The (Unhinged) Healing Happy Hour returns, and it’s toasting to authenticity and personal growth.

In this episode, Crystal and Vienna revive their beloved 'unhinged happy hour' and dive into discussions about authenticity, personal growth, and self-care. They explore the complexities of revitalizing personal style, skincare routines, and the journey to self-acceptance. 

The conversation also touches on professional challenges, the importance of mental health, and the power of movement. They stress the significance of leaning into discomfort, prioritizing one's own needs, and the vital role of community and support. The episode wraps up with an empowering card reading from the Divine Feminine Oracle, emphasizing the divinity within each individual and the power of love.

Challenge: Figure out where your voice is needed, and how you can start to share it.

Links:

• Glossier Cloud Paint
• Nourishing Journey - Columbia, Maryland
• Divine Feminine Oracle Deck
• Good Story Branding Podcast Production
• Interlude music by Tech Oasis from Pixabay

Find Us:

• Crystal
• Vienna
• Healing Happy Hour

Music by FASSounds on Pixabay

Oh

we go,

the unhinged happy hour return.

Seriously, it's been long enough, right?

I just want you to know that I haven't done this in forever,

and the cat is like, Oh, girl, what?

Like, she's ready.

She's ready to disrupt my shit.

I feel like she has gotten so adult cat.

She officially turned four.

a real grown ass woman now.

We love her.

oKay, so sometimes we still call her Diddy.

Cause like, she answers to it.

Yeah.

But, Ditten.

For some reason, like, Javi started calling her Ditten.

That's

cute.

calling her Ditten Kitten.

And so like, Ditten is really like, or sometimes we call her

Titty, courtesy of Monica, who is a longtime friend of the show.

What blush are you wearing, by the way?

Glossier, you

like it?

good.

It looks so good.

I do have the unfortunate nature of being, um, too fucking light.

This is the season where I start to look dead and need to like apply bronzer like

I am a white woman from Staten Island.

Don't come at me.

I look like horrendously pale.

And so if I'm not wearing some color, I look like a snowflake.

You look ador like, I don't know what else you're

wearing in terms of makeup.

You could do a whole, like, get ready with me.

But, it looks so cute.

I've actually pared down the routine because like, I don't have time.

It's very clean girl.

I look like I maybe slept like so honest to

Harmonious,

oh That's a word.

You must have a master's degree or something like

Oh, she must be educated.

A couple months ago I was like, I'm like going through,

remember, I think we talked about this.

I was going through like big, still am, um, like a style revamp.

And kind of like figuring out what my style is and like, you're never going

to catch me not loving like a bold lip.

Right.

But what I wanted to concentrate on was like my skin looking

good, like age and like vanity.

I'm like, okay, I don't have a lot of money to invest in like

major skincare or get all of the treatments that one would want.

Right.

But like, let's, let's start to take care.

So I'm like exfoliating and moisturizing a lot and slugging

at night and trying to sleep more.

And I drink a shit ton of water.

A bitch even got a very basic bitch, Stanley, a Stanley.

So we're trying to like nourish and like not be ashy on the inside so

that it's not ashy on the outside.

I'm also trying to do the skincare thing right now.

I feel especially, You know that Botox comes from Ireland.

So we're about to have some tariffs on our Botox, which is why your girl has bangs.

Because it's gonna, it's gonna be a little while before we

get back in for that Botox.

So I've been trying I've been trying to work in like more retinols,

which I here's the deal I have no idea what I'm doing with it all.

I'm just like trying to figure out a routine that works I'm

using some Paula's choice.

I'm using some

Choice for Exfoliator.

Roche Posay that fancy

That's what I've been using!

La Roche Posay is a bad bitch line.

And it's not Like it's reasonable,

And the products are big too, so you get a lot.

You're not constantly buying, which I do appreciate because once

I run out, I forgot to get more.

I've really simplified my like face wash.

I'm just using like the CeraVe.

I

think it's the CeraVe

same.

I use an oil to foam for like

Oh, yeah, I've seen that.

I, I use just their like basic like cream in that big ass pump.

It's like 13.

I like it.

Hell yeah.

Oh girl.

I don't know.

I feel like I still have some redness, but that's

You look good.

You look good.

Yeah.

I mean, you always look good.

It was like a good bad bitch.

I would tell you, I'd be like, Oh

Thanks.

Well, it was a little crusty there for a little while, but we're getting out of it.

Same.

Let's let's get into it because Bitches have been tired.

It's been It's been real.

We've been going through it.

You, okay, the last time we were here on the pod, you were interviewing for jobs.

You had just gotten laid off.

You were getting on your fitness though.

You were very much like making movement a priority,

yeah, yeah, yeah.

which I remember being like, Oh my gosh, she's stressed to bits about work

and she's still making herself a priority and like mental health and movement and

all that so, okay, so update from there

Oh my god.

Okay, so, I had gotten laid off.

Again.

And at the same time, someone's crusty, musty, dusty son had stressed me out.

Oh, yes.

I I forgot all about that man

as we should

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like

about them, but

but

the time I was like heartbroken, but mostly, mostly

because I was just like, this is dumb.

Even the most like healed person can make a fucking mistake and I'm not

even anywhere all the way near healed.

So like you can imagine, but, long story short, someone's musty, crusty, dusty son

had a whole girlfriend while somehow like prioritizing me for like a few weeks.

So it was a lot after that I was like fuck this and I did stop dating for a while

And I'm really glad that I did because what it did do was force me to be like

girl Prioritize your shit and one of the things that I realized is how much you

you hold I mean not I didn't just realize it but it was like Crystal you got to

address some of the stuff in your body.

Like what it did was like stir up all this anger and frustration.

And I was like, you cannot internalize it.

Cause I always say, and I'll say this until I die, that women

will cannibalize themselves, but men will cannibalize everything.

Right.

Instead of me getting out all of my, like, anger and sadness and

frustration, I was internalizing it all and it was affecting my health

and I was like, no, we've already come too far to make this mistake again.

So I was like, we're going to go, we're going to go to the gym and we're going to

try not to, um, focus on like the physical outcome, but more on like the mental

health and just the fact that I need to be here to get whatever this stuff is out and

Laura, my bad bitch of a personal trainer.

She's amazing.

I've been working with her since COVID times.

She ramped up my workouts and I, I didn't have a job.

So I was going to the gym a lot and I noticed that if I didn't

go, I didn't feel as great.

So, I try to go four to five days a week, and it's, it's paid off a lot.

Um, and I feel really, really good about it.

Prior to that I was doing well, but like now I'm doing even better.

Full stop.

Your girl is on a semi glutide, and I'm not ashamed of it.

At all.

I have struggled forever.

I have PCOS and then after my hysterectomy, like I, you know,

I gained a shit ton of weight.

And this is the first thing I've ever done for myself in my life where

like, I'm like, oh, this is what it's like to live without food noise.

or to not feel sluggish or sick all the time.

And that combined with me going to the gym so much and really focusing on weights and

low impact cardio has changed my entire body composition and the bitch looks good.

Okay.

So I'm like 45 pounds down since May and that's great.

I'm happy with that.

At the same turn, I did do a lot of turning inward and focusing on

trying to find the right position.

And I did, I landed an amazing job that, I'm still like in the

administrative support field.

Um, and I, I love it because I liked the organization that I work for

and I have the most amazing team.

I work with four other women who are like, we're all roughly the same age.

Actually, I think we range from like 28 to like 42, maybe, we vibe so well.

And it's almost like, God was like, Hey, if you have to work here are the people

that you're going to love working with.

And I have never in my life been like totally fine with going to

work every day for the most part.

Like, so I don't want to like physically go to work, but once I'm there, I'm

like fine being there because I like my boss, I like my work, for the most part.

And I love my team and it's been really, really good.

And I've just been trying to lean into that and lean into

myself and lean into the boys.

And, um, I am, I am, I am dating, I'm dating still.

Um, but in a much more intentional way.

there's no crusty, musty, dusties.

I was gonna say like do you have any dating updates you want to give us?

Because I'm nosy.

Oh my god, so, so, okay, so I'm definitely dating.

Okay, part of this might have to get cut,

but I'm going to

you.

I will say for the pod that yes, I am dating again and I'm very happy.

Um, with where I'm at and, um, I am dating someone who was really

lovely and yeah, it's good times.

It's good time.

So yeah, I'm feeling like a lot of the dragons that I

was slaying are more subdued.

The only, the only obviously like the failing state of the world and,

the economy, like, like I'm broke.

But, but also like, I, I am like, I don't have, let me rephrase this

because that's not good practice.

I don't have everything I want, but I do have everything I need,

Alright,

I mean, I was gonna say that's all we can ask for.

That's not all we can ask for.

We can ask for more.

going to ask for a lot of shit.

I hope I get it.

Yeah.

But I have, I'm blessed.

I have a good job.

My boys are happy and they're healthy.

They don't want for anything.

And, um, my car died and my parents legit gave me their other car.

So I don't have car payment and a bitch is really pleased with that.

My

blessing.

Oh my gosh.

No car

ass is fatter.

Amen.

Praying for a thick ass and no car payment.

That is doubly blessed.

And I need to know, like, I want everybody to know

that Vienna is killing it.

I don't know about that.

I am positive.

She's never going to toot her horn, but I will toot her horn.

Like fucking Dizzy Gillespie in this bitch, because she's doing amazing.

And I want you to tell the people about what you've been up to because I peep it.

Yeah.

I, too, was It got real crusty there for a minute.

I It was rough.

Okay, you and I were talking about this earlier in the week, though.

That, like, it feels like something shifted.

And I'm not even talking about like we could talk all we want about like this

collective awakening that people are talking about that happened between

the hours of two of four four a.

m.

The other day, Like we have that, but it does feel like nothing changed.

This is not about election and politics.

I mean, like before that it feels like nothing changed, but

then somehow everything changed.

It was, it felt like every day was a slog.

I.

Was teaching yoga

doing the things I know I was supposed to do I was not working out as much as

I was supposed to and I think that's a big piece I think that like that's

somatic piece of it of just like working things out of your body is so

important And it's still not great at but you always inspire me for that.

It was, it was just money felt tight.

Things felt scary.

I don't

know.

And it, I mean, money is the same.

It's not like these things have changed.

Like

it's it's still not good.

But I don't know, they're, I think I allowed for moments of joy to

pop up like me and my mom went to Italy together for two weeks.

And I

Oh my God.

That trip.

It was like the beginning of a shift also where I was like, I think

the thing that I'm really bad at, and it's something that I've been struggling

with this week as well, is holding two things at the same time, of like, things

can be really hard, and it's okay to have this moment of joy, and to like,

be

okay

duality, baby.

And like, even like this past week, I think that's where I've

really been struggling, that it's like, Everything feels terrible.

And then I heard from a friend, her son got an IEP and like, she's

been fighting for this for months.

And she just had the meeting and things went really well.

And like that joy, that gratitude, like my mom's, her health is doing really well.

And like that gratitude.

I'm so happy to hear that.

You know, I love your mother.

But then like, I have this like these waves, right?

So you hear this good news.

And then I have it for a second.

And it just turns to rage and anger and be like,

Well, what the fuck?

And We can't even enjoy it as much as we should.

it's very both.

And it's very both.

Honestly, I feel like we've already been in that space for a while.

Just speaking for myself.

think I got complacent, got lazy.

I, I think thing, like the noise turned down.

It didn't, the urgency was gone and

can I challenge that language and say not lazy and complacent?

But in need of rest and recovery before the next push

yeah, yeah, I hear that.

I think, I think you're right.

I think that is what it is.

And it's just like, we are.

Burnt the fuck out.

There's there's less I don't want to say fucks to give because like you

still give a fuck about everybody around you, Although now I'm

calling it considered compassion.

So there's that

not

everybody's just gonna be getting my

my phone lock screen too

it says baby one thing I don't give is a fuck because I don't

but like I know what you mean.

I think what it is is you have a much better understanding of stuff that

matters and stuff that doesn't and like where your energy is going to

And what's deserving of our compassion to like, if you're going

to, if somebody's going to sit their ass in that fire and refuse to get

up and say, no, I like it here.

I like it here.

You know what?

I'm not coming for you.

I'm not going to pull your ass out of the fire.

You sat yourself down there.

You don't want things to change.

So why should I want things to change for you?

Like I'm

not going to

kind of what I want to tell, all of the white women.

Literally, yes.

Like literally speaking exactly to them.

You know what?

You made your bed.

Enjoy it.

You said something that's really interesting about, like, we

lost this energy and this push, but I think that the first time that this

happened, or a couple years ago, like, around COVID time, and everybody was

kind of forced to sit and rest, right?

And we restarted, restarted society again.

We all went back out and, and not even with the same amount of gusto more, it was

like, the expectations are even higher.

We had to work even harder.

Like everything has changed so much, but that period of time during COVID

was for me in, in, in terms of personal and spiritual growth was one of the

biggest points of growth in my life.

And I think that we got to a really good place after that.

And in terms of those things and our creativity, right.

And that's how like this podcast was born.

But.

Now it's like, Oh my God, I'm really tired.

And I feel like it was a sign that we both and many other people also

really, really needed to rest because there is other shit that's coming.

Right.

And I feel like you and I both- when I tell you that Vienna and

I Was it this week or last week?

Or no, it was like probably last week that we both were like, bitch,

we need to get back up in the booth.

Like we were like two, like two rappers that were like, yo, I just made a hit.

And we were like, we need to get back in the booth.

We need to get back in the studio.

Like that, we

Give me a beat.

because we both felt it at the same time.

And it was like.

We are needed now.

This is needed now.

Like a lot of the things that we personally are working on are needed now.

We didn't have time to wait for the perfect moment.

So we were like, no, it's time to like, get up.

It's like something reignited.

Right.

Yeah.

And it's so easy for me to be like, Oh, it's fear that's driving this

need to create to change things.

And don't get me wrong, like, I have a lot of fear.

I'm holding a lot of fear right now for our futures, for

the future of our daughters.

Like, there is fear there.

But more than the fear, and more than the anger, which is powerful.

It's like a tractor beam.

It's like, no, no, no, you cannot be silent now.

And I'm not saying that, like, we are gonna change the world of politics.

We're gonna start only talking about politics or anything like that.

No, no, I think there is just so much power in every individual person using

their voice to speak out and not just silencing themselves for whatever reason.

I think if every Chad has a microphone and is unapologetically saying awful

shit out loud, then everybody should be empowered to also have a microphone.

And, you know, I'm going to get like very, uh, industry here, but I think

what I love about podcasting and when I speak about podcasting, like my podcast

work is not just on this podcast.

I do

be doing shit.

I do like content strategy for other people.

I do some podcast consulting for some clients, some production.

So I love this industry, but what I love most about it is

how democratized it really is.

If you have a 20 microphone and a way to record it, you have

much of a voice as anybody else.

Nobody has to pay for it.

Nobody has to support it.

Nobody has to subscribe to Netflix to get it.

You're not paying a billion dollar industry.

It is literally code that is published to the internet.

Anyone can do it.

Anyone can access it.

There is no way to shut it down.

And the people that we disagree with also know that and they are taking advantage

And we need the people, that feel like, why would anybody

want to hear what I have to say?

We probably do need to hear what you have to say because right now there's

some asshole podcast bro sitting in his mom's basement, telling you how to

treat women, who's over there chanting your body, my choice or some shit.

And we need more people with the hinges on to come in, like, drown that noise out.

Because why do the loudest people have to be the most wrong people?

They are so convinced in what they say is if a volume was

correctness, that that's also what the first graders think when I went on the

first grade field trip, the loudest ones were the wrongest ones, but that's

fine because they are children, but

we are

not

their frontal cortexes are not fully

Exactly.

That's exactly what it is.

So Yeah.

I don't want to be like not all men but like sure not all men there We

we need both Men to also counter those voices by sharing their own

perspectives and be a light and to show young men who to look up to.

So it's not the Andrew Tate's and the whatever the fuck their names

are, like we don't need more of that.

We need some counter programming to that, but they can figure

that one out themselves.

They don't need our help.

Um,

do the work y'all go to go the fuck to therapy.

like seek therapy, whatever money that you're spending

on Zyn, spend it on therapy.

Spend half of it going to therapy.

don't need to pack a lip quite so much.

It drives me crazy.

It's true.

But yes, so that's really what I've been up to is working with some

really cool clients, talking to people.

You've been, you've been hustling.

You've been hustling.

I seated.

I seated.

I love it.

I love it for all of us because This is your jam.

You're, you're very good at it.

It feels really powerful to help people get their message out there.

And to feel confident in it and I think that's something that women struggle

with a lot is feeling confident to say something out loud with their whole

chest and I'm not saying that they're wrong to be concerned about that.

It is really scary because the internet the whatever toxic patriarchy will

come at you the for the mere crime of having an opinion and saying it.

You know, what's interesting.

So we were talking earlier about like my job search.

And I think that around the time I was like interviewing, I was in

the running for two different jobs.

One of them being the one that I have now.

Thank God.

And the other one was one that I thought I really, really, really wanted.

And it was at a small hedge fund, management company.

I don't think like these are bad guys or anything like that.

They actually seem like really wonderful people.

And I really wanted to work there because there was opportunity do

some things in marketing and podcasting and whatever, aside from

managing the office and whatever.

I remember they asked me in my interview, things that I do on the

side and what my experience was.

And I said yeah, I've been doing some podcasting with a friend.

And this was like me, like being a little, little delulu because I am in

my authenticity era where I don't want to hide the major parts of myself.

But I was like, yeah, I do have a podcast with a friend and they were

like, Oh, what's the name told them and I was just kind of like, fuck it.

If they, if they hear this podcast, they are either going to vibe or not.

And I remember that I was fully expecting an offer from these people.

And they had very much told me that they were anticipating on making me an offer.

They had just wanted to contact my references.

So they had like four or five different interviews with my references lined up.

This was like on a Friday.

Friday morning, they had canceled all of my reference interviews and sent me

an email saying that they were going in another direction with the, uh, And I am

convinced it's because they listened to the podcast and heard me being unhinged,

which is funny because like you guys, you don't even know it gets way worse.

So, I mean, they honestly, they did me a favor, , because that wasn't

where the universe wanted me to be.

But, um,

I think

that's

what's hard.

Like, it's, it's a gift, but also it's hard to be like, I gave you an opportunity

to look at my authentic self, and I didn't really want to even give you that.

I didn't

want

didn't want to do that.

I felt like I had to.

And it's okay.

you could have said no, sure.

But like, I think in that moment, you're also, you're at an interview.

So if you say no, it's even shadier.

Like, you have to

then they're like, I'm going to look for her podcast.

Cause she's

Right.

So you have to do this split second calculus, how do I handle this?

Which

an unfair position to be put in, but like, you can't, you can't call that out.

Otherwise, that's a red flag.

I mean, it's it's hard.

And I'm sorry that

Oh, it's like no no

glad you landed where you

Like very much like what the fuck.

And I was more irritated that they had like wasted my time because I had

arranged childcare to like, whatever.

Talk about blessings in disguise because I landed exactly where I was supposed to be.

And it's just so funny that it happened that way, because at the

time you couldn't tell me, like, I was like, man, what the fuck?

Meanwhile, I work, I work literally less than a mile from that place.

I think what's disappointing is that realistically it might not even

have been any of the specific things that you had said on the podcast.

It might just be that they don't want someone who also has their own platform

and who speaks out on things and they don't want the risk or the whatever of

someone who's gonna say something out loud

And they're, and they're totally within their

right to have that by the way.

I understand like businesses, business and whatever.

Also, when it comes to the level of authenticity that I'm trying to

incorporate in my day to day life, I want to make sure that as much as I can, I am

able to show up as my full self everywhere because, you know, when you spend the

better part of your life masking for various reasons, it becomes exhausting.

And I don't want to do that.

yeah.

I'm not, I'm not going to do that.

So ultimately it was, it was a good thing, but it's true that there are some

things that you are just going to have to let go of, and be at peace with.

But then there are also moments where you're like, you know what?

No, I'm going to stand in this.

And I think that, I think for both of us too, our little corner of the internet,

this is a place we want to stand in.

This isn't something that I think either of us are willing

to be like, I'm ashamed of that

or like, or hide it.

I don't think we come from a place of wanting to harm anyone.

And I think if we ever did, I think we

would be

accountable for it.

Like I don't, I'm not saying that, right?

It's like impact over intention.

So yes, our intention is never to harm anyone.

truthfully.

I mean, some of y'all really deserve it though,

uh, yeah, some of them hoes.

No, no, no, just playing.

I don't mind if their own actions, that's on them, but our intention will

never be to harm anyone that's what

So I definitely, I went back to the healing space y'all.

I've been like largely out oF it since separating and then divorcing.

I did a little bit after I initially moved.

I was not in a frame of mind to do any of that.

And every time I would ask my guides what to do, they were like, Nothing.

Don't do anything.

So I didn't.

I didn't do anything.

I like, I got as far as making my website and revamping my message a bit.

And that really isn't going to change.

I was like, Oh, I don't want to like relaunch myself until I have a, B and

C done like new business cards, new headshots, new, and it was like, girl,

we don't have time, we don't have time for you to waste on any of that.

You need to get back the fuck to work.

And so I did just literally like two weeks ago, I signed a contract to practice

energy work and Tarot out of a space here in Columbia called nourishing journey.

So fucking cool, beautiful site.

And decided that I'm not going to be over branding my shit my, my

thinking is very much like, Does the bog witch have a business card?

She, she might, and I need a business

listen, everybody knows, everybody knows just show up at the

bog, you're gonna find your witch.

Go underneath your nearest oak tree, call my name three times

and it might appear whatever it is.

I just needed to get back to work and I, that push, it came literally at

the same week as we were like, Hey, you and I need to get back to work.

So

I'm gonna say something that is going to get me blackballed from every

marketing thing that I've ever done.

But I think there is a difference between using marketing and branding to support

your business and going all in and saying, my marketing, my branding, my

brand, everything I touch, my website, everything has to be unified and perfect

before I can start doing the thing.

The hot take is that I think that sort of need for perfectionism and for appearances

to matter more than the actual output in the product is very much a symptom or

a byproduct of white supremacy culture.

People have talked about perfectionism being in line with

white supremacy culture, and I think we can divest from that as well.

I'm not saying don't have a website, don't create materials out in

the world that you agree with.

I'm not saying that at all.

are in a digital age after

right?

You still have to like do that and you should have a cohesive voice.

You should be thoughtful and intentional about how you put things out.

However, it is that need to have polished perfectionism, um, to cover

all bases, have everything just so, so there's no way for anyone to, you know,

find a little chink in your armor and get in there and begin to unravel it.

Let the work and the product and what you're doing speak for itself.

don't need 47 different headshots that are all within the same one

color palette and designed by the same person with the exact same filter.

That stuff is beautiful.

Sure, it might come in time or it might not, but don't let that be the thing

that stops you from doing the work.

If what is stopping you from sharing your gift is the fact

that like you haven't gone on to Canva and like created a massive

brand kit for everything like

y'all we don't have time.

Yeah.

Do they have a place in the ecosystem?

Sure.

But if you have something to put out in the world right now that the

world needs Today, just put it out.

Just start getting it out We can you can refine all the other stuff later,

but just

start getting it out

There's no better voice either that than, than

the one that you already carry.

You don't need to do a whole bunch of planning to speak as yourself.

That was the roadblock for me.

It was like, oh, I wanna sound like, what do I wanna be perceived as?

Honestly, uh, one of the things I've been unpacking this year is like how I, I.

I am very, um, avoidant is a word that my therapist might use, but, I

have a fear of being perceived, but I desperately want to be perceived.

And it's for me, a form of masking and it's obviously a response to some

trauma and stuff like that, but like the healing and freedom that comes

from you not doing that and just saying what you need to say without it feeling

like it has to be perfectly crafted is very liberating and very healing.

That it is what it's going to draw people towards you.

If there is something that you're wrestling with, like, please,

please do it because we need it.

Like you said, the other stuff, it, it will come, it will come,

like you can always refine.

It could be years before you figure out

It doesn't have to come first and I think a lot of people have had the

experience that you've found somebody Maybe then you're like, oh my gosh,

this person knows so much and look at this beautiful branding and look

at this website Oh my god, they're so professional and then you have a

real conversation with them and you're like, okay The emperor has no clothes.

Like all they are is a beautiful website and purchased followers.

And that's all that's there.

You're right.

The bog, which doesn't have an expert branding kit,

No, she, you know where to find her.

That's another thing that's funny when I was doing this with the last time we

were like, you know, hot on, on our shit.

Right.

I only wanted to do like individual coaching and I've

been like that for years.

I was like, I don't want to work in groups.

Everything else was pointing to me not, like, that's not,

that's not what you're gonna do.

That's not gonna be like your thing.

You need to be in community spaces.

Completely different out view on that now.

I, well, I did not wanna do any, like, community events or like,

I wanted to not be perceived,

Yeah,

I didn't wanna do stuff like that.

And now I'm like, this is the only way

I think we've bonded before over both not wanting to be perceived also

desperately wanting to be perceived at the same time, and the discomfort of

that balance, and really the fact that when you allow yourself to be perceived,

you're opening yourself up to threat.

And I think this like trauma that you and I both share, and I think what

I've learned over the past couple of years is that It doesn't matter how

much context, you give how much you cover everything, how perfectly smooth

the icing on your cake is If someone is determined to misunderstand you

and misrepresent you they are going to do that no matter what you do.

There's no way to protect yourself from that.

They are going to find something or they're going to just claim something and

it doesn't matter and if somebody's so determined to misunderstand me Then like,

There's nothing you can do about it.

It's never going to be about you in the first

No, and it's not worth the energy to fight it.

And when I say fight it, I also mean like preventatively fight it.

Spend all this time and energy to present yourself as pure perfection so they can't

find anything wrong, because they're still going to fucking find something wrong.

Yeah.

And that, that's the acceptance.

It's like 110%.

As a black woman, I can tell you like trying to convince people who

are committed to misunderstanding you is an absolute waste of your

energy and just stop doing it.

Stop doing it.

It will wear you out and it is literally like pouring your energy

in the glass and giving it to someone else to consume every day.

Just don't do it.

They

women,

it.

They

they don't.

that part of you.

and you will destroy your soul trying to give them what they want.

And the truth is, it's never going to be what they want, because what

they want is to misunderstand you.

What they want

is to be able to keep other people down and to put themselves above others.

I think it's gotten so much worse and worse and like on a humorous

side of it, have you seen the like bean soup theory on the internet?

I see it everywhere.

So basically like the whole concept that somebody is going to make a

recipe for bean soup and share it on the internet and it's like this

bean soup that they work so hard on.

They make it all the time.

It's wonderful.

People are always like, Oh, share that recipe.

And they share that recipe.

And somebody comments, well, like, what if I don't like beans?

And it's like, well, this isn't for you then, like, I do not have to

make this soup in every potential modification for every person who

doesn't like a certain specific thing.

If you don't like beans, then find another fucking recipe.

This bean soup ain't for you.

It's not it like it like and that's okay,

it's a

And also, it's not your job then to say, Oh my gosh, honey,

baby, you don't like bean soup.

Let me try to find another alternative for you.

There's a whole goddamn internet, they can find another soup.

It's not my problem.

Choke on these beans.

I

Fuck the fuck it.

Fuck it.

Stop listening to these people.

Bean obsessed people.

Well, actually the the dense bean salads are very good

fucking love a dense bean salad.

That changed my life.

That got me through the fall.

Yep.

But let me just tell you so my mentor who she's amazing she helped

me, land this awesome experience at Savage Mill near us called, it was

called, um, Girls Night Out where you can go shopping through the mill and

you can have drinks and you can hang out and it was for Halloween and you

could dress up and all that stuff.

And we were Tarot reading at this event.

She hooked me up with this awesome gig and I got the best fucking clients ever.

It was my first time, by the way, first time reading publicly in person

like that because I normally have ever only done like virtual sessions

unless like your home girl mine.

You're sitting in my living room We're definitely gonna read some cards, right?

But like I had never done that before work with clients in person, and I

thought I was gonna be awful at it.

I was very very nervous But one of the things I committed to on my 40th

birthday was continuing to do things that would make me uncomfortable And

so I'm now at 41 and I'm continuing to be horribly uncomfortable all the time

But in a good way that is my growth So, the women that came into my booth

for tarot readings, I, I hope that they know how much they were healing for me

as like their readings were for them.

Because so many of them were women who were like significantly

older, like fifties, sixties.

I had someone in their eighties.

She was the best.

I'll tell you about her in a minute.

But all of these women, the thing that they had in common was that like,

there was something that they wanted to pursue or something they wanted

to do or something that wanted to be perceived and they were all afraid of

like what that meant and the judgment that they would get from other people.

And it's interesting because like the way I read tarot, I'm

not a fortune teller, right?

I'm going to be the energy around the situation.

And a lot of the time, what I like to do is say like, Hey, if

you don't have a specific thing you want to ask on, that's okay.

We just have a conversation and I shuffle and the cards would fly out because

my guides are extra and they'd love to have the cards hit my face and shit.

And I was like, is there anything in particular you wanna know?

Like what's on your heart?

And they were like, no, I just wanna see like what comes up.

And I'm like, okay.

And so many of them had this message of like, there is something that

you wanna do or something that you wanna say, or something that you

wanna get involved in and you're really worried about the judgment.

And here's why you need to not worry about it.

I want to say like five women, at least six possibly.

One of them was an 80 year old woman who was like madly in love, madly in love.

This one was fly.

Okay.

She was dressed in the nines.

Her hair was silver.

She was a silver Fox.

She was.

Stunning.

And she was in love with this man that was legit in his sixties.

And she told me that everybody was like mad about it because

he was younger than her.

Stay mad.

Okay.

she like, we had a whole conversation about it and she's just

like, but he treats her like gold.

Treat her with absolute, like, preciousness.

Just saw her as a person.

And she said she had never felt like that in her life.

And I was like, who are these other people to tell you not

to receive that kind of love?

And it was not just her, but like many other women who were like, you know

what, I'm retired and this is the second venture I want to go into, or I, I am

sick of my husband doing this or whatever.

And I'm just like, aren't you exhausted because haven't you been doing this

your whole life, doing things to please other people, men in particular,

because you were worried about being perceived as all the things, right.

It wasn't like they were like, Hey, I'd like to quit my very stable job

and try to become an NBA player.

Like it wasn't something impossible.

It was like, I make this art and I'm retired from my original job.

And I really want to start selling it.

I wanna show it to people.

And I'm like, why would you not do that?

Or like,

Okay.

I am sorry.

I, I, think what makes you such a, a gifted healer and energy worker

specifically in the way that you do it is I think you are so tapped into

being able to pull from the energy that you're feeling and to tap into

it and to guide the conversation.

The part that is cracking me up

yes, your guides helped you chain all those messages for five women.

But like, bitch, they were putting a message in front of you.

Like, that was the message that was for you.

That's why they brought five of them in a row

in, in my face, like

this is, this is your message.

This is why we're bringing them in.

This

it's literally like taking your dick out and putting it on the table.

Like they were like, Hey girl, I don't know if you know, but we've been telling

you this for like a solid decade.

like, I'm

going to this one person.

And then it's like, Oh, did you not hear it?

Hang on, bring the next one in, bring the next one.

they just kept bringing the girls in.

And then they show you an 80 year old woman.

And they said, Crystal.

This is going to be you.

You are going to be the 80 year old woman who's still asking

for permission to do the thing

if you don't learn

this

110%.

They were like, shut and listen to what these women are telling you because the

These are your teachers.

These women are here to teach you.

Oh I love that.

You

was wild.

And they were

five times in a row.

Literally, The thing I love about like working with clients is you see

how both ordinary and extraordinary, these women are like, they are, they are us.

They are women that have through ups and downs.

They've had their trials, they've had their moments of joy and a beauty.

They've raised families or not, or they have dedicated themselves to causes

that mean a lot, they are caretakers.

One woman, oh my god, this one woman, she was a light beam.

She literally took care of her husband, that was, shortly after they got married,

physically disabled, and she took care of him for their entire marriage.

And when he passed away, she was like, I don't know what I want to

do, but I think like, I kind of am interested in this, but like really,

she was passionate about this thing.

And she was still asking permission to get back out and date even.

And I'm like, what?

The amount of caretaking that we're expected to do.

And then pretend that we don't have needs to be like loved or seen or adored or

treasured or anything like that is crazy.

And if that wasn't a fucking message for me, it was, it was also a message

that like, yes, those things are amazing to be like validated like that, you

know, in a relationship with other people that is safe, but like also

to be that for yourself is like key.

So every single one of those women taught me that that day.

I think that for me was when it started, it was like, You thought

you couldn't tarot read in person.

You didn't think that you were gonna be a good Reiki healer.

No one was gonna listen to you and Vienna's pod, which is dumb.

I never thought that.

Y'all was gonna listen to this.

It didn't matter.

But all the little fears you have in the back of your head, you're never

gonna be able to lose any weight.

You're a single mom.

No one is gonna find you attractive.

Like all, all of these fears that have been in my head, for a long time.

It was like, that's dumb.

Whose voice is that?

It wasn't mine.

No.

What's so interesting to me is that the way you and I work with

clients is very different, right?

Very different capacities.

I'm working on content strategy and marketing and you're working with energy

and like life goals and everything.

And ultimately my question when I start working with a new client or when we're

starting to talk about like what a roadmap is going to look like for them

is like what's, what's the big goal?

Like we're talking about a very specific narrow window here of

what you want to do, but like.

What piece does this play in the big ecosystem of what your goals are?

And every time I ask that question, it's like, oh, maybe I want to like, do this.

And it's usually something that I can tell is like, 25 percent

of what their actual goal is, but they're not saying it out loud.

Um, and I'm hearing from grown ass women that are 30, 40, 50, 60, that are like,

When you poke them a little more it's like I actually want to go back to school

I want to learn this new skill set.

I want to have a new career.

You're a thread out of them that they didn't even realize was like hanging.

Tell me more and I always think of like from high school

musical when sharpay is like think bigger Like think bigger girl.

What is it?

I know it's in there and I know you're not saying it What is it?

You want to write a book you want to do a book tour?

You want to speak to all these people?

You want to build a community of these people.

I love that you and I both get to use our work with clients to unravel those

big goals and seeing that it doesn't matter if you're 20 years old or if

you're 80 years old like you can still have a new goal a new dream and you can

still try to go for it in a different way and I think that's so freaking cool

because I do think when we started first talking about this podcast it probably

would have been like a million years ago.

I think we were both at this place that we were like, but we can't do that.

Like, I want that, but I don't know if we could do it.

That's, that's a lot.

Uh

No, it's true because, you've listened to this podcast before, or if

you know us personally, you know we went to graduate school together and

that we always had banging ideas.

Like that was, that was the thing.

Like I, I'd say like, from graduate school in particular, you and Ray are

two people that like are, are, are levels of motivation and creativity

to create, are really, really high.

We gel really well in that way because like our strengths

are super complimentary.

Vienna is mad organized because she Virgo, I am not, in case you didn't realize that.

We have this very beautiful, like symbiotic, creative relationship.

And I think you don't do work like this, that is ultimately very vulnerable unless

where your joy comes from doing it.

It's like seeing the other person in this position where they can

thrive and they can also be as open.

It is healing for us to see, like, we would not do it if it wasn't that

like moment where someone looks at their, their marketing strategy or

like they've executed something and they're like, holy shit, this is good.

And they're excited to put it out.

I would not do this work if it wasn't for like someone being like.

Something you said made me feel this way.

And now this is the action I'm taking and I feel so good about it.

Your ability to change your trajectory after doing that kind of work

is what gives us the motivation.

It's, it is life

women to feel like that.

We want you to feel like that.

I have a beautiful coworker.

I adore her.

Her name is Alyssa and she's just, she's just as one of my favorite people.

And it's so funny because, um, sometimes I'll be like, are my

abilities like not strong anymore?

And that's not true.

They're always there.

And when I met Alyssa, I knew from the moment I heard Alyssa's voice on the

phone, she'd left me a voicemail to be like, Hey, I know you start next week.

Please let me know if you have any questions that I I could

hear the energy in her voice that she was a healing spirit.

And then meeting her, I could absolutely tell she's one of the most

empathetic, loving people I have had the pleasure of meeting and I get to

work with her every day and I adore her.

So like she's, I can tell that she's having like some spiritual

awakening, things like happening to her that are not new, but that

she's just really coming online too.

And we've been talking about it a lot more lately.

And I won't say like details about what, but this is a text that she sent

me yesterday and it made me like cry.

She said, I have been doing a lot of spiritual work since the beginning

of October and I just really wanted to reach out and say thank you.

I think I would still be in the realm of fear without our talks.

It's really refreshing to know I'm not alone in some of

my unexplained experiences.

I'm starting to see the beauty in it.

And that's because of you.

So thank you.

And that made me bawl because that's what I want.

I know because I know how she feels.

And I, I found my mentor when I felt like her.

I would not be in a place of being able to see the potential and the

beauty in other people and in this work if it wasn't for my mentor.

And I'm not saying that like I am gonna be Alyssa's mentor, although like that

would be lit, but like just to know that any fucking thing I said at all

helped her move into a space where she was comfortable being herself.

Whatever that is makes me overjoyed.

And I think it's the same for you when you're like, I want to know what your idea

is and I want to know why you love it.

And I want to know why you want to put it into fruition.

And I want to show you that it's possible.

And for you not to be worried about the work, because I've got a strategy for you.

And then when someone sees like, Oh my God, I'm in my head, she

literally mapped out, like how I can do this, how I can make this happen.

And they are joyful because of it.

That gives something to us that like we can't get otherwise

it's a, it's healing for us

it's so, it's so affirming that like second, and I know it's like similar

for both of us, but that moment that you find the plan and the next step where

it feels like everything just clicked into place and it's like, Oh, this

all of this stuff makes sense together.

I found the bridge.

I found the way to connect all of these things, these goals, these different

like, These threads that have always been swimming around, we found a way

to knit them back together and to bring them into beautiful tapestry.

Yeah, because it's, it's all about the healing.

It's all about the healing, like in everything that you

do that we can find them.

yeah, and to not only heal but to do it as yourself.

To take that mask off to be authentically yourself to not have to hide your words or

pretend you don't mean what you're saying or Say something that you don't mean that

doesn't align with you It's nothing feels worse than having to stand up and say

something that you don't actually believe or agree with feels real icky and gross

I mean, we'll be, we're always going to talk about the hard shit.

Like this today was not the day we want to do that shit.

But I think that, maybe this is like our call to action to say, like, if

you feel like there's something that you need to voice or put into, into,

um, or you have a call to action, like start to think about what that is.

Yes, whatever your voice is on it, as long as it's not harming

anybody, it needs to be heard.

If you want to talk about like your quilt collection or your whatever

it is, like that is so needed.

Those communities are needed.

We always talk about how, you know, we don't have third spaces.

We don't have community.

We're like, this is kind of how it starts.

You kind of have to talk to each other

and

And, and we're gonna need it, like we're not, we're

not going to get anywhere without having those community spaces.

What is that really cheesy quote, but it's true where it's like, if

you want to change the world, go home and love your family, that

includes your chosen family as well.

Making the concerted effort and push to try to be as connected as

possible to people in your orbit is going to be the key to our survival.

And it, it really, I mean, it was like 80 degrees the other day

here in November in Massachusetts.

And that was like four days in a row.

We had like high seventies.

So I truly do mean survival.

It is, it's coming for us in a multitude of ways.

We can do this together, but we need every voice.

I feel like there's, like, lift every voice, bring in the choir here.

I feel like we should have an outro of, , a beautiful choir.

It should be, it should be the Sister Act choir

Oh my God.

Oh, happy day.

You want to pull a traditional card today or

fuck, yes!

Yes, we should.

We need it more than ever.

What deck am I going to use?

The Divine Feminine Oracle, obviously.

The Divine Feminine.

Pull that card.

are so happy to be back in this space, y'all.

And we are hoping for a really beautiful message from our collective guides,

The Divine Feminine Oracle Guidebook.

In the off chance that you are a man listening to this podcast,

you should listen.

You can stay here, but you gotta act right, okay?

I love this one.

Mary Magdalene, everyone.

She was like, Oh, you rang?

You rang?

Mary Magdalene is the apostle to the apostles.

She said, I am the bridge between heaven and earth.

I am fully human and fully divine.

She represents the fierce, unwavering love that we all have access to

within our vulnerable hearts.

It is love that renders all things sacred from the animals to the angels.

From the poorest to the most powerful.

It's a love that sees the inherent worth of all things.

And it's a love that remains, even through the darkest times, even through death.

Her love is one that resurrects.

The Gospel of Mary Magdalene relates that Jesus came to us to unite us, to

demonstrate to us a true human being, an Anthropos, meaning a person who

is both fully human and fully divine.

This is what Mary became, and it's why she is so beloved to Jesus.

Amen she didn't seek to follow him, she sought instead to

become her true self, ladies.

Mary Magdalene reminds us that we have the power to receive vision from within.

We are worthy of such proximity to the divine because that's the other half

of what it means to be truly human.

She reminds us that there is a bridge between heaven and earth

and that we are that bridge.

And she wants us to remember that the truest church we can

ever enter is in our heart.

This is where our true power rests and where the love never ends.

And her meditation asks us to ponder, where has my love not reached yet?

I love the fact that she wasn't there to follow.

She was walking with.

And the idea of walking with.

And the fact that there is divinity in all of us.

We are spirit, we are love, we are the embodiment of all of these things.

I know we like to pretend that we are like low and lowly, and

perhaps that's why we justify some of our very like shitty parts.

But that divinity resides in all of us, and it is, I think, our

love that is our gift as well.

So if there is something that you are feeling called to share, like, it's

very much time for you to share that love, share that gift with everyone.

And also just a reminder that that means that divinity resides in

the people that you do not deem worthy.

So

of you, some of you really need to hear that.

yeah, some of you might just need to remember that that same divinity.

I mean, should we rehash Jesus was born to a teenage mom born out of a

wedlock, a brown foreigner refugee.

I feel like these become very powerful conversations around Christmas.

Yeah, maybe you should try it and y'all know who the fuck

we're talking to so anyway lovingly

well, yes, you can find us here because we're here.

We're back.

We're back, baby.

We're back bitches, and we love it for us, and we hope that you guys do

too, and we're again looking for your tea You guys never send us any tea.

If you just want to talk shit about somebody too.

I don't even really need specifics.

you want tell us about somebody shitty in your family, I'll

listen to that take it all.

Well, you can find us here.

You can find us on Instagram.

I think we're on TikTok.

We're on TikTok.

I don't know if we'd but we're there.

We're everywhere.

We're every fucking where you look.

be with you everywhere

We'll catch you next time.

We love you.

bye