Hi everyone and welcome to Sober Alcohol Free Stories. I'm Victoria and I don't drink. Tonight I'll talk to Sid. Sid is an old friend and one I shared some of my drinking evenings with many moons ago. It's lovely to hear how he has successfully turned his life around. Sid's drinking was exacerbated by a series of stressful events in his life, and finally he decided it was time to stop.

Sid shares his story with a real optimism for his future, and his wise realisation that fear of failure can be just the motivation that we sometimes need to succeed.

Hi everyone and welcome to

Sober Alcohol Free Stories.

2

I'm Victoria and I don't drink.

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Tonight I'll talk to Sid.

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Sid is an old friend and one I shared many

drinking evenings with many moons ago.

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Sid's drinking was exacerbated by a series

of stressful events in his life, and

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finally he decided it was time to stop.

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Sid shares his story with a real

optimism for his future and his

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wise realization that fear of

failure can be just the motivation

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that we sometimes need to succeed.

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vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: Hi Sid.

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sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: Hi.

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vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858:

Lovely to have you on.

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Lovely to see you again actually after

many, many years, congratulations on.

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Becoming sober.

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And I saw on Facebook ' that that

had happened and reached out to

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you because I thought it was great.

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I knew that I wanted you to come

on my podcast if you wanted to.

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So I gave you a bit of time

and then pestered you a

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little bit and here you are.

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So I appreciate you coming on and

spending some time with me today.

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what I do is just ask my guests

to share their story in the hope

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that there's someone listening who.

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Feels like that might be something

that they're going through.

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And it will just show them maybe

how you've done it and also

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some of the challenges that you

might have faced, et cetera.

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So I'll

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sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: Yeah,

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vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: to you

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sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: of course.

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vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: you to

just tell us a bit about yourself and your

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story, what happened to Sid, the drinker,

when did you become Sid, the non-drinker.

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And, and why was that?

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And how was that?

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sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: Well,

yeah, so I'm, late forties.

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but I think what I call the fun

stage started when I was quite young.

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First of all, I fell off a stage at

church, having, had a drink when I was 10.

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So I think that was probably my

first experience with alcohol.

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I then got selected to play, for

a professional football team.

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within their school of excellence and back

then in the eighties, and early nineties,

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part of that culture was alcohol.

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they're now as fit as a

fiddle, very few drinkers.

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but it was actively encouraged.

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I got, selected to go to, this

really good sports school.

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And that was rugby.

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And of course back then, and probably to a

certain degree still is the boozy culture.

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So it was just normal around me.

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school was all about sport.

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outside of school was all about

sport, but with that was alcohol.

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I was drinking exorbitant

amounts, from the age of.

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15 continually all the way through.

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and then straight from uni,

which was messy as well.

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went into, an industry whereby work

hard, play hard, and, I did both of them.

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probably the play hard, a little

better than the work hard and

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actually everybody else around you,

Predominantly, W was drinking, so

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you weren't the anomaly, I guess.

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And whilst I had a fantastic time being

an area manager, there was a young team,

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there was a real social element to that.

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And it just got gradually worse

and worse and worse, but gradually

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more and more acceptable because

it wasn't Sid, the drunk.

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Sid was one of the drunks.

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therefore I never really

checked myself whatsoever.

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and then it just upped

and up and up and up.

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And then there was a point in my

life, not so long ago where seemingly

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everything around me was going wrong.

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I got diagnosed with a

long-term, neurogenerative

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disease, split up from my wife.

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The kids moved away, had adjusted up with

my parents, caused by my drinking, split

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from their girlfriend, caused by drinking.

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I ended up in hospital.

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You know, on death door having eight

days worth of, rehydration, I was

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actually, in resource rather than a and e.

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and it was at that point when I got

discharged that I thought enough's enough.

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vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: Mm-hmm.

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sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: I

was at risk of losing my kids.

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losing my job.

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I'd lost my parents.

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I'd lost my girlfriend, like I said.

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And I had some very, very low moments

and I just thought, right, I'm gonna

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have to, try and change my life and

we won't go into that properly yet.

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But it was an incredibly low moment.

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And stopping the drink was actually one

of the causes that put me into hospital.

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so if there is anyone out there that

suddenly wakes up going, I've gotta

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knock this on the head, be very

careful in the fact that you've gotta

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down, titrate your alcohol or else.

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You'll do an Amy Winehouse, right?

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Which wasn't heroin

and alcohol killed her.

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It was stopping thereof.

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so if there is anybody out there

that wants to do what we've done,

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then they need to be really careful.

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it's be a great thing to do, but you, you

could cause serious damage to yourself.

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And when I mean serious damage,

my heart rate was 2, 2, 2.

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My blood pressure was 200 over one 20.

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Ended up with three cannula

in my arm, eight nine lines.

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And 35 liters of fluid pumped

through me, within the first

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two days being in hospital.

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So, you know, my view of the world

has changed massively, but just tread,

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tread carefully when you do make

that decision to change your life

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because it could, could have impacts.

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And whe whether you want to talk to a

healthcare practitioner or professional

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before you do it, then do so.

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vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: Yeah.

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sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: But yeah,

I mean, things have changed now.

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Vic, I, I've got a completely

different outlook on life.

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I mean, my new addiction is the gym.

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you know, I'm in there most mornings.

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Got personal trainer twice a week.

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and it's a healthy

addiction to have, right?

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Rather than not.

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I don't wake up with one eye

open going, when's that sledge?

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How I gonna hit me in the top of their

head that we, we all have with the

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hangover And just my general outlook

and nervousness and, you know, mood I

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guess is completely and utterly changed.

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vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: Mm-hmm.

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sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: and I was

desperately sad that I'd wasted

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so many years doing what I did.

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But I'm not gonna be, you know,

become a reformed whore and

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tell everybody else to give up.

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I'm not like that kind of person.

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But, it doesn't really matter if

you did or not, it's the future.

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You know, I've got more than

the same number of lives left,

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you know, hopefully another 50.

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and if that's the case, then they're gonna

be healthy and with a really bright elbow.

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vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858:

Yeah, those are things in there

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that are really important.

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I think the message around, uh,

titrating down seeking medical

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advice is really important.

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Well, you need to check with your GP

really, whatever amount of alcohol because

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to stop dead like that can be fatal.

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So really good advice to give.

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I think.

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the regrets side of things, I

think most of us who have stopped

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drinking have moments where we

think, only we'd done this earlier.

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And that's because it, you

feel so great and because

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sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: Yeah.

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vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858:

new outlook, isn't it?

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sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: Yeah.

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vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858:

you wanna rewind and sort of, miss

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out some of those messy nights.

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Some of them, like, I'm, I'm glad

I had, do you know what I mean?

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I had a great time.

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Some of those nights were really fun.

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I think we had a few fun nights together

with the team that you were talking about.

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but you know, that, that it

then turns into something more

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sinister and I think that the.

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Anxiety and the sledgehammer.

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Those things that you spoke about

are very familiar to me as well,

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and the sledgehammer to me wasn't

necessarily a, a headache, but it

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was more a, oh god, what did I say?

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Or what did I do?

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Or what have I lost?

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Or, you know, those kind of just

feeling and not great about yourself.

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There was a lady, she

was called Lucy Rocker.

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I've spoken about her before on this.

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she has a community called so baristas,

called it the cloak of shame to me

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that you wear this cloak of shame

and you're so used to waking up with

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it and just feeling like that crap

person who's not really worth much to

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anyone, probably because you've done

something you shouldn't have done.

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Like, let's face it,

it's not, that it was.

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sid_1_07-15-2025_184859:

Well, you can't remember.

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vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858:

Oh, you don't know exactly, but you

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just presume the worst, don't you,

about yourself and how then all of a

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sudden you are not wearing it anymore

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sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: Yeah.

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vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858:

described it.

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I thought that was quite

perfect for how I feel.

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sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: Yeah.

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I tell what, what was strange for me when

I actually gave up is I didn't realize

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how many years it'd been since I've had a

dream, because, you know, when you drink

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alcohol, you, you, I mean, it knocks you

out really quickly, which is great, right?

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Because if you've got a big

presentation the next day or whatever,

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you just want to get to sleep.

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but the trouble is you never

go into deep sleep, right?

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So then you don't come out having

rapid eye movement, any, any

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of that really lovely sleep.

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And I remember just thinking,

Jesus, that was a dream.

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I can't remember what it was, but I,

it's been years since I'd had one.

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vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: Yeah.

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sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: just these

little tiny rewards, because for

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me it's not binary, it's just like.

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Making sure that you see and note down

all of the great stuff that's happening,

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but also write down what would've

happened had you not given up drinking.

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vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: Mm-hmm.

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sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: waking up

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vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: idea.

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sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: sometimes

with people you don't even know.

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vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: Mm-hmm.

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sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: you know,

and not remembering the night and

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then the cloak of fear I called you.

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Then start filling in the blanks with

stuff that isn't even true 'cause

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you can't remember, so it must bad.

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and that wasn't, wasn't

necessarily the case.

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Whereas now I wake up with

complete clarity, no shame.

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vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: Mm-hmm.

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sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: don't

get me wrong, I still make a fool

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of myself, but that's my choice.

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It's not the alcohol tablet to.

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vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: Yeah.

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Oh, absolutely.

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It's like you don't suddenly become

perfect because you're not drinking,

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but at least it's all authentic.

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It is.

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You like you've chosen

to behave in that way.

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You are not, you know, I don't

think that when we drink.

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You know, some people say, oh,

that's your true self when you

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drink, the true you comes out.

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I a hundred percent disagree with

that because I know exactly what

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I'm like because for three and a

half years I haven't had a drink.

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And I know my values, what

I think is, decent behavior.

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And sometimes I do things that are

wrong, of course, but of the things that

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I did when I was drinking, I just said

there's no way that I would do them.

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So I call it Vic plus booze.

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It's like, not me at all.

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It's Vic plus booze that would

do that kind of stupid thing.

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And like almost deliberately, miss

a last train home and end up in a.

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Taxi coming back from London again,

spending like all my money on just

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ludicrous things that I would do.

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And there's no way that in

my right mind I would choose.

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And that's a tame example

to do some of things I did.

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sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: yeah, there's

a number of mistakes I've made in a

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high profile, You know, being arrested

and being, relationship wise, just, I

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can't tell you how many mistakes I made.

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I laugh about it because it's happened.

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But what you can do is prospectively

have a different outlook on life.

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one thing that I do and I'll

share this with you, on Facebook,

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I've got a picture of me.

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After eight days when I was in hospital.

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whenever I have a little wobbly

moment because I'm not, white, like

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the driven snow, don't get me wrong,

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vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: Mm-hmm.

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sid_1_07-15-2025_184859:

but I am free of alcohol.

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vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: Mm-hmm.

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sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: time I have a

wobble, I look at the horrible, scary

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photo of myself and just go, that's

enough for me not to want to 'cause

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the thing, don't suddenly give up and

go, oh, I don't want to drink tomorrow.

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Right.

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Um.

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You know, and I was totally scared of

going to even the cricket club with

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my kids because there was a bar there.

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or avoiding any social contact

because I didn't wanna have to

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explain if they didn't know me,

why I wasn't having a drink.

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You know, it's almost like being female

and being pregnant, but you having

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haven't announced it to the company.

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So, you know, why, why are

you not changing things?

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But like now, I take real pride in

going to the bar and just getting

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a Diet Coke or a sparkling water

and buying one of the other dads of

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beer, and they know the story and

they're like, you all right with that?

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And I'm like, I don't want to

change anybody else's behavior.

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vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: Yeah.

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sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: make an

active decision to change mine.

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So don't feel bad.

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Have a drink.

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I'm not supposed to

suddenly get this urge.

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vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858:

well, there's a, there.

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Well, for me anyway, there was a

moment, and for me, a moment where I

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flipped it from something that I had

to do to something that I chose to do.

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And I remember the moment because

I was in a pub and I was actually

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trying to get hot chocolate.

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It was in London.

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I was trying to get hot chocolate.

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I was with my uni friends,

they were all enjoying drinks.

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the barman said to me, why

don't you have a proper drink?

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because he didn't wanna

turn the machine on.

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it was late, it was 11 o'clock

and I wanted him to turn the

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hot chocolate machine on.

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sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: Yeah.

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vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858:

And I said to him.

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Kind of indignant.

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I was like, because I don't drink.

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I remember the next day like messaging,

saying, oh my God, I said this.

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And it felt brilliant actually.

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So that's where the I don't

Drink for Me came from.

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And then I used that in all

my blogs that I signed off.

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I signed it off with, I don't drink.

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and then on this, I've

added , I don't drink.

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It's always at the beginning.

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It's always at the end of my podcast.

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Because the more I've told myself

that the prouder I've become of it,

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sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: Yeah.

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vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858:

but at the beginning you are right.

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You don't, you don't have that

because it feels, because you

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are in this boo soaked world it's

difficult and people don't understand.

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also if you are like you and me,

probably you worry people are gonna

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think you're boring because you.

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sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: Yeah.

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100%.

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vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858:

Because we thought people were

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boring when they didn't drink.

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But, I don't care about that anymore.

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I a hundred percent know.

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I know so many sober people,

but they're so not boring.

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They have much more interesting lives

than a lot of the people that I know

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that do still drink probably too much.

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sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: Yep.

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vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: They're

up at the weekend, paddle boarding, set a

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line there, feeling like shit for a start.

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There's all that kind of stuff.

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sid_1_07-15-2025_184859:

I'll give you an example.

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So on Friday I'm going to, with

a personal trainer at 6 45.

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six months ago I would

be coming in at 6 45,

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vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: Yeah.

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sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: hammered, having

intentionally missed the last trade.

302

and then waking up in the morning,

not remembering how I got home until

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I saw a receipt two days later.

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I was like, shit, I've just

spent 200 quid, on a cab.

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So there's so many cumulative positives,

but I think the biggest thing for me

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is take every day as it comes, reward

yourself every day that it comes.

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vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: Yeah.

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sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: Thank you

yourself for the morning that you've

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had, and I believe you may, I've not

suddenly turned into a religious,

310

you know, pile of alcohol at all.

311

But I'm really not the case,

but I just reward myself 'cause

312

it's my objective to do it.

313

Um, and I don't mind ing as

well, you know, big northern lad.

314

Well, therapy now, I don't have,

I don't want a therapist now.

315

It's fundamentally, underpins my

success because if I have a wobble,

316

I've got someone to speak to.

317

alcoholics Anonymous didn't really

help me at all because I saw people

318

who were, who look fabulous, but

were drinking a lot more than me.

319

so that's why there are

so many different things.

320

It's not aa, you know, aa or not,

321

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: Yeah.

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sid_1_07-15-2025_184859:

are different things.

323

So it's just finding what helps for you.

324

the one thing I do have the AA app and

every morning, and, and I told you just

325

before the call, you know, it's 1, 1

8, 6 days for me, and I look because

326

it's every day it's like a little notch

on the, you know, notch on the bed.

327

It's another data.

328

and then with that you can also

associate it with the cost,

329

financial cost of, of not drinking.

330

The crap that you don't eat alongside

it and it is actually liquid cake.

331

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: Yes,

332

sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: Yeah.

333

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858:

know so bad how much sugar's in it.

334

and actually I did, I lost weight when

I first stopped drinking, but then I

335

started to put it on, 'cause I replaced

it, started eating a load of chocolate.

336

But, I'm working on that.

337

to be honest with you,

I would rather have.

338

And had a bit of chocolate.

339

then deal with that later.

340

Because when you stop, like you say, you

have to reward yourself and you have to.

341

You have to get those little dopamine

hits for, you know, you've done

342

really well, so you can have this,

or just looking at that, looking at

343

the day count or the money count.

344

I had an app at the beginning.

345

I had one called I Am

Sober, I think it was.

346

And I loved looking at the count

and it would have like little

347

sayings and affirmations and

things, and I'd look at 'em

348

sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: Okay.

349

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: yes.

350

You know, my favorite one when I

was relatively new was, haven't come

351

this far, only to come this far.

352

And it really made me.

353

Right.

354

So there's, I haven't, I haven't

gone through all that to now have

355

to, know, start all over again.

356

I also, got myself like a little present

when I got to a hundred days and like

357

a, I got myself a diamond ring actually.

358

So I got myself a big present

'cause I won an award at work.

359

So I spent it all on me.

360

sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: Good.

361

Good.

362

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858:

That was it.

363

Why not?

364

Why not?

365

sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: And then another

thing as well that, I, I found useful,

366

I still take is, a drug that takes away

the, the need because I had, I fell

367

off the wagon twice and that's really,

really important that I say this because.

368

I hated myself because I got, you

know, I was, because this was before

369

Christmas and then I've, I've been

sober since the beginning of February.

370

but I was spent Christmas alone

because alcohol ruined the

371

relationship with my girlfriend

who was meant to be going to sea.

372

my parents.

373

and I wasn't with the kids or

their mom until Boxing Day.

374

So that was a very,

very low moment for me.

375

Fell off the wagon, and then

hated myself for for weeks.

376

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: Mm.

377

sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: because, you

know, it's not about the mistake that

378

you've made, it's what you want to be.

379

And you know, it's sometimes,

and for some people it's two

380

steps forward, one step back.

381

Um, but then, you know, as my

therapy said, focus on what you have

382

achieved rather than you screw up.

383

Right.

384

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: Yeah.

385

sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: Your

app will start recounting don't,

386

don't beat yourself up about it,

but just look at what that app's

387

gonna tell you, moving forward.

388

So I think that's really important in

the fact that it's, it is a journey.

389

It's an individual journey.

390

, I called upon the local alcohol service

as well, which is where I got put in touch

391

with the, the therapist and I was actually

put into a drug called a Camps eight.

392

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: Mm-hmm.

393

sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: which

removes the need, but also makes

394

you incredibly sick if you do.

395

now that, that was because it

was the third go at it, right?

396

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: Yeah.

397

sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: I'm not saying

that drugs or pharmaceuticals are good for

398

anybody, but you know, I tried different

things and now this therapy and the gym.

399

what's working?

400

I feel like I could come off the drug

tomorrow, which I probably, I won't.

401

I'll come to the end of the course,

but there's not one thing fixes all.

402

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858:

No, you are right.

403

And it's different for everybody.

404

I sometimes feel like I was really

quite lucky for a few different reasons.

405

I stopped before it

got much, like too bad.

406

It was bad enough that I

stopped, but that meant for me.

407

It was much more mental.

408

It was much more about me

feeling like I was enough.

409

non-drinker in social circles

and all of that stuff.

410

So that was the kind of stuff I had to

do, which was very much about connection.

411

But I've spoken to all sorts of people on

here, and the importance of knowing that

412

if you have a slip, then you can pick

up and you can go again, that's massive

413

because it's so different for everyone.

414

And it is part of the learning.

415

it's like that for everything, isn't it?

416

with what you do next

and how you manage it.

417

And I know I've got friends who've had

slips, of slips, know, some who manage

418

only a month and then slip again and then

a month and they, and there's a pattern

419

and then all of a sudden they've stopped

and they've not gone back for two years.

420

And it's like,

421

sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: Yeah.

422

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: okay.

423

So, you know, it doesn't mean anything.

424

sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: Yeah,

425

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858:

think you lose.

426

You do have a counter that starts again,

and we all quite like those counters.

427

sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: yeah.

428

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858:

nice visual, isn't it?

429

sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: Yeah.

430

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: I

always say you are, both of those

431

numbers together, minus one or minus

five or whatever the slip was for,

432

because it is, it's, you know, there's

an accumulation that you've done, you've

433

done well to do the month before that or

the two months before that, haven't you?

434

You've gotta, you've gotta

take the credit for it.

435

It's not easy.

436

sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: exactly.

437

I mean, as you know, I love, playing.

438

I love watching and love

watching my, kids play rugby.

439

What was challenging for me is,

watching, the rugby, and everybody, I

440

was like on this corporate, freebie and

you could, you can only imagine what

441

I'd be like of one of those normally.

442

but I did find that, I mean, I

never drink Guinness apart from it.

443

The rugby where everyone drinks

guness, seemingly, you know, I

444

did find like Guinness nor point

nor now they say it's no point.

445

No there is trace, right?

446

So you've gotta be careful there

if you're on any medication

447

that might cause an interaction.

448

But, There are alternatives to it now.

449

Now I don't drink any zero alcohol

ones 'cause they're not zero alcohol.

450

I'm quite happy with

the water and diet Coke.

451

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: Yeah.

452

sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: but the

best thing about that day is I had

453

about five or six pints of Guinness.

454

Felt I was as high as a kite on booze

and everybody else around me was

455

just making a fool of themselves.

456

So.

457

For once I was the non foolish one, which

was, which had been for me, but I think I,

458

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: a

bit of smugness for that I think.

459

I think we're allowed a bit of smug

when it comes to those situations.

460

sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: and, but,

but again, like you, it is just, uh,

461

oh, you're not, you're not drinking.

462

But I think the Guinness was, was what

was avoiding me being asked constantly.

463

Why aren't you drinking?

464

I was like, oh, I'll just have a Guinness.

465

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: yeah,

466

sid_1_07-15-2025_184859:

No, no, it's really not.

467

Actually, there are, there are

other doubts available by the way.

468

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: Yeah,

no, I agree with you about the Guinness.

469

And actually, interestingly, my husband

now drinks zero Guinness quite a lot.

470

Like, just 'cause he likes it because

we've, we've been drinking it.

471

He still drinks but

don't bother me at all.

472

but he's definitely cut

down since I stopped.

473

It kind of goes to show

that I was the pusher.

474

It was me going, let's

open a bottle of wine.

475

sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: Yeah.

476

Yeah,

477

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858:

But there we are.

478

sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: yeah.

479

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858:

Can't be, can't be perfect.

480

Can we.

481

sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: I'm

certainly not, but I'm on

482

my way and I never will be.

483

But yeah, I'm trying my best to be,

I'm just trying to be a better mate.

484

I dunno what the best me is and I don't

think I'll ever be the best me, but,

485

you know, I've always been this kind of

fear of failure rather than goal driven.

486

and that's why I look at this photo

because of the fear of failure.

487

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: Yeah.

488

sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: but you

shouldn't beat yourself up when you do

489

or if you do, because no one's perfect.

490

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: Yeah,

Steven Bartlett has got a head of

491

failure in his organization and says

it's what makes it so successful.

492

Because if you don't fail,

you never know how to improve.

493

And I actually think the best version,

this is just my little Victoria

494

, the best version of any of us.

495

Is the one that is trying to be

the best version of any of us.

496

It doesn't really matter what that

is or where you, you know, where

497

what you, what you can reach.

498

But if you are trying to do it, then

you are probably leaps and bounds

499

ahead of a lot of people because a lot

of people settle and don't challenge

500

themselves or think about ways to improve.

501

They don't learn from their losses

502

so I think it's amazing what you're doing.

503

sid_1_07-15-2025_184859:

Thank you very much.

504

You too.

505

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858:

What is your.

506

Best tip for someone if they're,

they're where you were, so they're

507

drinking, you said, say a couple of

bottles of wine a day or more, and

508

they are feeling shit or they've

lost someone they love, or whatever

509

situation has occurred because of it.

510

What's your, what would you

say to them what you know now?

511

sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: there was

a lot of external, things that were

512

happening in my life that were affecting.

513

My drinking, but the only thing that

was in my control was my drinking.

514

I couldn't, impact the cancer

that was going on in my family.

515

I couldn't impact the fact that I'd

been diagnosed with the condition.

516

but what I could impact is the

drinking, which would then repair

517

the relationships so I think

it's about that locus of control.

518

and it's not blaming alcohol, right?

519

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: Mm-hmm.

520

sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: It should be

thinking around, but it's my choice.

521

The alcohol didn't open itself.

522

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: Mm-hmm.

523

sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: Um, it didn't,

it didn't tip it up into a glass and

524

it didn't, you know, go into your vein.

525

You make that choice.

526

So I think it's all around just

making, getting your control back.

527

and that's what can lead to the smugness,

because I just thought I had absolutely

528

no locus of control whatsoever.

529

And it's really, really nice to

know that I do really do have a,

530

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: Yeah.

531

sid_1_07-15-2025_184859:

a legacy of control.

532

Now, it doesn't mean that I'm a

controlling person, as, you know, I'm

533

the least controlling person, but I've

now got, you know, that level of control.

534

So I, it's not really necessarily about

setting objectives, it's just, stop

535

blaming the environment and, and start

taking responsibility for what you want.

536

'cause only you can do that, right.

537

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: Yeah,

as somebody said to me, really early

538

days, Had a bit of a fear of failure.

539

I actually don't anymore, but I did then.

540

she said to me, well.

541

isn't really an option.

542

And she, and she was quite harsh

with me and she said, this isn't

543

your fault, but it is a hundred

percent your responsibility.

544

And I actually quite liked it.

545

Like she was quite strict and

quite, you know, gave me a good,

546

this is, it's up to you like choose

to do it or choose not to do it.

547

And I needed that because

feel like that about it.

548

it is my responsibility and maybe

I don't know what fed into it.

549

There was lots of things going on in

my life that could have potentially

550

fed into it, but ultimately.

551

I'm the only person.

552

It is my job, I want that life,

then I have to make that happen.

553

So,

554

sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: I think what,

really struck me, I didn't realize

555

that there are really successful

people that, have a fear of failure.

556

So I read something

about, by you saying bolt.

557

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: yeah.

558

sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: most Olympic

sprinters I want the gold medal.

559

I want the gold medal.

560

I want to be 9.58

561

or whatever.

562

bolt record was.

563

But Usain Bolt is fear of failure,

but the way he looks at things

564

is, I don't want to come second.

565

That's exactly the same

objective as somebody who goes,

566

I wanna win the gold medal.

567

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: Yeah.

568

sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: So

it doesn't really necessarily

569

mean it how you wire it.

570

It's how you know the outcome

571

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: it.

572

sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: and actually you

saying very rarely came second as we know,

573

you know, and still has that world record.

574

So don't beat yourself up if you

feel that you're going to fail.

575

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858:

yeah, yeah.

576

And you might, and if you do, then

you just gotta give it another go,

577

sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: You say,

Bob doesn't win every race, right.

578

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: Exactly.

579

Wise, Sid,

580

sid_1_07-15-2025_184859:

Thank you very much.

581

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858:

you're very welcome.

582

just a couple of things that are

also always useful for other people.

583

Did you have any specific tools that

you used that were very helpful?

584

did you listen to podcasts?

585

Did you join a group?

586

Anything like that, that might someone

587

sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: so I am a skim

reader, so I just used the internet, but

588

I actually started buying, physical books.

589

I started reading, ex alcoholics,

et cetera, that made me feel

590

like I wasn't the only one.

591

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: Yeah.

592

sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: I

used the AA app for my morning.

593

Congratulations.

594

You're another day on,

595

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: Yeah.

596

sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: therapy.

597

and my therapist was a

recovering alcoholic.

598

she'd had a really messy time so she

understood and wasn't judgmental.

599

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: Yeah.

600

sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: and then

getting to a point where you feel

601

confident enough to be able to talk

to people like I am with you and, you

602

know, you're listening now, because

you think that people will judge you.

603

But they're probably judging you because

they might well be going through the same

604

problem themself and they're, they're got

smack that people can be so open about it.

605

So, you know, don't be afraid.

606

you are far, far, far from alone.

607

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: yeah.

608

Well that is a spot on place to end.

609

I mean, this is series three.

610

I've had.

611

God knows how many people on here now

telling their stories and all of them

612

are part of different groups, different

communities know lots of different people.

613

It's amazing how many people

there are who are doing this

614

and said, it's only growing.

615

You know, the number of people, who I

know now who are either trying to stop or

616

have stopped drinking alcohol is insane.

617

I never knew it was an option when I was

younger, I didn't think it was a thing.

618

I just.

619

Assumed everybody drank.

620

sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: Well,

I actually think it's gonna, I

621

think it's like a bungee jump.

622

You know, you kind of go down, but the

rope is already pulling you back up.

623

I actually think COVID

drove a lot of this.

624

you know, a lack of vitamin D your kids

driving your mental, whether you like your

625

partner or not, you're exposed to them.

626

You're normally at work.

627

So divorce is happening.

628

There was the odd COVID baby, like I had,

629

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: Yeah,

630

sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: I think

there's a little bit more to come out.

631

but I think with that then comes people

like you, bringing those people together.

632

And, you know, my only offer is that

if people do want to speak to me on

633

teams, then, if you get any interest,

I'd be more than happy to reach out.

634

I don't have a sponsor by the way.

635

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858: Okay.

636

sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: I have

a therapist, but I'd be more than

637

happy to help your listeners,

if they wanted to speak to me.

638

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858:

Oh, that's amazing.

639

Well, so if anyone wants to do

that, then email me on the sober

640

af email address, which you'll

hear at the end of the podcast.

641

I can put you in contact with

Sid, with his permission.

642

Thank you so much Sid,

for sharing your story.

643

What a story and I'm very glad that

you are here to tell it 'cause you

644

were clearly very poorly at one point.

645

I'm delighted that you are where you are

and I wish you all the best, and that

646

you can continue to be healthy and happy.

647

sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: And thank

you for what you are doing for, your

648

listeners and hopefully new ones as well.

649

So thanks.

650

It's been great.

651

vic-host256_1_07-15-2025_184858:

Yeah, you are welcome.

652

Bye.

653

sid_1_07-15-2025_184859: Bye bye.

654

Thank you for listening.

655

To Sabre alcohol-free stories.

656

If this episode helped you,

Please like share and follow.

657

Or leave a review on pod chaser.

658

Dot com.

659

And if you've got a story to

tell, please contact me on Sabre.

660

A F stories@outlook.com.

661

And don't forget.

662

You can make your catch phrase.

663

I don't drink.