Shownotes
Veterinary burnout, motherhood, work-life balance, career transitions, and authentic leadership come together in this deeply personal conversation with Dr. Ashley Gray. What happens when the career you've worked your entire life to build no longer aligns with the season you're living? Dr. Ashley shares her emotional journey from emergency veterinarian and hospital leader to intentionally stepping away from full-time practice after becoming a mother of two. Together with Dr. Bethany Weinheimer, they discuss identity shifts, listening to your intuition, recognizing burnout, asking for help, therapy, lowering perfectionist expectations, and building a sustainable veterinary career that honors both professional purpose and family. This episode is an honest reminder that evolving isn't giving up—it's choosing alignment.
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Explore coaching, programs, and resources designed to support alignment, leadership, and long-term sustainability in veterinary medicine at https://www.evolvedvets.com/membership
In This Episode
How to recognize when burnout is really your body asking you to pivot
Why motherhood can completely reshape your identity and personal values
Practical ways to lower perfectionism while creating a more sustainable veterinary career
How therapy, community, and trusting your intuition can help you navigate life's biggest transitions
Key Timestamps
- 00:00 Motherhood changes your identity in unexpected ways
- 03:35 Ashley's veterinary career journey from internship to ER and leadership
- 06:45 Following intuition through a cross-country move while pregnant
- 11:20 Discovering authentic values after becoming a mother
- 14:00 Navigating a newborn's unexpected medical challenges and career decisions
- 16:30 Why therapy became one of Ashley's biggest lessons
- 20:45 Leaving full-time veterinary medicine and facing an identity crisis
- 24:00 Finding purpose through education, advocacy, and supporting pet parents
- 30:20 Rebuilding a career through writing, creativity, and intentional motherhood
- 37:40 Delegation, raising resilient children, and embracing imperfect growth
Key Takeaways
Your body often recognizes burnout before your mind is willing to admit it.
Every season of life requires reevaluating your values—and sometimes your career.
Asking for help, seeking therapy, and leaning on your community are signs of strength, not weakness.
Sustainable success in veterinary medicine comes from alignment, not constant achievement.
About Dr. Ashley Gray
Dr. Ashley Gray is a well-rounded small animal general practitioner who has experience with emergency medicine. She is fear free certified and additional skills include: abdominal ultrasound, endoscopy, spectrum of care medicine, excellent communicator, relationship builder, marketer and great at recruiting. She has solid social media experience and run two successful platforms (@Southernpetvet and @vetsontherise). She also held leadership roles as Internship Director and Medical Director.
She and a vet school classmate friend started the company Vets on the Rise back in 2019. Why? Her main passion is providing mentorship support to vet students and new grad vets. Check it out on Instagram: @vetsontherise VOTR is here with books, courses and email subscriber support to help new vets!
Check out how we can help your new grad hires or vet student classes at: www.veterinariansontherise.com
Instagram: :https://www.instagram.com/southernpetvet/?hl=en
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/vetsontherise/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ashley-gray-a17407a5
Resources Mentioned
📸 Instagram: @EvolvedVets
📺 YouTube: Evolved Vets
🌐 Website & Membership: www.evolvedvets.com
📸 Instagram: @drbeththevet
💼 LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/bethany-weinheimer-a9047558
🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@drbeththevet
Transcripts
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: like a release. It's a release, yeah.
Dr. Ashley Gray: You're releasing an old
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: identity.
identity, and then you have [:[00:00:30] it changes you. It's just different, yeah. And so through that experience, it just taught me if I'm not [00:00:35] able to be present and have that quality time, and feel good with my family, then something needs to [00:00:40] give.
to the Evolve vets podcast. [:Hello, and [00:00:55] welcome to the Evolve Vets podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Bethany Weinheimer, and today I'm here with Dr. [00:01:00] Ashly Gray. Ashly, thank you so much for being on the podcast. I think we met about five years [00:01:05] ago. Yeah. You were training as an MD for VEG, and you came to my hospital on [00:01:10] VEG Katy, Katy, Texas, um, where we just, like, immediately clicked.
I've always loved [:I have tears, [00:01:40] tears, tears. Um, but it's, it's just so fun to have you on the platform, and hopefully we [00:01:45] can share a little bit more about your story to help others who are in vet med and along [00:01:50] their, their journey as a woman here too. Absolutely. So can you tell us a little bit about yourself and- Yeah ... and your [00:01:55] journey as a veterinarian?
That was
Dr. Ashley Gray: so sweet.
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Aw,
xcited to be with you. I was [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Yeah.
e crazy whole pregnant move, [:which I'll get into. We can talk about that. Yeah. Um, for a new job. But, [00:02:20] you know, for those who don't know, I'm Ashley Gray. Um, current present time I am [00:02:25] a part-time stay at home mom of a two and a five-year-old, um, happily married [00:02:30] to my French husband. Ooh. So we're actually on an exciting journey in three weeks to take [00:02:35] our youngest to France for the first time- Oh
to meet her uncle and [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Um- I
Dr. Ashley Gray: love
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: that.
Dr. Ashley Gray: [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: I wanna hear, the, the team and all of our listeners would probably love to hear more, how did [00:02:50] y'all meet?
I was almost, like, about to [:I was in my last year. I've
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: been there.
hley Gray: You're focused on [:This was pre Tinder and [00:03:15] all of that. Pre all the dating apps, yeah. This was
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: just,
we met at a bar, and started [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Congratulations. I know. Thank you. That's so [00:03:30] exciting. So as you transitioned throughout vet med, like what has your journey been there?
Have you always [:Dr. Ashley Gray: So I was that like classic [00:03:40] new grad that was excited but scared, and just completely like, "Am I [00:03:45] even ready? Am I gonna be exposed tomorrow?" Like, "I don't deserve this degree." Yeah. I just [00:03:50] couldn't really click the medical to the application.
lly hard for me, so I did an [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Yeah.
r. Ashley Gray: You're like, [:[00:04:10] Yeah. So I have been general practice, ER, urgent care, um, and kinda [00:04:15] just a little bit of everything, and I love it. I like being a jack of all trades and- You know, [00:04:20] truly like to, we'll fast-forward to kind of the more recent times, but through all of my [00:04:25] experiences just looking back 12 years, um, of being a vet, um, I feel like I [00:04:30] really, my favorite part of vet med is the connection to the pet parent and the [00:04:35] pet, and I really miss that.
practice is getting to know [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Yeah.
Dr. Ashley Gray: And I, I [:And you brought up a fun story we can kind of talk about a [00:05:00] little bit of. Yeah, let's do it. When, um, job three, you know, some of us have kind of [00:05:05] bounced a little bit. I, I stayed pretty steady in the first job, took on a second for a year, and then [00:05:10] found Veg and really loved what they stand for. Yeah,
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: yeah.
Wanted to help them put this [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Yeah,
think in high school you'll [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Yeah.
Dr. Ashley Gray: Um, and so [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Wow.
Gray: And the job basically [:pregnant me, and move basically from [00:05:55] North Carolina to, um, New York.
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Wow. So
Dr. Ashley Gray: that was big. And what was that
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: experience like, like? It
Dr. Ashley Gray: was [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Yeah.
, um, pregnancy and it does, [:an interesting question, [00:06:10] and I'm like, "Well, I was chaotic that year."
h. And do you think Claire's [:Dr. Ashley Gray: so chill ... like
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: peaceful child
Gray: that I've ever met So [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Yeah, yeah. No, I love that, and I [00:06:25] love that you're so open and vulnerable.
ecision, like, "Yes, I wanna [:Dr. Ashley Gray: way?
tic, but you know, honestly, [:I wanted to learn how to be more of a leader. Um, I potentially wanted to own my own hospital, so it [00:07:05] felt like a great journey into that, where I was going to be an ER doctor for a year, get to know [00:07:10] how Vej operates, and then open a hospital a year later. So- Yeah ... in my brain, I could kinda see the [00:07:15] timeline lining up well with a child, where I'd have her somewhere in the middle.
ah. And then we'd move back, [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Yeah.
e best decisions of my life. [:Um, and then also just for the, the leadership [00:07:45] side. I feel like it gave me a whole new chapter that I wouldn't have had, so. Yeah. The year of, [00:07:50] of being pregnant, going through a lot of life changes, right? In general, big life changes are, you [00:07:55] know, graduating from school- Yes ... um, moving, um, new jobs, kids, [00:08:00] getting married.
es are more manageable solo. [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Yes.
e at you, and it's like, you [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Exactly
Dr. Ashley Gray: things. But when they all kind of happen at once- You just have to lean in ... you know, because- Embrace
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: the chaos,
Dr. Ashley Gray: [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Yeah ...
Dr. Ashley Gray: where I am.
ision between leaning in and [:Like, is there signs in your body or, you know, do you hear [00:08:35] advice from your friends and family?
n because oftentimes I'm one [:can come out of nowhere and be from chronic [00:08:55] stress. That's one thing that happened with my second that I ignored and chalked up to [00:09:00] other things, and I realize now a year without working that, like, pretty much resolved itself. Wow. So [00:09:05] it can be as simple as, like, literally just on and off weird GI signs, um, from [00:09:10] stress.
our heart changes, you know, [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: convincing yourself- Yeah ... to, like, keep [00:09:25] going when- Mm-hmm ... in reality your body's like, "I'm tired."
Dr. Ashley Gray: Exactly.
's, like, a sign of burnout, [:Dr. Ashley Gray: it's your point where you have to decide what is worth [00:09:35] doing, what's worth n- not doing, and, um, just pivoting a little bit from there. [00:09:40] Because for me, the, at the time I only knew, yes, I was pregnant, but it was just [00:09:45] myself and my husband.
lives outside your body. Aw. [:Yeah,
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: yeah.
. Like, if most of your days [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: [00:10:25] Yeah.
. You know, that can, that's [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Wow ...
Ashley Gray: instead of, um, [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Yeah. I love the ownership- You can be tired and excited ... that you have there. You know? It's like, I chose this [00:10:45] life, and sometimes the choices that I make are really great for me and I lean in. Mm-hmm. And then other times, [00:10:50] like, you know, those moments where I pull back. Exactly. At EvolveVets we talk a lot about our authentic [00:10:55] values, and we try to structure them in a way that we can make decisions for our [00:11:00] life, like lean in- Mm-hmm
pull out, you know, or lean back, I guess.
Dr. Ashley Gray: Yeah.
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Um, [:Dr. Ashley Gray: that.
what, um, are your authentic [:Dr. Ashley Gray: [00:11:20] Yeah, like, I think a big one for me that evolved with having children was quality time [00:11:25] and really feeling that, like, social connection. Um, because prior to kids, it's with [00:11:30] friends, it's with your- Yeah ... your partner, your family. And then when you have kids, you realize, you know, [00:11:35] they look up to you for everything.
value for me is them feeling [:I say grief in, like, a... It is in a positive way, but- It's
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: like a release. It's a release, yeah.
Dr. Ashley Gray: You're releasing an old
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: [:Dr. Ashley Gray: Because you have this identity, and then you have kids, your identity completely changes. And I think [00:12:10] women go through it more strongly than men, because we physically carry- Yes
and grow these [:Um, and so that was big for me, [00:12:35] you know, is just I don't want to blink and life has gone by. Because we all know it's, [00:12:40] when you're younger, it feels like it's so slow. You know, when you're zero to 18, it's like the years feel like they [00:12:45] drag, and then after that, it's just It's Christmas tomorrow.
hany Weinheimer: Yeah, yeah, [:It just goes by so fast. It's so fast.
d it's even faster when it's [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Quality time's a huge value Huge one ... yeah. And it, it makes sense 'cause you're such a [00:13:00] personable person- Mm-hmm ... that you would want to have that deep connection with- Yeah ... with your [00:13:05] girls, you know?
Dr. Ashley Gray: Exactly.
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Mm-hmm. So sweet. I love that. So
or me, something had to give [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: what did that look like? [00:13:20] Was it a specific scenario where you were distracted with tasks at work?
[:Dr. Ashley Gray: It was really hard because it was honestly, it was once... You know, [00:13:30] when I had one child, I felt like it was a lot easier to juggle it all because you can [00:13:35] kind of more easily go back and forth with your partner or family if you have it close by. We [00:13:40] didn't, so we were- Yeah
Um, but we made it work, and [:Our second- [00:14:00] Yeah ... was, was born with a congenital abnormality that we were not expecting. Her esophagus [00:14:05] wasn't connected. Um, so she had surgery on day three of her life. And so, [00:14:10] you know, I'd kinda gone through that year at work and was expecting, "Okay, I'll go on leave. I'll come back. [00:14:15] Things will be, you know, kosher."
ddenly have a child with now [:Amazing. But I [00:14:35] could just see. I was like, "You know, I'm gonna come back to work, and this is gonna be really hard." Wow. I could feel it. I [00:14:40] knew that now emotionally with two, just on top of having two different children, you [00:14:45] know, it's just, it's a lot in general to juggle that, and then to have work [00:14:50] plus now all the medical, I could tell that it was gonna be a tough year.
Yeah. Yeah. That's a lot to, [:Dr. Ashley Gray: It,
, two kids- I can definitely [:Dr. Ashley Gray: challenges ... a lesson I have learned is that I probably should have started therapy, [00:15:10] like, right away.
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Yeah.
at's like, I'll just talk to [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: That's a perfect form of meditation.
Dr. Ashley Gray: Yeah. [:Um, but you know, those were [00:15:30] great, but I do realize now that a year's gone by, um, since all that medical chaos, that [00:15:35] it just ... I, I needed a th- like, someone licensed who could talk to me [00:15:40] through it. So I feel that when you feel like things are getting overwhelming, having an [00:15:45] outside person can really be helpful.
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Yeah,
just marriage. I've, I have [:So that was something I, I [00:16:05] would say that I could have done better at that I didn't do until later, and that was a regret [00:16:10] of mine. It probably could have helped me.
ow, veterinary professional, [:that choice, you know? Yeah. To do it or not to do it.
ould say it never hurts just [:And then it also allows you to try out a couple, um, [00:16:45] because you may not vibe with your first therapist. Right. Um, and also finding one that leans into your [00:16:50] interests. Like, for me, I wanted someone who was comfortable with mothers, like women going through ... [00:16:55] I, I didn't necessarily have postpartum, but that deal with those types of issues and [00:17:00] understand them so that I could have their perspective and know that this is something they're passionate about.[00:17:05]
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Mm.
Dr. Ashley Gray: I love that.
who feels like she's barely [:Code Blue Coaching is not about quitting veterinary medicine. You've [00:17:35] already invested a quarter million dollars or more in your education, and there's [00:17:40] also been time, energy, love, and compassion given to vet med [00:17:45] too. This is about reclaiming yourself inside of vet med instead of giving up on it. [00:17:50] Over six months, I partner with you and hold your hand as we identify [00:17:55] patterns keeping you in survival mode.
the perfectionism loop that [:So what you get is accountability, nervous system tools, and [00:18:25] a true hand-holding pattern that will help you through with a white glove experience. And [00:18:30] if you've been waiting for permission to choose yourself, now is the time. [00:18:35] Make that extra moment to prioritize you so that way you can sustain your career in vet [00:18:40] med.
urious, go to evolvevets.com [:Dr. Ashley Gray: learn more and book a alignment call with me, so that way we can better [00:18:50] discuss if this is the right next step for you. I hope to see you in there, and that we can stop this code blue [00:18:55] moment.
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: So did it, did it take you a while to find the right therapist?
I
found someone right away. I [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: been the
Dr. Ashley Gray: one. 90 Day Fiance. 90 Day Fiance
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: visa.
Dr. Ashley Gray: Clicked [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: things. Exactly.
Dr. Ashley Gray: It's, it's just, it's so me.
inheimer: It's an intuition. [:Mm-hmm. We're reading body language. There's [00:19:30] an energy that we share with them. Yeah. And it gives us this ability to be like, "This is, uh, this [00:19:35] is gonna work or this is not gonna work," very, in a very quick amount of time, or at least that's what I find for myself. I agree. And [00:19:40] it sounds like you might have that-
Dr. Ashley Gray: I definitely have it, and I
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: don't fight it
skill, too. You know, I just listen to it. Yeah, don't fight it. You're like, okay. And
Dr. Ashley Gray: when I have [:Um, I think that if I'd set up better frameworks, like therapy early, [00:20:05] um, working out more. Like, I just totally ignored myself- Hmm ... which is very common for [00:20:10] women, is we're caretakers. We wanna be, you know, there for our family, and so we take the [00:20:15] back burner. Um, and so just between it all, I let myself go in that year, and [00:20:20] in that process, um, I started to not recognize myself, you know?
Yeah. Like, [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Yeah ...
ng- So a year ago last month [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: you
Dr. Ashley Gray: chose to reside- ... to reflect back, 'cause when I moved to just stay-at-home mom- Yeah ... for, like, six months. So
ny Weinheimer: you went from [:Dr. Ashley Gray: two toddlers
two
ethany Weinheimer: toddlers. [:Dr. Ashley Gray: Had one-year-old bossing
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: me
Dr. Ashley Gray: around.
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: What was that transition like? A one-year-old is now your boss.
Dr. Ashley Gray: It wa- [:[00:21:00] W- we were in the ER, and I was just, like, a puddle. I was like, "I can't do this anymore." Oh. [00:21:05] Like, I just, I feel like I'm not giving enough to my team, um, and what they [00:21:10] need, and I'm not doing enough for my family. I just felt, like, so pulled thin, and I'm like, "This isn't [00:21:15] how it's supposed to be." You know, like, having kids is supposed to be an exciting life moment, and you [00:21:20] never know what you're dealt, you know?
u're in my boat with a child [:Mm-hmm. You know, like, I, I do feel if I had been working as a veterinarian, I could have [00:21:45] more easily handled a, a swing to part-time, but I felt like it just had to be a hard [00:21:50] cut. I'm not gonna take on another job. I'm just gonna let myself simmer- Yeah ... [00:21:55] process what happened. And so the identity crisis came in.
ow, spending your whole life [:I'm grateful I have a [00:22:15] job or I could come back tomorrow and find a job. But my [00:22:20] kids cannot come back and find another mom. Like, I'm always gonna be- Wow ... their mom. I [00:22:25] birthed them, and I'm here for them, and I want them to have, like, the full me and not the [00:22:30] me that's, like, pulling from an empty cup all the time.
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Wow.
it unfortunately took, like, [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Yeah, shout [00:22:50] out to all the-
Dr. Ashley Gray: Like- ... single parents out there
re are ways, you know, where [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Yeah. Yeah. Find your [00:23:10] community. Find people that you can rely on- Yeah ... to really go deep and better [00:23:15] understand, like, what you're experiencing and- Mm ... just so you know you're not alone.
Dr. Ashley Gray: Exactly.
there ever any moments that [:Dr. Ashley Gray: I think so. I mean, in general, just doing the [00:23:25] social media thing, that was a big identity crisis of, like, "Are people even gonna care what I say [00:23:30] now?"
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Yeah, yeah. That's actually
eah ... on my In- Instagram, [:Well, now I'm, like, at [00:23:45] home," and not everyone cares about what, um, family life is like. You know, maybe you're just [00:23:50] not in that chapter, or you don't wanna have kids. But that was a big identity crisis of just, like, [00:23:55] what do I ... How do I juggle that? Yeah. Um-
ow on the platform? Like, w- [:Dr. Ashley Gray: general, you know, I like be- the general practice brain in me has come out where I, I have [00:24:05] liked reminding
that remind pet parents and, [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Yes
Dr. Ashley Gray: having [:And we euthanized it, [00:24:45] and that's just, like, heartbreaking. And I remember being like, "Oh, this has gotta get better," right?
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: [:Dr. Ashley Gray: yeah. Like, how do we do it? And so that's been one anchor is just something I can do is create [00:24:55] shareables that can bring education out to the world. And then the other side is just [00:25:00] trying to find the motherhood balance of sharing the mental health side, the, um- [00:25:05] having NICU children and just how important it is to advocate.
Um- [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: I love it when they do that- Yeah ... actually. I'm like, "Oh, yeah, the, the machine is beeping. Let's check on that." [00:25:20] Exactly. Like, because- Or, "Oh, you notice the breathing changed?" Or, you know, 'cause at vets- We're only human
... with their pet the whole [:Dr. Ashley Gray: whole
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: life ... whole life, whole life. Yeah, so
ah. You know, like, they are [:And so that's [00:25:40] really changed my brain to pets, where you're like, you know what, like, that is so important and we need [00:25:45] to keep growing that and allowing that trust to build between pet parents and, [00:25:50] and the veterinary community. Um, so I try to bring that bridge together, keep it positive, and then of [00:25:55] course, yeah, just the motherhood stuff.
hat I can, because I want m- [:Um- Oh, yeah ... they are ... [00:26:20] I mean, man, have I realized what a reactive human I am. And then you have these little toddlers [00:26:25] tantruming around you, and you're like, "I am a toddler."
ening? Oh my gosh. I need to [:Dr. Ashley Gray: so sad. I know. And so it's, like, so [00:26:35] humanizing- Yeah
oh, my gosh, I gotta work on [:breaking the generational quote [00:26:55] unquote "trauma"-
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Yeah ...
to change how we parent. And [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, that's a lot of the [00:27:10] meditation work that we do inside the membership is, like- Love that
ding how your inner child is [:And kind of that guilt that might come- Mm-hmm ... with that [00:27:35] transition from being full-time practice and, you know, a hospital ru- like, owner [00:27:40] to, you know, an at-home mom, like that guilt that comes with that. I'm sure there's like a journey of saying [00:27:45] like, "Hey, I'm still a worthy and smart, amazing- Absolutely
And like that's the evolved [:Joe Dispenza always talks about like you can't believe [00:28:05] every stupid thing your brain thinks because your brain is gonna, it's gonna come up with all these random thoughts. But it's [00:28:10] our job to like tailor-
Dr. Ashley Gray: Mm-hmm ...
Yeah ... when we have those [:Like, I am smart, I'm empowered, I'm a [00:28:20] great mom, and like this is the life I'm gonna bring to my kids because I'm making this choice and this [00:28:25] decision.
Dr. Ashley Gray: Exactly.
the journey, so I'm curious, [:What ha- Like, how does it feel? What's [00:28:40] your energy? Like, what has changed for you? Yeah. Like taking this quick pause.
That's a good question. So I [:It was really good to pull our one-year-old out. She was getting a lot of illness from full-time [00:29:00] daycare. And with her- Right ... having a, um, collapsing trachea and these different changes, it just [00:29:05] wasn't going well for her. So honestly, going, being able to pull her out of [00:29:10] school and control her environment, that in itself helped me mentally just to feel like, okay, [00:29:15] I can breathe a little bit.
t bigger, heartier, focus on [:Like, [00:29:35] "Ugh, I'm giving up on this career." Yeah. Like, what do people think of me? Like my team probably thinks I [00:29:40] abandoned them, which I guess to a degree I did, but at the same time, I did what was right for me. You know, I just, [00:29:45] I had all these thoughts spiraling. Yeah, yeah. But I would just kind of push them down and, um, [00:29:50] obviously talk them out, um, with therapy.
kind of just really remember [:So got through all that and, um, [00:30:15] got through, I guess around like the fall is when I decided, "You know, I'm kinda antsy to like [00:30:20] add something back in." So I did take a role with, um, the NCVMA, North Carolina [00:30:25] Vet Med Association, helping them do social media, blog writing. Writing [00:30:30] is my passion, so I was able to- Yeah
tive side a little bit. And, [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: me to the park."
... run a hospital, and now [:You know, when they are tantruming on the floor, like I'll get on the floor and [00:31:15] like be like, "Ah, I know. It's so hard."
th you. I'm with you on this [:Dr. Ashley Gray: then- You're not alone ... you know, get up and talk it out. And, um, just try to, you know, when [00:31:25] they're struggling with something be like, "You know, I struggled with that too when I was your age," and just trying to be like a really, [00:31:30] um, understanding person.
e pre-me, when I was working [:Yeah. It was just I was so distracted all the [00:31:55] time. And so really this last year has been just leaning into these little moments, you know, enjoying a [00:32:00] slow morning with coffee and coloring and doing little things like that because- [00:32:05]
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Aw ...
Dr. Ashley Gray: you know, leaning into the g- This is my nemesis. Like I don't know why I feel like-
[:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Like it should [00:32:15] be ...
months I was like Windex-ing [:on the glass." Little
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: fingerprints. Aw. So
Dr. Ashley Gray: [:Um, and get the help where you can. Absolutely. You know, when I was working full time it was like, we need someone to help [00:33:00] clean our house. Like, we thankfully could afford that- And that's great ... as well- Yeah ... you know, with two working parents. But then [00:33:05] once I stopped working I just, I take it over, you know?
But I'm not gonna detail the [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: lowering expectations, [00:33:20] how do you do that and how do you choose- It's easier said
Dr. Ashley Gray: than
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: done
your
Dr. Ashley Gray: slower,
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: your expectations on? I know, I'm like I need
Dr. Ashley Gray: to take [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: know.
to-dos [:I wasn't at number 10. And I remember my husband just being like, "You [00:33:40] don't have to do all this stuff, you know? Like, you don't." And I'm like, why do I put this pressure? [00:33:45] And I think it's just the classic type A overachieving personality when you work so hard, [00:33:50] like, trying to let go of that, that like, hey, you've accomplished the mountains.
u don't have to accomplish a [:Cooking was so stressful for me. Like, for some it's your stress reliever.
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Yeah.
Dr. Ashley Gray: For [:I [00:34:25] want it to be fun. That's what it's supposed to be.
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Yeah.
or your loved ones- Bringing [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Yeah,
t's been a, a passion that's [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: I love it.
That's
Dr. Ashley Gray: so- ... doing it with my daughters. Yeah.
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Aw, that's so f- so y'all cook meals together now?
y Gray: We do. Yeah. Uh-huh. [:Now me is just like, "Whatever, just sweep it in [00:35:00] the sink," you know? But it's just funny how it's something so little, but it's ... You just [00:35:05] have to tell yourself it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. You know, it's a little thing. Like we were talking, the am I gonna die [00:35:10] on this hill today? Like-
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Yeah ...
Dr. Ashley Gray: is this a hill I'm willing to die on?
any Weinheimer: Yeah. If you [:Inside the membership, you're gonna find race [00:35:40] approved masterclasses, vet reset meditations, live monthly [00:35:45] coaching with yours truly, and a community of women who actually get it. It's [00:35:50] not toxic positivity. It's not just another membership you sign up for. It's learning how [00:35:55] to manage your energy, protect your boundaries, and
uild a sustainable career in [:It's your choice to move from self-abandonment to self-devotion. [00:36:05] And the truth is you don't have to do it alone, my friend. Come evolve with us.
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: I [:And there was a moment that my team, like, really [00:36:25] wanted the crash cart to be different than, like, what I thought the crash cart should be like. And I just remember thinking [00:36:30] to myself, like, "Is this a hill I'm willing to die on?" Like, am I gonna lose, you know, their trust in [00:36:35] me because of a crash cart? And no, like, I really don't care about the crash cart.
do whatever y'all want with [:Yeah. It's a slowly letting go of, [00:37:05] yeah, okay, I'm ... This isn't, it, that big of a deal. I'm gonna let it go. Okay.
Dr. Ashley Gray: Yeah.
inheimer: I'm gonna delegate [:You're increasing your skills [00:37:20] of delegation.
Dr. Ashley Gray: Yeah.
ce where you can completely, [:Dr. Ashley Gray: that ...
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: with your kids, like you've been able to like find ways of empowering them, too?
It sounds [:Dr. Ashley Gray: exactly. 'Cause that, um, I wanna get back to [00:37:40] your other point, too, 'cause that was a really good one. Yeah. I can jump off. But- Yeah, please ... I agree with, with our [00:37:45] kids, you know, one of the ... Or I should say two of the things I've really worked on is talking to [00:37:50] them like they're an adult.
ge, right? We learn all this [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Oh, I
love that. Similar with our [:You know, talk to them like that. And I think sometimes we don't do [00:38:10] that, and I feel like that piece has been really helpful to our daughters is just we have these [00:38:15] open conversations, talk about things. I love that. Um, they have the French and the English, which is cool. [00:38:20] Yes.
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Oh, so cool.
em grow and, um, helps their [:And then on top of that, responsibilities, you know? Right. They wanna do these [00:38:30] things. They want to learn, and we're stunting them when we don't allow them to. And [00:38:35] sometimes it's just out of our own like, okay, this is gonna be a little harder if they do it. Slower, it's gonna take [00:38:40] longer. Yeah. Um, that's just been the big thing I've leaned into is like everything takes longer.
I'm [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: needed ... Yeah. They probably need a little extra time maybe.
Dr. Ashley Gray: Something fun came up.
r. Bethany Weinheimer: Yeah. [:Dr. Ashley Gray: But you know, just leaning into that with them, [00:39:00] um, is, is helpful for their growth and will help them, um, take on those [00:39:05] responsibilities, you know, sooner than they would if we're kind of like babying them- Yeah
per se. [:And so trying to find those [00:39:30] who wanted to learn and, and, and share, you know, share that load a little bit and, and help [00:39:35] them was important. And along those lines, I think one of the tough points for [00:39:40] me was getting feedback. I used to really prior to, I would say prior to [00:39:45] kids and then the early stages of kids, loved feedback and would take it to heart, and then something changed with [00:39:50] me.
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Yeah, yeah.
l, I think a lot of moms can [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Oh,
ns crank up post-kids. Like, [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: yeah.
shley Gray: Um, and just any [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: You're like, "Oh, it's so
Dr. Ashley Gray: sweet." From our dynamic.
And so [:Mm. And I struggled to, like, separate, like, [00:40:30] work, myself, and me. And I was also at the same time going through that identity crisis of like, [00:40:35] I'm not myself five years ago. I can't do the same things. And then [00:40:40] how do I delegate? How do I share the work? How do I understand that this feedback's coming [00:40:45] from a place of growth?
so in the weeds in that year [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Do you think that- The reason feedback can be so [00:41:00] challenging sometimes is because similar to the way we as vets see ourselves [00:41:05] as a veterinarian- Mm-hmm ... it's like pretty much who we are, that our self-worth is like so [00:41:10] tied to performing well at this title.
Yeah. Yeah.
Dr. Ashley Gray: Agreed.
ny Weinheimer: That's what I [:Dr. Ashley Gray: You
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: nailed
Dr. Ashley Gray: it.
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Right? '
y Gray: Cause I, I got kinda [:Yeah. And [00:41:40] I realize now, like it was just I, I was too hard on myself too, I'd [00:41:45] say. And then also it's just people can easily write something down that [00:41:50] they maybe wouldn't say a week later or to your face or whatever, and it [00:41:55] doesn't invalidate what they say. It doesn't invalidate you taking the feedback, but I think it's important to remember this is one [00:42:00] static point in time.
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Yep.
that moment, wrote it down, [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Right
Dr. Ashley Gray: back.
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Yeah. That's very true.
Dr. Ashley Gray: [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: I think it's, um, I think it's so interesting when we think about feedback, especially [00:42:30] in our perfectionistic, high achieving, you know, type A, type A [00:42:35] professionals- Mm-hmm ... that usually land in vet med, and a- pretty much all areas of medicine, if we're being honest. [00:42:40] And when we think about this concept of perfectionism- Mm-hmm
[:Because or I [00:43:00] would reject it immediately. Mm-hmm. in your mind, your nervous system as a perfectionistic- Protecting you ... prote- it prote- it [00:43:05] protects you. Mm-hmm. And it's not that you're trying to be unaware or not self-aware. [00:43:10] Like, truly your nervous system is built so that way it finds ways to reject the [00:43:15] feedback.
bably, like, three to seven- [:Dr. Ashley Gray: Yeah ...
s reinforced over time, like [:et cetera, et cetera. And so it compounds on that belief that, [00:43:35] like, you have to be perfect to be successful. And so as I think about [00:43:40] our membership, and we're gonna be launching a course on this, um- Mm-hmm ... coming up here this summer for our Wint- Exciting ... our [00:43:45] Summer Revolution, which I'm really excited about.
eone through this journey of [:Dr. Ashley Gray: Mm-hmm
ent. The other part I see in [:the person who's a perfectionist and maybe- Mm-hmm ... missing that self-awareness, right? So it's like an [00:44:25] automatic rejection. And from the other side of giving the feedback, it's not being super clear.
Dr. Ashley Gray: Yeah.
Weinheimer: So it's kind of [:[00:44:35] Because- I like that ... it's kind of this imbalance. And so the meditations that we're, we've built out, or I've [00:44:40] built out are really structured around this idea of, like, can we make it safe in your nervous [00:44:45] system- Mm-hmm ... to give and receive feedback, and how can we do that in a way that makes you feel a little bit more confident, [00:44:50] and disassociate your identity- Mm-hmm
from the feedback itself.
Dr. Ashley Gray: I love
einheimer: that. I love your [:Dr. Ashley Gray: Mm-hmm ...
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: take it, right? It's like the Christmas present that you get from grandma and, like- Yeah.
sometimes you're like, "Wow, [:ask all your other doctors, "Hey, is this something that you're seeing? Is this something I need to work on?" Mm-hmm. "What [00:45:30] times work for you?" You know, and really getting curious about it- Yeah ... instead of that immediate rejection that [00:45:35] usually comes with our, our perfectionistic type A style that we typically [00:45:40] see- Absolutely
able and- Yeah ... you know, [:Dr. Ashley Gray: hard ...
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: of being a leader, you know?
Ashley Gray: I mean, it was [:Yeah. Because on top of that, you [00:46:00] have different personalities, so there's, you have to navigate that, how you give it, when. I [00:46:05] think that was the hardest part of a 24/7 business is, like, I didn't always know... Like, [00:46:10] I kinda wanted to just, like, roll and keep things going and share things pretty efficiently, but sometimes someone's not there [00:46:15] for, like, two weeks.
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Yeah.
then they're out, and so you [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Yeah.
ly struggle with that, and I [:And, like, you, I learned through the fails, and it [00:46:35] helped me find ways forward with- Mm-hmm ... you know, specific people. But it, it's [00:46:40] tough. So it's definitely- That is tough ... something that requires, in my opinion, extra work. Like, d- what you're doing is [00:46:45] great because, you know, I did read the books, I did do, you know, the training, but it's a [00:46:50] continuous journey.
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: It is.
se you're gonna get it, too, [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: at the time. Yeah, that totally makes sense. When... [00:47:10] So if you were to give advice to- Mm-hmm
vet or woman in medicine who [:Dr. Ashley Gray: [00:47:25] I, I think the big thing is, and I segued into it with my, you know, [00:47:30] experience, was you can't treat everyone the same.
ed to spend the time getting [:Be like, "Hey, look, this isn't, this is just us talking. I wanna support [00:47:55] you, but I wanna do it on your terms." Um, I think it's really important to try to do things on [00:48:00] your people's terms-
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Yeah ...
at things can change year to [:resetting with [00:48:15] everyone and just remembering, like, hey, let's see where they are, what they want, where things [00:48:20] are, and that could have really helped, um, make some more stronger relationships after that. [00:48:25] But that was probably my biggest fail, was just not continuing the, the check-in on it because [00:48:30] you feel like, hey, we're in a rhythm.
ned, having kids changed me. [:Because, you know, as a leader, our ultimate goal, right, is to help everyone be [00:48:55] happy in their job, wanna come to work, feel supported. Um, and so you wanna keep [00:49:00] growing that.
foster that really long-term [:Yeah, I t- completely agree.
r. Ashley Gray: So really, I [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Yeah ...
Dr. Ashley Gray: as a, as a group.
leading a team, and during a [:And- Mm-hmm ... it's like, "Of course. [00:49:30] Like, you know, Tuesdays are slow anyway." Yeah. "Of course, I'd love to give you Tuesday. The, you know, you, you're happy to work [00:49:35] more- Mm-hmm ... weekends. Like, let's- Yeah ... give you this Tuesday, like, block so that way you can have some [00:49:40] consistency- Yeah, do something you're passionate about
d your wellbeing- Mm-hmm ... [:Mm-hmm. And how you give the feedback is so [00:50:00] different, and you learn and evolve your feedback style over time, and it's never consistent. Yeah. As many [00:50:05] times as I had to give feedback to people, it's never the same. And then even, like, g- [00:50:10] receiving it always feels different. You know, it's just really knowing and understanding who you are- Mm-hmm
that you're [:and it is emotional, it's hard, and it's okay to be sad when- Yeah ... you receive [00:50:35] those, those- And we
Dr. Ashley Gray: should feel it.
ess those emotions, and then [:Mm-hmm. It's not gonna be day and night. Mm-hmm. Again, it's [00:50:45] a journey of slowly letting things go, slowly formulating- Exactly ... and building stronger muscles- Mm-hmm ... so that way you [00:50:50] can be the best leader and most authentic veterinarian, so that way you can have a long, [00:50:55] sustainable career too. And acknowledging- Mm-hmm
le career also requires- You [:Dr. Ashley Gray: exactly.
e you- Mm-hmm ... were doing [:Dr. Ashley Gray: Mm-hmm.
his podcast all say the same [:they always came back to it, and-
at ... We're honestly, like, [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Completely
to have something out there [:You know, I think that's a big [00:51:45] just remembrance for everyone is, like, there's always gonna be something else out there for you. So if you [00:51:50] feel like maybe what will help you is a change in your job, like that could be [00:51:55] all it is Then try it. It doesn't need to be a, a full me, full stop, you know?
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Yeah.
Dr. Ashley Gray: [:Like I'm finally feeling fit and healthy.
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Yeah.
Dr. Ashley Gray: It only took five years. It only took five years.
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: And [:Dr. Ashley Gray: my oldest is
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: five. But you got there. You got there.
feel like my spark is back. [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Yeah. Oh. I did. Yeah, but it's back now, and you're shining bright.
Feels back, yeah. [:Dr. Ashley Gray: I feel like the, the best [00:52:35] advice is to ask for more.
You know, if you're working [:Right. Just you're doing this to kinda grow a [00:53:05] passion, learn, and then see where that takes you. Because I think we forget sometimes, we focus [00:53:10] so much on the medicine and the day-to-day grind that there are other aspects of this field [00:53:15] that can keep us really motivated. Because for me, it was mentorship.
Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Yeah.
Dr. Ashley Gray: Um, [:That was my very first [00:53:40] leadership role. Aw, I love that. Um, so asking for something to just explore. Explore. And then it could [00:53:45] turn into a, a new role, a new job, additional compensation. But just don't be afraid if [00:53:50] something really is ex- exciting you or you see a concern within your hospital that you wanna [00:53:55] improve.
Just go out there- Chase after it ... and try to chase it. Yeah. I love that. And see where it takes you.
y Weinheimer: I love it. So, [:Dr. Ashley Gray: [00:54:05] Yeah, so feel free to follow me @southernpetvet, um, [00:54:10] @vetsontherise. Um, they're both on Instagram.
d would just love to connect [:Dr. Bethany Weinheimer: Yes. Awesome. Well, Ashley, thank you so much for being here. It's been a [00:54:25] pleasure getting to hear more about your journey as a leader, taking this pause, being a [00:54:30] mom in vet med and what that feels and looks like, and then also, like your feedback [00:54:35] stories have been so inspiring.
eciate you. Thank you. Yeah, [:Let's evolve together