Shownotes
In a castle far away, a princess learns there's more to ruling than always getting your way.
Today’s story is “The Fox and the Unicorns” by Chase Anderson, a speculative fiction writer, spreadsheet wrangler, and internet bird. You can find this story in the anthology “One Universe to the Left,” published by the Redwood Writers of California. You can find even more stories at Chase’s website, chasej.xyz.
Read by Dralen, the Dapper Dragonfox.
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Transcripts
You’re listening
Speaker:to The Voice of Dog.
Speaker:This is Rob MacWolf, your fellow traveler,
Speaker:and Today’s story
Speaker:is “The Fox and the Unicorns” by Chase Anderson,
Speaker:a speculative fiction writer,
Speaker:spreadsheet wrangler, and internet bird.
Speaker:You can find this story in the anthology
Speaker:“One Universe to the Left,”
Speaker:published by the Redwood Writers of California.
Speaker:You can find even more stories at Chase’s website,
Speaker:chasej.xyz. Read by Dralen, the Dapper Dragonfox.
Speaker:Please enjoy “The Fox and the Unicorns”
Speaker:by Chase Anderson
Speaker:“What’s the matter, little one?”
Speaker:the old matron asked.
Speaker:The Princess Alexandra Vulpina
Speaker:glanced around her bedroom,
Speaker:pastel clothes and bedding torn asunder as if a vicious gale of dragons had blown through.
Speaker:Drawers dangled out of the armoire
Speaker:and couch cushions created mini mountains across the floor.
Speaker:“It’s….” She blinked back tears;
Speaker:the truth hung too heavy in her chest to make its way to her muzzle.
Speaker:“It’s nothing.” “Oh?” Her caretaker’s ear flicked in the way all horses do when they wish to say,
Speaker:“I don’t believe you,”
Speaker:but knew the situation was too dangerous to do so.
Speaker:Not that the mare had to worry about the little fox biting her,
Speaker:but she was The Princess and demanded respect.
Speaker:The matron bent down to Alexandra’s height.
Speaker:“Would you like me to—”
Speaker:“I can do it myself!”
Speaker:the Princess yelped.
Speaker:“I don’t need help.
Speaker:Go away!” It was several moments until the matron responded with a nod.
Speaker:“Then rest well, Your Highness,”
Speaker:she said. Alexandra waited for the clopping hooves to fade before she resigned herself to the solemn task of putting her bedroom back in order.
Speaker:It afforded her ample time to chastise herself for becoming this upset in the first place.
Speaker:She was six! She shouldn’t need her blanket to sleep.
Speaker:She wasn’t in want of linens, of course,
Speaker:but they weren’t special.
Speaker:They weren’t just the right texture and pink with purple tassels
Speaker:and unicorns frolicking through the undulating woods
Speaker:and their embroidered horns carrying a magic
Speaker:that banished all the monsters that lurked
Speaker:under her bed. And, despite her frantic searching,
Speaker:the blanket was nowhere to be found.
Speaker:I am a Vulpina! she told herself.
Speaker:I live in a big castle full of guards.
Speaker:I have no reason to be scared!
Speaker:I bet I don’t even need them, ‘cause I’ll claw that monster and they’ll run once they see who they’re messing with.
Speaker:She made her bed and returned the clothing to their drawers;
Speaker:she had tried folding them, but they never came out as neatly as when the chambermaids did it.
Speaker:After the fourth attempt at getting a dress into a perfect square,
Speaker:she grew frustrated and gave up.
Speaker:She scooped up whatever she could carry to toss into her closet.
Speaker:And then something moved.
Speaker:Alexandra froze; her ears swiveled to catch any sounds,
Speaker:but there were none. The dark corners of the closet yielded no secrets,
Speaker:yet something told her there was
Speaker:a thing in there.
Speaker:As a civilized fox,
Speaker:those predator instincts were unbecoming of one of such noble birth…but
Speaker:she knew they were right.
Speaker:She took a step back and turned her head as if to leave.
Speaker:A blur of movement streaked in her peripheral vision,
Speaker:then a piece of clothing was yanked into the darkness.
Speaker:A blasted rat, stealing my bloomers!
Speaker:She pounced, and only caught a glimpse of the skinny tail that disappeared into a hole in the wall.
Speaker:She growled her frustration.
Speaker:A scent filled her nose, something beyond must and dust and the perfume that clung to her clothes,
Speaker:but she couldn’t place it.
Speaker:She expected a rat to smell worse,
Speaker:like rot and filth and acridity,
Speaker:but this was too dry,
Speaker:too muted. Perhaps palatial rats were the envy of the common rats
Speaker:and enjoyed a more comfortable existence,
Speaker:making nests of materials their stinking cousins could never dream of.
Speaker:The hallway outside Alexandra’s room
Speaker:was empty —thankfully—
Speaker:and the room adjoining hers was unlocked.
Speaker:It was a study, long unused, with cloth draped over furniture,
Speaker:protecting it from a heavy layer of dust.
Speaker:She flicked the switch and a gas lamp fwoofed to life.
Speaker:The Princess crept carefully so each step landed pad-first,
Speaker:lest her claws click against the stone floor.
Speaker:Still, the movement stirred up dust;
Speaker:the silent swirls fought for her attention.
Speaker:Focus, she told herself.
Speaker:Think like the rat.
Speaker:It wouldn’t want to be seen,
Speaker:so it should be following the wall, not walking out in the open like herself.
Speaker:The room was too dusty to smell anything,
Speaker:so she’d need to use her eyes and ears.
Speaker:She found the wall shared with the back of her closet,
Speaker:along with evidence of the crime:
Speaker:tracks. The pawprints almost looked like hands, but without any pads and a continuous line for a tail dragged between them.
Speaker:There were more drag marks to the left,
Speaker:presumably from the pilfered clothing.
Speaker:She stood still and listened for movement,
Speaker:tiny nails against the floor,
Speaker:but there was nothing.
Speaker:The prey knows I’m listening.
Speaker:She took a step, and then another, and another.
Speaker:The trail would either lead to the criminal
Speaker:or another hole. How, exactly, she would get her bloomers back
Speaker:tugged at her mind;
Speaker:she doubted the rat would respect her position and obey an order.
Speaker:But foxes are clever,
Speaker:and she’d think of something when the time came, surely.
Speaker:A metallic creak filled the room, making her jump in surprise.
Speaker:The window banged open and shut as a flurry of movement disappeared into the night.
Speaker:She ran to the window and looked down at the gardens.
Speaker:A bush on the right side of the path shook softly,
Speaker:then the one behind it,
Speaker:and then the next.
Speaker:You’re not escaping from me!
Speaker:she thought and hopped out of the window to the gardens below.
Speaker:For once she was grateful her room was on the first floor.
Speaker:The ridiculousness of the situation only hit her when the first piece of gravel turned just the wrong way
Speaker:stabbed her in the footpaw.
Speaker:She was running around,
Speaker:outside, at night,
Speaker:in only her nightgown!
Speaker:Chasing a rat, of all things!
Speaker:But the idea of her smallclothes being found
Speaker:was even more mortifying than being caught.
Speaker:Perhaps there were no other rats at the palace, or they were—wisely—asleep.
Speaker:Or had the sense to steal from someone less important.
Speaker:There was only the single trail of movement and the occasional flash of white cloth in the moonlight.
Speaker:The chase ended at a shed
Speaker:Alexandra didn’t know they had,
Speaker:tucked behind the topiary of some creature she couldn’t discern in the dark.
Speaker:The scrabbling of claws inside the structure slunk into her ears.
Speaker:The beast had cornered itself,
Speaker:and there was that scent again, but concentrated;
Speaker:this was its nest.
Speaker:She jerked the door open;
Speaker:rust pricked at her palms. “Got you!”
Speaker:Alexandra was met with a very un-rat-like growl,
Speaker:a leathery shifting of limbs.
Speaker:She blinked as her eyes adjusted to the light.
Speaker:It was a dragon—an absolutely tiny one
Speaker:—with ruby-red scales and fiery blue eyes.
Speaker:It tilted its wings to look even larger on its pile of ill-gotten goods:
Speaker:lids of jars, pen caps, knitting needles, and…
Speaker:“My blanket!” She reached for it without thinking and was met with a short gout of flame.
Speaker:She yelped; the sound made the dragon flinch.
Speaker:The reek of singed fur overpowered her nose and she sneezed.
Speaker:A hiss snapped her sights back to the dragon.
Speaker:She blinked again;
Speaker:it shook like a sapling in a gale.
Speaker:Oh. It had to be a baby if it was no bigger than a plump rat. Where was its mother?
Speaker:The more Alexandra thought about it,
Speaker:the sadder the possibilities became.
Speaker:Her brothers always went on about slaying a dragon to enshrine their titles,
Speaker:but no Vulpina had in generations,
Speaker:though not for a lack of trying.
Speaker:No one had even seen one for years and years and years.
Speaker:She took a step backward and watched how its eyes tracked her for any hint she might strike.
Speaker:This was supposed to be the scariest monster in the world and yet
Speaker:she was seen as the predator.
Speaker:It was how everyone looked at her,
Speaker:as a fox, as a Princess,
Speaker:and it left a taste in her mouth worse than if she had caught a rat with her fangs.
Speaker:“Keep it,” Alexandra whispered.
Speaker:“You need it more than me.”
Speaker:A moment passed, and then the dragon’s body relaxed;
Speaker:it looked even smaller than before.
Speaker:Its tiny claws hooked into the fabric as the woven unicorns leapt out of its grasp.
Speaker:The failed fabric-bound hunt didn’t bother the dragon as it settled into a circle to sleep.
Speaker:Alexandra shut the door before slinking back to her room,
Speaker:now with an even greater reason not to get caught.
Speaker:Ideas rattled between her pointed ears as she put her clothes away properly.
Speaker:She could commandeer the shed,
Speaker:or sneak the little dragon some food…
Speaker:There were a myriad of ways it could go wrong.
Speaker:But she was a fox and a Vulpina,
Speaker:which meant she was terribly clever.
Speaker:She’d figure something out.
Speaker:This was “The Fox and the Unicorns” by Chase Anderson,
Speaker:read for you by READER, with CALLSIGN.
Speaker:You can find more stories on the web at thevoice.dog,
Speaker:or find the show wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker:Thank you for listening
Speaker:to The Voice of Dog.