Why You Attract the Wrong Relationships | FT: Ada Gore

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Self-trust coach Ada Gore joins the podcast to unpack self-abandonment, the pattern of consistently putting everyone else first while ignoring your own needs, and how it silently sabotages dating, marriage, and self-worth.

Ada explains how self-abandonment shows up specifically in dating (over-planning, over-texting, doing all the emotional labor) and marriage (trying to control your partner instead of trusting them), and introduces the most powerful reframe of the episode: resentment as a messenger, not an enemy, a signal that reveals exactly where you've abandoned your own needs.

Full Timestamps:

00:00 — Intro: Meet Ada Gore, Self-Trust Coach

02:00 — Ada's Story: A Decade of Single Motherhood & Painful Dating

04:00 — The Dud, the Almost Man, and the Soulmate

06:30 — The Breakthrough: "I Didn't Love Myself"

09:00 — Why We Can Only Receive the Love We Give Ourselves

11:30 — What Self-Love Actually Means: Evidence Over Affirmations

14:00 — Keeping Tiny Promises to Yourself

16:30 — The "Going Pee When You Need To" Story

19:00 — Self-Abandonment as a Protective Mechanism

21:30 — How It Shows Up in Dating: Over-Planning & Control

24:00 — How It Shows Up in Marriage: Turning Him Into a Project

26:00 — Learning to Trust Yourself to Read the Red Flags

29:00 — "Trusting Someone Else Is Never About Them — It's About You"

32:00 — Signs You're Abandoning Yourself: The Resentment Test

35:00 — Ada's Postpartum Story: The Yoga Class She Never Took

39:00 — Why Resentment Is Always About You, Not Them

41:30 — Confusing Sacrifice With Healthy Love

44:00 — Selfish vs. Selfless vs. Self-Centered (The Pendulum)

47:00 — The Self-Centered Woman Program Introduction

49:00 — Permission Exercise: Speaking Your Resentment Out Loud

52:00 — Journaling vs. Speaking: Getting the Loop Out of Your Head

54:30 — The Dishes Story: Giving From Overflow vs. Depletion

58:00 — The Pygmalion Effect in Relationships 1:00:00 — How to Set Expectations Without Lying to Yourself

1:05:00 — Where to Start If You've Abandoned Yourself for Years

1:08:30 — Advice for Single Women: Resentment in Dating

1:11:00 — Ada's Viral Reel: The #1 Red Flag Before Marriage

1:16:00 — Life After Healing: "I'm Not Lonely Anymore"

1:18:00 — Where to Find Ada + The Self-Centered Woman Program

1:21:00 — Closing Thoughts

The episode also covers the difference between selfish, selfless, and "self-centered" (Ada's reframed, healthy middle ground), the Pygmalion effect and how the expectations you set for your partner shape how they show up, and concrete scripts for communicating trust and boundaries without nagging or lying to yourself.

This is a deeply practical conversation for any woman who feels like she's disappeared inside her own relationships.