Shownotes
Welcome to Day 2164 of Wisdom-Trek, and thank you for joining me.
This is Guthrie Chamberlain, Your Guide to Wisdom
The Gospel of John – 31 – Qualities of a Friend – Daily Wisdom
The Gospel of John – Part 4 Confirmation Of The Word – Qualities Of A Friend
Today we continue our Good News series according to John the Apostle. In our last lesson in John, Jesus taught us through the allegory of the vine and branches. The emphasis was on bearing fruit by staying attached to the main vine so that we could receive the nourishment of the Holy Spirit. To do this, we must remain in Christ as we read in John 15:5, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” Our scripture for today is John 15:12-17. Jesus gives us the command to “Love each other.” Follow along as I read. “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. This is my command: Love each other.” Let me start with a story today. Samuel Taylor Coleridge was a lonely genius. Born to aging parents in Devonshire, England, the youngest of ten children, he did not receive the love most children are given and, therefore, never had the opportunity to cultivate close relationships. His father died before his tenth birthday, after which he was sent to a boarding school notorious for its harsh treatment, and then to live with various family members. Nevertheless, his caretakers did recognize his exceptional intellect and enrolled him at Cambridge, where he quickly distinguished himself as a scholar. Coleridge became known for three notable habits in school: voracious reading, prolific writing, and radical thinking. Eventually, his philosophical pursuits led him away from his father’s faith and away from Cambridge before graduating. He accumulated a large debt, pursued French philosophy, attempted to found a utopian society in Pennsylvania, married, divorced, became hopelessly addicted to opium, and eventually managed to estrange himself from family and friends. Then, he met William Wordsworth, who befriended the rootless genius. This led to his most productive period of writing and publishing, during which he wrote the poems “Remorse,” “Love,” “Kubla Khan,” and his most famous work, “The Rime of the Ancient Mariner.” The main character in this emotional autobiography laments, Alone, alone, all, all alone; Alone on a wide, wide sea! And never a saint took pity on My soul in agony. Eventually, Wordsworth discontinued his relationship with Coleridge, who became excessively dependent upon opium, separated from his second wife, abandoned his children, and could no longer sustain any meaningful workload. He moved into the home of a pharmacist, James Gillman, hoping to reduce his dosage of opium, but quickly found a secondary source. Nevertheless, Gillman allowed Coleridge to remain in his family’s care for the rest of his life. A few years before his death, Coleridge acknowledged the value of his sole friend in his poem, “Youth and Age,” which includes the line, “Friendship is a sheltering tree.” So it appears in our lives at times. We try to make it alone, not seeing the need for close family or friends. I think this is especially true of young men. We try to prove to ourselves and the world that we are self-made. We fail to realize that we are stronger together than we are alone. The wisest man to ever live, King Solomon, wrote this in Ecclesiastes 4:11-12, “Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” As I have grown in wisdom, I see that Jesus, the most capable, mature man who ever lived, sought out the companionship of twelve men and cultivated close friendships with a few of them. Then, on the eve of His crucifixion, He retreated into seclusion with the Twelve to share His wisdom, draw comfort, and receive support. During His discourse on how the men and subsequent generations of disciples should conduct themselves after His departure, the Lord highlighted the importance of close friends. These sheltering trees spread their protection with four branches:- A disregard for personal sacrifice (15:13)
- A dedication to mutual aims (15:14)
- A mutual confidentiality (15:15)
- A shared desire for success (15:16)
- A disregard for personal sacrifice. To sacrifice means to forfeit something without the expectation of anything in return. The sole motivation for sacrifice must be the highest, greatest good of the other person. Therefore, do not sacrifice anything you are unwilling to lose. Do not sacrifice anything unless you are willing to receive nothing in return and to have your sacrifice taken for granted. After all, grace probably isn’t grace without the possibility of it being abused. If you are unwilling to sacrifice without hard feelings, it is better not to offer that kindness and admit that the trust shared in your friendship is not yet deep enough.
- A dedication to mutual aims. Genuine friendships are founded upon shared values. Individual goals might differ for two friends; however, their objectives do not conflict and ultimately honor the same principles. For example, Paula and I have two distinct personalities, and are quite different in many ways. We have different strengths and weaknesses. I am a morning person; Paula is not. I process internally; Paula is a verbal processor. Paula is detailed focus; I am much more big picture. But our values and aims are closely aligned. We are both very frugal. We had similar upbringings focused on living a life for God, engrained by our parents. We desire to live godly lives, and impact our world for God’s kingdom. A dedication to mutual purposes does not require friends to pursue identical goals in the same manner. However, they do support one another.
- A mutual confidentiality. Holding the confidence of another involves keeping private matters with absolute discretion. Moreover, sharing confidence requires complete honesty between friends. I trust only a few people to give me honest counsel when sorting through my plans. I depend upon them to share their honest thoughts, especially when they disagree with my approach. And, most difficult of all, I strongly consider their advice, even when I am not yet convinced they are right. Let me restate that another way, because this is crucial: The most significant test of trust in friendship is when you are willing to heed their counsel before you are thoroughly convinced. If they tell you a specific course of action is unwise or unjust, you need to consider avoiding that approach regardless of how convinced you are. I don’t mean to say that every decision is made by majority rule; however, when you trust these few friends to steer you around your blind spots, you know they are genuine friends.
- A shared desire for success. Friends, don’t undermine your efforts. On the contrary, friends want to see each other achieve the true desires of their hearts, and they help one another achieve those goals. Friends encourage, challenge, guide, critique, celebrate, and supplement each other.
- Live Abundantly (Fully)
- Love Unconditionally
- Listen Intentionally
- Learn Continuously
- Lend to others Generously
- Lead with Integrity
- Leave a Living Legacy Each Day
Transcripts
This is Guthrie Chamberlain, Your Guide to Wisdom
The Gospel of John – 31 – Qualities of a Friend – Daily Wisdom
/:The Gospel of John – Part 4 Confirmation Of The Word – Qualities Of A Friend
Today we continue our Good News series according to John the Apostle. Last week, Jesus taught us through the allegory of the vine and branches. The emphasis was on bearing fruit by staying attached to the main vine so that we could receive the nourishment of the Holy Spirit. To do this, we must remain in Christ as we read in John 15:5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.
r scripture for today is John:“12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. 17 This is my command: Love each other.
Let me start with a story today. Samuel Taylor Coleridge was a lonely genius. Born to aging parents in Devonshire, England, the youngest of ten children, he did not receive the love most children are given and, therefore, never had the opportunity to cultivate close relationships. His father died before his tenth birthday, after which he was sent to a boarding school notorious for its harsh treatment, and then to live with various family members. Nevertheless, his caretakers did recognize his exceptional intellect and enrolled him at Cambridge, where he quickly distinguished himself as a scholar.
Coleridge became known for three notable habits in school: voracious reading, prolific writing, and radical thinking. Eventually, his philosophical pursuits led him away from his father’s faith and away from Cambridge before graduating. He accumulated a large debt, pursued French philosophy, attempted to found a utopian society in Pennsylvania, married, divorced, became hopelessly addicted to opium, and eventually managed to estrange himself from family and friends.
Then, he met William Wordsworth, who befriended the rootless genius. This led to his most productive period of writing and publishing, during which he wrote the poems “Remorse,” “Love,” “Kubla Khan,” and his most famous work, “The Rime of the Ancient Mariner.” The main character in this emotional autobiography laments,
Alone, alone, all, all alone;
Alone on a wide, wide sea!
And never a saint took pity on
My soul in agony.
Eventually, Wordsworth discontinued his relationship with Coleridge, who became excessively dependent upon opium, separated from his second wife, abandoned his children, and could no longer sustain any meaningful workload. He moved into the home of a pharmacist, James Gillman, hoping to reduce his dosage of opium, but quickly found a secondary source. Nevertheless, Gillman allowed Coleridge to remain in his family’s care for the rest of his life.
A few years before his death, Coleridge acknowledged the value of his sole friend in his poem, “Youth and Age,” which includes the line, “Friendship is a sheltering tree.”
So it appears in our lives at times. We try to make it alone, not seeing the need for close family or friends. I think this is especially true of young men. We try to prove to ourselves and the world that we are self-made. We fail to realize that we are stronger together than we are alone. The wisest man to ever live, King Solomon, wrote this in Ecclesiastes 4:11-12. 11 Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? 12 A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. As I have grown in wisdom, I see that Jesus, the most capable, mature man who ever lived, sought out the companionship of twelve men and cultivated close friendships with a few of them. Then, on the eve of His crucifixion, He retreated into seclusion with the Twelve to share His wisdom, draw comfort, and receive support.
During His discourse on how the men and subsequent generations of disciples should conduct themselves after His departure, the Lord highlighted the importance of close friends. These sheltering trees spread their protection with four branches: (Bulletin)
egard for personal sacrifice (:A dedication to mutual aims (15:14).
A mutual confidentiality (:A shared desire for success (15:16).
—: mandments Jesus referenced in:In the worldly sense, the command sounds impossible to accomplish. How can we possibly love someone we barely know and for whom we have no feelings? The world’s concept of love is self-oriented, performance-based, and driven by fickle sentiment. It is conditional love. People fall into and out of love as though it were a random,~ mysterious force that affects two minds for a season and may fade as quickly as it came. That is not the type of love Jesus’s command was referring to. Love is always a choice, one that we must make each day.
The Greek word here is not fickle erōs, or even heartfelt philia but agape. In Jesus’s day, agape love was “A New Kind of Love. ” Agapē often involves deep feeling, /but it begins with a decision. Agapē doesn’t consider merit and doesn’t wait for inspiration. Agapē is the kind of love God exemplifies, especially in relationship with His Son.
Moreover, the verb tense is “imperfect,” which suggests repeated or ongoing action: “keep loving one another.” And the quality of that love must be the same as the love we receive from Christ. He is our example and our standard.
petition of the command (John: —:A disregard for personal sacrifice
While this verse has in view the act of Jesus dying in the place of all humanity, His sacrifice illustrates an important principle. The ultimate example of love for another is the willingness to prioritize that person’s life more than one’s own. Charles Dickens incorporated this in his novel A Tale of Two Cities, whose characters were caught up in the swirling insanity and rampant bloodshed of the French Revolution. In the final scene, the selfless lawyer, Sydney Carton, took his friend’s place on the guillotine to secure his safety. Onlookers recalled Carton’s serene expression as he climbed the steps of the scaffold, saying in effect, “It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known.”
This ultimate sacrifice is the ultimate expression of love; however, we are unlikely to face such a choice. More often, we are asked to give up our lives in small measures, day by day, rather than in one grand gesture. And in many ways, this is more difficult. For example, love for a friend doesn’t keep a record of sacrifice; this love values the other more than the self, so that sacrifice becomes a minor significance. This kind of love is described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. 4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
—:A dedication to mutual aims
recipients of His sacrifice (:A soldier on the battlefield supports the mission by following the orders the commanding officer gives—even if he dies before accomplishing his task. If he deliberately disobeys, then he undermines the mission. So it is with us. We are Jesus’s friends when we support His aims.
—:A mutual confidentiality
This use of philos “friend” or “comrade,” is unusual concerning Jesus, who is usually addressed as “Lord,” “Master,” “Rabbi,” or “my God.” Philos, in this context, suggests a peer relationship. However, we certainly cannot claim equality with Christ, even when we eventually see Him face to face and are made to be like Him (1 John 3:2). Dear friends, we are already God’s children, but he has not yet shown us what we will be like when Christ appears. But we do know that we will be like him, for we will see him as he really is. The relationship is one in which Jesus elevates us to a higher standing than we deserve; nevertheless, His superiority is never compromised.
When our oldest son Buddy was still very young, he enjoyed the company of older people more than his peers. I think he felt he was equal at times. His reading, verbal and comprehension skills were well beyond his years. But in certain areas of life, it was evident that he was not one of our peers. For instance, when we got into a car, he was reminded that he was not our peer. We had a license to drive, and he did not. We knew how to operate the vehicle while his feet could not reach the pedals. Indeed, now that our children are grown, they are our peers and friends. So it is with Christ. He elevates us to the status of “friend,” He shares the details of His redemptive plan for the world and calls us to stand beside Him in accomplishing it. Through the indwelling Holy Spirit, the Son of God allows us complete access to His mind, freely sharing His deepest thoughts and plans. He brings us into fellowship with the Trinity, even though we are not morally perfect and do not possess divine attributes like omnipotence or omniscience. He treats us like equals even though we can never be His peers.
Genuine friendships between a husband and wife are not founded upon superficiality. Intimacy between friends affords little room for secrets. And when friends share every detail of life, regardless of how embarrassing or scandalous, opportunities for recovery, healing, and growth abound. The almighty Creator of the universe has invited us to relate to Him as a friend, to enjoy peer status with our Maker!
—:A shared desire for success
This verse clarifies that the relationship the Lord calls us to share with Him is reciprocal. Believers are chosen and appointed for obedience (“bearing fruit”). He commands us to love one another as He loves us and to join Him in building His kingdom. As we obey, we are transformed. As we are transformed, we begin to think with Christ’s mind and pray for what God desires to accomplish. Consequently, we experience a growing oneness with God in mind and purpose.
—: m of God and “the world” (:The love relationship that characterizes the oneness of the Trinity is the same kind of love relationship the Lord desires for His own. Furthermore, our love for one another allows us to receive the love of God. The opposite is also true. We cannot know the love of God if we do not love the people He sent His Son to save (1 Jn. 3:10). So now we can tell who are children of God and who are children of the devil. Anyone who does not live righteously and does not love other believers[a] does not belong to God. Failing to love one another makes us like a world characterized by hate. Jesus leaves no middle ground between love and hate. We must choose one or the other.
(Bulletin)
APPLICATION: JOHN:Sheltering a Friend
By the end of his life, Samuel Taylor Coleridge entertained a steady stream of admirers, but years of addiction to opium left him with only one genuine friend. James Gillman became Coleridge’s sheltering tree.
As noted above, we learn from the Lord’s discussion on love that a sheltering friend spreads their protection with four branches.
A disregard for personal sacrifice. To sacrifice means to forfeit something without the expectation of anything in return. The sole motivation for sacrifice must be the highest, greatest good of the other person. Therefore, do not sacrifice anything you are unwilling to lose. Do not sacrifice anything unless you are willing to receive nothing in return and to have your sacrifice taken for granted. After all, grace probably isn’t grace without the possibility of it being abused. If you are unwilling to sacrifice without hard feelings, it is better not to offer that kindness and admit that the trust shared in your friendship is not yet deep enough.
A dedication to mutual aims. Genuine friendships are founded upon shared values. Individual goals might differ for two friends; however, their objectives do not conflict and ultimately honor the same principles. For example, Paula and I have two distinct personalities, and are quite different in many ways. We have different strengths and weaknesses. I am a morning person; Paula is not. I process internally; Paula is a verbal processor. Paula is detailed focus; I am much more big picture. But our values and aims are closely aligned. We are both very frugal. We had similar upbringings focused on living a life for God, engrained by our parents. We desire to live godly lives, and impact our world for God’s kingdom. A dedication to mutual purposes does not require friends to pursue identical goals in the same manner. However, they do support one another.
A mutual confidentiality. Holding the confidence of another involves keeping private matters with absolute discretion. Moreover, sharing confidence requires complete honesty between friends. I trust only a few people to give me honest counsel when sorting through my plans. I depend upon them to share their honest thoughts, especially when they disagree with my approach. And, most difficult of all, I strongly consider their advice, even when I am not yet convinced they are right. Let me restate that another way, because this is crucial: The most significant test of trust in friendship is when you are willing to heed their counsel before you are thoroughly convinced. If they tell you a specific course of action is unwise or unjust, you need to consider avoiding that approach regardless of how convinced you are. I don’t mean to say that every decision is made by majority rule; however, when you trust these few friends to steer you around your blind spots, you know they are genuine friends.
A shared desire for success. Friends, don’t undermine your efforts. On the contrary, friends want to see each other achieve the true desires of their hearts, and they help one another achieve those goals. Friends encourage, challenge, guide, critique, celebrate, and supplement each other.
Each of these four qualities should be applied to healthy relationships, in which each friend has earned and preserved the trust of the other. Unfortunately, in some rare cases, selflessness, dedication, loyalty, and support can be twisted to cause more harm than good. To be a genuine friend to others, we must understand what each element does and does not entail.
As young people, most want to be popular and have as many companions as possible. We call these casual companions “friends.” But as I matured, I realized that being friendly differs from being a friend. We should be liberal with our kindness and mercy; genuine and deep friendship is costly. Therefore, choose close friends wisely because we do not have inexhaustible resources to sacrifice. We are all limited in the amount of time and emotional resources we can pour into our friends and support our friends’ lives and endeavors.
Furthermore, we cannot maintain the confidence of an infinite number of friends. So, it is understandable that your list of genuine friends is manageably short, while you can enjoy camaraderie with many and offer kindness to all.
In our passage today, we see the teachings of Jesus through the four branches of friendship. These four branches are contained within the bookends of verse 12 This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. Verse 17 This is my command: Love each other.
Persecution. Please read John: