Episode Summary

In this episode, Ian and Dee discussed the difficulty of burying a grief, as well as Dee's recent epiphany that she should choose life over death.

• Learn that you can have a life filled with marvels and tremendous possibilities if you are willing to chart your own course through life, learn from your mistakes, and persevere.
• Discover that it won't help you cope with your loss any more if you use an addiction form of escape to avoid dealing with your emotions or the world as it is.
• Understand that feeling sad after a loss is normal, and that you need to feel that way in order to appreciate what you're missing.

Heal your unresolved and unknown grief: https://www.ianhawkinscoaching.com/thegriefcode

About the Guest:

DeeAnne Riendeau is a thought leader in spiritual and business development whose mission is to elevate how we think and live. Experiencing a life of chronic illness, and 2 near death experiences, DeeAnne rebounded with 20 years of health education and a diverse health career. She is currently enrolled to complete her ministerial designation as a Reverend and her Doctorate in Metaphysics and Spirituality through the University of Sedona. 

DeeAnne is known as the modern-day Willy Wonka for giving away her company, Your Holistic Earth, which is the first holistic health care system of its kind. She is currently the owner of Rose Hope Inc., in which she helps those who are seeking more joy, love, freedom, and a deeper meaning in life using your soul’s library, also known as the Akashic Records. 

She has spoken at Harvard University, appeared on ABC, NBC, Global Television, and CTV, and has been recognized as a visionary and business leader, having been nominated for numerous awards, including Alberta Business of Distinction. DeeAnne also hosts the podcast, When Spirit Calls and will be releasing her fantasy fiction novel, The Arc, in 2023. 

Along with being an entrepreneur, DeeAnne is a mom of two bright kids, a publisher, a popular speaker, and an international bestselling author who uses her heart and her head to guide others to create their best lives.

Links:

https://calendly.com/discoverywithdeeanne/igniteintuition

Rosehope.ca

About the Host:

Ian Hawkins is the Founder and Host of The Grief Code. Dealing with grief firsthand with the passing of his father back in 2005 planted the seed in Ian to discover what personal freedom and legacy truly are. This experience was the start of his journey to healing the unresolved and unknown grief that was negatively impacting every area of his life. Leaning into his own intuition led him to leave corporate and follow his purpose of creating connections for himself and others. 

The Grief Code is a divinely guided process that enables every living person to uncover their unresolved and unknown grief and dramatically change their lives and the lives of those they love. Thousands of people have now moved from loss to light following this exact process. 

Check Me Out On:

Join The Grief Code Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1184680498220541/

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LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ianhawkinscoaching/ 

Start your healing journey with my FREE Start Program https://www.ianhawkinscoaching.com/thestartprogram 

I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Coach podcast, thank you so much for listening. 

Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. 

If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief, let's chat. Email me at info@ianhawkinscoaching.com. 

You can also stay connected with me by joining The Grief Code community at www.ianhawkinscoaching.com/thegriefcode and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal, please subscribe and leave a review on your favourite podcast platform.

Ian Hawkins 0:02

Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the Ian Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this word, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.

Dee Rose Hope experienced a great deal of death in her life at a young age. In fact, she talks about in this chat within a span of about two, three years losing 10 people close to her in a short period of time, when she also shares how much he buried that grief, and how it rose to the surface through things like envisioning important people in her life dying. So you can imagine from a younger age, how challenging that must have been for her. So we talk a lot about how she had a lot of this grief that she had suppressed come to the surface, how she dealt with it, particularly as a mom as a wife, and just navigating her own way through life, what she learned and how she's been able to get herself out the other side, and live a life, not of death, but of miracles and incredible possibilities. Enjoy. Hi, everyone, and welcome to this week's guest the rose hope D how are you?

Unknown Speaker 2:10

Hi. So good. How are you in very well, thank

Ian Hawkins 2:13

you. We met a few years ago, you've you've been someone who's given me some incredible wisdom and guidance over the years. And I appreciate that I know this is this one is going to be a great chat. And that's probably going to be based on what the conversation before we hit record, it's going to be an emotional one. So looking forward to this to share your story. So we talk about grief. And most people can relate to it to big moments in their life. And most of the conversations are have its people later in life, but you said you were in your sort of mid teens. And you had a period of a couple of years where like you express loss like that had a quite a profound effect on you. So please do share that part of the story. D

Unknown Speaker 3:05

Ian Hawkins 8:24

So when you think back to the that of those moments in that one particular with the the friend who had the crush on you did that guilt that then had presented there, then snowball each time, you were presented with more loss?

Unknown Speaker 8:43

Well, almost every time actually. So even though he had come to me in that dream as a spirit, and I had at least that it was like it was a trigger that could get, you know, sparked every time. And so, you know, my my cousin ended up taking his life, I felt guilt and shame for that. Like, why didn't I recognize my cousin was struggling so much, you know, you know, another friend of mine died by drunk driver and I thought, Oh, how could I have not been there? You know, like, so every single one. I had to move through not just the grief of losing that person. But it was almost like guilt and shame for still being here. For sure, yeah.

Ian Hawkins 9:27

So how did that play out? Because you kind of move forward in the in the timeline quite quickly there. But there must have been times where you were in quite a dark place yourself like how did you process that make sense of it? How did you deal with the guilt?

Unknown Speaker 9:47

Well, I want to add to that layer of guilt just so people know too. I also had two near death experiences. So I had my first one I was five and my dad saved my life I choked on a round candy He went completely unresponsive, had an out of body experience. And he was able to get that candy out using his thumb and pushing against the wall of my throat to pop it out. Get it getting me breathing again and what have you. My second near death was in my 20s. And so that second near death and coming back, that was a complication from surgery. And it was a beautiful experience, because I got to be with angels. And we'll table that maybe we can get to that story later. But nonetheless, those near deaths also added to the shame and guilt, right? Because why does that person get to live but or get have to die, but I get to live? Why is that? So it showed up for me in this escapism, in a way, like if I could just escape this human world for a little bit, then I wouldn't feel those feelings. And that was when I really started to come to terms with addiction. So I am a highly addicted person. I've been a workaholic. I'm addicted to sugar. I was addicted to alcohol. I also was addicted to marijuana. So I had all these tools in my toolbox that weren't really healthy tools. But they were normal tools because everyone else was doing it too. So the circles that I hung around with were doing the same darn thing. They were using this escapism to free themselves of the burdens of the feelings that they felt or the reality that they were in. And so that was my coping mechanism for over a decade. And, and I was very sick as a result. So yeah, physically I was it knocked me out.

I thank you for sharing that. Because I know that's a journey that many have been on maybe still on using that escapism that avoidance tactic from from facing what's been sitting there. How did you come to the point? Was it was there a moment there through the addiction that that forced you to get clean? Or was it something else that triggered a change?

Well, the first thing to know is that I could justify my behavior because I wasn't like a drinker every day like I could, I could go from Monday until the weekend, but then the weekend it would be binging right. And so I didn't really even define myself as an addict. At that point. I was really in resistance to that. But what really changed the game was after the birth of my son. So I have two kids, they're now 12 And nine. And after my daughter, she was my first you know, I fell back into the trap because it was just easy. And it was another coping, you know, continuing to cope in whatever way. And then with my son, I experienced a great deal of postpartum. And there there's one pivotal moment and I'm I actually carry a lot of shame about this moment. I've only ever spoken about publicly once. But there was a night out where we had gotten sitters for the kids. And we were in a town a little ways away. And my husband at the time was a big party animal too, which also normalize the behavior. And we got a call from the babysitter to say the kids are both puking, and they're sick and whatever. And at that time, we had planned to spend the night where we were but I wanted to just go home. My ex husband, he didn't want to go home, he wanted to stay in party. So I went home in a cab by myself, intoxicated around midnight, one o'clock, I got home, relieve the babysitter, putting my head on the pillow. And not a few minutes later, I hear crying and it's my son. And he's probably about at this point, he's probably about six, eight months. And so he's upset he's puked everywhere. And I'm still a little out of it because I've been partying all day. And and so I start running the bath and get that already for him and I cleaning all this stuff up and I've got him in my arms and I go to put them in the bath. The water was scalding. Oh. And so he started screaming. And you know it the shame that I carried for that. I've even talked to him about it with him. As a young kid. I said do you remember this happening? Mommy did something and I accidentally burned you and you know, obviously I took him out right away and everything was okay and it wasn't a serious burn. But it rocked me to my core and I thought this is not how I'm supposed to show up in In this world, and this is not how I want to be for my kids. And it was shortly after that, that I started doing this deeper spiritual work. And even though I had had a near death experience just a few years before, you know, a lot of people say, Oh, you're near death, it probably was a catalyst. And you probably went the right path right away. No, no, no, it took me many years to figure that out. But that was one of those key moments where it's like, I don't want to be this anymore. And not only that, but my health has been compromised. I was I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. At that same time, my body was aging, I felt like a nine year old woman. And I was severely depressed, I was miserable. I had the million dollar family, I had a high paying career. Everything from the outside, looked roses looked perfect. But I literally was feeling my soul die. And so that was a big catalyst for me and starting to change what I was doing, and eventually I left that partner, so we got divorced. And, and I was able to change my life completely. And so it took some of those key pieces to really swing me around. And, and so, you know, as I moved through that process, again, guilt and shame is coming up over that too. And I had to grieve the loss of that marriage, you know, and grieve the loss of what I thought it was going to be and what my life was going to be. But the beautiful part of all this is that it was through those experiences, that I realized that I had this innate God power within me, this higher self within me, this divine perfect infinite energy was within me. And so once I started to clue into that, I could then leverage that, and I could channel that, and I could allow that to be my compass and my guide so that I could make better decisions.

So good.

That's ultimately what it ended up coming to. Yeah,

yeah. Thank you for sharing that. I had a similar moment with alcohol and a child, which I don't think I've ever told publicly. So you've inspired me, because so I will put that out on the podcast at a later date. But it's amazing that if we don't listen to messages around our addiction, then the messages get bigger. So be something for the listeners to ponder there as well. So

something into that, though, because they think it's really important for listeners to understand that we are brought into a world to be addicts, whether it's TV, cell phones, food, drugs, and alcohol, it is being fed to us in droves. We're constantly being bombarded, you know, constantly, you know, I look at my kids playing games, and I'm already like, Hey, guys, we need a break from that. And you could tell they're already hooked in. So I just I'm not saying don't take responsibility for addiction. God, what I am saying is that there's an element of No wonder, no wonder, we have struggle with addiction. No wonder because all that we've been fed from the beginning, is to put the bandaid on to put the bandaid on, oh, here's a medicine for this. And here's a drug for this. And here's the solution for this. And so it's almost like, in a way we don't stand a chance. In less. We understand the god power that we have within us.

Very good. Thank you for sharing that. It's yeah, the moment we're watching any sort of screen, it's like they're not. They're like narcotics in themselves the advertisement. So the I need more, I need more. I want that. I want that. Like it's yeah, you're right. So yes, it's something that I talk about a fair bit is like, it's not your fault. But it is, as you pointed out, it's your responsibility. So you went from having a drive that wasn't beneficial, where you threw yourself into your work in the emergency services, but then being able to shift into a drive that what I would describe as the gift in the grief, right? When when you have that moment of realization of Oh, actually, okay, I didn't want to go through all that. But but here's the blessing. And what can I do with that? So how were you able to shift that from from one type of drive that you knew wasn't helpful to another one, which was like you said, it's a connection to this godlike part of us.

Yeah, I love that question. Because I think it really comes back to our ability to alchemize and we give fear, a good grief and we give anger we give all of those low vibration energies a bad rap, but the reality is, is that they are all gateways for us for more or for understanding to leverage. And so what I came to understand and of course, I took some training as I was being called by spirit. But what I came to understand is that I had the ability to take that grief, and turn that grief into something valuable for myself alchemize that energy to, to, to transform it. And so I could have stayed in that space where, you know, I kept bottling the grief. But the reality was, is that if I did that, I was going to be sick. So I had another catalyst and that I had a cancer scare, that was an another piece for me, that made me start to realize, oh, my gosh, I'm carrying a whole bunch of shit. And there was a lot of stuff that that I haven't dealt with. And so I did have to go through a bit of a process of deeper suffering as some of the stuff came to the surface. But as it came to the surface, I was able to allow myself to be an observer rather than the the participant in it. So that was one of the keys. For me, the first thing was to become the observer and say, Ah, I see myself suffering, or I see myself hurting in that, or I see myself in pain around that. And to just watch myself in a way that just accepted ever so lovingly, whatever that was. And so the next piece for me was then to look to not just see it as, okay, there's grief there. But to actually see that grief as something so childlike and so innocent. And so I started to use this technique, it was guided, it was channeled to me, where you where I cut my hands, and I pretend like I'm holding a sweet little bird, you know, or a kitty cat or something that's really sweet, right? And then I started to have a conversation with that energy. So became the, the observer first observed, then I brought that energy into my radar where I could lovingly hold it, where I could give it the space and the love that it actually needed. And so I started to have conversations, I started to say, hey, grief, oh, you're showing up again? Oh, you mean, I didn't deal with you, whatever that conversation is, right? Yeah. And I would say, I see you. And I know you're here for me to grow and to learn. Thank you. As soon as I started to have that conversation, guess what would happen in that energy of grief already was alkalizing. It was turning into love or turning into some other energy. That wasn't low vibration. So it's kind of like a kid, you know, a kid will be like mom, dad, mom, dad until they're like pulling out you. Grief, anger, resentment, all of those energies, same thing. They just want our love and attention. That's what they want. That's what that energy needs. And so that's ultimately what I came to is like, okay, I can watch myself in the discomfort and I can be okay with that I can observe without, you know, judging the experience. But then I can go in and I can alchemize that energy by lovingly holding space for that energy. And so then that grief, it just started to naturally go away. I didn't have to work at it. I didn't have to, like, focus on grief for weeks at a time. It just was like, Oh, you see me? Okay, good. I'm off. Good to go. Thanks so much. I got what I needed by and it naturally went away. And I healed myself. By the way, I no longer have fibromyalgia. Okay, my doctor cleared me of fibro. Okay. You know, is that fantastic? You know, like,

absolutely. And can I just can I just highlight a couple of things there. Because when you when you talked about alchemize, like, I get the I get the liver pain. And then when he talks about understanding, I got nausea. And then you said, and then you said talked about getting sick, right? And it's like, what you just described there is learning how to be independent in your healing. And so for people listening, just go back and listen to that last but be the observer acceptance of what's there, hold the energy, give it love. Have conversations with the pain and then and then give appreciation for what it's teaching you. Because the grief, energy needs love and attention or tingles because then we don't have to but then go from because this was my experience. I don't know if you can relate to this. You go from okay, I've got all this pain and then you get someone heals you. And you're like, Oh, that was cool. I want to do that again. And again and again. And it comes to the point where I'm like, I've shifted out of this This space that was paying into this blissful space, but it just keeps you in a different kind of stuck. It does. What you described there is a very real tool to help you to be able to self alchemize and heal the grief. Wow, thank you.

Oh, you're so welcome. I mean, it changed my life just going through that in itself, right? It that process changed my life. And, and I can't, I can't take credit for it, it came from my divine team, it came from source, right. And that's one of the things again, to remind us, we do have the innate ability to heal, we were created to heal, you know, you remember, you know, Superman cuts his hand, and then it heals immediately right in the movies, be able to do that, too, as humans, we've just slowed the process down, because we muddled it up with all this, you know, garbage energy and conditioning, and, you know, programming and limited beliefs and all that stuff. So when we start to kind of clear that energy away, by loving on that energy and receiving the value of it, then all of a sudden, we've opened up the channels for us to be able to Finally Heal. And that is where miracles happen. And we are capable, we have been giving our power away for many, many, many years, to the doctor to the whomever you know, saying, Oh, I'm not capable of that, I don't know how to do that you do know how to do it.

So good. I'm not capable. You touched on something that's really powerful for anyone who is in a service industry role. There are times where you develop your craft, and you get training and you become better than competent. And you can get caught and ego and yo are pretty, pretty fucking amazing at this. And you can get stuck in that space. But what you just described there, it's the ability to get to that expert level is actually your ability to connect to the intuition to your higher self. And then it takes all the ego out. It's like, no, no, you're just the conduit to help other people find that within themselves. And then you can stop putting the pressure on yourself needing to be so good. And instead, do what you describe there. Which is it's divinely guided. Call it God or intuition, your higher self, however you want to look at it. We all have that power. And as you said, that's where the miracles happen. Oh, that's fantastic. Okay, so you said, you went through all of that. And you said to me, and then you lost the love of your life. So So is this is this post posts? Marriage breakout?

Yeah, so actually, I met this person, when I was still with that husband. And, and he was a comedian, he would travel all over the world. And he, you know, again, these soulmate connections, I mean, you can't deny them, right? You just feel that energetically. And it's so powerful. And I remember feeling him before I even saw him I could I remember that he was actually at a comedy show. And needless to say, I was looking for a comedian to do one of my events. So how convenient that we ended up starting, you know, as a professional relationship. And we kept it professional, because, you know, obviously, I was going through a complicated experience in that time, and I wasn't ready for anything serious. But he ended up being such a beautiful sounding board. And he ended up holding space for me as I moved through my divorce. And we became very close friends. And, you know, for several years, we were friends on the regular, we would talk almost every day, we would you know, coordinate visits when he was traveling in my general area, and vice versa. And, you know, really interesting story happened actually, several months prior to his death, I started getting visions. So this goes back into my intuitive gifts and abilities. And so to help the listeners to I am an intuitive medium, so that's what I do professionally as well now, and and so I started having these visions of his death and I thought, Dan, you're getting your you're creating your visions, again, you're putting your movie rules out there, like you're doing this to yourself, right? So I went into that space right away and I and I thought, okay, delete, delete, delete. No, no, no, like whatever I needed to do. I tried to clear the energy, you know. And then a few weeks later, I get another vision. And this time, it feels so compelling that I need to say something. So I sent him an email because I didn't know it was pretty long winded and I didn't know how to articulate it. And I said, I know you think my intuitive stuff is a little bit out there, but I'm inviting you to make a different choice. So at that time, he was making a choice to do something. And I won't get into the politics of what he was choosing to do. But he anyway, he was making a choice. And I said, Can you just wait, like, I just have a feeling. And I'm asking you to just maybe put on hold. But because he was a Canadian, he felt like he needed to go through with this particular treatment procedure, whatever you want to call it. Anyways, I have the vision a couple more times as well. And every time I'd be like, okay, delete, clear, clear, clear. But we had a trip plan together. And so I, I decided we're going to go and we're going to have this awesome trip. And we have this beautiful trip together. It was wonderful and amazing. And it was everything that I could have imagined it to be. And, and it really solidified our bond together as well. And I traveled home from that trip. And a week later, I get a call from his friend. And his friend, she says, D he, he died in asleep, having a nap in the afternoon at 47. So he had a sudden death. And I knew in my gut, right, like, as soon as I heard her voice on the phone, I could feel my heart already sinking. I knew I knew that that that my premonition had come to fruition. And at the beginning, I was like, Oh my gosh, Dan, you should have done more, you should have known better, you know, you could have gotten him help when you were here, you know, on the trip or whatever. Like all of these things, again, like you said, does that guilt and shame ever come up again? Oh, yeah, every time it's trigger. One more can I've done especially being a psychic, intuitive. Sometimes we get these visions, and we feel like we need to save the world. And the truth of the matter is that we are not meant to necessarily interfere with the natural flow of life. Can we step in and say something if we feel compelled, yes, we can. But he ultimately had the choice. He had the power of free will, as we all do. And so understanding the power of free will, was one of the pieces that was really important for me, and then letting go of that guilt and shame. And I will say I use the same technique on the guilt and shame by loving it and holding it and you know, leveraging it. But this was a piece for me of understanding that everyone has the choice and how they step forward and how they move forward in life. And so I moved through the guilt and shame much more quickly than I think I would have in the past. I'm still grieving, though, I haven't completely alchemize that grief, I don't know if I ever will in I imagined a life with this person. And I loved him deeply. And thankfully, I was surrounded by lots of other amazing people that loved me deeply in my life to that were able to help me move through it. But it was a very shattering loss for me, because I had finally let myself let that wall come all the way down, I finally taken the wall down and let myself fully pour my heart into somebody else. And that's what it was met with. So some might even say, Oh, well, did you close back down again? Or, you know, did you want to like, are you You know what happened there. And the truth is, I believe in infinite love. And so I I know that there are many soulmates out there for each and every one of us. And I know that I don't require anything outside of myself, in order to live a fulfilled life, who I want relationships with other people Sure I do. But I also don't require any of those extrinsic relationships in order for my life to be fulfilled, I fulfill my wife, I have relationships within myself, I have a relationship with my ego mind, I have a relationship with my spiritual gifts, I have a relationship with my god mind, my higher self, I create these relationships within myself and I strengthen those, that's where my focus has been. And when I do that, then naturally my relationships become stronger, and my walls come down and I can come into that, that place where it's it's the connection that I thrive on and, and that inspires me and invigorates me and all of that. So, again, not saying it's not important to have relationships with all aspects of our beingness. Right, but all extrinsic aspects to I have a relationship with my computer, have a relationship with the water, you know, so it really fundamentally when we think about it, it's actually all about relations. Ship. It's a relationship to my grief. It's a relationship to my suffering. And so it's honoring those relationships that allows for us to move through things more quickly. being enlightened by the way, I want to share this, this is coming up intuitively. So I feel like we better share this. I had a friend over the other day, and I was telling her about some drama I was dealing with, she goes, but you're enlightened? How can you have drama, and I laughed, and I said, well, first of all, the more enlightened I am, the less enlightened I realized I really am. Secondly, the most enlightened people still have drama in their lives, because they need those experiences to activate something else to move them to the next level, etc, etc. But here's one of the things that I do know about this is that how we respond to those experiences is way more important than the experience itself. So what I mean by this is how I choose to respond to grief, how I choose to respond to loss, how I choose to respond to the shitshow of the world, it's more important that response than the actual experience itself. Because when we choose to respond in a way that allows us to leverage to receive, to move us to higher realms of enlightenment, or what have you, then what happens is we evolve, and we expedite the evolution of ourselves. So there are people that will evolve, but their process might be slower, because evolution is a natural process, right? So it will happen naturally, that we will get rid of the weaknesses that we have, that's natural. But if you really want to expedite it, then look at how you're responding to the rest of the world. And see if you can adjust that. Because if you adjust that, then all of a sudden, you move yourself into a place where it doesn't matter what's happening around you. It doesn't matter, you're not swept into the undercurrent of it. In fact, what happens is you rise above it, and you receive all the value from it. You're you're winning, you're winning. Always. Right?

Yeah. So anyway, so much there, the biggest thing I pulled out of that was you talked about how you respond and and be able to detach from anything outside of yourself, which will then invite in deep connections, it really struck me was the link of guilt and shame to control. Oh, is when we're trying to control the external world, feeling like we have control of the external world. That's where the guilt and shame comes up. Because then we then could should we have done more? Could we have done more? What should I have done differently? That's trying to control the external, some things will just happen. But coming back to what you said, how you respond to responsibility is how you respond. That's the key part, just just for some context. And if you do this quickly, because I want to come back to something else. That's a big step from going from, well, I've got all this interaction with the external world, but being able to have that place of making peace of like, well, I'm actually never alone anyway. Because I have this internal part of me, where I have all these different relationships. Now, that was a real pivotal moment for me a few years ago. But I'd love to hear for you to explain to the listeners, how, how will they make that transition? Or what can they start to do to allow space for that transition to come to realize that they never truly alone? Yes, you want to have good connections in your external world, but to be able to make peace allows more of that connection?

Yeah, you know, it's not necessarily like a snap of the fingers or wave of the wand, abracadabra, you know, it is a process and so some people, they can get there faster than others. But if someone is really caught up in that extrinsic world, the first thing I actually suggest they do is they befriend their ego because it's the ego logical mind that really is the driving force in the attachment to oh, I need to buy that car I need to have this or I need to show up in this way. Right? It's that's that's the logical aspect of the mind. The ego mind is needed. If we think about to the caveman days the cave, you come out of the cave and you say, Okay, there's the hazards and whatever the ego mind was needed to keep us alive. But the ego mind has now run rampant within us. So the ego mind intercepts all the time it says we you don't have this and you're not good enough for this and you're not this and whatever the story is that ego mind is telling you because it wants to keep you safe. That's its ultimate play. However, in wanting to keep us safe, it actually keeps us stuck. Right? It keeps us from moving forward from breaking through these beautiful boundaries that show us freedom and liberty on the other side. So the friend, the ego, high ego mind, thanks for showing up. But I've got this. That's my phrase, I say that to my ego mind throughout the day, thanks ego mind, but I've got this you know, and so that's one of the first things because some people find it easier than building the relationship to the higher self for some reason. So I start with the ego mind, it feels a little more tangible for most people, I also suggest giving your ego mind a name. Okay, mine is Jane, her name's Jane, I love the name Jane. I know a friend she calls hers, the itty bitty shitty committee, you know, whatever you want. You go whatever you want. But sometimes that helps you to connect and build that relationship. So that's a tip, the next piece of that,

and I'm occasionally told Jane to shut the fuck up.

I'm gonna do that too. I'm like, girl. Oh, right. So again, it's a befriending of meant to be but we treat your friends whoever you choose. So that that, to me was one of the big changes for me, and really getting that out of the way. Now, the other piece, of course, is building relationship to God or the god mind that you have within you. That's also known as the higher self Universal Consciousness, there's all sorts of names that we can call it. And here's the beautiful part, when we allow ourselves to receive from our God mind, oh, my gosh, the magic begins. Because there is a channel of possibility. And your god mind is always working for you. But most of the time you're working against it, you're blocking the flow of energy. And so it can't help you to manifest what you want. So the first step is to really start to find that truth within you that you have this higher consciousness within you. That is, that is a key, you have to believe it to be true for it to really work fully, you have to know it to be true. And so it requires a little bit of faith at the beginning. But I promise you, if you challenge that God mind, it will show you it will give you the answers, it will prove to you of its existence, it will. And I've tested it many times Trust me I know. So if you want validation, that's, you know, do that. But then, of course, it's learning to recognize that this god aspect, it really does have things under control. It's not you that is supposed to have things under control. We don't know what we need, most of the time, we can't see the bigger picture. We are so good at judging scenarios with the blinders on saying, Oh, it's this way, and this is the right thing to do. It's like we don't frickin know, man. There's this big, big, big bird's eye view, the omnisend view of God of Christ consciousness of universal energy, whatever. That was exactly what we need. Exactly what the people we love need. Exactly what we all need globally and beyond. And so it's

leaning into that trust because when you lean into that trust, all of us

that life gets a lot easier. Let me tell you when it's being led that way, then we don't feel this like powerless feeling or the helplessness you know, you talked about that feeling of like guilt and shame and like, well, that's partly because we want to control right? Let it go, man. When you have personal power and you understand your ability to harness the power of God. You don't need to have power over anything else. That need goes away completely.

Love it. Now on that. I love how you've controlled the conversation away from the heartbreak around your loss.

So easily denied. Oh, yeah, we were talking about someone dying. Right.

Okay, can we go back there? Because, yeah, of course, that you've lost these people early on who are important people in your life, but that you've done a heap of work on it, and then it shows up again for what you described the love of your life.

Yeah. The worst. Like the worst scenario of what I didn't want to happen, guess what I manifested? Yeah.

So what was that? What was that time like? Like, how it must have, there must have been a lot of things coming crashing down in your mind and your emotions around all of that.

Big time. I feel like I started grieving the loss before he actually went though. So that was one thing that I mean, thankfully, I had those premonitions because it was almost like, in a way, it was like, I maybe was not prepared, but I had already kind of accepted some level of that on some way. But when it actually happened, I actually said the words, are you fucking kidding me? He actually died. Like I said that to my higher self. Yeah, I'm like, Are you fucking kidding me? Like, what? You know. And you know, and it's interesting, because there was a slew of other deaths around him, it seemed they seemed to come in clumps. So I lost three uncles and an aunt and him in a year, or two years, I should say, two years. So it was it was again, it was like this uprising of all this old energy that I thought I dealt with, but didn't really deal with right, that came back again. So other layers. And so yes, I would have dealt with some of that. So I am not being hard on myself. But recognizing that as I'm peeling these layers back, that I'm also coming to this place of acceptance, that it's not even about this physical world that it is so much more than this physical world. And it is my attachment to the beliefs of life and death, that are actually holding me hostage. And so I have still, I'm still working on it. But I'm in the process of understanding what death really means. Because death was always made to be like the worst case scenario, right? Death was what you don't want to have happen. Yeah, but what if death is something you do want to happen? What if death is something that is part of this grander evolution of who we are, and yet, we've got, again, the narrow lens to say, oh, death is so bad, like death is the worst. And we have to suffer right through that. So I'm still processing a lot of it. To be honest, I'm still processing the energy, I'm still accepting that on some level, I, I manifested this loss again for myself to move through the next layer of it. But I also know that everything is in its divine place. And I know that that might sound a little cliche, because they're all okay, everything happens for a reason, you know, don't say that to someone grieving, right. But when I think about it, when I really think about it, I recognize that death is not darkness, death is not for us to, for us to resist or for us to make, again, make the bad guy like we do with grief and anger and all these other low vibration energies. Death is a beautiful access point for us to deepen our connection, to appreciate our lives, to befriend other individuals who are coming together for that person. You know, one of the most beautiful things out of this whole experience is that the you know, this loss of his name was Andy, by the way, the loss of Andy. When we went on our holiday, he introduced me to his best friend. So guess who's now my new best friend and hazards his path thing? I speak to Ali on the regular now. And we are like two peas in a pod. You know, she's taken my courses like we're just like this. He left us with each other. Wow, had had his experience not happen that those connections wouldn't have been made. And so we forget a much bigger ripple effect in the aftermath. Yeah, and we get to consciously choose how we respond to that. So. So anyway, I mean, we could go down the rabbit hole around death. But the point being is that even in death, there is light. Even in death, there is nourishment for our souls. You know, when I think about the funerals I've been to, I got to see cousins and family and hug them and love them and embrace them that I hadn't seen for a long time. And it was beautiful and wonderful. So there is there is something more to all of this. And even though I'm still on this path of discovery about it. It's allowed me to recognize that there's nothing I can do that can stop any of this from happening. But there is something I can do about how I choose to move through the world how I choose to appreciate my life and how I choose to respond.

Wonderful. It can be both, it can be a extremely traumatic and sad and horrific moment. And it can also provide you with incredible light. It's allowed to be both. And that's a great share. You talked about, you know, what if death isn't as bad as what we have been led to believe it comes back to that, you know, well, you know, if if you've been bad, you're gonna go to hell. And if you've been good, you're going to get to heaven. It's like, there's this fear around what's on the other side, and so on, if it's just part of our souls evolution. And it will take us forward to the next stage of that evolution. Yeah, I'm with you. There's the more that we can learn. And I just want to highlight something else is that like, just because someone like D has a public profile and has done a heap of work doesn't mean stuff doesn't still come up. And you've you've freely admitted that you're still grappling with this. And, and you've got another relationship now, right? Yes, yes. And so then there must be still things playing out there that have an impact. And that's okay. Because then it's part of your own growth and own evolution and to deepen those relationships. So yeah, thank you so much for really highlighting that day.

Oh, and I love that you brought up that death can be both it can be sad and painful. And it can be like, just like, everything can be you know, and I, you know, I don't want to take away from someone's experience of suffering. Because, you know, we all we all have to face pain. We're all dealt that same hand, right? As human beings, we experience pain, but our soul, when our soul was choosing to come here, it said, You know what, yeah, I want to go, I want to go and experience life, I want to go and feel the feels, I want to, I want to experience it in its fullness. Yeah, I want to do that. And then we get here, and we're like, What the hell was I thinking? Why didn't my soul put me here? What what, though? You know, and, and the truth is, is that when we come into that forgiveness piece, because I know a lot of people, they're angry that their soul chose to be here right now. And when we come into this place of forgiveness, to say, You know what, I reconcile this, I see that I was meant to come here so that I can receive as much as possible, I'm ready to receive as much as possible, then, then we again, open up that channel for us to be able to receive. And I think we've been blocking ourselves a lot of that receiving energy, especially if you're a people pleaser, like me, you know, we've been pouring into all these other people, that the truth is that our world is moving into receiver mode to receive the grace of God, to receive the divine light to receive the infinite love that is available to us. So again, we get to choose whether we want to tune into that whether we want to hold space for the low vibration, and honoring that low vibration and seeing it not so much as the bad guy, but as a contributor to the greater good. It changes the whole perspective, doesn't it?

Absolutely. Absolutely. The I know your time is limited today. So thank you for for being so open and sharing. As much as you have just before you go, where can people find out more about what you do and your work as an intuitive medium when business?

Ah, thank you so much. So you can find me at Rose hope.ca. I am Canadian. So I've got the.ca, Rose hope.ca. And you can learn more about me and what I do there. And particular my area of expertise is the Akashic Records, which is your book of life or your souls library. And so that's, that's my jam right there. I love doing that work its power

has done at all I can fully recommend that having had an experience with those records myself, was an eye opener and absolutely euphoric experience. So yeah, I can definitely recommend that from experience. D thank you so much. I feel like we only scratched the surface with you. And I'll think I'm gonna have to get you back again, because so many more questions. But thank you for sharing so much of your journey and the lessons and wisdom and light through your vast amounts of experience with loss and grief. Thank you.

Oh, my goodness, thank you so much for holding the space for me to share. You know, I don't talk about grief a lot. I tend to lean on the other side, right, like joy and happiness and manifestation. So it's powerful for me to have these conversations. And one thing I want to share with you that I've really discovered today is how important that it is that I continue to share these conversations with other people and my own challenges and struggles that I have. So I thank you for opening that up for me. And again for holding the space for me to share today. Thank you so much and

you'll say well Come Thanksgiving Day. We'll leave it there.

Amazing.

I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief, let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform