Welcome back to Dont get this Twisted

In this conversation, Robb and Tina discuss the significance of support systems in personal growth, emphasizing the roles of friends and family in providing emotional support and life lessons.

Explicit

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And welcome to another show of Don't Get This Twisted. am Rob along with my co-host as always Tina. How you doing, Tina?

I'm hanging in there Rob, it's a pretty good day. It's beautiful outside and I'm off so.

Yeah, it's not not. It's it's not going to be soon, just so you know, don't. Oh, it's supposed to rain by the end of the weekend or by the end of the week. Oh, yeah, it's and it's going to get cold. Yeah, let's see. So Thursday rain 66, Friday rain 59 and then no more than 68 for about a week.

Wait, what do mean?

What? Nobody told me this.

Really?

Okay.

Which is which is good because yesterday I I went through my my storage area. I always like to call it my shed, but I live in an apartment, so it's my little storage. But. The. I started it. Because, you know, you know, they tell you about like five years, if you have had something for five years and you don't use it, you throw it away.

And I kind of believe that with the exception of like personal shit like You can't throw away yearbooks Because you know what mean, but I did get I got rid of a bunch of shit like three box loads full of shit Just to start clearing out. I'm gonna do the inside the rest of the week I'm gonna go through my closets and just clean up Yeah, because I'm looking like you know if my boy ever leaves I might

Right.

Nice.

leave right I might consolidate get smaller whatever it is so just start now but I started right and I had and I'm not joking I had like 10 boxes on my patio all open and shit open and tossing things everywhere and then by the time I knew it I looked up and it was 87 degrees outside and I was wondering why like I was dripping with sweat and then then

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

My boy came to the slider door and he woke up late yesterday, like 11 a.m. He leans his head out the window and goes, you having a manic time? I'm like, no, I actually kind of planned this. He's like, right. And then just walked away. I mean, it did look like I was having some like manic, you know, crazy because there was just shit everywhere, but I don't know.

Hehehehehe

funny.

I thinned it out and I reposition things in there and kind of so I think it's an easier thing to get into now. Yeah, so not too bad. Mm-hmm.

Nice. Yeah, I was on the bike yesterday in just a t-shirt and then my jeans. Normally we wear, you know, sweats or...

I have a Harley jacket or something. We wear something over our clothes. But yesterday was so beautiful. I was like to hell with that. I just had my t-shirt. tied a I tied my flannel around my waist so that my t-shirt didn't end up at my armpits because that window blow it right off of you sometimes. But yeah, I was just in a t-shirt and my jeans and went all over with my friend. We were we were on the bike all afternoon and

Well, you're right.

I opened up

It was amazing. Even last night I was sitting outside talking to a friend and it was not cold. It was just a really nice warm, warm breeze night. It was a good day yesterday.

Well, I closed my house around noon and put the air conditioner on for a little while because it was hot and then I opened up my slider and it was like 74 out and I was like wow like this is the wildest weather crazy Right. Yeah. Well, we're gonna get some we're gonna get some 60s here this week. So Right. Yeah speaking of I

Yeah.

Yeah, we needed this over the summer.

We got a weird summer.

Well, I'm still wanting to wear my new sweats, so bring it on. You know when new sweats got that fuzzy, that really fuzzy inside? I live for new sweats, so I've bought some two months ago and I still haven't worn them, but for more than two hours.

I actually need to buy some. Yeah, so. No, but like, you know, during the wintertime, I take my dog to the dog park in the morning. And it's like.

Mmm.

We don't really need all that many though living where we live.

you definitely do.

Last year it was 38 degrees. So it's like, yeah, I should probably. I should probably get some. Yeah.

Yeah. Yep.

get some warm clothes. You know it's funny but warm clothes for here is not warm clothes for other places because when I used to go back east my warm clothes for here didn't do squat. So I don't know whether weather changes what you're gonna be wearing but sweats for here work well. Yeah.

Correct. Yeah, I think it's a good idea. Yeah, it's a good idea to...

It is.

At least have have a couple of pairs of sweatpants just to make sure you have them. So we were talking before we got on about how friends can kind of help us through trauma times. I thought, hey, we should probably talk about that because I kind of believe it's true. think that whether you're going through it, like at that

time or just in general where you can call and just talk to somebody. You know it's always nice to have the people in our lives that can do that. I think just like you, we seem to be the people that a lot of people lean on like I always get calls from people that are like

Mm-hmm.

Absolutely.

Hey, I'm going through this. It's like, yeah, that's right. Which look, I'm definitely not complaining. But sometimes I need it.

No, I... Yeah. No, I think that friends need to depend on one another for that. Like, family is where you learn your lessons, but your friends is where you find your grace. Like, you find, you know, like-minded people, you find somebody that actually cares about you, that's not tied up in anything there-to-there because they want to be. I think that that's where you find your happy is with your friends.

Correct. And I think that mostly close friends.

Generally are. The ones who kind of already know your story. You know what I mean? Like. They're not shocked when you call and say. Hey, I need to talk to you about this. Most of the time they're like, yeah, or they'll like with you and me. Will just ask right when we start talking. Hey.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Like what's going on and you know, is there anything or if one of us say something that's open ended, me and you generally just go, okay, what's, you know, what's going on? So I think that there's a lot to that as well. Look, it's important to have people that you can lean on in times of need.

Yeah.

Absolutely. I am. I'm finding that.

Keep going.

just living in my world means that things that I did when I was married I can't do anymore or I shouldn't do or it doesn't fit my world anymore or I don't have to worry about it just because it's not even an issue but I found that I the person that I became in that relationship is the person that I am now and it's not serving me anymore so

Having I had a friend just come into my World and want to hang out and was like, whoa. Whoa, wait a minute. Where's all of this coming from? Like I guess because I had never said anything They didn't know where I was and they were like you've been going through all of this and not saying a damn word like What the hell's wrong with you and why? I literally got told how can I?

How can I trust you with our friendship if you don't trust me with our friendship? And so basically open up and start freaking talking and and I didn't even realize I was doing that because I i'm so used to being in a certain place and You know, I stay in my lane and just stay there, but I didn't realize that that I was neglecting My friendship by not

It is nice when that happens. When someone...

telling people things by not showing up. You know, I was there for them, but I didn't allow them to be there for me. And that's been kind of interesting.

It's nice when you could do it, but I didn't realize I was shut off to that. Like I don't I wasn't even looking for that, you know.

I mean to be fair I think a lot of us just don't. You know what I mean? We like to... We like to think that we're not indestructible because I don't think that that's what I'm trying to say.

Yeah.

But I just think a lot of us think that we can just do it ourselves. .

Well, I think for me, I let people talk first. So when we go out to lunch or we go wherever we're going, or they'll call on the phone, I want to hear from them. So I'll listen to them. And then when they're done talking, they've forgotten that they didn't they didn't even ask me how I was doing or what's going on with me, because I will talk. I just don't start. And the reason I don't start is because most of the time people want to tell me something. So I just go with that and then end up

they don't hear it or they got the end of the story. They're like, why didn't you say you were going through this? I because we talked about I'd rather talk about you than deal with my own shit. If you really want to know the truth, you know, like, you know, it's it's better that way to, you know,

Right.

I don't know. I know what I'm processing. I know what I'm going through and and I I pretty much know how to fix things in my life. It's nothing so out of control that I can't but at the same time I didn't realize that I was not allowing people to get close to me because I was shut off. Who knew? I didn't know. You know, I was just doing what I do because

Right. Because that's you.

There have been times, yeah, yeah, and there have been times in my life where just, you know, I didn't feel like I was important enough to say anything because nobody was really checking in anyway. I just dealt with it all myself. But that's it's totally true. It's not right to do that to your friends because they can't be there and they can't be support. I know one of my besties, she got really mad at me because I got in a car accident and I just wouldn't even ask her for a ride.

And I needed one and I didn't ask her, but I'm not trying to mess with her while she's working because she's really trying to do what she does. I don't want to, you know, derail her, her stuffs, but I did. I got in trouble for that. And I understand because I'm the first person she would call and I always show up. So she's like, you didn't give me the option. And I'm like, you're right. You're right.

Wow.

Right.

I didn't. I did not. I won't do that again. But who knew that she'd even have a problem with that? I didn't. I'm always grateful when somebody spares me from having to do stuff for them because I got a long list. So I didn't. I don't know.

No.

But I'm noticing that friends, when you really got good ones, they do want to know. And they do okay with you being messy because they're your friends. And I need to start, I guess, being more messy. Not messy, because I don't know, I think I'm too old for that shit too. But just showing up with my shit too and just saying, well, this is what I'm going through. I need to do that more.

Right. you

Yeah, I look I think it's just a great idea to have people who are willing to Always be there when you really need them and And look a lot of us have that I I don't want to I just think a lot of us don't

Yes.

Use that to our advantage. I think a lot of us just kind of go, this is just the way it is and you know, well, like, okay, but it's really not what I was talking about. I like when people, and I don't want to say call you out because I don't mean it that way, but it is nice when people

No.

that you know very well will be a lot more upfront. Because some people and sometimes me, like you need to hear it. Because I've talked about it, I've done some pretty dumb stuff. And when you do dumb things, I can...

totally understand that you may not, you may not want to hear it because in the moment you're, you know, you think you're doing the right thing. And I totally understand.

So what do you think about that, Tina? Like, you know, do you want to hear when you do dumb shit from your friends or?

No, never, no. Cause I know. And my friends, they're kind of like, okay, teen, well, you know what you're doing. Like, I can't even say anything to you because when you tell me what you're doing, you're like, I know this is dumb and I know I should be doing this and I should be doing that, but I'm not. And here's my story. And if you want to hear it here, you know, sit down. But if you don't, I don't really want to hear your opinions cause I already know.

Exactly. I'm kind of the same.

And I know I shouldn't be like that with them, but I can't help it. Because I do know when I'm being a dumbass. I mean, it doesn't take rocket science to know when I'm fucking up.

I've told you several times, like, I know I shouldn't be doing this, but... Right. you

And I'm like, well, go ahead then. Like, do your thing. I'm not going to. I don't know. I don't feel the need to stop my friends from from doing stupid things. And to be honest with you, I think we need to do more of them. There's you know, there's a whole life that we live and it's all these things that we won't or we shouldn't or we can't do. Well, why not? Why not do some of those things? I mean. See what happens next.

Yeah, and look I like to hear I like to hear both sides of every story I think Like look we like you said we all know if we're doing something that's Yeah, probably not smart I think that's the best way of putting it just like

I don't know, I kinda like that.

done.

Yeah, because at the moment we are feeling good about it. So it's it's easy to to justify your own crazy. Because I've had other people tell me things and I go, yeah, it's fucking dumb and but to them they're like, but no, but no, you don't you don't and that's my other favorite thing from I'm sure I say it and I'm sure.

Yeah.

People have said it to me, they go, but you just don't understand. From where I'm talking about, you're like, okay, yes, you're right. It is from where I'm talking about. So I think that thankfully, we're all always going to have our own point of view.

For sure. mean...

But it is nice when someone recognizes your trauma or your issues of the past, right? And sees them through, I don't want to say rose colored glasses, but I think sees things

She said it.

objectively. Right? They sit there because I was just talking to somebody today actually. And we were kind of talking, I sent a video, like a YouTube video to them and they were and then they came back to me and was like, well, you know, I kind of did that. And I was like, no, I'm from a certain point of view. Yes, I can see how someone might see that. But I go, you have a different story.

Yeah.

You know, there's there's always There's always well a certain point of view that's that that's one of my I'm one of my favorite Star Wars lines I know that it's I'm gonna have to get it cuz I don't want to quote it wrong, but it's like one of my favorite ones. basically

Layers. Yes.

Obi-Wan Kenobi Luke goes to him and goes, you know, you said that Darth Vader killed my father Not that he is my father. You know what I mean? And he goes well, he is from a certain point of view and and Luke's like a certain point of view and he goes you're gonna have to understand that the truths that we lean on are all seen from a certain point of view and

Since I've heard that, which was like in the fucking 80s, I kind of lean on that because it's true. know, everything is seen from a certain point of view and we hope it's ours. Because we want to hear that. We want to hear, yeah, you're right, not,

Right?

Well.

Yeah, I guess so.

You're out of your fucking mind for wanting to do that You know, it's that's just reality. I I look at it from that standpoint where I'm like, Because I'm I've thought some crazy shit in the past and been like maybe I should do this and I've had people go Well, that's a that's crazy. Like you shouldn't move to Las Vegas. What are you out of your mind? And it's like well, yeah, but you know

What are you going to do? So I think now. If I tell somebody I'm going to do something crazy. I don't I don't let it. Get to me that bad anymore, because I just think that it's it's insanity like yeah, you you have to do crazy shit and make mistakes. You just do.

yeah, okay.

I mean, and look, will some come back to haunt you? Without a doubt they'll come. And, here's the problem. When they come, they come screaming. They'll get you good. but that being said, I, I also believe that you, you have to live.

Yeah.

Like in my case, I'll use me as an example only because I did it for so long. I just didn't want change. Right. I just fucking hated it. I hated change. So I stayed in the same place for years and I didn't want to move and I, you know, I. Yeah.

I remember you being like that and I'd be like, why don't you want to do this? Why don't you want to do that?

I because you know, I'm one of those people who I just really enjoy. Not. I'm just complacent. It's like things are good. There's no reason there's just no reason to do it. And looking back on that now, it it very much hindered me in life.

Don't mess with him. Don't mess. Yeah.

Because I was just No Yeah, I I hated change I absolutely hated change so for me it's Now I just think that you absolutely absolutely have to live

Well, you definitely had to catch up. mean, even drinking like you wouldn't try to drink ever or you wouldn't you wouldn't I don't know. You didn't like school. You didn't like things. You didn't like change. That was for sure. Yeah. That's funny.

So like moving now, I just think that I would move in a second. I have no problem moving. Like the last time when I moved to where I live now, I just found that my company would take me. I packed up everything and fucking left. I didn't let things get to me this time. And I think now I would just continually do that.

For sure.

Raheem?

I just won't. I'm not going to let these small things bother me. you know, if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. There's, you have to have that mentality, I think now to just have the gumption or the balls to pick up shop and go or or

You

You know, whatever it is, whatever your thing is, like, just do it. You know, and, and hopefully we have the friends that will be there when it doesn't work. Cause it may not. You know what I mean? And I think that's the bigger thing is when you, you'll have the one person there at the end. It's like, I'm still here for you. I know it sucked. And, and what you thought was going to happen didn't.

Mm-hmm.

But you're fine. And to me, that's the biggest thing is having somebody there that's going to pick you up when the shit hits the fan. Because it does.

You know, I've my friends and I, do something completely different than what I used to do with old friends. And that is we're truthful with each other. Like we're not trying to, you know, put a stamp on anybody's delusions. We'll just say, well, you know, if that's what you want to do, cool. Like, let's see what happens. You know, I'm not opposed to letting you go through whatever it is you think you need. Like, that's just never been me. But,

Right.

Sure, like yeah, you should try it. Let's see what happens. And then they come back and you know, they'll say stuff like, why did you let me go through that? I'm like, I didn't let you. I was just being your friend. You want to learn the hard way. Here's an easy way to do that. You know, and let you do that. I don't...

Yeah. I'd rather hear that that, you know. I'd rather, I mean, you're, you with me, you're like, you know, you're the easy one.

With me, you're just like, go do it. Mm hmm. Correct, I totally agree now, I I wouldn't have.

Yeah, why not? Is anybody gonna die? If nobody's gonna die, let's do this because for me, that's the only thing that I found in this world that is gonna change something and that's death. Other than that, we're all walking around trying to figure out what the hell we're doing with this world. So do it. Do it and enjoy it. Like figure it out, you know?

30 years ago, I would have been like, no, we don't do anything crazy. Yeah, that's what I would have done. I totally would have, I would have talked myself out of everything. And it's funny, because you think back, like I think back to...

No... No...

Don't be stupid. Don't be stupid, stupid.

Yeah.

A friend of ours that I dated when I was like really young when I was 18 and I should have chased her Just so I could have said it didn't work You know and and I didn't and and look like life happens the way it's supposed to However, you want to you know, whatever your thing is

Yeah.

I don't know, you know, some people, I'm just kind of a believer in fate too. Like what happened was supposed to and, she ended up, you know, married with kids and did her thing, whatever, whatever your, know, however you want to, to, to put it. But I think if I had a choice, I would have made several choices in life. You know what I mean? Like I've shit to bet on a couple of things that if

that I should have fought harder for. And I probably would have been in a better place because of it. But I didn't. And I, I let lots of people out of my life I shouldn't have. Because I was just like, meh. Like, and sometimes you can't, you can't do that. You have to go, all right, this is worth fighting for. This is worth finding out what it is. This is worth whatever.

you

I so.

Because I didn't at 18 years old and I could have, I had a place to come back to. You know, like if I would have left, you know, I could have left and my dad would have been like, well, if it doesn't work, come home. And he probably wouldn't have had any problem with it because I ended up, you know, in an apartment with people and got evicted. And the first thing my dad said was, yeah, just come home. And he didn't even blink.

Right? Right?

Come home, yeah.

Like it wasn't even, you know, I told you it wasn't going to work for you. Didn't you? Nothing. Just come home now. But here's the funny thing. I didn't go home because I had my, you know, chip on a shoulder. I'm not going to go home. I, I need to show my dad that I'm, know, I can do it alone. And even that fucking blew up in my face. So. Look, there's.

Well, I think at that point, you know.

And did he tell you to come home again?

I ended up when I came home to California from Vegas, I kind of had, some waiting time until I could move in someplace. So I, I did 30 days with my best friend, which was, man, teen that was probably, man. We, we, and we, we drank.

You did 30 days, that's hilarious. I'd imagine your friends are kicking the pants, like you guys were funny together.

every day. And we would make like, we would go to the store and buy like a six pound pork roast and then make carnitas and eat it for days and just we would eat tacos at eight in the morning. Like it was, it was a crazy 30 days. Then I went and lived with my dad for 30 days, which was amazing because like, not that we had ever had like a horrible relationship, but we had some issues when I left.

you

so I squashed all that. It was, I, I left there with a much better relationship with my father, to this day. But I had changed. I was 40 years old. Like I wasn't a 20 year old kid. I was a grown man who had a child and you know, like I was just, it was a different time. So

Tina (15:21.447)

Good.

Yeah.

Yeah, I thought it was great. We we ended up with a great and he and he helped me with. We know whatever trauma I was going through. You know, even though it might have. Yeah, it was a it was a rough time coming home. And and then of course, like our relationship was just different. Like I came home and I helped him with stuff and. You know, it was just yeah, it was just a different time. So like.

Yeah, well you were going through a lot. That was not a an easy thing that you did. Yeah.

You wanted to.

People in our lives generally will help us through trauma when we're ready to accept it. I mean, yeah. It's important.

For sure.

For sure.

You know.

It's funny because life is not what we plan it to be and Oftentimes we'll do stupid things because they just they seem like they're a good idea. They're just not But when we do that, thankfully having friends around that will support you even when you're dumb because There's a lot of people in this world that won't

Mm-hmm.

But your friends, they'll be like, okay, well, you're going to go through this. Let's see how it goes. And I may sit and watch or I may back away, but I'm still going to be your friend. That's something that you really need to have that. And it's good that you can and that you do and that you could, you know, sit there and make those carnitas tacos at eight o'clock in the morning and you have your friends still.

Hmm.

Again, if you didn't die from it, anything could be fixed. Anything could be looked at. Anything could be, you know, changed or you could grow from. So why not put that in your friend's hands? Why not lick your wounds and let them see that you're not perfect? You know, because my friends are like, you never told me that. Here I thought you have a good life and you put your

Game face on and you and you go and you do and you're having a great time I didn't know you were broken inside when that was going on. You didn't share that with me. You didn't trust me enough to let me in and Now that I now that I see that They're absolutely right. I didn't and that's not that's not the way to be with your friends but who knew at the time that it was going on that that was what I was doing even and especially with

Right. you

Like I'm living with my dad again after years of not. And, you know, he told me the other day, he goes, I wouldn't be able to live here without your help. Now here I'm always like, yeah, I'm living with dad because, you know, I got divorced. I'm a big loser again. but it's it was divine intervention because I don't think I would have come home otherwise. And then, you know, who would be helping him if not me? That that wouldn't have made sense to me. So.

Right.

I don't know, I think even though we do stupid shit, I think it's, it's all a learning process. Everybody goes through it. We all have to, we all have to find our way and.

Mm-hmm. And look at the reality of like, you might have ended up there anyway taking care of him.

yeah, I would have been trying. I would have did what I did when my mom was alive. I would have been, you know, telling my my then husband to go home and get some rest and I'm going to stay until whatever time I stay with it. We wouldn't we I wouldn't have had a good relationship with him because I would have been running here, there and everywhere trying to make you know, dad happy at at the demise of my relationship because we went through a lot when when my mom was was at her worst.

And, you know, I think back of all the things that we had to go through as a couple just to kind of compensate for mom's issues that she was having. And it sucked. It really did. It wasn't it wasn't an easy thing. So I look at it now going this this is definitely easier than having to go back and forth or to have to worry about getting dinner on the table for my family or, you know, whatever it was that I was going through.

You

But it's still not easy. Like life is not easy because...

You know, I still have to take care of them. But now I don't have the support of having a husband. There's that too.

Correct. Yeah, but again, this is kind of the swing back around to, and this is why we need people that we can lean on. We need people that will

Right?

Either tell us what we want to hear because sometimes we need that and I know people hate to hear that but Definitely true like sometimes we just need somebody to go. Ah Yeah, you need this like oh, yeah, I kind of do Or you need somebody to give you the hard truth and and Slam me with some shit. You don't want to hear and

I, know, it's an important thing, I think on both sides, you just never know. But trauma is always going to be there. And I don't want to use that word like, you know, problems maybe or issues, because, know, I guess it all matters what your definition of trauma is. Yeah.

Well, trauma's got a different connotation to it, too. I don't know. I don't say that my stuff is trauma. It's just things that I'm going through in life. I try to underscore it instead of making it sound worse than it is just because if that's the case, I'm overwhelmed. So I try to not do that. But yeah, it is trauma. mean...

Yeah, just matters how you. Yeah, that's that's the reality of the world. We all have issues, things.

Just matters how you want to deliver it, you know, but.

No one has a perfect life. know, there's just lots of, you know, there's just lots. Yeah. My thing is, my biggest thing is make sure that you have someone to talk to and, and on the flip side, make sure that you're thinking before you deliver.

No.

There's just lots.

You know information to people know know who you're talking to so you don't send him deeper Yeah, because like I have a way of sometimes being a little too much And I can and I can say the wrong thing sometimes and I'm doing my best now to not do that Just be a little more

Know your audience, yeah.

Right?

gracious when I give information. But on the flip side, look, I think it's important that we help people or be there for someone because shit, life's hard enough.

It is it is for sure. I the reason that we brought this up is is I have a newer friend that that doesn't pull any punches like definitely he he's going to tell it like it is from the get-go and We don't have to be delusional. We don't have to You know, we don't have to lie I always say we don't have to lie to kick it and he laughs at me, but it's true like we're

we're both at a place in our lives where we are

We should just be honest, but you know in this world right now being honest comes with a lot of bullshit. So For me, I feel like it's It's uncomfortable because he is so open and honest like in a way that's like come on garcia Get your head out of your ass, you know It's that i'm getting it. He delivers it like that with me, but at the same time I think that it's good because

You

Nothing else has worked. I mean, if you think about it, everybody's told me things that they that they, you know, wanted to tell me or whatever. And Lord knows I was not paying attention to a lot of it. So I kind of like that he doesn't pull any bullshit with me. But at the same time, too, I'm like, fuck, now I got to deal with this. And everybody else was letting me get out of it, you know. But I'm I'm I'm really enjoying the.

You

the he's refreshing in that you're gonna hear it like he's just He's just gonna be honest with you and that's okay Because a lot of people will yeah a lot of people will sugarcoat it and you know You can't sugarcoat stuff with me because I'll be like yeah, it's not that bad. I'm gonna do it anyway Well, he's like are you kidding me? Like what are you thinking? Maybe I shouldn't do it. You know But who knew?

Yeah, I'm a fan.

Right.

Didn't even realize that I needed somebody to be really honest with me I didn't know and now that I have somebody that's really honest and and when I was telling him he always tells me things that he's going through and I never said anything so I finally told him where I was at with one thing one situation and he goes wow, I Didn't realize that you had you had just as much damage as I have

You

in my life and and he goes he goes now I kind of feel for you and I was thinking to myself did it sound that bad because I didn't think it was that bad but but you know what maybe it was and maybe he did need to say that so that I could be like maybe I should put a little more attention into myself and what's going on in my world

Right. Yeah, I kind of agree. My whole thing is this is that, you know, what we think

You know, it all matters, I guess, how you are like damage is a weird thing to me. Like, yeah, we're all we all have something that's broken. We just do like I'm. I'm not one to say like, I'm I have no issue. It's like, yeah, of course I do. Like we all have some kind of issue. But I also think that.

We have to look at our friends and go, okay, if you think you're alone in the world, you're not. Like we're just not like we all have our own shit going and some of us have never told anybody about that shit. So when it, when it finally comes out or someone finally says something to you, you know,

Remember that they're giving you. They're giving you a heavy, a heavy load. And when they give you that you have to. Sort of coddle it a little. You know, don't you just got to understand that that some people are telling you these things for the first time. And.

Right?

Yeah.

Yep.

And be ready for that because it it does suck to to feel like you're the only one going through something. It just does. And look, you're not. Don't don't worry about it. Don't don't feel bad if you have to tell somebody like. Hey, you know, this is this or this is that. You're fine.

We're all human, we all have our issues and just don't be afraid to lean on your friends. Life's hard enough and taking it all in on your own is rough. And I'm telling you just from a man's point of view, because I think that men generally have less friends. just, you know, look, find somebody.

Do it more.

My son has has really kind of leaned on me on certain things that I wasn't not that I wasn't ready for it because I'm always ready to hear from him, but it was nice to hear him say something and he was just like, what do you think? And I was like, OK, like, let me give you the my reality. You know. Because it was about girls and he was just like, go, look, this is.

I'm telling you how it was with me. And I have no problem telling him that, you know, look, I've shit to bet on stuff. Like, like, you know, me and his mom and this and that. It's like, look, it happens. don't be afraid to lean on friends. if you have friends that are ones like that, just continue to...

Yeah.

Let them give you a little support. you

and know that it's it's reciprocal like I'm the one that everybody leans on but I don't lean on anybody well that's a lot of weight to put on my own shoulders that I could be getting you know somebody's help too I could be you know working towards

Being different than I am be if I wasn't always supporting everybody else Not that I I won't support. That's that's not what I'm saying It's just when you have support when you get what you need you should you should absolutely run with it you you You can't do life any other way And you shouldn't you don't you don't have to it's not it's not a situation that's set up like that

100 % I and that's me. I have a way of

helping everyone and storing my own stuff up. So I'm doing my best not to. Mm-hmm.

Me too, me too.

And you shouldn't because it doesn't need to be all on our shoulders. It just doesn't. There's no there's no reason for it. But sometimes, you know, we'll do we'll do what we're going to do. And it normally means that that we're going to be holding the bag and I don't want to hold the bag anymore.

Yeah, me either. I'm too old for that shit. Yeah. I just want somebody to be super upfront and go, hey, this is it. And this is me. And help. You know what I mean? Like, that's what I want. I'm doing my best to not bullshit people anymore. And hopefully that...

Alright, I'm with you. I don't...

and help you. Exactly.

turns into better relationships and such. No, I don't, maybe I don't mean it that way. Just that I mean that it's a little more, I'm less, maybe I'm just very straightforward and a lot of people

I wouldn't say it's bullshitting them though. I wouldn't say that.

Don't like that? Right. Yeah.

You're a guy and guys speak differently to guys than how... because when I tell my friends something I'll be like, well, do you and I'll be here when you're ready to, you know, pick up the pieces or whatever or shit, I don't know, it may turn out great and you'll be like, Tina, you should have did it with me. But I'm not going to tell you, no, don't do it. I... part of me wants to see what the hell they're going to do, to be honest.

You know, I want to see how they're going to be. want to see what what happens. I don't want to I don't want to miss it. It's like a it's like reality TV sometimes. I just want to know what they're going to do in the moment. I'll watch it. But I know that I know that if we don't let people be who they are, they're going to they're just not going to be around us. So I'm all for watching the train wreck. And that's what I tell them. I'm like, I'll watch your train wreck. Let's go get me some popcorn.

Right.

Let's do this. it, you know, but again, if no, there's bad ideas all over the place and there's suffering for sure. But as long as you're not going to die doing it, why not give it a shot? You need to know.

Right. Right. And that's what I'm going to do from now on. I've kind of told myself I don't care. I'm going to I'm just going to throw shit to the wind and and try, try, try, because you're better off in the end. At least you know.

You gave it all you got.

Yeah, because like I said, I've had too many what ifs and what ifs suck. What ifs super suck?

Yeah, they definitely can suck. I remember when I was gonna adopt my daughter.

I went to my dad and I was and my mom and I was like, what do you guys think? Cause I was going to need help. I couldn't do it on my own. I mean, I had to work and everything. She needed to be picked up from school. She needed to have a family and I was wondering like, how should I, if I should do this, I was asking for guidance and I remember my dad saying, don't fucking do it. Don't do it because if you do it,

there you're gonna have you know this happen and that happen and and it's a selfless thankless job don't do it like he had he had already fostered one of my friends in school and he knew that it you know he was just like don't do it but then he said I know you're gonna do it anyway so let's see what you make of this and

So we did that too. You know, I went he was right. I was going to do it. I was going to do anyway. I Dad knows me and was he right about his his advice? Absolutely. He should have gave that out to 100 different people. And and I was the one that got it and didn't use it. But

The good part about life is that you can make mistakes, you can get through them, and luckily your people will still be there for you. And that's the great part of it.

Correct.

Just gotta make sure to keep on trucking.

Yeah, maybe that's it, I don't know.

You know? Yeah, I think at the end of the day, you know, as we close this out, you really just have to make sure that you, I would say, keep in contact with people and make sure that you're there just as they're there. You know, and realize that we all have feelings.

For sure.

Absolutely.

Sometimes I think that we, as people, don't remember that and then you realize afterwards that you've said something to somebody that you shouldn't have.

So.

Definitely. But you don't, you don't, I don't think anybody goes around trying to do things to hurt people from the get. It's just that sometimes we say things and I've heard, so the other day I, the same friend, I, he, he and I were not,

And a who?

We were apparently disagreeing. I didn't know that we were, but we were. And I guess I had said to him not even thinking was, well, I guess we could agree to disagree because friends do that. Right. And he's like, you shut me down. I wanted to argue with you about it. And I wanted to make my point. And you shut me down. I'm like, well, I'm sorry. I didn't even feel like I did that to you. And he goes, no, you were even subtle about it, which really pissed him off. And I thought it was funny because I was like,

Yeah.

I didn't even mean it like that. I was just saying, well, you know, we don't have to, we don't have to argue. It's, and I didn't realize that even saying that it did shut him down. did make him go, wow, that's, that was messed up that she did that to me. Like, why didn't she want to hear me? It wasn't that I didn't want to hear him. I just, I just didn't think we were going to agree on anything. So I stopped it.

Right.

Not knowing that I was stopping it, Shit, if you know me, I say stuff all the time, to be honest with you. And and and it is the truth as I see it. I'm not one to to not tell the truth, but maybe it's not your truth. But I'm not opposed to I'm not opposed to doing that. But it was it was kind of funny because he's like, yeah, you just shut me down. And I was like, I did.

Huh. Who knew? It- it- I didn't know what to say! But, it's gotta be honest. You gotta be honest.

I mean

Look You have to be honest Super honest and look at the end of the day if you stop something that shouldn't have been a disagreement in the first place That's a win That's a total win I I think most people me included need to realize that some shits just not worth arguing over

have to be.

Yeah.

And and then some shit is absolutely worth arguing over So look at the end of the day, I think we all Need to make sure that our our trauma bonds are are good with our friends that can help us with them Because I think they'll help us out of things sometimes that we don't want to listen

Yep.

You

And look, sometimes you're just not gonna, but they'll be there for you. That's, I think that's the most positive way we can look at things, I guess. Any last words for the show this week? Absolutely. And be ready for the reality of your friends. Because they're...

It's okay to lean on people and it's okay to open up and let them know what's going on.

Be ready for them to tell you you're freaking crazy cuz they will cuz they're your friends

They will. And you know what? Sometimes it's the best thing that they do. Check us out on all the socials. You can hear this show everywhere. Thanks for last month. It was amazing and we're still getting some really good traction. Keep sharing and it's an opinion show. Don't get it twisted. Keep coming back every Wednesday. I'm Rob. That's Deena. We'll talk to you Bye.

Yep.

See ya.