The fear of being judged is one of the most significant barriers that can hold us back from making meaningful changes in our lives. Sara explores how this fear manifests in various aspects of our decisions, whether they are big or small, and emphasises the importance of recognising and confronting it.

Sara encourages listeners to reflect on who they fear judgment from and why that judgment matters to them. By nurturing self-validation and focusing on personal goals, individuals can begin to overcome this fear and embrace the changes they desire. The episode also highlights that as we evolve, it’s natural for some relationships to shift, and that we must be prepared to face these challenges with courage and self-awareness.

Embarking on a journey of personal change often brings with it the weight of fear—fear of judgment from others and, perhaps more insidiously, fear of judgment from oneself.

In the latest episode of the podcast, Sara tackles this complex issue head-on, shedding light on the pervasive nature of judgment and how it serves as a formidable barrier to self-actualization.

Episodes referred to:

Episode 8 - Beating Imposter Syndrome with Clare Josa

Episode 18 - Lisa's story - Coming out as a lesbian in her 50s and judgements

Episode 20 - Jennifer's Story - Losing over 13st and judgements

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LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/saraburton/   

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@startoverwithsara  

Website: https://www.saraburton.co.uk/  

Through a blend of personal anecdotes and insightful observations, Sara invites listeners to explore the sources of their fears, guiding them to recognise that the judgments we dread often reflect our own insecurities rather than the opinions of others. The episode encourages a vital introspection that paves the way for understanding and ultimately overcoming these fears, emphasising that the first step in the journey is acknowledging who we fear judgment from and why it matters to us.

Sara provides actionable strategies for confronting and transcending the fear of judgment. She emphasises the importance of cultivating self-awareness and nurturing self-validation, proposing that individuals must learn to trust their own judgment over external opinions.

This empowering perspective shifts the focus from seeking approval to fostering an inner sense of worth and purpose. Sara further presents the idea of small, incremental changes—encouraging listeners to practice facing their fears in low-stakes situations first. By testing the waters with minor adjustments to their lives, individuals can build confidence and resilience, gradually fortifying themselves against the fear of judgment that looms over more significant changes.

The essence of the episode is a rallying cry for listeners to embrace their journeys of self-discovery with courage and authenticity. Sara's insights serve as a reminder that while judgment is an inevitable part of life, it does not have to dictate one's choices or hold one back from pursuing their true desires.

By fostering a culture of support and understanding within communities, listeners can find strength in shared experiences and take bold steps toward the lives they wish to lead. This episode not only provides valuable tools for overcoming fear of being judged but also inspires a collective movement towards living fully and unapologetically.

Ah, yes.

The fear of being judged.

Does it sound familiar?

It's one of the biggest things that can hold us back when we want to make a change.

And I'm sorry to tell you this, but if you are going to start over and rise in anything, this will happen.

There will be people out there who are going to judge you.

Thing is, they're going to do that anyway.

So you may as well do what you want.

And in this episode, I'm going to take you through how you can get over your fear of being judged so that you, you can live a life that you want.

Let's get started.

Are you finding that after decades of pouring yourself into everyone and everything else around you, you can now put yourself first, only to realize that you've lost sight of who you are and what you want, and you can't even remember what it was like to be able to focus just on you.

If life has evolved and changed and you feel it's time to step into a new identity and redefine your everyday purpose so that you can make the most of this new freedom and the opportunity it brings, then you're in the right place.

Now is not the time to be settling for less, drifting aimlessly and waiting for someone to need you.

Now is your time to start over and rise into your next exciting chapter.

If this sounds good, hit subscribe and let's make shift happen.

I'm Sarah, your coach, mentor and host.

I see you.

I've been you.

I've got you.

Welcome to start over and rise.

Hey, gorgeous, it's Zara here.

Thank you for joining me again.

So the fear of being judge, it is big.

It is real, right?

And as I said in the little introduction there, it's one of the biggest things that can hold us back.

It's one of the most common ones.

It's one that I definitely have had in pretty much every single major decision.

But when you really start to think about it, it can be in the smaller decision as well.

And we can dismiss something simply because we don't want to be judged for it.

Start over and rise is about getting better results from things that you want to be achieving.

If we've been doing something time and time again and we're still not getting the right result, it's one thing to start over.

But if you want to start over and rise, we got to start thinking about things in a different way.

And the fear of being judged is exactly the type of thing that we need to be addressing that needs us to do the work behind the work so that we can actually step up despite those fears and do the things that we want to do.

So really, when we want to do anything that's out of the norm, whether it's big or small, it does tend to have a ripple effect on those that are around you.

And his podcast is all about not holding you back, not playing small, really going for the things that you want to do.

So let's start by looking at who do we worry most about that is going to be judging us?

Well, I've got a list here.

I'm just going to rattle through this list.

So let's see how many of these you have as well.

Family, extended family, friends, old work colleagues, people from your past where maybe your relationship with them now is not so good.

Ex partners and their families and their friends.

Your current partner or your spouse, your children and their friends, your friends and extended circle of friends.

Random trolls on the Internet, but the biggest one are ourselves.

Yes, this is self doubt at its very worst, and we're going to be diving into this as well.

But what I want you to do is whatever it is that you want to change right now, I want you to write a listen.

When the fear of being judged comes up, ask yourself, who are you afraid of being judged by?

And write it down.

It's a really great thing to be aware of and to, and, you know, by writing it down, you can see it there in black and white.

These are the people that you are most afraid are judging you.

And it's a great starting point.

And we're going to come back to this in a very short while.

So I want to now look at, why do we even care?

Why does, does this fear of judgment come up?

It's a very human thing.

It's very human for us to want to be part of a community, to be part of the crowd, to fit in, because that's where we feel most safe.

No one wants to go it alone, and there's safety in numbers.

So to be rejected by your community, by your people, so to speak, back in the times when we needed this in order to survive for our very own survival, you know, if you were part of a tribe, for example, you work as a community, work as a team, then if you were rejected by those people, by that community, and you were sort of, you know, cast aside and very much on your out on your own, then you were properly in danger because it would be very, very difficult even to, like, be able to sleep without any kind of protection.

So this is a very human thing that is built into our DNA.

But, of course, now we live in very different times, and we can quite easily leave one community and jump into another.

The world is so much smaller now.

And, in fact, we're actually able to be part of many, many different types of community.

So we therefore should, in theory, feel safer.

But nobody likes to be disliked.

Nobody wants to be rejected by anyone.

And so there's always that part of us that really wants to keep us safe and be a part of something that's bigger than just us.

You're just being human.

That that is, in its basic sense, you're feeding those needs that we have in order to be safe and secure and to be loved and to be part of something.

But here's the thing.

Nowadays, it really is very evident that the judgments that hit us the hardest and hold the most fear for us are definitely the ones that we believe are true of us.

We don't want to be judged because we don't want to be seen as not good enough.

You know, those phrases that we judge ourselves by?

Who does she think she is?

You should be focusing on your children, not trying to set up a business.

Imposter syndrome and self doubt are huge.

And this often comes where the, you know, this is obviously part of the.

The root of the judgment.

Now, what I really want you to do is, if you've got some extra time, is check out the episode with Claire Yosa.

It's episode eight, and it's all about imposter syndrome.

And she.

She talks about this.

This is backed by a great amount of research that if we believe those things, then that's what has us feeling a fraud.

That is what makes us worry about being judged, because we think if it's true of ourselves, we really don't want to hear it from.

From anyone else.

So go back and check out that episode if you haven't heard it already, or maybe give yourself a bit of a reminder, because it's really, really powerful stuff.

So now, thinking about the list of people that you just wrote down.

So you're thinking about the activity, the thing it is that you want to change the difference you want to make.

And look at the people that you've written down and ask yourself, why do you care about what they think?

What is it that you think they are going to say?

How they are going to judge you?

You know, get to the very root of it.

Are you afraid they will leave?

Are you afraid they won't like you?

Why do you care?

Why does it matter?

Now, the reason we ask these questions are because we can then do that self analysis and we can become really self aware of it.

So, for example, me being worried about being judged for doing this podcast, who am I to, you know, help people start over and rise?

What is that about?

Well, that fear that I had was that people would do exactly that.

They'd be like, well, who is she to do this?

And really, that was my.

That was a reflection of my own fear, my own worry, my own imposter syndrome.

Another one is, and I've heard this many, many times, you know, let's have an example, people keep them, their businesses small.

I work with women, mainly women, and a lot of them are actually coaches or they're in that service industry or supportive industry.

And one of the things that comes up time and time again is that they may, you know, they're being judged by people who don't get what it is that they do right.

And they're being judged that they are playing at this silly little business, being, you know, this fluffy kind of world of life coaching.

What is it?

Anyway, clearly, that's not my own belief, but I'm saying this is something that comes up.

And the fear around that of being judged is that it's often connected with people think it's not a proper job, that you're not actually working really hard in order to earn the money that you want to earn.

And so it's only really when we dive into it that we see that it is an own personal fear.

It's an own personal fear.

And so the fear of being judged is that it's going to be said elsewhere.

People are going to look at you and this is, you know, this fear you have is going to be amplified, and so we keep ourselves small.

And when you start to dive into this and break it down, there's almost an element of, well, why am I even bothering?

What would you know?

Am I really.

Do I really think this about myself most of the time?

No, you don't.

It's just a deep seated, well ingrained belief, a b's belief that you've got about you somewhere that you need to uncover face, heal it, and move on.

So think about what it is that you're trying to do.

Think about where you're actually keeping yourself small.

Who is it that you're most worried about?

And then you can start to work in through it.

All right, so now we get ourselves to a bit of a situation where I.

We realize there is an issue with the fear of being judged.

And you can go one of three ways.

You can let it run the show and just not get started.

This might be whether you want to start a business, change a job, leave a relationship, start a relationship.

Right.

If you got fear of judgment, then it really can stop you and you will just not get started.

How many of us have had dreams or goals or ambitions, things that we've wanted to do, and we've been talking about it for a very long time.

And when you actually get down to the crux of why you're not doing it, it's because you're worried about fearing the judgment that people may have on you.

Do you really want to give them that much power that you don't even get started?

You don't know if you can make it a success or nothing.

It can be a case where you do start, but you keep yourself small.

And this is where you can start to feel a real push pull, a real frustration here, because you know you want to do it.

You know what you're supposed to be doing, but you're just not doing it in the way that you need to do it because of this judgment.

So you've made that first step.

You've got yourself started, but you're allowing this fear.

It is driving all of the decisions, all of the actions that you are making, you are taking or not taking.

So the third area is when you get this fear massively under control, and then you're able to think the way that you want to think, you're able to take the actions and you can be true to yourself.

And this is where you are prepared then to go all in on what it is that you want despite the fear.

You know it's going to be uncomfortable.

You know there are going to be things you're going to, you know, really have to get uncomfortable about in order to push forward in the right kind of way.

So my question to you is, which one are you choosing now?

And what is the cost of you upholding this fear of being judged?

What are you not achieving right now?

How are you compromising yourself?

What are you playing small in?

And what is the price that you are paying for this in the long term?

I mean, you can future cast yourself here.

You know, if you continue to say the same, what is going to happen?

If you continue to do something radical or to make that change that you want, despite the fear of being judged by others, once you break through that, you're on your way.

And where could you be in the future?

There.

You know which one you want to do.

And I just want to say that I want to send out a massive, massive hug to you, because this is really hard to work through.

I don't want this to be perceived as you just dismiss what you know, that fear is of being judged.

I don't want it to come across like that.

It isn't the easiest thing, but it is definitely possible to get a real handle on this enough so that you can move forward.

And that's what we want to be able to move forward.

So what do we need to do next?

We need to go detective.

And if you're new to me, this is something that.

This is always a stage for me, because when we go detective, we become properly self aware.

So what does your fear of being judged actually look like?

So I've got a few things here that may just spark this for you, because we might think, yeah, I am worried about being judged for what I'm doing, but these things here are just the underlying way that it is manifesting itself into your life.

So the first thing, and for me, this has been the biggest one, it's when I become indecisive.

If I become really indecisive about something, I know it's because I can't make that decision, because I'm not actually making the true decision for myself.

This is when you start wanting to please different types of people, and everybody wants something different.

So it's impossible if it starts, if it's something that you're finding is absolutely impossible for you to make a decision of, then look at what is happening.

One of the things I love working with my clients is when I say, okay, so we're going to ask the question, but before we do that, I want you to strip yourself of that social conditioning about what you should be doing right now.

And I also want to strip yourself of all the other potential opinions other people will have that you have going on in your head.

And you know, that judgment is very real.

And if you're honest and you give yourself some time to really think about those things, you'll be able to strip them away pretty quickly, and then you can make your decision every single time.

So if you find yourself being really indecisive, start to think it's not necessarily those things that you're dressing it up as in terms of, well, I don't know how to do that, or it's a tech thing, and I'm gonna have to find somebody to help me.

Generally, it doesn't tend to be those things, because all of those things are easily fixable, they're easily overcome.

So go.

That little bit deeper and ask yourself why you're not able to make these decisions.

And I promise this fear of being judged is going to be in there somewhere.

So it could be another situation where you are really biting your tongue over something.

Maybe someone has upset you or you don't agree with every fiber in your body with something that is going on, but you choose not to speak out because you're fearful of what other people are going to judge you on it, right?

So if you speak out, people might think that you're rude, you're self important.

You're not a very nice person for disagreeing with this person of authority or this person that, you know, most people that I work with have one of these people in their family or their close circle of friends, and it's somebody who is close, classically opinionated themselves.

But if anybody actually questions them, you end up being the one who is massively judged for it.

And if that hits you in any kind of space, then you listen to that seriously, really do see that as this is part of that fear of being judged by other people and how it is manifesting itself yourself.

And sometimes if we're not able to speak off our truth or express ourselves freely, it can really start to eat away at you and hold you back and, you know, chip away at your confidence.

It's worth picking up on these things because if you're doing this on a personal level, you're probably doing it in a much more amplified way in your professional or, you know, in your professional part of your life or in another area of your life as well?

It tends to work like that.

So try to pick up these things when you notice them in any area of your life.

It's amazing.

So it might be as well, it might be manifest in itself that you are.

Do you agree to do something that you don't actually want to do, but you're doing it because you want to be liked, you're doing it because you want to be seen in a good way, because the reverse of that is you're going to be judged as a bad person if you don't do it or you're going to be rejected in some kind of way.

So think about that.

How often are you doing things that you don't want to do simply because you know that fear of being judged by others?

There's a bigger picture here as well in terms of, like, social anxiety and conditioning.

And the more that I get into this, the more I'm helping people start overriding, the more I'm really studying this whole subject, it's so true.

There are so many things that are conditioned into us, especially if you're in your midlife.

Yes, I am that old, but that I've been carrying around with myself and holding them to be true.

But in actual fact, it's just social conditioning.

It's a part of all of those messages that came my way, you know?

And it's interesting, I recently have been looking about sayings that we have and things like, I want doesn't get.

Children should be seen and not heard.

All these kind of things are very inbuilt into us.

And so if we want to speak up and say, this is what I want, I want to be doing this inside us, we are judging ourselves by saying, ah, I want doesn't get, though, that's not the norm.

That's not how you should be in society.

It's very, very interesting.

And I think as I've got older, I very much am questioning things in terms of, like, who says I can't do that?

Because when you actually ask that question, lot of the time it's you, it's you.

And that social conditioning that you have experienced that is actually telling you you can't do that.

It might not necessarily be a real person around you.

It is just an ingrained fear that you have learnt to carry with you through life.

If we're not taking the actions we need to take, why aren't we doing that?

And the majority of the time, it comes down to this, the fear of being judged.

And it.

It fits in so nicely with imposter syndrome and feeling a fraud, because all of those are connected.

And when you don't feel like you're a fraud, when you properly know what it is you want to do and the reasons behind why you want to do it, you don't worry about being judged by other people because it doesn't actually matter.

So go, detective, see where this fear of being judged is infiltrating into your life right now.

And it could be as small as something like you're wanting to change the kind of clothes that you're wearing, the style of clothes.

And it might be, you think, I can't wear that because people are saying I look ridiculous or I'm too old to wear something like that.

I mean, do you know what that brings me on to this one?

For example, women in their fifties now are definitely dressing very, very differently.

We're behaving very differently to how women in their fifties, even 20 or 30 years ago, were behaving.

We are in the gyms.

We are lifting weights.

We are very body conscious in terms of, you know, how we want to look.

And the fact that it's not just about how we want to look, it's how we want to feel.

We want to empower ourselves.

We want to wear fashion that reflects who we are and how we're thinking now.

And I think sometimes there have been things that my daughter has sort of suggested, say, mom, why don't you try these jeans or try this kind of top or.

And there's still something inside of me that's like, I'm too old for that kind of thing, but actually I'm not.

It's just that I've grown up with that.

I've grown up with these subliminal messages as to how a woman should be behaving, insane as it is.

There's an example where I think it was Joan Collins, actually, who once said women over 50 should never wear skirts above the knees because their knees give their age away.

Like, why does it matter?

It's incredible.

Anyway, sorry, I don't.

I.

I went off in a different direction then.

But isn't it true?

It's like, it is that fear of being judged.

I can't wear that because people will say I have old knees.

Really?

Who cares?

What difference does it matter?

If you want to wear it, wear it.

People are going to judge you whatever you do.

So do the thing that feels right for you.

Okay, so now we've got a bit more of a picture of how this is affecting us, how this is affecting you, and we can move on to how do we actually get over this?

The first one is the best way of saying it.

Stop judging yourself.

Understand your own fears and your doubts, and then do something about it.

Empower yourself.

Self awareness, as you will hear me say a million times, because it is not a one and done.

It is a consistent thing.

Self awareness on how these things manifest and show up for you will help you really spot when it's happening.

And sometimes we can go blindly through things and all of a sudden something will happen and we'll go, oh, my gosh, I am sabotaging, or, oh, my gosh, I am reacting to the fear of being judged or the fear of failure or the fear of success, any of those.

So the more we can be self aware, the better, and the quicker we can do something about it.

So for example, here's one of those you don't even know you're doing it.

You could actually be inviting other people's judgment in order to subconsciously back up your own judgments about yourself.

So if you think someone might judge you for starting your own business, but you know there's going to be people that are going to judge you for it, don't tell them, don't bring it up with them.

Don't discuss your fabulous new business idea with someone that you think is just not going to approve, that they're going to negatively judge you for it or just not get it.

Why not work through it all first for yourself so that you really know what you're doing and you feel real confidence about it, and then you are able to spread the word should you wish to, or they'll find out for themselves, but only share with those who are going to support you.

So if you know immediately you're going to be judged by specific people, and I'm just going to say here, you might surprise yourself.

You might get to a point where actually they surprise you and they support you and they're more likely to do that.

If you've really thought through what you're doing and you've got a solid plan ahead of it and you've got that confidence behind you, you might find that people don't judge you in the way that you fear because you've got over that own self judgment.

Recognize the part of you that might be speaking to you as an inner critic or unkindly.

I mentioned this in the previous episode, that part of you is actually trying to protect you.

So remind yourself that that part of you needs to be respected.

But also reminded that you've got this, you are in control.

You know what you are doing.

You don't need its critical negativity.

So focus on where you are going.

Focus on the reasons that you want to be going that way, the reasons you want to make the change, the reasons you want to start this transformational journey and make your why bigger than your fear.

I have said this to myself so many times, and sometimes, you know, if you know your why but your fears are taking over, then you need to really expand on your why.

You need to find another why, you know, because if your why is bigger than your fear, then you can move forward.

So that's the first one.

Stop judging yourself.

Number nurture self validation.

It's great when you share your hopes and your dreams and someone says, wow, that is amazing.

It's a perfect opportunity for you to do it.

You so should do this.

You will achieve that, go for it.

But that doesn't always happen.

So get sure about what you're doing first, because then you don't have to rely on external validation, external affirmation.

So get your reasons solidified, journal them, affirm them, believe them, trust and do the work that you need to do so that you can really bolster you.

Scaffold yourself into taking action.

Take time out to visualize, to listen to your thoughts and your fears and get them into perspective.

You know, address the stuff that's there.

Put structures and routines into place so that you can really keep your dream alive and.

And put those boundaries around it and really protect it and nurture it.

Because when you believe in what you're doing and you trust that you can do it, no one will be able to say anything that is going to stop you.

So a great way to test this out for yourself is pick an example of where you have done something and not had a fear of judgment.

Go back over it and basically pull out all the secret ingredients, pull out all the success bits from it, and then ask yourself, how can you transfer what worked then into what you're trying to do now?

So, for example, I don't care what people think about my podcast.

I care about those that like it and that want to keep listening and that want to binge it.

And the ones that send me the messages saying, I'm so pleased you're doing this.

I'm just listening to you in the car, or I'm listening to you while I'm cooking.

And you really said something that hit me hard today.

Those are the people that I care about.

I'm not bothered about those that don't think that my podcast is any good.

I am still in the very beginning stages.

I am getting better at it all the time.

I'm making mistakes, but it doesn't matter.

I'm not perfect, but the more I do it, the better I get at it.

So someone judging me and my content for my podcast, it doesn't matter anymore.

Because you know what?

Don't listen to it.

If you don't like it, don't listen.

There are plenty of other podcasts out there, so my reasons for doing it are valid.

I know why I'm doing this.

I know how much enjoyment I get out of it.

And here's the thing.

It's very funny that when I have let these things get to me in the past, it's funny how we most fear those judgments and every single time they are from people who do not have their own podcast.

I am open to healthy, you know, criticism and, you know, people who want to give me some advice, but I really am only open to listening to those who are doing it.

And they're out there and they're doing it well, and they're smashing it.

And so, Stephen Bartler, if you're listening, if you're listening, I'm happy to hear anything you've got to say.

Joking aside, right?

It is that when you nurture, when you get, you know, when you go for your own self validation and you refuse, it's nice when you get it right, but when you refuse to rely on external validation in order for you to make the change that you want to do, to do those actions that you need to do so that that change will happen, my goodness, your world will absolutely change.

So the third thing we've got to do is we've got to face that fear, and we've got to accept the worst outcome might happen.

Okay?

It's like what I'm about to say here.

I want you to know that I have personally done this.

I know how it feels.

I know how sometimes you just want to run into a corner, put a blanket over your head, and just want everybody to go away.

I know how this feels, and it will be all right.

Whatever your situation right now is, whatever it is that you want to change, it will be all right.

So I am saying this with a big virtual hug and compassion.

But, for example, one of the common fears that I have heard, when it comes to people who are losing weight, or it comes to people who are starting a business, or it comes to people who want to change their career, whatever it is, right?

That fear of judgment.

Part of that is that it might be that you think your partner will leave you.

It might be that you think if you become successful, it will put them in a position that they don't want to be, it will change the dynamic of your relationships.

And here's the thing.

When you change, when you change, you will be judged.

You will lose people.

It is a fact.

Your life may change in a way that you just didn't see coming.

We're changing all the time.

And sometimes you have to ask yourself, you know, let's take people, for example.

If you met this person now.

So if you feel you've evolved and you've changed and there's some toxicity around your relationship, maybe there's a bit of.

Maybe there's a bit of friction going on.

Maybe there's some jealousy about what you're doing or whatever it is, it does matter.

If there's something now where a relationship is going wrong, one of the best questions you can ask yourself is if I met this person for the very first time now, and they are them and I am me, is this person for me, are they still someone that you would say, yeah, I'm going to strike up a relationship.

This person gets me and I get them and we can be friends forever, or, this is my potential new partner, whatever it is.

Would they still factor in your life?

Because people come into your life all the time and that saying, you know, people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

It is something that when you go through some major changes, you've got to remind yourself about.

I want to remind you that it will be okay.

And if it isn't okay, if it doesn't work out, there'll be a reason for it.

And you have to look at why so that you can move on.

Be okay with accepting it.

As you're growing, as you're changing, you know, people start to question themselves.

They don't want to be faced with this.

This sort of seeing themselves in the mirror of your change.

You know, sometimes that can happen.

They're not doing it for their own reasons, and that's absolutely fine.

Maybe they don't even want to do it.

But by you doing it, it can throw people out.

And it's the same with business, it's the same with money or earning more than someone.

And, you know, that can change their opinion of you.

You don't change your opinion of them necessarily, but they can suddenly look at you and judge you in a different way, and there's nothing you can do about that.

So be okay with this and it may work out better than you think.

Sometimes you've got to just think to yourself.

You can never change someone.

You can't justify yourself to someone else and.

And hope that they will change and come with you on this journey.

All you can do is do what you've got to do for you.

And they may leave you, or you may leave them as an example, but it might also work out for the better.

Your change may inspire them, it may motivate them, and you may go on a journey together.

Okay, so if that is, that's just one example of a fear that could happen, but it's a big one for a lot of people.

You change, they judge, it all goes wrong, you move apart.

So give it some thought, what is the worst that can happen?

And accept that if it does, it's okay.

Face that fear and accept and trust.

So assume the best and accept the worst and that's all you can do.

So I hope you've got something from that one.

It's been a big one for me.

Now the next one is find your community.

Find those people who will support you.

So look for yourself.

Safe community that we talked about earlier, who will support you in this, who gets.

Find those people who gets what it is that you want to do.

And whether that's you want to start wearing a purple hat and yellow boots every day, or whether it's that you want to hike a mountain, hike up a mountain in the rain.

But it can be really hard for, you know, if all your friends want to drink cocktails and stay in fancy hotels and they just don't get it, then find the community of people wherever they do.

And if you happen to like both, then you can be a part of both communities.

As I said earlier, we are in times where you can connect with so many different people, sets of people, different groups.

And you know, the world today is we can have lots of different networks of people.

You can have your people that you go hiking with.

You can have people that will help you and get it, that you want to be starting a coaching business.

You can find people who are writing books or creating podcasts or changing careers or getting divorced or anything you want to be making a change on.

There will be a group of people that are doing the same thing.

And of course, I'm obviously going to tell you that there's my community where you can join and start over and rise.

You'll be among people who are doing the same thing in all areas of their life.

So they'll understand it, they'll get it.

They'll understand you.

You find your people, get involved, give as much as you receive.

Okay?

And no, you know, find the people who are going to judge you in a positive way.

How about looking at like that?

That's very powerful.

Okay.

So my fifth thing, my fifth recommendation of how to get over this fear of being judged is to practise on the little things.

Now this is starting to become a theme on this podcast because like anything, if you are trying to learn new skills and changing and being okay with change, self coaching, trying out self therapies, all sorts of things like that, if you can start on the little things, the process is the same.

So start with something small that you might feel you're being judged on and flex the arm of getting over this fear.

So here are a few examples why not change your hair colour or your.

Or a hat.

Wear a hat or do something slightly different for your self image.

And before you do it, challenge your own judgments.

Think about who is going to judge you, why you care about it, and all the things that we've talked about here.

And then when you feel confident about it, just do it.

Okay?

And see what happens.

You probably find there'll be more people who say, oh, my gosh, I love what you've done with your hair, or, that hat looks amazing on you.

Should it?

Why have you never worn something like that before?

Right.

It's just testing it out now.

One of the things that I have done on a smaller basis is have.

I'd never been to a pub on my own.

I'd never gone out for a drink by myself.

Right?

I'd never gone to eat in a cafe by myself.

I've never been to the cinema alone.

But now I've done all of those things.

But I was.

So what would people think?

You know, oh, my gosh, if someone sees me in the cinema by themselves, they're going to think, I don't have any friends, I don't have a partner who will go with me or, you know, like, those are just judgments.

And they were my own judgments.

Okay.

And by doing it, it was so much fun.

Honestly, going to the cinema for the first time by myself, I had no idea how much I would enjoy it.

I haven't done it for a while, and just talking about it makes me think I'm going to do it again.

But what it taught me about myself was, in a small way, I don't care what people think.

I wanted to see this movie.

No one else was around when I wanted to see it.

I was desperate to see it.

I'm just going to go by myself.

I'm not going to worry about how I may be judged.

And that started off me doing other things as well, because you can go, well, you know what?

I did that I can do this.

So test out the process for yourself.

Go into that pub and buy yourself a drink.

Think about before you go and do it.

Your reasons why you want to do it.

It.

Validate yourself, maybe get the support from someone, you know, who has done it before.

So they can't come with you, but they've done it and they'll tell you, listen, just go do it.

It's fine.

Right.

Find your.

Your support mechanism there.

All right.

Now, on a final note, there are two amazing women that I have interviewed.

Well, there's quite a few amazing women that I've interviewed on this podcast, but in line with what we've been talking about today, I would love for you to check out episode 818.

Now, in episode 18, fabulous Lisa, she talks through, she tells her story, her start over of coming out in her fifties, she talks through.

And there's plenty of judgment around that, right?

Imagine the fear that she had.

She was a corporate wife, a mother of six, and she's coming out as a lesbian.

Right?

So much there.

Listen to her story.

Now, it's not necessarily that this is exactly the scenario for you, but listen to how she talks about those fears of judgment and how she overcame them, because it is incredibly inspiring.

And Jennifer's story in episode 20, Jennifer lost a huge amount of weight, right?

A huge amount of weight.

And she talks about her journey, how she did it.

And there were people, I won't give it all away, but there were people that judged her on some of the ways that she did it.

Okay?

And she also is very, very empowering, very inspiring in terms of, you know, how to get over that fear of judgment and do it for yourself.

So what were your takeaways from today?

What has resonated with you?

What has sparked some response?

Something for you to go, oh my gosh, this.

This is me.

I can't be like this anymore.

I do not want to continue to be staying the same.

I cannot let the fear of judgment hold me back any longer.

What has inspired you to take action now?

I'd love to know.

So that's all I have for you today.

Thank you so much for joining me.

Have a great week and I'll leave you with these final words.

If you loved this episode, don't forget to subscribe and follow the podcast.

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And if you're ready to go deeper and accelerate your personal development, your start over and rise in whatever it may be, then go check out Sarahburton dot co dot Uk.

There you'll find resources and courses and ways that you can work with me should you be ready to do so.

And finally, remember, in order to start over and rise to win, you must first start over and rise within.

It's cheesy, but I love it.

Thanks so much for joining me.

I'll see you soon.

Take care.

Bye.