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Children Who Hit
Episode 889th February 2023 • How Not to Screw Up Your Kids • Dr Maryhan
00:00:00 00:35:08

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This episode is all about children who get physical and hit. How we respond to hitting follows the same general rules and principles however there will be some additional factors to consider depending on our child's age. For example a young pre-verbal child hitting is a very different matter to an 18 year old.

Here are the highlights: 

(02:33) Why do children hit? 

(09:42) The importance of establishing around kindness with our hands 

(14:44) Recognising and dealing with inappropriate behaviour 

(21:40) What do they need in the moment? 

(28:09) Communication is key 

(31:01) Dealing with laughter 

💚 Let's grow our village together, please share this episode with at least one friend

💚 You can purchase your ticket for the next 60-minutes with Dr Maryhan 'Let's Build Your Child's Self-Esteem'' at 8am GMT on the 1st June.

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💚 Access the free resources mentioned in the episodes

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Transcripts

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Hello, and welcome to the how not to screw up your

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kids podcast. So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat and

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enjoy the conversation. This is episode 88. And today's episode,

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children who hit is all about children who get physical. Now

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how we respond to hitting follows some general same

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principles and rules, the issue will need some additional

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attention based on how old your child is, and what developmental

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stage they're at, for example, a young, pre verbal child, so a

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child that isn't really articulating isn't able to speak

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fluently to communicate their needs, is going to need a very

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different approach to an 18 year old. And I would imagine,

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actually, as parents, this is probably one of can often feel

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one of the most challenging things to be able to manage. I

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remember my eldest, my son was quite big. I mean, he was six

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foot two now as an adult. But actually, he was quite broad and

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stocky as a young boy and quite tall. And I was always sort of

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slightly very mindful. He wasn't actually quite a physical child

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in that respect. But I remember once going to a coffee shop, and

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he did push a child over and I was mortified. I think part of

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it is that whole judgment of thinking, Oh, my goodness, me,

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what are other parents going to think of me? And I'm the bad

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mother and I got a thug of a child or whatever that might be.

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I think there is that whole, that judgment piece. And

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actually, it's not of all of the things that our children can do.

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Whether that's snatching a toy or picking their nose, being

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physical, I think you can let me know, by all means writing, I

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think is one of those ones that we feel the most nervous and

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judged about. And I wonder, actually, do we feel that even

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more so than if our child has a full blown tantrum? Let me know,

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actually, genuinely,

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I would be let's do a bit of a poll. Let me know if when you

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think about what, as a parent, when you think about that

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judgment piece, what is it in terms of your child's behavior

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that you feel most judged and most worried about? And I have

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to say, when my children were growing up, hitting was the one

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of all of the things that I was tantrums and meltdowns, I felt

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less didn't worry me as much in terms of judgments, but hitting

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absolutely dead. So do write in to us. And let us know, because

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I think that would be a really interesting one. And I will tell

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you the results of the poll, once we've got your responses

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in, please send your responses in. Sorry, Heidi, to contact at

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Dr. Mary hand.com. That goes direct to my PA who will

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probably not thank me for it, but just just send it in. And

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I'm sure she'll forgive me. So back to the topic at hand, so

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children who had it. So I think we need to think about why I

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think it's important that we understand why children hit in

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the first place, because I think this informs us as to where we

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start. Now, I want you to always be mindful. And I'll try and

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sort of guide you through it as we talk about it. That it

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obviously also depends on how old your child so for example,

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one of the most common reasons why children hit is they

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struggle to emotionally regulate. So it's this idea of

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they experienced this massively big emotion. And it's massive

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and big to them. Remember, children are very, in the

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present moment, they're not like us, they don't think about

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what's happening down the line. And, you know, okay, I might not

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be allowed to do what I want right now. But I know in two

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hours, I'm going to be able to know this. So present, it's so

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enormous to them in that moment. Now, obviously, if it is about a

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child who's struggling to emotional, emotionally regulate,

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we might approach it in a slightly different way with an

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18 month old toddler who's just getting really frustrated about

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some a tower that they're trying to build or a sibling that's

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come along and knocked something over than it may be is for a 16

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year old who decides to punch the wall. So it's really being

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able to think, but we have to have that context in the

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background. So one of the reasons why it is that they

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struggle to emotionally regulate so that that tends to be it's

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been become quite often a then a learned response, particularly

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if it ends up being happening with older children. So what

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that's probably one of the main reasons is the struggle to

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emotionally regulate. So manage those big emotions and then

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choose a more appropriate response. So their go to is much

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more of a physical space to kind of release it and for some, that

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physical need, can actually be quite cathartic. It helps them

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release that and then there's an element of calm. For some it

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doesn't. The calm doesn't then come afterwards. So it is that's

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probably one of The big reasons, the other one is about poor

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impulse control. So it could be that they're aware that actually

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lashing out is not the most appropriate thing. They know

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that there are other more appropriate responses, but they

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struggle to manage that impulse in that moment. And so it come

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the reaction is much more to do with the fact that I can't stop

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myself. And you do get this with some children, when you have

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those conversations with them about, you know, that hitting us

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in a great way, isn't necessarily the most appropriate

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in that situation, how might we think of other ways, children

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will often talk about that they feel that it's something that

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just takes over them isn't, it's almost as if they have, they

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feel they have no control over it, it's almost this huge wave

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that comes over them. And then that acts on their behalf rather

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than it actually feeling them, they almost feel detached from

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it. So one of the most common reason is that our children are

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struggling to emotionally regulate, it can be that they've

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got poor impulse control, the other ways that it can be a

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mechanism for them to get their own way. Now, with that one, we

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can pretty much extinguish that one by not conceding to their

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request, after they have hit. But you may have found that

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that's become a bit entrenched. And sometimes children are not

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foolish, they understand certain situations, they learn very

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quickly that there are certain situations where they can behave

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in a particular way, and they're more likely to get their way.

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And we have to remember, children are always going to be

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testing boundaries. That's part of what they're doing, you know,

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when we establish some boundaries and some rules around

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things, though, they are very good at following those

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boundaries, but they will consistently try and push that

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boundary, because that's a natural part of development that

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they're trying to have a feel around for, how far how much

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scope Have I got? Where is the boundary? How much flex is in

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that boundary? Can I do this? Oh, no, okay, I can't do that

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all but I can in this situation, or I can on this particular day

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when they're in this particular mood. So that's why this whole

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idea about consistency, but those are generally the reasons

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why children will get physical in the first place. So we have

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to understand that context, what I would say is that when we've

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got very young children, we're going to look through what we

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can do in a moment. But when we've got very young children,

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it's also worth actually I say, very young children, I think

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with all children, if you're not quite sure why it's happening,

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then I would suggest you just try and keep a diary. Just keep

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keep a note of things that might be affecting the situations. Why

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is that happening? So you can see if there's some commonality,

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so it could be and I know, when you've got young children, I

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remember being really annoyed with this certainly, is that

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everything seems to get blamed on Are they tired, or they're

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tired, and particularly if we end up saying that to our

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children, oh, you're tired, and that's why you're getting

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emotional, you're tired, or you're hungry. But actually for,

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for some children, not all children, but for some children,

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that tiredness can hugely impact impulse control. If you think

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about when you're tired, how good are you at managing your

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impulses in those moments? Are you much more likely to reach

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for something that isn't necessarily healthy, or say

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something that isn't necessarily what you mean or user, you're

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more likely to lose your temper? Or you it's all of those sorts

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of things. So we just need to be mindful of some of the factors

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that might also be contributing towards it. So if we're finding

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it difficult to actually is it that my child can't emotionally

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regulate? Or is it an impulse control, then what you might

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want to do? Or is it as a mechanism to get their own way,

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you might just want to keep a note just on a scrap piece of

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paper of when you're when it happens. And then just to see

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whether there's some particular commonalities. It could be that

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your child when they come home, from nursery I've just

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exhausted, and so you're getting that, but it could equally be

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when they feel that there's too many demands being placed on

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them. It could be in certain situations, it could be with

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certain people. So it's just being able, I think that can be

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quite a useful thing to do. It just gives you a bit of an

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indication as to what what what situations does that come up in?

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So we've understood why our children might get physical in

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the first place. So what do we do? So this is in no particular

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order. There were literally as they came to my mind. The first

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one is we need to be really clear about how we establish

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rules around getting physical and hitting others. And I think

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when we're establishing those rules, I think it's actually

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quite nice to frame them in in a More. I'm trying not to use the

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word positive. But I think trying to frame it in a more

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compassionate, I seem to be anti positive and negative at the

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moment, sorry, not doing it deliberately. But I think I'd

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rather, rather than saying we don't hit in this house, I think

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it's actually really helpful, particularly with younger

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children, to use expressions about being kind with our hands,

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for example, you can, you can phrase it in whichever way that

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you want to do. But it's really about because I think when we

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focus on the positives, and we can, and the terminology that

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that demonstrates compassion and kindness, the easier it is for

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our children, because we can constantly refer back to that

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about using kind hands and being thoughtful with the way that we

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are with other people. And how we are with our hands is

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something that we can say over and over again. Whereas

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actually, if you think about, we don't hit in this house, trying

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to reinforce that and talk about that often just doesn't have the

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same sort of uplifting context, it comes at things very much

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from a, this is not what we should do, which I don't think

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is as helpful. So it's about establishing rules around

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kindness with our hands, and how we use our hands on others.

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Yeah, I think as we get as our children are older, I definitely

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think we can start using language about it's not

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appropriate to lay your hands on anyone else. And I certainly

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have done that when my children were much, much, much older, it

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was about actually, your hands don't touch anyone else without

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their permission, because that encompasses much more. And

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obviously, for older children, it then also encompasses the

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notion of consent. So it moves beyond just simply, you mustn't

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hit your sibling, or you mustn't hit someone out of frustration,

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but it then becomes much more around. And actually, you need

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to check with somebody if it's okay for you to hug them, or to

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grab their hand, it's that is really helping them understand

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that

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there is some aspect of respect that they need to have for

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another person. And we at the basic level, we do that around

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what we do with our hands. And so is really establishing those

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rules. But I think framing it from the perspective of the

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desired behavior, rather than really focusing in on the

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undesirable behavior. So that would be the first one. It's

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about establishing those rules. And I talk so often about this

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idea that our role as parents is to help that have this

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scaffolding for our children's rising building. But before the

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building can even begin to rise, we set these foundations on

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which the building can rise. And that includes respect in the

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treatment of others. So that's part of the foundation. So you

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can talk about that in terms of what your family values are. And

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again, when we're having those Sunday planning meetings, when

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we're getting back together as a family to talk through our week,

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we can talk we can keep integrating these things in

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terms of the desired behavior as part of that language. So the

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first one is establishing rules. The next one is about using

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consequences to inform to reinforce these rules. So and by

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consequences, of course, I think a lot of us automatically assume

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that the consequences are going to be negative. But actually,

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let's reinforce these rules using positive consequences as

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well. Let's reinforce it with I really liked the way that you

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were very gentle with your brother, when you were trying to

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explain something, I really I felt I was so impressed with the

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way that you manage that huge feeling. And I could see that

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you wanted to push your brother and you didn't, I'm really

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impressed that that big feeling that came over you and that need

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to punch something you chose to punch your pillow, rather than

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the news, unkind hands on other people. So it's really thinking

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about, can we also use positive consequences, reinforce good

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choices that our children are making in those moments and

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obviously, adapt the language I've you know, I've just given

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you some examples that are quite linguistically require, you

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know, there's heavy so you wouldn't use that kind of

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language with a with a toddler or a young two year old, but you

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might say that's great kind hands, really gentle, whether

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that's stroking a pet, or being nice as they introduce

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themselves to someone else. So it's thinking about how can we

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reinforce that using consequences, but also when they

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make poor choices and our children will make poor choices,

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it doesn't mean that they're going to be some violent

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physical monster. When they get older. Some children as we've

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talked before, about this ages and stages of their development,

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their emotional development isn't quite there yet. They just

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need that bit more time. They need that bit more scaffolding,

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which we'll talk about. So it's about just recognizing the in

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that moment and treating it very much with each instance and each

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moment rather than getting too caught up in In, oh, my goodness

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me I've got now got to this aggressive thug of a child. In

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that moment your child made a poor choice, it doesn't mean

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that that's going to be an inherent part of their behavior,

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and particularly when we respond to it in that compassionate way.

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So in that in those situations, it's about talking about

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consequences. And with really young children, the consequences

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can be helping them understand that by being physical and

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hitting that person then felt sad, because we didn't use kind

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hands. So how can we make amends, how can we show that we

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are sorry. So that might be saying, Sorry, it might be

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drawing a picture, it may be, if they've knocked over a tower

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that was being built, it might be about putting putting the

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tower back, but it's about helping them see that there is a

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natural consequence of the choice that they made in that

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moment. And really try and make sure that the consequence is as

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closely related to the misdemeanor, as is possible,

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don't be tempted to sort of end up with a consequence that you

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think has more gravitas for your child, which is often around

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technology and devices, which has absolutely nothing to do

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with what happened. So really make sure now somebody if they'd

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been physical, because you've asked them to come off a device,

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and they've, they've hit you because of that, then there is a

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consequence to that and a natural consequences, that

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they're not being responsible and not using kind hands when it

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comes to their device use. So it might be that they lose some of

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their time on it, that might that will be appropriate,

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because it's related to the misdemeanor. But where we use

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technology as a leverage, because we think it's the only

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thing my child cares about, and I have got nothing else I can

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leverage, then that's not as helpful because we're not, we

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need to be thinking all the time, we're working with that

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end goal in mind. And that end goal is to raise a happy,

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confident, resilient adult who's able to fully function in the

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world and part of fully functioning in the world is

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understanding for every behavioral choice they make,

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there is a consequence to that, both empowering and wonderful

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for people, but also ones that are not so positive. And

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therefore they need to understand the world is not

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really full of punishments, unless you break the law. So

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let's really keep it in line with what will happen in terms

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of their adult their adult lives. So it's establishing

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rules, it's using consequences to reinforce those rules, both

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good consequences, as well as the consequences, so that they

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can understand what they should do differently next time. And

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then it's about teaching appropriate behavior. So it's

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not alright to push someone over. Or it isn't okay to punch

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a person and use unkind hands with a person, but we can punch

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a pillow. Is that helpful? Shall we try it? Will we try that next

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time. So really helping them with this teaching appropriate

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behavior, and part of that is going to be a bit of problem

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solving what might help you next time, with young children, it

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may well with very young children who are not necessarily

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able to articulate, then what we might do is offer them up some

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choices, maybe some children genuinely need to release that

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physical side by doing something physical. So it might be

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squeezing us like a squishy, or a stress ball, it might be about

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punching a pillow, but some others, it may well actually be

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something that is comforting. So it may be going to their

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particular comforter, or it might be about distraction. So

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it's helping teach appropriate behavior, and also for us to

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model appropriate behavior. So it's making sure that when we

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become frustrated that we don't and this isn't about saying that

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your parents that are then hitting your children. It's not

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but it's are you then getting physical in some way you

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slamming doors? Are you stomping around? are you demonstrating?

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And we'll talk about this in a moment in terms of emotional

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regulation,

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but are you demonstrating that you are emotionally regulated in

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a way that you are asking your child or not. So it's really

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teaching them some appropriate behavior and what they can do

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instead. So that's number three. So we've got established rules,

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use consequences to reinforce those rules, teach appropriate

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behavior, and also teach responsibility. So it's this

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ownership that whatever choice they make in the moment is a

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choice that they have made, even if it feels like this huge wave

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is coming over them. So it's that and part of the teaching

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responsibility always comes back to that consequences that

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understanding that they have a responsibility for The choice

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that they made and how they can then make amends with that is

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down to them, they are responsible for those choices.

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So it's, it's about using language around that. It's one

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of the activities that I've talked about, quite often in

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terms of helping children manage those big emotions, which is a

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really good one to do here about teaching responsibility is

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around the when I feel activity. So it's basically the activity

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is when I feel there's a blank, I may blank, I need blank. So

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this is simply I do them on little cards, almost like

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they're not business cards, but that sort of size. And is the

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same three words, when I feel there's a blank because then you

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substitute an emotion when I feel angry. I may, how would I

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know that you're angry? Explain to me what what I would be

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looking for to know that you are angry. So it's that what is

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there? How does that show up? So I might shout, I might throw

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something I may say something unkind? I need. So in those

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moments, what do you need and avoid this idea that that's a

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negative emotion? And how can we move from this negative angry

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into feeling happy, but instead simply say you're experiencing?

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The emotion feels big? What do you need to ride that big

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feeling? To work through that big feeling until that big

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feeling? Feels like it's faded away? So that wave has been and

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it has gone? And the I need is where we're teaching our

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children about responsibility? What did they need in that

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moment? Now children will quite often give a response to I need,

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which involves you in some way. So maybe I need a hug, or maybe

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I need to play with you or something. And that's fine,

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except that, but also ask them to problem solve beyond that, by

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thinking about what sometimes I can't play with you, and

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sometimes I'm not with you at nursery, or I'm not with you at

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school, or we're not able to do that game or take that toy, what

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might you be able to do instead, because we want to give them a

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whole raft of tools that they can use in any situation. And

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that's a really, really crucial part. And certainly, if you've

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got a child that's old enough, you can have those sort of

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dotted around. But it's just that's whole self awareness, and

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then teaching that responsibility. And of course,

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if we've got older children, if we've got a 13 year old, that's

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getting physical 1618 year old, that's getting physical,

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teaching them that responsibility of that, that

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emotion is how they feel, but they get to choose how they

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respond in that moment. And if they feel overwhelmed by that

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emotion, what is available to them in that moment with that

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situation, to be able to give them some space. So is it for

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them that they need to remove themselves from that situation?

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Is it that they need to count to 10 in their head, is it that

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they have a certain thing that they go to whether it's a tool,

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whether they suddenly try and anchor themselves in the

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present, and suddenly come up with five things that they can

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see that removes them from the feeling, but anchors them in

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their environment in that moment. So we can we can come up

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with some different ways of approaching that teaching

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responsibility. So we've got establish rules, use

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consequences to reinforce those rules, teach appropriate

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behavior, teach responsibility. The fourth one is about

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scaffolding, emotional regulation. So let's help our

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children become better able to regulate their emotion. And one

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of the things we must make sure that we do in this moment, and

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remember, we don't have to get it right 100% of the time, if we

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can get it right two times out of 10, then that's brilliant, or

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we get it we do it, get it right 1% more each day, then we're

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moving in the right direction. And it's understanding that if

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your child is using physical force to manage a big emotion

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because they have no other way they can't emotionally regulate,

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then we must not meet that big emotion and lack of emotional

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regulation with our lack of emotional regulation. If we meet

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their anger with our anger, and our anger might not be physical,

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but our anger may be in raised voice our anger might be in

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shame it might be in how could you that's not appropriate, how

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dare you whatever that might be, then we are not going to help

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our child come down from that dysregulation. We have to help a

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child who's dysregulated by demonstrating and scaffolding it

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with our own emotional regulation. That's not an

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appropriate way to we don't use unkind hands in this house, and

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then create some space because what you need to remember is

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when that hitting happens There's the full force of the

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emotion, trying to reason and logic and have a conversation

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about, do you understand the consequences of that? Why did

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you do that, you know, that's not appropriate. They can't in

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that moment when they're in the emotional brain access any

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logical rational decision making, thinking that too much

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in that emotional side. So create an opportunity for space.

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And that also helps you begin to get your own emotions regulated

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again, so that when you then go back and talk about it, you're

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able to talk about it in a more. It's not that you're not

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compassionate in the moment, but it's really difficult. And

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particularly if a child has done it, maybe you've got a child

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who's sitting all the time, and you're just fed up. And you

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can't believe that you're having this conversation again, last

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time we spoke about it, you promised you weren't going to do

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it. And I don't understand why you can't understand that that's

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not okay. And whether they're hitting you whatever that might

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be, it's really difficult, with all the best intentions to

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always approach it in that in the best way. So creating a bit

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of space for you, as well as for your child is really helpful.

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Now, what I will say is, if you have got a child, who is still

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lashing out who is repeatedly hitting, then you need to

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understand that they're still in that heightened state. And what

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what you need to do is find some way to help them find calm, and

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you might have to play around with this one, it may well be

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that you slightly force a cuddle, and that might work for

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your child, it might not that force cuddle might make your

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child lash out even more than in which case it might be about

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providing them with something that they can lash out with, I'm

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definitely not have the view that if you've got a child who's

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getting very angry, removing them from the situation in terms

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of banishing them, like you just go to your room and deal with

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this, I think there's a difference in that if you have a

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situation where it is on safe, as in, they're in a room or

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around things where they can't be able, they're just not going

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to be able to express that full emotion safely on their own,

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then you communicate calmly and quietly that this is this is

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really a bit but I need to make sure that you're safe, so that

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you can work through this feeling. And let's go together,

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let's find somewhere better that we can do that, and then take

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them to another space. Because that's really what you want to

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fundamentally do, you do not want to leave a child, because

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if you're thinking about it, they're expressing their emotion

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through the hit through that whole idea of being physical.

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And if they're finding it really difficult to manage that big

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emotion, if you then send them somewhere or remove them on

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their own completely, then that just only intensifies their

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inability to manage that situation and that feeling. And

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that just creates more of a disconnect. We want our children

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to feel that we're there, we're connected with them, we just

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don't like the choice that they've made in that moment. So

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it's about making sure that they're in a safe space,

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whatever that might be. And when you try to do try and hug them.

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And when you're doing the debrief and the conversation

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afterwards, it's saying I know I hugged you. And we talk about

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kind hands and I didn't check with you beforehand, but I was

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worried about you next time this happens. Was that helpful?

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Should I do that again next time? Or is there something

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better that I might be able to do to help? So sometimes we have

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to act in what we think instinctively may well be right.

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In that moment, it may not be, but we can then have a

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conversation afterwards. That next one is about work on

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improving communication skills around language. So the idea is

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helping them using that when I feel I may I need in terms of

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helping with their emotional literacy, but also helping them

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communicate more effectively, how they're feeling, and what

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they might need in that moment. And that all comes from that

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debrief that you do afterwards when things are calm. And it's

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not a judgment thing. It just say I think we need to talk

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about what happened earlier on. I really, you know, I could see

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that you were angry, but I just did not know what set it off.

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And I didn't even know how to help you. Can we talk it through

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how next time? How might you be able to tell me that that's how

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you were feeling so that we can work through that more quickly

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rather than leaving it to bottle up. So it's helping them work on

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those communication skills, because then that should mean

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that they'll diminish, there'll be get you should see less and

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less of them. And the final one is that we have to address any

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underlying issues which trigger the hitting. So that's where we

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go back to that sort of that little diary entries or that

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notebook that we're keeping to identify is it to do with

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tiredness? Is it to do with certain people certain

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situations? Is it to do with particular emotions is it to do

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with certain people? What is it that Typically, that makes them

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feel overwhelmed is it around certain emotions that trigger

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that. And it whilst we're talking about children are

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getting physical, the assumption is that they're getting physical

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because they're angry. Some children get physical because

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they're anxious because they're nervous because they feel backed

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into a corner over something and so they lash out. So don't be

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fooled or tempted into thinking that this that the underlying

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issue is always going to be around the emotion that is anger

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or frustration, it could be something else. So it's really

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trying to look for those underlying issues. So it's about

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establishing rules, using consequences, teaching

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appropriate behavior, teaching responsibility, scaffolding,

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emotional regulation, work on improving communication skills,

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and addressing any other underlying issues, which might

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be triggering it. Now, I would like to answer no one's asked me

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these questions, but I think these might be some common ones.

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So I just want to quickly address that these. Question

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number one is, what do I do when a child laughs? As they either

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hit it? What happens if we get a child that hit that laughs? I

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don't believe that children are laughing because they genuinely

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think it's funny. You know, how sometimes some people make

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inappropriate or what feels like inappropriate laugh, or just

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highly inappropriate situations, maybe they laugh at a funeral. I

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think sometimes children laugh because there's a sense of

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slight discomfort in a particular situation. So it's

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not that they're laughing, because they think it's funny,

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but it's just a response that they've had. It may be

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particularly with much, much younger children's, they might

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actually genuinely think it's a bit of a game. So be if it's

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very young chart, if it's a very young child, and they're

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laughing, ask yourself, is there anything that I'm doing that

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might be reinforcing it in terms of the way that I'm saying no,

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that that's not okay. That then might be sending my child down

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that thinking that that's an acceptable piece of behavior.

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And if it isn't, then what I would also say is try not to get

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triggered by it. I know, it's easier said than done, because

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it really triggers us massively. It's this whole idea of, you're

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doing something so highly unkind and inappropriate, and you have

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the audacity to laugh about it. It's not like you're you've got

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a child who's got some devious mind, it is probably more likely

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that they've either assumed that it's something that's funny, by

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accident, and that's much more likely to happen with a younger

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child. With older ones, it might just be a really one of those

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just inappropriate reactions to something and doesn't

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necessarily need you compounding and layering it with a response

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deal with the physical hitting, rather than the laughter. What

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about biting? Now, biting can be similar biting can be quite

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often associated with younger children, where it might be a

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mouthing thing, they're exploring things. Or it might be

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part of that, that emotional, finding difficult emotions,

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children who bite usually, if they're much younger, usually,

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it's something that they will work through as their emotional

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knowledge improves, if you're getting a child who is biting

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rather than hitting, then respond to it and use exactly

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the same strategies that I've talked about here. And finally,

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rough play among siblings. Rough play does happen. And I think

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you have to make a decision based on your family and what

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happened. And children, some children can just naturally be

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more physical than other children. So it's about agreeing

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what those ground rules are for your family. So it may well be

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you have two siblings who do a lot of rough play. But they have

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to agree when that rough play starts, they have to agree a

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signal for a really clear signal when one of them has had enough

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of that rough play. So I hope that that's useful. But do come

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back to me with my poll that I asked you about earlier, right

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at the beginning of the podcast in terms of when you think about

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judgment as a parent, what is that one behavior above all else

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that makes you worry that you're going to be judged as a parent,

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my gift this week is going to be an outline of the what to do in

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those moments to help you in the form of a checklist with a

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little bit of space so that you can reflect underneath. And so

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it can serve as that reminder, but also help you think about

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which one of those areas are you going to focus in on

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particularly first. So as usual, go over to my free resource

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library, Dr. Mary hande.com forward slash library, where

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you'll find the link to download the resource. All you need to do

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is pop in your email address and you'll get instant access not

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only to this week's resource, but all the other resources

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across all my other podcast episodes, as ever. If you have

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enjoyed this episode, I would love it if you could follow and

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review this podcast so that others can find us and we can

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spread the love. So until next time,

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