Note: Intro music was originally messed up. Delete the download and re-play to fix it if you hear any problems!

Book and Ocean try to pull off a B&E in the belly of the beast.

This one is mostly a game of Splinter Cell if Sam Fisher was played by the lizard from Rampage.

Welcome to Oops!

All Apocalypses, a show where we explore the collapse of society by playing fun, tabletop, role-playing games.

I'm your host, Stu Masterson, and I'm joined by One Bird and One Worm.

Hey guys, I'm Brady.

I'm a Wrigley Worm, and I play Book McCready, a super salty sleuth, salty, that his best friend slash magic hand's friend hasn't healed him yet.

I'm Jacob, Bird Jacob.

I play Ocean, a gentle giant who, I think we're still debating whether or not has actually healed him or not.

You definitely have not.

I like definitely not healed you.

100 percent.

100 percent.

100 percent have not.

If you have, I will give you $2.

I will match that $2 for any listener who goes back through and emails us with a timestamp where one of Book's current five damage was healed.

That at the time we thought was three damage, it's fine.

Last week, Brady missed our very fun intro that we had a lot of fun with.

I don't know if it's actually good to listen to.

I think it was.

I think it was great.

So we've made him not listen to that episode this entire week.

Which is why I don't know that I've been healed.

Yes.

And then we get mad at him for not remembering.

But since he hasn't listened to that, he's also going to not have the prep time that we had to come up with his answer to this week's question.

So we're still putting the questions to follow them up on hold for one more week while we ask Brady.

This is a question for you, not for Book.

If you had to draft a five-person dream team to go with you into the post-apocalypse, who would it be?

Qualifiers.

Can't be magic.

Can they be fictional?

They can be real or not real.

Yes, they can be fictional or not fictional.

Can't be magic, and your family is already accounted for, so don't waste your guesses on them.

Okay, my family is dead.

Okay, that can work too.

I'm just kidding.

And you are picking last in this draft, so we have some people already off the board.

Oh, gosh.

But you get some insight into our picks, so I think you get more than you lose, is what I'll say.

Okay.

Do you still remember your entire team?

Yeah, I remember my team, my A-listers.

I've got Denzel Washington from Book of Eli.

Okay, so the character, not the actor.

The character, yep.

I've got Ash from Evil Dead, the character.

Oh, hell yeah, okay.

I've got Katniss Everdeen, the character.

A bad choice, but all right.

Yeah, it's probably going to stab me in my back, but I think she'd be good at surviving.

I've got Sherlock Holmes.

And then to pull my whole team together to make it so that way, we're going to be a unit that are all friends, and they're going to get along really well, and eat the heart and soul of my team.

I've got Samwise Gamgee from Lord of the Rings.

That's your best pick.

That is 100% your best pick.

It's an incredible team.

Spoilers for my list, Jacob1, but I am still happy with my post-Apocalypse team, and we're going to have a lot of fun.

I have John Cusack from Gross Point Blank, not the character, the actor, from that specific period of time.

Oh, you stole the Jokos about them.

I have Dr.

House because he took my Sherlock Holmes which was the only pic I thought of in the two minutes before I had to go.

To help Dr.

House, I have Olivia Wilde, not her character 13 because she's going to die within months.

The actual actress, Olivia Wilde.

I have Nate from the band Fun and the Format because he's a really good singer but doesn't play instruments, so I'm still useful.

And then I ruined that immediately by my Samwise Gamgee is Jimmy Buffett.

But late 90s Jimmy Buffett, so he's still alive.

Oh my God.

He would be great cannon fodder if you're ever getting chased by zombies.

I think he'd make friends with the zombies.

He'd crack a cold one with them.

He'd be singing Margaritaville as he gets eaten.

Drinking some margaritas, sitting on the beach.

All right, are you ready for my list?

I'm very excited for your list.

Number one, I want Ganondorf.

Ganondorf?

He clearly has magic powers.

Oh, you said no magic?

No superpowers.

Okay, shit.

Also, if you have magic powers, what a bad pick.

I was gonna say, that's a terrible pick.

You're saying you said Katniss is a bad pick?

She's gonna stab me in the back.

Ganondorf will murder you, no problem.

I was going to make a list of all hyper-powered villains and just say that instead of trying to fight the apocalypse, that we joined the apocalypse.

But since I ruined that because every villain has superpowers, I'm gonna redo my list.

Okay, I want Hugh Jackman in costume as Wolverine, but just the actor Hugh Jackman.

Okay.

Because he can sing really well.

I want Bear Grylls.

Is it from, ooh, Bear Grylls is an amazing choice.

I want Bear Grylls, the human man.

Yeah, you think it's good, but he's gonna drink all your pee when you're old.

I want him to drink my pee.

Your Hugh Jackman, is this Hugh Jackman, current Hugh Jackman, or is this like Wolverine era Hugh Jackman?

Which Hugh Jackman era are we going for here?

Also, which Wolverine era?

There's like three different distinct Hugh Jackmans.

This is-

That's a correct answer.

Days of Future Past.

That was not the correct answer.

Hugh Jackman.

I think that's my favorite X-Men movie.

It's him in the cool outfit from Days of Future Past.

But it's just, again, it's just Hugh Jackman, the actor.

But he has the metal claws on.

Okay.

All right.

So I've got-

That's fine.

They can be CGI.

It's, okay, Hugh Jackman, the actor in Costumes Wolverine.

I've got Bear Grylls, the human man, to drink our pee.

And then I want Steve Irwin to wrangle the Weird Reptiles.

That we come across.

It's a really good pick.

He would also, I think, be a great Samwise Gamgee character, just like being a cool Aussie bloke, having a good time.

I want President Theodore Roosevelt.

Bad calls.

Doesn't he have a ton of medical problems?

No, he was a freaking outdoorsman, like no other.

So young Teddy Theodore Roosevelt.

I want like Rough Riders era Theodore Roosevelt.

So peak Theodore Roosevelt.

Yeah, peak of his abilities, peak of his power.

To be our fearless leader, slash to kill the mooses and the bulls, the bull mooses.

And then my last pick, does it have to be a human if it's a non-magical creature?

Are you getting benefits out of the creature aspect of it?

Yeah, of course.

This has to be somewhat realistic.

What were you going to say?

Well, because you're picking Samwise Gamgee, who's not human.

So I feel like I should be able to say the fish guy from Shape of Water in case it's a water apocalypse.

But I don't get any benefit from Samwise Gamgee being a hobbit, right?

Like, it's almost a drawback.

Getting a fish man that can swim, that seems like a good benefit for you.

Canonically, hobbits can hide really well.

Oh, because they're so small, I guess.

And they're deadly accurate with throwing rocks for some reason.

Tolkien mentions that like six times.

I'm going to veto the fish man from Shape of Water just because I know the real reason you chose him.

Yeah, I want to fuck the fish man.

Okay, okay.

Since I can't do the fish man from Shape of Water, I will instead do Rick from Rick and Morty.

Right, you're choosing Rick from Rick and Morty.

Rick from Rick and Morty?

Yep.

I think your being with those five people, one, you picked five of the worst smelling individuals in existence.

Hugh Jackman's the only one who's neutral at best.

Hugh Jackman would be my little cuddle bear.

Everyone else has a very strong stench associated with them.

Musky.

Was Theodore Roosevelt stinky?

Is that part of Theodore Roosevelt's lore?

He had to.

He rode horses for like 7,000 miles, and they didn't have showers back then.

That is very true.

Also, he owns Yosemite or some shit.

And I'm probably going to get a lot of hate mail from Steve Irwin people, but I don't think you have a lot of people who are good listeners.

Like you have people who are always the very center of attention, which is something I worried about and counteract with James Buffett.

But you're very like...

Jimmy Buffett is not a good listener.

Wow.

We know you don't know what you're talking about.

If that's the kind of news he's bringing to the table, he thinks everything is about him.

I think you've only heard one song.

Fair enough.

I'm the impartial judge of all these, right?

I think Jacob is the clear victor in this one.

Hell yeah.

Hell yeah.

I think so.

Barrett Grills was like a green beret or some shit.

Was he really?

But not an American green beret.

He was the British version of a green beret.

A verdient beret.

Yep.

I think yeah, I think Bear Grylls was a phenomenal pick.

That's that's a I'm kind of kicking myself for not picking that.

Yeah, that's the only one I like out of all of your options.

But even though Bear Grylls is a good pick, I also don't want to talk to him for any amount of time.

I would not have fun in a room with Bear Grylls at all.

I'd ask him like four questions and be like, well, I'm out of here.

I have a good one.

Every single one of Jacob's characters.

I could talk to you for years.

Including Ash Revalde.

Oh, I bet he'd be the most fun to talk to.

Ash Revalde is a very good choice.

I think Jacob's team is, if it's any amount of a supernatural apocalypse, he wins hands down.

You're good if just like all the lights go off.

Just the apocalypse that's about to happen happens.

If you just like lose power and nature overtakes us and there's a lot of animals around and not a lot of water, then you got it.

And then for some reason, you added Rick and from your team just to just to make sure that we're fine, that we're good.

You got to have some smart guy on your team.

So you can rebuild society.

I got Sherlock Holmes.

You got Dr.

House.

He's got Rick from Rick and Morty.

We got three different generations of Sherlock.

It almost feels sacrilegious to mention the same sentence.

Oh, my God.

Listen, Theodore Roosevelt got shot and kept doing his speech for like 45 minutes after he got shot.

That makes me think he has bad priorities and isn't good at not getting shot, which are two things that you need to have in the Apocalypses.

Well, that was a wonderful...

I liked that.

We should do that again.

Because you think you can do better next time?

I think next time we should do it like a real draft where we take turns going and we build out our teams even further.

Yeah, we got different subcategories.

Like here's our punter, here's our picker.

Left tackle.

This is our defensive tank.

Well, I don't know where this episode is going to go today because you guys left it at a very dangly moment.

So let's get back to it pretty quick so we can see what happens.

Back to the action!

Hee-loo-loo.

You guys are dangling over the top of Subtropolis.

You had just seen an individual you think is Frieda go into the courthouse, and your last plan, as I recall it, is for you guys to sneak in there and try to get your tape.

Is that what your main goal is?

Mm-hmm.

Yes.

So Frieda has, in theory, the original tape that you guys released that should exonerate you for most of the claims against you.

So I was thinking, actually, I think it would be a good idea if maybe we sent Juniper to gather up your crew of people, like maybe to meet elsewhere at a later time.

So that way we can do this little heist thing.

And then when we leave, we can go meet up with your group.

I feel like we are the oceans through three, four.

I don't think we need oceans more.

No, not for this heist, but just so that way we can get the group afterwards to kind of meet up with all your people and figure out.

What do we need from them?

I don't know.

It's your cult, right?

I don't.

They're on their own right now, and so are we.

That's true.

I feel like it's going to come and bite us.

That's fine.

Leaving them alone.

Stu, where is that on our threat map?

I will tell you nothing.

Also, it's not a cult.

It's a following.

But I think it would be useful to actually kind of meet up with them at the very least to talk about what's been going on and figure out what the plan should be going on.

Because if we end up leaving, because I think right now, after this, we're probably going to have to leave to go find go off that lead that you're either investigate that tower where or spade disappeared.

It's trying to hunt her down or go to where the next location that your parents were kind of hinting at us going to.

Yeah, honestly, the spade thing kind of seems like it that that loose end snipped itself.

Maybe, maybe.

Okay, no, I see your point.

Okay, so I would like that we can figure out what the plan kind of guide them on what to do in subtropolis while we're gone.

Instead of sending Juniper, I have an idea.

I'm going to radio I radio Johnny hurts.

Well, first, are you planning on bringing Juniper with you?

Yeah.

Or we could use Juniper as a watch lookout.

Yeah, he's going to be our guy in the van.

We just need him to hit the lever that raises us back up after we do the heist.

So here's my plan.

I radio Johnny hurts.

Howdy.

Hey, Johnny.

Okay.

I need you to let let people know that there will be a book club meeting at the where should we meet Ocean?

Someplace that they don't know, but I don't think any where like Hickory and stuff would know.

You can make up a new spot.

We could make up a new spot.

We have three spots and love to have a new one.

Book club meeting.

Is there a library?

That would be a good place for a book club to meet.

And also, if there is a library, it would be an inconspicuous place that would not rouse suspicion.

Yeah, there can be a mostly destroyed library.

There's a really bad fire there at one point.

It didn't fully burn the building down, but most of the books inside were destroyed and the rest have kind of been picked over.

So it's just kind of some skeleton shelves.

And there's still some desks there that have most of their legs.

I guess that would be in the kind of the outskirts of Hamlet Opening or in the kind of the first area of Subtropolis, you think?

Or would you say it would be actually in Hamlet Opening?

I think it could be in Hamlet Opening if you want it to be.

Yeah, I kind of figured.

I envisioned it being in Hamlet Opening, but like just very run down, almost no books.

Yeah.

Hey, Johnny Hertz.

Hey.

Hey, Johnny.

Hey, it's Johnny Hertz here.

What do you need?

Could you let your listeners know that there will be a meeting of the Book Club at the library tomorrow at noon?

You want me to literally say it on air or do you want me to like find some people?

Say it on air.

It's a code.

Okay.

If it's a code that people know, sounds good.

It's not.

They'll figure it out.

Okay, I will get to that as soon as possible.

I hope only the right people show up.

That's my concern.

My concern would be somebody listening in.

Johnny, do you know who all we're referring to when we say the book club?

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Apparently, it's a code word you guys did not share with me.

It's a new one.

You're welcome to come if you want to come to the book club.

Tell them that we'll be discussing our book of the month.

I got this book about exonerating yourself.

What's that movie with Harrison Ford?

If I Did It by OJ.

Simpson?

Fugitive is what I was thinking of.

But I mean, if I did it, that is literally irrelevant.

Was The Fugitive a book?

It's a movie.

I don't think it was a book.

We'll be discussing the novelization of The Fugitive.

That's a little on the nose, but I'm fine with it.

Talk to y'all later.

Thanks, Johnny.

Sick, sick, sick.

Hey, Ocean.

Yeah.

I just noticed that there's like literally a puddle of blood in your foot well here coming from my chest.

Yeah, I can see what I can do about that.

Fix me.

I'm having a sense of deja vu, but here, let me put my hands on you.

And then he and then book passes out.

Okay, so let's see.

Oh, that's an 11.

Three options?

Three.

On 10 plus choose three.

So I'm going to say heals the tissue damage and stops the bleeding.

Gonna take the pain away and remove any disease or purge infection, which got deja vu.

I swear we did this.

And that can heal up to three harm.

It can heal.

Ask the MC MC whether they heal one or two harm.

So whatever you think, however much you think it would be.

The since you got such a good success and you chose things that covered kind of the gamut of damage you've taken, you can heal two harm.

I still have a lot of harm.

Yeah, you're still real messed up.

So what's our plan here?

We're gonna do a big, big, big, big...

Give me a Rita Citroll.

Give me a Rita Citroll book.

You got it.

Since you've been looking at the courthouse for quite a while now, just not very effectively, but you have noticed some things about it that may apply to the situation.

All right, here we go.

Ooh-wee.

All right, that's a five.

Can I have helped at all with this?

Could Ocean also be on the lookout and spying around?

Yeah, also give me a Rita Citroll first.

Oh, no.

That is a ten, actually.

Okay.

Tell me three things that Book didn't notice.

Tell you three things that Book didn't notice.

Yeah, tell me three things that Book didn't notice.

Oh, goodness.

There are three big impactful things as soon as you look at the courthouse that you notice right away that are going to tie into you trying to sneak into here.

Oh, God.

So I have to basically come up with the roadblocks for this heist.

Or things that would help us, like a hatch being unlocked.

Come on, dude.

It doesn't have to be bad.

That is true.

I think first thing I think I'm going to say, actually, because I think this makes sense, is it's we were it's dark outside, right?

Or the equivalent of nighttime here.

They got the lights and subtropos off.

So yes, I think Ocean notices that the lights in the barracks area kind of behind the courthouse all seem to be off.

So it seems like they're probably sleeping.

OK, it's past their bedtime.

They're done partying for the night.

Yeah, it's pretty late.

So I think that could help us out.

I think I got to balance that out by saying something that's going to hurt us.

I don't think that you do.

I think these could be three really good things that I didn't notice.

They could be.

And then Stu gets his one free question to screw us up.

Well, here, I'm going to say one thing that I think is going to be a little bit of a roadblock for us, and then I'll try and think of something more positive to spin for the last one.

But I'm going to say there's two guard towers kind of at the entrance of the kind of where we cut our way in the last time.

They got two guard towers kind of set up at the far ends of that fence, and they definitely look to be manned.

Yep, since their last break-in, they knew something was up.

I'm going to say the courthouse still looks to be pretty darn damaged from the explosion.

So there's punches of holes in the walls and some places that haven't been fully repaired.

I'm going to say probably that fence where we came in still probably has a decent cut in it.

It's been kind of put back up.

So I'm going to say the place still looks like it's pretty damaged from that big explosion.

Yeah, I'll clarify that to say that where the explosion was, obviously, there was a ton of stuff still messed up.

They haven't even tried to repair that stuff.

It was like server rooms and weird storage units that are all just broken.

But there was also a huge piece of shrapnel that lodged itself in the wall of the courthouse proper.

And they've actually been taking down some of the bricks around it to repair it because they knew it wasn't structurally sound.

So there's a pretty not significant but there is like a gap in the actual wall.

But it's near the barracks.

So it's not like in a nice easy to sneak into location.

With your successful help role, that gives Book two questions he can ask me.

Oh, hell yeah.

Hell yeah.

Woohoo.

All right.

I've got a question.

First question.

What's our best way in to that specific place that we saw the lady go?

She ran into the courthouse proper, right?

It wasn't the barracks that she went to.

Not the barracks.

She went in through a window.

That's so interesting.

That kind of implies that she's got some kind of higher up tie to Hickory.

I'm going to ask, who here would do what I ask?

Ooh.

Interesting.

For your two questions, the first one is your best way in.

The courthouse does actually, much to your luck, have a very flat wide roof on it.

So there's like a big bulbous thing near the front to make it look like an officially governmenty building, like any building in DC.

But the back part of it does have a pretty large flat part that you think you could lower the spider onto safely.

You don't see many entrance points from there, but it's hard to tell from up here.

There's all sorts of like weird equipment and scaffolding left around.

And for who will do you ask?

Juniper seems to be feeling pretty bad for you because you talked about how you didn't even know you had a sister.

And like he feels bad that like that didn't come up in the whole time you've been talking to him.

Like he's realizing that he's kept like kind of a distance from talking about your family because he knew it upset you, even though it's something you like to talk about.

So he's probably in a pretty good position to do pretty much whatever you ask right now.

So none of like the guards at the guard tower look particularly like amenable to us sneaking in?

No, you don't know those dudes.

Okay, I turned to Ocean.

Ocean.

What's our plan?

We got it.

We got to distract the towers, distract the guards in the guard towers, right?

We got to land on the roof.

We have to sneak in.

We have to get the tape.

We have to sneak out.

And then we have to spider web our way out.

I have an idea.

I don't think it's a good idea.

But I think it could be a pretty good idea to get a distraction and get us in.

Though this idea does make it a little tough for us to get out the way we came in.

Oh, no.

Okay.

Smash cut coming in like a wrecking ball.

So what if we lower the spider onto the roof, get up on the roof, we can use the scaffolding that's there to find a window that there's that's open, that doesn't have anybody in sneaking that way.

We take one of the radios.

When we get in, we radio Juniper to drive the spider and make a loud commotion and drive off from the top of the roof, off into Subtropolis to try and try to pull some of Hickory's men away to go investigate that.

Hear me out, though.

If we do that, there's absolutely no doubt that like, I think our goal for this should be that nobody knows that we were ever here.

That is true.

Because then when we released the new tape, no one's like gonna be upset that we stole it back.

Who's gonna be upset you stole it back?

Well, just challenging here, not saying you're wrong.

Frida will.

Just a fun show.

I think we need to talk to Frida about why she did this.

And I think that's probably gonna help us figure out the best thing to do from here on.

We still don't know anything about why she edited and why she did all this stuff.

I think we need to talk to her and figure out what her game plan is.

Because I mean, we trust her.

She's been valuable.

We've known her for ages now.

She's always been helpful.

She's always given us good jobs.

I don't think she's trying to just throw us under the bus.

I think there's something else going on.

I kind of feel like that's exactly what she's trying to do, but I agree.

I think that's a good idea.

I think one of us should try to talk to Frieda, and the other one should try to get the tape.

Okay, Stu, on the towers, are there spotlights, and how many?

Not big ones.

It looks like they have kind of those handheld, but large ones.

Like the ones that you would take camping?

Yes, like a big camping light.

These were put up very quickly.

These are not permanent.

They're handheld?

Yeah.

I have an idea.

What are the odds that something you jury-rigged eventually falls off?

Pretty good, right?

So we target the spotlight that is pointing at the roof we want to descend to, and we knock it loose, so that then they have to go down, retrieve it, and try to fix it.

In that amount of time, we can land, retrieve the tape, have a conversation, and leave.

I think that's not a bad plan.

Okay, we just need to identify an easy way to knock down that light.

So we need to figure out a way to knock down the spotlight in a way that it doesn't look like it's been sabotaged, but in a way that it will make them need to come out and try and fix it real quick.

Stu, the acid that the spider dripped on us.

Yes.

Is there any chance that some of it is left on the spider?

Even though we drove through water.

You've gone through multiple automatic car washes at this point.

Do we have alcohol?

Juniper, you have a flask.

I am certain that you have a flask, Juniper.

I would never drink on the job, he says as he pulls out a flask and hand it.

Okay.

Can we see how the light is attached?

Is it tape?

Duct tape, maybe?

The one that you think you need is like very haphazardly.

There's a little bit of like tape on the corner, and it's mostly just like gravity plus tape to stabilize it.

Kent, do you think we could maneuver ourselves directly above it?

Pour the alcohol onto the tape so that it erodes the contact.

That month, the noise from the garbage launcher won't be too distracting.

And if I launch garbage and knock it off.

But what is it going to do?

If I launch something that's really inconspicuous, like some bottles or some rocks or something.

Like Vesuvius' head.

Not Vesuvius' head.

That's the opposite of inconspicuous.

I mean like stuff that seems like it would very easily come from the roof of the cave.

Like a rock.

Yeah, like a big ass rock or something.

I could drop, I could use my garbage launcher, or we could just position and aim and drop it on top of.

Yeah, because as long as we hit the tower, it's haphazard enough.

I don't think we need to be get a good hit on the light itself to at least cause some damage to make them have to come over and investigate it.

I think it's a good plan.

I stand by it.

OK, Ocean peeks outside the spider and looks around and sees if there's like a stalactite or something that's hanging on the cliff, the roof wall, or at least some loose debris that he can easily knock off or pull off with his shovel.

Yeah, there's a stalactite that a normal person could not easily break off, but you are able to.

Hell yeah.

As a large boy.

As a small gang.

OK.

You outnumber that stalactite significantly.

So Ocean takes his shovel and kind of pops it on the top where it's holding on to the cave wall till it comes loose, grabs it, and then he's going to take the spider and he's going to try and navigate it to where we're pretty directly above where the guard tower is.

OK, you can get over there.

This is going to be pretty hard to aim.

OK.

Would it be easier with the gun?

Yeah, I think the gun would make it easier.

OK, so alternatively, Ocean, what if we positioned over the building we want to drop onto so that as soon as the thing gets knocked off, we drop?

OK, yeah, I think that's a good idea.

Because I think it's probably pretty close, right?

You can use your fun little gun thing.

OK.

You could have it set up where you swing down, you release one and it like swings.

Oh yeah, I love my spider swinging.

Yeah, that's what we'll do.

So we'll position ourselves so that way I adjust the right spot where if I let go one of the winches, the spider will swing over to the roof so we can let go of the other one and land on it.

And you're going to try to shoot this piece of stalagmite into a light or near it.

Yes.

Give me A.

Try something challenging.

I think that's the only one that works.

Because you're not trying to break it.

If you were trying to destroy it, maybe it could be attack something.

Well, I think we are trying to destroy it, right?

We're trying to be very precise, though.

Yeah.

So yeah, we're not shooting the light to take the light, like to break the glass or anything.

We're actually trying to.

I think this is definitely aggro roll.

I agree.

I agree.

I'm not very good at being aggro, so I am a little bit better at aggro now, though.

So he's in Google dice roller this time.

So come on, give me some of that Brady Cheaton magic.

That's a seven.

A nice mix success.

This would have been a really good one to get a full success.

I agree.

You go and you aim.

There's a it's a big distance like so to frame your success.

Your goal here is to make it so the light's not shining on there.

And you really want to distract them long enough to do stuff, right?

Is there any logical way that Book could have helped in this situation?

I could.

I was trying to think of it while you were rolling.

And I was about to say to Brady, you better really start doing some calculus to figure out a way.

That's what I'm thinking.

Maybe he could use his.

He's a smarty boy.

He can.

I don't think he has any expertise and trajectories.

Maybe he could help me position that like aim it and steady it, because this thing has a little big kick, right?

So maybe we can say is helping is that he's helping me steady it.

OK, I was going to say, alternatively, what if I'm helping?

It's going to have to be real good.

Let me let me use this.

It's going to be really good for it to make sense that you're helping him do a difficult shot from not being his hands and eyes.

OK, I got it.

I got it.

This isn't like a battle fight where you can distract someone.

I take the binoculars that I was using and I tape them to the top of the blunderbust and I draw a crosshair to help him aim.

You make me a scope.

Come on.

OK, if you lose your binoculars forever.

OK, yeah, I break them in half so that it actually is a scope and not binoculars taped to the top.

OK, Book, give me a try something challenging.

I wedge like a napkin under it so that it's perfectly level.

Try something challenging, huh?

Give me some kind of say so.

Challenging stuff is what I eat for lunch.

Plus aggro, son of a bitch.

All right, here we go.

That is a seven.

Oh, shit.

You're able to get it on there.

Pretty good.

Give me an assist role.

I'll help someone.

Oh, God, that was just to get it on.

No, that was to successfully break it and make it an actual useful scope in any possible way.

OK, so now I'm rolling help.

Oh, that's a nine.

You go and you take this broken binocular, snapped in half and stuck, I imagine, taped to the top of this blunderbuss with your Sharpie written crosshairs on it.

And you take it, and luckily, Ocean, you've used so many shitty broken scopes that you know how to account for it.

You don't trust the crosshair, you know exactly where you should aim, and you shoot.

If my help roll is the difference between him making the shot and not, then it should be the crosshair that makes the difference.

I'm not ignoring the crosshair.

As the chunk of stalag tight flies through the air, it hits like a little less than a foot away from the light, and there is a loud pop when the gun shoots, but it doesn't sound like it was much louder than you like breaking off the stalag tight with your shovel, so you're not too concerned about that.

Hell yeah.

And it rockets through, and you see just for a second, the light starts teetering a little bit, and then the little fibers of the tape start stretching and stretching as it falls more and more until it clunks down off of the top of the tower, leaving the roof of the courthouse completely dark.

Give me a deal with bad terrain roll as you unleash one of your pythons and go flying towards the roof.

Deal with bad terrain.

I always forget because we don't do this very often.

Cool plus handling.

Cool plus handling.

Okay, so that's plus two plus one.

Spiders got decent handling, honestly, for such a hunk of junk.

That is an eight.

In its natural terrain.

Hell yeah.

You go and you had an anchor point above it, and you feel like you put out just enough slack to put you right above the roof so you can lower yourself down just the last little bit.

But you did misjudge it just a little bit.

And as you come in, you do hit the roof kind of hard.

It's not like you go crashing into it.

You were pretty close, but your front tires hit down as you come in.

And when you finally stop, you are like literally just like an inch above the ground.

But from the angle you came in, you kind of skirted along it.

And it was you kind of heard the building creak underneath you.

You don't know what it sounds like from inside.

Hell yeah.

Let's knock this fucker down.

Now that we got the...

Should we wait and see if they come out and investigate the tower before trying to go in, or should we just go?

I don't think so, because the roof is now in darkness.

I think this is our shot.

This is our one shot, our opportunity to seize everything we ever wanted in one moment.

And then we should capture it and not let it slip by waiting.

All right, let's go.

Book pops the collar of his jacket and rolls out of the...

he does a stealth ninja roll out of the open car door.

OK, and as Book rolls out, Ocean turns to Juniper and is like, OK, Juniper, here's everything you need to know about this car.

We're gonna leave the radio for you.

When we need to go, we'll let you know.

Be ready, shoot those pitons, so that way when we get in, we can just bust out of here.

Book pops his head up from below the footwell of the car and says, Thanks, Juniper!

And then rolls away again.

No problem.

I've seen this thing driven enough times that I'll be able to kind of walk him through it.

Oh, but Suvius, you're staying behind?

Well, you popped your collar, so I couldn't be on your shoulder.

No, no, you're on my shoulder.

My collar is in between your neck and my neck.

Show me how you pop a collar with a head on your shoulder.

My collar is between your neck and my neck, so I popped the collar in between your neck.

This is non-Euclidean geometry you're talking about.

I just feel like it would be helpful to have a pair of eyes.

I put them back on my shoulder, facing backwards, so you can watch my back.

Okay, well, good luck, Juniper.

It was nice knowing you.

How are you guys getting in?

Okay, so I look for the AC vent, and then I walk past it, because there's no way I'm crawling through one of those again.

Ocean's idea is to use the scaffolding that we saw to look for a window to kind of like scale the sides and look for a window that we can go in that appears unoccupied and also is near the side that Fredo went in.

You can do that.

You're going to try to sneak in through there.

I guess stand together for now or split up immediately.

I'm splitting up because I want to maximize our chances of success.

Okay, so when they split up, Ocean turns to Book and is like, Good luck.

Get out of there as fast as possible, man.

Book blows a kiss to Ocean.

Ocean goes in for a knuckle, like a fist bump, and you go in for the blow and the kiss, and we just can't stay in there for a second.

He's like, Good talk.

Act under fire.

For both of us?

Just you.

Okay.

Ooh, nine.

Yeah, you find the scaffolding, you hop down on top of it, try and remain quiet.

From here, you can see that two of the guards have gone over to check on the light.

Right now, they're headed in that direction.

You are on the same side as the barracks and all of that stuff right now.

You see there are a few windows you go to.

The first couple are locked, so you'd have to break through them, and one that's near kind of that big open area where they've been taking some of the bricks down.

You can look through, but there are a couple of lights inside.

Which way do you want to go?

Lay it out one more time.

There's a couple of windows that are locked, so you'd have to break them.

Or there's an opening where you can get in, but there's a light on.

Somewhere not in the first room you're going into, but like you can see in the hallway right outside of it, there's a light on.

Looking at the windows that are locked, is there enough of a gap that I can wedge my shovel underneath to kind of pry it open and break the lock part open instead of breaking the window to prop it up that way?

Yeah, you could definitely try that.

It may still make a noise.

I would say that's not a guaranteed silent method of opening a window.

No.

I'm gonna try and put my shovel under to pry it open.

I think that's probably a better idea than going through the one with the lights if we're trying to avoid being seen.

OK, give me a try something challenging.

I don't want to try anything challenging anymore.

That's a five.

You go.

It's kind of at an awkward angle with the scaffolding.

The scaffolding is not made for these windows.

It's made for the big middle part that's open right now.

And you go and you shove your shove your shovel in there.

And it's providing a little more resistance than you think.

So as you go and you try to leverage it, it suddenly pops.

It's like there was a pretty cheap lock somewhere on it that was higher up, and you didn't realize that's what was holding it down.

So you're putting a little too much force and your shovel flies out of your hands and starts clattering against some of the scaffolding.

No!

It doesn't make a ton, ton of noise, but like it makes a little bit of noise.

And it's like 10 feet below you.

But the windows open.

Book, what are you doing?

Do we see Frida go into the room?

Like that's her room or she went into an office?

Oh, assuming Ocean told you everything, which I think.

We saw them in two different places, I thought.

The person you think is Frida went in through a window, went down a bunch of different hallways into a room where they at least felt comfortable enough to take off their clothes and switch into other stuff.

And then left and then headed towards Hickory Fleek's office.

Okay, so I want to go to the room where they changed.

I want to go like right above it.

Is it on the top floor?

The window they came through, they eventually made it pretty far into the middle of the building before their room was at.

So you think you have a lot of good access points.

But basically, I want to know if there's a window directly into that room.

Oh, no, I said further into the building, I think, specifically.

Okay, the room where they changed is further into the building.

Okay, so in that case, if there was, they probably would have left through that window.

In that case, I want to look for a fire escape basically, that's on the opposite side of the building from where the two men are looking for the light, and then I want to enter via the same window that Frieda did.

I just want to retrace the steps.

Okay, yeah, you're able to find that with Ocean while you guys were up there forever.

I'm sure he scribbled a little map out for you on where the kind of path they took.

So you find that same fire escape and you're able to slide down there, and that same window is unlocked.

Okay, I'll do shimmy it open.

It goes open, it's very dusty and creaks, and it's actually kind of hard to open.

I spit on the hinges so that it opens smoother.

That's not how things work, but you get into the window.

Okay, and I wriggly worm my way in, and now I want to pop my collar again with Vesuvius pointing backwards.

Okay, so again, my fingers are going between his neck and my neck and popping my collar up around my ears.

I'm going to make you balance a pumpkin on your shoulder and pop a collar at the same time.

It's not, I don't need to balance.

You're gonna look like an idiot.

You're gonna look like the biggest fool in town.

You're gonna look like an idiot.

That's the point.

Anyway, and now I want to kind of peer around and see if there's anybody I need to avoid while retracing.

Yeah, give me a read of Citroen.

I can do that.

Hell yeah.

That's an eight.

Okay, ask me two questions.

I want to know, hey, what should I be on the lookout for?

And what's my best way through to Frieda's room?

You go down a couple hallways.

You're following the same path that Frieda took.

Obviously, Ocean couldn't have sat there and explained the entire, every little inch of what was going on, but you got the rough path, and you get to a long hallway where you're supposed to turn down the end, and a hallway right at the end of it, there is a open door with the light on inside.

That's the only way you know to go forward towards Frieda, and I would say if you try to go, like, take another path, he didn't see any.

He had just, like, this top-down view.

He didn't have, like, any room numbers or anything like that.

So if you stray off this path too much, it's gonna be pretty hard to figure out where they're at.

I'm just gonna walk past confidently.

And I'm gonna turn my shoulders so that it looks like there's only one head when I pass the door.

So you're, like, facing away from the door?

Well, I have to see what's in there.

Well, no, I have to walk towards it.

You said it's at the end of the hallway?

So I'm gonna walk towards it, but as I get closer, like, I'm assuming I have to make a...

Do I make a right or a left at the door?

Right hand turn.

Okay.

So then Vesuvius is...

I'm gonna position Vesuvius, make sure that he's on my right shoulder so that when I turn to make the turn in profile, it looks like there's only one head as I pass the door.

But I'm gonna...

I'm gonna look, I'm gonna turn my eyes.

You're not gonna be able to see well.

That's okay.

I'm gonna turn my head, just to do a little peek.

A little peek.

Okay, you start walking down this hallway with confidence.

Give me a act under fire.

Act under fire?

A nine.

You start walking along the hallway just with full confidence, like you've been here before and you know exactly where you're going.

As you get towards the door, you do hear some noises inside.

You can't see in it well from straight on.

It looks like this is the entrance to like an office where back to your left as you walk in, the desk would be.

So you're going to be turning directly away from it.

You do see there is a sign on the door that says Randall Cunningham on it.

It looks pretty fancy.

While most of the other signs in here, with Randy Candy?

While most of the other signs in here are like old and busted.

This one was clearly put intentionally.

And you're able to walk by.

With confidence, you hear the click clacking of a keyboard.

It stops for just a second, but then it picks back up when you're a little bit further along.

Book makes a note in his new waterproof Moleskine notebook that Randy Candy, I make a note of the room number on the floor and the position of his office.

Okay, back to Ocean.

What are you doing?

Your shovel has just clinked beneath you.

You hear someone too far away do anything go, was there a sound?

So knowing that retrieving the shovel just looks suspicious and that a shovel falling on scaffolding probably doesn't look that strange.

Ocean's gonna wipe a single tear away from his eye and continue into the building, leaving his shovel behind.

Oh, my God.

You slide in to the window.

Mm-hmm.

And this room is completely dark.

You know you need to get down to the first floor, is where Hickory Fleek's office is.

Give me a read-a-central.

That is a eight.

Ask me one question.

I'm gonna say, what's my best way in to get to where I saw Frieda going, or the person assumed to be Frieda?

So you're taking a different route than what you saw Frieda take, but you've been in this building before.

You've been in the main lobby area.

So you think there's a couple different things.

The fastest way is they do actually have an elevator in the middle part of it, but obviously that's gonna put you pretty exposed if you're trying to fully hide yourself.

You know, with the hour it's at right now, you guys, even though there is a main courthouse proper where normally it's very busy and it's way in the open, not many people should be working right now.

Like it's bedtime, it's sleepy time.

So you guys are actually in the more dangerous section right now where people seem to stay.

Yeah.

So getting to kind of the main floor, which is less sneaky and less secluded, may actually be a better way of getting to Hickory's without being seen.

The main floor is where we saw Frida going, right?

To the office.

Yes.

Right through that same court room that you guys were in before.

Ocean heads towards the main foyer in the courthouse.

What's a fast way you could get there?

Just come up with something.

Fast way I could get there?

I'm going to take one of the stairwells.

Yeah, probably an emergency exit stairwell that I suspect has not been wired up to be used for emergency exit in a long time.

It says keep door closed, but you're conscious enough this doesn't actually do anything.

You open it, the bar is very loud, like they always are.

You close it behind you and you don't.

Doesn't seem like that should be too out of place.

And you look, you peer over the edge of this stairwell and you see no one else on it.

So you hurriedly scamper down into the main floor.

As you open it up, you get into the lobby.

There's this kind of stairwell all the way off to the side where you have to walk in front of the main entrance.

Then you walk in front of that bailiffs counter where you talked to Pistachio Jones that one time.

And there's a big intersecting hallway where you previously followed it to get back into the courtyard to when old dead Vesuvius was shooting targets.

So you gotta start walking through all that.

Right now, there's no one around.

It's just this big, well-lit room.

How are you doing it?

Are you just walking down the middle, trying to stay near the edge, look for potted plants to jump behind, or just trying to move as quick as possible to get through it before you hear doors open and people coming?

I think as quick as possible.

Though he'll keep a lookout to see if there's anything that he can easily hide behind.

So as quick as possible, but probably keeping towards the wall where the chairs and the check-in desks and stuff would be so he could easily jump in if he needs to.

Okay, you make it all the way up to that big intersecting hallway.

You look down the long, wide path to see a completely dark courtyard.

No one seems to be walking around.

You dash across this opening.

You're kind of near that bailiff's counter.

When you hear the door to the courtroom open up, big, loud clunk, someone not being sneaky opens up.

What's your first thing you do?

I duck behind the bailiff's counter.

Act under fire.

That is a great roll.

That is a 13.

The bailiff's counter, as everyone knows, I'm sure, has one of those weird, really high up windows that the bailiff talks to you through.

And they have, like, protective glass so people can't stab them and stuff like that.

But the bottom part of it's open, and with just fox-like grace, you leap through this, like, two-foot gap on this door and roll into the bailiff's room where you had talked into Pistachio Jones.

You're just immediately silent, right?

When you hit the ground, you stop breathing.

Roll on the cat paws.

There's really shitty carpet underneath you that kind of deafened your clunking, and you hear loud shoes walking by.

That's how I'd describe them.

Very click-clacky.

Like, maybe heels.

Ocean tries his best to peer above the counter just with his eyes to see if he can get a glimpse without being seen.

You wait till they seem like they're just passing you, and you look up and you see a very well-dressed woman walking in high heels with purpose pretty quickly back towards the elevator.

Does she look at all like what I saw with Frida, the person I think is Frida?

Yeah, pretty much exactly.

Pretty much exactly.

Pretty much exactly.

Back at Book, you continue going down.

I'm trying to keep this roughly time equivalent for both dramatic and time equivalent.

So I pass Randy Candy, who knew my mom.

You pass Randall Cunningham, and continue down the hallway.

You're pretty close now, and you see the door that Ocean described.

All right, I kick it open, hard as I can.

Give me A.

Just kidding.

I test the handle to see if it's open.

It's locked.

I pull out my lockpick set, and I try to jimmy the lock.

Give me A, try something challenging.

How many pins does it have?

Six.

Cool.

Give that an A.

Do you see a six then, I assume?

You have to roll higher than a six to succeed.

Oh, that's a five.

Are you trying to jimmy the lock, or actually trying to pick it?

Trying to pick it.

Nah, your lock pick breaks off inside.

Sad.

That was your good one.

That was my father's lock pick.

Okay.

The lock pick breaks off inside of it.

So what I'm going to do now, is it a deadbolt or just the knob that locks?

Just the knobby one.

Oh, hell yeah.

Okay, so I take out my sword, and I'm going to try to use the point of the sword to push back to push back the bolt of the lock, because it's the one that curves.

So it's not as deep as the deadlock.

So I can just kind of push it back.

Use the point to kind of push it and nudge it back in, so I can open the door.

Okay, give me a try, something challenging.

Again?

That is a seven.

You wedge it in, it's curved the other way, so you have to go from above and kind of angle it down, so you're in a very awkward position right now.

But you're able to get it just enough that you're able to push the door through, and as you are you trying to like jump in and close the door behind you, or are you trying to peer in to see if anyone's in there?

What's your...

I think I just open the door and step in.

Yeah, and then close it behind me.

Okay, you open the door and a chain is locked on the other side, and it clinks about a fist and a half width.

I don't necessarily want to break the chain, because then they'll know I was there, but they'll know I was there if the tapes gets re-released anyway.

So, yeah, I swing my sword at the chain.

You break the chain.

It's a little loud.

Okay, and then I go and close the door.

It looks exactly like Ocean described to you.

It's a pretty well-put-together room.

There's nothing in it that, like, screams out.

This is Frieda's room.

There's not a bunch of, like, giraffe-stuffed animals or anything like that.

No eyebrows on the wall?

No eyebrows anywhere on the wall.

Okay, so first thing I do is I re-lock the door behind...

Well, the door never got unlocked, technically, so...

Yep, lock as in door is still locked.

I am locked in, baby!

Locked in Ciampa.

I wedge a chair under the doorknob just to give me some extra time to prepare if somebody comes in.

And I want to inspect the room.

I want to look for Frieda's call sign on, like, any floor panels.

I want to look under the bed, see if there's any boxes that would be secret Frieda shit.

Give me a Rita Citroel.

Fuck me.

God damn it.

That is a six.

You look around the room, there's nothing that makes you think of Frieda.

You kind of look under the bed.

There are some, like, boxes under there, but as you pull out and look at them, it has a lot of, like, old magazines in it, but none of them are even, like, artsy magazines.

It's, like, just normal ass, deep old magazines.

Does Frieda have a computer?

There's no computer in this room.

Then how did she edit the video?

Open all the drawers.

Any cassette tapes?

Nope.

Lots of clothes.

There's a closet.

There is a TV in here.

There's a desk.

Is there a VCR?

A valid computer on it.

Under the TV?

There is a VCR under the TV.

I open it.

You open it, and The Patriot by Mel Gibson comes out.

I put it in my pocket.

That's a good movie.

Just kidding.

I don't.

I put it back in.

Oh, man, I really don't want to give up.

By Mel Gibson.

I don't think he made that movie.

Is there a...

Is it panel ceiling or regular ceiling?

Yes, it's like an office building, so it's got those big panels on it.

Is there a step stool anywhere in the room?

No, just the chair you have wedged under the door.

Okay, I take the chair from under the door, I stand on it, I pop my head up into the panels.

Okay, you look in the panels.

There's nothing hidden up here, but as you look around, you see that on one of the panels, like three panels away, in the direction of the closet, you see some light coming up from underneath the panel, which is weird, but there's nothing up here.

Okay, I scoot the chair over to under that one, I check that one out.

You go to try to move under that one, and there's a closet in the way.

There's a closed door.

Okay, so I open the closet door.

Yeah, and there's a bunch of clothes in here.

It's actually really messy.

There's a bunch of just like tubs filled with like papers and stuff, but none of it looks too important.

But you're counting the tiles, it's still, you can't reach it.

It's beyond, so it's in the other room?

Oh, it's further than the closet.

Can I reach it from the panel in the closet?

What do you mean reach it from the panel?

Oh, you want to just set up the chair in there and go look up that one?

You go in there, you get on your little tippy toes.

It's really hard to see high enough.

But as you look over it, it's clearly one panel away from you.

You see this light coming up, you can reach it and even remove the panel.

And there's like the tiny little cubby room you see back there that has a laptop.

It has an entire wall of spray paint, and it has like a little nest.

It looks like it's from like a papazong chair has been taken out, and there's all these like magazines and comic books around it.

Let's go back to Ocean.

What's the distance from where I am right now to the elevator that she's sitting in, standing in front of?

With the pace, do you care about the time or the distance?

Are you throwing something or are you trying to get somewhere first?

So my plan here is to wait until she opens up the elevator door, and then while she's stepping in, while she's still facing away from me, is it enough of a distance that I can quickly run from where I'm hiding and get into the elevator before she turns around?

The elevator is kind of in a lobby near that big open hallway.

By the time she gets there, you think you could get out and wait around the corner, and then as it opens up and she goes in, you won't have to go run as far.

Okay, yeah, I'm going to close the distance.

That seems pretty safe.

Yeah, I'm going to close my distance, close the distance, kind of keep behind her to avoid being seen.

And then when she opens up the elevator and steps inside, Ocean is going to rush into the elevator with her, kind of like push her in the rest of the way.

And as he comes in, he is going to hit the close door button and put his finger over Frieda's mouth, her mouth.

The door is open, you hear ding, you hear the very loud footsteps clunk into the room.

And as you dash behind her, she's already like turned around and is in the corner, but you make it in well before the door closes.

And you go in there and you start mashing the door button, hold your fingers up.

And she just doesn't seem to react very much.

Like she looks at you in the face, turns her head a little bit to the side.

Oh, shit, so she doesn't even react?

Waits for you to say something.

When the door is shut, I'm going to keep my finger held on the closed door button.

I'm sure that's how that works.

I mean, it is in movies.

But the elevator is actually, now that I think about it, when you're in an elevator, it stays shut if the button is not pressed.

If like once the door shuts, if you don't hit a button.

It's actually a setting.

It's a setting you can change, but most of the time, yeah.

They'll stay closed.

Brady had some fun elevator facts.

He almost gave up.

I was just going to say, I think it would stay closed unless somebody presses the button outside and then it would open right up.

Yeah, then's a problem.

Then's a problem.

That wasn't a fun elevator fact.

Ocean turns around, looks at her and goes, Freeida?

Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of Oops!

All Apocalypses.

This is a last call for any questions for our Oops!

All Talkpocalypse episode coming up, where we recap episodes 21 through 40.

We also have the conclusion to our Oops!

Hallmark-Op-Polypse episode coming next week, so make sure you tune in to that.

Unless you hated the first one, in which case, I'm sorry, but not surprised.

The music and editing was performed by Stu Masterson, Brady McDonough made that logo in art, and Jacob rubs our tummies when we're feeling gassy.

Love you, bye.

Doo doo