Let's face it: you can have the degree, the stability, the Chanel bag—and still be absolutely dying inside.

Julie Cyvonne looked perfect on paper. Lawyer. Stable career. All the external markers of success. Except she was falling apart. Anxious. Depressed. Completely disconnected from herself. This is the reality of identity crisis for women who've checked every box society handed them and it's not actually a crisis. It's a wake-up call.

You already know how this story goes. You've lived some version of it yourself.

Here's the thing: Julie's breakdown in law school was the whisper. Three years of practicing law was the scream. And the pandemic that evaporated her cross-country job move? That was the universe popping her off the rock she'd been clinging to.

This episode exposes the toxic pattern that keeps high-achieving midlife women performing in lives that look good but feel like cages and what it actually takes to walk away. You'll hear why constantly asking others "what should I do?" means you've disconnected from your own knowing, the neuroscience of why microdosing silences the inner mean girl, and the uncomfortable truth about who benefits when you don't trust your own voice.

Julie's career change wasn't about throwing away stability. She walked toward psychedelics as medicine and built a business helping others rewire their nervous systems. This isn't theory, she lived it. The anxiety. The depression. The messy, non-linear path from courtroom to consciousness work.

You're not alone in this pattern. Your people are here. This is your reckoning. Yet.

IS THIS EPISODE FOR YOU?

Listen if you're:

✓ Sitting in a "successful" career wondering why your perfect life feels so empty

✓ Considering a career change at 40 (or beyond) but terrified of what people will think

✓ Constantly asking others for advice because you've stopped trusting yourself

✓ Curious about how to trust yourself again after years of outsourcing your power

✓ Interested in nervous system healing and alternative approaches beyond talk therapy

✓ Ready for midlife reinvention but don't know where to start

This is for you if you're done performing and ready to start listening.

WHAT GETS EXPOSED

The "perfect life as prison" pattern that keeps you checking boxes while crumbling internally and why that discomfort is actually your initiation into your next level

Why constantly outsourcing your power (texting three friends asking "what should I do?") is a symptom of disconnection from your own intuitive clarity and how learning to trust yourself after 40 is the real work

The uncomfortable truth about re-traumatizing therapy and why talking about your trauma every week for $200/hour wasn't actually helping Julie heal her nervous system

What happens when the universe stops whispering and starts screaming and why trying to control the river of your evolution never works (Julie's sticky starfish metaphor for leaving a stable job that's killing you)

The neuroscience of the inner mean girl: how the default mode network keeps you small by telling you you're weird, people don't like you, and you should stay safe and what microdosing does to quiet it

BURKE BOMBS

💣 "You're not bad at trusting yourself. You've been conditioned to outsource your power to everyone except yourself."

💣 "The breakdown isn't the problem. Spending three more years pretending you're fine is."

💣 "Life is a river trying to evolve you. You can be a stubborn salmon or a sticky starfish clinging to the rock—but the river will pop you off eventually."

QUESTIONS ANSWERED IN THIS EPISODE

How do I know if I need a career change at 40?

If you're asking the question, you already know. Your body's been telling you—through the anxiety, the depression, the feeling of dying inside while looking successful on paper. The question isn't whether you need change. It's whether you're ready to stop ignoring what you already know.

Jump to: [02:04] for Julie's law school breakdown that she ignored for three more years

What is microdosing and how does it help with anxiety?

Microdosing decreases blood flow to the default mode network—the part of your brain that constantly judges you, tells you you're weird, and keeps you playing small. When that inner mean girl gets quieter, your resistance drops and execution becomes easier. It's not about fixing yourself. It's about quieting the noise long enough to hear what you already know.

Jump to: [32:50] for the neuroscience explanation

How do I start trusting myself again after years of outsourcing my decisions?

Stop asking three different friends what you should do. Notice when you're outsourcing your power and ask yourself: "What do I actually want?" The self-trust muscle atrophies when you don't use it—and it rebuilds when you start making decisions without permission from everyone else.

Jump to: [04:06] for Julie's transformation from constant advice-seeker to decisive executor

What should I do when my perfect life feels empty?

Stop pretending you're fine. The breakdown Julie had in law school was her nervous system trying to tell her something. She wasn't ready to hear it. Three years later, the universe stopped whispering and started screaming. Your emptiness isn't a problem to fix—it's information trying to reach you.

Jump to: [00:00] for the full "Chanel bag can't fix the breakdown" truth

CONVERSATION BREAKDOWN

[00:00] - The Chanel bag paradox: When success on paper feels like suffocation

[01:25] - Meet Julie: The lawyer who knew something was wrong but kept performing anyway

[02:04] - The law school breakdown: Jekyll and Hyde boyfriend, crying through ethics exams, and the "this is fine" cafe fire meme as a life strategy

[03:27] - Michelle on re-traumatizing therapy: "Yeah, it can be"—validating when talk therapy just reopens wounds without healing

[04:06] - The self-trust deficit exposed: Why Julie was texting three friends for every decision (and why that meant she'd disconnected from her own knowing)

[05:13] - From lawyer to psychedelic facilitator: The messy transition nobody expected (and why her mom still doesn't fully get it)

[06:41] - The small town in Iowa is definitely talking: Why Julie only takes feedback from people living lives she wants to live

[07:09] - The sticky starfish metaphor: How the universe whispers first, then screams—and what happens when you finally stop clinging to control

[08:06] - The pandemic as cosmic pop: Moving across the country for a law firm that never opened—and why that "failure" was actually the river doing its work

[32:50] - The inner mean girl and the default mode network: The neuroscience of why your brain keeps telling you you're weird and people don't like you

[33:24] - The social anxiety cure you didn't know existed: How Julie went from second-guessing everything to talking to everyone without fear—and why it's a numbers game

[35:17] - Permission to have hot takes: "I'm not everyone's cup of tea, but I am plenty of people's cup of ayahuasca"

[36:08] - The execution shortcut that changes everything: Idea → Implement → Feedback → Refine → Repeat (stop living in the holding pattern you created)

[37:28] - The final truth: It's all gonna be okay. You're not gonna die. Do it messy. Start today.

ABOUT MICHELLE BURKE

Michelle Burke is the bestselling author of Hot Mess Magic, keynote speaker, and host of Hot Mess Magic podcast.

She doesn't do curated advice or toxic positivity. She tells the truth that gut-punches you awake.

Hot Mess Magic was born from the fire—the breakdowns, the unraveling, the full-blown identity crises. The kind that crack you open and refuse to let you go back to who you were.

This isn't self-help. It's self-trust.

Connect with Michelle:

📧 Newsletter: https://substack.com/@michelleaburke?

📱 Instagram: @michelleaburke

🌐 Instagram: hotmessmagicmedia

📖 Book: Hot Mess Magic ~ Discover the Magic in Your Mess

Work with Michelle:

💬 Intuitive Clarity Sessions (one-on-one guidance for trusting yourself again)

🎤 Speaking

ABOUT THE GUEST

Julie Cyvonne is a psychedelic facilitator, microdosing coach, and former lawyer who walked through the fire of high-functioning anxiety and depression while performing success.

After spending years checking society's boxes—law degree, bar exam, stable career—while falling apart internally, she left the courtroom for consciousness work. Julie's authority doesn't come from credentials (though she has those). It comes from living it: the breakdown in law school, the re-traumatizing therapy, the cross-country move for a job that evaporated, the messy path from law to plant medicine.

She now helps others rewire their nervous systems through intentional microdosing protocols and larger psychedelic journeys, with a focus on demystifying plant medicine and making it accessible to people ready to do the deep work.

Julie's not theorizing about transformation—she's got the receipts.

Connect with Julie:

📱 Instagram: @juliecyvonne

🌐 Website: juliecyvonne.com

💬 Want to explore microdosing? DM Julie the word "JOURNEY" on Instagram for a free quiz to see if microdosing is right for you

KEY REALIZATIONS FROM THIS EPISODE

On the self-trust you've been outsourcing: "I used to text three different people asking 'what should I do?' Now I know what I want. I go after it. I get it. I'm just a totally different person." - Julie

On whose opinion actually matters: "I only accept feedback from someone who's living a life that I would want to live." - Julie

On the universe as evolution: "Life is a river trying to push you toward your highest evolution. You can be a stubborn salmon or a sticky starfish and cling to the rock. But the river will pop you right off. The universe whispers first and then it screams." - Julie

On the inner mean girl getting quieter: "If it's quieter in there, our resistance is not as big. I have a way easier time executing because my mind chatter—I don't have a lot of it." - Julie on how microdosing changed her relationship with self-doubt

On starting now: "Do it messy. It's never going to be perfect. Take yourself out of your holding pattern. You are putting yourself there." - Julie

THE UNCOMFORTABLE TRUTH NOBODY'S SAYING

You can have all the right things and still be living the wrong life.

Julie's breakdown in law school was her nervous system trying to tell her something. She wasn't ready to hear it. Three years of practicing law later, the universe stopped whispering and started screaming.

The river is trying to evolve you. You can cling to the rock, or you can let it carry you.

Microdosing didn't fix Julie. It quieted the inner mean girl long enough for her to hear what she already knew. That's the work. Not fixing yourself—trusting yourself.

And if you're thinking, "But what will people think?"

Julie's already had her mom not understand. Her small town talk. The job that evaporated. The messy, non-linear path everyone judged.

She's here to tell you: Do it messy. Start today. Take yourself out of the holding pattern.

You're not broken. You never were. You just forgot how to trust what you already know.

Your people are here. This is your reckoning. Yet.

LISTEN & SUBSCRIBE

Apple Podcasts | Spotify | YouTube | Website

If this episode cracked something open, if you're the woman with the perfect life who's dying inside, or if you've been outsourcing your power to everyone except yourself—subscribe so you never miss an episode.

And if you're ready to stop performing and start listening? Leave a review. Tell us what this conversation exposed for you.

Your mess is your medicine. Your breakdown is your breakthrough.

Welcome to Hot Mess Magic.

RESOURCES MENTIONED

• Default Mode Network Research - NIH study on how psychedelics affect the DMN
• The Polyvagal Theory - Understanding nervous system regulation beyond talk therapy

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