Ian Hawkins 0:02
Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfilment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it, and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the and Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this work, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.
Are you allowing other people's unresolved grief to make you feel like shit? Are you allowing other people's projections of what's going on for them? To knock you off your balance? Let me start by saying no one else makes you feel a certain way. No one else is causing you to feel a certain way. There are certain behaviours from other people certain situations, which will trigger an emotional response from you, that will have you feeling a certain way. But it's not them making you feel that way. And don't let anyone try and convince you that you're making them feel a certain way. And don't allow you to feel like it's someone else's responsibility. Ultimately, we have to take full responsibility for how we're feeling. And when we do that, we go through this change. Sometimes the people in our life will struggle with that. So if you're, if you've already taken the steps to change behaviour, change how you're showing up to not react a certain way used to react, you may have already noticed that the rope that people close to you used to hang on to is not there. And they can sometimes react even stronger to try and get that same comfortable reaction than they used to. And when I say comfortable, I might not necessarily be comfortable in a way that you would think but it was comfortable from them, particularly from an unconscious perspective, because it's just what they've always been used to. So if you always played that role as the rescuer, the people pleaser, the person that we used to always be everything to everyone in a relationship, whether it's family, friends, or otherwise. And you stop doing that the other people in your world can really find that a struggle. And it's not your job to try and convince them of anything else. Except that this is the way you will now be allow yourself to be treated. You will no longer tolerate certain behaviour, you will no longer tolerate certain experiences. And you won't keep doing things to keep other people happy if it's at your own expense. Because then because then we are you're able to teach other people how you want to be treated. However you're being treated now by different people, is a reflection of what you've allowed to happen. So we get to get their control back, like I talk about quite regularly. This is how we bring responsive personal responsibility self control back to these situations. We change what we can change, we control the controllables we can't control how they react. We can't tell them what to do. If we show up. And we say that's not okay anymore. And we stick to that still with love and compassion, then we're able to elicit a change from them in a much more subtle way. Now sometimes you're going to get a reaction that may feel like that those people often the most important people in your life are treating you in a way that
is like so hurtful and painful and that and that's is what it can feel like just remembering that when you change it's it creates a ripple of change to them which will allow space for them to change ultimately, at first though, we really challenged by that because the programming thing that they've been running is used to you showing up in a certain way. So just remember that when when people come at you with different things, and they get frustrated at certain things you do, and they react at certain things you do until you should do this, this and this, it is a projection of what they are most frustrated about themselves. We all do this. We see in others, what we don't like about ourselves, and we react. So if someone's saying to you, you're doing this, you're doing this, you're always doing that, you're always like that, then they just expressing their own frustration at themselves. And I'll show you how you can test this. Whatever it is that they're reacting to, in that space, give them nothing to react to change that behaviour, make sure that that's not happening. And then when they react like that, you can say no, like, I've taken your advice. And this is what I'm doing. Or don't even take the I don't even say you're taking the advice, just do just be that person that doesn't have that frustration. And watch as they battle with that very thing that they've been projecting at you the whole time. This is how we don't allow their stuff there unresolved stuff to impact us by changing us, or changing ourselves. So if you're in that situation, at the moment, have a think about where am I allowing other people's projection to impact me? What can I change about my behaviour in that space. So I don't react that same way. And then what will be possible after that. Now, at the same time, those important people in your life, allow yourself to feel the hurt, because that's normal. And that's how you can start to release it, release that break that's keeping your staff also, if you can find compassion to realise that they are just working through their own stuff. They're trying to do the best that they can in the situation, they're not deliberately trying to hurt you. Even though it feels like it, they are just trying to navigate a new situation the best that they can. Such a it's such a powerful shift, it can be really challenging to faces, and take that responsibility. And realise that even though they're saying that the old pattern news, he's feeling hurt, that's just their stuff. It's just their stuff, I do not have to buy into that anymore, I can actually take back my control here. I can stand in my power stand in my strength, and I can be the person that I want to be not on the person that they want me to be. And when you can do that, the freedom that you will experience will be like no other. You be able to stop chasing that external freedom, and all these other things that you might be chasing. And you'll be able to just come back to what we ultimately want is just to be as much of ourselves as possible, be comfortable in that. Find a place of peace, release the stress and step into being that powerful provider protector, secure person within ourselves and to create that same energy for the other people in our life as well. Speak to you tomorrow.
I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief. Let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favourite podcast platform
