Aging isn’t a flaw to fix; it’s a privilege, and that’s the main vibe we’re bringing in this episode! Join Nkechi Nwafor-Robinson and Gaby Mammone as they chat with the fabulous Helen Xenidis, who’s all about embracing age with pride and joy.

Together, they dive into the societal pressures surrounding aging and the ridiculous notion of “looking your age.” Helen shares her insights on how the narrative around aging often needs a serious makeover. Because let’s be real, every wrinkle and gray hair tells a story worth celebrating, not hiding!

So, if you’re ready to flip the script and own your age like a boss, this episode is for you.

Takeaways:

• Aging should be embraced as a privilege and a form of personal expression rather than a flaw to fix.
• It's important to own your age confidently, as it reflects your experience and wisdom in life.
• Women often face societal pressure around age and appearance, but it's crucial to redefine these narratives.
• The conversation around aging should shift from fear and shame to celebration and acceptance of our true selves.

Find Helen Online:

IG: https://www.instagram.com/helenxenidis/

Website: https://www.onceuponawoman.com/

Have an empowering story to share on an Empowering Bytes episode? Submit your request, for a chance to be a guest.

Find us online: https://linktr.ee/nkechinwaforrobinson

Great day, amazing human. Yes. Welcome to Empowered at My Skin podcast, where our mission is to help 1 billion people in this world think in more empowering ways.

Empowered humans. Empower humans. So you are in the right place to become a lead domino for Empowerment today. My name is Nkechi Mwaho Robinson.

I'm not only your host, but I am a vibrant optimist obsessed to bring you empowering content with every single episode.

We will bring you weekly content, alternating between longer episodes with featured guests and a shorter episode called Empowering Bites, where I will be joined by my co host, Gabby Memone. So if you're ready, let the show begin. Great day, amazing humans. Yes. Welcome to the last Empowering Bites of season seven. Can you imagine?

Can you imagine? And guess what? I am. I am, again, not alone. I am joined by the fabulous, the incomparable, the kindness crusader, Gabby 1B Mabone. She's in.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. But let me tell you today, today we have a special, special guest.

Oh, but before we get there, we have to, like, frame up before we announce this person, right? So. So you heard it in the teaser. Today we are. We have obsessions all around looking our age, and. And we're going to really dive into.

Like, who even came up with that anyway? Like, aging isn't a flaw to fix. It's a privilege. It's a power and a personal expression.

There's no rule book to it, and I think it's all about owning it at every stage and in our lives. And this particular curation that we are going to dive into came really organically. We. We all. The.

This next person that Gabby's about to announce, we were having a conversation on Zoom, and we knew we had to record this episode, and we're like, oh, my God, let's just make this a podcast episode. And so that's how we're here. So, Gabby, who. Who are you bringing on? Who are you bringing on?

Okay, well, I have to first preamble this by saying this amazing human, she truly inspires me, and we've grown a beautiful friendship over the years because she has a platform that brings together women of all ages, all backgrounds, and they share and celebrate their personal stories. So she has this beautiful event, and I would like to introduce you to the creator of Once Upon a Her Story.

Please put your heads together for our dear friend, awesome human, Kellen Zenitis. I don't think I said her name right, though.

No kines. And by the way, just in case anyone is like, how's it not Getting her name. Because it starts with an X. Y'. All.

It starts with an X.

And they.

Get totally spo x E, like.

Helen, thank you so much for joining us. You know, I absolutely love you. I love so many things about you. You make us think.

You make us embrace what growing intuition and exploring who people truly are means. And it is such an honor to have you here today.

Oh, my God.

Thank you so much, you guys. I'm so excited. I love this conversation. Let's just do this. We love you and we love the.

Conversation we're about to have. So true. Like, we always say full transparency, but transparently, we were talking about something that is you.

Like, I'm very much about saying my. When I turned 53 this year, my post was, I look my age.

You know, whereas a lot of people are like, oh, my God, don't tell people your age, because blah, blah, blah. But I do. I.

A lot of times I actually need to let people know that what my age is so that when I'm at the table, they know that I have years and years of experience. But. But we got more into the whole, you know, when we have to say, looking our age and this whole aging gracefully and ageism and.

And what it's actually doing in our. In our culture and. And women in general. And we do believe that we should all be very proud of how we look at the age that we're at. Right.

And be able to express that. So. So then we said that let's go on and have a podcast conversation about it, because not everybody's there. And. And I think all perspectives matter.

Yes.

And Helen is an expert in this arena, and so we wanted to bring you on to share your opinions, because one thing I know about you is that you're a curious person.

Yes.

You're curious. You ask questions, and I love that you're opinionated. And this is the platform to share our thoughts. So let's talk about this.

And, Helen, so I want to ask you a deeper question. You know, what does looking your age even mean? And, like, who actually decided that?

I don't know. I don't know. And it's something that, as you get older, becomes this statement that women make to each other.

Like, when you're a teenager, when you're 20 something, nobody says, oh, you look. You look good. For your age or you don't look your age, it's rare. And all of a sudden you cross 40 and you start to hear it more and more.

And it's such a peculiar thing to me because I often say so first of all, I say, hi, I'm. This is what I look like. I am 61, therefore this is what 61 looks like. You don't think I look my age.

If you think I look younger than my age or older, it's because of your perception of what that looks like. It has nothing to do with me because if you go ask a 10 year old what I look like, he's going to say I look like an old lady.

Because to a 10 year old, a 30 year old, right. So I don't know where it came from, I don't know what it's about and I don't know why we love it so much when we hear it.

Yeah, I own my age very proudly.

I think sometimes there's a little confusion about people think you don't look your age because your energy is different and they expect that you should feel, I don't know, subdued. Maybe I should just be in a recliner, you know, just doing.

I think there, I think there's definitely that. I think there's, I think a lot of it is going to be very, for the most part, outward looking. Right.

And so some things that often come up is, oh, that person's not dressed their age. Right.

Like, or even like, I mean, I think about as a young girl, like there were certain ways that you needed to dress until you got to a certain age. And then suddenly there's a way that you need to stop dressing.

Yes.

And I'm looking at all of us here with long hair because after a certain age there was a time where you had to have short hair even it was like you didn't have long hair after a certain age.

That's true. There's a lot of things.

Right?

There's a lot of things. And so I, so I think more so it's about not fighting it. Right. Like, I think, I think at the end of the day everyone's entitled to their opinions.

First of all, I know that I own it for some of the reasons I already explained express, which is because people think I don't look my age.

And I often work in rooms where age determines to a lot of people your experience, the depth of your experience, the wisdom that you bring into the room. And so a lot of times I have to announce they'll get this what you look, what you perceive as a very young face, twisted, but you also.

Walk into a room with a huge energy, that you will be 80 years old and probably have that energy. So it's really got nothing to do with how old you are. Like, you enter a room with an energy and I.

Again, it's hard to get used to changing your vocabulary because people say a youthful energy, and I don't like that because not every young person has great energy.

Right.

People who have really subdued energies, but you walk in with such an enthusiastic, full energy that even if you looked older, people would think you were younger. Because of that, they don't expect it.

So I guess. Sorry, Gabby, I'm not sure if you have a thought on that.

Well, I actually wanted to ask about the, the point of bias. Like, do you think that some people believe that as we get older, we let ourselves go? That narrative, letting yourselves go?

Because I feel like that's a little bit about, like, I feel like it's outdated. Like, I feel like. I don't know, I'm just, I'm curious to know, do we let ourselves go with finances, with health, with personal choices?

Is that, is that still the case? That people feel that is a narrative? Does that happen?

Well, I have another question, though. Does every. I. I don't know what letting yourself go means.

Maybe it means, you know, you don't take care of yourself, but does every 20 year old take care of themselves? Again, it's a, it's a ridiculous statement.

Yeah.

Every young woman doesn't take care of herself the same way. So why would every old and take care of herself the same way?

Yeah, I just hear it.

Right.

And so I just. Yeah. I mean, I am 51. I can say that. I say that with conviction. I'm proud of how much I've learned. I've come with so much wisdom.

And it's just interesting because Ace, aging visibly for me is kind of like a statement. It's almost like it's intentional.

You know, I can be rebellious against things and I can still be insecure, but the age doesn't have anything to do with that. I just feel like I'm 51.

I don't know. To you, age is nothing but a number.

No, it's just a number. Yes. Yeah. I can still go after my goals now than the way I did 10 years ago than how I will 10 years from now. I just, I'm just unapologetic. Visibly.

I'm aging because that's what happens. But I don't, I don't I don't look at it as my beauties is evolving or disappearing with age.

If anything, it's becoming more present and I'm more aware and I'm more intentional and I just want to keep it up because I'm getting older, but not because I'm 51 or 61 or 71.

I just, it's because life is evolving.

And life is evolving.

Yeah.

Yeah. And I, and I'm so I can definitely, I can align with that.

I think that how I, based on what you just said, how it shows up for me is I'm just constantly transitioning or pivoting because there are certain things that I could do five years ago that I know I can't really do now. Right. And so rather than saying I can't do that, I've evolved into what I can do based on my current circumstance, whatever, you know, sort of.

Because at the end of the day, we are aging. I think that that's a very strong fact. I know that. Helen, you said like, what does aging gracefully mean?

And I. Yeah, she doesn't even like that term.

I know you, right?

Because why don't you like that? Because I'm aging the way I am. I'm aging loudly, proudly, openly, abundantly, wonderfully. I don't know if it's always going to be graceful.

Why does it have to be graceful?

I think that is graceful because when you start to think about I give people grace. Right. Like, so let's just talk about the word grace.

Okay.

Yep. So when I say I give people grace is that I'm accepting, I'm accepting the situation for what it is. I'm not adding more or taking away less from it.

And, and I think like, because, because sometimes we always say, like, people walk into the room so gracefully. So. And I. And when you think about it like that, that that term is okay. And I. So I'm just invite.

I want to say something about that term. No.

Yeah, go.

Because when you walk into a room so gracefully as a younger woman. Right. As a younger woman. So for two things, age is a lot more than just a number.

Yes.

Like that saying, either that age is nothing but a number because there is a mortality that comes with the years we live. So it is a measurement of time that matters because we only live so many years. So the number of years we're alive does matter.

But when we start talking about aging gracefully, when a 20 year old woman enters a room, maybe she glides across the floor and she's entered the room so gracefully but my knee doesn't allow me to glide across a room right now.

So I might not look that graceful as I walk into a room, but that, like, I. I don't know what it means because we never say it about young people, but can I say something?

Double click on that one. Because I think it's a mindset. So what I was trying to. What I. What I was trying to express, and maybe I'll just try again, is I think it's a mindset.

So when I look at somebody, it's. It's less about whether they're moving like this, like a ballerina, and it's more about the. It's more about the.

The aura, the sense of, like, the presence in which they are owning that space. Right. And. And it's a presence that allows other people in. It's a presence that, you know, it's not harboring, like. I don't know how to say.

It's like free flow. When I think about aging gracefully, I'm aging in a way that my age doesn't. Like the number. Like, for me, the number doesn't matter. Right.

Matters is that I'm. That I'm accepting to the life that I behold, the life that I. That I have so much gratit for what I'm experiencing in the moment.

And I'm open to sharing that with others. To me that you're going to define.

It like that, then I will own.

That I'm okay with it like that.

But I. Again, I question why we say it so much.

We say so many things about women who are older and aging gracefully, how, you know, how we look, all these things that we don't say to younger women who are also aging every day. So I just find it interesting that the conversation all around our age matters so much at a certain point that it's comical.

Yeah.

Right.

Yeah. I'm curious to know, Helen, your thoughts on the. The markers, the markers of lived experience. Wrinkles, gray hair.

Do you think that these markers make a difference with confidence, self acceptance? Like, what are your thoughts on that?

I am concerned. I'm concerned with how hard we try to erase the fact that we're aging.

Yeah.

Like, it's crazy to the degree that it's done. Like, when you see even an actress on TV with a real face, you're like, wow. It's like we don't see wrinkles anymore.

And I. I will admit, when I was a younger woman, I thought I would dye my hair forever because I always loved dyeing my hair and changing the color and putting highlights and doing things. But it stopped being fun for me when I was trying to cover up my gray. And now, so I don't dye my hair anymore, I'm gonna wrinkle.

I'm gonna own every wrinkle I have. I have no concern.

And funny enough, I feel more beautiful now than I've ever felt in my life because I am so authentically myself in such a, such a way that I own every lump, every bump, every line, everything.

So it's interesting because. So I have traction alopecia. So I'm gonna just try, okay, Pick it, like throw another perspective. So I have traction alopecia.

So I'm balding around my hairline.

Okay.

And there was a time where I used wigs to cover what I, what I called like something that I wasn't really proud of. I. There was some shame around it. Then there came a year where I just accepted that I had it, that it's a condition, you know, that I was.

Some of it was self inflicted because I did a lot of pulling of my, my hairline with braids and stuff like that, which is a whole different story. But I accepted it in the sense that I stopped. I. I decided I was going to shave my head right on one side.

And then I started to wear a weave on the other side of my hair. And then eventually that evolved to coloring my coloring, like getting the signature color, you know, and coloring my hair.

But in, in shaving my head, I actually, it became a really empowerment moment because then I started to see all this beauty and you know, without hair, like hair became nothing for me because there's. For women, especially black women, there is a story around our hair and there's like a hair story.

Anyway, I share all of that because I think what happened after some time is I was okay with my traction alopecia. I'm back to wearing wigs. But I'm not wearing wigs to hide the shame.

That's the thing.

It's now become my brand. And so I'm not trying to pretend that this hair is growing out of my head. Right. I change it so often the color, blah, blah.

So I'm also saying the same. Like I've also made a decision. It's an ownership of age that. Yeah, actually I don't like. I don't actually think I like my hair with gray.

Like, I just like when I see it, it doesn't, it doesn't. It's not great with my skin coloring and all this any other. So I'm still picking colors that sort of better match and suit, you know, me.

So I actually don't know that I feel there's an issue with dying gray.

It's not.

If it's not done well again, it's all about why that person is doing it. Yes.

Why cover up like if we're doing it to like, I don't know that I'm never gonna dye my hair. There might be a day where I decide I want a whole new hair color just because. But it won't be to cover the gray.

Yes. I get it.

As I want a big change. And I think that's the thing.

I have so many friends who are going to hair salons every two and three weeks now because the gray is so, you know, dominant that they have to keep going to do their roots. And it's become a chore and a job and because they don't want to own it yet. And it's. You don't have to, but. But it is who you are natural.

So I think that's, that's the thing. Why are we, why are we working so hard to avoid what is happening?

And then you see all these silver haired women who are stunning and gorgeous and, and I love this gray movement that's been happening since COVID The one good thing that came from COVID was women owning their gray hair. And now gray hair is beautiful. And I love that. Yeah. And the same with wrinkles. Like they're mine. I, you know what?

I could, I could be like this one day, but I'm not interested. And not to disrespect women who want to do things, do, do what you need to do. But for me, I'm like, this is what's happening.

This is what I look like. I'm going with it.

I'm good with it. I think what I, if I, I think what we're hoping people will leave with is it's actually personal choice.

Whatever it is that you choose to do is absolutely fine. And what we're hoping is you're doing it as a form of self expression versus from a place of shame.

And yeah, from, from feeling like a shame or embarrassment or any of that. Because love who you are at every stage of your life, because that's exactly it. You were beautiful when you were born.

You're beautiful as you continue to evolve through life. I think that. And then it's just to own that beauty because it is yours. It is yours. Yeah.

I think you hit it right there because do what you want, but be okay with the Age that you're at. Come to terms with it. Come to terms. We're.

We've been conditioned now to be so afraid of menopause and getting older, and we're going to be irrelevant and nobody's going to see us. And so many women, I think, do things because they think it's going to keep them relevant. You are going to keep you relevant.

Stay current, stay aware. Stay in relationships with women who are younger than you. Like, you know, if I were.

Yes, if every friend I had was 61, we would be in this deadlock of conversation almost, right? You need to learn from.

Unless you're my.

Unless they're my friends.

Because all my friends, man, they're like. I'm like, you're badass, man. You're so badass.

But you know what I mean, right? Generally speaking, I get it.

I get it.

You get locked into this age group where everyone talks about the same thing.

And I learned because I started doing things that women my age weren't doing, and I was meeting a lot of younger women, and I find the conversations are different. And you grow and you learn from each other, and it's just a beautiful way to stay current in this world.

Now, because I know you so well, I know that you're on a mission to change this. This narrative about aging and menopause and maybe almost having people unlearn some of those things.

I know that you say yes to midlife, you say yes to aging, and you say yes to menopause. Can you just kind of wrap that up with a nice bowl for us? Why. Why say yes to those things?

Because what is the alternative? Like, it is so simple. It is so simple. It is happening every day. We get a little bit older. We have been since the beginning of time, and. But we get.

Suddenly we hit a certain age and we get freaked out, and we're so busy fighting to maintain something that's gone that we're missing the incredible thing we're stepping into. You become so rooted in who you are as you get older. So powerful. And don't miss that. Don't miss that.

That's.

That's the message. Learn, learn. Grow with what you're. Where you're going. It's beautiful.

So if I had to. Do you have a reframe that people can use? Oh, you don't look your. Like.

Oh, you know, I just say, yes, I do. I. I am very. I. I just say, yes, I do.

No, no. I mean, for people that want to say, you don't look your age. Do you ever reframe, ask yourself, why.

Do you want to say that?

No, no. They're there. They're saying that based on what is what. There's another. What is it that they're really trying to say? Maybe that's what I'm.

I'm thinking. I'm asking.

I mean, if you want to tell.

Great.

Yeah, you look great. If you really have to comment, you know. Yeah. There's so many conversations around this. Yeah. If you really need to comment, you look great.

Your hair is beautiful. Whatever. I love your outfit today. If you really feel the need to give a compliment, give it. You don't look your age. Is. Is.

That's not a compliment to me.

So say you look vibrant. You look joyful.

You look. You look vibrant. So energetic today. Like, wow. Like, you look amazing. You're glowing.

There's so many things you could say, but please, let's stop talking about how old we look.

Yeah, I love that. You know, I love that, too. I love that. And it's. It's. It's funny because it marries Gabby. Remember? I don't know how long ago it was.

I don't know if it was the season we did something around labeling. Oh, yes. It's all around the same, right? Like, Like, Like I'm with you, like, trying to help people. Like, there's nothing imposter about you.

You know, I'm an introvert. I'm an extrovert. I think. Yeah. I think situationally, you.

There's behaviors you exhibit that, like, that have been termed as introvert, introverted type of behaviors, or there's behaviors you exhibit that have been termed X that look like extroverted and we lose language.

And I think that's what you're trying to say, Helen, is like, let's use the language that we actually mean versus versus falling victim to, like, standard labels and statements.

Yeah.

And.

And I want women especially to really think about it, because we are the worst promoters of ageism.

Yeah.

You don't look your age. You look good for your age. Like, really stop and ask yourself why. Why is this the comment? And it is a big unlearning. I used to say it.

I mean, we've all said it. I would be lying if I said I didn't say it before, but when I started to think about it, I'm like, what does this mean?

So really think about what you really want to say, and let's. Let's let go of the ageist comments.

I love it. So I'll start.

I love that, too.

To close this off. My name is inkechingwaffer Robinson. I am 53 and I so look my amazing age.

And I'm Gabby with one B and I am a woman who has lived. I look exactly how this chapter feels and I am energized by life.

And I am Helen Sinides and I am 61 years old and I never knew how much I would love being in my 60s. I am powerful beyond any concept that I ever had at this age.

I love it, I love it, I.

Love it, I love it.

Thank you so much, Helen. Thank you for joining us. Like great. Yeah. And so make sure. Where do we follow you online? Instagram?

Once Upon a Woman, her story or Howling Sinidi's. It's all over.

I'm Gabby with one B.

And we're out. Bye to season seven. There you have it. I trust that you are feeling more empowered in your skin.

As the late Dr. Maya Angelou said, when you get, you give, when you learn, you teach. So it would mean so much for us at Empowered in My Skin, Inc.

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