Welcome to my virtual therapy room!  I am Dr Lori Beth Bisbey and this is Sex Spoken Here.  Today we are beginning our discussion about BDSM and power dynamics in relationship.  Since the advent of 50 Shades of Grey, many people have approached me wondering if BDSM is something for them or saying their partner has come out as dominant or submissive and wanting to understand power dynamics in relationships and talk about power exchange. In the next four episodes of Sex Spoken Here we will delve deep into these areas. For those of you who don’t know, BDSM stands for Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism.  Power exchange relationships are ones in which one person takes the dominant role and the other person the submissive role by agreement.  Almost all relationships contain power dynamics they are just not necessarily negotiated or clearly acknowledged. 

Joining me to start our discussion into these areas and to delve into some of the theory is Dr Kevin Boileau, psychoanalyst and philosopher to speak on this topic. It’s good to see you Dr Boileau.

We started by introducing the topics of power exchange, BDSM and power dynamics in relationships. Of the many points made,  one of the most important was that in order to explore these areas , a person needs to be self-aware and to take responsibility with a capital R (for self and for other).   

Dr Boileau spoke about the different forms of power and how power is a part of all aspects of our lives.  He spoke about the creativity involved in deciding to explore power exchange and BDSM in a committed relationship or even in a shorter term relationship and that this creativity creates a space for growth.  He spoke of the importance of creating a safe space and also recognition that for some people entering into this type of exploration can be a negative experience. 

Dr Boileau pointed out that the concept of sadomasochism is a complex one. He highlighted that there are true sadists with varying levels of psychopathology who simply enjoy hurting others and that there are also masochists who gain enjoy pain in unhealthy ways.  

We talked about the level of responsibility if you are entering into a consensual power exchange and that it means that a person has to consider more about what they are actually agreeing to do and so often paves the way for growth.  We spoke of the shame that can be involved in trying to talk about these very intimate issues and for some people there is shame in even thinking about these things and how much easier it can be if there is a third person present, often a professional, to help make it safer to explore and experience and express the feelings that come with intimacy and being creative around intimate behaviour. 

This was very much an introduction to terms with definitions of bondage, discipline and sadomasochism, power and power dynamics. In the next episode, we delve deeper into some of the theory relating to these types of roles, relationships and lifestlyes and provide more concrete specific examples.

Thanks for joining me this week for Sex Spoken Here with Dr Lori Beth Bisbey.  Write to me with suggestions for the show, questions you want answered at drbisbey@the-intimacy-coach.com, follow me on twitter @drbisbey. For a free 30 minute strategy session with me, go to www.the-intimacy-coach.com and click the button that says Schedule Now!  I look forward to seeing you next week