Mastering Self-Review for Coaches: Growth Without Self-Loathing

SUMMARY

In this episode, Angie and John discuss the importance of self-review for coaches, comparing it to personal trainers who never exercise. They emphasize that effective self-evaluation helps coaches improve and avoid becoming complacent. Angie shares her journey of initially being uncomfortable with self-review, while John highlights the value of constructive feedback. Together, they explore the balance between constructive criticism and self-compassion, detailing how feedback and self-assessment can drive personal and professional growth. Practical tips include asking clients for feedback, reviewing coaching sessions objectively, and keeping track of progress. They also provide a free downloadable review questions sheet to assist coaches in their self-evaluation process.

Here's the link to the FREE (don't even need to give us your email) Self-Review Checklist: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1OTHh0vdF8eV0p9QGPRlFj2JoqClhLTkpe5mggB7oISw/edit?usp=sharing

Let us know if you find it helpful.

CHAPTERS

00:00 Introduction: Reflecting on Coaching Practices

00:33 The Importance of Self-Review

01:04 Personal Experiences with Self-Evaluation

02:29 Feedback from Others

03:53 Implementing Feedback for Growth

10:09 Client Feedback and Its Importance

12:04 Peer Review and Continuous Improvement

20:20 Questions for Self-Review

22:29 Conclusion: Keep Growing as a Coach

Want to contact the show? You can leave us a voicemail. It's free to do, and we might feature you on our next episode. All you need to do is go to https://speakpipe.com/thecoachingclinicpodcast and leave us a message. You can also find our clips and full episodes on the exclusive Coaching Clinic YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@coachingclinicpodcast

You can send us a video or voice message on LinkedIn:

John's LinkedIn Profile or go to PresentInfluence.com for coaching enquiries with John

Angie's LinkedIn Profile or visit AngieSpeaks.com

2023 Present Influence Productions Coaching Clinic: Grow Your Coaching Business & Master Coaching Skills 66

Angie,

2

Angie: John.

3

John: we spend so much time helping

clients reflect, review, and grow,

4

but how often do we actually turn

that same process back on ourselves?

5

Angie: Ooh.

6

I don't know if I wanna answer that,

but I think a lot of coaches treat their

7

own sessions like a dodgy first draft,

hit record, deliver it live, and hope

8

the client doesn't notice the typos.

9

But the truth is, the best

coaches keep leveling up by

10

reviewing their own performance.

11

John: They do.

12

otherwise we're like personal

trainers who never exercise.

13

So today we are looking at how to

review your own coaching sessions

14

without spiraling into self-loathing

or pretending that you are flawless.

15

Angie: Which, let's be

honest, are the two extremes.

16

Most of us kind of bounce between.

17

So let's see if we can't

find the middle ground.

18

John: Angie, I never

used to review myself.

19

but I do it more now.

20

In fact, I've been, come in,

put in positions where I've

21

had to do it, and I find

22

in that.

23

but there's so many different

places in which I review myself.

24

Coaching sessions is just one of

them, but I do feel it's important.

25

But I know you've been reviewing

your own coaching sessions as much

26

more standard practice than me.

27

So tell me a bit about when

did you start doing that and

28

why did you start doing that?

29

Angie: Yeah, I have to say, I wish I

could say to you, oh, I had this big

30

epiphany and I thought, wow, what a

great way to level up my coaching skills.

31

But that wasn't how it happened.

32

what happened was I was working

for a pretty big coaching company

33

and part of their process, it's one

of my certification, one of those.

34

Pieces to every session delivered

was coach self-evaluation.

35

And it really gave a great, comprehensive

breakdown of how do you think you did?

36

And it wasn't airy fairy.

37

So, so when I would say, six

years ago, I started doing it.

38

into my career.

39

I think previous to that it was more like.

40

Only brought onto my radar if I felt

something was wrong in the session.

41

And then I'd be, ruminating

going, what happened?

42

What happened?

43

What happened?

44

What was wrong?

45

What could I have done?

46

They're mad at me.

47

Maybe not to that extreme.

48

it wasn't of my own decision to be honest.

49

John: Yeah, for me, the first time

I ever had a coaching session review

50

wasn't me that was reviewing it.

51

I had to record it for someone else

to review, and that scared me and that

52

made me realize I've never done that.

53

And maybe I should, so I had to get a

coaching session reviewed and I got a

54

lot of feedback and it wasn't all great.

55

it was a lot of developmental feedback.

56

It wasn't horrible.

57

It wasn't tearing me to

shreds, but it was a lot.

58

And it was there's so many

things I can be doing better.

59

There's a lot of room for improvement,

which in some ways is good.

60

There are others ways in which it made

me feel a bit I'm not all that, I'm not

61

such a great coach as I want to be yet.

62

there's work to be done, but it

did make me pick up a few things,

63

notice what was really going on, and

see the value of, I've always seen

64

the value of getting feedback, even

though it doesn't always feel good,

65

even when it's your own feedback.

66

Angie: Yeah, it's important.

67

initially I was probably uncomfortable

with it, but it's because I was looking

68

at it all wrong instead of looking

at it as a tool to better myself,

69

because better coaching to me meant

reading a book, a new certification or

70

something, and maybe that is still true.

71

Learning something new.

72

John: Yeah.

73

Angie: Presenting it and practicing it.

74

Even vocabulary.

75

I just started getting into that,

another higher level of vocabulary

76

that I'd like to use during sessions.

77

But anyway, different story.

78

John: Okay, we'll wait

for that to kick in,

79

Angie: You're so funny.

80

And it's true, It is very true.

81

the real truth of the

matter is now I look for it,

82

I'm not uncomfortable with

self-evaluation anymore.

83

And I actually wish I had more opportunity

to even put it out there to other people

84

Hey, listen to this recording of my call.

85

What are your thoughts?

86

Because we've learned to be self-aware

instead of self-conscious as coaches,

87

you and I after all these years.

88

But really, who?

89

Telling us like we're

getting it right or wrong.

90

Co clients might think we're

great and we might actually suck.

91

We might be just really keeping

them comfortable and it feels good.

92

So what's the tool,

93

John: There's so many

things, look, I have this.

94

Theory, I do think good feedback

should make you feel a little bit

95

uncomfortable because if it's not,

you're kind of in your comfort zone.

96

You're you're just hearing

what you expect to hear.

97

You're not really getting

anything that's challenging you.

98

So the discomfort shouldn't

be making you feel like crap.

99

It should be making you feel

there's room to grow or there's

100

some things I can improve on.

101

And there's something to develop

here because if you are only hearing.

102

Good things, you're not

getting valuable feedback.

103

we want to hear what we do well, for sure.

104

That should be definitely

included in our feedback.

105

Look for what you do well in

your own personal reviews and

106

if you're reviewing someone else

definitely should be doing that.

107

And if you ever get a review from

somebody else, that is all negative,

108

you should probably challenge

that and say, Hey, look, could

109

you actually review this again?

110

or add in some things that I actually did

well because there must be something and

111

Angie: Yeah.

112

John: yeah.

113

But we do that for ourselves.

114

we're our own worst critics

I think some of the time.

115

But we should be able to at least

make ourselves feel a little bit

116

challenged, hopefully in a healthy

way with our reviews and feedbacks.

117

But I do think this is one

of the reasons why people are

118

sometimes a bit scared of it.

119

Angie: I'm actually taking a couple

of notes while we're talking today But

120

you know, the other thing that kind of

got me into the mindset, the idea of

121

evaluation, self-evaluation was when I

did work for this company, there were

122

people much higher up the coaching totem

pole than myself who were listening.

123

And watching, even sometimes live,

doing live coaching sessions.

124

those are really tough to do

in front of people and to be

125

rated by a group of peers.

126

So there were levels and levels of

that, and I really think that that

127

moment changed how I coached and my

perspective of the growth process because.

128

I think I was always looking,

high performer, still recovering,

129

overachiever my whole life.

130

it kind of took me out of that space

where if I just allow it to be a

131

tool to grow me incrementally as a

coach, there's nothing bad about that.

132

Even if I don't get it perfectly

right, it's okay, but it was

133

really, really uncomfortable in

the beginning and it wasn't even,

134

I would hope to say to you that.

135

If not for that experience with

that company, that at some point

136

I might have said, maybe I need to

do a little self-evaluation here.

137

I don't know that though, because

it didn't happen that way.

138

So I don't wanna lie and pretend.

139

John: I think there are times I've

experienced this, maybe you have

140

as well, where you know that a

review that you might be getting

141

from someone else could actually

be a bit of a pass fail situation.

142

it, it can, it can affect your

future, but reviewing yourself.

143

That's not the case.

144

This is, this is not the

time to be hypercritical.

145

This is the time to gather the data.

146

Try, try and distance yourself a

little bit as if you are listening to

147

someone else giving a coaching call.

148

I know we can't completely

do that, but we can a bit.

149

But try and get over that

you're hearing your voice back

150

or seeing yourself on video.

151

because, because people do feel

horrible about that and so.

152

You don't want to, don't be

criticizing your appearance.

153

Don't be criticizing the sound of your

voice, but you may want to notice other

154

times where you didn't respond the

way that you wanted to or you would've

155

preferred to have thinking back.

156

Now with hindsight, you would've

preferred to have said this instead.

157

Those are the kinds of

things that go right, great.

158

Make a note of that 'cause that could

help you in future coaching sessions.

159

This is much more have some

curiosity about this for yourself,

160

but don't, don't hold, hold

yourself to a ridiculous standard.

161

The goal is not to be perfect.

162

The goal is to give yourself

something to improve.

163

Angie: Yeah, and that's the thing.

164

And implementation, I think is the key.

165

It's the same way we would maybe challenge

a client, Hey, we just discovered this.

166

We had this awareness, right?

167

We discovered this awareness, we had this

awareness, this moment, this epiphany.

168

Now what?

169

What do I do with this?

170

Oh, okay.

171

There are some tools here.

172

The things that I could improve upon,

expand upon that are great, right?

173

Because it isn't this self-deprecating.

174

It shouldn't be.

175

It should be all positive.

176

Even if you find I'm really great at

this, but I'm not so great at this.

177

So implementation, you have

to even come up with a plan.

178

all of our sessions are organic, right?

179

In nature, so it's hard to say,

well, I'm gonna do this at this time.

180

But I think bringing it to the forefront,

top of mind, and then implementation

181

of that new practice, that is really

how we're gonna grow and expand.

182

I mean, honestly, without

that type of, observation.

183

How do we grow as coaches?

184

How do we become better at what

we do beyond the book or the

185

new certification or whatever?

186

John: let me say this.

187

when I worked in sales, one of

the things that we had to do,

188

because our calls were recorded.

189

We would have to, we would have

regular training and we would

190

have to bring to those training.

191

Sometimes it would be with

the owner of the company.

192

Sometimes it would be with an external

trainer that had had to do the sales

193

training, but we would have to bring

a recording of a call that went well

194

and of a call that didn't go so great.

195

and we would get complete round all around

feedback on that, on everything that

196

went well and every, that didn't go well.

197

So we were very clear on

what had to be improved upon.

198

At first, that's incredibly uncomfortable,

but after a while, you really do come

199

to value it, and you get a lot of growth

a lot quicker when you're getting that.

200

I'm wondering though, do you

ask your clients for feedback?

201

And if you do, how often do you

think we should be doing that?

202

Angie: Yeah.

203

So.

204

Okay.

205

There's a couple of things I do.

206

The first thing I do is after

each, at the end of each session,

207

I don't say, oh, what'd you love?

208

What did you like?

209

I don't ask that.

210

I ask, what was a value?

211

What was, what was a value for you today?

212

And it's not because I need them to tell

me how great I am or how I'm not so great.

213

It's me kind of diving into

what's resonating with them and

214

understanding that more clearly.

215

The second thing though is.

216

Depending on how many sessions

of what package they purchase.

217

if somebody purchases 26 sessions, which

is essentially a six month period, I

218

will do the halfway mark and just do

a very strategic questionnaire that

219

they get from me just so I understand

whattheir perception is of not just

220

the actual coaching, but what would you

like to see more of from your coach?

221

Do you feel you need

to be more challenged?

222

Most people, I would say 85 plus percent

actually really do a great job with that.

223

I have had the people that are well,

she should be nicer, or it's things

224

low level things, which tells me that

they're still uncomfortable with the

225

process, but that's something that I do.

226

And then at the end I

will do the same thing.

227

What was your overall experience?

228

And I give them opportunity to not

just answer yes or no or do a rating.

229

There's opportunity for

them to speak to me.

230

And then if I'm working with a

corporate, a corporate client,

231

who hired me to train or coach, I

should say, multiples of people.

232

So not only does the client get it,

but then the corporation gets it

233

as well, because I need to know how

this is working outside of these

234

beautiful sessions that I'm delivering.

235

So I do ask halfway through

and then again at the end,

236

John: Which we're saying is good advice.

237

think we have touched on this before

in episodes, this is especially

238

important if you do work in a

team with other coaches or another

239

organization with other coaches, if

you have people working with you.

240

You should probably be not just

reviewing your own calls, but reviewing

241

each other's calls and coming together

to do that in the same kind of way

242

becausedunno if you remember this, but

when we were both working for the same

243

organization for a while, I was trying

to get them to implement that we would

244

regularly review each other's calls

and have co coach meetings to do that.

245

I don't think they were super excited

about doing it, and I'm pretty

246

sure they never implemented it.

247

but I was really pushing for it

because I thought if we were hungry

248

for development, hungry for growth.

249

And to me this was one of the

easiest ways to get that happening.

250

I'm not saying we didn't get any

development when we were there.

251

We did.

252

this could have been much more

valuable feedback to see how each

253

other, how other coaches doing the

same kind of thing are working.

254

What kind of questions are they asking?

255

Learn from each other.

256

where was something they

could have done better?

257

Where was something they did really

well that you would want to emulate?

258

Super

259

Angie: Yes.

260

Yeah, I was just going to bring up, if

you are a solopreneur, if you are that

261

person, you're a coach, you sit in a

home office or my friend John here, he

262

travels to an office that is just his, and

263

John: Until the end of this week.

264

Yeah.

265

Angie: Okay.

266

And we'll talk more

about that later, right?

267

But, if you are that person who's

generally alone, I think if you're

268

outside of an organization that is

specifically geared toward coaching,

269

where hopefully you are being

challenged and always getting reminded

270

of your own personal growth, right?

271

Because that company has an

interest in you doing well,

272

in delivering great sessions.

273

Because if not.

274

Somebody might sign on

once and then that's it.

275

The name of the game is You're done.

276

It's not great.

277

It sounded good.

278

So they have an interest in you growing.

279

But if you lose that opportunity,

which is bringing me to what you

280

just said, it is extremely valuable

for you to bring in people that.

281

You trust andget it right.

282

They understand coaching.

283

I certainly couldn't ask somebody

I know a friend or a family member

284

that's not in this field to listen.

285

Even if they listen to a

podcast, they're like, wow.

286

They think we're superheroes when they

hear us talking here on a podcast.

287

It's a very different dynamic.

288

But yes, I think there is great

value in utilizing the people that

289

you trust to challenge you and say,

I think you did these things really

290

well and this I felt got dropped off.

291

Or, you and I did this recently, right?

292

we kind of did this, and I have to

be honest, I dunno if I ever told you

293

this, John, but I was uncomfortable.

294

John asked me for feedback and I

had to look for it because it was

295

a great session, but there was a

specific purpose behind this, right?

296

That we did this.

297

without getting into all of that.

298

It was really uncomfortable for

me 'cause I adore him and love

299

him and think he's amazing.

300

So for me to come back and say, well

I think this, and he listen, anything

301

that I gave him in terms of feedback, he

did receive well, which is why I don't

302

think, utilizing the people you know and

love is a great idea because I initially

303

was uncomfortable and I had to, I

304

John: know that.

305

I'm sorry.

306

I.

307

Angie: No.

308

No.

309

What do you mean there's

no, he's so funny.

310

But I wanted to, because there was a

specific outcome that we were looking

311

for, so I had to push past my love

and affection and put on my trainer

312

cap, if you will, trainer, coach hat.

313

' cause I was that person and really be,

I felt a, not harsh, but I was Hey, this

314

was great, but this wasn't so great.

315

I hope that that was, I don't know.

316

We never talked about it again, but

317

I

318

John: We didn't need to.

319

Angie: Even outside of the

reasonable, we're still here.

320

Right?

321

this is good.

322

I would hope that even beyond what

the purpose was for that exercise,

323

that maybe there's pieces that you

took away and said, I really should

324

consider that or think about that.

325

John: Hundred percent.

326

Angie: excellent value in having of give

you that overarching Hmm, who are you as a

327

John: don't, I really appreciate

that you did that, especially now

328

I understand how that it was a

bit challenging for you as well.

329

So thank you.

330

Thank you even more.

331

But yeah, definitely that

was really useful for me.

332

And I dunno what this says about how

different we are, but if the tables

333

were turned, I would have no hesitation.

334

Angie: Okay.

335

You heard it here first, folks.

336

He would come at me guns a blazing and

337

John: Don't really like that.

338

Angie: I,

339

John: I just have a perspective

that I think feedback is a gift,

340

and that's how I look at it.

341

I think honest feedback or valuable

feedback that helps you to grow

342

and develop, even if it's a bit

difficult to hear, is a gift.

343

and I would never present it in a

way of though, oh, hey Angie, this

344

sucks to you are terrible at this.

345

It would never be that.

346

It would be, all right, here's

what I saw you did well.

347

Here's where I think there's some,

potentially there was some room for

348

improvement or what I, or it might

even be, here's what you could have

349

done differently, or here's how

I might have handled it in that

350

situation, if that's of value to you.

351

it may not even just be saying,

oh, you should have done this.

352

It might be more here's another option

for you that, in that situation that you

353

might find helpful in the future, or,

you know, what you did was actually fine.

354

that's really what it is.

355

But I just view feedback in that kind

of way I guess I don't think about that.

356

You're going to, maybe you

might get upset about it.

357

'cause I think, you know, knowing you

as well as I do and anyone who's likely

358

to ask me for that, I do tend to assume

that if there's a problem with the

359

feedback, they're gonna let me know.

360

Angie: Well listen, I think

that part of the, is part of the

361

beauty of getting feedback is

there has to be a mutual respect.

362

There has to be a respect.

363

If you are the person receiving

the information, you have to be

364

able to take that constructively.

365

'cause it's not criticism, I don't

believe in constructive criticism.

366

I think that is a BS term.

367

I think constructive

feedback is really important.

368

And I think the person delivering

needs to be a little bit sensitive.

369

for example, you know, if you guys

haven't figured out by now, John and

370

I are very different in our approach.

371

He's more zen.

372

I'm more direct.

373

As a direct person, that doesn't

mean that I can handle everything

374

and it doesn't mean that it's not

going to strike a chord with me.

375

Right.

376

Hit a, hit a nerve and you as

the delivery person, need to be,

377

I think conscientious of that.

378

Be respectful, be professional

so that you don't really incite

379

any type of negative inflammatory

feelings with the other person.

380

There has to be that mutual respect.

381

If you're going to put

yourself in that position.

382

this just came to mind when you and

I did work for that same company.

383

One of the things that I really did

appreciate though, was coming on board

384

and having other, more not, I don't

even think more seasoned in terms of

385

being in the industry, but more seasoned

in terms of working at that company.

386

People listening, people

watching, participating.

387

While we were doing what we were

doing, and I really loved that.

388

I really respected and

valued getting that feedback.

389

Not because I wanted to get it

right, but because I recognized

390

how much I needed that.

391

And sometimes this was a beautiful thing

and I'm sure this happened for you.

392

Sometimes people were actually

able to say, when you handled this,

393

I really thought that was great.

394

I wouldn't have thought of that.

395

Not because they're validating us, it

was becauseI was able to, even as a

396

student, be the teacher, which to me

also kind of reflected that I do know

397

what I'm doing and there is value.

398

I can still provide value

even in my imperfection.

399

So that was kind of a cool thing.

400

John: I think that opportunity is

always there to be the teacher,

401

even when you're the student.

402

I think we should always keep that student

mentality even when we are very seasoned

403

as that we are eternal students as well.

404

we are learning even from

those who may have much less

405

time and experience than us.

406

But let me ask you this, because I

think this is important and maybe to

407

start to wrap up with this as well.

408

But what are the questions you

would ask yourself to review with?

409

Angie: this is my rule of thumb, what

went really well in that session today?

410

In terms of they, did they have any

epiphanies, ahas, wins, whatever.

411

What went really well that I can expand

upon, and that might even come from my

412

perspective along with what they valued.

413

And then the second question, it always,

always is, what can I even do better?

414

Even if it went fantastic, it felt great.

415

They had an epiphany.

416

It's the perfect storm of greatness

in a session, which by the

417

way, doesn't happen every time.

418

It doesn't happen all the time.

419

It's probably less time than we

would think, but if it's great, okay,

420

what, what can I still do better?

421

Where did I feel off?

422

Was I distracted?

423

there's a bunch of questions

that I will literally go through

424

as I revisit that session.

425

Absolutely none of it negative though.

426

John: and you may come, and if you record

your session and play it back, you may

427

come up with some other things as well,

rather than just pulling from memory

428

what you feel went well, what may be,

where there was room for improvement, you

429

might start to notice some other things.

430

I would always finish

up with a review with.

431

what could I do better?

432

what could I work on to be a

better coach going forward?

433

when you are reviewing that as

well as reviewing what am I doing

434

better that I've been working on?

435

Where have I made some improvements?

436

Track your own progress with all of this.

437

one of the things I have done

is put together a little.

438

Review questions sheet for our listener

so that you can, it's gonna be in the

439

show notes for you on YouTube description.

440

You can go and download it free.

441

You don't have to give us your

email address or anything like that.

442

You can just go and get the PDF for free.

443

And it's in the show notes just to give

you some simple questions that we've just

444

been talking about, and a few more to help

you review your own sessions and know what

445

to look for and what to keep working on.

446

So we

447

Angie: Oh, very cool.

448

John: We hope you'll find that helpful.

449

But, yeah, such an important area to

be reviewing and, getting the bit of

450

external review as well where you can.

451

But definitely reviewing yourself

too, getting some client feedback.

452

All of these things gonna help

make you an even more amazing coach

453

Angie: Yeah.

454

There's no way you're going to grow,

if you get too comfortable in your,

455

within yourself or with yourself,

you've stopped growing As a coach, and.

456

the new clients that you receive

may not recognize it, but if you

457

have repeat clients, it will get

stale, like day old bread sitting

458

out on the counter in Arizona.

459

Heat.

460

Right.

461

It will get stale.

462

So this is definitely a practice that I

think most of us just don't do naturally

463

and inherently unless we're taught

and it's illustrated, but great value.

464

We

465

John: We recommend it.

466

Angie: we want.

467

Yeah, absolutely.

468

All

469

John: if you're not growing, if

you're not growing, you're stagnating.

470

So, maybe it's, maybe you're at the

start of that, but there's no need to be,

471

Angie: Yeah.

472

John: keep developing.

473

The more you grow, the more

your clients can grow with you.

474

Maybe some of them will just stay

with you even longer because of that.

475

You know, I've had clients I've worked

with for years because I've kept my

476

development growing all that time.

477

I've

478

Angie: Mm-hmm.

479

John: I've worked with them as well.

480

So much to get from this.

481

Angie, I think we've covered a lot here.

482

You happy that we've,

483

Angie: Love it.

484

John: some justice today.

485

Angie: Love it.

486

Yeah.

487

John: Well, we'll come back

next time and do it again.

488

We'll hit another topic, so make sure

that you don't miss that next week.