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Why Do I Still Get So Mad? The 3 Stages of Becoming Calm
Episode 2521st July 2022 • Become A Calm Mama • Darlynn Childress
00:00:00 00:30:50

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One thing moms struggle with is feeling bad about their progress in becoming calm and showing up calm with their kids. Whenever they have an mad mom episode and act in a way they don’t think they should, a lot of criticism, guilt, and doubt pours in. 

They think they should know this already. They think they should be getting there faster.  

What they don’t understand is that becoming calm is a PROCESS. It’s a PRACTICE. It’s something you work on over time. Some days it’s easy, and some days it isn’t. All all of that is ok.

I wanted to give you some real understanding of what it ACTUALLY looks like when you are changing your brain and the way you show up as a parent. The actual process of becoming calm – so you don’t feel so bad when you lose your shitola with your kids. 

In this episode you’ll learn

Why you aren’t calm

The 3 stages of becoming calm

Easy strategies to get calm faster


Ever wish you could just ask someone what you should do about your kid’s behavior? 

Like instead of typing a question into google, and having to sift through a bunch of articles to see which one fits your situation, you could just ask someone directly and get a straight answer from someone you trust?

Cool. So I’m doing that. 

Next Thursday, July 28, from 10-11am PT, I’m hosting a free parenting Q & A event. And you’re invited.

This is your chance to ask me the parenting question you wish google would answer. 

Use this link to join me.

How To Calm Down

We all know we aren’t at our best when we’re stressed, overwhelmed and reactive.  But knowing how to calm down in the moment isn’t always as easy as it sounds.

I’m walking you through my 3-step process to catch yourself, pause and get back to feeling calm.

Mom Stress

With summer in full swing, I’m sure you’ve had some really tough moments over the past few weeks. Moments when you’ve been stuck in what I call Mad Mom Syndrome

You know what I'm talking about. 

  • Moments when your child is a bit off track and you get upset and all of a sudden you are yelling, threatening, and lecturing, followed by guilt and rushed apologies.
  • Moments you are worried that the behavior you see in the present is a predictor of the future, so you act super strict and controlling.
  • Moments when you are frustrated and say a snide or mean remark to your kid.

These types of moments are a clue that you are in your stress cycle and feeling emotionally overwhelmed.  

Your brain is convinced that the circumstance is an emergency.  Then, the brain activates a BIG, INTENSE STRESS RESPONSE.

You become super reactive and respond to your children with stress, anxiety, frustration or anger. 

Then they escalate their stress behaviors and the next thing you know you are in a chaotic argument with your kids. 

How Do I Stop Reacting?

To get out of Mad Mom Syndrome and get back to feeling calm, you need the Pause Break.  This is the thing you do when you feel yourself spiraling. You CATCH YOURSELF AND PAUSE. 

There are three steps to the Pause Break:

Step 1: STOP

Don't Talk. Don't Engage.  You can stop yourself at any point when you notice you are in your stress response and are seeing signs of Mad Mom Syndrome.

Step 2: DELAY

Don’t decide. Don’t act. Don't do anything about the situation (unless it’s a true emergency). Give yourself time to think and get calm.

Step 3: RESET

Actively do something to calm your stress response. During a "Reset", you will move your body,  your mind or both. 

When you’re first starting out, you may only catch yourself after you've yelled or gotten upset.  After a while, you’ll catch yourself while you are yelling or acting upset.  Eventually you start to catch yourself before you yell or act out your frustration/overwhelm.

Learning to pause is a process. It takes time. Be gentle with yourself.

Pause is where all of your personal growth happens. It’s the space where change occurs. If you only take one thing away from this episode, I hope it’s this: You can always PAUSE.

You’ll Learn:

Why you become reactive and yell, threaten or ice your kid out

Three steps to pause and get back to calm

Clues you need a Pause Break

What to do after you’ve reacted in a way you don’t love

Mentioned in this Episode:

Podcast episode: The Pause Break

Episodes on body, feelings, thoughts?


P.S. The more you practice catching yourself and pausing to reset, the easier it gets. Eventually, your stress response won't even be activated by misbehavior, running late, your kid's big feelings or other people's opinions. You will have true, deep and lasting calm. It's possible. 

In Calm Mama Club, you master the Pause Break and learn how to get yourself to calm no matter what your kid does.  You also join an amazing community of Calm Mamas, and I’m there with you every step of the way so you are never alone.

Join us now.