Which moments turn out to be the big ones? Enjoy the little things, said Robert Brault, for one day you may look back and realise they were the big things.

All the presents from Father Christmas in one wrapping, on the bottom of the bed. The first time they wheeled me out through the front doors of the spinal unit, the same doors the air ambulance had brought me in through. And Bronnie Ware's five regrets of the dying, top of the list being the courage to live a life true to yourself.

One thing to try: Ring somebody you have not rung for a while. That is the little thing.

In this episode

• (0:02) Enjoy the little things, for one day they were the big things
• (1:56) I will cry at anything, including television adverts
• (4:58) Bring a coffee, sit down, and talk for half an hour
• (6:43) Father Christmas, one wrapping paper, bottom of the bed
• (10:09) Being told my limit was far less than I thought
• (11:28) Out the front doors for the first time since the air ambulance
• (14:17) Bronnie Ware, and the five regrets of the dying
• (17:49) The park she asked to stop at, and always being told no

With gratitude to

Sarah Dunn, Sarah, Nate and Christine, for the coffees. And Audra, for sharing her story.

Support the podcast and join the Weekly Calm: stevenwebb.uk

Thank you for listening.

Steven

Links to Steven Webb's podcast and how you can support his work.

• Donate paypal.me/stevenwebb or Coffee stevenwebb.uk
• Steven's courses, podcasts and links: stevenwebb.uk

Enjoy the little things. For one day you may look back and realise they were the big things. Robert Brault.

That's the subject of today's podcast.

I'm Steven Webb and this is Stillness in the Storms and I help you to see things differently. Talking about

little things, I want to say a big thank you to Sarah Dunn, Sarah, Nate and Christine for treating me

to a coffee. It really is the little things that make a difference. And a huge, huge thank you to

you. A big virtual hug. It really helps to get this podcast out to get more edited. And it helps

me with my other podcast as well. Inner Peace Meditations. You can search for that anywhere. It's just a load

of meditations that help you to have a little more inner peace. So thank you Sarah Dunn, Sarah, Nate and

Christine. You are awesome and thank you to everybody that gives me support otherwise. You know, it really does make

a huge difference. But today's podcast was inspired by Audra and we were having a conversation over Instagram

and... Audra I met through this podcast. And she reached out to me and we started

talking about different things. And we were talking about the little things and how much they make a difference to

us. And she sent me a voice message with the most beautiful story. And it just brought tears to my

eyes. And I want to share that with you, and I'm going to share the actual recording. She gave me

permission, although she did not know at the time I was going to share the recording with you. She just

shared the story with me, and she said she says in it that she chokes up every single time, and

oh, she left me crying my eyes out. And, you know, I'll cry at anything, literally. I'll cry at Tv

adverts or anything, and, you know, I just, I'm an emotional person, and that's fine. There's nothing wrong with that.

But boy. So, a little warning for today's podcast. If it goes to where I think it's going to go,

if you're driving or anything like that, be ready to pull over because your eyes are going to stream. You

know, this really is about the little things that are the big things. Welcome to today's podcast. So

coming up, I'm going to share a few regrets of my own. I'm going to share a couple of regrets

by one by Obama about his family and all that when he was younger. And just little moments really. And

these little moments that really shape us all and they make they have a really big impact on our lives.

And we don't realise how much these little things have a big impact until we look back on them. And

everybody says, you know, I don't regret anything I You know, there's nothing that I've done in life that I

regret. But what about the things you didn't do? Is there many things you did not do that you regret

not doing? Oh boy, there's a ton of things in my life. And that's not just the fun and awesome

things. It's the little things as well. Those little moments and timeouts when I was rushing around. Those people I

should have phoned when I didn't phone. I'm just thinking now I've got like a list of friends I need

to phone. List of people that mean so much to me and all that. And I'm still not, you know,

I'm here giving this advice now. Take those little timeouts. Do these things. Don't regret them. But I'm still doing

the same thing. When will we learn as humans? You know, you tell me. When will we actually kick our

own cells up the butt and go, do you know what? We know what we should be doing, yet we're

still not doing it. We are so ridiculously human. Oh, I don't know. I I have no idea how we're

gonna square this round hole. I don't know but you know But even if you end up doing a couple

extra little things, even if you make that phone call at the end of today's podcast you know do those

little things. They make a huge, huge difference in your life and in somebody's life. And even the long-term benefits

of just doing these extra little Not so much the material things. We all know about the material things all

about the little experiences and all that? You know, they enhance our emotional well-being. Just that small positive

experiences and they accumulate over time. You know, it really does make a huge difference. You know, the simple acts

of kindness. Spending quality with loved ones or enjoying a little hobby. You know, just ah just

you know, that little time out. You know, it will strengthen relationships. It will give those little experiences will deepen

your connections with people. You know, sit down have that discussion. Find a park bench. Phone a friend and say,

look, I'll meet you down at the park. Bring a coffee. We'll sit down for half an hour and we'll

just talk about our life. Talk about memories. Talk about whatever you want. You know, it's wonderful for personal growth

and self-discovery. Finding out about each other. Pick someone you might deem as your enemy. Somebody on the political

other side of your spectrum or something like that. And just say, look, you know, let's bury some of the

hatchets or something like that. Bury the hatchet? Is that what they... Just trying to think what that is um

Let's close that door or whatever it is. Let's go down and just have a conversation about what what we're

passionate about. And you'll be surprised. You'll find even your enemies or your seamed enemies are

very similar to you. You know, we all regret the similar things. You know, we all just want a little

more joy in life and we want to live our lives with a little more wholesome depth and value.

And this is how we do it. By not regret but by doing and enjoying the little things.

And if you think back on your life, I wonder how many little things have lasting impact on your whole

life. And it's not those big things that you tell the story about. I always remember Kemba, my daughter. She's

now 27. And she moved in when she was four with me. And her mum moved in and she moved

in at the same time. So she's my stepdaughter her And her bedroom was just next to my bedroom downstairs

because I'm paralysed so We always used to put the Christmas presents from Father Christmas on her bed. The same

as what my mum always done. All the presents from Father Christmas was all in one wrapping. And we they

were always put on the bottom of the bed. And the presents from my parents and the presents from me

and Emma to kemba were put in the front room. So she'd open the Christmas presents from Father Christmas. And

then once we were out of bed and my carers and all come in and got me up and all,

then we would open their presents from... Us. So it was separated. We had that bit of magic for Christmas.

And I always remember lying in bed and I heard a little tear. And

I said cam It was about five o'clock in the morning or something like that. I heard this little tear

and I said cam She goes, yeah. I said, what are you doing? And oh God, I joke up now

she This little voice just said, he's been. And my God, that

magic I I The magic feeling just overwhelmed me and feeling of just pure joy. And

I don't think there's anything that has come close to that joy in my life. As just that moment,

I could feel the joy. I could feel everything that she was experiencing in that

moment. And it was just magic. It was just incredible. And I'll never forget it I You know, I cannot

say it without a tear in my eye. And I'm holding them back now. So I carry on with this

podcast. But I would never forget the feeling of you can you can hear the joy in their voice

can you You

know, there she was. He's been. It's like, wow. At that moment, she felt special.

She felt someone. She felt like, you know, I don't know, a million dollars, whatever it is, I don't know.

But yeah, she felt pretty incredible. I don't know if she remembers it. You know, I've often mentioned it and

I cannot remember what she says. I'm so wrapped up in sharing the story myself, I don't even listen to

whether she remembers it or not. I can remember she was really chuffed to get a telly tubby one year

um I've seen a video of that. But yeah she she loved Christmas. And another experience was

a few months after I broke my neck, I was flown off to Salisbury Hospital nearly 200 miles away. And

because I had a halo pinned to my head, so it's a big silver bracket that was pinned into my

skull with 15 pounds of weight hanging off the top. And this was to stop me moving my head. Although

I could not move my arm or anything at this point, I can't move couldn't move or feel only my

body. But I couldn't even raise my arms to scratch my face. So I was just lying there. But in

order to keep the neck dead straight on the hope that some movement or some feeling might come back, that

I was basically strapped in bed and they would roll me over a couple times a day with like six

of them. So I was log world and all that. And this went on for about five months or so.

And the very first time after weeks and weeks of sitting up just five degrees and probably six months

into my hospital, my 12 months hospital stay, they said, right, we're going to come and get you out of

bed for the very first time. And this there's so much preparation went into this moment. And I was like,

yeah, I'll get up. I'll get up for a couple of hours and I'll do like three hours. And they

said, no, your limit is 10, 15 minutes maximum in the chair. You haven't sat down on your bum for

like a long time. You may get pressure sores. You make all those things. You may feel dizzy. I was

like, no, I've been in bed six months. You're not going to keep me down. I'm going to get out

of bed I'm going to... Stay up. You're not going to put me back to bed nor that And I

was already, I was raring to be. And I did agree with them. I think vaguely that they turned around

and said, okay, if you're feeling okay after 15 minutes, you can stay up another five or ten minutes And

we'll do it five minutes at a time. But maximum half an hour. That is it. No matter what. Well,

it took them about an hour and a half to get me into the chair and they propped me up

and all that. And they said, okay, you're in the chair. How do you feel? I was like, I feel

a bit weird. It's a bit strange to sat up. And I wasn't really sat up. I still lying back

quite a bit. Great big, huge chair. And they said, what do you want to do? I said, can you

wheel me outside? I want to feel the fresh air on my face. And I think this but by this

time, it was very early spring, but it was cold. So they wheeled me outside the front doors. And this

is the first time I've been out the front doors since the day I was wheeled in from the air

ambulance flying me there. And they wheeled me outside. And I felt the cold air on my face.

Oh, wow that just Just feeling the cold air, the non-dry human hair of

the air of the hospital. And it was just so powerful. And I can feel it now. You just

imagine in first time in like nearly six months, feeling the cold air on your face.

Well, they put me to bed about 10 minutes later because I was exhausted. And they said, oh, you'll sleep

for a few hours. I slept for a full solid 24 hours. After they put me in bed, they made

me comfortable so I'm gonna go sleep for a little bit. And incidentally, I only spent about 15 minutes up.

I couldn't do another five minutes. I was exhausted. Just lifting my arms was enough. And I slept for a

full 24 hours. Not even opening my eyes at all. I don't think I've ever slept like that since

um But just, yeah I've been able to take that breath. Yeah,

wow. It just has those impacts. And there's so many regrets. There's so many things now that we don't do.

And I think the main thing is not taking those time out. It's not the big things like I wish

I'd gone to that console. I wish I dated them or I wish I bought that amazing thing. No, it's

regretting just the I wish I left five minutes early just so I could enjoy the journey.

I remember reading barrett Obama's A Promised Land book um a while ago I didn't I don't know if I

read it all. And I remember him saying about how much he regretted not spending more time with family This

is the person that's done so much in life, experienced so much. You know, he's probably had all the experiences

you can ever probably imagine. But yet he regretted not spending more time with um is it Malia and Sasha?

I think it's malia and tasha his children, and Michelle, his wife just Just taking that little

extra time and spending more time with them rather than just his political career and all that. And I think

that's quite a normal kind of regret. I I regret not spending more time with Kemba, but I don't spend

enough time with Kemba now. You know, there's many a weeks that she says, we haven't been out from it

or we haven't done this. So, you know, I think we'll always regret these kind of things. I think it's

quite normal. And there was a nurse. Australian nurse um bronnie

bronnie where One minute. I'm gonna have to look it up.

Yes, an Australian nurse. Bronnie where And the top five regrets of the dying. You know,

and I've just got three of them here. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to

myself. Not the life others expected of me. Oh, that that resonates with me so much.

Trying to live everybody else's life. I think I've done a podcast on that. So hard work. You can never

live up to it there's what seven billion people and none of them were as good as you. Well, when

it comes to living you you know no one can live you just as good as you can live yourself.

And yet we're trying to live with everybody else. So I I like that one. I wish I hadn't worked

so hard. Yeah. Spent so much time away from family, things like that. No one ever gets to the theft

bed do they? And they go, oh, I wish I worked a bit harder. I wish I had the courage

to express my feelings. Yeah, that's a real one, isn't it? Just to be able to say to people, you

know, this sound feeling. And to really dig deep down. And express our feelings from a real true

sense of what we're really feeling. Not just the superficial, yeah I'm fine, I'm angry, I'm mad. But a real

sense of understanding our feelings. That'd be really important. Well at the beginning of the podcast I said I would

share with you the audio that Audra sent me. And she just sent it. She didn't know I was going

to use it. This is really important. I don't think it would have been so genuine. You know, the minute

you put a mic in front of someone, it's really difficult. I know because I do that. You know, I

plan a podcast, put the mic in front of me and it's like uh what do I say now? And

it all goes wrong. But Audra didn't know this and she just sent me the audience And I just cried.

And I bet if I play them now and listen to them now, I'll come back and I'll be crying.

Because she tells the story in such a beautiful way. I think you'll just relate to it.

You know, if you've ever had children or you've ever spent any time around other people, you'll just relate to

this so much.

Anyway, I'm not gonna dribble on too much more. I'm gonna play you the clip I'm not used to taking

time just to stop and smell the roses to use a cliche. So thank you for reminding me to do

that. It's just not something I ever had the luxury to do. I used to joke my life was lived

in 15 minute increments. And I think that's true for a lot of people. So I hope you're reminding people

to do that. Hits them. Especially the people who are in the chaos right now. They remember

to do that.

I'm glad you don't think I'm nuts. I have a story that for some reason, I still can't tell this

without choking up. But I'm going to tell you.

Oh my gosh, I'm probably going to get emotional. Now you will think I am that crazy person. But there

was this park along this street that I always drove on with my kids as I was running my daughters

to and fro and everywhere and just the craziness of life. And when my daughter, Sophie, who will be 22

on Friday,

she hates the story, but Every time we would drive by it when she was a kid, she would say,

Mom, can we stop? I want to try that park. And I would always say no, because we had to

get going to wherever we're going. And we had plenty of parks that were close by that she went to

on a regular basis. It's not like my kid had no park action. She had tons. And when she grew

up and left, this is the part I'm going to cry. I'm choking up every time.

I drive by that park. And

I wish I could just stop there with her.

Every time. It is the one thing that gets me. I'm gonna see her tonight just staying over. We have

a great relationship. I see her all the time. But it's the one thing that makes me wish I would

have done.

Yeah, wow. Just just wow um So many times I can relate to that and the way she tells the

story oh I don't think... I got tears running down my eyes now. It's just...

Yeah, she says it beautifully. This whole podcast, she says it so beautifully and it's just

mom can I try the park?

Well, thank you, Audra, for sharing. Thank you for allowing me to share it as well. You know, it's just

such a beautiful reminder. We start to realise how special and important life is. It's the most important, the most

precious thing you have. How do we be more present? How do we... Open ourselves to life's little small

experiences. Just

pause. Just

pause to put The power of the pause, as Cheryl, one of my great friends, keeps saying, power of the

pause. Just take a seat next to the river or leave five minutes early and pull the car over and

have a look down over the valley.

Just take that little time out. Journal writing Keep writing down your thoughts. Just

one or two sentences each evening. Make a phone call. Make a phone call to someone you haven't phoned for

a while.

You know, talking of the little things, you know, thank you to those that treat me to a coffee. It

makes a huge difference and you can head over to thankyousteven.com. That'd be awesome and amazing trip to a coffee

um But the main points are enjoy the little things.

And I know you cannot go back and change the things. You cannot go back and redo them. But you

can make sure you're not going to regret in 10 years time something that you could have done now. And

I think that's the real importance part of it, is the fact that don't look back in 10 years time

and regret the things you didn't do now.

Lewis Carroll has an amazing quote says In the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take. The

relationships we were afraid to have and the decisions we waited too long to make.

Boy, the decisions we waited too long to make. Look, cherish every moment, even the ones

you don't want, because one day they will be the ones you want. Take

a breath. Remember love is acceptance. Accept everything, including yourself.

Remember

to love yourself is just to accept yourself.

And to remember Jerry Springer. Till next time, take care of yourself and each other.