ADHD Coach Katherine Sanders

ADHD Coach Katherine Sanders AACC (plus guest throat problems)

Welcome to another episode of "Powerful Possibilities," where we continue the unique journey of women and girls living with ADHD. In this episode, ADHD coach Katherine continues to celebrate International Women's Day by exploring the distinct challenges young ADHD women face from adolescence through early adulthood.

Join us as we uncover:

• The underdiagnosis and misinterpretation of ADHD symptoms in young women.
• The pivotal transition from primary to secondary education and the executive function demands it brings.
• Navigating social dynamics, friendships, and early relationships through the lens of ADHD.
• Strategies for self-advocacy, effective organization, and fostering supportive networks in school and beyond.
• Preparing for life's next stages: university, the workforce, and building healthy, respectful relationships.

Whether you're directly impacted by ADHD or seeking to understand the experiences of women and girls with ADHD, this episode offers valuable insights and practical tips for managing ADHD through critical life transitions.

Timestamps:

• [00:00:00] Introduction and purpose of today's episode
• [00:01:12] Understanding ADHD in young women: prevalence, symptoms, and underdiagnosis
• [00:03:03] Challenges of transitioning to high school with ADHD
• [00:09:07] The impact of social pressures and developing independence
• [00:13:06] Exploring university life and entering the workforce with ADHD
• [00:23:18] Navigating friendships and early relationships
• [00:30:40] Practical tips and strategies for teens and parents
• [00:32:20] Preview of next week's episode on ADHD and parenthood

Key Takeaways:

• The importance of early diagnosis and understanding the unique manifestation of ADHD in young women.
• Practical strategies for managing increased academic and social demands.
• The role of self-advocacy and personalized support in navigating educational and professional environments.
• Recognizing and fostering healthy relationships and social connections.
• Empowering young women with ADHD to embrace their journey with confidence and resilience.

Contact Information:

• I welcome your thoughts and experiences. Connect with me via email or social media. Links are provided in the show notes.

Special Notes:

• Apologies for my croaky voice due to illness but promises a content-rich episode.
• A heads-up on next week's episode: the impact of ADHD and the journey of parenthood.

Remember, understanding and support can transform challenges into powerful possibilities. Share this episode with someone navigating the complex world of ADHD, and let's continue to learn and grow together. Until next week, take care of yourself and ponder on what's possible.

Connect with Katherine here:

Website

Instagram

Tiktok

Facebook

Youtube

LinkedIN

Threads 

Peg Dawson & David Guare, Coaching Students with Executive Skills Deficits

Study on effectiveness of hand writing vs typing for recall - Ihara AS, Nakajima K, Kake A, Ishimaru K, Osugi K, Naruse Y. Advantage of Handwriting Over Typing on Learning Words: Evidence From an N400 Event-Related Potential Index. Front Hum Neurosci. 2021 Jun 10;15:679191. doi: 10.3389/fnhum.2021.679191. PMID: 34177498; PMCID: PMC8222525.

VIA Asssessment: https://www.viacharacter.org/

• Quinn, P.O., & Madhoo, M. "A Review of Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder in Women and Girls: Uncovering This Hidden Diagnosis." Primary Care Companion for CNS Disorders, 2014.
• Hinshaw, S.P., Owens, E.B., Zalecki, C., et al. "Prospective Follow-Up of Girls with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder into Early Adulthood: Continuing Impairment Includes Elevated Risk for Suicide Attempts and Self-Injury." Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 2012.
• Biederman, J., Mick, E., & Faraone, S.V. "Influence of Gender on Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder in Children Referred to a Psychiatric Clinic." American Journal of Psychiatry, 2002.
• Rucklidge, J.J. "Gender Differences in Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder." Psychiatric Clinics of North America, 2010.
• Graetz, B.W., Sawyer, M.G., Hazell, P.L., Arney, F., & Baghurst, P. "Validity of DSM-IV ADHD Subtypes in a Nationally Representative Sample of Australian Children and Adolescents." Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 2001.
• Skogli, E.W., Teicher, M.H., Andersen, P.N., Hovik, K.T., & Øie, M. "ADHD in Girls and Boys – Gender Differences in Co-existing Symptoms and Executive Function Measures." BMC Psychiatry, 2013.
• Nussbaum, N.L. "ADHD and Female Specific Concerns: A Review of the Literature and Clinical Implications." Journal of Attention Disorders, 2012.
• Owens, E.B., Hinshaw, S.P., Lee, S.S., & Lahey, B.B. "Few Girls with Childhood Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder Show Positive Adjustment During Adolescence." Journal of Clinical Child & Adolescent Psychology, 2009.
• Young, S., & Amarasinghe, J.M. "Practitioner Review: Non-pharmacological treatments for ADHD: A lifespan approach." Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 2010.
• Arnold, L.E. "Sex Differences in ADHD: Conference Summary." Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology, 1996.
• Tung, I., Brammer, W.A., Li, J.J., & Lee, S.S. "Patterns of Comorbidity Among Girls with ADHD: A Meta-analysis." Pediatrics, 2019.
• Mowlem, F.D., Skirrow, C., Reid, P., et al. "Validation of the Mind Excessively Wandering Scale and the Relationship of Mind Wandering to Impairment in Adult ADHD." Journal of Attention Disorders, 2019.
• DuPaul, G.J., Gormley, M.J., & Laracy, S.D. "Comorbidity of LD and ADHD: Implications of DSM-5 for Assessment and Treatment." Journal of Learning Disabilities, 2013.
• Waite, R., & Ramsay, J.R. "The Influence of Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder on Preteen Girls’ Friendships." Journal of Psychiatric and Mental Health Nursing, 2010.
• Robb, A.S., Findling, R.L., Nyilas, M., et al. "Efficacy and Safety of Atomoxetine in Adolescents with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder and Major Depression." Journal of Child and Adolescent Psychopharmacology, 2009.
• Coles, E.K., Pelham, W.E., Fabiano, G.A., et al. "Randomized Trial of First-Line Behavioral Intervention to Reduce Need for Medication in Children with ADHD." Journal of Clinical Child & Adolescent Psychology, 2020.
• Jerome, L., Segal, A., & Habinski, L. "What We Know about ADHD and Driving Risk: A Literature Review, Meta-analysis and Critique." Journal of the Canadian Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, 2006.
• Gaub, M., & Carlson, C.L. "Gender Differences in ADHD: A Meta-analysis and Critical Review." Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 1997.
• Lebowitz, M.S. "Stigmatization of ADHD: A Developmental Review." Journal of Attention Disorders, 2016.
• McCarthy, S., Asherson, P., Coghill, D., et al. "Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder: treatment discontinuation in adolescents and young adults." British Journal of Psychiatry, 2009.

Speaker: 00:00:00

Welcome back with my friend

it's ADHD, coach Katherine.

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And this week.

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ADHD Powerful possibilities continues

our look at the journey of ADHD,

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women and girls throughout their life.

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This is useful for everyone.

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But of course.

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Was.

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International women's day.

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I wanted to celebrate some of the

unique challenges that we face.

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So I hope you are enjoying the episodes

and that they are valuable for you.

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If not personally, then they give

you insight into what life is like.

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For 51% of the population.

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I'm going to apologize in

advance from my croakey throat.

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I don't know what is going on

here, but every single one of us

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is sick and it is not going away.

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So thank you for your patience.

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I will do my best to edit out the

coughs sneezes splutters, et cetera.

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And thank you for the continuing

supportive emails, messages, and contacts.

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The reason I make the

podcast is to help you.

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Understand yourself, your ADHD.

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And to share positive strategies.

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And information that you

can trust and rely on.

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And I'm very glad that

it's doing exactly that.

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So let's get into today's focus.

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We are looking at the stage in life.

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From adolescence through,

into early adulthood.

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Let's recap.

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What is ADHD apart from possibly

the worst named neurodevelopmental

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difference in the world?

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Because we have plenty of attention

and not all of us are externally

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or obviously hyperactive.

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ADHD is most obvious in things

like our executive functions.

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Which can include attention, focus.

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Time awareness, planning, working memory,

but also includes your emotions and

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your emotional regulation or management.

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Back in the olden days before

: 2010

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common for people to think.

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ADHD only affected children

and mostly affected boys.

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Who very few young women hardly any older

womenwere diagnosed with ADHD in the UK.

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When people say 'oh you grow out

of ADHD, what they tend to mean is

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either you've developed strategies

and other mechanisms to cope with

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the areas of your brain that are.

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Causing you problems in your youth,.

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Maybe they just mean you read

ADHD no longer inconveniences me.

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And that could be one of the

reasons why until very recently.

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The average age of diagnosis

for women was in their thirties.

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I hope that it's changing.

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There are some specific things we

need to think about when we talk

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about girls and women with ADHD.

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Cultural bias.

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Our social expectations and then

the impact of hormones as well

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on our brain on our development.

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And particularly the section we're looking

at today, which is from adolescence

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puberty through, into young adulthood.

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One of the big challenges that we

face is when we move from a small

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single class into junior high

or secondary school in the UK.

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And it's that move.

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Comes at a time when not only

are you facing physical changes.

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In terms of your hormones

and social changes.

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You're also placing a big

demand neurologically on

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your executive functions.

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Transitioning from

primary or middle school.

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Up into secondary or junior high

is a uniquely challenging time.

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And a person with ADHD is life.

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Especially for younger girls..

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One of the crucial differences

is the increase in workload and

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the requirement to have different

books, different classes, different

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teachers, a different set of students

in the room with you perhaps.

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And from an ADHD point of view.

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This is an incredible leap in

our executive function demand.

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We know, although that ADHD is a

structural and neurochemical difference.

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Your brain is physically different.

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The way we experienced that.

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Is our executive functions.

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And so planning.

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Organizing.

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Working memory.

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As well as things like

emotional regulation.

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Are always executive functions

that are more of them.

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And if you have ADHD, These demands

and increases in expectation,

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may come at a time that is not

developmentally appropriate.

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You may be 12.

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But in your executive

functions, you may be.

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Nine.

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Or eight.

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And if you imagine putting a child of 8

into a secondary school, You wouldn't.

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' cause, you know, they're

not going to cope.

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And so if we can diagnose children

earlier or spot the signs earlier, We

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can build that scaffolding around them.

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And of course the other thing that

happens is the social pressures.

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Ramp up exponentially.

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And when you move from your single simple

classroom, up to junior high or secondary.

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You have all these extra people.

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These unspoken social rules.

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, don't forget there's a high crossover

between autism spectrum and ADHD.

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And some of us struggle with social

unwritten rules and challenges.

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But for ADHD people, especially

ADHD, girls, because their

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peers are maturing very quickly,

socially and our impulsivity.

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our Emotional control.

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And our missing social cues.

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Either because we're not paying attention

or because we've jumped to something else.

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Can all make that gap between us

and our peers appear much larger.

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And it is all tied together with our

expectation for independence and growing

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independence and our young girls and

women want to be independent too.

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Quite often, I've heard

them say things like.

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I should be able to do this at my age,

especially if they're kind of 14 or 15.

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My friends can do this

when they're 16 or 17.

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And that message quickly

becomes one of I'm wrong.

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And.

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Broken.

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I'm just not good enough.

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If we throw the responsibility for

managing your books, managing your

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homework, managing your transport,

managing a exam preparation and so on.

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onto these young people.

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It's no wonder.

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So many of them start to feel

really stressed and unhappy.

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What can we do?

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To support them at this point.

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Self-advocacy.

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One of the most important tools

that you can give a young person.

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And that means being able to

understand what they need.

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And clearly, and simply

explained to adults in the

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room, what they need and why.

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they need to be able to

communicatetheir ADHD needs.

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The need the confidence to be able to see,

can I sit at the front of the class so

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that I am less distracted by other people?

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Can I have an extra week on the essay.

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Although with the essay sometimes I wonder

if an extra week is actually very helpful.

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I mentioned this last week in

an appropriate way, dropping

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into the conversation.

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What they will need.

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Unheard to accommodate their needs.

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We can share language.

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that allows them to

advocate for themselves.

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And we can use that at home.

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Another thing that I've found very

useful personally and with clients is

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thinking about accommodations and support.

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Now, obviously school may require

a diagnosis, a formal diagnosis

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to be able to apply for things

like extra time in exams.

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Using keyboards instead of rating.

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If somebody has dysgraphia.

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And that's more common

than you would think.

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But I'm thinking more about support in

terms of things like timetable management.

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Create a shared calendar.

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That you both have on your phones so that

they feel some control and ownership.

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Over their, time and actions.

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You may need to help set up for them.

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Google calendar or notion

calendar are perfect for this.

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There are no expensive.

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Most people have mobile phones

or computers, children in

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Scotland, all have iPads.

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When you go to secondary school.

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You can install these things

so that they are given.

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A visual.

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reminder of what's coming up for them

and are able to share in how that works.

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You're able to share how you

are planning ahead with them.

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Not for them.

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The other thing that's very helpful

in secondary school is coaching.

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Obviously I would see that.

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I'm an ADHD coach and I'm

working on resources and a group

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for secondary school students.

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In their later years who need help around.

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Planning executive functions

and preparing for the transition

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from school to university.

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but coaching can be done by other pupils.

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You can create a little group.

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There's a fantastic book.

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Called coaching students with.

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Executive skills deficits.

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And I will include a reference

to that in the show notes.

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So you can look it up.

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It's a bit dry.

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It's a bit academic.

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But if you're a teacher who's

interested in setting up.

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An executive function coaching program.

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where pupil support each other.

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I'm very happy to help

talk you through that.

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And that book is one that I would go to.

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And the first instance.

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But why would you use coaching?

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First of all, coaching is a partnership.

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It allows young people to have some agency

and some control in the relationship.

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It's also very practical

and very forward focused.

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And a lot of young people.

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Don't really want to spend time looking

at the past and talking over their

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trauma, which you do in counseling.

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and which is incredibly valuable.

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For some that's necessary.

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But if it's a practical thing,

like feeling organized for school,

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preparing your work, you might find

coaching is more acceptable to them.

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And gets them used to the

idea of using their creative

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thinking their problem solving.

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And using these scaffolding type

tools in a way that works for them.

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At an earlier stage.

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Because not just about your academic

results, it's about your organization,

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your strategy, your planning, and your.

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How you feel about yourself when

you're able to do these things?

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If you go for academic coaching,

make sure the person is trained.

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And qualified to support

a student with ADHD.

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Another thing that's really valuable

for parents to introduce early for

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young people is mindful moments, not a

mindfulness practice per se, because.

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outside of the.

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Context or background at these

mindfulness programs were developed

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and it can be a little bit.

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unsettling to say the least.

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But using a mindful moment to reconnect

and to co-regulate your emotions and your

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physical response is absolutely fine.

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And those are fairly short

breathing exercises, just one or

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two breaths or an observation.

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To distract them from that feeling of

overwhelm and anxiety in the moment.

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I've referenced a few of those before.

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And they will be in the emotional

toolkit, which is out later this week.

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You might also want to spend some

time thinking about time management.

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You might want to look for things

like how to teach this sweep of time.

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And my number one recommendation

is an analog clock at home.

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In class on the wrist.

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Yes.

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You can use a digital watch as well, but

many of them come with analog type faces.

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But understanding how time is passing

and how much time they need to do things.

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Start as early as you can.

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Finally think about how they can build

a supportive network around them.

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It doesn't have to be people at school.

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It can be extra curricular activities.

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And those are going to

change as they get older.

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See if you can sign up

for one or two classes.

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Just so they get a feel of

trying different things.

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And they're able to

discover people like them.

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Look for groups that offer collaboration.

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That gives them space for

creativity for problem-solving.

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And if you have to communicate

with the adults in charge of the

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group about any accommodation

or needs that may be necessary.

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I think we need to have a whole

separate section on exams and ADHD.

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So I will look at that in April.

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But for now.

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What happens when your young person has

successfully navigated secondary school?

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And just thinking about what comes next.

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We think of university and college.

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But then we also go into the work place.

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They may take.

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An apprenticeship.

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And if that's the case.

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We're going to look at

each of those options here.

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Thinking about college and university.

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The biggest difference is

the amount of self-management

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that they are required to do.

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If things were challenging when

they went from junior high.

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Into high school.

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It's going to be even more

demanding in university.

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You are required to plan papers

that could last for a whole

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semester if it's a dissertation.

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You may have a whole year to plan for it.

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How can you sustain that

interest for the whole year?

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Quite often, I meet students who are.

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Cramming things in at the very last

minute, because they had six months

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to write the paper and six months is.

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Do you know, An eternity.

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Until it is definitely not.

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And of course in college and

university, the academic demands change.

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Perhaps it's less about the right and

wrong answers and more about flexible

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thinking, creative problem solving.

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Being able to build an argument

with a variety of sources.

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And for lots of young people,

that's quite a change from how they

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studied in secondary or high school.

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They might also struggle

showing up for lectures.

265

: 00:14:23

If lectures are 45 minutes to an

hour of sitting down and listening

266

: 00:14:27

to somebody talk and present.

267

: 00:14:29

at the front of the class,

they could be tempted.

268

: 00:14:32

To type their notes.

269

: 00:14:34

While they're listening.

270

: 00:14:35

in fact, many studies show that the

most effective way to understand.

271

: 00:14:40

I lecture is to handwrite

particular words.

272

: 00:14:44

And one of the things I would

offer is record the lecture.

273

: 00:14:48

use a n audio recorder.

274

: 00:14:50

But make notes yourself by

hand, even if your handwriting's

275

: 00:14:55

terrible, it doesn't matter.

276

: 00:14:56

But you need to be able to engage

with the material and typing.

277

: 00:15:00

Just doesn't do that.

278

: 00:15:01

And there's also the social and emotional

aspects of moving away from home.

279

: 00:15:05

And we do have to talk about the

significant risk that comes from young

280

: 00:15:10

people being unsupported and maybe living

a few hundred miles away from home.

281

: 00:15:15

But these young people have

got to meet new friendships.

282

: 00:15:17

There may be sharing a flat with

somebody who isn't a member of

283

: 00:15:20

their family for the first time.

284

: 00:15:22

They're also having to plan

what they're going to eat.

285

: 00:15:25

Keep on top with a laundry.

286

: 00:15:27

Make sure that their bills are up to date.

287

: 00:15:29

So college and university is

both fantastic in many ways.

288

: 00:15:34

And I would never discourage

somebody from doing it.

289

: 00:15:37

But it's a demand.

290

: 00:15:38

And it's again, a place where

that gap between, an 18 year old

291

: 00:15:43

without ADHD and an 18 year old.

292

: 00:15:46

Who has some executive

functions around 14 or 15?

293

: 00:15:50

That's a big difference.

294

: 00:15:53

What can you do if your young

person is going off to university,

295

: 00:15:56

especially if your girls going off.

296

: 00:15:58

First of all, if you don't

have a diagnosis before you

297

: 00:16:01

go, please try to get one.

298

: 00:16:02

Before you go, because that means

you're able to access the official

299

: 00:16:07

university support services.

300

: 00:16:09

They generally want you to

have a written diagnosis.

301

: 00:16:13

And many universities now,

have a disability support team.

302

: 00:16:16

They might not offer exactly

what your young person needs.

303

: 00:16:21

But at least it's it's something.

304

: 00:16:24

they can offer valuable

services like note taking.

305

: 00:16:27

they can give you extra time for exams.

306

: 00:16:30

Some of them even have academic coaching.

307

: 00:16:33

Which really makes a difference

when you're dealing with these

308

: 00:16:36

extended essay deadlines.

309

: 00:16:38

The next thing you can do is make

sure that your young person can

310

: 00:16:42

develop a structured routine.

311

: 00:16:44

Try to set up before they leave home.

312

: 00:16:47

Help them explore what helps

them to get up in the morning.

313

: 00:16:51

I would be lost without my daylight

lamp, because that's the only way

314

: 00:16:55

I can get up from most of the year.

315

: 00:16:57

do they need to have a very

simple wardrobe of two or three

316

: 00:17:01

outfits that this simply rotate?

317

: 00:17:04

How simple can they make their

day-to-day life so that their

318

: 00:17:07

decision paralysis is reduced.

319

: 00:17:10

Help them to discover what kind of system

works for them, or they're very visual.

320

: 00:17:15

Do they need things that are

going to come up and ping on

321

: 00:17:18

their watch on their remainder?

322

: 00:17:20

Helps them to discover

that before they leave.

323

: 00:17:23

And now, actually is a great

time to start doing that.

324

: 00:17:26

Again, Find out if there are

groups at the university that they

325

: 00:17:30

can join for other young people,

with ADHD who are neurodivergent.

326

: 00:17:34

I can meet and share their

experience of the challenges.

327

: 00:17:39

Other people just won't get or understand.

328

: 00:17:41

Make sure they understand

the importance of self care.

329

: 00:17:45

And that it's not an indulgence.

330

: 00:17:47

The more they can stick to.

331

: 00:17:49

Sensible routine.

332

: 00:17:51

That they can incorporate Dr.

333

: 00:17:52

Nadeau's MENDSS you know,

Mindfulness exercise.

334

: 00:17:57

Nature diet, sleep and social connection.

335

: 00:18:01

If they can incorporate that.

336

: 00:18:03

And understand that this

is a non-negotiable.

337

: 00:18:06

They're going to find it much

easier to manage some of the

338

: 00:18:09

extra challenges that come along.

339

: 00:18:11

But what if your young person decided

going to call into the world of work?

340

: 00:18:15

And I think this is fantastic.

341

: 00:18:17

I will be honest.

342

: 00:18:18

When I taught a university.

343

: 00:18:20

I could tell the difference

between students who had taken

344

: 00:18:24

a year or two out from school.

345

: 00:18:26

And then come to study and those

who came straight from school.

346

: 00:18:31

And obviously each person's different.

347

: 00:18:34

But, if your young person is struggling

a little bit with issues around

348

: 00:18:38

executive function and planning a

gap, isn't going to do any harm.

349

: 00:18:42

So try to take the pressure off yourself

and offer them to go straight from

350

: 00:18:46

school, into education, higher education.

351

: 00:18:49

And if they want to work.

352

: 00:18:51

That is fantastic.

353

: 00:18:53

They might be able to go into an

apprenticeship program where they

354

: 00:18:57

will have more support and the

expectations will be adjusted.

355

: 00:19:01

But if they're not, and they're going

straight into a junior position.

356

: 00:19:04

Or maybe given the numbers of people

with ADHD who are entrepreneurs, they

357

: 00:19:10

want to set up their own business.

358

: 00:19:12

How does that work with ADHD?

359

: 00:19:15

First of all.

360

: 00:19:16

Understanding what type of

career is going to work for them.

361

: 00:19:20

Think about their strengths and

do the via character strengths

362

: 00:19:24

assessment, which is free.

363

: 00:19:25

And I will include a link

to that in the show notes.

364

: 00:19:28

But your via character strengths

test is really important.

365

: 00:19:32

For them to understand what matters.

366

: 00:19:35

What the they bring to a role,

not just what they can do.

367

: 00:19:38

Who they are.

368

: 00:19:39

One of the big problems.

369

: 00:19:41

Young people with ADHD face is

finding the right type of career.

370

: 00:19:45

Using a career path planner may

ignore their individual strengths and

371

: 00:19:52

focus on what they're interested in.

372

: 00:19:55

And as we know, people with ADHD have

many interests that change quite often.

373

: 00:20:01

And they might also have problems

with task management and consistency.

374

: 00:20:05

They're going to be different

expectations around.

375

: 00:20:08

What a young person brings

to the workplace depending

376

: 00:20:11

on the type of business.

377

: 00:20:13

Is it a family 'mom and pop' type store.

378

: 00:20:16

Is it an apprenticeship program where

they're used to lots of young people.

379

: 00:20:20

With different levels of organization.

380

: 00:20:23

Is it a big multinational find out

what their expectations are for

381

: 00:20:28

things like punctuality, consistency.

382

: 00:20:31

Personal presentation organization.

383

: 00:20:34

If a young person is applying

somewhere, finding it that.

384

: 00:20:37

And discussing it with them

beforehand is really useful.

385

: 00:20:40

They may not want to

disclose that they have ADHD.

386

: 00:20:44

There's so much negativity in the popular

press, is it any wonder they don't

387

: 00:20:48

want to disclose that they have ADHD.

388

: 00:20:51

But if they don't.

389

: 00:20:53

When they try to apply for

accommodation or support.

390

: 00:20:57

That employer may.

391

: 00:20:58

Wonder why they didn't

mention it beforehand.

392

: 00:21:01

Have that conversation with them.

393

: 00:21:03

Are they open?

394

: 00:21:05

Are they able to let people

know that they have ADHD?

395

: 00:21:08

And they might also need to think

about how they manage their particular

396

: 00:21:12

ADHD traits, how they show up.

397

: 00:21:15

If you're in a very stressful

and pressured workplace

398

: 00:21:17

environment on the one hand.

399

: 00:21:19

It can keep your interest high for longer.

400

: 00:21:22

But it can also lead to much

more stress, longer term.

401

: 00:21:26

What can we do?

402

: 00:21:27

There are specific ADHD,

career planning and assessment.

403

: 00:21:31

Tools and I have access to one.

404

: 00:21:34

But it's how do you fit that

young person to their job?

405

: 00:21:38

Give them plenty of time

and takes the pressure off.

406

: 00:21:41

We are way past the days when

you had a job for life and you

407

: 00:21:45

started and you were stuck with it.

408

: 00:21:47

Look globally, what are their skills?

409

: 00:21:50

What are their strengths?

410

: 00:21:52

How do they prefer to work?

411

: 00:21:53

Do they like to be self

organized and self-motivated.

412

: 00:21:58

What do they need to be in a team?

413

: 00:22:00

Think about things that might

travel with ADHD, like dysgraphia.

414

: 00:22:04

Dyslexia dyscalculia.

415

: 00:22:06

All of those need to

be taken into account.

416

: 00:22:09

But you've got time to do that, especially

if you start when they're 15 or 16.

417

: 00:22:14

Have a think about what workplace

accommodations are available and

418

: 00:22:18

what would actually be useful.

419

: 00:22:20

There's no point giving somebody who

needs music to focus and feel good.

420

: 00:22:26

A pair of noise, canceling headphones.

421

: 00:22:28

So make sure that there's

flexibility around what's available.

422

: 00:22:32

Checkout.

423

: 00:22:33

How they feel around flexible scheduling.

424

: 00:22:36

Is it okay if you work from home.

425

: 00:22:38

Are there teams that you can join to

work together so that your body doubling.

426

: 00:22:43

And working on a similar task.

427

: 00:22:45

Think about what skills do they

need to put into their tool bag

428

: 00:22:49

to go out into the world of work?

429

: 00:22:51

Do they need to work on

their time management?

430

: 00:22:54

How do they appear to

be engaged with people?

431

: 00:22:57

And it's possible to build

skills for all of these.

432

: 00:23:00

So going into the

workplace with ADHD can be.

433

: 00:23:04

Exactly what a young person needs.

434

: 00:23:05

If they have found the academic world.

435

: 00:23:07

Unfulfilling and not very

exciting and it's been stressful

436

: 00:23:11

for them and they can go back.

437

: 00:23:14

And the study at college or university

in their twenties, thirties, and forties.

438

: 00:23:18

Before we move on.

439

: 00:23:20

one of the most crucial.

440

: 00:23:22

Elements of growing up.

441

: 00:23:24

Whether you have ADHD or not.

442

: 00:23:25

Especially for girls and

young women with ADHD.

443

: 00:23:28

Is the change in friendships

and relationships.

444

: 00:23:32

These are some of the most formative

years in terms of our social connections.

445

: 00:23:38

But we also know that young people,

especially young girls with ADHD

446

: 00:23:43

feel particularly isolated socially.

447

: 00:23:46

And when you add in the.

448

: 00:23:48

Complicating role of

hormones and relationships.

449

: 00:23:52

As we move from just being friends

with somebody to having romantic

450

: 00:23:56

or sexual feelings towards them.

451

: 00:23:58

Those, added with ADHD.

452

: 00:24:01

We need to spend a bit of time looking at

what happens and how can we support them.

453

: 00:24:07

What are the biggest challenges

your young girl or teenager?

454

: 00:24:11

With ADHD is likely to experience.

455

: 00:24:14

In brackets, whenever I say this.

456

: 00:24:16

Of course, I mean, Boys

and young men as well.

457

: 00:24:19

But especially for girls.

458

: 00:24:21

What are the biggest challenges

they're going to face?

459

: 00:24:24

One is impulsivity.

460

: 00:24:26

We are often unable to put a zip in it.

461

: 00:24:31

Before the words, pop out.

462

: 00:24:33

Before we take the action.

463

: 00:24:35

Before we commit to something,

we maybe shouldn't..

464

: 00:24:38

People might think we are inconsiderate.

465

: 00:24:40

They might think we are unpredictable.

466

: 00:24:43

We might struggle with some social cues.

467

: 00:24:46

There's debate around

what causes a social cue.

468

: 00:24:50

Problems with ADHD.

469

: 00:24:52

It's most likely to be a combination of.

470

: 00:24:56

Not paying attention.

471

: 00:24:57

And misreading things that

black and white thinking.

472

: 00:25:01

As well as just being somewhere

else, we're already five steps

473

: 00:25:06

ahead in the conversation.

474

: 00:25:07

Or we've noticed a squirrel or a cute

dog on the other side of the road.

475

: 00:25:12

So we miss the tiny glance and with

humans it is that tiny millisecond

476

: 00:25:18

glance that tells you, is this

person taking the Mickey out of me?

477

: 00:25:22

Or do they mean it?

478

: 00:25:23

And one of the other major

challenges for people with ADHD.

479

: 00:25:27

Is the intensity.

480

: 00:25:29

of our emotions

481

: 00:25:30

I've spoken to many people with ADHD who

have incredibly intense feelings for other

482

: 00:25:36

people and who are almost incapacitated.

483

: 00:25:40

by.

484

: 00:25:41

Their obsession with this

new person in their life.

485

: 00:25:44

It becomes all consuming.

486

: 00:25:46

Although there are blogs about

limerence and this special quality

487

: 00:25:51

that we sometimes give to people.

488

: 00:25:53

I do think some of it.

489

: 00:25:54

Is to do is to do with

our ADHD neurochemistry.

490

: 00:25:58

But on the other side of that, we might

often isolate ourselves because we

491

: 00:26:04

are so sensitive about being rejected.

492

: 00:26:07

And.

493

: 00:26:08

whether RSD is a separate

diagnosis or not.

494

: 00:26:12

The intensity of the.

495

: 00:26:14

rejection.

496

: 00:26:15

And that was, that makes us feel.

497

: 00:26:17

It's very real for people with ADHD.

498

: 00:26:20

And it all comes under the

umbrella of emotional regulation,

499

: 00:26:24

which is an executive function.

500

: 00:26:26

So what can we do to support

young girls brackets, everyone

501

: 00:26:31

included, especially young boys.

502

: 00:26:33

As we go forward through teens,

into late teens, into twenties.

503

: 00:26:38

I think about your own language.

504

: 00:26:40

What kind of communication.

505

: 00:26:43

Are you using a home?

506

: 00:26:45

I am a huge fan of declarative language.

507

: 00:26:48

It's the difference between saying

to somebody pick up that shoe?

508

: 00:26:53

And I notice your shoes

are on the floor again.

509

: 00:26:56

That's it.

510

: 00:26:57

You just need to wait.

511

: 00:26:59

And if they look to you

for guidance, you say.

512

: 00:27:01

Hmm.

513

: 00:27:02

I wonder where those shoes.

514

: 00:27:03

would be better placed.

515

: 00:27:05

Or.

516

: 00:27:05

I wonder if it would be easier

to find them in the morning.

517

: 00:27:09

If there were somewhere else.

518

: 00:27:10

Where could that be?

519

: 00:27:11

That's so different from pick up

your shoes or put your shoes away.

520

: 00:27:15

And one of the differences.

521

: 00:27:17

That declarative language

encourages is allowing the young

522

: 00:27:21

person to develop their own.

523

: 00:27:24

Thinking their own creative solutions.

524

: 00:27:27

For problems that come

up in everyday life.

525

: 00:27:30

It's a very good way to articulate.

526

: 00:27:32

Your own thoughts.

527

: 00:27:34

And allows them to practice articulating

their thoughts and feelings.

528

: 00:27:38

The other bonus.

529

: 00:27:40

Is that it can improve our

flexibility in terms of getting

530

: 00:27:45

used to things, not being right.

531

: 00:27:47

Making mistakes, not being

certain of the answer.

532

: 00:27:51

The next thing to think about is

understanding to social needs of

533

: 00:27:54

young people, young girls with ADHD.

534

: 00:27:57

Are thee.

535

: 00:27:58

Real fans of face-to-face

high energy intensity.

536

: 00:28:04

Activities and friendships.

537

: 00:28:06

Are they more introverted?

538

: 00:28:08

And there's no right or wrong here.

539

: 00:28:09

Just what we need as people.

540

: 00:28:11

And then thinking about how does ADHD

affect what we need and what we can offer.

541

: 00:28:18

To other people and our relationships.

542

: 00:28:20

And I think this is particularly

relevant for young girls going

543

: 00:28:24

into relationships, they need to

have a very clear idea of what is

544

: 00:28:28

unacceptable, supportive, and respectful.

545

: 00:28:33

Relationship.

546

: 00:28:34

How can you let them know that.

547

: 00:28:36

Whatever happens.

548

: 00:28:38

You are.

549

: 00:28:39

100%.

550

: 00:28:41

their safe place.

551

: 00:28:42

Where they can come to and where

you will manage your own emotions

552

: 00:28:47

to support them in the moment.

553

: 00:28:49

Can you help them practice

to set boundaries?

554

: 00:28:51

I mentioned it briefly before.

555

: 00:28:53

Can you set healthy boundaries?

556

: 00:28:55

For yourself for them at home first.

557

: 00:28:59

.

What language do we need?

558

: 00:29:00

To have access to for

setting those boundaries.

559

: 00:29:04

And how can we help them to identify

what is a healthy and supportive

560

: 00:29:08

friendship or relationship and what isn't.

561

: 00:29:11

We want them to find people who

are understanding who are patient.

562

: 00:29:15

Make sure they recognize the red flags

things like a lack of boundaries.

563

: 00:29:21

A lack of respect for the

boundaries that they've set.

564

: 00:29:24

Dismissive attitudes towards ADHD or

anything else that they're experiencing.

565

: 00:29:29

And especially for manipulative behavior.

566

: 00:29:33

What are the signs that they can look for?

567

: 00:29:35

You might find that watching

some documentaries on things

568

: 00:29:39

like the Tinder swindler and.

569

: 00:29:41

All these other wonderful documentaries

that talk about relationships and.

570

: 00:29:45

Help them to recognize the

hallmarks of manipulation.

571

: 00:29:50

And disrespect are great ways

to open up that conversation.

572

: 00:29:55

So to sum up this gigantic leap.

573

: 00:29:58

through teens to early twenties.

574

: 00:30:01

What are the main things?

575

: 00:30:02

Your teens, especially your

teen girls are gonna need.

576

: 00:30:06

They're going to need a

supportive network at home.

577

: 00:30:09

They need to know how to use things like

technology in a way that supports them.

578

: 00:30:13

Rather than dominates them.

579

: 00:30:15

Thinking about how can we help

them have a growth mindset?

580

: 00:30:20

This is one of those cliches, but.

581

: 00:30:22

Demonstrating to them

that it's okay to learn.

582

: 00:30:25

All the time that it's

okay to make mistakes.

583

: 00:30:27

It's okay.

584

: 00:30:28

Not to know all the answers.

585

: 00:30:30

And that we're all growing and learning.

586

: 00:30:33

And developing through our whole life.

587

: 00:30:36

And modeling that home early own.

588

: 00:30:38

Is really valuable.

589

: 00:30:40

Parents.

590

: 00:30:41

You are facing Really

difficult job at the moment.

591

: 00:30:45

What can you do?

592

: 00:30:46

Focus on your own self regulation.

593

: 00:30:49

Make sure your emotional needs are met.

594

: 00:30:52

And that you are making

time to look after yourself.

595

: 00:30:55

But most importantly,

how are you modeling?

596

: 00:30:58

A good life for them.

597

: 00:31:00

Are you talking through

how you organize yourself?

598

: 00:31:03

Just so they know the

adults need to do this to.

599

: 00:31:06

Are you talking about other people and

other challenges in a positive way.

600

: 00:31:11

Modeling a positive regard for other

people who try, can help them to recognize

601

: 00:31:17

that even if things don't go right.

602

: 00:31:19

You're still going to see how hard.

603

: 00:31:21

They have tried.

604

: 00:31:22

And value it.

605

: 00:31:23

Although this can be a challenging

stage in life for any of us.

606

: 00:31:28

With ADHD, we have to take into account

the executive function challenges.

607

: 00:31:33

The emotional impact and

especially for girls.

608

: 00:31:36

Rule of estrogen and hormones

as they travel from their

609

: 00:31:39

early teens to inter twenties.

610

: 00:31:41

I hope this has given you

an overview of each stage.

611

: 00:31:46

And what might crop up depending

on where the young person you knew

612

: 00:31:51

is in terms of their age and stage.

613

: 00:31:54

But most importantly, I hope it's

given you some really practical ideas.

614

: 00:31:59

For how you can support yourself and them.

615

: 00:32:01

As they go into the next

stage of their life with ADHD.

616

: 00:32:05

Next week, we're going to be

looking at the next stage.

617

: 00:32:09

Some of us go through, which

is when we become parents.

618

: 00:32:12

And how that can affect our lives

with ADHD and what we can do to make

619

: 00:32:17

it easier for everybody involved.

620

: 00:32:20

ADHD coach, Katherine, and

this is powerful possibilities.

621

: 00:32:24

I'm so grateful for you

spending time with me today.

622

: 00:32:27

You can get in touch with me by

email or through my social media.

623

: 00:32:31

All of the links are in

the show notes below.

624

: 00:32:33

I love hearing from you.

625

: 00:32:35

If this is helpful, please let me know.

626

: 00:32:37

or if you.

627

: 00:32:38

know somebody who is facing

this challenging stage, shall we

628

: 00:32:42

say, please share it with them.

629

: 00:32:44

Until next week.

630

: 00:32:46

Take care of yourself

and remember to think.

631

: 00:32:49

What's possible.