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The Illusion That Happiness Is A Choice
Episode 21314th September 2022 • The Grief Code • Ian Hawkins
00:00:00 00:05:45

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Episode Summary

In this episode, Ian shares his perspective from an audiobook he was listening to and gives you a better understanding of grief and how sometimes happiness is not a choice.

Don’t miss:

  • Recognizing that people experience life differently can help you achieve a more open understanding of how to view the world and treat others.
  • Understand and acknowledge that the concept “happiness is a choice” is an illusion and unfair.
  • Looking into the layers of growth you can attain in a gradual and healing way.
  • Allow yourself to take one step at a time and not rush the feelings you need to process as you go through your grief and healing journey.

About the Host:

Ian Hawkins is the Founder and Host of The Grief Code. Dealing with grief firsthand with the passing of his father back in 2005 planted the seed in Ian to discover what personal freedom and legacy truly are. This experience was the start of his journey to healing the unresolved and unknown grief that was negatively impacting every area of his life. Leaning into his own intuition led him to leave corporate and follow his purpose of creating connections for himself and others. 

The Grief Code is a divinely guided process that enables every living person to uncover their unresolved and unknown grief and dramatically change their lives and the lives of those they love. Thousands of people have now moved from loss to light following this exact process. 

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I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Coach podcast, thank you so much for listening. 

Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. 

If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief, let's chat. Email me at

You can also stay connected with me by joining The Grief Code community at and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal, please subscribe and leave a review on your favourite podcast platform.


Ian Hawkins 0:02

Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the and Hawkins And let me know what you found. I know the power of this work, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.

I was listening to a book today I love the audiobooks so much easier. And you can do it on their own right. And it's a good book that I'm listening to. But this guy was talking about happiness being a choice. And our honest reckon that's garbage. Written by someone that probably done a fair bit of work on themselves and improvement, and written by someone probably making a whole lot of assumptions about other people's existence. The reality is we've all experienced grief. And when there's grief playing out, sometimes happiness is not a choice. Sometimes there's some other emotions that we need to feel. And sometimes there's other shit going on. That's just keeping us stuck. And it stops us from just choosing to feel happy. To me, this is misguided. It's it's unfair to suggest this to people, particularly if they're doing it tough. Like, it's, you know, it's like those days when you're down. There's no fucking way that you're choosing happiness that day, and everything's gonna be rosy, right? It just doesn't happen. And, sure, there are some steps that you can take. But this idea that well, I'll just be happy and everything will be good. Well, it's like oversimplifying. So instead, it's about identifying where you're at, and what are your options, because that we can do at any point. And if the options from anything from, well, I'm here, I'm feeling rubbish. And there's no possible way I can do anything except just lie here, well, then, so be it all the way through to, well, this is what's going on. I'm going to get a strategy in place, and I'm going to act on it. And everything in between. And at each layer. In between, there's a different step to take, and there's a different step to take for you. No one else can tell you what the right step is. Because it depends on your circumstances. We've all lived vastly different lives, we've all had vastly different experiences. And we've all had vastly different moments of grief, which our brain and our whole being is processed in a vastly different way to anyone else. So don't fall into that trap that says that just builds more pressure on you that you can choose happiness. We, you can try. And it might work for you for a time. But ultimately, there's another layer that needs to be peeled back, no matter where you are up to on your journey. There's another layer of growth on I'm buying into this crap of enlightenment and we will get to the certain point that everything's completely fine. I don't buy into that. To me, that's a cop out. It's it's a unattainable vision for the future. And it just keeps people feeling stuck, continue to feel insecure about themselves and blaming themselves. Instead, blame culture, everything's gonna have a blame. So no, you choose what the right thing is for you right now. Just know that I believe in you. I believe that you can get to that next level. And that as long as you keep looking forward looking up than that, what have you gotten through all paths, the good, the bad and the indifferent.

And you be able to move forward to what it is that you truly Modern life.

I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief, let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform