What if consistency isn’t about discipline, but about designing habits for your real life? In this episode, Joanna speaks with habit specialist Rebecca Liljendahl about why we struggle to do the things we know would help us, and how to build habits that last even on our worst days.

This episode is valuable for coaches who know what they need to do to grow their business, but struggle to stay consistent with visibility, marketing, self-care or follow-through.

By the end of this conversation, you’ll understand why motivation alone isn’t enough, and how to create simple, realistic habits that support your business and your life.

Timestamps

00:00 - Why consistency feels hard

02:30 - Rebecca’s habit story

07:00 - The Habits Compass

08:30 - Motivation, ability and prompts

14:30 - Designing tiny habits

16:00 - Unblocking resistance

22:00 - Dopamine and distraction

31:00 - Energy habits

Check out Rebecca's website

Connect with Rebecca on LinkedIn

Useful Links

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Learn about The Business of Coaching programme

Signature Solution Course

Download the Free Digital version of Coaches' Planner (NEW edition 2026)

Free Essential AI Toolkit – 2 Must-Have Prompts for Coaches

How to secure more coaching clients' free training

Download the 12 ways to get clients now

Connect with Jo on LinkedIn

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If you’re kind enough to leave a review, please do let Jo know so she can say thank you. You can always reach her at: [email protected]

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If you know exactly what you should be doing to get coaching clients, yet

2

you are not consistently doing it.

3

Why is that that we can have

that clear plan, but it can be

4

so hard to implement in practice.

5

That's why today I'm excited to

be joined by Rebecca Liljendahl,

6

who is a habit specialist.

7

So excited you are here, Rebecca.

8

Cannot wait for this conversation

personally as well as I'm sure the

9

listeners too, because our habits

really do transform our lives and.

10

I know that from my daily yoga.

11

I started it by signing a contract.

12

Wasn't really contract.

13

That sounds a bit official.

14

Signing a 365 day commitment

to practice yoga each day.

15

And I drew out this really lovely

picture with the word yoga and 365

16

little colored squares to color in.

17

And once I'd started, I wanted to

color in a square every single day.

18

And even if I just did it for

two minutes, I could color it in.

19

I just want to have a tiny practice

and it's the one habit, but I feel

20

like I've absolutely mastered due

to that process, and I dunno if

21

I've been successful with much else.

22

No, actually, sorry.

23

One more habit that I really did well

back in the day was joining this group,

24

which was you either post on social

media five days a week and share your

25

link in this WhatsApp group essentially.

26

And if you don't share your

link, you get kicked out of this

27

group for an entire month and you

get zero support for the month.

28

So I had just started my business and

obviously hated posting online as most of

29

us do when we start our business, but I

knew that I would get no other support for

30

the month if I didn't do that commitment.

31

So again, I think I must be one of

these ones that when I set a commitment.

32

And if there's a consequence, in other

words, my picture's gonna be messed up

33

for my yoga, or I'm gonna get kicked out

of this group if I don't post on social.

34

It really works for me, but there's

so many other habits I can't

35

seem to master so cannot wait

for this conversation rebecca.

36

Do share a bit about you

and how you got into habits.

37

Rebecca: Love that Jo.

38

Let's pick some of those habits and

we'll work on them live in this session.

39

I think that would be a fun thing to do.

40

First of all, I would challenge

you on that 'cause you've already

41

built a fantastic business.

42

So there must be a lot of habits

going on under the surface that

43

you don't recognize as habits.

44

And I think that's the main thing.

45

We have this broad word habits, don't we?

46

But we use it for so many things that

aren't actually habitual and those things

47

that just disappear that we just do.

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We don't see those things as

habits, but they actually are.

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So how did I get into this?

50

Well, my background is corporate hr.

51

I started in wellbeing pre

pandemic, so that was early on.

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And I noticed working with the most

amazing people and hearing brilliant

53

talks on nutrition, on sleep, on

movement, and then I would watch

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people and including myself, we would

go away, hyped up, ready to do the

55

thing that was gonna change our lives.

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And it just didn't happen.

57

It felt like, what is going on here?

58

This is so frustrating.

59

So I'd already gone back to my roots

in psychology and started investigating

60

habits and that process had already

started and then boom, side punch

61

knocked us all off us, didn't it?

62

Because the pandemic landed and

suddenly we were all at home without

63

a single pre-programed habit.

64

So I designed a one hour workshop

for the NHS and they took it up.

65

We were all at home in Zoom and that

was the first time we'd ever done it.

66

And then that went very well and I

designed it into an eight week program.

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So the pandemic was really my

springboard to really understand

68

habits and understand how we form them.

69

'cause we have this amazing

blank sheet of paper.

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Jo: Yeah.

71

Love it.

72

And so I guess what I often find if I read

a book on habits or something is that I

73

think, oh, well, it's all right for you.

74

You are not the same as me

with these terrible habits.

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You've got this amazing way of

sticking to everything you commit to.

76

So is that the case or have you

struggled with this as well?

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Rebecca: Yeah, a great question.

78

So let's take you back

a little bit further.

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My first real experience was habits.

80

Was being, I was diagnosed with

polycystic ovarian syndrome

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and I wanted to have a baby.

82

Desperate to have a baby

at that stage of life.

83

And it wasn't happening.

84

And I realized that I'd done my

research and I wanted to give up

85

sugar as to help for the process.

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So I went about giving up,

trying to give up sugar.

87

And this, this huge motivation of I

want to have a baby, which is very

88

clear, that's a very big motivator.

89

I still really struggled to give up sugar.

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And if I'd have had me that I

am now, then oh my God, I could

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have done it so much quicker.

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What I found is this cycle of.

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I'm useless.

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I can't do this, and now I

need to self-soothe myself.

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I can't do this.

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And so I'm going back to the sugar,

which is my crutch for self-soothing,

97

and this cycle would continue.

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So I would've made a load of

changes to how I went about that.

99

I got there in the end, but it took me

a very long time, and I think that's

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what I was really searching for in this.

101

How can we make it quicker and easier

for people to build great habit?

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Because it really starts damaging your

self-worth and your confidence when you

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are like, I can't control something.

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I'm really motivated to control.

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Jo: Yeah, totally.

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And the identity that goes with that.

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Like you mentioned at the

beginning, it's interesting.

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Luckily I have the identity of, I'm a

really consistent person and I know lots

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of clients and other people I work with.

110

I just go, I keep trying and I just fall

off the wagon and then I can't do it.

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And I'm like, just start again.

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It's fine.

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But I suppose you get that identity

then when you fail in your habits

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that then you get more depressed

and then you think, oh, forget it.

115

I'm never gonna be able to make this work.

116

So how did you manage to.

117

That work in the end.

118

Did you, was it the sugar that helped

or what was it that helped you?

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Rebecca: Oh yeah, I did manage to give

up the sugar and I did manage to have

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two babies, which takes me to, to today.

121

And that was very successful.

122

But it took me a really long time

and I think that's the thing we

123

can really like press accelerate

on this once we know the process.

124

Yeah, I'd love to take down the

process, but give me a problem, first

125

of all, Jo, of something we wanna

solve because, uh, the sugar thing

126

we can certainly keep dipping into.

127

I'd love to solve something for your

listeners or for you that feels real, and

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I'll give you the examples of the process.

129

Jo: Yeah.

130

Exciting.

131

Well, I'm gonna be really selfish here

and start the wanting to exercise one,

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which hopefully we can all relate to,

and I know it's not business wise,

133

but that's what's on my mind right

now, that I am of a certain age where

134

I should be doing weights, et cetera,

and I just cannot seem to make myself

135

do this despite my just need to do

this 10 minute kettlebell thing.

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I found a great YouTube when I do it.

137

I feel amazing.

138

I've tried to set the bar

low in this 10 minutes.

139

But because I like doing my daily yoga

in the morning, that them little 10

140

minutes is already gone, and therefore I

just can't seem to do this consistently.

141

Rebecca: Okay.

142

So first of all, let's

start at the very beginning.

143

So I've developed something called

the Habits Compass, and the reason

144

for that is because I found all

other tools are linear in process.

145

And this is not a linear process.

146

It's something we're gonna have

to go round in a circle to and

147

come back to time and time again.

148

And I train with a guy called BJ Fog,

who most people haven't heard of.

149

Most people call head of James

Clear, who wrote Atomic Habits.

150

But BJ Fog is kind of

the godfather of habits.

151

So he developed a process where you

need three things always present

152

when you make a habit happen.

153

And that is we need it stands for bmap.

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So to make a behavior happen, we need

motivation, ability, and a prompt.

155

So when you describe your yoga habit,

you've got all those three things going.

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Jo: Let me check that one again.

157

Just to make sure I heard it right.

158

So motivation, ability, and a prompt.

159

Rebecca: Yeah.

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Jo: If you're like me writing this down.

161

Rebecca: When we start

with that, what I want.

162

So you want to do weights,

that's motivation.

163

So that's our first thing.

164

And I found that there's a beginning

trip wire that we always begin with here.

165

So we need to get really clear on our why.

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Like all good coaches, we know

about getting clear on the why.

167

So I would firstly ask you to be,

why do you want to do, and you said,

168

because I'm a woman of a certain age.

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Why?

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'cause you're like, I if

it's like I know I should.

171

That's not personal enough.

172

So we need to get really, really clear.

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Like I want to be able to lift my

future grandchildren, for example.

174

Something like really tangible and

we know how to do that as coaches.

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So then we make this error like I

did with the PCOS, that why, and that

176

motivation is gonna carry us through.

177

So if you think about it, we start with

this huge amount of motivation, if you

178

think of it like a basketball, but then

most days we've got the motivation of

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a ping pong ball of kids that nothing.

180

So we think, I don't need to design

any other process around this because

181

I'm really clear on what I want to do.

182

So I call it the Motivation Mirage, and it

like preps us up on that very first step.

183

So then what we need to do is we

come back to that center of the why,

184

but it doesn't carry us through.

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So we've clear on it.

186

Now we need to, and we all know this,

we need to make the step smaller.

187

So the next point on the compass

I say is we need to shrink it.

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So we need to shrink the kettle,

the kettlebell exercise, and

189

you've already shrunk it.

190

You've said you've already got it

really small, but most of us have

191

a problem shrinking the next stage.

192

So P-C-O-S-I wanted to give up sugar.

193

What I should have done was started

with breakfast and just started

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with breakfast Monday to Friday.

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If I want to post on LinkedIn.

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I think that there's a whole big process.

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I think I just need to post

on LinkedIn, but actually

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there's loads of steps to that.

199

So the first thing I might do is

start dictating my ideas to my AI bot.

200

That's maybe the first habit

that I need to start with.

201

So most of us find it really difficult

with that huge level of motivation to

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then break it down into a small step.

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And it doesn't feel very

motivating, does it?

204

When you're like, oh, I really want this.

205

I really want this goal.

206

So next we have to shrink it.

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And I find most people

are really bad at that.

208

And to give you an analogy of that,

if I was to ask you to carry a bag of

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sugar across the kitchen, you just pick

up the bag of sugar, carry it across.

210

If I was to say.

211

Carry the bag of sugar across

the kitchen, but you've got to do

212

it, one grain of sugar at a time.

213

You're like, oh my God.

214

It was exhausting.

215

And that's essentially what

we're asking you to do.

216

Next we need to design for our

worst days, not our best days.

217

So when you think about the day

when your schedule's ridiculous.

218

Your hormones are off.

219

You've had a disaster client meeting.

220

Something's gone terribly wrong,

then where is your motivation at?

221

So that is the point that

we start our design from.

222

Okay, so then, and I think I

know where this is going wrong.

223

We need to attach it to our day.

224

So we've got this intention, it's a

floating intention, and until we attach it

225

to something, then it's not gonna happen.

226

And if we think about like our

mobile phone going off saying,

227

oh, it's time to do the kettlebell

now we'll just swipe it away.

228

We just won't action it, I dunno

if you've ever experienced that.

229

Have you ever used a timer?

230

Jo: Oh yeah.

231

I mean, not for my gym actually,

but for lots of other things.

232

Like you might have write my

social posts in my calendar,

233

which I've never done at the time.

234

I've put in my calendar.

235

Rebecca: Yeah, exactly.

236

So the best thing we can do now

is we need a really clear prompt.

237

Like as soon as I have my morning

coffee and I close the dishwasher,

238

then I'm gonna pick up my

kettlebell and swing it three times.

239

But that's a really clear prompt.

240

So you see we've got the

motivation, we've got the ability.

241

'cause maybe you know how to.

242

Swing the kettlebell.

243

'cause you said you downloaded the

video and then we've got the prompt

244

and we've made it really, really clear.

245

So this is the next error that people

make and I call it attach it to your

246

day, is we normally pick something which

is really busy, like the morning, which

247

is as busy as the M 25 in my house.

248

It's just not gonna happen.

249

And as you said, you were like doing my

yoga at that time, so that doesn't work.

250

How do you think of a time of day which

would consistently work Monday to Friday?

251

Or that prompt that you

could use either side of it?

252

Can you think of that?

253

Jo: Yeah, I keep trying to think

about lunchtime because when I was

254

employed, I used to go to the gym

every single lunchtime without fail

255

because I suppose you had nothing else

to do at lunchtime other than work

256

through your lunch, which I didn't

want to do, so that worked so well.

257

So I keep thinking, gosh, why

can't I just do it at lunchtime?

258

But I've had that thought for ages and

I have never done it at lunchtime, so

259

clearly that one is not working for me.

260

Like there's never a good time.

261

I don't wanna do it.

262

Rebecca: Yeah.

263

Okay, and do you have the clear why

or do you have, I'm writing personal

264

now, but do you have a clear why?

265

For why you want to do it rather

than just because I should.

266

Jo: No, I need to really think

about the fact it is summer now and

267

I will be going on holiday soon.

268

I do want to look decent on holiday.

269

Rebecca: Absolutely.

270

So I see this a lot.

271

So people often pick holidays, and I help

a lot of people with emotional eating and

272

they've often got a motivator of holiday.

273

And now the only problem with

that is it's great for starting,

274

but it's bad for continuing.

275

Because then it doesn't become

something that I'm gonna carry on.

276

'cause we get back from holiday or

we've already stopped the habit.

277

So the habit is generally very fragile

at the beginning and something like

278

going on holiday can disrupt it.

279

So you need to go back to

that stronger, deeper why.

280

And at the moment I'm struggling

for why do you wanna do it?

281

And at the moment that's lacking.

282

It won't carry us through.

283

I would suggest picking something

that you already always do.

284

So it might be like I always

brush my teeth, right?

285

So you have a bedtime routine,

so it could be something you

286

do just before you go to bed.

287

Often works and the middle of the day

is often really busy, but it could be

288

something that you leave by the kettle,

the kettlebell by the kettle, and

289

that you will do it three times every

time you are waiting for the kettle to

290

boil, because presumably you go make

a coffee or whatever through the day.

291

Jo: I love that idea of leaving it

somewhere handy rather than hidden in

292

the spare room somewhere that I've got

to think about trying to find the thing.

293

So that's a super cool idea.

294

Yeah, I like that.

295

I could do that.

296

Rebecca: Okay.

297

So Kettle by the Kettlebell,

that works and then it becomes

298

like, I do it three times.

299

So the next thing we

have to do is feed it.

300

We start with this very fragile

habit and people think, oh, I

301

started it, so now it's gonna last.

302

And that's what normally digs people

into what I call the habit hole.

303

'cause you think I'm gonna

do this, then I don't.

304

Then I feel shame that I didn't do it

well because we've got this cultural

305

idea, which comes from science.

306

But if I just make it small

enough and do 1% every day, I'm

307

gonna get better and better.

308

Actually that's not the reality

because small things, like I

309

said, are really hard to do.

310

So we need to be like, I can do

hard things and this is really hard.

311

Going back to that sugar analogy

of moving across the kitchen.

312

So I can run a business but

I can't do the kettlebell.

313

Well, this is hard for me, but I can

do hard things 'cause I run a business.

314

Like that's the mantra that we get to.

315

Rather than thinking, oh, it

should be easy and now I'm

316

in shame when I don't do it.

317

'cause that's what stops people

from getting started again.

318

Does that make sense?

319

Jo: Yeah, totally.

320

So does this also work for.

321

People having the fear of, say, posting

on social media, like they might want the

322

habit, but there's so much fear involved

that they don't want to start the habit.

323

How would you begin with someone

that has a fear over whatever

324

they want to create as a habit?

325

Rebecca: Yeah, absolutely.

326

And that brings us to our fourth step on

the habits compass, which is unblocking

327

it 'cause we need to unblock it.

328

So obviously we need to first of all have

the skills and abilities to do a post

329

and technology is often a real blocker.

330

So we might list out all

those practical things.

331

They're gonna block you

from doing something.

332

For example, I always ask people

to move their mobile phone so

333

it's not charging by their bed.

334

'cause otherwise it's the first

thing you look at in the morning,

335

the last thing you look at night.

336

But to do that, we're gonna need

probably an old mobile phone.

337

If you like sleep stories or meditations,

a notepad, you might even need a torch.

338

You're gonna need an alarm clock.

339

So we, first of all, we have

to unblock all those physical

340

things and one of those things.

341

Jo and why I came to you is like clarity

on what I'm trying to achieve on LinkedIn.

342

That's a big blocker because once

I'm clear on that, I've removed

343

that psychological blocker.

344

But let's get into the fear,

because the fear is a big one.

345

You are worried people are gonna judge

you what they're gonna think, and I

346

know who will be more successful on

their habits based on how they're

347

going to celebrate at the end.

348

So if we are celebrating

that, I've got four likes.

349

That's gonna be a really

difficult habit to build up.

350

If I'm celebrating, I have just

done a post, then that's going

351

to be easier to build that habit.

352

And the reason is that that sprinkles

dopamine on those neural connections.

353

That's what we're trying

to make neural connections.

354

So it becomes like habit fertilizer.

355

But probably there's still

some coaches, there's some

356

underlying beliefs under that.

357

So then I first of all, get

people trying to do the habit.

358

Break it down to something really small.

359

Like I said, just voice noting

what are your ideas, first of all?

360

Then maybe just collecting images.

361

That's another thing that you could do

to break that habit down to be smaller.

362

Then just drafting the

text, that's another one.

363

So we've broken those down into much

smaller pieces, but those underlying

364

beliefs start to unravel or we

start to get more familiar with

365

them once we try and do the habit.

366

So when we try and do the habit

and it doesn't work, we're

367

often met with that voice.

368

We all know that voice, the voice

that says, you don't wanna do that.

369

You've got something more important to

do, or You've not got time for this today.

370

So I work with people to get

really familiar with that voice.

371

So I had one client and she

was on a weight loss mission.

372

She's lost four stone.

373

Part of that, she wanted to go to

the gym just like you and her voice

374

would come in so strong every time.

375

You've not got time, you really

shouldn't be doing this right now.

376

So we named the voice Dragon Lady.

377

Dragon Lady's trying to be helpful.

378

She was trying to protect her from

something, just as that voice tries to

379

protect us from exposing ourselves online.

380

So we have to thank the voice.

381

Thank you.

382

This is what I want.

383

And that's why it's really helpful

to have that why written down.

384

Write down the points of the habits

compass so that you can get really

385

clear on what's gonna come up

and visualize the voice appearing

386

because you know it's gonna come up.

387

Jo: Yeah, totally.

388

Oh, I love that.

389

'cause I had a session with my

coaching supervisor recently

390

where we did exactly that.

391

Named this part and she got me

sitting in a different chair and

392

trying to explain what that part

is trying to protect you from.

393

So it's great you go deep enough

because I think the amount of

394

books I've read on this and.

395

Nothing changes and it

is so hard, isn't it?

396

Because I suppose we probably just don't

go deep enough on all of the fears.

397

Rebecca: Yeah, and I think we

don't go deep enough because

398

we've started with motivation.

399

That motivation mirage that

I'm talking about, and we think

400

that's gonna get us through.

401

And then we think, why can't I?

402

I'm useless.

403

This is meant to be easy and

I can't even do the easy step.

404

Hence I'm in shame.

405

Hence, I can't then do the deep

exploration to why it's not happening.

406

'cause that shame means I'm just

gonna withdraw from the whole thing.

407

Jo: Yeah, totally.

408

Rebecca: So I think the important

thing when it comes to nailing that

409

LinkedIn post, is at each stage

you have to celebrate that you've

410

written the voice note or you have to

celebrate, you found the image and.

411

It sounds so painful because you're like,

people build huge businesses and you want

412

me to celebrate just writing a voice note.

413

And so what I find is we know

the sciences celebrate because

414

that becomes the dopamine that we

sprinkling on the neural connection.

415

Again, and maybe it's a cultural

thing, we really withdraw from that.

416

You know, I'm not gonna high

five myself in the mirror

417

for just posting on LinkedIn.

418

It just feels pathetic.

419

So instead I ask people to

notice what they've gained.

420

So for example, you've recorded the voice

note of what you could post on LinkedIn.

421

Do you just feel a little bit lighter?

422

Does it just feel like, oh,

I've done a bit of action?

423

Or, oh, it's good to get those thoughts

out of my mind and into a voice note.

424

It's like when we don't eat the

chocolate biscuit, our jeans aren't

425

immediately gonna feel lighter.

426

We are not gonna reach what we are

looking for in terms of the aim, but

427

we have to acknowledge what we've done.

428

So I find that people noticing

their gains is much easier for

429

them than actual celebration.

430

And until we make a cultural

shift to that that's the way

431

I'm gonna keep going with it.

432

I think it's more helpful.

433

So if you are kettlebell three times.

434

It stop.

435

And then really notice how

does your body feel now?

436

How is my energy?

437

And what do I notice in my thoughts?

438

And that's the key.

439

And often we delay that to what

were my wins of the week, which

440

is really, really important.

441

That doesn't lay down the habit.

442

Jo: Oh, I love it.

443

Totally.

444

So you touched on something so

important there, which is the

445

dopamine, which is the thing that ruins

most of our lives, especially with

446

social media and things like that.

447

And using any other distraction

we can, because you know, you're

448

gonna get that immediate hit.

449

So I love the idea of noticing.

450

As you know, in the program, we do a lot

of share your wins and that type of thing.

451

But you are right.

452

It is so important to keep looking and

sharing them in the moment as well,

453

even seemingly small things, because

it honestly is the key to success.

454

Like I bought a gratitude journal

when I started my business, and

455

I gift one now to my clients.

456

Because noticing and being grateful

made such an impact on my life.

457

Especially in the beginning when there's

not much to be grateful for and you're

458

not really getting the clients in and

you're taking all this nightmare action

459

and you are not getting the buzz from it.

460

You touch on something super

important there, which is just keep

461

noticing the wins, what's good.

462

And I honestly think

you attract more of it.

463

On that one then.

464

Tell us more about the dopamine and

how we can then stop checking once

465

we've posted our post, then being

so obsessed by heading into LinkedIn

466

or Instagram or wherever it is we

are posting to get that little red

467

indicator that something's happened.

468

I've got some sort of reward

after what I've done there.

469

Rebecca: Yeah.

470

Well, Jo, you're speaking my language.

471

'cause I really, really struggle with

this and I think we need to first of all

472

move that narrative that there's something

wrong with me to understanding that this

473

is purely biological and we are just

tapping into it to, an ancient survival

474

system that has existed for so long.

475

Just to give you a bit of information

about how strong dopamine is there's

476

this brilliant study where they

remove dopamine receptors from rats.

477

They genetically engineered them so

they didn't have dopamine receptors.

478

And then if they placed food a

body length away from the rat, it

479

wouldn't get up to eat the food.

480

And it instead, it was so

powerful that it would die even

481

with the food in front of it.

482

And I think we often think about dopamine

as pleasure, but dopamine is actually

483

this molecule of motivation to move

towards something so the rat wouldn't

484

move towards the food without it.

485

And I think that's a really important

distinction 'cause we often think,

486

oh, I'm just chasing pleasure.

487

But actually every time you get

that little dopamine hit, you

488

are rewarding your body and the

body knows to go after that.

489

So what happens is we get that little

hit of dopamine and it's a bit, if you

490

imagine a wave pool, this is the best

thing I've ever heard it described.

491

When we get that little hit, it's

like the wave goes over the pool

492

'cause it's like a short, sharp thing.

493

But if you were to do a big weights

exercise or, or do something really hard,

494

then the dopamine rises in the pool, so

then we get a higher baseline of dopamine.

495

So that's how I like to understand it.

496

So when we're doing our quick checks,

we're actually exhausting ourselves

497

because we're throwing the water

out the pool, so we can't help it.

498

We are wired to go towards the dopamine

because it's our survival mechanism,

499

but also we are depleting ourselves.

500

So how do we not check?

501

Well, we're hardwired to check.

502

We're hardwired to go after that.

503

So the only thing I think

you have to do is you have to

504

do all those physical moves.

505

The phone has to go,

so you can't reach it.

506

The locks have to go on.

507

We've talked about the Opal app.

508

The Opal app needs to go on, and

then the timer needs to go on.

509

So you are like, I'm

gonna get this task done.

510

Now you could reward yourself by

checking the end of doing another task.

511

So I'm gonna write my

new LinkedIn profile.

512

Put 30 minutes on the clock, and

I'm playing a game with myself.

513

I'm not gonna check LinkedIn until

I get to that end of that point.

514

Rather than I'm quickly, oh, this

has got hard and now I'm gonna check.

515

'cause that's what we standardly do.

516

So I've reached a block.

517

I dunno what to do now.

518

Uh, so now I'm gonna check, which

is that self-soothing moment.

519

So it's just like having

a square of chocolate.

520

I'm self-soothing in the moment.

521

Jo: That's exactly what I do.

522

As soon as it gets hard, whatever I'm

trying to do, I will just try and switch.

523

I'll try and go on social media

to escape that hard feeling.

524

So what would be the way in that moment

when that next happens, when I'm like,

525

you're trying to write an article or

do something that I really need to

526

get done and I just, I need to escape.

527

Rebecca: Yeah.

528

Great question.

529

Well, the best thing you could do

is have your kettlebell by your

530

desk be like, I need to escape.

531

I'm gonna reach for the social

media, dock it, and then gently

532

say to yourself, and use your first

name, Jo, you're trying to escape.

533

Do something else.

534

Pick up the kettlebell, swing it three

times, and then go back to the task.

535

'cause that would be

the harder thing to do.

536

It's gonna raise your dopamine, but

it would also be that distraction,

537

so you could actually marry the two

together to help you build that.

538

But it would have to be like

right, right by your desk.

539

So labeling and noticing is the

first part of habit formation.

540

And people often ask me,

how do I break a bad habit?

541

And actually those words are, as

coaches, we know words are helpful or

542

unhelpful, and those words are really

unhelpful because the reason you form

543

that habit is because you had a need.

544

I need to self-soothe the moment

I need to distract myself.

545

And that worked.

546

And it's the quickest route and

the most easiest thing to do.

547

But if you put yourself in

other discomfort, then you're

548

probably gonna get more work done.

549

Probably gonna get that post written or

be able to, redo the LinkedIn profile.

550

Jo: Yeah.

551

Oh, I love it.

552

I need to get several

kettlebells all over the house.

553

Rebecca: That would be a good move.

554

Jo: I could be fit in no time if I

did that instead of scrolling on my

555

phone anytime I wanted to escape.

556

Rebecca: Yeah, I would say

just that noticing, just,

557

Jo, you're trying to escape.

558

What else can I do?

559

Or Jo, you are low in

energy what else can I do?

560

So I have a dip in energy,

mid-afternoon like most people.

561

And if I do a 10 minute NSDR

meditation I don't reach for the

562

sugar, but if I don't, I'll reach

for the sugar and both energize me.

563

So one is the harder thing to do

and one is the easiest thing to do.

564

So as long as I'm like.

565

Rebecca, you low in energy.

566

I'm having the sugar and I know

what I'm, exactly what I'm doing.

567

Or Rebecca, you low in energy.

568

I'm gonna do the 10 minute meditation.

569

Like just the labeling can really help.

570

Jo: Oh, I cannot wait.

571

So, so exciting to do that.

572

So is there anything

we haven't covered yet?

573

Rebecca: I would say that what's

most important to know is that

574

most things we refer to as

habits aren't actually habits.

575

So in our business, we have to do,

and what we do on your program,

576

Jo, is a lot of onetime actions.

577

And people think that they're

their habits and they're not.

578

Because unless it's got prompt

and we're doing it consistently.

579

And it's not really a habit.

580

So for example, redoing my LinkedIn

profile is a one-time action.

581

Deciding my niche client

is a one-time action.

582

Deciding my pricing.

583

One-time action.

584

And you can use motivation for

one-time actions, but you can't use

585

motivation to get you to build a habit.

586

So we need all those steps when

it comes to building a habit.

587

But we don't need all those

steps for a one-time action.

588

So for example, if you just had a client

win, you could say, right, I've got

589

my list of my hard one-time actions.

590

Client win Energy's high.

591

Motivation's high.

592

I'm gonna tackle one of those.

593

And getting really clear on your why

and then doing your one-time action does

594

work because it's a shorter thing to do.

595

Obviously we still have the same

blockers and the same fears.

596

But I think that's important

distinction to make.

597

So when you list out what habits

you need to have in your business,

598

it's actually not that many.

599

'Cause there's not many really,

really repetitive tasks.

600

One of the things I would say is we need

to have the habits that bring our energy.

601

That mean we can cut off from work?

602

Because I mean, coaching business

is like having a baby, isn't it?

603

It's like you think about it all the time.

604

So what can you do to energize

yourself and to wind down?

605

So I have eight habits.

606

I call in the habit handrails.

607

Four to do in the morning,

and four to do in the evening.

608

And I think as coaches it's

really important that we're

609

able to look after ourselves.

610

So embedding those are really important.

611

Jo: I love that idea and I wanna quickly

get into it a little bit more because I

612

do think, and I once heard, especially in

COVID, that it was really good for people

613

to take a walk, say at the end of the day,

to signal that they had finished work.

614

Because obviously we were

suddenly working at home and no

615

one had that commute anymore.

616

And the sad thing as solo business owners

is often, we are working from home, so

617

we never really get that switch off.

618

So tell us more about how

we can do that self-care.

619

What are these habit rails, I think

you call them, and how can I get them?

620

Rebecca: Yeah, it is probably

a whole nother podcast.

621

So I'll give you the top ones and we can

come back to it another day if you like.

622

Follow me on social media for, I'm

gonna keep dropping them in and get

623

that LinkedIn habit absolutely nailed.

624

But I would say my top one is not to

charge your mobile phone by your bed.

625

So your one time action after listening to

this is to go out and buy an alarm clock.

626

'cause most of us are using

our phones as our alarm clock.

627

So I would make your bedroom

phone free if at all possible.

628

And the reason for that is

because it drains your dopamine.

629

It keeps you awake that like

half an hour longer, scrolling.

630

If your phone is the first thing you touch

when you wake up in the morning, you are

631

already hardwiring yourself to be like,

I'm gonna keep checking it all day long.

632

So the longer you can delay

that, checking the phone.

633

So I heard this brilliant phrase

the other day, sky before screens.

634

So if we move our mobile phone out of

our bedroom, when we wake up in the

635

morning, one of the first things we

wanna do is drink a pint of water.

636

So most of us are really

dehydrated, especially when

637

we coach is talking all day.

638

We wanna delay that caffeine intake

just a little bit if possible,

639

because otherwise we have a dip later

on in the afternoon on caffeine.

640

So an hour, two hours after

waking would be ideal.

641

And there's all sorts

of science around that.

642

But really it's about cortisol.

643

So cortisol is often considered the

stress hormone, actually cortisol, that

644

hormone of energy, and we want it to

rise in the morning as it naturally will.

645

So if you can go outside as early

as possible, when you've woken,

646

you're gonna raise your cortisol

level, which means it'll have a nice

647

drop off curve throughout the day,

which is like your insurance policy.

648

You're gonna have all these little

blips when stressful things happen.

649

But as long as we've had that big spike

at the beginning of the day, it's not

650

gonna rise higher than that spike.

651

So we wanna get outside and

getting outside into daylight

652

raises that cortisol spike.

653

We don't need the coffee to do that.

654

And then when we're outside, we get

this blue light blue rays of light

655

hitting the back of our retina.

656

Now our retina absorbs that turns

it into serotonin, and at night

657

it turns it into melatonin, which

helps us sleep better, particularly

658

when the phone's not by the bed.

659

Yes.

660

So you can see how those habits stack

on each other to be like, I need

661

to get up, I need to go outside.

662

And then if we can have that morning

walk or move outside, we get what's

663

called forward ambulation, which

just means walking, which means you

664

calm the amygdala, that alert part

of the brain because you've got,

665

images moving past you and this is,

causes the amygdala to calm down.

666

So if we stack those things together,

we really get some traction going.

667

So that's what I get people to do to

stack the habits on top of each other.

668

And I use those science-based

habits to make sure we're

669

getting the best out of our day.

670

Jo: Oh gosh.

671

What an amazing thing to finish on.

672

I'm actually motivated to

not to have the coffee.

673

I usually go straight downstairs,

have coffee immediately.

674

I'm now wondering if I can go

downstairs, straight outside,

675

do the kettlebell in the garden.

676

Yes.

677

Rebecca: Yes, I mean,

it's a great time of year.

678

We're recording this in April, so

daylight wise, this is brilliant.

679

So if we want to start a daylight habit,

this is the time of year to do it.

680

It gets really hard obviously,

in January and February, but

681

it gets even more important.

682

Yeah.

683

All that great stuff.

684

I mean, who doesn't need the sleep,

who doesn't need, the insurance

685

policy against the stress?

686

These are the very

basics that we should do.

687

And we're so quick to lean for those, I

don't know, the gummies or the vitamins

688

that we see on Instagram that promise,

all those things, but actually these

689

basic habits get you those things.

690

Jo: Love it.

691

So, so excited to get started, Rebecca.

692

So if people want to go further

into their habits, where can they

693

find you and how can you help?

694

Rebecca: So LinkedIn is where I

hang out and I have a four session

695

habit accelerator program, which

I always welcome people to do.

696

So if they want to book a coffee to

discuss what that is and how that goes

697

about, then I help people craft habits

for their worst days, not their best days.

698

I'm ruthlessly practical in my design.

699

And I have a bank of habits

that really work, but it's about

700

designing for the individual.

701

So that's essentially what we do.

702

You know, I've got children,

I've got this, I've got that.

703

We work around all of that.

704

And then I run a program called

Rooted Tuesdays with another coach,

705

and that'll start again in September.

706

And that's a 12 week course

where we go through those

707

basic habits and we build them.

708

One habit a week.

709

And that's a very low cost offer.

710

If there's any coaches that need that

energy and that creativity to get going.

711

Jo: Oh, I love it.

712

I really do think our

habits create our life.

713

So this is such important, exciting,

interesting work because your business

714

is often built and your life happiness

is often built on these tiny habits.

715

That we end up spending hardly any time

researching and trying to figure out how

716

to make them happen more often so thank

you so much for sharing your wisdom today.

717

Any final words?

718

If someone's leaving this

episode today, what's the first

719

thing you would recommend?

720

Rebecca: First thing I would recommend

is write those habit compass points down.

721

So I'll just recap them now.

722

So get clear on your whys

the middle of the compass.

723

Then we need to shrink it.

724

So write down as many ideas as

you can to shrink that action.

725

Then we need to attach it to your day.

726

So write down all the different times

of day that you could possibly come up

727

with all the different prompts that you

could possibly engineer to attach it.

728

Then we need to unblock it.

729

So you need to picture all the things

that are gonna get it in the way.

730

Think about your worst days.

731

And then finally, we need to feed it.

732

So you need to notice your

gains when you do the action.

733

That is not a linear process.

734

You will need to keep going back to those

points, and that's why it's so important

735

to write them down, because when it goes

wrong, you might need to shrink it further

736

or you might need to go do some more

work on the unblocking it and we'll have

737

ideas of what's gonna get in the way.

738

My husband, my kids, all these

things are gonna get in the way.

739

But actually when we start doing

the habit and we hear the voice,

740

we can really get underneath it.

741

I'm speaking to coaches here so you

can do that work or you can work with

742

somebody else to accelerate that.

743

So I would say once you get stuck,

which you will expect it as part

744

of the process to go reach out to

somebody and discuss it with them.

745

Jo: Yeah, I think so.

746

Because we might be coaches, but we

just can't often coach ourselves.

747

It's the hardest thing to do.

748

So thank you so, so much, Rebecca.

749

Microphone (Samson Q2U Microphone):

Thank you so much for listening to this

750

episode of Women in the Coaching Arena.

751

I have a mess of free resources on

my website joannalottcoaching.com.

752

That's Joanna with an A

and Lott with two T's.

753

joannalottcoaching.com.

754

And I'll also put links in the show notes.

755

Let me know if you found

this episode useful.

756

Share it with a friend and

leave me a review, and I will

757

personally thank you for that.

758

Remember to trust yourself, believe

in yourself and be the wise Gardner

759

who keeps on watering the seed.

760

Get into the arena dare, greatly and try.