Today, Mari addresses the challenging topic of feeling unheard or that God doesn't care and isn't listening to your prayers. She emphasizes that no prayer goes unanswered by God, who responds in three ways: yes, yes but not now, or no because something better is planned. Through personal anecdotes and biblical examples, Mari helps listeners navigate the frustration and uncertainty of waiting for answers. She encourages a deeper understanding of prayer as a means to build a relationship with God, rather than a mere wish list, and underscores the importance of surrender, faith, and patience. For those struggling with unanswered prayers, Mari provides comfort and perspective, highlighting the transformative power of trust and the value of suffering in drawing closer to God.

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Hey, I'm your host, Mari Wagner,

and you're listening to the ever be

2

podcast where faith meets lifestyle.

3

I'm so excited you're here, whether you're

a new listener or a longtime follower,

4

I know there's something here for you.

5

Pull up a chair and listen in for

insightful real life conversations

6

and actionable steps on how to claim

the full life God created you for.

7

If you're a woman desiring to live

a Christ centered life in today's

8

modern world, then this is for you.

9

Welcome to Ever Be.

10

mari-wagner_1_11-12-2024_152013:

Welcome back to ever be you guys.

11

It's Mari, uh, your host per usual.

12

And today we're going to dive into a

topic that is challenging and deeply

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personal for all of us, honestly.

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Um, what to do when your

prayer isn't getting answered.

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And if you've ever felt, , maybe looked

over or unheard or confused or frustrated

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in your prayer life, then this is for you.

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I want to start out by just saying that

whether your prayer is big or small,

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it's worthy and the Lord hears it.

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And I think that there's a misconception

even in the name of this podcast

20

episode, even in the phrase that

I just said What to do if your

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prayer is not getting answered.

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That's a misconception in

itself because the truth is.

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No prayer goes unanswered.

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The Lord doesn't ignore us and just

chooses to listen to some of our prayers

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or chooses to respond to some and

not respond or not listen to others.

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So I want you to know, and I just want you

to remember that God answers any prayer.

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Every single prayer that you bring to him,

no matter how big or no matter how small.

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And this is something my mom taught me

when I was little, um, that he answers

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it in one of three ways, either yes.

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And he answers it the way that

you asked for or yes, but not now.

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And that basically means like, yes, like

that is my will, but right now isn't the

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right time, you know, wait a little bit

or no, I have something better for you.

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And in all of these answers, whichever

one it is, he is intentional, he is

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present, and he is working for our good.

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And I know that sometimes, especially

when these prayers involve long

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periods of waiting for an answer of

some sort, um, it can get really hard.

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And you can enter into some

really long periods, um, of

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waiting and seasons of waiting.

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So I just want to unpack how we can

really begin to understand, um, in our

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human is cause the reality is we'll never

be able to fully understand the way God

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works or, you know, why he's working.

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But in our human is how we can kind

of begin to understand how God

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responds to our prayers and how we

can trust him through that process

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So let's just start out by

reflecting on what prayer is right

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prayer isn't Just a way to tell

God what we want or what we need.

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It's not just a list of Wishes for a

genie to fulfill but it's really a sacred

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space for building a relationship with

him And through prayer, we open our hearts

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to the Lord and we let him shape us.

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We let him form our hearts and mold

our hearts to be more like his.

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And the challenge about prayer

is that we don't often or ever

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hear or feel anything good.

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Physical in return.

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Um, you know, we might experience

beautiful graces, like feeling a wave

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of peace, um, or maybe a clarity or just

like an overwhelming love for the Lord.

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These are all beautiful graces

that we may receive in prayer.

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Most of the time we won't feel anything.

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And most of the time you won't feel

an audible confirmation from the Lord.

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Like, yes, this is my will,

or no, this is not my will.

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And you won't always like

physically feel any sort of comfort,

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but this is just part of the mystery of

prayer and the part of the mystery of

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our relationship with the Lord and the

fact that he is divine and we are human.

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And it's part of the process of

surrendering and trusting and having

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greater faith in him, regardless of

what we actually physically hear.

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Or feel like we are getting in return

from him because in the end, our

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relationship with the Lord is not a

transactional one, but it's one of love.

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However, throughout your prayer journey,

especially when you feel like a prayer

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isn't getting answered the way that

you wanted it to, or you don't feel

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any response at all, it's easy to

feel like God is not there or easy to

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feel like he's not listening at all.

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And I just want you to know that

that can't be further from the truth.

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The Lord is always listening, always

attentive to every prayer, but his

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answers aren't always immediate.

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And they aren't always what we expect.

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In fact, in scripture, we see several

examples of the Lord answering prayers

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in weird ways that we never expected or

whoever was praying for ever expected it.

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Think about Abraham and Sarah who

waited decades for a baby, probably

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thinking that they would never have

children and pleading to the Lord that

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they would be able to have children.

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And the Lord, you know, gave Abraham a

promise that his descendants would be as

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many as, you know, the numbers in the sky.

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And after decades finally

gave birth to a son, Isaac.

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And then from that whole line of

descendants eventually came Jesus.

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That's probably not what they

thought they were praying for.

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Right.

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And not what they thought God's plan

was going to be, or, you know, Mary and

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Martha praying to Jesus to heal Lazarus

only for him to arrive after he had

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already died and then rebuking him and

be like, Lord, we asked you to come.

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We asked you to come heal him.

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Why didn't you answer this prayer?

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And for him to answer the

prayer by raising him from

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the dead three days later.

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This just shows us that God's timing

and God's ways are often beyond our

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understanding, but they're never random.

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They're intentional.

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They're part of God's plan for our lives.

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And especially this week, I've literally

said out loud to Trey several times, like,

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I just don't know what God's plan is.

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I just don't know what God's plan is.

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And it's funny because it's like I'm

saying it in frustration, kind of

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expecting The Lord to be like, Oh, my bad.

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I didn't give you the plan.

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Like, here you go.

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My bad.

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I thought I gave you the plan.

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Like, no, like we're not supposed

to know the plan you guys.

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And honestly, I'm starting

to firmly believe that.

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And that's not something I think I

would have ever said or wanted to

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believe years ago, because years ago,

my life just kind of always worked out.

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Anything I prayed for, I

pretty much got it answered.

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And it hasn't been really until the last

few years that we've had an unanswered

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prayer that I've really wrestled with

the Lord of like, what does it look

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like to have an unanswered prayer?

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What does it mean about God's goodness?

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What does it mean about his plan?

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Right?

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Cause before it always seemed

like God and I had the same plan.

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We were on the same page and I

knew the plan and I was like, yes,

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Lord, glad we're on the same page.

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You know, on the same page,

like working for the same plan.

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This is going great.

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We're on track.

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And then curve ball.

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And now it feels like we have different

plans and I don't know what the plan is.

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And like I was saying, I

just feel like that's okay.

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And it might honestly be a good thing.

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I actually don't think we're supposed to

know the plan because in the end, we're

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not God and we're not supposed to be God.

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And.

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We cannot be more fully his children

if we know the plan, because in our

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humanness, we try and control and we

try and lead and we try and take over.

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And that's not what a child does.

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If you think about it, a little

girl, three year old, five year

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old, she doesn't know what to do.

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the life plan is, let alone

what the day plan is, let alone

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what the afternoon plan is.

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Like, even though her mom might

tell her in the morning, like,

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here's what we're going to do today.

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She probably forgets it in 0.

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2 seconds.

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And all she's doing is following

her mom throughout the day.

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All she's doing is, you know,

trusting her dad that he's going

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to provide for her, that he's going

to lead her to the next place.

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He's going to keep her safe, you know,

or her mom that, you know, she's going

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to follow her to the grocery store or to

the park that day or to do an activity.

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Kids just follow literally blindly

because they trust in the person

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that they're following, not

because they trust in the plan.

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However, God's working in our lives.

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It's always part of a greater plan.

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And it's honestly a good thing

that we don't know what it is.

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Let's just keep that in mind as we

move forward but as we wait for the

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plan to unfold, whatever that is in

our lives and whatever it is that

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we're praying for, um, there could

be a season of suffering as you wait.

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Maybe what you're praying for

is something, something deeply

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important, deeply personal, difficult

that you're struggling with.

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Maybe you're waiting to find your

future spouse and you are just longing

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for your vocation of being married

and you just haven't found the person

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yet and are losing hope on that.

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And you're just struggling to

know, you know, what the Lord's

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plan is for your vocation.

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Maybe you're waiting on growing your

family, um, on your first baby or second

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or third, and you're struggling to know

when the Lord, you know, Has the right

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time in mind for you to have another

child, or maybe you're struggling with

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health issues, um, a chronic illness or

a cancer, or, um, just something that

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is, you know, largely uncomfortable

and impedes your everyday life.

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And you are just waiting for healing.

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You're just waiting on the Lord to help

you find the healing you need so that

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you can have a better quality of life.

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Maybe you're waiting on a friend

or a family member to be healed.

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Maybe you're on a job that is finally

fulfilling, um, or can support you.

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Your family better financially.

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Um, maybe you're waiting to get

out of, you know, debt or financial

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struggle when you're family.

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And you're just waiting to find

a place of stability and peace.

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All of these places carry a lot

of weight in our hearts and can

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bring on a lot of suffering.

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And sometimes the

waiting can seem endless.

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And even though we're praying fervently

and faithfully, yet we're asked to wait,

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yet the Lord has prescribed a season of

waiting, um, probably for her own good,

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to shape our hearts, to

bring us closer to Him.

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, And like I said, I, I

don't have the answer.

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I don't really know why, but something

that's brought a lot of comfort

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lately has been a Saint Faustina.

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, if you have been following me for a while,

I've talked about her often in the past.

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I absolutely love this

Saint and her diary.

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I learned so much through

reading her diary, , years ago.

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And one of the things she says

in there is about suffering.

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Actually, she talks about suffering a lot.

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, one of the things she says

is that suffering is a great

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grace through suffering, the

soul becomes like its savior.

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And in suffering, love

becomes crystallized.

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So the greater, the suffering,

the purer, the love.

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Basically she talks about how suffering

is a, is a great blessing to us

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because it draws us closer to the Lord

in a way that can only purify our love

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and make it so our relationship with

the Lord is purely based off that.

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Like true love, true, unconditional

love for the Lord, not based off

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of the way he answers our prayers.

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And I know that when we're in

times of waiting or suffering, we

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can hear a lot of things, um, you

know, that try to bring us comfort.

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Maybe this brought you comfort.

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Maybe it didn't, maybe friends try and

lend a word of comfort and sometimes

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it works and sometimes it doesn't.

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, but I know that at least

it can give it meaning.

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Because that's what I have learned in

the past few years, is that there's great

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meaning to suffering and I hope that

if these words don't bring you comfort

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right now, they can just further give

you some meaning to hold on to as you

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wait for your prayer to be answered.

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And I think that one of the most important

things in these seasons of waiting for

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a prayer to be answered is to continue

to be faithful in prayer, to continue

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to seek the Lord out on a daily basis

and build that relationship, deepen

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that trust, continue that surrender, and

just be a child in the Father's arms.

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that you can continue to stay

close to him in your journey.

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Because he is where you're going to draw

the strength to keep going while you wait.

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Now, what if God answers your

prayer by saying, yes, but not now?

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Honestly, I feel like this is

one of the harder questions.

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Uh, prayer answers to get because it's

the one that's most in limbo, you know,

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if the Lord says, yes, here you go.

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Obviously that's an easy one.

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That's exciting.

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If the Lord says, no, it can be really

difficult to receive that answer.

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But if you do get that clear,

clear of an answer, I feel like it

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would be easier to honestly just.

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You know, deal with that,

accept that and move on.

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But if the Lord says, yes, but

not now, it's like the most

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confusing, like in the middle gray

area of like, okay, so then when,

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especially in a world of instant

gratification, where we are just so

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used to getting answers quickly to

getting a hit of dopamine, when we

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open up our phone to moving quickly.

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Throughout our day and being efficient

and productive and getting things done.

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Waiting can seem so treacherous sometimes

because I feel like our patience and our

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ability to just like be in the present

moment without something new coming has

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really dwindled over the last few years.

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And many times I feel like the Lord

says, yes, but not now, because

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he's waiting for something that

he sees that we don't yet see.

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And I saw a post on Instagram

once that painted this

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picture for me really clearly.

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And again, it uses the analogy of

like a child and a mother, because

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I feel like that is the most

clear way for us to understand.

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the most tangible way for us to understand

what our relationship with God is really

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like as children and him as the father and

just kind of like that gap of separation,

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you know, and kind of that like knowledge

gap that there is between us and the

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Lord, given his divinity and our humanity.

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And the post I saw on Instagram was,

you know, there's a mom who just made

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this chicken for her one year old baby.

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And she is, you know, getting

ready to feed it to him.

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And he is like starting

to get super impatient.

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He's starting to scream and to hit

the table and to cry because he's

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super hungry and he's asking for food

and he's trying to make it known.

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Like I want food, I need food.

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And the mom has the chicken, you know,

like on the countertop and she's looking

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at him and she's like, almost honey,

like, Yes, I'm making you chicken.

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I'm getting you the food.

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I'm just cutting it up

cause it's super hot.

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Like I'm just blowing on

it cause it's super hot.

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She is just preparing the chicken

the right way so that she can give

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it to her baby so he can fully enjoy

it and be nourished by it and not

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hurt himself as soon as he puts it

in his mouth because it's piping hot.

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And as humans, we see that picture

and we completely understand.

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And if we saw in real life, a mom do this

to her baby, we would be looking at the

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baby, like, Oh, like it's okay, buddy.

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Like you just can't see yet.

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You know, you just like, mom's trying to

help like chickens coming, you know, but.

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When it's us and the Lord, and when

it's a prayer we're asking for,

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and we're waiting on, it's so easy

for us to just throw that tantrum.

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How many times have we thrown

from that tantrum of like, God,

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I'm asking for this prayer.

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Like, can't you hear me?

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Like I'm yelling at this point.

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I'm crying at this point.

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Like, can't you hear me?

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And the Lord is saying

like, yes, I hear you.

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And the answer is yes.

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That's in my plan.

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Our wills are aligned.

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That is my will, but.

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I'm preparing something or I'm

waiting for something out of your

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own protection for your own good or

so that you may more freely and more

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fully enjoy it in the right time.

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Cause if I give it to you right

now, you won't be ready for it.

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It might burn you.

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Does that make sense?

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I don't know why, but when I

heard that reflection, it made.

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So much sense to me and it broke it

down and just like the easy human

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way that I needed it to for me to,

yeah, just take that to prayer with

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me and just remind myself of like,

okay, if the answer is yes, but not

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now, the Lord probably see something.

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I don't.

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The Lord is probably

protecting me something or.

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Protecting me from something or

waiting for it to be the right

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time where I can receive this gift

more fully and more fruitfully.

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if the Lord says no, I have

something better for you.

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This answer can be really

heartbreaking sometimes and

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Very, very difficult to accept.

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Maybe you've experienced praying intensely

for something and just felt absolutely

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shattered when you knew the answer was

no, when you just like felt that in

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your heart, it wasn't going to happen.

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Or when you got the, you know, the

rejection from the job you applied for,

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or when a family member died of cancer

that you prayed for healing for, or,

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um, when he maybe wasn't the one that

you thought you were going to marry.

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But just because God is saying no, I

want you to remember that it doesn't

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mean he's withholding good things.

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And I think it can feel that way.

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A lot of the time, I think it can feel

that if the Lord is saying no to a prayer,

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it can feel like he's just saying no.

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And that's it.

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But remember that the answer is no,

I have something better for you.

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He's never withholding

something good for us.

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In fact, he has something

even better in store.

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And I'm sure you've seen this, um, image.

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It's gone viral the last few years.

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It's like a classic Pinterest image.

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You could look it up like Jesus

holding flowers for a little girl.

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And it's this picture of Jesus with this

huge bouquet of flowers behind his back.

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But it's basically this image of a

little girl giving Jesus a single flower

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and he's reaching out to receive it.

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And he has this huge bouquet

that he's holding behind his

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back, ready to give to her.

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And the way that I see it, This is,

you know, she's coming to him and

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offering him, you know, what she has,

she's offering him a small prayer and

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the Lord is like, Oh, just you wait.

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Like I have this whole bouquet for you.

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This whole bouquet when all you, you know,

we're offering was one little flower.

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All you asked for was maybe

this one little thing.

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I have this whole bouquet for you.

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And it's just kind of a symbol

of like the Lord always has the

325

greatest gift in store for us.

326

He always has the most

good in store for us.

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And it just takes trusting God's wisdom

to recognize that his no sometimes

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is part of the way he's loving us.

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And I think about this in my

own life in past relationships,

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I remember, especially in high

school, I feel like in high school,

331

like you just are learning things

about love for the first time.

332

And you're like, I think I'm going

to marry this guy as soon as you,

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you know, meet him basically.

334

And then you don't obviously.

335

And you're like, God, why?

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Like what happened?

337

Um, But like, if I would have just

continued to pine for the one guy I

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thought I was gonna marry, I would

have not ended up marrying Trey.

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Or I just like, I never had the

insight to know that the Lord had

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the right man in store for me.

341

And so when maybe the answer was

no, to a earlier prayer of, is this

342

the person I'm supposed to marry?

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And maybe it would have caused a lot of

like grief or anger or doubt or whatever.

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, if that's what you're going through,

you know exactly what I mean.

345

And maybe it's because the Lord is like,

I actually have the best guy ever for you

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or whatever it is that you're praying for.

347

I actually have the best

timing ever for you.

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And you have no idea.

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I actually have the best job ever for you

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or maybe the answer is just no, because

the Lord is like, I just have something

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completely different in store for you.

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And the thing that we always have to

remember is that whatever God's will

353

is, it's going to bring us more joy

than whatever we thought our will was.

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And that's something that's a really

hard pill to swallow and that I

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constantly have to remind myself,

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but just know that when you are facing

no as an answer to a prayer, it's okay

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to grieve and it's okay to feel sad.

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And it's okay to hand those emotions

to the Lord and just be like, I

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have literally no understanding

as to why this is not your will.

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And I give you my sadness.

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I give you my anger.

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I give you, you know, my

resentment, whatever it is that

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you feel because he can handle it.

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And you can process those

feelings with the Lord

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so as I wrap up here, the biggest

thing I want you to walk away with as

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you walk through this journey of, you

know, praying to the Lord for something

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big and waiting for an answer is to

really just embrace true surrender.

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And surrender doesn't necessarily

mean that you're giving up

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actually doesn't mean that at all.

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Surrender doesn't mean that you're like,

okay, Lord, I don't desire this anymore.

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The Lord isn't waiting for you to

like, let go of a desire, especially

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if he's placed a desire on your heart.

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That's it.

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Good thing.

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And it's there for a reason,

whatever the answer is.

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So surrender doesn't mean

that you let go of that.

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It just means that you let go of control

and expectation and that you trust in

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the Lord and whatever way he is working

for that prayer that you're asking for.

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And by surrendering our will to God's, we

allow him to transform us, to sanctify us.

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Even through these seasons

of waiting and hardship,

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especially through these

seasons of waiting.

382

If you're like, I have no idea how to

surrender, or yeah, like I try to but

383

it's so hard, I highly encourage you

to pray with the Surrender Novena.

384

It's been an extremely

powerful novena in my life.

385

Mostly in just praying.

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Bringing me peace and increasing my

faith in the Lord, which is a gift

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faith and trust is not something

we can just manufacture ourselves.

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It's truly a gift that we

need to ask the Lord for.

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And so praying the surrender novena,

it goes through the words like, oh

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Jesus, I surrender everything to you.

391

Take care of everything

or something like that.

392

I don't have it memorized, but

it's basically along those lines.

393

And you say that 10 times along

with a little reflection that they

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write for each day of the novena.

395

And every time I read

it, it is so spot on.

396

It is so spot on to how we feel

as humans, like letting go of

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whatever prayer it is, you know,

and offering it to the Lord and just

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surrendering it completely to the Lord.

399

Um, but in the end, it really just brings.

400

Um, and it brings a whole new

wave of peace in whatever it

401

is that you're praying for.

402

So friends, I hope that today's

episode has brought you some

403

comfort, some solidarity.

404

Um, especially if you are in a season

of waiting for a prayer to get answered.

405

And I hope that you just have

maybe a new perspective on how the

406

Lord is responding to your prayer.

407

Um, and just that you're reminded

that he responds to every prayer,

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that you're never going ignored or

abandoned, um, or unheard by the Lord.