Our relationships with our parents has the biggest impact on our intimate relationships. Lorin understands first-hand the experiences of working through his father wounds. It comes up a lot in his individual coaching and group work, and affects both men and women.

Mentioned in this episode:

The Deep Polarity Program
An 8-week immersive journey to unlock the deepest intimacy through masculine & feminine dynamics.

Recently, I've posted a Reel about the Fatah wounds.

And a lot of people have asked for an in-depth podcast episode about it,

how this wound impacts both women and.

And there are a lot of similarities.

However, there are certain core differences in how this wound

expresses itself in a woman's intimate life and in a man's intimate life.

Today, we will go very, very deep and the focus of this episode is that right after

listening, you can start your healing journey today, so that this wound no

longer sabotages you're intimate life.

My name is Lorin Krenn and I am the host of this podcast.

My mission is to help people utilize the power of masculine and feminine polarity

to experience deep and healthy intimacy.

Let's drop in

The father wound.

That's a big one.

One that is very dear to my heart.

As you might already know, my father died early my life due to colon cancer.

I know firsthand the experience of going for the depths of working for my

immensely challenging father wounds.

And this is also one of the most common themes I encounter in my coaching

practice and in the workshops, the programs and the groups I teach.

And this makes perfect sense.

Because the relationship to our parents has an enormous impact, the biggest

impact in our intimate life later on.

And in this context, if the relationship to your father, but you're a woman

or a man was in any way, traumatizing or wound that's, then there's a

hundred percent guarantee that that is going to show up in your intimately.

Let's start by talking about the reasons why it is warm is

even created in the first place.

And then I will talk in depth about how you can start your healing journey.

Now, please know, before I talk about these M these reasons why it's, why you

have a father wounds, there could be so almost infinite reasons for this.

I will talk about the most common ones.

Otherwise this podcast episode will be too long.

Number one is your father has died early in your life, either due to

an illness or due to an accident.

Suddenly you no longer had your father figure.

It felt as if you were losing the ground underneath your feet, especially

when it was an accident, which means it's ripped away out of the blue.

Reason number two, your father was emotionally unavailable.

This could mean that his heart was very closed and he was unable

to express his own emotions.

He was not hugging you a lot, not showing you a lot of affection or he didn't know

what to do with your emotional experience.

Growing up with the sadness and pain, you felt the times he didn't

know how to hold space for that.

Now reason number three is that your father projected

his insecurities onto you.

His unlived potential and dreams.

Now this one very, very often expresses itself in the relationship

between father and son, taking on the father, sort of family business.

Become a lawyer, become a doctor, become this, but of course it also

expresses itself in the relationship between father and daughter, a form

of conditional love that says I love and support you if you do this.

But I won't love and support you as much if you do what you really want, and

what you choose from your heart to do.

Now, reason number four, your father cheat that's on your mother.

And this could have expressed itself in many ways, either they continued staying

together and there was a lot of turmoil, a lot of arguments or your father cheated

or left because of any reasons came back again or left forever, and your mother

started talking bad about your father.

Talking that he's not a good person, that the reason why everyone is so unhappy

or she's so unhappy is because of him.

You are kind of ingrained from an early age on/ because he will see

your father is your first encounter with masculine energy, with masculine

energy in general, with masculinity.

And if you early on hear words that your father is a cheater, he's a bad

person, he cannot, he could not keep any promises or, or you saw your father

acting in a dishonoring way towards your mother, not keeping his promises, not

showing up in a secret mass could in way, then chances are extremely high that

you have a wounded relationship to the masculine and therefore a father wound.

Now, there could be many more reasons, but these tend to be the most common ones.

Now, just before I talk in depth about how you can start your healing

journey, the first steps to be.

I want to share a little bit about it with my own journey of working through

my father wounds, as this will help you or help some of youm and lead into

what's the first foundational step in order to start your healing journey.

My father died of colon cancer in a three year battle, um, against it.

And each year I saw him getting thinner and weaker, until he

eventually died in my arms.

I was holding his hand and he was looking in my eyes.

And for the first time telling me, I love you as, as, as he died.

And I've gone from the depths of working for these wounds.

Now I'm very grateful for everything that has happened.

Um, I see it as a blessing that this has happened because this

wound was by far one of the most challenging or the most challenging

thing I ever had to face in my life.

It took every cell in my body, every fiber of my soul to work through the intensity

of this trauma and this wounding.

But what I want, the reason why I'm sharing this is because I'm telling you

at the other side of healing through this, is, is, is something unbelievable.

Something so magical, a version of yourself that feels immensely

safe and secure in your own body.

And now I'm going to share about this in a second why is this so crucial.

Now, what happened when, especially the more ill my father became and the more

emotionally unavailable thereby he became, of course, because all his energy went

into healing and trying to overcome this illness, the more unsafe and less secure

I felt inside myself, inside my body.

Everyone who suffers from the father wound in any shape or form feels

unsafe and feels a lack of security and trust inside their own body.

And this is the very, very first thing to focus on.

You cannot really heal or work on these wounds if you do not start there.

This is the very foundation.

Because ultimately, ultimately the deepest level, what our father teaches

us is this deep sense of security and safety and trust in our own body.

You see, if a father has done the deep work and feels secure and safe

in his own body, then he's presence becomes so immensely healing.

And as a woman or as a man, as a child, you pick this up, you feel

this, and you'll take this on.

It gives you an immense trust in your life.

A trust in your body, uh, a safety inside yourself.

And this is invaluable.

This is invaluable in every single area of your life, and especially in your

intimate relationships, because for instance, it couldn't be any easier to

fall into toxic and dysfunctional dynamics in your intimate life, if you don't

feel safe and secure in your own body.

Now, this is the same from men and women.

I will go, and.

I will go into the, into the key core differences in just a second.

But when you suffer from the father wound in any shape or form, you feel

unsafe and this lack of security and trust in your own body and a way to

describe this experience is this is my, this was my subjective experience of

how this feels is a feeling of almost living outside of your body, being numbed

out, disassociated from your own body.

Almost like living in another place, but not inside your body.

Because my own body did not feel safe.

There was so much pain, so much confusion going on there.

And when we experienced this, then we will start to outsource this

safety and we will try to find the safety in our intimate life.

And this is where dysfunctional patterns start to happen.

Any dysfunctional pattern you can start to think of because when you are

outsourcing your safety because you don't feel safe and at home and secure

in your own body, it's just going to be a disaster because your intimate

partner can never give you that.

That is always our own responsibility.

It is your responsibility to make your body, your temple, your home,

that you feel safe in your being.

Because when you feel safe in your body, your heart is naturally open.

Your nervous system is naturally regulated and resilient.

Your body is strong.

Your energy's strong is empowered, is clear.

And as I mentioned, normally, this is taught and modeled by your father.

But if your father and most of us didn't get that felt immensely insecure

in his body or died very early on or whatever reason, then these, this will

express itself inside you as well.

And this is not just in your intimate life.

Other examples where I, for instance, developed for a certain time of

my life, a fear of traveling.

I would always have this fear, that I would vomit or that I would, that I

would be ill on the day of my travel.

Now, of course, this has to do with seeing my father vomit constantly and

going for the pain of chemotherapy, but as well, this had also to do,

I always felt an anxiety about any situation where there was a sense of

uncertainty and not the comfort for instance of my own home or anything

that was known to my nervous system.

Exposed to anything new that put my body almost in a fight and flight situation.

And I remember when traveling, I would always feel a bit nauseous.

I would feel, um, very spiraling, not completely out of control, I

was at least able to manage it.

That's am I didn't go into complete panic or anything like that, or

I have an anxiety attack, but it just felt immensely unsafe.

And during car rides, during traveling or any situation where I was

exposed to any level of uncertainty.

And this is because I did not feel safe in my body.

And there is a high chance that when your strongest seller from the father

wound that you experienced this, this is what our father, what healthy mask or

entity teaches us, a sense of stability, security, and trust inside ourselves,

inside our own body, inside our own being.

Even when we're exposed to uncertain situations, because the

truth is life is always uncertain.

You are going to be exposed, I can guarantee you to many uncertain

situations, all kinds of things, because especially if you're want to

create your own reality, a reality of deep intimacy, you have to

embrace the unknown, the uncertain.

Because in order to create a new reality, you have to let go of what is familiar.

You have to experience a sense of spiritual death.

But this is not the topic and not the main focus of this episode, but it's

just very important to, to share this.

Now the first step here that has to be taken is to train yourself

to feel safe in your own body.

You can only imagine how much breath work I've done, how many times I've whipped on

the floor, having deep trauma releases.

It took a lot.

It took many, many times for me to.

Release that store trauma and store pain inside my body out of feeling

for so many years unsafe in my body, feeling this immense confusion and

harboring this anxiety, that was just building up and building up.

This anxiety of, of not being able to trust myself, not being

able to feel safe in my own body.

Now, the thing here is, and this, hear me out here, stay with me, is that when

we have a strong father wounds, as we don't mention, we don't feel safe in

our own body, one of the number one reasons for that is that our awareness

cannot flow easily into our body.

Now, hear me out here.

The reason is, is because when you first try to connect and bring your

awareness into your body, is that you are going to feel all these unresolved

trauma, all your unexpressed emotions.

They're going to be in the way of you connecting to your body.

See it in this way.

You have left your home.

Let's say your body, your temple is a house with a big garden, but

if you have left that place for so many years, weeds started to grow.

That garden became uncontrollable.

Branches started to build up and you don't even know where the door is

anymore into your home, into your body.

And this is this, this symbolizes that because when it then first start to

reconnect and bring your awareness to your body, you start to first go

into that garden and you exp you don't even know where to find that door.

All you see is confusion.

This is because now for the first time you're turning your awareness

to all this pain, to all this confusion, all this anxiety that has

been building up in most cases for decades or many, many, many years.

And this is why it can be a very painful experience to first bring your

awareness and connect with our body.

But this is not because it's painful to be in our body.

This is because you are touching.

We feel our awareness.

The first thing your touch is your unresolved trauma and

pain and anxiety and confusion.

And by working through that, by releasing that, by feeling that, by

processing that, then you'll kind of clear the weeds, clear and find

the entrance into your temple again.

And then it's not magically in perfect, but now then it becomes, it's easier

to be inside your body, to live inside your body, to feel at home, to feel

to some degree safe inside your body.

When you are awareness is rooted in your body, you're in your

power, you're in your heart.

And feeling safe in our body is the most crucial thing.

It's the fundament of really creating also one of the fundamental core pillars

of creating deep intimacy in our lives.

Because if you don't feel safe in your body, it becomes very difficult to be able

to discern between whether someone is not good for you, or you're experiencing a

fear of intimacy or a commitment, anxiety.

To be able to discern what is really your intuition?

What is your heart saying?

And what is, where is your trauma trying to hijack you.

And as well, you will just be prone to talk, just fall into many, a dysfunctional

and toxic relationship dynamics.

Only if we truly feel at home and secure inside our body have we really

worked through our father wounds.

Otherwise it is merely a mental thing.

And that is, that can be very helpful to go and identify exactly everything, but

I would say, and this is, of course I'm speaking from my own experience, the key

here is somatic healing, somatic healing, and I will see it again, somatic healing.

Trauma is stored inside our body.

So anything that you can do, any trauma release breathwork, any

trauma release methods, anything that your heart calls you, that

your intuition guides you towards.

Obviously this podcast is not a way to give any specific advice and is also

not for being able to diagnose anything.

This is just generalized advice, obviously.

I am, you have to, in order to learn more about this, you have to consult someone

a professional in that area, but anything that your intuition calls you towards,

anything that has to do with somatic healing is from my experience crucial.

And you just cannot get away from that in order to work through these

weeds, and all the things that have been created, this first layer that

your awareness has to work through until it's able to enter your body.

Now, let's talk about how the father wound expresses itself in our intimate life.

And there is a key distinction here.

For the feminine.

It looks more like looking for a savior, the perfect prince,

the Knight in shining armor.

Nothing is ever good enough.

The manding and ideal that doesn't exist.

And for the masculine, it is a form of deep dependency, and neediness in their

intimate life, looking for stability and safety in the feminine, even though

the feminine desires that from you.

Now, as you can see, this will always lead to a clash.

This is what happened in my life.

The moment, I felt some feelings for a woman I would become needy and look

for kind of emotional support, look for stability and safety, which was

of course, um, losing awareness of my masculine pole and the feminine

yearning that yearning for that from me.

And that of course, led to a clash and a crumbling of

polarity, of safety and intimacy.

Now as the feminine, how can you start to heal this?

Heal this demanding an ideal from the masculine?

And the way it is often comes up is that you demand the masculine to hold space for

you, in a way that your father never did.

You demand almost a sense of a sense of unconditional love

from, from, from your partner.

And yes, unconditional love is amazing, but our farness unconditional love is very

different than, uh, than your intimate partner's unconditional love, because if

you expressed yourself as a child throwing a tantrum or saying something hard.

If your father were deeply rooted in his heart and truth, be will set

these boundaries, but in a loving way, but he will hold space for that.

But now with your intimate partner, if you just lash out on him and, and show up

in a really hurtful way, oftentimes there is an expectation from the feminine that

then still he has to hold space for you.

But that is deep down what you're looking there is, is for a father figure

because, yes, you should in for safety from the masculine, but that safety looks

different during your intimate life.

Because if you show up in a hurtful way, it becomes impossible for the masculine

to hold space for that, because that would mean he has to abandon his own truth.

That is a man you don't really want.

Anyway.

Now, how can you start to heal this?

As the feminine, of course, the foundation is creating safety in your

body, feeling safe in your own body.

That is the foundation, otherwise you will outsource this in a way that you don't

express the natural yearn of the feminine for safety of the masculine, but a sense

of safety that your father never gave you.

As the feminine, I invite you to practice consciously to receive his energy.

Now, this is really important.

As a womanor as the feminine, if you suffer from the father wound, there

is a high chance you have never really received and acknowledged the love and

presence that he's trying to give you.

Obviously, we're talking about a man who is safe and a man

harness your Oracle, either with your current or future partner.

When he touches you.

When you look deeply into your eyes.

His loving gestures.

To receive his authentic, unique masculine core.

There's a high chance.

You have never received that because your father wound was always hijacking

that and holding him to an ideal, to a stand, demanding, something from

him, which he can never give you.

And this kind of blocks and numbs you out from being able to receive him, his

masculine truth, his masculine hearts.

And he can pick this up.

He can pick this up consciously or either definitely subconscious.

And this feels immensely painful to him.

If you are not able to receive his energy, his warriorship, his truth, his love.

And the subtle way of practicing this is in your everyday encounters with

him to just breathe into his energy, to feel into your heart as he hugs

you, smiles at you, touches you gently.

But now the more practical way you can practice this, if you find this too

vague and abstract and too challenging as well, because subtle practices tend

to be definitely more challenging is you can tell your partner that, um,

you want to learn to receive his truth and his love and his powerful presence

more, and that you have the feeling that you're pushing him away, subconsciously

because of your father wounds.

By expressing yourself in such a vulnerable way, it is feeling

well, feel immensely safe for him and just telling him that you

really, really want to receive him.

And a way to do this is that he can give you a massage and you just fully

surrender or he can caress and touch you in a very gentle way and not

necessarily in a sexual way, right?

And all you do is close your eyes and breathe in his energy.

And what can happen is that this leads to deep tears, potentially even to trauma

release, as you might want to let him know that this might happen, or you can

also practice this while making love.

Of course that is more intense, and you should only do this with a man who you're

deeply trusts and a man who you'll feel deeply is safe and honours your Oracle.

And as your duty is to truly receive him, and you might experience the

tears because you're receiving him for the, for the very first time.

For the very first time you're receiving his, his presence, his love, that

which you wanted to give you for so long and now you're receiving it.

And this empowers him immensely.

When you receive his unique warriorship, his unique embodiment and expression.

And as the masculine now, your practice as a man is about finding

stability and security elsewhere.

Not in the feminine, no longer looking for it in the feminine, because the feminine

is constantly changing its many forms.

It's in constant flux.

The feminine is unable to give you any stability because the

feminine is the expression of unpredictability, of constant change.

And.

You can only find this sense of safety and security in two things.

You can find it in your body for and foremost and in your purpose.

Now, this is really crucial as the masculine, as a man.

The stability of being in my body and living my purpose, what that

has given me is unbelievably.

So back then when my woman was testing me, I used to always collapse into

insecurity and into feeling unsafe because of course I was looking for

safety and stability from the feminine.

But now when my woman tests me, when my woman expresses the full range

of awakened feminine expression, which can also be her more darker

feminine energy, when she's testing me from her Oracle, then I no longer,

or at least I'm not perfect, right?

But I no longer collapse into insecurity, because I can lean into the stability

of being in my body, feeling safe in my body, my body being my home and living

my soul's mission, serving the world with what I'm meant to serve or the universe.

And this is the life changer, brothers who are listening to this, and all

sisters who are listening to this, this is what's going to change the game for

your man, for a seam to create safety in his body and for him to live his purpose,

because then he can truly hold space for the full spectrum of your feminine

expression, because he is sourcing his stability and is able to lean into his

body and his purpose, which allows you to feel immensely, immensely safe with him.

And this is just, this is incredible.

This is incredible.

So for the brothers, through the work of creating safety inside your body and

finding security and trust in your body?

The feminine can feel that.

Only when you feel safe in your body can the feminine feel safe with you.

Only when you feel safe in holding your own emotions, your inner feminine,

can you really hold the space, hold the container for the feminine.

When she's testing you, when she's expressing herself, when she's

going for the waves of her feminine expression and you lean into the

mountain, into the stability of your purpose, of your mission, wow,

that gives you an immense power.

And of course, as she's always responding to your energy, that makes her feel

immensely safe, immensely attracted to you, and safe to open, to surrender

in your presence, to express the full magnitude or for feminine gifts, where

if she's able to fully surrender, you are witnessing the embodied expression of the

safety, stability, power, and strength of your warriorship and masculine core.

And that touches, strengthens and empowers you like nothing else.

Now I've shared a lot about this, but it goes even much, much deeper.

I might do a part two about this.

Let me know if you want me to elaborate further on any specific

things as I want to serve you in the most powerful way in this podcast.

Thank you for listening to this episode.

Please share this with someone who needs to hear it.

And if you want to learn more about my offerings, then I invite

you to visit LorinKrenn.com or click on the show notes and learn