The Courageous Destiny podcast delves into the transformative power of self-love, highlighting an enlightening conversation between host Kristin and guest Jasmine Mentzer. As the owner of Catalyst Counseling, Jasmine shares her insights on the challenges faced by women in balancing their personal and professional lives, particularly the struggle of self-acceptance and the need for consistent self-love. The discussion emphasizes the importance of acknowledging one's worth beyond societal expectations and the pressures to conform. Jasmine articulates the journey of helping women navigate their identities, urging them to embrace their multifaceted selves without judgment. This dialogue not only resonates with those facing similar struggles but also serves as a beacon of encouragement for women to prioritize their well-being and cultivate unconditional love for themselves.

Kristin and Jasmine explore the concept of self-acknowledgment as a vital step toward achieving a fulfilled life. They discuss practical strategies for fostering self-awareness, such as utilizing thought trackers to identify and challenge negative self-talk. This method encourages listeners to confront their inner dialogues and reframe them into positive affirmations, thus empowering them to take charge of their emotional health. The episode also touches on the nuances of womanhood and the complexities of defining oneself through various roles, whether as a mother, professional, or partner. Jasmine emphasizes the significance of creating a nurturing space for self-reflection, allowing individuals to appreciate their journey while letting go of the need for validation from others.

As the conversation unfolds, the two highlight the broader implications of self-love on mental health, with Jasmine noting the reduction of anxiety and depression among clients who embrace their authentic selves. They discuss how this newfound acceptance translates into a greater capacity for joy and fulfillment, enabling women to take up space in their lives without guilt or fear. The episode concludes with a powerful reminder that the journey to self-love is ongoing and that every step taken in self-acceptance is a victory worth celebrating. The insights shared in this episode aim to inspire listeners to forge their paths toward a life they love, emphasizing that self-love is not only an individual journey but also a catalyst for collective change in the world.

Takeaways:

• The journey to unconditional self-love involves recognizing and accepting all aspects of ourselves.
• Women often struggle to balance their professional confidence with personal self-acceptance and love.
• Self-awareness is crucial in identifying negative self-talk and changing those narratives.
• Creating a supportive environment where women feel empowered to take up space is essential.
• Transformative self-love leads to reduced anxiety and the ability to prioritize personal needs.
• Understanding that love can exist without approval or validation from others is liberating.

Links referenced in this episode:

• catalystcounselinggroup.com

Hello, everyone, and welcome to the Courageous Destiny podcast, where we learn how to build a business and life we love.

I'm so excited today to have my colleague and friend, Jasmine Mentzer, lust on.

She is the owner of catalyst counseling, and we are here today to talk to you about what we think all women need and what is missing from several of our friends and neighbors, so to speak.

And that is this concept of self love.

How do you create unconditional self love for yourself?

And we're here today to talk about that because we help other folks with that, and we think that that would be an amazing discussion point.

So welcome, Jasmine.

How are you doing today?

Hi, Kristen.

Hi.

Thank you for having me.

Oh, my honor.

My honor.

I thought we've had so many amazing conversations, and I remember the first time I met you was at a networking group, and you had these t shirts that you were selling.

Yes, yes.

I was just wearing it yesterday, and I thought about you because we were talking about that recently.

I was like, ah, yeah, it was amazing.

And I'm like, you know, you know, this is how I meet people in courageous destiny.

I'm out and about, and I see something like a t shirt that says, turn self doubt, too.

And I can't remember exactly what was on the t shirt.

You don't have to be everything to everyone.

You don't have to be everything to everyone.

And how important is that for us all to know?

Yeah.

So when I'm out and about in courageous destiny, I see people with t shirts like this, and I think, they're part of my tribe.

They're awesome.

They are like minded.

Like minded.

And we have something to talk about.

So I would love to talk about.

So you're.

You're in catalyst counseling.

So you own catalyst counseling.

And what do you.

What.

What sort of issues do you see when it comes to women empowering themselves?

I see the struggle, the consistency.

Like, first of all, I love trying to help women stay consistent to themselves because the client that we see come up a lot and the client that I've decided my practice around is this overworked woman.

This overworked woman who puts everyone else's needs first.

But she's a boss.

Like, either she's in a leadership role or an emerging leader, but she knows how to get stuff done in the workplace.

That's not a place that usually has a lot of doubt or confusion.

But in the personal part of her life, she struggles.

Right?

So trying to be consistent and work her life like she does her job, where she feels successful, where she doesn't feel like she's failing at these health goals or love goals or all these.

Just all the stuff that makes it personal.

Helping those women actually love their life and feel as confident in their personal life as they do in their professional ones.

That's my jam.

Those women speak to me.

I love that.

I love that.

And that I have to say, we're definitely kindred spirits there.

And one of the things that I've noticed is that you have somebody who.

And you'll have to tell me if you experience this as well, but I'll notice that I'll work with people who have incredible success sometimes in life, but then not in business, because maybe they're really nurturing, or maybe they see themselves as not confident in their success, you know, or in their business as they do in their personal life.

And then I also see that vice versa, I see the ones that are incredibly confident in their business life, they know what to do.

They've got their jam is down.

Right.

They've had to go from thing to thing to thing and get all these things done.

But then when they go into their personal life to become a woman again.

To be a woman again.

Yeah.

Right.

To be a mother.

To be a nurturing mother, to put themselves first and to give themselves credit for all that they do.

Right.

Self acknowledgement.

I know we've talked about that a lot about that topic of self acknowledgement.

Yeah.

So I see that quite a bit of.

And how do you start to rewire that?

Right.

Help them to create that kind of.

Here's your identity here.

Right.

And now let's expand your idea.

Like, I always look at it.

It's not like I have to change something that you are, or you need to change who you are, but how do you expand it to incorporate all that you are?

So you do enjoy your life so that you do, you know, love all that you're about.

Yes, yes.

Incorporating all of what you are, all of who you are.

And being a woman again, I feel like those are the key pieces that gets focused on.

Right.

Like, being a woman is so nuanced of what a woman is.

Like, am I.

There are a lot of women that I work with that they don't have kids or their kids are grown or they have younger kids.

So am I defined as a woman by, if I have a child or is it my birth child?

Is all these questions.

Questions come up of, like, so if I get to focus on being a woman, then what does that mean?

Like, how are we defining it?

And so, like, I love the part what you just said.

It's not like you're going to tell them to be something different, right?

I like it where it's kind of like we have a flashlight and when we're at work, some people are really just focused.

Like, this is my work self and their flashlight is really shining on their work and it's like I'm at home, okay, this is my work self and I'm flashing this line.

I don't like what I see when I flash my flashlight at home, but this is what I got.

See it?

But to be able to make it where it's just this light that's shining bright and you can see all of yourself and accept all of the good and the bad really coming back to that unconditional love.

Like, what is that like?

To be able to hold space and light for all of what you are, however you define it, right.

And then love that and be okay with that.

Right.

And that's where I feel like people get stuck.

It's like, is that okay?

Like I shine my, I don't like this stuff over here, so should that stay there?

Like if it's you who said we have to change it?

So I feel like that's been an ever evolving concept, right?

By the decades, by the culture of what a woman is and how she's defined.

And that just makes it so complicated for my clients.

You know, I can't agree more.

Like, one of the things that I've noticed recently, well, over the last eleven years, and it's kind of, it's come up again recently, is this idea of what is our true self.

Like, what is it that I want in my life now without all of the ideas that other people, the world, media, our environment, think about all the things that we have to navigate on a daily basis and then go, well, what do I want?

When we're taking care, many of us, we're taking care of other people.

We might be a mom.

Even if we're not a mom, we still might be taking care of other people.

We might be taking care of managing people at work or adult parents or all of these different types of things.

Yes.

So how do we create, you know, like you said, like creating this unconditional love for ourselves?

If we have that at the cornerstone, how can that help us to really take a look at these areas of life?

We don't want to shine the flashlight.

Yes.

Yes.

And I like that because it is a choice, what we shine a flashlight on.

I feel like the, the burden and the beauty is that we see everything.

First person perspective.

We see it all right?

So we can hide some stuff from ourselves, or we can say, you know what?

On this day, I'll shine a light on this mess over here.

And for some reason, when I shine a light on it, I might feel obligated to clean it up.

Right?

But that's where I like to present that challenge of, can we shine a light on it and not feel like it's broken or needs to be fixed or that it is messy?

Can we just acknowledge that it is there?

And however it got there is how it got there?

And then we get to decide with love and compassion, what, if anything, I want to adjust.

So you put this question out there.

You just said, what do I want in life now?

I mean, it's so many seasons, especially in the life of a woman, because we're usually in some type of caretaking role.

But in whatever sense, I know that could still, like, a traditional definition of a woman.

But time and time again, kind of this informal study that happens with clients as they come in, a lot of those, the clients I work with who are women are a form of a caretaker, right?

See, if it's a parent or to a child or partner, whatever that might be, they don't get to be their full attention.

So just being able just to hold that space, I don't need to fix it yet, but with love and compassion, what do I really want to change?

What do I want now that I actually can look at this from a safe space and know that it's not broken or I'm not bad because it's a mess there?

What do I want in life?

What I want to do with this in life right now?

And I think that's the best question to ask.

I love that.

And what do you think is some of the ways that you help women kind of create that acceptance, right, of those areas of life that if you shine a flashlight on, you know, you used to see a mess.

Maybe now you see it as a, like, how are some of the ways that you might be able to help somebody with that there?

So I usually get to.

I get the privilege of following the client or wherever they're at in their stories.

So because the world is bountiful in resources, some people might come to me in the part of their story of I realize this mess and I realize how I talk to myself and how this mess is maintained.

So, like, that's great.

Now we get to look at.

Let's look at those messages even deeper, because, again, we're still.

We can still hide stuff from ourselves.

So I meet them at wherever they're at in their story, or they're unveiling, rather.

Some people might just come in with the feeling of, I feel bad.

I don't like who I am.

Great.

So you needed a safe place to even.

Just to look deeper at that mess.

So that can look like, let's actually evaluate what that self talk is.

And I will say at first glance, because, you know, we're in a bountiful world of information sometimes, like, I don't talk to myself bad.

So let's look at that closer.

You might not say, oh, you horrible person, you.

But when you shine your light on this mess, is there this gut feeling, like, now we're going to the physical messages in the body?

Is this, oh, like, you feel this pain in your stomach or this.

Your heart starts to race?

There's a message in there, like, I did something wrong.

You should have done better.

Like, the more we get to deep dive into what is your mind, body, soul, spirit, all of that response to, when you look at the mess, I feel like you can't really accept, go towards full acceptance without acknowledging how you really are talking to yourself verbally and non verbally.

And I feel like all the information out there has helped people really look at how they verbally, like, say those messages.

So I like to hold that safe space of slowing down.

Like, tell me, the nonverbal, what did your stomach say?

What did.

Did your mind go to solving the problem?

Ooh, we should have did.

Excellent.

That means you said something bad first.

Like, ooh, you did that wrong.

So let's call this, like, when you start noticing your brain is more action oriented, that means that it identified a problem first.

We skipped right past that self talk of the problem and went straight to the solution.

Don't you think that it's hard to, like, one of the things that I'm coaching a lot on is self awareness, right?

Yes.

How do I create that observer?

Yep.

Sorry.

I can actually see what.

I can actually see how I'm talking to myself.

Yes.

You know, so, like, I might say something, and this is just, you know, I thought, you know, I never, like, when I first got into coaching, I never thought, you know, when I hired my first coach that I talked bad to myself either.

A lot of us don't think until.

Yeah, I created this observer thing, and then I learned how to.

In a lot of ways, I always tell people I'm like, I have the superpower, and I, the superpower is I have trained myself and practiced hours and probably thousands of hours at this point of reading my own mind like a news ticker.

Like, today, Kristen is really bent about the fact that her triplets didn't do the dishes.

Right.

Right.

You know, or Kristen really doesn't like her hair today.

It's gonna make the whole day go wrong.

Right.

There's different things that we can read in our mind to help us make us aware.

So one of the things that I'd love to share just as a tip for listeners, and I'd love to hear if you have any of these, too, like, just to bring awareness to it, is I like to turn the word should into an alarm.

Like, it's an alarm if I hear should.

I know I'm doing this bad self talk thing because I'm judging myself for whatever I did as something I did incorrectly.

Yes.

In many situations.

And if I can just kind of take a little glance at that time, because what is it?

95% of the way, we think, we're not conscious to which, when we say, I have negative self talk.

Right.

A lot of negative conversations happening that we don't even catch.

We don't even know.

Yeah.

These are just the ones that we're aware of.

Exactly.

Exactly.

So I love to put.

I love to turn that should into alarms and to have some awareness of.

Is somebody leading them toward in my world.

Right.

Is it leading them toward their courageous destiny?

Courageous destiny is everything that they want in this season.

Right.

To the idea to build a business and life they love or doesn't move me away from it, you know, to be able to become an expert at that awareness and that discernment.

Yes, yes.

No, I love that the shoulds.

Catching those shoulds.

Yes.

Yeah, catch the shoulds.

Like, with a no.

Yes.

You know, and there's.

There's so many different ways to bring.

Yeah.

We have to be able to identify where we don't unconditionally love ourselves in order to start this journey where.

So you would meet somebody where they're at and what would be some things that you would.

You would have them start on or may have them start on.

To start a journey of unconditional self love.

One of the main ones go to tools that I like because I'm concrete.

You know, like we said, there's a lot of thoughts that we have that we just don't catch.

Life moves really fast, and we're constantly doing stuff.

A thought tracker that I actually like, clients.

I was like, there's, in the course of a week because, on average, we'll meet once a week to capture at least two to three thoughts within a situation.

So it's a very structured sheet that I like to use, and it's one that's common in the therapy world.

But I like to use this a lot with mine because they tend to be overthinkers, master problem solvers.

In a week's time, easily probably 100 to 200.

Again, that we can capture.

Right.

Problems that they probably saw, if not more, as a capture, two to three.

And then go through there and see what that automatic thought is that you could recognize in that situation.

So let's say a common one, because we're talking in the majority of the personal life, is conflict with my partner.

And it could be something that appears frivolous over the socks on the floor.

Right, right.

So, like, on paper.

And so even from that situation, a lot of women are like, what's wrong with me?

Why can't I just let this go?

Right?

It's like, that's the high level.

We just want.

There must be something wrong with me.

Yeah.

Because I can't let these socks things go.

All right, so what's the automatic thought, Makani?

One, you expect me to pick up these socks.

Right?

Like, or that's one that I give.

Like, they want.

Their partner expects them, expects something of them.

Right.

They expect me to pick up these box.

You are taking advantage of me because you just leave your shit everywhere.

Right?

I self editing myself.

We get to just be really open and blunt about that.

So capture, what is that automatic thought and then going from there, really slowing down.

So how true was that?

How true was that thought?

What was the evidence that that was true?

Did your partner actually say that out loud?

And if they did, then we get more data.

What are the dynamics in that relationship?

My partner didn't say that at all.

That's just a message that I've been now receiving from.

That was my own story.

That was my own story about the sex, I think, of.

My son can trigger me.

Right?

My son can trigger me.

He's.

He's a wonderful kid.

You know, he's six.

But our kids.

Talk about, I swear, it expands my training every day to be a mom of triplet 16 year olds right now.

So.

But one of the things that he'll say, you know, you know, he'll leave.

Like, I'll be like, can you do it this way?

Like, I'll get very specific, but I try not to have more than two things, you know, like, right.

So it's not like, right.

So I'm not giving them, like, ten steps, right.

But I'm giving him some direction.

And I always say I've learned this.

Right?

Nothing is real unless there's a buy when, so.

And teenagers will always do it later.

So I'm like, I'm always giving them a by when.

So I'm like, I'm gonna set a time.

He gets mad at me.

Right?

But that's.

That's what'll happen.

But if it keeps going on, it keeps going on.

The meaning I might give that that triggers me is he doesn't respect me.

Yes.

Yes.

He's not listening to me now.

Resentment builds.

Yes.

And all of that beautiful.

Like, I love that you even could share that story with their.

With your son because it absolutely, like, all those messages come up, right?

Yeah.

It's like, I'm not mad at him because it took him 15 minutes longer to do the dishes.

I mad at him because it triggered me into thinking he doesn't respect me.

Yes.

And doesn't he know how hard I work?

Doesn't he know?

And all right, so all of now.

I become a martyr and a victim.

But there's.

It's still all your experience, right?

Yeah, exactly.

And in the moment, we experience all of it, like, so quick, like, snap of a finger.

So quickly, so slow.

There's something about this process, and I'm old school.

I do love paper.

I'll roll with the digital version of it.

That's cool.

But I tell my, you know, my clients, if you have, like, a place you can actually write it down, there's something about it slowing down.

And those who love the, you know, digital, like, as long as you're still slowing it down the way your brain likes to, and recording it.

So a lot of my clients do, like, voice to text, whatever.

Whatever way you can.

It needs to be documented outside of your brain.

So for listeners who are right now, if you're, like, doing something else, like, yes, me, that too.

Slow down and just make a note somewhere.

It's like, let me capture.

Okay, so what's that message for me, there's something about slowing it down and seeing it externally.

You get to get be that observer.

It allows you to sit in that role, even like, wow, this is my thought.

Okay.

And then that triggers all these other places of, where did this story come from?

And so the rest of the columns take the clients of the journey to, like, look at it from a different perspective.

So you get to start challenging it a little bit.

So I'll be honest.

When I give it as homework.

Clients tend to make it 75% through the way of the columns.

I say it's not a failure if you don't think that's the whole point.

Of me and being right.

It's the fact that they've just expanded their consciousness.

Yes.

And they started on their own.

They trusted themselves to sit in that space by themselves.

And that even if it wasn't perfect, to bring it back and let another person in on that story, on these again, that shine and that light on that's messy.

Oh, I don't want them to see, but that's okay.

And so then we get to finish it together or help them and fill in the gaps of whatever places where it felt too difficult for them to figure out those thoughts on their own.

So it's about seven different questions in that column.

That is the best way just to be that observed, just externalizing the view of your thoughts.

We have way too many thoughts.

And, I mean, what I'm hearing is, you know, and it really resonates a lot with me and my clients, too.

Is one of the ways that you start to create unconditional self love.

You know, one of the first things I would say.

Right.

Is to define what that even is.

Right.

Yes.

You know, if I.

And where.

And one of the ways that helps me is to look out and go, okay, where have I created unconditional self?

Or where have I unconditional love?

Right.

Where have I created it in my life?

And one of the things that I'll find is there's very few places.

There is very few places.

So me really spending some time really understanding what it means is really important, you know?

So, yeah, I unconditionally love my dog.

Yes.

He really doesn't have to do anything, you know, I mean, I'm gonna love him if he messes on the carpet.

Yes, I'm going to say something to him and I'm going to train him.

I'm still going to love him.

You know, I would say the other place is my children, for sure.

You know, I know there's a lot of unconditional love there.

You know, I'm going to love them no matter what happens.

And isn't that something, right?

Like children, our pets, like, there's this unconditional love that can happen there, but kind of those relationships that are closer, the ones we have more difficult time with our partners, maybe even with, like, parents, other family members, siblings.

It doesn't feel.

A lot of people don't feel like there's unconditional love there.

And the sad part, when I start doing this circle is like, parent to child, us to our children, we feel unconditional love, child to parent.

They might not feel it back, right?

Isn't that crazy?

Well, an unconditional love is having the love, no matter how they feel it back and be able to detach.

You know, I read a book years ago.

It was called the Untethered Soul by Michael Singer.

Yes.

One of my very, very favorite books.

And it talks a lot about unconditional love.

And it talks about detaching from whether or not somebody loves you back.

Yes.

And that, to me, was the most fascinating concept at the time, because a lot of the things that slowed me down in life was whether or not somebody was validating my love in some way.

You know, if somebody wasn't validating my love, then I would close up.

And now I create my armor.

Right now I'm going to create my armor because they don't love me back.

And so how do I start to practice that?

How do I start to love even when people don't love me back?

How do I love me like I would love my dog?

Which kind of sounds funny, right?

No, no, it absolutely makes sense.

So, like, for this whole life cycle.

So I love, like, even you putting that out there, recognizing that, becomes a burden.

So the unfortunate side is, and however your children make it to you, like the birth children or bonus children, that it starts where you know that you're taking in someone who's dependent on you from the beginning, they didn't have to give you anything for you to say, like, okay, I want to take you or mine.

I don't know.

You don't have made that decision if I'm yours yet, but you are mine.

So unconditional love has started.

Like, even the foundation of that relationship came off of.

I'm not expecting anything back from you yet.

As the child, they come into this world just developing along the way, and then they learn because of how their brains are wired this very all or nothing, thinking, like, oh, I did this.

My mom laughed.

I did this.

They got Madden.

So our children are on the other side, where love comes second.

And for us, it's like, no, you're mine.

And they're like, am I?

They go, they grow up kind of questioning it because of just how their brains develop, right?

That's a very watered down version of it, but it's why a lot of us.

And the bad rap that counselors get is you always want to talk about my parents.

Yeah.

Cause that's kind of where relationships.

It's where you learn everything from.

Yeah.

But again, oh, my mom, my dad, they were.

There was the first relationships that you had.

So it sucks.

We're not picking on them, but we are.

So even in that, as parents.

Yeah.

They do the best they can at the time.

Right.

I mean, it's.

It's really interesting because I do a lot of work as well with, you know, I'm not.

I'm not an expert at inner child work or anything like that, but I do believe it's really important because how we learned how to love, like, so if I go, I want to create more unconditional love in my life.

The reason why I want to do that, well, for me, it's freedom.

I want.

I just want to.

I remember when I really started working on this.

And it doesn't mean, you know, creating unconditional love for somebody and creating unconditional love for yourself doesn't mean you don't hold yourself to standards.

It doesn't mean that you, you are.

I have unconditional love for my spouse, but I guarantee if he went out and cheated.

Right.

Or had an affair, it really had a lot of power to me to think I can still love them, but he doesn't have to have access to me anymore.

Right.

There's impact to that.

Yes, it is that, you know, and.

But that doesn't mean that I don't love that person.

Like, once the father of my kids, always the father of kids.

By the way, that was not my story.

But it's a great, it's a great example of kind of a lot of those places in the personal world, especially for women who, like, want to succeed.

They want to have their stuff together that are like, oh, if I let this relationship go, then I failed.

And I'm supposed to love them and stand by them, all the things, like, whatever a woman's supposed to do.

I can still love you from afar.

I can still hold you in my heart.

I can wish the best for you.

And you don't have to be in my life in this way.

Exactly.

I can show that love for myself and that I don't need to hold onto this because of whatever the meaning that it's gonna mean to everyone else or however it's gonna look, but how it actually is gonna feel for me, my mind, body, soul.

Right.

Like, so that's a powerful move for people who can recognize, like, we can do this from a distance, partner, kids, parents, all that stuff, right.

I was like, I don't have to have you in my life this way.

It's always kind of this unwritten rulebook.

So I feel like that's where a lot of the conditional love comes from.

It's like a equals b b c.

So all of that transformative properties, then that's when I love myself.

And I can check all these boxes.

It doesn't have to be.

So I feel like this conversation shakes that up, where it's like, it doesn't have to be based off of these certain conditions.

How about it looks a mess and you still love yourself.

A equals a.

Exactly.

You know, I.

Part of my.

I'm going to call it my self love journey.

You know, I did a speech years ago, one of my very first speeches that I ever did, probably about eight years ago now, was having the courage to love yourself first.

So I said, I dare you to love yourself first.

And what that meant was to design a line, dare means to design, align action, rewire anything in the mind that stands in the way and keep expanding, because I truly believe self love, unconditional self love, unconditional love, they're all journeys.

It's not like, especially with the anatomy of our brain, we are never going to just not forget.

No, smartest technology is up here.

The smartest technology in the world.

Yes.

And we still only get, you know, 5% of that.

Exactly.

To be conscious, too.

So to say that I'm done with my self love journey, or I hear this a lot, too, I'm done with, you know, I can't believe I have to talk about my childhood again.

And I worked on that.

I thought I might.

Yeah.

I'm like, I went through years of counseling for this.

I can't believe I have to talk about that again.

I'm like, well, if it's still impacting the way that, you know, your business is working, wouldn't you want to address it?

It's not.

It's not.

It's not like you don't have the experience.

You don't lose any of the experience or the knowledge or the breakthroughs that you've had.

It's just.

It's just enhancing it.

Yeah.

It's giving yourself more freedom.

Yes.

That freedom piece.

It's not like they failed in their healing journey, because it's coming up again.

Exactly.

Exactly.

So, to me, part of my story is I had lost, you know, one thing that led me to coaching in the first place is I lost all kinds of weight, and I learned how to really see what my thoughts were and expand my awareness so that I could start reprogramming and changing some of those thoughts which led to different actions.

And with that, I was like a kid in the candy store, because I was like, holy cow, if I can do it, anybody can do it, you know?

And then fast forward, I got to about year eight, and I'm doing really good, and Covid's happening now.

And now I injure my back.

And one of the ways that I had really learned how to maintain my weight loss was through really pretty extreme exercise.

I exercised probably a good couple hours a day.

I loved it.

You know, I just.

As long as you loved it?

Yes.

Yeah.

Like, I love it.

Good.

And then when you have an injury like that, you need to shift things, right?

Yes.

And then I fell in love, so I injured my back, and then I fell in love, you know, got divorced, fell in love, all those types of things.

And before I knew it, I was like, oh, I've put a few miles back.

Yes, right.

And for a while, I could walk around.

I'm like, this is my love way.

It was great.

But one of the things that it did was it started to.

I'd start to see that self judgment come back where I wasn't unconditionally loving myself.

Like, sure, I can love myself at, you know, 145 pounds and a size five and in really great shape.

Can I love myself with 50 more pounds on me?

Can I love myself with 70 more pounds on me?

Can I love myself?

Right.

And then could I love myself and make adjustments at the same time for my health and kind of flip the script with everything?

Yes.

Right.

And in all that, I started becoming incredibly grateful for the thing that I hated the most in my whole entire life, which was this whole weight discussion in my mind, it became, like, the thing that I would talk about all the time that wasn't unconditional.

Like, in order for me to really love myself, I had to have this result.

So I'm so passionate about this topic, because when somebody says to me, oh, I talk to myself, great.

Or, you know, part of what goes through my head is, how many thousands of hours worth of work have you had to be able to know?

And do you have everything that you want in your life?

Not as a way to combat them or make them feel low or something like that, but to me, it's such a journey, and it's such a beautiful journey, and it comes with so much freedom.

What are some of the success?

And you don't have to go into specifics, obviously.

I know that there's, you know, there's definitely an anonymity.

But what are some of the things that you've noticed happen in the world?

Because one of your clients really starts to develop that unconditional love for themselves, they stop overworking.

Whoa.

Yeah.

And to not feel guilty about taking the time for themselves, even if they end up pushing deadlines back or they're just moving differently.

But the big piece of not overworking, because now I love myself unconditionally.

I know that I don't have to do things this quote, unquote, right way in order to be this good person or to be this good employee or a good leader or good mom, wife, partner, all those things, right.

That they can just actually take.

Take up space.

That is the biggest and beautiful win that I get to see is how they take up space in their lives now because of it.

So the bit, because of the clinical piece of it, we're measuring these things like anxiety and depression.

So now if they go through this transformation and anxieties decrease, depressions decrease, guess what?

They now have the energy and momentum that they wanted to continuously, like, show up for themselves because their thoughts and their energy isn't focused on trying to, like, correct anxious thoughts or boost up depressive thoughts, right.

And then it's not impacting their home.

All these things, right.

But they just get to take up space without guilt.

And I love, absolutely love that.

So if everyone in the world could just experience what it's like just to feel that way, that would be.

That's something that I wish.

An impact I would love to leave on this world, right.

Is for people to actually live a life that they actually like, that they want to wake up to, that they want to tell people about without feeling like they're boastful or anything like that, but just take up space.

You know?

I was going to say.

I was going to say I love that sometimes I get in my head about that because my clients will say it sometimes before I say.

They go, I bet you love that.

I just became aware of it.

I'm like, no, I love that.

There is no shame to love.

That's part of it, right?

But, yeah, but that's part of it.

So there's these things of even like, of how we think, how many times we can we emote.

I love that when the anxious thoughts get nitty gritty and they're like, I can't put three explanation points after this.

Explanation points.

I can only do two for these things.

I can't move forward.

I can only use one.

I can only be so excited.

I'm like, if you shine your light on something and your authentic self is happy and emoting, and that tends to be more than the people in your life, what needs to change there?

I'm not saying just get rid of all the people in your life, but what does that mean?

You actually want to surround yourself with people who emote like you, with people who aren't afraid to say, like, I love that a thousand times a day with a thousand exclamation points, because taking up space now.

So I find, unfortunately, that a lot of my clients dim their light to fit in, and a lot of it is them kind of making their lights brighter and being okay with it.

Because, I mean, we are in the midwest.

We know certain cultures where we can walk down the street and not speak to anybody.

But that also then depends on which sub, you know, culture.

You also live in the suburbs and stuff.

But a lot of the times they feel like their happiness is too much or they recognize, like, man, I used to feel that way, but now I don't anymore.

And they didn't even recognize.

The subtle way is that they made themselves quiet in order to fix it.

Gets so used to feeling bad that it's foreign to just feel good.

Yes, yes.

And that's what we wanted to come on today and really start to move the needle for all the listeners.

I'm going to ask you two questions, Jasmine, that I ask everybody who's on my podcast, and then we're going to wrap things up, because I could talk forever.

Yes, we could really talk forever.

It's a beautiful topic.

Yes, exactly.

It really is.

In fact, I'm, like, sitting there going, yeah, dimming your switch.

That's another one we need to talk about.

Yes, yes.

But I wanted to say, what is the most courageous thing you've ever done?

This is the Courageous Destiny podcast.

So, what is the most courageous thing you've ever done?

Having a child.

I started my relationship.

My relationship came with a bonus child.

There was nothing.

And then even before that relationship started, I was like, I don't really know if I'm.

I think I'd be a great aunt.

I don't know if I need to, like, be a mom.

Mom.

So before I even got in that relationship, he had a daughter.

It wasn't until.

This is recently, my son is three years old.

That.

That whole time, wherever it is, because the math escapes me now.

I sat in the space of, do we want to do this.

Do we need to do that?

And then sitting in these conversations, like, in shining the light in places that we just are afraid to look one day was like, I think you're just afraid to try, and this is something that you actually want.

It's like, so I have a whole thing of myself f here, you know, we're going to do it.

You know, I've heard that before for too, you know, and I love that you put motherhood there.

Yes.

Pretty freaking terrifying.

Yes.

And I already had the goal for my business.

Everything else was cool, relationship cool, got my child cool.

I always tell her, like, she's, you know, I was meant to be her mom.

She was meant to be my daughter.

Like, ever full time, my full time daughter, not like half the time or anything.

Like, this is how I was meant to have my child.

That was my story.

And then I was like, okay, so, yes, being a mom was the most courageous thing, or being a birth mom.

I will say that being a birth mom.

Well, I'm raising the roof right now with my hands to that.

I can't agree more.

Now, what is the most courageous thing that is left on your bucket list?

Oh, it's going to sound very aspirational, but it is to change the world.

All right.

Yeah.

Conversations, like, one conversation at a time, one event at a time, just to make the world better than how I found it.

That's what I'm going for.

I love that I know somebody who's into that, too, so.

And I do believe that anybody can change the world by believing they can.

Yes.

And one conversation at a time.

You never know.

One person could be listening to this podcast that we just went on and started there, their journey of self love and found their life's purpose.

And now is, you know, in a few years or in a week or whatever it is, helping somebody, saving somebody's lives.

We don't know.

We don't know.

But one conversation at a time.

One thing, you know, when it comes from our authenticity, I am convinced that makes all the difference in the world.

Yes.

We're the only ones that can bring our authenticity.

Whoever you are out there listening, you're the only ones that can bring your.

True essence out into the world in your specific way.

That's the problem.

Exactly.

Exactly.

Well, jasmine, thank you so much for being on my podcast.

For everybody listening.

I will have how you can contact jasmine if you're interested and something really resonated with you and you'd like to reach out to jasmine, I'm going to go ahead and have her information in the notes on this podcast.

Please feel free.

What is the best way for people to contact you, jasmine, our main website.

I know it's a long one, but it's catalyst counseling group.

So if you look that up, catalyst counseling group.com, and it's the same on all the socials, so you can find us out there.

Okay.

That's catalystcounselinggroup.com.

Yes.

And again, I will also have her information in the show notes.

So thank you so much.

Thank you.

This was so much fun.

It was fun.

It was fun.

And jasmine will be back to bless us with more conversations in the future.

I love that.

Yes.

All right.

For now, everybody, I just want you to go out there and build a business in life you love.

One step at a time.

Bye for now.