Ever wondered how gratitude can survive when your world falls apart? On this powerful episode of The Grit Show, Shawna Rodrigues opens up about her own journey after receiving a life-changing breast cancer diagnosis right in the middle of recording. Shawna explores what it’s like when “the collapse” happens—when plans unravel, certainty disappears, and surface-level priorities burn away. Using compelling stories and nature-inspired metaphors like the serotinous pine cone, Shawna teases out how destruction can set the stage for unexpected growth.

If you’ve ever found inspiration in resilience, personal growth, or finding hope in difficult times, you’ll want to hear the three unique stages she reveals for moving from darkness to dawn. This episode is perfect for those searching for strength, mindful gratitude, and authentic hope amidst life’s toughest challenges.

Shawna Rodrigues has been hosting the The Grit Show, since 2022 and has loved every minute of it. She has an award winning career in the government and non-profit industry, an LCSW, and a passion for making a impact.

She is currently facing her biggest plot twist yet—a breast cancer diagnosis in early 2025—this year is about her fight, victory, and healing. Join her warrior community Being Honest and check out the podcast episode where she shares more.

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How can you be grateful when everything falls apart? I was in the middle of recording a podcast episode just like this one when I got the call back in January telling me that they had found cancer. It tilted my entire world on its axis and I was swallowed by the pressure. As I careened into this alternate course, all I could do was modulate my voice and try to quell the endless questions and scenarios that were bursting inside of me. I remember thinking this might be the one place that gratitude goes to die and no one gets to fault me for that. Maybe you've been there too. In a moment when someone tells you to count your blessings or to look at the bright side. All of those nail grating platitudes and all you want to do is scream because your world has just imploded and none of those things are helping. Today, I want to share with you what I discovered about gratitude and the gifts that reside in the darkness.

It's not what you think. Welcome to The Grit Show, where our focus is growth on purpose. I'm your host, Shawna Rodrigues, and I'm honored to be part of this community as we journey together with our grit intact to learn more about how to thrive and how to get the most out of life. It means a lot that you are here today. As you listen, I encourage you to think of who may appreciate the tidbits of knowledge we are sharing and to take a moment to pass this along to them. Everyone appreciates a friend that thinks of them and these conversations are meant to be shared and to spark even more connections. We've all heard that it's darkest before the dawn, but what does that actually mean when you're living in the darkness? When the diagnosis comes? When the job disappears? When the relationship ends? When everything you planned, everything you've built suddenly falls apart? When your world has literally spun off its axis and suddenly the future feels impossible. Because this is what I learned.

And we'll talk about the fact that even nature has examples and situations for things just like this. There's a kind of gratitude and a kind of possibility that can only exist after everything has fallen apart. I'm going to repeat that there is a kind of gratitude and a kind of possibility that can only exist after everything else has fallen apart. But finding it isn't about pretending the falling apart didn't happen because it did, and finding it doesn't happen when you're desperately trying to hold all of those tattered pieces together. It all has to fall apart in order to fall into place. It has to be at the darkest, before the light can come in. Today we're going to explore three stages of this journey and I'll share some discoveries. They can only be made in the darkest of nights.

So what does this actually look like when you are in this dark space? Right. We're going to look at this in three different stages, and we're going to put it in the context of darkness to dawn. Right? So the collapse, when everything falls apart and the darkness descends. Then the deepest dark, the learning to exist in the space where nothing makes sense, where you can't see your way out, when everything truly has fallen apart. And then the first light, discovering what gratitude looks like after everything changes, when that dawn first starts to show its face. Right. So the collapse, I'm sure if you're listening, when I say the collapse, that phone call, there's an episode I did when I was first diagnosed and shared with all of you that story. And I talked about those phone calls that change your life.

And you know when they happen, that things aren't ever going to quite be the same, that you've taken a trajectory shift, that axis has changed. And that's what we're talking about, the collapse when things fall apart. The fire, as we're going to talk about in an example from nature here in just a little bit. But that's when the world stopped. For me, that was the breast cancer diagnosis. And I explained, I'm sure on the podcast, and anyone who's connected with me has probably seen that I was better built for that diagnosis than probably a lot of people that I've encountered and worked with. And it was still crippling and overwhelming and a complete shift a year into less than a year into our marriage and in the middle of building a business I've been putting so much into. And everything changed.

The perspective of everything changed. What to do changed. Everything was going so fast, and there were so many appointments and decisions and things that had to happen. Everything was uncertain. Plans had to change. Didn't even know what you could plan for. Didn't know how you were going to pay for things, how you were going to make things happen. And in that moment, things like gratitude do not seem possible.

That's when you have to be in the moment and find that one step at a time, one conversation, one person, one thing at a time to be grateful for, because everything is falling apart. And this is when we get to talk about the serotinous pine cone principle. Have you heard of the serotinous pine cone? I have heard of it. But until I was doing my research for our conversation today, I did not actually know what it was called. The serotinous pine cone. I love that. I'm going to remember that now forever, I think, hopefully. So the serotinous pine cone, there's various pine trees that have this type of cone, and it is literally a pine cone that has, like, a resin on it and it's folded up tight.

And the only time that it opens up and releases the seeds is when there's a wildfire or a forest fire. And I call them wildfires because I live in Oregon, and we have them and we call them wildfires now. We don't even call them forest fires now because they are wild and we call them wildfires. And so that is the only time that the seeds are released for those specific pine trees is when those fires come through. And they are the catalyst. This destruction is the catalyst. There can't be new growth. There can't be this opportunity for this seed, this plant to grow, to happen, unless there is this destruction.

So it is necessary for this to happen. And the amazing thing is, is that there are multiple levels. It's not just that it is necessary for the fire and the heat from the fire to release the seeds, but it's also this opportune time which we'll get into as we move on with our stages. But when everything else is cleared away, when everything has burned down, which is why I talk about, you have to let it fully fall apart. You have to clear the space. You have to give the room for these new seeds that have been released by this destructive force, this pressure, this fire, this new wave existing that you never wanted to happen. But it releases these seeds, and then there's this clear ground for them to take root without the competition of all the other plants with free access to the light when it comes, more access to the water when it's there, more access to grow and to flourish. So in the darkest moments of the forest fire, this new life is being prepared and taking root and finding its way into the ground.

So nature found a way, right? That in those darkest moments in that space when everything's collapsing is when it is getting ready to release that next phase. So the destruction, that fire, that darkness, is all necessary for that to happen. Don't you love it in life that darkness and fire are the two. Are the two examples, and they mean the same thing, even though they're complete opposites. I love that. I love that about examples. So hopefully you can follow which example I'm Giving and which one I'm talking about. But that's exactly what it was in my diagnosis.

And everything that was happening is that all the surface level priorities burned away. They all had to disappear. The illusion of control disappeared, right? I had no control. With every new lab report that came back, I had no idea what it was going to hold. I had no control over if it was er, PR positive, her two negative. Like, none of those things that were going to change the trajectory of my treatment, what was going to happen when I went in to have the breast, the MRI to look at things, and they found, like, the four or five additional tumors, Like, I had no control over any of those things, right? It was just waiting in that space. Everything was just burning away. And there was just the waiting and just having to be in that space as everything cleared away.

And the important thing was the medical appointments and finding out the information and figuring out what was needed for my care, for my wellbeing, for my future and basic needs to be able to pay rent, have a place to live, pay medical bills, be able to get to these appointments, make sure I was cared for. Like, everything boiled down to, like, the very base essentials. It was no longer honeymoons, trips, adventures. It was getting through the next phase and what medical equipment was needed. It became very base and everything else started to fall away, right? But acknowledging what remains isn't the same as being grateful for it. That comes later in the deeper parts of things, right? And I am somebody who can find those little glimmers and grounding myself as more and more is falling away, to keep myself in the right spirits and space. Like, I did find those moments. But if you can't, that's okay.

That's okay. But to clear things away for me, it was important to find those glimmers of gratitude. It was important for me to find those little spots of light to keep me in the space where I could keep my eye on where I was going and what needed to happen and the space I needed to be in for that to happen, right? So you've probably heard the parable of the donkey in the well. And if you haven't, I will be sharing that with you now. So a donkey falls into a well, and the farmer was trying to figure out how to get the donkey out. Try putting, you know, this really long board down. But it was. He found a board that was long enough, but the donkey, like, couldn't walk up the board because of the angles, because it was so, you know, the well wasn't that big around but it was so deep, and he kept trying to figure it out.

And he was, like, putting food down there for the donkey, but he's like, the donkey can't just live in the well. Like, what is he gonna do? And the donkey just kept, you know, hee hawing and bellowing, and it was miserable down there. And finally the farmer's just like, I can't do anything. I can't get this donkey out. I can't spend all my time trying to get this donkey out. Like, I'm just gonna have to bury the donkey in the well. Like, I just have to let him go. Like, I can't, like, do anything else.

Like, I just gonna bury this donkey in the well. So he got this shovel of dirt and dropped it down. And the donkey at first was just. And that space of despair, like, I'm stuck in this well. And now the farmer, my closest friend's just burying me here. I'm like, there's no way out. Like, this is it for me. And then the donkey, like, realized, wait a minute.

If I shake off this dirt and I step on it, I'm getting up higher. And so the farmer kept dumping the dirt down, and the donkey kept shaking it off and stepping on it and stepping on it and stepping on it. And so in the deepest dark, like, in that spot with the belly aching and the calling out and finally, like, feeling like everything's given up on me, right? I have no choices. I'm being buried in this well like, there's no way out for me. Like, this is the end. And instead, he shook it off and stepped on it, found those glimmers, found those the stars, found the gratitude, find those moments, and was able to find his way up and climb out. So what was meant to bury him became his actual path to freedom. And so when you're in that space, that's when you have to figure out what the way out is, what that seed can become, what do you want to be planted, what the possibilities are.

So going through this experience, everything took so much longer than I thought it was going to be. Things got discouraging, and I wasn't as mobile as I hoped I would. And it was challenging. But in that space, in that deepest darkness, is when you start to see the things and find the things and realize what's important. So for me, it sounds absurd and ridiculous, but there were so many times that my husband and I looked at each other and talked about how grateful we were for each other. And I said more than once to people in my world that I would rather never have breast cancer. I'm sure everyone would rather never have. A lot of things happen, right? But in the trajectory of my life, this was the best possible time with the most amazing partner.

Like, my body waited until I was married to the love of my life, who would care for me and be my champion through all of this. Which, interestingly, like, there was lessons along the way. My friends will tell you the guy that I dated, who was lovely and wonderful, a great person, but I was not top three for him. And before that point in time, I didn't even know I needed to be a top three. I didn't realize that I was so busy. Like, no, you have your stuff, I have mine. Like, you know, we could live separate lives. And all of a sudden, in that relationship, I was like, no, I need to be top three.

I don't need to be number one, but I need to be top three. And I married somebody who puts me definitely top three, most likely top two. And during my treatment, number one, you know what I mean? And that it was not something I knew I even needed. And yet that's what I got. It's almost people will say to us that, you know, for in sickness and health was in your vows, and it wasn't. We didn't put that in our vows. We wrote our own vows, and our vows didn't have in sickness and in health. And yet he proved the in sickness, like, hands down, 100%.

And I did not think that we would be okay spending that much time together. Him being stuck in our home, me being stuck in our home for that much time. And it brought us closer together, and we realized how much we enjoy each other's company and how okay we are even in that difficult space with wounds that aren't healing, with me being unable to do the things I want to do and need to do with a care routine that would take up 18 hours a day. Like, it was exhausting, and it was so much. And yet we both did so well with each other and our time together. And it still staggers me, and I'm in awe of that. But we got to discover that. We got to discover that early in our marriage.

And how many people get that right? And we'll always have that to go back to, which is amazing. And I'm not one to ask for help. It's hard for me to ask for help, and I think people might be surprised by that. I feel like they're surprised by that, But I'm a very independent individual. And so it is hard for me to ask for help. And anytime I posted on social media about the GoFundMe, anytime I asked for people to do food train stuff, meal train stuff, like, it was so hard for me. And I had friends who were awesome and did the thank yous as follow up for the GoFundMe so that I didn't have to check it every day because there were times especially that that just wasn't something I was up for. And a the extreme outpouring of love and support was amazing and incredible and I had immense gratitude for that.

And then just that lesson that we are bigger than ourselves and that people are there that want to step up, that want to help, that are that generous, that are that loving and want to give in those ways is just beautiful. And I can be in this new community where I don't feel like I have a lot of connection and still feel that connected and that supported, which is amazing. And the rest, the quiet, that is not something I do enough of. And I did a lot of it. And so my body now is like, all right, we're getting back to work. Why are you trying to work those long days? We need to stop doing that. And so the knowledge of that and there's big shifts coming in my business and in my work that were part of me realizing what truly brought me joy. And you needed to, like, clear.

You needed the wildfire to burn everything down to nothing, to realize what really brought me joy and what I really wanted to do and what is really what I should be focusing on. And it required that. And you can only get that in the dark. You can only get that in that cleared space. And so those are the things that the seeds that are there that you can only find in that space. And so those seeds, they think that they're buried, right? They're in the darkness. There's pressure, there's nothing around them. But that's where they take root and that's where they're preparing to reach for the light.

And so I found those seeds there, and that's where they really took root, was in that darkness. Like, the level of connection I now have with my husband only took root there. The level of direction I have for my business and the clarity I have took root there. Lessons I have in rest and quiet took root there. And that was the only place that they could take root. And so that's the beauty of it. So the darkness is where you find the gratitude. And it isn't about being thankful for that pain.

I was not thankful for Any of the discomfort or the situation. It's about recognizing what can grow out of those conditions when you're in those conditions and to embrace what is possible because of what is happening. And I know everything I just shared made it seem like, wow, that was magical, you know, wow, that was amazing. You had all that space and time and that's nothing like what happened when I went through my divorce. That's nothing like what happened when my, you know, father was ill and I was caring for him. That's nothing like this and this and this and this and this. And so I acknowledge that. I acknowledge that for every person the circumstances are different and the lessons and the seeds are going to be different.

But there are lessons and seeds and the circumstances are never simple and easy. There's life threatening illnesses, there's destructive relationships, there's lost homes, there's literal wildfires, there is so much damage. And if you sit there holding onto all those tattered pieces, that's all you're going to see. But if you can clear those pieces, there is more there. And if you're so consumed fighting the darkness, then you can't learn from it and you're going to miss the dawn entirely. And I think that that's my hope, is that there'll be room to recognize how much you need to let go and clear away to find some of those pieces so that you can know that it isn't about things being fixed, it's about seeing with new eyes. So that's what the first light is about. That's the final stage of it, is when dawn begins to break.

And that subtle shift from surviving darkness to recognizing what was created in the darkness, what was possible because of the darkness. And it doesn't mean the night never happened. It doesn't mean that it wasn't horrible and terrible. It doesn't mean that you would wished it never existed. It just means that it had purpose, that you can find purpose in it, that that charred ground is possible of harboring something to grow out of it. So I'm grateful for insights I never could have gained any other way. Even though I would never have chosen the path that led to them. Nobody would wish for diagnosis.

I still find gratitude that I had the mammogram. It was found early, it was found before it spread far enough that I had to go through more intensive treatments. I'm grateful for so many things along the way because that's who I am. And I did find the gratitude. However, obviously it'd be great to just not have it to not have gone through that. To not have spent thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars on medical expenses. To not have lost that time away from work and travel and families and friends. To not be in September wondering what happened to my entire year.

Like, there are so many moments and so many things, right? There's my body's completely foreign to me. So many things, right? 14 hour surgeries, hospital stays, things that didn't go as expected. There's lots of things, however, I want to be here for the first light. It got cleared. The fire was beyond my control. It burned everything down. And all I could do was be grateful for the seeds that were planted and looking for that first light that they grew out of. So like the serotinous pine in a cleared forest, we see the opportunities others cannot.

Right? So this wisdom, it earned these experiences that create an unshakable foundation. Right. And that's how the authenticity emerges when everything's superficial, just burned away without choice. So you don't have to be glad this happened right. At all. And when you think of the serotinous spine, I just want to drive home the fact that the serotinous pine developed, evolved into this strategy for survival. It didn't create the forest fire. It found a way to defy the forest fire.

It found a way to make the forest fire be its catalyst to proliferate and be even more amazing and have more strength and grow in more places and triumph. Right? Right. That's what those pine cones did. They adapted and found a way to take it to their advantage, to take the destructive force and use it to make life and beautiful things come out of it. And that's what we have the opportunity to do. It's an opportunity. It's not a mandate. It's an opportunity.

And I'm just so glad that I am able to embrace that and that I was given this challenge at a time where I could truly embrace it and grow so many beautiful things in my world because of it, in spite of it, if that makes sense. So it's not I'm glad this happened. It's. I'm grateful for who I'm becoming. And it's not everything happens for a reason at all is that I can find meaning in what happened. So it's not bypassing the pain, but honoring what grew alongside it is taking is the Japanese art of repairing brick and pottery. You probably have heard of that, the Kintsugi, where you take gold and silver or platinum lacquer and you repair the broken parts of the pottery and then make it even more beautiful so the history isn't disguised, it's actually highlighted and makes it more beautiful and more valuable. It's all of those things being worked together.

So it's making it all it can be and more and finding the ways to take those seeds out of it. Right? So you don't have to be thankful for suffering. It's about recognizing what becomes possible because of the conditions created in that space. It's about what redefining gratitude in the darkness. So it's gratitude after everything falls apart is not about the falling apart. It's about what you discover was always there, waiting to be seen. And can be seen when everything got cleared away. Because the dawn doesn't erase the night, it just transforms our relationship to it.

Because some insights, you can only be seen in the darkness. And some strengths can only be built with pressure and something pushing against it. So how we begin to look at this is the important piece. We can't force a gratitude too soon. You have to be authentic. You have to let the things fall away before you can find it. But it's there. Your timeline, it can't be rushed.

It's no one else's timeline. It's not about toxic positivity. It's not about platitudes. It's about authentic hope and being able to discover that. So just remember the serotonin is pine and its evolution to create the exact conditions needed for new life to begin. And maybe our darkest moments are doing the same exact thing so we don't have to be grateful when things fall apart. It's how to accept that sometimes the world falls apart and it's not fair and it is hard. But in those moments, you can know that somewhere in you is a seed, more than one seed that was built for this exact moment in these exact conditions.

And for you to know that something can grow from this. And instead of holding on to all the debris, let it clear to know that finding glimmers of gratitude is like finding stars in that pitch black sky. And that recognizing the darkness and the pressure is a seed being buried. And that the dawn is already beginning to break as soon as you recognize that. Because that seed is finding its way to the light. I hope this was helpful. Thank you for being here today. I value the time we shared together today.

Thank you for making time to be here and to continue taking steps towards growth and bringing more ease into your life. I'd love for us to stay connected on Instagram @shawnapodcasts or @the.grit.show , there's even a link in bio @the.grit.show where you can send me an email to let me know what you thought. Today's episode. Hearing from you helps to make the effort that goes into producing these episodes worthwhile. After all, you're why I'm here. And since it's been a while since you've heard this, you are the only one of you that this world has got, and that really does mean something. I hope you realize that I'll be back again soon, and I hope you're following along or subscribed so that you'll know and be here too.