So, is it embarrassing to have a boyfriend now? That’s the burning question we’re diving into today, and spoiler alert: it’s more about the social media game than actual feelings. We’re chatting about how relationships are perceived online, especially when it comes to the ever-awkward boyfriend reveal. I mean, let’s be real—why plaster your “just a boyfriend” all over social media when he’s not your fiancé or husband? It’s like showing off a snack instead of a full meal; it just doesn’t have the same vibe! We’ll unpack why many people, especially women, are hesitating to showcase their partners and explore the idea that maybe, just maybe, it’s not about embarrassment—it’s about commitment (or the lack of). So grab your favorite drink, settle in, and let’s get into the nitty-gritty of dating in the digital age!

Takeaways:

• I firmly believe that if you're feeling embarrassed about your partner, it might be time to reconsider that relationship altogether.
• There's a significant difference between having a boyfriend and being in a committed relationship, like engagement or marriage, so think twice before posting!
• Not posting your partner online doesn't mean you're embarrassed; it might just mean you're respecting their boundaries or navigating a situationship.
• Women often attempt to define their worth through relationships, but it's crucial to maintain individuality and personal interests.
• Ultimately, being with someone who doesn't treat you right is far more sad than it is embarrassing and it is worse than simply being single.

Have you read the is it embarrassing to have a boyfriend now? Article yet? Hi, everyone. Welcome back to All About Being Single. I'm your host, Wioleta. Let's dive into today's topic.

All the singles at this point have probably heard about the is it embarrassing to have a boyfriend now? It went viral. And if you're single, man or woman, I'm assuming you probably have heard about it by now. So do I have thoughts?

Obviously, I have plenty of thoughts. I love the way my brain works. And so let's dive in.

To me, this was more about how having a boyfriend is seen online, not necessarily like in the everyday physical world. So it seemed more of like, is putting a boyfriend on your social media embarrassing now?

And I wouldn't say it's embarrassing, but it isn't a good decision because to me, there's really just no real commitment with just a boyfriend. I would always put all of my ex boyfriends up on social media. And with my very last one, let's call him Frederick. I'm gonna call him Frederick.

So I didn't put Frederick on there just because I realized that, hey, for all of my ex boyfriends, like, I thought every single one of them was the one and none of them were the one. And I was like, what's the point of putting him on there if I might have to take him down again?

He's not a fiance, he's not a husband, he's just a boyfriend. So since none of those men were actually committed to me, I was like, what's the point of putting them on there?

Well, him starting with him again, I didn't learn that lesson Till I was 35, but, yeah. So to me, it's basically just unwise to put anybody that's not actually truly committed to you.

Because again, having just a boyfriend or just a girlfriend is an actual commitment. It's an engagement. It's not marriage. It's kind of more of like, let's see where this goes. And usually it goes nowhere for a very long time. It's.

If we let it.

As far as what the actual title of the article reads, I would say if you're embarrassed to be with somebody or if you think that they're embarrassed to be with you for whatever reason, your best bet would just to be not with that person, not worry about posting or not posting them. That's kind of the least of your issues at that point.

I do agree with the author when she mentions that, and I quote, a world where women's online identities are centered around the lives of their partners, a situation rarely seen reversed, which again, very true. Usually men do not post their women up on social media like the women do. Basically, men don't center their women online. And also why would they?

I agree with the men now, they have yet to commit. Many men know their relationships are just temporary, which is why they haven't committed, they haven't put a ring on it.

And this is also why I think a lot of men don't center their women, their partners online is because they, they're not even sure about their partner and if they want to be with them forever. And again, like I said, now I definitely agree with that mentality. I think I learned that at about the age of 35. So we can tell.

I learned things very early on in life. But so that actually brings me to my never again. I will never again post just a boyfriend online. A fiance, sure.

Her husband obviously, definitely, probably not that much, but definitely not just a boyfriend. It's just a boyfriend that's not actual commitment. It's just a phase of dating, essentially. Like it's just a long phase of dating.

And again, unless you're engaged or married, there's just no need to be posting somebody you're just dating or somebody you're just unsure of because again, you're only dating when you're in a relationship. What's the point of putting them online?

And it's shown by the lack of a ring on your finger slash, the lack of commitment or their own issues with commitment, which also means they're actually not going to be a good partner in life because they have clearly some unprocessed issues surrounding commitment, hence the fear of commitment to begin with. And it is a loop. And the sooner you get out of that loop the better. And so if women are finally doing that as well, great for us, but.

And it's a huge but, I think some of these women aren't posting the men for maybe other reasons too. Sometimes the men tell them not to pose them because they're just really in situationships and they don't want other women knowing that.

Some of them, some of the women aren't posting because they're just going off of the boundaries that their partners have put up around being posted online. So they're just honoring those boundaries.

Some of these women or even men online have a brand built, which is also why they're not posting their boyfriends girlfriends. Because really that account isn't a personal account, it's a business account, essentially.

Some of these women aren't posting their men online because since men are the gatekeepers to commitment, if they're not fully committed yet, the women don't want to post them because what's the point? Hey, this guy's not fully committed to me yet. I'm not going to show him off. What's the point?

He hasn't even like put in the work that he needs to do to really have me. Some of the women aren't embarrassed about having that boyfriend or a boyfriend.

They're embarrassed that their boyfriends aren't actually committed to them. Or they can maybe sense that the boyfriends aren't fully in so they're not posting them as well.

One of the women at some point in the article mentioned that, and I quote, men will embarrass you even 12 years in. So claiming them feels so lame. I mean anyone, friend, frenemy, foe, bestie, boyfriend, husband, anybody can embarrass themselves 12 years in.

People change and they can make decisions that don't align with who you thought they were or who you hoped them to be. And you know, that's just the reality of it. And this is a hill I will die on usually as women.

And I'm sure this applies to some men, but I just know I'm a woman and I can, I have more women friends. We tend to think that somebody doing us dirty is embarrassing to us when in reality that embarrassment for what they do at any time is with them.

The person who you over, that's who should be embarrassed about their behavior. So it's like, sure, sometimes we can get secondhand embarrassment.

I just think a lot of women tend to like hold onto that embarrassment far longer and, or even have that embarrassment to begin with when really it's that person who up, that person who broke your trust, that person who had some shitty ass behavior, the fault is with them. But anyhow, the thing is we all get to do what is best for us.

So if you do post anybody, if you're posting from who you think they are today when you post them, there's nothing embarrassing if you choose to post a boyfriend or a girlfriend or an ex person, even for yourself, you know, not for other people's validation. It's, we all decide to do what we want to do, what we think is best. And sometimes what we don't know, we just don't know.

And it's, you know, we're all, we're all human, we're all flawed, we all make mistakes.

And also people do change, you know, just because you posted them at some point in your life, when you loved them and you thought they were this the best thing on earth, you know, when you perceive them to be a good person because they were showing you they were trying to be a good person and hopefully they were a good person. It's not embarrassing to have that digital proof, you know. And we are allowed to change and some people can disappoint us, we disappoint people.

But anyhow, if someone, no matter how many years in, starts hurting us and isn't good for us for and for our mental health, we can do something about it and either break up with them, take those pictures off, leave them. If we feel that it's better for us to leave them, we can voluntarily choose to forgive them or not. I mean, again, we're all different.

Whatever works for us. My no like to stand down is a little bit different this time because it is about the article.

One of the parts of the article talked about how even partnered women will, you know, complain about men and heterosexuality and their they'll vent about it and how it's because basically now it's fundamentally uncool to be a boyfriend girl. And to me, that's a statement that doesn't have a lot to stand on.

Or maybe not the statement itself, but the people who are doing it really, it's like to me, it's like, nah, they're just with the wrong person for them. If I'm doing more complaining than complimenting my person or my whoever I'm with, I should say not my person.

Because usually if I'm doing more complaining than complimenting, not quote, unquote, my person, but he's just not a good person. He's not a good man. He's not good for me at that point.

So the issue isn't with it being considered embarrassing to have a boyfriend, the issues with people, both men and women.

So this could apply to having a boyfriend or having girlfriend, not leaving the wrong relationships for them and just complaining about them constantly. And I see this all the time and it's sad.

And I do think more people would benefit from leaving bad, toxic relationships and being single than in staying in those relationships. Another part of the article mentions how there's something cringy and embarrassing about constantly posting your partner these days.

And I definitely agree with that completely.

Centering a relationship at any point and not having your own hobbies, not doing stuff outside of that relationship, not having friends outside of that relationship is weird. Is unhealthy. Honestly, I shouldn't say weird. It's unhealthy life gets better.

The sooner we realize that the sooner we have our own hobbies, the sooner we make sure that we have all kinds of relationships in our corner. The author does mention that being partner doesn't affirm our womanhood anymore and how it's no longer considered an achievement.

And I really wish that was true, but in reality it just really isn't. Many women still fall victim to this weird mentality. I still see it in everyday offline life.

At least most women are still centering their lives around their men. They still cancel their plans with their friends for their men.

Often they still mainly talk to their girlfriends about their men when they're out with their girlfriends instead of just enjoying the time. And even online you're still seeing a lot of women, for example, post pictures of the men.

So that is still a common thing in like the regular people circles. Plus a lot of women will have like a profile picture of them and their guy one while the men usually just have a picture of themselves.

Okay, so our note to self is just a quick little task almost. If you haven't read the article, go read it.

I do think it's starting up a conversation that's important in today's world and especially in today's dating world. And so the note to self really is. What do you think? Do you think it's embarrassing to have a boyfriend? I believe in dancing every day.

So we're going to do a little dance break and once we come back we'll talk about that a little bit more. Okay? So clearly, as you can tell, I believe it's not embarrassing to have a boyfriend. I don't think it's embarrassing to have a girlfriend.

I don't think any of those things apply. I think it's sad to be with a man or a woman who doesn't treat you well. So I think there's nothing embarrassing about it. I think it's just sad.

And I wish more people understood that it's so much better to be single and sad. Honestly, even. Even the bad parts of being single are much better than being with somebody who engages or who does embarrassing things to us.

It's not embarrassing to have a boyfriend when he's a good man. Having a boyfriend is like to me, a neutral experience. It's neither here nor there. It's not that important. Again, they're not a fiance.

It's not a full blown commitment. It's just the time that you're spending with one person to try to get to know them better, to figure out if they're the right person for you.

It's just a phase of a relationship, essentially. At least that's the way I see it. Also, I do think that putting all men into the same category, and I used to be very.

I used to do a lot of this as well, when I would just be like all men this, all men that. And it's just not a healthy mentality. And I think we're gonna talk ourselves into extinction at some point with this.

I just really dislike the rhetoric of all men are bad. You know, sometimes the life that we live is a mirror. Well, all of the time the life that we live is a mirror of ourselves.

And I used to choose those men. I wasn't looking at my own behavior and how my behavior is problematic.

I kept not realizing that I hung around in circles I shouldn't have been in and to begin with because I was better than those dynamics.

But anyhow, there are good men out there and I hope for all of us heterosexual women that we can find one of those good men and date one of those good men and then be engaged to one of them and get married for as long as that marriage works and then maybe even for some of us get divorced from that good man if it no longer aligns with who we are. At the end of the day, we can all make choices that are best aligned with us. And for the lack of a better word, we should.

One of the other good parts about the article that I did like is she mentioned how there's no she or he. I believe it might be a she, but I actually don't know.

So basically the article mentioned there's no shame in falling in love, even in trying and failing to find it all or not trying at all. I do agree with the article. There's no shame in falling in love, even trying and failing to find it or not trying at all. Honestly.

I mean, life is long and you're going to have various eras of your life, some single, some not, hopefully, as long as you're willing to leave bad relationships behind. But yeah, some with various people, various friends, various boyfriends, girlfriends. You know, some of us might have a few marriages, you never know.

But having a variety of those experiences, life really do makes you a more well rounded individual. And it's just such a good thing about life. Life is about the experiences and the more of experiences, the better. At least I think.

And you can take whatever resonates with you, leave whatever doesn't, as always. But let's get to the weekly glow up and you know I glow up every time I say it, but I will say this so and this goes still along the article.

We are finally in an era where so many of us perpetually single women, or even men, where we're finally creating a time in society where being single is starting to be more socially acceptable, especially for women. I'm happy we're finally headed in that direction.

And for just all of that work that we single people have done collectively to get us here, collectively like us singles, especially those of us perpetually, perpetually single, not afraid to leave relationships, not afraid to get broken up with.

Well, we might be afraid of it, but you know, once it happens, realizing that that quote unquote, maybe abandonment that we feel can turn into something cathartic and something amazing and a better life that's waiting for us. So us as singles, all of us singles, are finally doing our, you know, are finally.

The fact that we've been single and the fact that more people are single, the fact that more people aren't afraid to be single, it's.

It's doing something for a society and I think for our society, and I think it's healing society in a way, because I think the biggest flex is dating people who are actually good for us and for our nervous system.

So anyhow, all that to say this week's glow up is if you're dating, pay attention to how your body feels around the people that you talk to, that you date, that you text, or even that you scroll past, you know, even on social media.

And if you're not dating right now, you can do the same thing to, towards your friends or maybe potential friends, or just maybe your acquaintances or your co workers. And you could also obviously be doing that when you are dating as well. That also works for either one.

But anyhow, if someone makes your nervous system feel like it's in survival mode, that's your sign. That's not your person, whether it be a friend or a potential partner. Basically, this week, notice how your body feels around people.

If you could take a moment to share this episode with anybody that you think might also benefit from it, I would appreciate that. Thanks for listening to this episode. I'll be back next week and I hope you will be as well.

Have a good rest of your week and I'll talk to you Tuesday. And just remember, even if we're late, we're right on time. Sam.