What does it take to survive an abusive childhood—and what does it really take to heal?

In this deeply moving episode of Adult Child of Dysfunction, Tammy Vincent sits down with bestselling memoirist Janice Erlbaum, author of Girlbomb: A Halfway Homeless Memoir, to explore the lasting impact of childhood trauma, domestic violence, homelessness, and the remarkable resilience of the human spirit.

At just fifteen years old, Janice made the heartbreaking decision to leave home to escape an abusive environment. What followed were years spent moving between shelters, group homes, addiction, unhealthy relationships, and the constant struggle to survive. Yet through therapy, writing, and an unwavering commitment to healing, she transformed her life and eventually returned to the very shelter where she'd once sought refuge—this time as a volunteer helping other young people.

Together, Tammy and Janice explore what healing really looks like after growing up in dysfunction and why telling your story can become one of the most powerful steps toward reclaiming your life.

In this episode you'll discover:

• Why Janice chose to leave home at just fifteen years old
• What "halfway homeless" really means
• The long-term effects of childhood trauma and domestic violence
• How therapy, EMDR, hypnotherapy, and other healing modalities supported her recovery
• Why writing your story can be both painful and profoundly healing
• What happened when she returned to volunteer at the shelter where she once lived
• How her parents responded after reading Girlbomb
• Advice for adult children of dysfunctional families who want to tell their own stories

If you've ever questioned your past, wondered whether healing is possible, or dreamed of sharing your own story, this conversation offers hope, honesty, and practical encouragement.

Healing doesn't erase your story.

It helps you reclaim it.

RESOURCES MENTIONED

Learn more about Janice Erlbaum

Website

www.girlbomb.com

(New official website)

https://janiceerlbaum.com

Instagram

https://instagram.com/janice.erlbaum

Grab Here Book Here:

https://www.amazon.com/Girlbomb-Halfway-Homeless-Janice-Erlbaum-ebook/dp/B000FCKPI0/ref

ABOUT JANICE

Janice Erlbaum is the bestselling author of Girlbomb: A Halfway Homeless Memoir, Have You Found Her, and several other books. Her memoir Girlbomb chronicles her teenage years surviving homelessness after leaving an abusive home and has remained in print for nearly twenty years, continuing to inspire readers around the world.

If today's conversation resonated with you and you're beginning to recognize how your childhood experiences may still be affecting your life today, I'd love to help.

As a trauma-informed coach, I help adult children of dysfunctional families understand their nervous system, rebuild self-trust, and move from survival mode into healing.

Schedule your complimentary Clarity & Calm Call today:

https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/clarity-and-calm-call

I'd love to connect with you.

Hey there, I’m so glad you’re here and tuning in! If this episode spoke to your heart, just know there’s even more support waiting for you.

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As an international inspirational speaker, NLP Practitioner, Trauma-Informed Coach, Neurofit Trainer, and Best-Selling Author, I bring both deep personal experience and professional training to the work I do. I believe in prevention, not just intervention — and use a body, mind, and spirit approach to guide others toward becoming the happiest, healthiest versions of themselves.

My holistic toolbox includes nervous system regulation, trauma-informed coaching, nutritional support, and natural healing strategies,

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Okay Hello everybody, and

welcome back to another episode

2

of Adult Child of Dysfunction.

3

Today we have with us Janice Erlbaum.

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She's the author of Girlbomb:

A Halfway Homeless Memoir, and

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several other books she's written.

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So welcome, Janice.

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How are you today?

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I'm great.

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Thank you.

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Thank you for having me.

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Oh, yeah.

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Absolutely my pre- pleasure.

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I read a little bit about you, and

what struck me right away was you

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said, "I was homeless as a teenager."

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And I was like, cha-ching, that's my girl.

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\ So we're just gonna jump right in, have

a conversation, kinda talk about all

17

of your stuff, and then your books,

and all the good things in between.

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Sounds good.

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So talk about…

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Because I left my house at 16,

ended, or 17, about 16 and a

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half or so, ended up going back.

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But what led you to leaving

your house at 15 years old?

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, I was living with my mom at the time,

and, she was on her fourth husband.

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and this one was no good.

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I did not like this particular husband.

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I, had favorites and least favorites.

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but, he was unwell.

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he-- even as a 13-year-old when I

met him, 14-year-old, I could really

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tell this was somebody who, had a

deep streak of anger and, he was

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a real mystery to himself, Yeah.

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So he was very erratic, and sometimes

this would be expressed violently.

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There was a lot of yelling.

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There was a lot of, throwing objects.,

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so I refer to it as domestic violence.

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Yeah.

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though-- I personally wasn't hit.

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I decided to leave before that happened.

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I decided, I think I'm gonna

get out now, because I don't

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like the way this is going.

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And she had actually

separated from him briefly.

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and I told her, "Look, if you take

him back this time, I'm gonna leave."

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And she said, "No," I'm

not taking him back.

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I totally understand."

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we had gone through the thing

with the cops, and changing the

45

locks, and the order of protection,

and then she took him back.

46

So I left, that very night.

47

As soon as she said he's coming

back, I picked up my book bag and,

48

got on the subway and went to a

shelter in Times Square, New York.

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Oh, so you, you didn't

have anywhere to go.

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You were like, "I'm leaving regardless."

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yeah.

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I made one stop on the way to

the subway, which was to call my,

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at the time, best friend Karina,

and say, "Hey, I left home."

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And, she was like, "Wow,

that really sucks for you."

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So I was like, okay, not

going to Karina's house.

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… but yeah, no I didn't.

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my father, who was my mother's husband

number two- was also a guy who yelled a

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lot, who threw things, who, terrorized.

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But then when I got to the shelter, I felt

very much like I had no right to be there

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because I was slapped, but I was never

hit with a fist, other girls that I met

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living at Covenant House had experienced

so much more abuse than I had, and, I

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wondered sometimes, was I just weak?

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Should I have put up with it?

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But, it- I do feel like it

was the right decision for me.

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Even though it was a snap decision

I must have known that something was

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gonna happen soon, because I did have

this place, Covenant House, in mind

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that I had heard of, and I, I knew

there was a hotline that I could call.

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So yeah, it really was,

from one hour to the next.

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and I can say kudos to you, because I

talk about all the time how we just stop

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listening to our intuition, and if your

intuition told you as a 15-year-old, "I

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gotta get out," then you gotta get out.

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yeah.

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how many of those people in that home

that it got too escalated to the point

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where they were being beaten and- yeah

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and abused in every way, shape, or form.

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yeah.

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I'm sure they probably had some inklings

and some you gotta get out before

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that, but- yeah … sometimes we wait

until it's too late, .. oh, that's

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a tough one, though, because I can

understand the kind of that comparison

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trap of- yeah I didn't have it so bad.

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What am I doing?

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But I tell people, and I tell

them with everything, trauma

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does not have to be a big T.

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just it doesn't have to be that

physically being beaten down.

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I remember somebody asked me

one time, as a child, would I

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have rather been hit or ignored?

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And I said, "I'd rather

have been hit any time."

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Yeah.

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Because at least I knew I existed.

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yeah.

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So- That's a big one … yeah,

there's all kinds of levels.

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So how did you survive that?

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Like, how did you, how

long did you stay there?

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What- so I stayed at Covenant House,

which is, the largest provider of beds

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for homeless youth, in the world, I think.

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as one organization, they…

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I, s- state level government, federal

government does not really have,

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an allocation for homeless youth.

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Covenant House started as one guy letting

street kids sleep on his floor-… and is

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now in most countries around the world.

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And anyway, they, at the time, they were

allowing kids younger than 18 to stay.

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These days, if you're under

18, w- you're in foster care

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or you're home within 72 hours.

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But I was at Covenant

House for two months.

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then I was, in a group

home for about a year.

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and that was, a more stable

environment, but only by this much.

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yeah, I think, first of all, I survived

because I didn't spend a single night

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on the street, and what I've learned

is that spending even one night on the

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street vastly increases your chances

of ending up in systemic homelessness.

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especially for kids.

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even one night on the street tends to

lead to another night on the street.

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Yeah.

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And that's the way it goes.

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I feel extremely fortunate

that I went right to a shelter.

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And be- because I was the only

white girl there at the time,

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I got preferential treatment.

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this was the 1980s, and, there

w- there, there was more racism

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baked in to everyday life.

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I definitely received, special treatment.

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and I don't think I was fully aware

of it at the time, but I'll tell you,

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my roommates were fully aware of it.

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so that meant that I was, a

little bit protected, that, I got

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sent to a very nice group home.

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That I was able to stay in the public

high school where I was already enrolled.

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and even though it was an overcrowded

New York City public high school, there

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were some teachers there who cared.

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Yeah.

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They cared.

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And that makes all the difference.

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It made a huge difference, yeah.

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Yeah.

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just in terms of like I, I was in

the, theater program, because the

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teacher really worked to keep me in it.

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And, just in terms of keeping,

literally keeping me off the streets

135

for a couple of hours after school.

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Yeah.

137

that's the difference.

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The difference was that particular day I

spent three extra hours in the auditorium

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that I wasn't getting into trouble.

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Yep.

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So I think that, that really, the

special treatment that I got and,

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some really wonderful teachers

helped me get through that.

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when I look back about it now and

people always say to me, "What

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would you have done differently?"

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And I'm like, the only thing I

would have known to do differently

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is I would have told somebody

what was going on in my world.

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Right.

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Because I…

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That, that's really the only thing.

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So you going to a shelter,

it's okay, that, you are now…

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it's known what's going on in the world.

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you, there's no secrets.

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Yes.

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So you do have that opportunity

for someone to reach out and to

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support you, where I went and rented

a room from the dad of one of the

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boys I went to high school with.

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So I lived on the, his third

story and paid $80 a week while

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I was in high school for rent.

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Wow.

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That's so resourceful.

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But nobody ever questioned it.

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Nobody really ever even knew.

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So Different times, right?

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I mean- Different, totally.

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Yeah, totally different times.

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And I remember them calling my dad and

saying, "Tammy hasn't been in school

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for five days," and he's, and he had

two questions: what are her grades,

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which were great, and then sh- you

know, "I don't know where she lives.

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If you find out, let me know."

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Those were literally my

father's two questions.

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And it was…

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But because my grades were good,

he's "Just leave her alone.

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Let her graduate.

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She's been through a lot."

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he knew, He was, my dad was actually,

both of my parents were drinkers.

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Both of them were alcoholics.

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I always say my mom was like your more

volatile, abusive, neglectful, vicious,

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all kinds of mental health issues.

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my dad was just the one that wasn't

emotionally available to help me.

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Sounds Yeah.

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Yeah.

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he, and he told me when I was 13, he said,

"Tammy, we are doing irreparable damage

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to you, and I don't know how to help you."

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Oh, wow.

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And he sent me to one Alateen meeting.

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He did, and he was the alcoholic,

but it was never discussed

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that he was an alcoholic.

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It was all about my mom, But it,

it was just a crazy situation.

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But for the people out there listening,

if you know somebody, if you know a

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child that is going through that, try

to get them to just, to reach out,

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to speak up, because I wish I had.

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people ask me now, I was

the bad kid at school.

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I was the lazy one.

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I was the one that didn't wanna learn.

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And I think about it now, and

I'm like, I had 51 different

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teachers throughout my grades.

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Wow.

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No one ever asked me

why I slept on the desk.

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Because at that point in my life, at some

point in those s- 13 years or 12 years,

200

I might have said because it's the only

place I sleep with both eyes closed.

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Right.

202

And that might have been

like, ooh, red flag, but-

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Yeah … I don't even know then.

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They, like I said, it's different times.

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Yeah.

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And, my mom was a child psychiatrist.

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Yeah.

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So nobody would have ever questioned that.

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So I say, I was literally

manipulated by the absolute best.

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Yes.

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Yes.

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It's, boy, do we have a lot in common.

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I too was the bad girl at school, and

yet, like you, my grades were very good.

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'cause you had to be.

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Yeah.

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Probably 'cause you, I was afraid to

bring home grades that weren't good.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

219

And I was going to, again, an

underfunded New York City public

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school, it was easy to coast.

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It was- Yeah It, I liked to

read books, so that made high

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school somewhat easier for me.

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But,… yeah, I admired, I admi- I admire

what you did, and that was really what I

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had hoped for, was that I would, at 16 or

17, be able to have my own place, even if

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it was a room in somebody else's house.

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That's really what I wanted to do.

227

but then, I was in the system.

228

By going to Covenant House, I was, I

had become a ward of the state- briefly.

229

And then the, group home was in

loco parentis, as they say, which

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is a phrase that I really like.

231

Loco parentis, meaning in

place of the parents, but, also

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meaning your parents are loco.

233

I love that.

234

But, yeah, I know.

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it's, it's just perfect.

236

so I really did want to become much more

independent, but I had sort of signed

237

myself up now n- not to be that way.

238

At the same time, I'm sure that

being independent at 16 was not easy.

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I mean, at least I ha- I, I fought against

the counselors and everybody at the group

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home, and I tried to break every rule and

manipulate everybody, but you know what?

241

They were there to do things like tell me

to go to the frigging doctor, you know?

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Right.

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Go to the doctor.

244

Right.

245

That was…

246

At least I had that, and, uh,

whereas you, you were really

247

navigating all on your own.

248

Yeah, and I feel like, , like you

said, one night on the streets

249

homeless leads a teenager to so many

different things, being trafficked,

250

having babies, getting into drugs.

251

Like, there's all those other things.

252

So I, I mean, I just kudos to you.

253

I could just, I'll say it a

million times, kudos to you.

254

Yeah.

255

It does.

256

Okay.

257

Um, but talk about, you still,

you still had your run-in

258

with all those other things.

259

Yes.

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Oh, yeah, yeah, and I kept running

into them even after I was able

261

to, uh, reconcile with my mom.

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She finally got rid of

husband number four.

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Uh, she was on psych

meds for a little while.

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She had sort of calmed down, and

as soon as I thought, "Okay, I

265

can trust this," I went home.

266

Um, but she was kind of out of it,

and I was suddenly had more freedom.

267

So as soon as I was logistically

out of trouble, I put myself

268

immediately in harm's way.

269

Right.

270

Just immediately like, "Let's

go to the hard drugs now."

271

Right.

272

"Let's, let's get serious

about self-destruction now."

273

Um, and- That lasted

until I was about 24, 25.

274

Um- So about seven or eight years?

275

Yeah, yeah.

276

Yeah.

277

Like, real constant chaos, you

know, suicidal ideation, self-harm,

278

addiction, like, co-dependence,

all the things, all the things.

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Um, and it re- it really was, uh, um…

280

A- again, I was, I was home now.

281

I had my own apartment by this point.

282

I had a, a lock on my

door that was mine, right?

283

Right.

284

You know, every, every…

285

Like, at the end of the book, it

ends with me moving into my own

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apartment and everything is great.

287

Um, no.

288

I, I, I had a home, but I had no center.

289

Yeah.

290

I had no sense of home.

291

So the- I was gonna say, so no

sense of self, no sense of…

292

I mean, you weren't, you never were a

kid, first of all, so you had to start-

293

Right … like, you wish you probably

could have gone back and started that.

294

Like, "Okay, let me

start over when I'm nine.

295

Let me see if I can do this right."

296

Uh-huh.

297

Yeah.

298

But it makes…

299

I mean, a- and it's…

300

Hopefully by now I, I, you s- I see

that you did all kinds of therapies.

301

You did EMDR.

302

Yes.

303

You did- Yep … talk therapy.

304

Yep, yep.

305

Hypnotism.

306

You know.

307

Acupuncture, hypnotherapy,

which was life-changing for me.

308

I mean, of course long-term talk therapy

was really the thing that did it.

309

Like I said, I don't…

310

Now that you've done all these

modalities and all these therapies- Yeah

311

… obviously you understand why you did what

you did, and you turned to the drugs.

312

And, and it's…

313

I tell people it's not to be judged.

314

It's not.

315

It's what you can expect.

316

I gave myself a word one

day, and it was so funny.

317

I was on a podcast.

318

You know how everything has an acronym?

319

Like, there's EMDR- Yes, yes, yes

… and there's ACOD- Yep, yep … and

320

there's all this stuff, right?

321

So I was like, "I'm a POACDO."

322

And someone's like- … "What

the hell is a POACDO?"

323

I'm like, "I'm a product of a

completely dysfunctional upbringing.

324

So I'm exactly…

325

What you are looking at is exactly what

could be expected given my circumstances.

326

Now, what I do with that

makes the difference."

327

Yeah.

328

And I, I tell people, and I try to…

329

This is my big message, is it

might have designed me, like it

330

might have made me how I'm look-

appearing, but it didn't define me.

331

And only you can define.

332

Like, only I can do that.

333

Mm-hmm.

334

Yeah.

335

So yeah, it's gonna change the way

you show up in the world- Absolutely

336

… until you become aware of every

single change that it made, and then

337

you deal with them one at a time.

338

But so talk about- Yeah,

I was like a chaos agent.

339

I was just I was a- What?

340

I was, I was just a chaos agent, you know?

341

Mm-hmm.

342

And I look back, and I, I see

not only the self-harm but

343

the harm that I did to others.

344

And, you know, when I go speak at

high schools or whatever, um, I'm

345

asked, "Do you have any regrets?"

346

And the kids want me to say,

"No, I have no regrets," because

347

it made me who I am today.

348

And it's like, yeah, I completely

regret all of the damage that I

349

did to myself and to other people.

350

If I had another chance, I wouldn't do it.

351

Right.

352

But at the same time, do I spend

my life beating myself up about it?

353

Right.

354

No, because then you haven't healed.

355

Right.

356

Right.

357

You- Yeah … there's forgiveness

for the people that got you to the

358

situation, and there's forgiveness

for yourself in how you reacted to the

359

situation, even though you didn't…

360

To me, like, I look at it, like,

people say to me, "Well," when I went

361

through AA, let's say, and I went

through the 12 steps, and you get to

362

that forgiveness and making amends.

363

Yeah.

364

And people were like, "Or, well,

who are you gonna make amends to?"

365

And I was like, "Well, first of all,

I'm not making amends to the grocery

366

store that I stole all the food out

of when I couldn't feed myself."

367

Like, no, I'm not calling them

up and being like, "Okay, I stole

368

food for five months because

my mother wasn't feeding me."

369

Yeah.

370

Like, th- there's certain things, but

yeah, that forgiveness for yourself

371

has got to come at some point.

372

Yeah, yeah.

373

And you know, mid-50s,

I'm still working on it.

374

Mm-hmm.

375

I'm still really, really working on it.

376

I'm still in, still in talk therapy.

377

I mean, uh, and, and there's a lot

of privilege that comes with that.

378

I mean, if I sat down and calculated

over the years how much money I have

379

spent on talk therapy, um, I, I, there's

a reason why I haven't done that.

380

It, there's a reason why

I haven't added it all up.

381

Um, but boy, oh boy, is

life beautiful these days.

382

I mean- Right … the epilogue of

the book just could not be happier.

383

Um, from entering real therapy at 25,

meeting my now husband at 32, writing my

384

first book at 34, you know, these things,

um, each of them was a new achievement,

385

a new step in self-forgiveness.

386

I mean, writing the book was very helpful

because there was a lot of stuff that

387

I wanted to acknowledge that- Right

388

I wanted to say, "I did

this, and I'm not bragging."

389

I'm not bragging.

390

No, but at the same time- But I, you

know … your story is helping other

391

people because your story is showing

that you can do things, and then you can

392

still move on and have a better life.

393

I don't know how many people

I've interviewed for my podcast

394

that spent years in prison for

just making bad mistakes from a,

395

from reacting to a circumstance

that they had no control over.

396

Right.

397

So that's like, yeah, they m- you make

mistakes, but you can still continue

398

to have a good life after that.

399

Yes.

400

And that's…

401

And I love that you did it with writing,

because I think that is one of the most…

402

Writing, podcasting, speaking- Yes

… first of all, it's a physical release.

403

Yes.

404

It's- Yes, it is … it's getting it out

of your body, and- Out of your body, yes.

405

Exactly … out of your body.

406

And I know, like, the EMDR and,

and all the hypnotherapy and all

407

this stuff, it- it's all amazing.

408

I know my big transformation started

coming when I started doing somatic

409

exercises and became- Mm … a neuro fit

trainer to work with the nervous system.

410

Mm-hmm.

411

That was really when my big…

412

'Cause I d- I, I still go to a talk

therapist, but it wasn't quite, like, I

413

was like, "There's something missing."

414

Yes, yes.

415

And it wasn't until someone

told me one day, like, "Tammy,

416

if you're mad, freaking shake.

417

Just shake your body.

418

Animals do it."

419

And that was, like, the first introduction

I got to somatics and movement.

420

Yeah.

421

That, to, to this day, you know,

when, when all my clients, when they

422

say, "Tammy, I woke up at 2:00 in

the morning," and I'm like, "And

423

what did you start thinking about?"

424

And they're, they would start telling

me, and I would listen to the spiral

425

of- Yeah … how- Yeah … and

then I'm like, "Well, then…"

426

G- And my comment is always, "Get

out of your mind and into your body."

427

Yeah, yeah.

428

And as soon as you start doing

that, like, that was m- made

429

the biggest change for me.

430

What would you say was the biggest, um…

431

I know you said tran- the talk therapy

was really s- Yeah, yeah … incredible.

432

Um, you know, I…

433

It, it's interesting.

434

I, I was not, um, connected

to myself somatically.

435

It was all intellectual and

emotional, and I carried a lot

436

of emotion here, um, trauma here.

437

Uh, but, um, yeah, it was

all very, very intellectual.

438

Uh, physically, one of the

things that really helped, both

439

acupuncture and Rolfing, I had very

transformative experiences in an hour.

440

In each case, um, uh, while

receiving the treatment, I had

441

intense vasovagal reactions.

442

Talk about shaking.

443

Yeah.

444

So much came out And it was…

445

I had no idea that it was in there.

446

So both of those were incredibly powerful.

447

I mean, with acupuncture, I, uh,

experienced an intense sense of grief

448

for all of the physical suffering

I had put my- put myself through.

449

Right.

450

You know, with drugs, with sex, in

all kinds of intimate scenarios,

451

that I had let myself down, that I

had not protected myself, and I…

452

This tremendous amount of grief

came up And was dispelled.

453

Like, I had no idea.

454

I, I had headaches.

455

I thought I was gonna go in, maybe it

would help, maybe it wouldn't help.

456

I had no idea that I was- Mm … gonna

walk out of there with a much better

457

understanding of what I'd been carrying.

458

I mean, so Rolfing almost,

almost the same thing.

459

Yeah.

460

You know?

461

It was intense, intense- Explain

Rolfing to the audience if

462

they've never heard of it.

463

Um, Rolfing is, is a form of massage.

464

It's a very intense massage.

465

Rather than treating the muscles,

it treats the fascia, which

466

attach the muscle to the bone.

467

So, um, it can feel very painful, and

yet what it's doing is releasing all

468

of this very, very, very tight, uh,

parts of your body, and what comes out

469

is, is, is lifted, is out, is gone.

470

Um, so it's not, it's not fun.

471

It's not a massage.

472

Right.

473

But boy, oh, boy, just incredible.

474

And, and EMDR too.

475

Yeah.

476

Uh, I had four sessions, and I

477

felt better every time I left.

478

I felt better.

479

So I'm just so grateful

that these things exist.

480

I'm, uh, and there's- You know- Yeah.

481

Ugh.

482

Yeah, there's so many modalities now.

483

For those of you listening that have

never heard of EMDR, it's very, it

484

seems like a very simple process, but

obviously there's trained practitioners

485

that t- h- show you through the

process, but it's literally r- rapid

486

eye movement desat- desensitiz- z- blah.

487

Yeah.

488

I can never say that.

489

Me neither.

490

Desensitization.

491

But anyway, you're literally

looking back and forth.

492

I've seen it done with

light, and I've seen…

493

And, and it's just, it's

switching up your brain.

494

It's moving, you know,

moving things through.

495

But that was, uh, it, it was incredible.

496

It definitely was an

incredible experience.

497

And so f- the people out there listening,

you've now heard the Rolfing, you've heard

498

the EMDR, you've heard the talk therapy,

you've heard the hypno- hypnotism.

499

Yeah.

500

There is so many different

modalities that explore.

501

Yeah.

502

I, I used to say I was, I was like a

crazy woman throwing shit at the wall,

503

like spaghetti at the wall, and waiting-

Yeah … for something to stick, and

504

it would fall off the wall, and I'd

go, "Oop, I don't like that one."

505

Right.

506

Right.

507

Um, but you have to.

508

Yeah.

509

You have to.

510

Yeah.

511

Because- What, I, I mean, Janice and

I could get on this podcast right here

512

and tell you, "Oh, this is gonna work."

513

We don't know what's gonna work for you.

514

Right.

515

Everybody's different.

516

Right, right.

517

Yeah, yeah.

518

I know.

519

I wish, I honestly, I do, I

wish that I could guarantee some

520

of the results that I've had.

521

Um, but, uh, things that have worked

for other people didn't work for me.

522

Cognitive behavioral

therapy didn't work for me.

523

Um, you know, I was, uh, I, I fulfilled

all of the diagnostic criteria for

524

borderline personality disorder,

which I didn't know at the time.

525

I didn't know that there were

other people suffering the same

526

self-loathing and self-sabotaging

syndrome that I was caught in.

527

Um, and you know, I, I never heard

of the dialectical behavioral

528

therapy that s- treats, that's

be- being used to treat BPD.

529

So, um, yeah, modalities have been

invented Mm-hmm … s- in the, in the

530

past 30, 40 years that- Yeah … uh,

could've been helpful at the time.

531

Um, but, but- It's amazing.

532

I should let you do…

533

I have actually a, a, one of the newest,

well, not newest ones, newest to me,

534

is a, an AO BioFrequency Voice Scan

that analyzes, like, 171,000 different

535

frequency imbalances in your body,

and then sends you, like, balancing

536

harmonics to kind of rebalance them.

537

Wow.

538

So it's very fun.

539

It's, it's the entranceway into my

coaching because it's, I can ask

540

you 40 questions and know exactly

what's going on in your body.

541

Mm-hmm.

542

But this is kind of like a tangible,

when you put it in and it runs a

543

summary, it'll say like, "Oh, you're

holding onto this, and your adrenals

544

are fatigued because of this."

545

And it's not diagnostic, but

it's, it's an amazing tool.

546

So it's kind of something I've

added on that people are like,

547

"Well, how does it know?"

548

And then they'll take lab work and

put it right up against this thing,

549

and they're like- Yeah … "How?

550

How?"

551

Like, it matches my Quest Diagnostics

lab work to the T, but it's not- Yeah

552

diagnostic.

553

It's energetic.

554

Yeah, yeah.

555

And at the end of the day,

we're all energy, right?

556

That's- Yeah … when you think of the,

the acupuncture and the, I love- Yeah

557

… when people, you know, when you look at

the map of the body with all of- Yeah

558

… the Chinese medicine, it's all connected,

and it's, it's all blocks and flows,

559

and it's just opening that stuff up.

560

So- Yeah … it's really interesting.

561

Yeah.

562

There are so many different, there

are so many different things to try.

563

Um- Yeah … and, and look, sometimes

I've, I've had relief for a little while,

564

and then that relief has gone away.

565

Okay, I had some relief

for a little while.

566

Right.

567

How wonderful is that?

568

Um, yeah.

569

Yep.

570

And then you can build on that.

571

Um- Right.

572

So tell me, I know you asked a question

bef- when, in the little intake thing

573

that we did- Mm … for the podcast.

574

What happened when you

went back to that shelter?

575

'Cause I'm curious about this now.

576

Yeah.

577

As a volunteer going back as

someone not in the shelter, what-

578

Mm … experience did you have?

579

Well, um, I, as I was writing the book,

uh, I really wanted to get it right.

580

And, um, Covenant H- I was

still living in New York.

581

I was two subway stops away from

this place that had changed my life.

582

And, um, so I decided to go back to

volunteer, and what I found was that,

583

um, these were the daughters of the

girls that I lived with essentially.

584

Mm.

585

That absolutely nothing had changed.

586

Same, same girls, same situations.

587

Um, and the organization had gotten

somewhat better about serving their

588

needs, but, um, yeah, I did not

find that much had changed at all.

589

Um, the other thing that I found was that

I had gone back not so that I could be

590

of use to others, but I had gone back to

heal myself, and I did so unconsciously.

591

Mm-hmm.

592

So, you know, I thought I was there

doing a lot of good, and what I didn't

593

understand was how caught up I was in

my- My, my own past, my own present,

594

my own nonsense, and, um, I wound

up getting very, very over-involved

595

with one of the residents, uh,

because she reminded me of young me.

596

Mm-hmm.

597

And it's like, Janice, that's

not what you were there to do.

598

You were there to do some

occupational artwork, you know?

599

You're not there to look for

younger you and try to become

600

a parental figure in her life.

601

And as she's going from rehab to,

you know, hospital for various

602

health issues and, uh, and then I'm

trying to become, uh, some kind of…

603

I, I was asking, "Please

let me be your medical rep."

604

Like, w- "Let me, let me help.

605

You're constantly going

through these health things.

606

Let me be the one who

helps you through this.

607

Let me be the adult."

608

Um, and through that process, I learned

that she had, um, Munchausen syndrome,

609

and she had been faking all of the

illnesses and all the circumstances, uh,

610

that she had supposedly been through.

611

So that was a really, really great

lesson in knowing when you are doing

612

something self-serving Volunteering

was meant to make me feel better, and

613

so I was an irresponsible volunteer.

614

Um, I mean, look, I did occupational art

therapy, uh, for many, many, many, many…

615

I- for a year and a half every week.

616

Um, that part was good.

617

I'm glad I didn't do more

damage before learning I wasn't

618

there for the right reasons.

619

I wasn't fully healed.

620

I was still writing the book.

621

And that…

622

Yes, and that is a very good point to

make because a lot of people, I tell

623

people, you know, when they go to a

coach or they go to a therapist, and

624

I've had people say, "I just, I got

the feeling that the therapist was

625

getting more therapy by talking to me."

626

I'm like, "Then find another

therapist," because many,

627

many, many people get into…

628

I mean, that's what I did.

629

I got into coaching because I

wanted to help people not have to

630

go through what I went through.

631

Yes.

632

Yeah.

633

Yeah.

634

But if you can't tell

your story without…

635

I mean, there's a whole lot of, when

you're coaching or with a therapist,

636

there's a lot of co-regulation going on.

637

Yes.

638

Yes.

639

And if you can't co-regulate with

the person you're talking to and

640

you're leaving them feeling more

anxious and distraught than before

641

they came, you're not ready.

642

Yeah.

643

And there's nothing, there's

nothing wrong with that.

644

I mean, I'm 57, and I'm just now

starting to coach, where I started

645

my healing journey 30 years ago.

646

But 15 years ago- Yeah … there was

so much electrical charge behind the

647

stories I was telling, which means that

there would've been electrical charge

648

bes- behind the stories I was hearing.

649

Yes.

650

Yeah.

651

And that will affect the person

that you are trying to help.

652

Totally.

653

Totally.

654

Yeah.

655

So again, kudos to you- Thanks

656

because some people don't see that.

657

Like, I will liter- you know, and, uh,

that's why it's so important, I just

658

mentioned this on the last podcast.

659

Go…

660

If you have to go to, you know, if

whether it's a coach, a therapist,

661

whatever it is- It is your right.

662

If it, you don't get that, you know,

you have to trust your instinct, and if

663

you don't get that good, warm, lovable

feeling that you're safe, that your body

664

is safe, and your mind is safe- Yeah

665

get out and get another one.

666

There's a million of us.

667

Yes.

668

Yeah.

669

Right.

670

There really is.

671

Yeah.

672

There's a lo- there's enough that you

can say, "I'm sorry, this isn't…

673

Thank you for your time."

674

Right.

675

"This is not gonna work for me."

676

Totally.

677

And there's no shame in that.

678

Yeah.

679

You know, again, we're, when we grow

up in that kind of environment where

680

these chronic people-pleasers give

everybody what they want, and I don't

681

know how many people I hear say to me,

"Oh, I was with this therapist for a

682

year, and I just felt bad leaving."

683

Right.

684

Right.

685

The hell?

686

You're there to heal you, not her.

687

Right.

688

Or him.

689

Also, these are, these are professionals.

690

Um, they are, they're, they're

not going to be personally

691

hurt the way a friend would.

692

No.

693

They're not your parent.

694

They're not gonna be angry at

you for doing something that

695

they're very used to happening.

696

They- Right … they, so-

And not only that, but not

697

your circus, not your monkey.

698

It's not your problem

what they're thinking.

699

That goes back to why we're

in therapy to begin with.

700

Right.

701

But it's, it, you know, it's funny.

702

I'm, I'm, I'm turning 57 next month,

and, um, you know, I look at you and

703

I see a happy, healthy person, and I

try to present to the world as, you

704

know, the best version of, of myself.

705

And I look at some of the women

that I was in the group home with.

706

You could not tell what

we've been through.

707

I look at you and I say, "Well, you know,

there's a, there's a successful citizen

708

of the world who's, you know, functional,

and, uh, and is doing good for others.

709

Like, obviously she must have come

from a background that supported that."

710

And I, I see my, my old cohort, and

they're, we're middle-aged ladies now.

711

You can't tell.

712

Right.

713

You wouldn't know what we were up to.

714

Yep.

715

You can't see the suffering

because we were healed.

716

'Cause yep, you did the work.

717

Yeah.

718

Did the work.

719

Yes.

720

So talk a little bit more about your book,

and then we're gonna, I want you to tell

721

people where they can find it, where they

can work with you, if they wanna reach out

722

to you directly, and all that good stuff.

723

Great.

724

Great.

725

Um, so Girl Bomb now is 20 years old.

726

Um, and, uh, I'm sort of- Talking

about it again because it never really

727

went away, that I, I, over 20 years

I was still hearing from people who

728

were discovering the book and finding

that it had meaning for them, and

729

I'm so, uh, so happy about that.

730

I'm just so happy that

731

On, on one hand, I'm not happy

that it continues to be as relevant

732

as it does, that again, a lot of

the problems, um, that were there

733

in the 1980s are still baked in.

734

I mean, gay kids and trans kids always

made up at least a third, if not

735

40%, of the kids who were homeless.

736

Same.

737

It's the same.

738

These kids get thrown

out by their families.

739

Nothing … The only thing that's changed

is now there are a few other shelters, um,

740

uh, like the Ali Forney Center, um, that

specifically serve these youth, whereas

741

Covenant House, a faith-based organization

wasn't the best at understanding what

742

gay kids needed, what trans kids needed.

743

So that has changed, but, you

know, not enough has changed.

744

Um, the book continues to be relevant.

745

So in some ways I'm glad about

that, and in other ways, um, I

746

wish it were like, "Wow, I can't

believe that used to happen."

747

Yeah.

748

It, but it just goes to show, and I

say it all the time, like people are

749

like, "Well, what do you wanna do?"

750

And I'm like, "I wanna get up on the

biggest mountain and just feed love and

751

light into these people, and let them…"

752

Like, doesn't…

753

Your past is your past.

754

Yep.

755

So let's just embrace what happened,

find what we can learn from it, and

756

let's find a way, find the tools, find

something to get, to move forward-

757

Yeah … and to understand that like at

the end of the day we were all born these

758

beautiful, divine, joyous creatures- Yes

759

and then life lifed on us.

760

Yeah.

761

That's the best way to put it, right?

762

Yep.

763

Yeah.

764

And, and it changed the way we look

at the world, but the world i- the,

765

the, the good, the joy, the happy

is still out there for the taking.

766

You just have to be

able to find the tools.

767

Yes.

768

But yeah, you're right.

769

It's, suffering is not the '80s, the

'90s, the '70s- Right, right, right

770

the '60s.

771

Like it n- it's, it's universal.

772

It's everywhere, and we just need

more tools, and we need more people

773

like you out there writing books.

774

I appreciate that.

775

And, and, and, um, you were, you were

saying, uh, where people can find me.

776

If, if you are interested in writing

your own memoir, whether it's book

777

length or whether you wanna write three

pages, um, I am specifically always very

778

supportive of people who want to write.

779

Um, and I do do coaching, and

I do have a sliding scale.

780

Um, so, uh, I can be

found at girlbomb.com,

781

G-I-R-L-B-O-M-B.com.

782

Um, and I'm on Instagram, sort of.

783

Uh, so you can find me at

Instagram, at janice.earlbaum.

784

And I will put all of those links in

the show notes so people, if you're

785

driving or you're not being able to

pay attention to exactly the spelling

786

and stuff, don't worry about that.

787

Just go to the show notes.

788

We'll have a little bit more about

Janice in there, and how to reach

789

out to her and everything else.

790

So, it, I mean, so many people

are listening to you, and

791

they're like, "Wow, that's me.

792

I've been there."

793

Oh, if so, I, I'm, I'm

holding you in my heart.

794

I love you.

795

Aw.

796

Nice.

797

So if you had to leave the listeners

with one last piece of advice or words of

798

wisdom or something tangible they can take

with them today, what would it be, Janice?

799

It would be keep trying.

800

Keep trying.

801

Because- Without w- if you're, if

you're not going to change anything,

802

then nothing is going to change.

803

And you can start small.

804

You can do one of these one-time things

like hypnotherapy or acupuncture or

805

EMDR or Rolfing, and if you don't

find results from one, try another.

806

That sometimes people look at healing

as like this giant Mount Everest that

807

they're gonna have to get up, and it makes

it very, very hard to start climbing.

808

But there are simple steps that you can

take, and one of them might work for you.

809

Amen.

810

Thank you so much.

811

Thank you, Tammy.

812

Yeah, no, it was super fun.

813

It's really, really lovely.

814

Thank you.

815

And it, yeah, it's super fun.

816

And I tell people it's the same thing.

817

Like wake up in the morning and

just, "What do I need right now?

818

What do I feel that I need right now?"

819

Ask yourself that every morning.

820

And then, what's one thing I can do

to make myself feel just 1% better?

821

And sometimes if you ask yourself that,

you don't have to climb Mount Everest.

822

Yeah.

823

If you could feel 1% better, imagine that.

824

You would change the world.

825

Yes.

826

If everybody f- woke up in the morning

and was like, "Okay, what do I need?

827

What does Janice need?

828

What does Tammy need?"

829

Right.

830

Like, what do we need?

831

Yeah.

832

And what can we do?

833

Because I'm sure we can think

of something, but we don't.

834

We wake up, we scroll on our phone,

we open up, start doom scrolling.

835

Yeah.

836

We immediately fill our minds

with negativity, the first

837

thing we do in the morning.

838

Yeah, yeah.

839

And if I could give, like, a tip,

like, today, like, that would

840

be it for me, is wake up- Yes

841

and every…

842

Start the day positive.

843

Yes, yes, absolutely.

844

Start it positive.

845

That's a radical change, too.

846

Yeah.

847

Yeah.

848

And guys, go get her, go get her book.

849

I wanna read…

850

I think I down- Is it…

851

It's on Audible too, isn't it?

852

Uh, no, there is no audiobook- No?

853

… I'm sad to say, but, um, I

may be addressing that soon.

854

Oh, you're gonna address that,

because that's what you're gonna do.

855

Like, yes.

856

Because I listen to everything on Audibo-

Audible, but maybe I d- I think I might…

857

I don't know.

858

That Girlbomb, it's so familiar, but I'm

gonna get it and put it to my list of

859

700 books I gotta read, I promise you.

860

Awesome.

861

Thank you so much, Tammy.

862

I will do the same.

863

I'm very, very interested

in, uh, your books.

864

Thank- Yeah, mine, I got banned

on Amazon, so mine's a dumb story.

865

But, um, yeah.

866

Yeah.

867

My book is called Surviving

Alcoholic Parents, and it's

868

mostly meant for teenagers.

869

It's a guide, but we can

talk about that one later.

870

Okay, great.

871

But anyway, so yeah, so the name

of the book is Girlbomb: A Halfway

872

Homeless Memoir, and sever- And like

I said, she's got several other books.

873

Janice Erlbaum.

874

Check her out.

875

Go visit her.

876

Go reach out to her.

877

A wealth of knowledge and so much wisdom.

878

And thank you so much.

879

Thank you, Tammy.

880

Love to you.

881

Thanks.

882

You're welcome.

883

Great.

884

And for everybody else out there

listening, you heard it again.

885

Here's another story of hope and healing,

and just know that your past does not

886

define you, and it doesn't matter how bad

things got, they can always get better.

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They can always get better, and with

a little self-compassion, a little

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self-love, and a little bit of work,

you can get there too, my friends.

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So you all have a blessed

week, and we will see you back