Alabama Bama calls to confess she still hitchhikes — and apparently those random rides have turned into husbands, including one fella whose first wife is... missing. I tried to keep it together as she cheerfully admits hopping into cars at red lights and marrying like it’s a hobby. We squabble about whether AI, cigarettes, or creepy vans are the real danger, while Bama swears she’s been smoking since she was about seven and is “healthy as a horse” (I politely disagree). She drops more eyebrow-raising one-liners about exes and questionable life choices, then decides she needs immediate medical attention mid-chat. Oh, and she absolutely refuses to tell me what she had for breakfast — promising only that if I ask she’ll start nagging. Trust me, you don’t want me to get legally involved; just listen and enjoy the chaos.

Takeaways:

• I pick up the phone and Bama admits she hitchhiked her way into marriages — three wild times, including climbing into a car at a red light.
• We go head-to-head about modern fears: Bama thinks everyone's overreacting to AI, cigarettes, and suspicious men in conversion vans.
• I point out obvious red flags — like marrying a man whose first wife is missing — and Bama somehow treats it like a minor hiccup.
• She proudly confesses she’s been smoking since about seven and insists she's 'as healthy as a horse,' which makes me question everything.
• The call sparks legal eyebrow-raising moments — I literally tell her 'that raises several legal questions' while trying not to laugh.
• Bama drops cryptic lines about needing 'immediate medical attention,' refuses to tell us her breakfast, then peaces out with a sassy bye.
• I won't spoil the punchlines here — the escalating confusion, accidental confessions, and Bama's delivery are way funnier heard live.

Good morning.

It is haystack with essentially my favorite time of the week every week when we chat with my dear old friend bama from rural alabama.

She is joining us on the phone now.

And you know, bama, it seems like every single day there is another story warning us about the dangers of artificial intelligence.

Well, every dad gum day I hear some story about how that a I is dangerous.

You know what else is dangerous?

It ain't gimmick.

Oh no, I gotta be honest, I'm kind of afraid to ask.

Hitchhiking.

I have gotten into cars with strangers and gotten out with husbands.

I bet you didn't make that mistake again.

Oh, actually, honey, I did it three times.

Although one of them technically didn't stop the car.

I just climbed in at a red light.

Bama, you know what else is dangerous?

Marrying a man whose first wife is a missing.

Okay, now bama, that seems like a legitimate red flag.

Oh heck, my first three husbands all think that I'm a missing big deal.

Now why do your first three husbands think that you're missing?

Well, because tell death do us part is a whole lot easier than explaining eyes and leaving mama.

That raises several legal questions.

Let's see, what else?

What else is dangerous?

Oh yeah, smoking.

Oh goodness.

Well, I've been a cart in a day gal since.

Wait a minute.

What?

Since I was about 7 years old and I'm as healthy as a horse.

You want to reconsider that last statement there, bama?

No, I do not, Sugar.

Horses cough too.

Well, maybe, but not like they're trying to start a lawnmower.

Well, the point is, everybody needs to quit being as scared of everything.

Artificial intelligence and cigarettes and strange men in conversion vans.

Bama, two of those things you should absolutely be cautious about.

Now that is your opinion, sugar.

Oh, goodness.

Alright.

So you got any plans today?

Well, I probably ought to get off of here.

That chat ept is a saying and I need to immediately seek medical attention.

You know, bama, you might want to listen to it this time.

Oh, it's always a saying that after I tell it what I had for breakfast.

Okay, well, what did you have for breakfast?

Well, I ain't a telling you.

You'll just start nagging me too, Bama.

Bye, sugar.

Y' all have a great day.