Welcome back to the podcast, men! We’re in episode 2 of our series: When it's Tough to Lead.  Today’s topic: How do we lead if our wife is an unbeliever or is living in rebellion?

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Stay in your lane and pray, pray, pray 

Our role is to share the gospel and make disciples.  The Holy Spirit’s role is to bring conviction and change hearts.  Pray to the Holy Spirit, asking him to bring conviction to your spouse and to give you the strength to stay the course.

• One of the hardest things for us as men to remember is to stay in our lane.  What I mean by that is it isn’t our job to convict our wife or soften their heart.  Only God can do that.  That is the role the Holy Spirit. 

John 16:7-8 But in fact, it is best for you that I go away, because if I don’t, the Advocate[a] won’t come. If I do go away, then I will send him to you. 8 And when he comes, he will convict the world of its sin, and of God’s righteousness, and of the coming judgment.

• One of the primary roles of the Holy Spirit is to convict the world of sin. 

Acts 13:3 Acts 13:3 So after more fasting and prayer, the men laid their hands on them and sent them on their way.

• Context of this verse - sending Paul and Barnabas commission to go out on their missionary journey. The church knew the importance of praying for Paul and Barnabas and in praying for the Holy Spirit to move and soften hearts. 
• Pray for the Holy Spirit to soften your wife’s heart and bring conviction.  Pray for the Holy Spirit to bring others into her life who will also point her to Jesus. 
• Pray for strength.  Pray for endurance. Fight for your marriage. 

1 Corinthians 7:12-14 Now, I will speak to the rest of you, though I do not have a direct command from the Lord. If a fellow believer[c] has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to continue living with him, he must not leave her. 

1 Corinthians 7: 16  Don’t you wives realize that your husbands might be saved because of you? And don’t you husbands realize that your wives might be saved because of you?

• If you were a Christian when you married and you married a non-believer, I want to say this as compassionately as I can, but let this be a good reminder to you that God’s boundaries are for your good.  
• Fight for your marriage.  

Actions Speak Louder than Words 

Actions speak louder than words. Live with your wife in an understanding way and let your love and good deeds point her to Jesus.

1 Peter 3:1-2, 7  In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over 2 by observing your pure and reverent lives. 

In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.

• I know the verse is directed at wives who have an unbelieving husband but the pure and reverent lives part is certainly applicable to a husband who has a non-believing wife. 
• You are a vessel that God wants to use to pour out his love and grace on your wife.
• We started this episode out by talking about the importance of prayer.  Here we’re told to treat our wives as we should so that our prayers will not be hindered.  We’ve all heard the phrase “1 step forward, 2 steps back”. That’s what’s happening if you’re praying for God to soften your wife’s heart and bring conviction, but then you’re not treating her the way you should treat her. 
• If you want to lead her, serve her. Jesus said if we want to be first, we should be last. We’ve talked a lot on this podcast about Godly leadership and Godly leadership is servant leadership. 

Pick Your Battles

If you make everything a black and white issue, your spouse is going to feel like you’re a dictator.  This requires us to be led by the Holy Spirit and the Word of God so that we can balance when to stand firm and when to compromise.

Luke 14:25-27 A large crowd was following Jesus. He turned around and said to them, 26 “If you want to be my disciple, you must, by comparison, hate everyone else—your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple. 27 And if you do not carry your own cross and follow me, you cannot be my disciple.

• Clearly, we can’t compromise on everything.  We can’t let the fear of our wife being mad or leaving us have more authority in our lives than God’s truth. 

1 Corinthians 5:12 It isn’t my responsibility to judge outsiders, but it certainly is your responsibility to judge those inside the church who are sinning.

• Evaluating the difference between leading your wife and leading your children. 
• Social media, media for example
• Requiring my kids to go to church, 

If your wife professes to be a believer, but is rebelling, bring in other believers. Matthew 18 protocol.  Bring in your church leaders. 

Matthew 18:15-17 “If another believer[d] sins against you,[e] go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. 16 But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. 17 If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.

Close

Romans 12:17-18 Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. 18 Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.

1 Corinthians 7:15 (But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the believing husband or wife[e] is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you[f] to live in peace.)