"This is how it always has been. It's being able to let that go and saying, okay, that's what was, but this is what I want it to be."

In this episode of Lead with Culture, host Kate Volman is joined by Michele Marquis, Senior Executive Coach at Floyd Consulting, to explore three ways to live intentionally. Inspired by the principles in the "The Fourth Quarter of Your Life" workbook by Matthew Kelly and Allen Hunt, Michele shares her insights on how to align our lives with what truly matters to us.

In their conversation, Michele emphasizes the importance of reflecting on our mission, purpose, and what we want to achieve for a fulfilling life without regrets. Through actionable steps, they discuss how to create a life plan that guides our decisions, energy, and time effectively.

In this episode, you’ll discover:

1. Why defining your purpose and what you want to be remembered for is crucial in making informed decisions
2. Establishing clear goals and dreams for the current stage of your life, while letting go of past regrets
3. Techniques to prioritize your time and energy on what truly matters to your mission and goals

Things to listen for:

00:55 Living Intentionally: Insights from Fourth Quarter Coaching

04:31 Developing Clarity for Better Decisions

08:54 Establishing What You Need and Want

17:17 Learning to Say No for a Bigger Yes

24:20 Final Thoughts and Takeaways

Resources:

• Floyd Coaching
• The Culture Assessment
• Matthew Kelly’s Books
• Floyd Coaching’s Blog

Connect with the Host & Floyd Coaching:

• Kate Volman’s Linkedin
• Floyd Coaching on Linkedin
• Floyd Consulting on Facebook
• Floyd Consulting on Twitter
• Floyd Consulting on YouTube
• Floyd Consulting on Instagram

Think about when people say, I'm too busy, I'm doing this, I have this and that. However, learning to say no for the bigger yes and the bigger yes, is it serving your mission, your personal brand, what you want and need in your life right now? And if it's not, if there's any doubt in that, then you have to really think about that criteria of your choices and your decisions and whether you want to spend your time doing that or not. This is a big one. Sounds simple, but where are you spending your time? What are those energy suckers that you're really spending your time on?

This is Lead With Culture. I am Kate Volman, and on this episode, we are talking about three ways to live intentionally. Very excited about this conversation, and I am joined by Michele Marquis, who is one of our senior coaches. Michele, thanks so much for joining us today.

Thanks, Kate. This is a good one. This is a good topic.

Yeah. This is a topic that it's near and dear to your heart, especially because you, it's kind of inspired by the fourth quarter coaching that we are doing with some of our clients. And so we wanted to do this episode because fourth quarter coaching, if you guys, it's an incredible workbook. Matthew Kelly and Allen Hunt wrote those beautiful book no regrets, and then it's followed with the workbook, The Fourth Quarter of Your Life. And one of the things I love so much about it is, yes, it's talking about the fourth quarter of our life, but also anybody can benefit from using this workbook and living with more intention. In fact, I would say, man, I wish I had this when I was in my twenties because it's a really wonderful way to live with more intention, to really get focused on what it is that you want in your life and then how to set up the next decade or however long. So, Michele, talk about why it was so important for you for this topic before we kind of dig into it, because you just, you love this workbook.

I do. I do. And I think that really, just coaching in general, it really gets down to this. People want to be more intentional with their life because they want to have higher levels of satisfaction in all areas of their life. And how do you do that? What's one of the ways to have that higher level of satisfaction? It's identify those things that you really want in your life and need and then making a plan and being intentional about where you spend your time, your energy to make those things happen. So it's really, I say it's part of the foundation of coaching. And once people start to establish this in their life. They really start to see wonderful things happen and increase their satisfaction.

They achieve their goals, their dreams. You can't do that if life's just letting you float by.

Yeah. It's so interesting because I think about some of the roles that I was in in my past when, oh, my gosh, I still remember I would come into the office and this is just kind of like intentional at work, but it spills over into every area of life. So I remember I would come into work and a lot of my coworkers would just, they would get to their desk and they'd be all stressed and like, oh, I have all these emails and I'm doing all these things. And it's like other people's priorities became their priority. So at the end of the day, they would come into my office and be like, oh, my gosh, I feel like I didn't get anything done today. But they didn't set their day up for success. They didn't set their day up intentionally. So if you're not setting your days up intentionally, then the chances that you're actually intentional about your life or thinking about the next year or three years or five years.

In fact, I was just having a conversation with a woman the other day and I asked her because she was kind of stressed out about her business, where she was going, and I asked her ideally, what is your dream business look like one year from now? And I thought she was going to very clearly tell me what it is because she's been working on it for so long. And she looked at me and she goes, wow, I don't know. That's twelve months. That's a long time. But it's not really a long time. And when you, especially by the time you get into your fourth quarter, you're like, I don't have time anymore. There's no more time. We got to make sure that we're living intentionally.

So, Michele, you put together some things for people to consider, to live with more intention, no matter what phase in life you're in, whether you're fourth quarter, you're in your twenties, thirties, whatever it is. So let's talk through some of these ideas.

Okay. Well, the first one I noted was developing the clarity necessary to make good decisions. You could say, make good decisions. You could say, make good choices. And one of the things you just mentioned it, you know, look back in your life, your past, what decisions did you make that were critical to where you are today? When I talk to people, some of their regrets are, well, you know, I shouldn't have taken that other job or I should have done this or I should have done that. So now this step really includes that, right? Really reflect on your life and where you've been and what you've done and the choices that you've made, and think about the criteria that you used to make that decision or that choice. So that's what this step is about. This step is about getting real clear, really, really clear about the criteria that you're going to use going forward for the rest of your life.

So looking at what's your mission in life, what's your purpose? What do you want your legacy to be? What's your personal brand? I spend a lot of time with my business coaching clients talking about I want to be a better leader. But what does that mean? What exactly does that mean? Become a better leader in what areas of, you know, what you're doing do you need to be better? So it's looking at, again, looking at all the different aspects of you as a person and how you live your life, the choices that you make and what you want to be, who you want to become. Obviously, we all want to be the best version of ourselves, but what does that look like to you? How do you show up at work? How do you show up at home with your friends, with your family? So it's really reflecting and being super clear about that criteria to make those choices in your life.

So when you are working with your clients on their mission and purpose, which is something that comes up quite often, and I think a lot of people don't have a mission or very clear purpose and they want to have one, right? Like, we're stressed out. We feel like we need to have a mission, but also, I think we overcomplicate it. We feel like it has to be this grandiose thing instead of. No, what truly is the mission that you're on? And it doesn't have to be this huge thing. It has to just be something that is resonating with you that you feel like, again, this goes back to intention. So how can those that are really saying, this is the year that I'm going to write down my mission and have my purpose? What are some questions they can ask themselves to gain a little bit of clarity around that and then have a mission they feel really excited to achieve?

Well, it starts with what matters most to you, right? Is it your relationships? Is it your job? Is it how you show up to people, people you spend time with? Is it the money that you make it's looking at all of those aspects of your life, looking at your physical self, physical relationships, your spiritual side of your life. What matters most to you in those different areas of your life? And are you giving it the time and attention that it deserves? If that's what you really want. So it's a little bit of, again, reflection of where you've been and looking at your future. What do I want to do? What do I want to make sure that I accomplish in this world? And part of it is legacy. What do I want my legacy to be when you're no longer here? Because we're all going to die. No one likes to say that or admit it or think about it. However, we're all going to die at some point. What do you want to be remembered for most? Like I kid, some of my business clients, I said, trust me, I've been to a lot of cemeteries, and there isn't one headstone that says, Michele Marquis, CEO.

You're not going to see the CEO after your name. So what is it that you really want to be remembered for? So those are kind of the questions that you have to ask yourself. What matters most to you? Look at the different areas of your life and then what do you want to be remembered for?

All right, so gain some clarity around your personal mission, your brand. What is number two?

Number two is, and we've started to talk about it, establish what you really need and want most at this time of your life. Because a lot of times what I find people struggling with is the regrets of the past. This is how it always has been. It's being able to let that go and saying, okay, that's what was, but this is what I want it to be. So it's that forward thinking, thinking about how you want the rest of your life to really play out. What are your hopes and dreams? And again, looking at all different areas of your life, not just material things, not just travel, those are usually the two most popular areas. But there's so many other areas, financially, relationships. And sometimes they'll say, well, I want a better relationship with so and so, or this one or that.

Well, how are you going to be more intentional in having that better relationship? And what does a better relationship look like to you? So it's getting even more granular in terms of what does that mean to you? Who else do you need to consider when you're looking at the rest of your life? Who do you want to spend your time with and your energy? And I always say this, when we're going through that workbook and other coaching, too, is to write this down because it will change. There are different things that happen in your life that will change your perspective. Like, at my age, I'm 63, a lot of people are dying. I mean, it has changed my perspective about life. Like, it's very precious and you just don't know when your card's going to get called. So being that, you know, more intentional about it and being realistic about where and when you want to spend the time on your dreams, your goals, all of that. So that's the biggest part of this. I'll call it this.

Step two is really establishing what you need and what you want at this time of your life. Because 20 years ago, totally different goals, dreams, all of that. However, I'm here now, and if I have 25 more years left, I want to be healthy. I want to make sure that I'm spending time with the people that I love. So many times you say, oh, I should call this one, or I should do that. And guess what? Life gets in the way. I'm too busy. Well, what are you so busy doing? Don't regret.

So this is another way that you can be more intentional with your life so that you're not going to have those regrets 20 years from now.

Isn't it so interesting to think that if this was taught, if this was taught when we were younger to go through our life and think about life this way every quarter to really put the, you know, because what you're talking about, it's so interesting because when you're in your twenties, you just think so differently about life and everything's new and you have all these experiences. Then you get into your thirties and then your forties, and what's so funny is sayings are cliche for a reason because they all end up happening. I still, you know, it's so. I talk to my mom all the time where I'll say to her, ugh, you knew all the things. I didn't think you knew them, but. And I didn't listen to them. But to be taught this kind of approach of living is so powerful because we can then understand that every decade or every however many years of our lives, we're going to answer these questions differently. We're going to have the things that are more important, less important.

And it's really interesting to see as we progress in life and kind of you move forward. What really didn't matter years ago matters a whole lot now. And the stuff that we worried about so many years ago, we don't worry about at all anymore. We know that it doesn't matter. And so to be able to have this kind of framework to say that no matter where you are in your life, this is what I love so much about the work that we do, is no matter where you are, you can. Today is the first step.

That's right.

Today is the first step into deciding, okay, what do I want that next? 510, 1520 years. In fact, Michele told me the other day she was talking to someone on the phone and she was in her bonus years because she's in her nineties. That's right. Yeah.

She wanted a discount coaching because I'm in my nineties boat. Anyway, I give her a lot of credit, though. She had already done a lot of this work, so good for her. God bless her. Yeah, for sure.

What do you think is one of the biggest challenges when it comes to establishing what it is that you really want? What holds people back from allowing themselves to really focus on what it is that they do on. We coach a lot of people and a lot of women, I mean, men and women, but we coach a lot of people that. And one of the themes seems to be that they have spent a lot of their lives doing things they should do or doing things for other people or never really putting themselves first. So this, as crazy as it sounds for a lot of people, this is new for them to be able to say, okay, this is what I want, this is my vision, this is my mission, and this is what I'm going to be doing over the next five to ten years. What are some of the challenges that you see? And how can people work through this so that they can actually live their life intentionally instead of it always going towards other people?

That's an awesome question. It is. Number one is fear. It's looking at, what are those fears that you have and are they real? So that's a really, it's a really hard thing to do, is the fears of the saboteurs, the gremlins that talk in your head, you know, that little voice that tells you, oh, you can't do that. You don't have a degree in that. You don't have the, it keeps telling you you can't or you're not good enough. Don't listen to the voice in the head that's telling you you can't if it's a lie. Right.

So it's really facing those fears. And I tell people this a lot. Also, when you're writing these things down, write the little voice down. Also, what is that little voice telling you that is clearly not true. And when you write it down, all of a sudden you see, well, that's not true. You know, I had a friend of mine that drove me crazy. She'd always say, well, I just, you know, I wish I had gotten my four year degree. I wish I had gotten my bachelor.

And I go, why? You have been vice president. You have been this. I mean, she rose very quickly in her career at a time when there weren't a lot of women in high level positions. She didn't need to have that piece of paper to realize the success that she had. But it was just this little Gremlin all the time that really, I could see was eating away at her confidence. And who knows where she could have gone if she had really been coached to let go of that gremlin, that little saboteur sitting in her head telling her she wasn't good enough because she didn't have this degree, this piece of paper. So it's things like that, but it's facing them and it's writing them down. It's acknowledging that you have them.

But are they real? Are they really? You create your own blocks in your life. You can do anything you want to do if you really want to do it. And, I mean, there's so many examples of that, right, in the people that you know. But, yeah, so that. That's a really good question, because it is the fears, and that's in the workbook, too. Talks about, what are your fears? Let's talk about if they're real or not. So, I mean, we talk about one of the biggest fears is, am I gonna have enough money? Okay, let's talk about what that means. What does that look like? So, again, that becomes a whole session in and of itself, just those individual fears that people have, and they create the blocks.

That's my recommendation.

Our minds are so powerful.

No doubt.

So I love that question. What are your fear? What are the fears you have, and are they real? All right, so we have our personal mission and our brand, establish what it is that we need and what we want most, and then what's number three?

Number three is a big one, and it relates back to the other two. And this is learn to say no. Think about when people say, I'm too busy, I'm doing this, I have this and that. However, learning to say no for the bigger yes and the bigger yes, is it serving your mission, your personal brand, what you want and need in your life right now? And if it's not, if there's any doubt in that, then you have to really think about that criteria of your choices and your decisions and whether you want to spend your time doing that or not. This is a big one. Sounds simple, but where are you spending your time? What are those energy suckers that you're really spending your time on that you should be giving to your bigger mission items, your needs, your wants, your mission, your purpose. Because you said it earlier, Kate, a lot of people are people pleasers. Right? They're just pleasers in general.

Right. You want to be there for people. You want to do everything. You can't do everything. It's your life. We all get 24 hours in a day. I don't get any more than you, no matter what. Even millionaires, they don't get more than we do.

They only have so much time. So use it wisely. Take an inventory of your energy. Do those things that really give you more energy and your life will change and you can become more intentional about your life that having that, you know, your mission, your brand, knowing what you want and need, that becomes the criteria or your guiding light for all the other choices for your time and energy. Does that make sense?

Yes, it does make a lot of sense. And it's so hard for so many people to say no. What is an exercise that you can give someone who's like, yeah, Michele, I get it, I understand. I know I should say no, but I feel badlandhouse. I feel bad because I want to be there for my husband or I want to be there for my team, my team member who needs support or help or whatever it is, but which is great. We should all support and help each other. And it's not all about me, me, me. However, for those that kind of continuously put themselves last and they always say yes to everyone, what is an exercise that you can share with someone that they can do over the next week or two so that they don't feel so guilty saying no?

That's another great question, Kate, because it is really hard for people. And I say you have to practice this. This is a habit that you have to put in place and it's something you have to practice. It's not going to be comfortable in the beginning. That's why steps one and two are so important. If you have steps one and two super clear in your mind saying no, it will relieve that guilt that you feel because you want to help. So being able to practice saying, I can't do that for you right now, maybe next week or give them an option or is there anyone else that could help you with that? Not just saying no and not giving them any explanation, but you have to practice your way of communicating. And again, one of the ways could be I can't help you with that right now.

I can next week because I have some time available. But having your own, it has to be an individual way of communicating. But getting really comfortable with your mission and your yes. Right. You want to say yes to those things that you need. You want they serve your mission and purpose in life as much as possible. And I'm not saying that you're going to say no to everything. However, being more discriminatory with the no's will help a lot.

Yeah, it makes it easier to decide going back to your first to number one with the decision making. Our decision making becomes easier when we have a clear mission because then we don't feel bad saying no because when you say yes to one thing, you're saying no to something else. And when you're saying no to something, it gives you that space to in order to do the things that really are meaningful in life. And I think today we just live in such an interesting time where we're constantly on the go, constantly doing things, constantly feeling the need to be productive, constantly like all of this stuff. And so we don't really spend a lot of time in silence and considering these questions or ideas to help us live with more intention. And when we're living more intentionally, everything becomes so much easier. The decisions that we make and then also that feeling of peace in knowing that we can't do everything, but we can do what we can accomplish a lot. It's like one of my favorite, I always think about one of my favorite Matthew Kelly quotes, which is we overestimate what we can accomplish in a month and underestimate what we can achieve in a decade and becoming more of that decade thinker.

And that strategy on, okay, today matters, the things that we do today matters, but what are you setting yourself up for over the next 35, 10, 20 years? And that is exciting. And then we know what we should say yes to and what we should say no to so that we do feel like I know that by then I'm going to have made this impact and I'm going to also feel this sense of fulfillment because you've achieved something that you set out to do however many years ago or months ago or whatever that looks like.

Exactly. Well, that's why with the fourth quarter, when your realization really starts to hit you, reality. Right? Like at 25, I'll be 85. And I know 85 year olds, so I'm like, I'm looking at them going, whoa. Okay. I have some work to do, and I have to make sure that I'm really spending my time the way I want to spend my time right now so that I can be my best 85 year old self and be happy and satisfied in all aspects of my life.

Yeah. And that your 63 year old self would be proud of. That's what I always think.

Right.

Like, by the time you're 85, you could look back and be like, I'm so proud of that 63 year old Michele, who made these decisions for me.

That's right. That's right. No doubt. It's interesting. Very interesting. It's a great process to go through, as you said, at any age. But specifically when you're in your fifties, sixties, for sure, it becomes urgent. More urgent.

There's more urgency.

Yes. You have no more time to waste. No excuses. No excuses. No regrets. All right, Michele, thank you so much for. I think these are three big ideas for people to consider. If there was one overall takeaway that you could share with people listening to help them gain a little bit more clarity, what is something that you would suggest that they do over the next week to help them live with more intention?

Well, obviously, this is the time to discern and really embrace what matters most in your life. But I have an exercise for you all to do, and that is over the next two to three weeks, ask yourself what matters most every single day, and I want you to sit with it for a few minutes every day for two to three weeks, and really allow all that wisdom of your past experience to guide your answers to what matters most. And think about all aspects of your life. And just write it down every day. Just write it down. Read what you wrote the day before or two days before. Really just do this exercise two to three weeks and see what you come up with. See if you can really clarify your yes.

I'm going to say it that way. Just clarify your yes. So you can use that as your guiding light. That's it.

I love it. And if anybody would like to walk through this process, I mean, we've been talking a little bit about what this fourth quarter coaching experience is like. These are obviously some of the questions that we ask our clients. And so if you're like, yes, I am totally ready. I want to gain more clarity. I want to live with more intention, and I do. I want my, the fourth quarter of my life to be the best part of my life ever, which it totally can be. When you are more intentional, then we would love to have a conversation with you.

You can go to a Floyd coaching.com and fill out a form, and then we'll have someone on our team reach out to you to talk about whether it's fourth quarter coaching or dream manager life coaching or whatever. Wherever you are in your life, we can help support you through our coaching experiences. And so we hope that we get to hear from you so that we can support you in guiding you through this journey to help you become the best version of yourself, no matter what age you are. Right, Michele, thank you again. You are awesome.

This was fun. It's good.

All right. And thank you all so much for listening. We so appreciate you. And until next time, Lead With Culture.