In this episode, Irene and Cat shed light on:

Calibrating Expectations

Family as a Value

Time Audit: The realities of our day

Your Body and its Untapped Wisdom

Becoming Your Values

About the show:

Join us, Irene Uy and Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, both certified life coaches, as we share our stories and hear from business leaders, generational pioneers and experts as we discuss the personal, relational and professional challenges we, immigrants and children of immigrants face.

Get ready to break personal, cultural or generational barriers that get in the way of being the best version of yourself and living the best version of life!

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Email: thecoachisinpodcast@gmail.com

IG: @thecoachisinpodcast

Irene Uy: I'm Irene. I moved to the U. S. on my own 10 years ago. I have a background in management engineering, earned my master's degree from Columbia, and secured my permanent residence through work. I spent my career in real estate, And I'm now a certified coach and

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: accredited with ICF

Irene Uy: Join us as we share our stories and hear from business leaders, generational pioneers, and experts as we discuss the personal, relational, and professional challenges we immigrants and children of immigrants face.

Irene Uy: Hi, welcome, everyone. We often find ourselves working towards our goals to the detriment of our well being. So in today's episode, we're going to talk about some strategies and tips on how to Prioritize our well being while still working on achieving our goals

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: Yes, Irene, you summarized it beautifully. I share some stories about times when life kind of threw us for a loop, but as Irene mentioned, like, how do we accommodate that while still making progress and showing ourselves grace, taking values based actions. And, you know, continuing to move forward while also living in alignment with, what we prioritize.

And with that said.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: Here's our conversation.

Good morning, Irene. I'm so thrilled to be sitting here with you again. Um, how are you? Tell me a little about yourself today.

Irene Uy: Good afternoon from my end, um, in the East Coast. It seems like we, uh, it was just yesterday that we spoke to each other, even though it's probably, what, been two weeks since, since our last episode? How time flies. I'm, I'm doing great. Um, we were just talking about the weather. It's excruciatingly hot outside.

Um, so I hope everyone's taking care of themselves, keeping hydrated and taking, you know, taking good care of ourselves.

Um, and I think heat is a perfect example. Like it, it was in the nineties, both where Irene lives and where I live in Chicago. And, uh, it makes it so that. Yard work,, athletic pursuits, outdoors, hosting of events at certain times of the day, like there's suddenly all of these other considerations and your ability to operate the way you expected yourself to is probably going to be really, tough , my daughter had a, uh, Speed training camp this past week, and it was late mornings, like around 11 o'clock.

So, you know, she knew logistically that there's a reason for Less than what she wanted. But it's been fun talking to her and seeing her work through, you know, the emotional aspect of that, like, it's one thing to acknowledge logistically, like this is why it didn't happen. It's another thing to not beat yourself up or keep beating yourself up, even if you know, it was out of your control.

And there's no point in beating myself up for what didn't happen. You know, like you show up the best you can, given the circumstances you've got. And once you've learned, if there are things to learn from whatever transpired, like one thing I learned is next year, when I go through this again with my younger daughter, I will be a little more, tempered in my personal goal setting.

Irene Uy: What a relevant topic, because I feel like in the conversations that I've been having in recent past that has been a recurring topic. So, you know, just listening to your stories, I'm very curious as to what catalyzed or what triggered the shift in perspective, because oftentimes, we do beat ourselves up over not reaching a goal, because that's how we've been sort of trained to do right.

When did you realize that it, you know, it's not your fault,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: right. I, I think it's been a process for sure. Um, so some of the learnings around it, I've known for a while. It just gets applied in different instances in different ways. And we touched on this in one of our earlier episodes around, knowing your values. And being like acting in alignment with those. opposed to, and seeing that as a metric of success, as opposed to an end destination or some quantifiable thing. So I've been, you and I, I know we've both evolved so much through our life coaching journeys. I think that I've known that in many ways, and it's been fascinating to see how it comes up. And it's, it's a practice.

Or I wish I was someplace different. It's more that we, uh, enable ourselves and, you know, others through our coaching to see past that and to, you know, navigate around it, not let that block us from feeling good about ourselves and getting to where we want. So I, one really big thing for me was a few years back, really getting clear on my values and accepting that, prioritizing my family.

Um, I just had to look at, am I like, what am I doing here? High level. What is my time being devoted to like a little bit of a objective audit and then saying, This is, this is not because you're lazy. This is not because you're, uh, unfocused. This is because your mom and sister are in town and you're, you're celebrating your older daughter's once in a lifetime, eighth grade graduation with them. And, and realizing, oh, that is completely in alignment with prioritizing how I show up as a mother and how I show up for others, uh, that I care about and reminding myself, yes, that is one of my core [00:10:00] true highest values. So. This isn't, this has nothing to do with like a character flaw on my part or a shortcoming on my behalf.

If anything, this is evidence that I am functioning in alignment with who I really want to be. And it's sometimes just rejiggering and accepting like there's only so many hours in the day. As long as the hours in your day are aligned with, um, your, your true values, then You can chalk it up as a win. It may not look the way you want it to, but remembering what those values are and tying back to them for me has been really powerful. Yes.

Irene Uy: about, and I love that you said, , you're basically, prioritizing your values, right? And reframing the judgment , because oftentimes we attach our self worth to whatever achievements we, have. And, um, when we don't achieve our goals, it, it sets us back.

It kind of reminds me of what one of my good mentors told me and she said, Irene, you want to finish the race. You don't want to sprint through life. You want to be a runner, right? Which means that you want to be able to finish the race sustainably. You don't want to go fast and hard because you're going to run out of gas. Right, which which only means to say that you know you might not have achieved the goal that you set for for yourself right now but there is a good time and place for it right because you have your priorities and you have your values change over time and what your priorities are. So there is, you know, trust that you have the time to do that.[00:12:00]

be able to achieve your goals. Um, you may not achieve them all at once, but there will, there will come a time for, for all of the goals that you've set for yourself, if they're important enough for you.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: And that at some point, I don't know if it's in this conversation, but I, I feel like it's a huge topic is the feeling of being behind. Or wanting to be ahead of where you are. That's real. I don't know if that's a generational or cultural, maybe a combination of all, all of various many things. But it's a real threat to one's, I think, overall sense of wellbeing and joy, you know, to your point about, you don't want to.

Like, what can we celebrate about you? Because so often, especially, I'm not a hundred percent sure of this, but anecdotally, I feel like women have a tendency to. Especially high achieving women think about the things that haven't been checked off to the to do list and not looking back at all the other check boxes, you know, that they've accomplished.

Irene Uy: Yeah, the movie Barbie really hit the nail on the head when they talked about all the expectations on women and how unrealistic it really is to expect all of these roles to be fulfilled by one person. Um, yeah, so I want to go back to The telltale signs of , how do we know that we're not being lazy?

It's just, um, the reality check, Because, um, at the beginning of the call, you were talking about like how external factors that are not our fault affect our performance. And sometimes we can beat ourselves up really hard when we don't achieve, the goals that we set for ourselves.

Because I know a lot of people who push themselves to the brink of burnout without recognizing the signs within their bodies, the, you know, the environment telling you to stop.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's a good topic for a discussion. I'd be curious to hear your thoughts as well, certainly on a personal level, um, kind of tying back to identifying what your core values are. And for me, what's really helped too is, uh, looking at the realities of your day. Wherever you are in life, there are likely demands on your time that are immutable, like you, I am a parent, and so there are windows of the day when I know my kids are home that I want to spend time with them, or I do legal work and have like a consulting gig that expects me to be available certain hours of the day.

And you know, if I, and I'm guilty of this too, like I still do this because I think it makes sense, but like I will put on a YouTube workout where there's no And then on my lap that's on my TV and then on my laptop, I will have some sort of like podcast playing or because I want to be, I figure like, why not become intellectually stimulated while I'm also working out like it.

It feels like a, a win win, if we tried it, do you do that too?

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: So I guess, um, but, but for me, something that really helped was not just looking at like, what does my ideal year look like? What am I trying to accomplish in 12 months or even in the quarter, but in a perfect day, you know, when, what time would I wake up? How much sleep would I get? How much time am I spending with my family?

There are things that are non negotiable for a lot of people. It's a nine to five, which you can't, you know, that is your brain energy is going there. So, and then commutes or whatnot, and then being really intentional and values focused when figuring out what to do with the, the squares that are left and even downtime isn't, can be intentional.

But, um, but yeah, for me, figuring out some of the, what, what, what would my ideal day look like has helped inform my ideal week, which then has hopefully going to continue to inform the like quarterly and yearly evolutions. Um, but I do think accepting. The limitations of your, the realities of your day, I should, I should even take the word limitation out and maybe replace it with realities.

That was what helped me realize, Oh, right. [00:20:00] Yes. I'm spending a lot of time doing this other stuff. But A, it's in alignment with values, B, there are small windows of time that I can still make progress towards other things. That helps me feel kind of still in balance in some ways, like, okay, maybe this, this train is slow, but it's still, you know, moving very slowly.

Um, but you know, finding those tiny windows of time, uh, and then deciding is this, is How I wanna spend it, you know, what values do I prioritize and, and what may be lacking and is this the time that I'm going to use this to, you know, fill that goal?

Um, but I have completely turned, uh, 180 from that mindset because I wasn't taking care of myself at the time. Um, my sleep and my rest and my self care would be would be the least of my priority because the, um, priority was, um, how much I will produce and I think what has changed is something that you've also mentioned and what you shared, which is.

And I've sort of reframed that into like, I'm okay right now I'm okay right now I'm and I see that example, manifest itself when, oh, I might not be doing more than What I usually can when I work out when I lift weights, um, I'm compassionate to myself, but then I know that I can push myself a little bit more because my coaches push me to do a little bit more.

It becomes energizing as opposed to something that I dread over

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: mm mm Yeah. I love that. Um, you are drawing upon like a, a physical. Um, sensation in a way like paying attention to the cues that your body is giving you because that is definitely I also think some people, myself included, I can fall into this trap of thinking I can, like, intellectualize through a situation.

And. Be more healthily productive, you know, not in a hustle way. Yeah. Um, tell me more about your fitness like routine. Cause you've alluded a couple of times prior to this call and, and during this call, like a kind of, yeah, physical activity. I'm just curious what, what you're engaged in now.

Irene Uy: Oh, I, I'm not sure if I told you, I joined CrossFit in January, supposedly in preparation for the wedding, but the wedding's come and done. And I'm still working out. So it's almost like , I have embraced, working out into my lifestyle. , and I think, there are a lot of parallels in my fitness journey with, My self development journey through life coaching also in that, I think they have the same philosophy.

Because usually, like, if you're coming from a place of, um, I'm not enough that you want to be able to get to those results right away, because you want to show people that I can. And in such a short amount of time, effortless, that's not, that's not what growth looks like. I believe in. Incremental growth as opposed to radical growth because incremental growth is sustainable.

You have a foundation. So, you know, if I, if I don't end up working out, one day or two days or three days, it won't kill me because, you know, the habit that I've developed sustainably over time is not going to, um, it's not going to be reversed just because of the one, two, three days that I wasn't able to make it to work out.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: Mm mm. Something this is bringing up for me, which, um, I think it all kind of ties together, but the, the idea that one or two days of not showing up at the gym doesn't define you. You, you've, you've proven to yourself over the course of consistent action, even if it's small. Um. Mm hmm. Like you, it's your identity now as someone who exercises or someone who prioritizes fitness.

And it sounds, um, something about that or what you shared really, I think hammers that home for me that there's at some point when you consistently start showing up for yourself in an area that's valuable to you, you, obtain that identity. Like you are the thing that you. Wanted to be six months ago, and you don't have to convince yourself because you have the history of having done it.

Irene Uy: Right. And you know, if there's anything that I'm taking away from today's call, cause I think we, we started, it wasn't so much about like the hurdles or the heat, , but how do you achieve your goals? Right. Cause oftentimes high achievers. Um, you know, a lot of people would like to set big goals and, um, the you know, setting, big goals might, deter a lot of people from even taking the first step because they think that they have to go big right away.

Um, that's that's pretty much what I'm picking up from our conversation today. What you, Cat?

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: yes, I, I like that you mentioned goals. So I just jotted this down as you were talking, like, yes, how do we achieve our goals? And, um, the importance of taking intentional action. in alignment with that. And it dovetails nicely with this idea of consistency. And, you know, if you can kind of get both of those into the same, same room, then the magic happens.

Irene Uy: So as we, close out our episode today, are there any key takeaways or habits or tips that you would like to share, to our audience, as it relates to how you, approach reaching your goals?

Also remember to talk about those glow areas, those things that, you are worth celebrating and you're excited about. I think that having a good balance of those is what keeps us motivated. In addition to like, yeah, encouraged and moving forward. How about you? Um,

That, oh, our body has actually, actually has a lot to tell us. So whether that's rest that I need right now or whether, Hey, I can push myself to do more. Um, our bodies will tell us. So that has been the practice that was, a game changer for me.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: As you wrap up today's session, we invite you to reflect on what resonated with you in today's episode. If you're interested in exploring the topic as it relates to your own personal experience, head to the show notes and visit

www.thecoachisinpodcast.com

Irene Uy: get ready to break personal, cultural, or generational barriers.

That gets in the way of being the best version of yourself and living the best version of your life.