Cleveland just declared part of Lake Erie the “Gulf of Cleveland,” and yeah — the city council voted 13 to 1 to slap that name on the water, stretching two miles out from the shoreline. I’m telling you, it’s mostly a tongue-in-cheek dig at all the renaming drama, but they’re actually gonna send it to Apple and Google and try to update the maps — crowdsourcing geography, baby. We riff on how every city will want a piece of the ocean now — Sea of Detroit, Lake Chicago, Gulf of Pulaski County — cartographers everywhere sipping whiskey. We also dig into this goofy International Body of Water Registry thing — someone named a puddle “Lake Melissa” for $50 and got a “certificate of authenticity,” which my wife supposedly loved (or pretended to). Then we spiral into naming mop buckets and bathtubs — Tubby Roosevelt, Pale McCartney, Pooley Eilish — because why not make every wet thing officially ours?

Takeaways:

• We joked that Cleveland declared part of Lake Erie the 'Gulf of Cleveland' as a silly rebrand.
• I said the city council passed it tongue-in-cheek, taking a playful jab at renaming fights and outrage.
• We fantasized about crowdsourcing geography, imagining Detroit, Chicago, and tiny puddles all getting official names and certificates.
• I teased that people will name every water spot, from bathtubs to bird baths, for fun and profit someday.
• We laughed about the International Body of Water Registry selling certificates, me naming puddles 'Lake Melissa' as a gag.
• I joked we'll have maps updated by Apple and Google while cartographers sip whiskey and quietly cringe.

It's haystack.

And Cleveland, Ohio has now decided that part of Lake Erie is instead the Gulf of Cleveland.

Because apparently we've entered the era where every body of water needs a rebrand.

The city council passed this thing 13 to 1.

It covers the section of Lake Erie along Cleveland's shoreline and goes two miles out into the lake.

And yes, of course, this is the.

This is mostly a joke.

It's the council, men and women with a tongue in cheek response to recent geographic renaming fights or occurrences.

But they're actually going to send this into Apple and Google and say, hey, update the map.

Which I think is kind of fantastic.

I mean, now we're just essentially crowdsourcing geography.

At this rate, every city with any kind of water is going to claim something.

Detroit gets the Sea of Detroit.

Chicago gets Lake Chicago.

Little Rock renames the Arkansas river the Gulf of Pulaski County.

Beaver Lake could have a bunch of gulfs on it before it's all said and done.

Somewhere a cartographer is just drinking straight from the bottle.

Oh, my goodness.

Or maybe, you know, actually, this is probably a massive opportunity.

You got the.

You got the people who do this.

You can name stars.

So why can't you rename anything covered in H2O?

Put yourself on the map by officially naming a water mass near you with the International Bot Body of Water Registry.

For my anniversary, I named a puddle on our patio for my wife, Lake Melissa.

And we'll send you a certificate of authenticity.

She was so surprised and couldn't believe I wasted $50.

Retention basins, rain barrels, bird baths, renamed forever.

Next, I'm gonna name my bathtub after my favorite President.

Tubby Roosevelt will officially register all water gathering.

Receptacles.

And I'll name my mop bucket favorite musician, Pale McCartney.

The international body of Water Registry.

Because if the President can do it, why can't you?

Hey, kids.

Your kiddie pool is now called Pooley Eilish.

You should have gone with Pooler Swift.