Get ready to dive deep into the world of real estate disappointments and the key to bouncing back stronger than ever! In this episode of Real Estate Energized, hosts Dill Ward and Nicholas Nascimento tackle the common experience of not getting what you thought you wanted and provide strategies for recovering and reigniting your energy. They explore the power of patience, self-awareness, and a learning mindset in achieving your real estate goals. Discover how to overcome impatience and adjust expectations to find clarity and focus. Get inspired by stories of missed opportunities leading to something even better. Don't miss out on this captivating episode as Dill and Nicholas share profound insights on personal growth through the lens of real estate. Tune in and get your energy back on track!

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Are you licking your wounds after not getting what you thought you wanted? Maybe you didn't give it enough time. It was the wrong thing, or there's something better coming. In today's episode, we'll dive in deep to why this happens and ways to recover and get your energy back on track.

You're listening to Real Estate Energized! Where real estate meets real life. I'm Dill Ward.

And I'm Nicholas Nascimento, and we are not just realtors. We're your guides to the world of real estate with a deeper twist.

If you're thinking about moving sometime in the future, are already in motion with an upcoming move, or are a real estate professional who recognizes there's more depth to real estate than just a transaction, then join us on a journey as we unlock the real stories of personal growth that happens while buying and selling real estate.

Each week, we'll bring you unique perspectives and profound life lessons we've seen through our clients and our own experiences. Let's get started.

When I don't get what I thought I wanted, I am such a baby.

What? You, a baby? Never.

I know. As an only child, I feel like, my pout game is on point.

And when you're a child, it's easy to pout because that's the way you know to get things.

What I really appreciate about our dynamic is that you just let me. You know? Sometimes I'm suffering and just self-inflicting my disappointments in myself, and then you let me, and then you just lovingly nudge me to a different reality by asking me questions and really, I mean, I just really appreciate how optimistic you always are.

There are some really good things about the way that we handle our disappointments and our experiences with, like, brushing against our expectations. You know, I feel like, if we approach it from a, well, is it really that bad? And, you know, work from there. Like, I feel like we've come across a lot of different headways where we were like, this could be the end of us. But, you know, we ended up, like, taking a breath. We're realizing we can move forward still.

Yeah. Like, when we were thinking about this episode, we were trying to sort of inventory times that we didn't get what we thought we wanted. And a lot of times, we realized that it was on its way still. It just hadn't materialized in the time demarcation that we chose when we said, oh, we should have that by a week or we should have it by a month. And then we didn't have it. And we realized, oh, it just, we hadn't given it enough time.

Like, when we talk to people who talk about, like, wanting to, like, remodel or revamp a property. You know? They're always like, oh, and, well, you're going to do this, and we're going to take this wall out. We're going to put it in a kitchen. And every time I hear it, I'm like, yeah. You can do that. But we have to be very clear that it's going to take longer than just this next 2 weeks. You know?

Yeah. I think you say it best when you're like, what are your expectations? Think about disappointments in life. They almost always circle back to expectations. I think that we were successful in some of the things we did because we hired great people who knew how to set our expectations and say, this is going to be a lot of time and money and effort. And if you're going at it, you should expect that. Even though halfway through, like, specifically, when we remodeled and designed our kitchen, halfway through, we're like, we're never going to make it. This is so hard.

Yeah. And it was every step of the way, we had to kind of, like, check-in and be like, okay. So, I know that we were told it would be this long, but now it seems like it's going to take maybe a couple weeks longer. But, like, when you're in a house that's missing, you know, parts of the wall and the roof is open and you're exposed to the elements in the middle of the coldest weeks. Your patience is a little bit thinner.

I think patience is definitely the underrepresented thing that would help people actually do get what they want because the clarity is not there. And every time you're going after so especially, like, you know, in housing in general, you're trying to buy a house. You don't even really know what your nonnegotiable are, but you're just already frustrated because you see something online and then you go look at it. You're like, oh, it's not that. I'm never going to get what I want. But really, patience is the key to finding clarity so that you can have a more focused effort.

Yeah. I was kind of visualizing, like, if it were, like, some sort of emotional calculator. Like, the formula for, like, your disappointment could be summarized by, like, expectations multiplied by patience. If you're really good in patience, your patience is, like, a good ratio, then you're going to end up being able to handle all those disappointments with good emotions.

And time's time. Right?

Yeah. But then you also, you brought up a really good point. Like, there's a lot of, you know, a lot of variables that are at play.

When we were preparing for this episode, I've been doing a little bit of research. Just anytime I've been in a social setting, I'm like, hey. I'm researching. What's a time you didn't get what you thought you wanted? It was interesting how many different ways people perceived this question and where their mind went to when trying to sort of recall a situation. It also illustrated for me folks who, you know, we're trying to choose, like, from like myself. I was trying to choose from, like, which of the 10 things I didn't get in the last week, like, should I choose from versus other people who maybe couldn't think of anything since, you know, younger days of their life. And that's not to say that's the case, but, really, that's where their mind went to. And it really made me think that the difference between risk taking is a constant state of maybe getting what you want, maybe not getting what you want.

And that's part of, like, growing and trying to expand. There are more chances to not get what you thought you wanted.

Well, yeah. And, you know, that comfort with risk really does manage the level of expectation before you go into a win-lose scenario. And, like, if you're not very comfortable with taking risks and you finally go out on a limb and intake on something that you were hoping will give you a very specific outcome and it goes completely awry, like, you can't help but feel like a heavy defeat. But if you're already in the motion of, like, taking risk every day, there's so much more comfort in knowing that no matter what the outcome is going to be, you can handle it.

I really like that most of the optimistic people said that they didn't get what they thought they wanted because there was something better. And I know that's a part of my driveway coaching. When we're looking at houses and we just know they love the house, but it's just not going to work, either finances or timing or all the things. And it's really just a nice place to, like, rest your mind and heart to say, well, clearly, there's something better. And then I have seen so much evidence of people who made an offer, didn't get a house, and then the next one has so many more of the things that will really serve them that they didn't even know was possible yet because they were so caught up on the outcome that they lost.

Yeah. And, there's a lot of opportunity that comes up as well from missed expectations. And there's a lot of new directions that can be explored. There's a lot of, like, territory that's perhaps between here and there, that if you were to be able to leap like, leapfrog through all of it, you would miss out on a lot of experiences.

Yeah. And I'd like to summarize some of the other responses that I felt came up quite a bit. Like, some people really had a very clear self-awareness, and they said that they felt like they sabotaged things because of their emotional responses or being impatient, specifically in negotiation, you know, I always found it fascinating that one party needs, like, an entire week to make a decision. And then they finally make a decision. They toss the decision over to the other side, and they're completely confused that the person hasn't decided back in an hour. It's like this weird, incongruent time continuum. Like, I need all the time in the world, but you better decide in 1 minute. So, they actually were so self-aware that they said that they felt like they possibly blew things up because they just got impatient once they had made their decision. Another thing that came up was people owning that they weren't willing to do what it was going to take to accomplish the thing that they thought they wanted. And I think that that is also another consistent thing that I have seen.

Yeah. I think that that's, you know, that is one of the biggest parts of achieving specific goals is having the wherewithal and the desire and the ability to perform. And in a lot of ways, like, if you're not practiced, but if it's like, you wanted to go up on stage and deliver, like, a 15-minute presentation to a million people, if you've not been on a stage in front of 10 people before, you're probably not going to have, like, the right tools to handle that situation. You kind of have to take baby steps to get there.

I love that. Yeah. That really iterates. Like, the goal that you want may still be completely possible, but there's actually 3 micro goals before it that you need to hit that are milestones to lead you up to the bigger goal. I also think that as a culture, thank you, Amazon, and every other thing that you can just click a button and get an instant gratification, I think we've started to inherently think that all things can be done instantly, and don't take work and effort and risk and sacrifice. But let's face it. Anything worth having, takes all of those things.

Yeah. And then there's negotiation too. There are some other caveats to that. But there's, like, there's so much involved in developing a specific result.

And I think you have done such a great job at giving me a different perspective, especially when I'm in pity party. Hey. I'm just being so honest with you guys out there. Like, I'm so positive, and then I'll be a crybaby. You know?

But I think everybody would relate. It is easy to find yourself scrolling, like, we, you know, the doom scrolling that happens where you're just, like, in social media, and, like, everybody's doing anything you want to do better and faster and, like, you know, cuter or whatever. Like, we can all get stuck in there. And then there's the opposite where it's like you're stuck looking at, like, really terrible, like, crime reports, etcetera. Like, you know, you're just lost in this world that the world is crazy. All of that is from, like, well, you're looking at all the crazy news that's happening everywhere in the world. If you're looking at that, you're going to think the world is crazy. But there's, like, there's more opportunities to find people doing good things in the world and people, you know, living in happiness and finding peace and helping each other.

I think it's harder to find that, though, because they're serving us up the other stuff. Right? Like, it's already, the plate is just there, served to us. For us to actually go find things that are inspiring and motivating, takes work, takes, like, intention. And I love when you catch me on this, though, because I'll be complaining about something, and you'll say, oh, like, looks like you're looking at a lot of murder news over there. It looks like it's some kind of escapism, I'm sure. But I think what has helped us recover from the wounds that we've had from failures or rejections or whatever is just really having a learning mindset. And I like to, when I'm in the right mind space, I like to say I'm either winning or I'm learning. And in learning, you get the opportunity to iterate. You get the opportunity to reinvent or reimagine the outcome that didn't just happen, but how it could be even better.

Well, there's another variable that I think comes up for people. I found that often there are people who complain about not achieving a specific goal or not having a specific outcome from a conversation or, you know, like an experience and you ask them, well, did you ask for it? Did you say, hey. Well, I think that's a good idea, but I'd rather we all do this. And if you don't, like, fight for it, in a way that makes it seem like you actually want it, then did you really ask for it, or are you just presenting it, as like, well, nobody wants to do this, but here's my idea. Like, you know, you can't be upset if you don't ask for something specifically with, like, an expectation of like, hey. Either you guys say no, or we're doing this.

Oh my god. You are so spot on. This is definitely something I catch myself in or I say you catch me in when I'm like, hey. That wasn't the outcome. You're like, did you ever tell anyone else? You know? But I do see that in my clients. I see that in the world where we expect people to read our minds, and we're disappointed that they don't, and we don't advocate for the outcomes that we want. And we just let other people make decisions, and then we're not happy with them.

Like, if you have a contractor coming out to your house and you want them to, like, look at your chimney. And in your mind, you're wondering what it would cost to put an insert in. If you don't ask them what it's going to cost to put an insert in, they're just going to look at your chimney and give you the assessment for that and or do whatever repairs you specifically had asked for, they won't tell you anything that you don't ask them for. Nobody can voluntarily read your mind and then respond to you in a time line without any hints that you want something else.

Well, let's be honest. It's easier to avoid taking responsibility for asking for what you want. Right? Because then there's no risk of failure. There's no risk of rejection. And, hey, that's not how to live life. You got to put yourself out there. You got to say what you want. You got to go after it. There's no one coming to read your mind.

Yeah. Exactly. It's, and this can be true in relationships as well.

Yeah. You can apply these same things to everything, real estate, your health, your relationships. I mean, let's just face it. Every day, we get a chance to be the best version of ourselves and act in ways that are intentional with a great amount of personal awareness and self-awareness. And that's really what I think is the key to success, is self-mastery and being willing to own, like, replaying the day in Groundhog Day style going, how could I have emotionally reacted to this differently? How could have I asked better questions or leaned in? And not just being a victim of the circumstance. Like, oh, well, I didn't get it, so it wasn't meant to be. That is my least favorite thing. I hear people say when I am working so hard in their behalf and they're just, like, completely releasing their hands from the wheel saying, well, it just wasn't meant to be. And it's like, no. Actually, it can be meant to be if you work it, if you do what it takes, if you give it the time. All of these strategies that we're talking about, all are what makes outcomes the way you want.

And then there's the other side of things too, where it's like, an example from real estate is if you bought a house and you found out that something was defunct. And it's something that of course, there's ways to look into it, but you may not have had time to look into it, or your negotiation may not have had room to really negotiate that topic. Like, it just wasn't time. There wasn't patience or interest on the other party. And the only way for you to move forward in a transaction was to just accept it as it is. A matter of accepting that the decisions you made when you were charting the course to the outcome were the best ones you could make given the information you had or given the options that were at your disposal and just finding peace in that.

A little bit of self-love right there. So, alright, Nicholas. Thank you for taking us on this journey together here, all the ways that people don't get what they want and why. But let's just, like, let's just take it up. Boom. Let's take it up. Let's get energized. Let's just own it. Love ourselves. I think I'm going to lean really hard into, there's just always something better, but it's up to you to dream bigger. It's up to you to claim it, allow it, accept it, and call it in.

And I wanted to say that anytime that you find yourself feeling like you're in a bit of muck, it’s really just an opportunity to grow taller so you can get out of the muck to get the muscles, to strengthen your resolve and pull yourself further than you would have gotten on your first try.

And you can listen to our episode on emotional resilience because that also is required of any form of rejection or disappointment. Emotional resilience really is the key to lock yourself, like, back into the game, just getting through it and realizing that everything has a temporary experience to it. You get to decide how long do you sit in it. Are you sitting in the disappointment for an hour, a week, a month, a year, 10 years. It's totally up to you.

Yeah. It is one of those things where you can decide how long that season lasts. And, you can always go back into a growth season.

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As we close the door on another incredible episode of Real Estate Energized!, we want to express our heartfelt gratitude to you, our listeners. If you're looking to buy or sell real estate anywhere and need a great agent or you are an inspired agent yourself, connect with us.

We hope you found inspiration and insight in this episode. Remember, real estate is not just about walls and roofs. It's about the stories and dreams that fill those spaces.

Stay tuned for more exciting stories and life lessons in the episodes to come. And if you have a unique real estate story or topic, you'd like us to explore, reach out in the links below in the show notes.

Until next time. Keep dreaming, keep growing, and keep finding joy in the journey. Thanks for joining us on Real Estate Energized!