environment. When I go to dinner with my husband. I don't

waver water.

Do you see what I'm saying? So you have to act accordingly. And if you want to present yourself to someone, or you're going for an interview, I want to know who you are. But I also want to know that you can adapt to your environment. You know, so I'm not trying to say leave all of you home, because you can't just leave the part that nobody wants to see if you want to just do that at home. Fine, but it's not good for if you're coming to present. People are coming to find some new blood. They're trying to find some energy because they're tired of their damn life. And they try to find some life and somebody else who's gonna help them change their life. Mm hmm. So you can be boring, but going to the boring people. Let's see how far you get.

Hey, accountants need love to.

We need accountants.

Amen. I know some dynamic accounts as well as I'm just playing. Ernie, I appreciate the work that you are that you were do I appreciate your perspective. I really just I'd love this conversation because believe it or not, you and I grew up different. And so and the way that you grew up, the trauma that you experienced, and the work that you put in to be to solidify the badass woman that you are today is it's beautiful to hear how it is how it shapes your perspective and the conversations that you have with others and so I appreciate you bring it all to you to this moment. Yes. It's been so special getting to spend time with you. I know you're doing a lot of great work, helping people with their public speaking skills, presentation skills and showing up this book. Mrs. Peppers playbook is out right now. And I appreciate it. Ernie, can you just let people know where where's the best place for people to catch up with you on the internet?

Okay, first, they need to catch up in my book. Grab the damn book. Okay. Okay, I speak to you. Just as I'm speaking to you right now in the book

metonymy. bornus.

Know Me, you're gonna know me in that book. Okay. You can catch the book at WWE dot Mrs. Peppers. playbook.com. That simple. WW dot Mrs. preppers playbook calm. You can also follow me on Facebook, the Ernie pepper show because I have a show that I do. It's on hold right now. But you can see all the shows that I've done, where I speak to entrepreneurs, and artists who've decided to do it their way. Okay, the fabulous way to get their nine to five. I do that. And you can also find me on Instagram. Pepper speaks. Alright, so it's pepper speaks in the Ernie pepper show. You can find me there. And hey, hi, let me say Hey, girl, I can't see a bear.

Huh? I love it. I love it. And I'm gonna use this formal platform since it's recorded. To let you know that when the Ernie pepper show comes back rolling again. If I'm not one of your guests, I'm coming over there.

And where are you? What town are

you in? I'm in Minneapolis. But don't worry. I travel I let my family still back.

Home baby. Let me know.

I'm a Bernie peppers is calling I'm picking up. Right here. That's all I'm saying. Thank you so much for hanging out with me in the diner today. Ernie. It's been it's been a blast. Yes,

I've had I've had a blast. Okay, cuz I get a chance to be interview instead of me interviewing.