The Wheel of What-Have-You was basically forgotten this episode in favor of some reminiscing and jawing about cultural theory, intersectionality, power and privilege, and why you should never date a graduate student. It was Beck's birthday last week and she came back a blistered lobster, but that only made her funnier. Remember to visit us on social media @queernecks and send us an email if you have a story to tell or idea to share at mailbag@queernecks.com.

Subscribe to the newsletter here: https://substack.com/@queernecks

Chapters:

00:00 Introduction and Birthday Recap

00:50 Sunburn Stories and Swimming Adventures

03:05 Haunted Spaghetti and Food Talk

04:56 Cooking Memories and Recipes

08:35 Homelessness and Bowling Alley Job

15:12 Teaching Challenges and Social Justice

22:43 Hijinks and Childhood Memories

24:02 Childhood Games and Cousin Memories

25:14 Family Dynamics and Growing Up

26:19 Adventures and Mishaps

26:26 Drinking Stories and Party Days

30:16 Gift Giving and Love Languages

33:35 Social Media and Online Presence

38:38 Sponsor

41:51 Noun of Appalachian Interest

45:30 Conclusion and Future Plans

Welcome to Queernecks, the podcast that

puts the yehaw in y'all means hall.

2

I'm your host, Beck, and I'm your host.

3

Dash.

4

Welcome to today's episode.

5

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320:

So you had a good birthday.

6

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: It

was, the day was wonderful.

7

The aftermath has been very painful.

8

I got not only a chest cold, but

blisters upon blisters on my shoulders.

9

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: You're so shiny.

10

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: I know.

11

And red, my eyes were swollen from

this, like my eyelids were burnt.

12

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Oh God.

13

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319:

were swollen from being burnt.

14

It was bad.

15

And I have new blisters today.

16

Like why do four days

later do I have blisters?

17

That doesn't make sense to me.

18

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: I think, I

mean, it just sounds like you, you got it.

19

Good.

20

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Yeah,

21

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: I don't

know why, but I always get real

22

embarrassed anytime I get a sunburn.

23

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Yeah.

24

I went and got my hair cut on

Tuesday and my, uh, the lady that

25

cuts my hair totally roasted me.

26

' cause we had sunscreen with us.

27

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Just didn't

put off enough on or forgot it or,

28

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Yeah.

29

Pretty much.

30

It was like, it was just an overcast day

and it wasn't very hot and just, you know,

31

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: mm.

32

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319:

it would be fine and stupid.

33

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320:

Was it the middle of the day

34

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Yeah.

35

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: was it,

36

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319:

37

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: oh, the,

that's when the sun is highest

38

you got there, like right when

the sun was directly overhead.

39

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: We

stayed in the water the whole time.

40

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: And that,

well this could be a, an old I've heard,

41

and I believe experienced the water

amplifying the sun's effect on skin.

42

because you can start a fire with a bag

of water, like zip a Ziploc bag of water.

43

Do you know that if you

hold it in the sun, right?

44

Yeah.

45

That's a, that's a like survivalist,

fire starting technique is to, well The

46

one I saw was this guy peed in a bag,

but, and you hold it above like dried

47

tender and it's like a magnifying glass.

48

The sun will start it if it's dry enough.

49

one time I went swimming and it was

early afternoon and, I was putting

50

on what I thought was suntan lotion.

51

And this was back, this in the two

thousands, everyone wanted to look

52

orange, like the Paris Hiltons and

you know, like that that bunch.

53

And there was a, product called

tanning accelerator or accelerant.

54

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Yeah.

55

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: And I

guess it's sort of like putting

56

olive oil on meat before you put

it in, you know, like crisps it up.

57

And that's what I was putting on, not, so

I left and I start, I was feeling weird.

58

I knew, I was like, something's wrong.

59

I'm just real hot or something.

60

And was with this girl I

was dating at the time and.

61

We got in the car and I just looked

down at my arm and I was like, what?

62

I'm purple.

63

My skin had turned purple.

64

and you could tell that it was like

the blood up underneath the skin and

65

I was like, something is real bad.

66

Wrong.

67

And by that evening,

68

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: now.

69

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: yeah,

by that evening, that's the

70

worst sunburn I've ever had.

71

And it has made me, I have an abundance

of caution around the sun right now,

72

and I don't even burn that easy.

73

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: yeah.

74

Neither do I.

75

I had some virgin skin showing,

I don't really wear bathing

76

suit parts very out very often.

77

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320:

Where'd y'all go?

78

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: the

Mamee Bay State Park, their lodge,

79

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Yeah,

80

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319:

have a really a, a nice pool.

81

we went there and swam for the day, and

then we went and got haunted spaghetti

82

at the spaghetti warehouse in Toledo.

83

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Okay.

84

So what is haunted spaghetti?

85

Because I, I, you were sick and we were

texting, so I didn't ask you at the

86

time, but what is haunted spaghetti?

87

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: The, the

spaghetti warehouse, the restaurant

88

itself is supposedly haunted and

89

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Hmm.

90

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: really creepy.

91

It's real dark in there, and there's

like a subway car that there's

92

seating inside of it, and there's

like a, a giant wooden Indian and

93

just random artifacts that make, and

it just feels real spooky in there.

94

It

95

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Nice.

96

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319:

The food was good.

97

The f they, they brought all

the fresh bread we could eat.

98

Little loaves of bread.

99

We killed it.

100

our one friend got chicken, Alfredo.

101

Shanna got baked ziti and I got spaghetti

with meat sauce it was all delicious

102

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: I think I

might actually fix some spaghetti.

103

I've been eating the same pot of

beans for a week it's nice 'cause

104

they don't go bad for hardly anything.

105

You can, if you cook 'em, if

you cook a pot of beans, they'll

106

stay good for a long time.

107

But then, you know, it's hard to

make just a small amount of beans.

108

And so now I'm like a little over it.

109

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: yeah,

110

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: next thing

I fix, I'm gonna be carb loading.

111

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: yeah.

112

We make spaghetti,

sauce and giant batches.

113

enough to make six nights worth of dinner.

114

We get, we do the night that we make it,

and then we get five for the freezer.

115

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320:

You gave me some one time.

116

I remember Now, don't you make

yours, uh, you put butter in it?

117

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Uh,

that's, that's one way to make it.

118

It's an onion butter, tomato sauce.

119

That's,

120

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Yeah.

121

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: spaghetti.

122

That's not my spaghetti that I make.

123

my spaghetti is a meat sauce and it has

like uh, green bell peppers and garlic

124

and, crushed tomatoes and everything.

125

Gr uh, toasted garlic.

126

And I put all those

things in my spaghetti.

127

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Yeah.

128

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: the

other one, it was a New York Times.

129

It was like a sensation.

130

A lot of people made it.

131

It was basically you

brown an onion in butter

132

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Mm-hmm.

133

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: added

tomatoes to it and crushed it, and

134

made a sauce, and it was delicious.

135

You make it with angel hair.

136

Pasta is fantastic.

137

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Yeah, I

remember you gave me, because you

138

made a big batch of it and you,

you gave me a Tupperware of it.

139

What was the first thing

you learned to cook?

140

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319:

Uh, probably chili because my

141

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Hmm.

142

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319:

didn't go all out.

143

It was basically hamburger, a can

of beans and a packet of seasoning.

144

And that was pretty much her chili.

145

you made it with peanut butter sandwiches

and it was, that was what it was.

146

I still make it that way, but

I add, I added extra beans and

147

tomatoes and a onion and, you know,

added more beef and less liquid.

148

and then probably spaghetti is the

second thing I learned to make.

149

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Yeah, I

think, I remember my mom, she taught

150

me her spaghetti meat sauce recipe.

151

And, um, I still make that one.

152

I also have a, uh, creamy

mushroom, sauce I like to make.

153

and obviously cooking

can mean a lot of things.

154

So the first thing I cooked was

probably just boiling water and

155

putting ramen noodle packets in it.

156

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319:

Or grilled cheese.

157

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: yeah,

that was, I cooked that one

158

for David and Vanessa a lot.

159

and then I, we had pot pies

and I would, I would fix those.

160

the very first cooking I did

probably wasn't what I would

161

consider cooking now, even though

it's still, we were feeding people.

162

So, but actual recipe, it was

mom, she taught me her biscuits

163

recipe, her cornbread recipe,

and her, spaghetti meat sauce.

164

And my dad taught me his chili recipe.

165

He cooked actually quite a bit too.

166

she usually fixed most of the, the meals.

167

Her schedule was more his, his was so

under like, uh, irregular, but when

168

he did cook, you know, I mean, he,

he had his things he would make too,

169

and he really loved to make chili.

170

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: yeah.

171

My dad did too.

172

That's a coincidence.

173

But he would put like

14 kinds of meat in it.

174

He'd have like sausages and,

every, he'd put everything in it.

175

Okay.

176

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: I

actually recently started, I

177

don't, I'm not gonna say recently,

because I'm, I'm in my forties.

178

This was probably about 15

years, maybe 20 years ago now.

179

But I think I reached a certain

age where I started to want

180

to embellish my dad's recipe.

181

Um, and so I started putting in like,

uh, equal parts, like either, Italian

182

sausage or andouille sometimes,

183

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Yeah.

184

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: and, I

started making the, the, It's

185

not stock, but the liquidy part

186

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: My dad

187

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: with,

188

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: black coffee.

189

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: I

used, Guinness, like dark beer.

190

It's just got that, all that

yeast and, and flavor like the

191

barley and wheat and stuff in it.

192

And, V eight juice.

193

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319:

Sounds interesting.

194

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Yeah.

195

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319:

particular about sausage.

196

I can't eat most of it.

197

I'm just

198

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Oh, really?

199

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: about it.

200

Yeah.

201

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Is it texture?

202

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: and yeah.

203

It's, it's real, it's a no for me dog.

204

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Uh, we

grew up eating bologna a lot and now

205

I don't care for bologna that much.

206

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: me neither.

207

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: And

it's, it is also like, I'm, I

208

just don't care for that texture.

209

It's, it's a flat hotdog.

210

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Yeah.

211

I don't eat either of 'em, so.

212

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Oh yeah.

213

We ate a lot of ine sausages.

214

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Yeah.

215

We ate a lot of, there was a restaurant

that delivered called Jim Dandy, and

216

they had what the, a little special

called a Big Mo and a Coke, and

217

they were for a dollar, you got a, a

cheeseburger and a a, coke for a dollar,

218

and they would deliver and we would

order like 20 of 'em and we would chow

219

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: do you remember

when McDonald's did the 29 cent hamburger?

220

Wednesdays?

221

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Yep.

222

I sure do.

223

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: I

worked at McDonald's when they

224

started those, and it was bonkers.

225

People were coming through buying 60

to a hundred hamburgers at a time.

226

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: That's crazy.

227

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Yeah.

228

Uh, and they, I come to find out

like what they were doing was

229

freezing them and thawing 'em out

and eating them throughout the week.

230

Or taking 'em to school in their, the kids

would take 'em to school for their lunch.

231

But yeah, that very first day I was

working in the, at the McDonald's

232

in Williamsburg, they made us

make hundreds of hamburgers.

233

Like we, we had extra people on

shift just to churn out hamburgers

234

and I, it, it was surreal.

235

They were mountains of

hamburgers everywhere.

236

it, it's, I don't know, I don't think

I'll ever see anything like that again.

237

Actually, no, that's not true because

one time when I was, so, this time

238

I was like homeless as an adult.

239

I dropped outta college and, didn't

want to admit that I had done it.

240

So I.

241

got in my metro and drove

out to Western Kentucky.

242

Had a high school friend that

lived out there and was, I was

243

sleeping on her couch for a while.

244

But it was one of those, It wasn't

really a dorm, but it was like

245

leased through the university

that she attended type of thing.

246

And so her roommates told on me,

and as they should, you know, like

247

I wasn't paying money to be there,

you know, I shouldn't have been

248

sleeping on their couch, but I

didn't have anywhere else to sleep.

249

So I was sleeping in my car for a while.

250

This is how I got into

working at Bowling Alleys.

251

There's a bowling alley in,

Western Kentucky and Bowling Green

252

called Crescent Bowling Alley.

253

And a lot of semi-trucks would

leave, would park there overnight.

254

The long haul truckers would park there.

255

So I would just stick

my car in between 'em.

256

And I lived in that parking lot for.

257

A couple weeks and I would go in, in

the morning, take my toothbrush in there

258

and like wash and stuff when they open.

259

'cause that they opened at like

9:00 AM And so to like, kind of

260

as a ruse to be, to go in there.

261

I would ask the owner at the time,

the general manager and owner was

262

this gigantic dude named Teddy.

263

And he was always there and

I would say, Hey, you hiring?

264

And then go on to the bathroom

and like clean up and stuff.

265

And one day I walked in and he had

paperwork sitting out and he was like,

266

fill this out, can you start today?

267

I wasn't even really trying

to find a job at the time.

268

I was 19 years old, I wasn't

putting it together that I

269

was not in a good situation.

270

I was still like, this is fine.

271

I had a bunch of, dried, box food,

from Save-A-Lot, like the mac

272

and cheese things or whatever.

273

water is always boiling, so if you

just put that stuff in water, I'd

274

sit it in the dash of the car and

it would be soft after 20 minutes.

275

Just takes longer.

276

So I was, I thought I was just

kind of having a little adventure.

277

but he put me on.

278

The snack bar.

279

I could make tips that way,

he was like, you can get some

280

tips in your pocket this way.

281

people would do birthday parties

At bowling alleys, you know

282

this like everywhere that, that

they had something like that.

283

Yeah.

284

Well, somebody booked one with us.

285

It was huge.

286

We made hundreds of hot dogs and

hamburgers and they just never showed up.

287

We don't know if it was

like a prank or what.

288

we were stuck at this bowling

alley at, at closing time with

289

mountains of hamburgers and hot dogs.

290

And me and this other guy who was the

mechanic that night, we just bought them

291

all from the bowling alley for like 50

bucks a piece put them in his freezer and

292

that, we ate that for like six months.

293

and I got scurvy.

294

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: That's

295

Very often

296

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320:

That is a redneck

297

I didn't even believe the doctor when,

because I was starting to get like weirdly

298

sick and lost a shit load of weight.

299

And my, you know, teeth were like hurting

and my gums were like receding and stuff,

300

and I had sores in my mouth and I went to

the doctor and they're like, you have not

301

a stitch of vitamin C in your whole body.

302

When's the last time you ate a fruit?

303

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319:

304

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: last night.

305

But I didn't catch your name.

306

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Ha ha ha.

307

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Ha.

308

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: That's funny.

309

I just, McDonald's is not good.

310

Cold.

311

I can't imagine reheated.

312

It would be much better,

313

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: but I

do have a thing for, I love cold

314

leftovers now though, I just have a

thing for cold french fries or any

315

kind of fried potato outta the fridge.

316

I won't heat it up.

317

I just love to eat 'em cold.

318

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: huh?

319

' dash_4_09-05-2025_180320:

cause that was safe food.

320

If you are, if you're scavenging

food, if it's been in a refrigerator,

321

it's safer than, you know, I've

eaten pizza outta trash cans too.

322

you're really taking a gamble on that.

323

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: right.

324

Come here, Wenda.

325

On.

326

Hello.

327

She's been in a hyper mood

328

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320:

She got the Zoomies

329

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Uh, what passes

for Zoomies for a 14-year-old pug mix?

330

She doesn't move a whole lot,

but she's been energetic.

331

She's barked a lot today.

332

She scares you to death because she

doesn't have much hearing left, and you

333

come in the door and she'll be asleep on

the couch and she won't move a muscle.

334

And it's like she's laying there and we're

just like, I have to go over and like,

335

shake her to make sure she's still alive.

336

My face is so shiny.

337

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320:

It's kind of purple too, like

338

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: on,

339

on my back.

340

It's, there are purple splotches.

341

I got a blister on this shoulder over

here today, and it's like the size of a

342

dime and puffed up, like a marshmallow.

343

It's disgusting.

344

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320:

That's incredible, dude.

345

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: wife has

to help me put my bra on because of

346

the ones like I just keep blistering.

347

to help me dry off out of the shower

today, so I didn't burst 'em all open.

348

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320:

you gotta wipe it.

349

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: who's

willing to do gross things.

350

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320:

She works at a nursing home.

351

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Yeah.

352

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: You're ready?

353

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Yeah.

354

down for whatever.

355

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320:

Well, she loves you

356

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Yeah.

357

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: and she did

that to you because I know, I know.

358

It wasn't you that was like, let's

go out and hang out in the sun.

359

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319:

Well, no, 'cause I wanted to go

360

swimming and we were gonna go to

361

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Oh, okay.

362

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: 'cause

it was a little bit colder.

363

I hadn't been swimming in a

couple of years and I just had

364

the urge to be submerged in water.

365

I just wanted to float.

366

I wanted to take the pressure

off my body for a little bit.

367

it's been in the seventies or the, the

high sixties for like three weeks now.

368

And it was like almost

too cold to go swimming.

369

But the water was so warm.

370

Oh.

371

It was like bath water.

372

It was fantastic.

373

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320:

it was 45 here today.

374

Um, and windy, yeah.

375

It's too early for this shit.

376

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: You

377

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: keep,

378

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: here.

379

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320:

I think it got up to 50.

380

Not long ago, I was wearing like

a flannel and a jacket over it and

381

a, beanie when I went on my walk.

382

And I just, I, I think the older I get,

my joints, they don't like the cold,

383

so what am I,

384

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: that, my friend.

385

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: I know

I'm gonna get, I'm determined

386

to get a winter sport though.

387

some sort of winter activity, one I want

to learn about hockey, don't necessarily

388

wanna play it, but I want to understand

it and, and, you know, maybe get a team

389

to follow or something, you know, like

I haven't followed a sport in forever.

390

That would be fun.

391

And I, I think that that's the one

that they, that folks follow here.

392

' I mean, they have a, pro football

team, but I don't see people going

393

around like y are vikings, you know,

they're not that, it's not that

394

football e here and maybe the Vikings

just aren't that good of a team.

395

but it's, I think it may be cultural,

because the college ball's not

396

that big of a deal here either.

397

The gophers are the, the Minnesota team,

and I think they're Big 10 is there, if

398

I'm wrong, there'll be somebody in the

comments telling me and that's cool.

399

but that's my only reference to sports is.

400

college and professional football,

and I just need to branch out.

401

I need to see what they're into here.

402

So I'm gonna, I've decided

I'm gonna learn about hockey,

403

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: You are

404

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: I

don't, yeah, I'm gonna assimilate.

405

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319:

I sound so rattly.

406

I know it was really

tough to lecture today.

407

I had two classes and we were talking

about the second wave of feminism

408

and it was just like, I don't care.

409

I don't feel good.

410

I don't wanna be here.

411

I'm sunburned and blistered

and my, I'm coughing and, you

412

know, blowing my nose every five

minutes and I just wanna go home.

413

But we got through it and we had a pretty

good discussion today, so that was good.

414

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: You

wanna hear something weird?

415

the class that I don't like teaching

anymore, uh, I phrased that weirdly.

416

I don't enjoy teaching, feminism

or WGS after transitioning.

417

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Why?

418

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: I don't

know, I think I just don't like

419

talking about gender that much.

420

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Well, true

that, that's a lot of talk about gender.

421

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: yeah,

I think I'm maybe just tired

422

of the whole concept of gender.

423

You know, and I say this a lot

when ever people are like, trans

424

people only think about gender.

425

It's like, no, no, no, no.

426

We did this so we could stop

thinking about gender all the time.

427

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Right.

428

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Right?

429

it's you that won't shut up about

what is I've got in my pants.

430

You know?

431

This is me clocking out of

thinking about gender all the time.

432

so I realized I taught a course, at EKU

Uh, I hadn't taught it for a long time

433

and I was like, I really don't enjoy this.

434

I don't enjoy this.

435

I like the history part.

436

Love talking about the history of

social movements and like the, the work

437

that people did, but the discussion in

the classroom always centered around.

438

Gender so much, it was a combination

of not, no longer feeling like I held

439

the identities of somebody that should

be talking about it, and also just not

440

wanting to talk about gender anymore.

441

I don't know, I decided I'm

not gonna teach intro anymore.

442

The next WGS courses I taught were

like film, I taught like, uh, queer

443

cinema or something like that.

444

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: the

ethnic studies is the one that's

445

intimidating for me, because

that's not my area of expertise.

446

So I feel like I'm just like figuring

it out as I go, even though I've taught

447

it twice now, but I feel like it's

448

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Yeah.

449

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319:

from the first one, so.

450

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: I think

it's important for people who hold

451

dominant identities to get comfortable.

452

leading discussions around equity.

453

but there's such a danger for someone

with a dominant racial identity to be

454

leading discussions around racial justice.

455

that they almost certainly mean well,

but the moments where we mean the best

456

are sometimes where we do the most

damage because we haven't, finished

457

the work yet you ever get the feeling

somebody's giving you advice and

458

they're really just talking to themself,

459

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Yeah.

460

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: like

you're just giving yourself advice

461

right now and I'm here for it.

462

sometimes when a person is

early in social justice work.

463

And they begin to maybe wade

into deeper waters than they're

464

qualified for or ready for.

465

It kind of comes a little out.

466

Like they're only talking to

their own experience and that's

467

not what anybody's interested in.

468

know, the experience of the person

with the dominant identities,

469

that should never be the center

that you're coming at this from.

470

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Right.

471

I make it a point that I'm a

white woman talking about that.

472

That's one of the reasons I bring in

so many videos because I can never tell

473

you what it's like to be a black man,

but I can find a black man who's talking

474

about it and we can learn from him.

475

and that's one of the reasons I assign

so many readings and stuff, because

476

I don't wanna be some white lady

standing in the front of the room

477

saying, this is race and ethnicity,

478

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Mm-hmm.

479

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: I only

know the work that I have done.

480

Right.

481

I know what my black friends have told

me, my black peers and colleagues,

482

what I've read, what I've written.

483

the research that I've done and I'm

gonna do the best job that I can

484

here, but it's not gonna be perfect.

485

but we can definitely

learn from each other.

486

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: I think

that's why that like critical whiteness

487

framework is so potent because I

absolutely do think that people with

488

dominant identities need to be doing,

um, even, leading in some, arenas, But.

489

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: The people

who hold up the systems of racism,

490

of homophobia, the dominant culture,

the, the basically the white men.

491

if, if racism could have been

solved by black people, it

492

would've been solved by now.

493

And if sexism could be solved by

women, it would've been solved by now.

494

We need the people who are in power,

who have the cultural hegemony.

495

we need those people to do the work

to do the talking because white

496

people listen to other white people,

497

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Mm-hmm.

498

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319:

So it's, it's imperative.

499

We'll never make progress unless more

white people and more men get involved.

500

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Mm-hmm.

501

that was where I wound up when I was

thinking about not wanting to teach WGS

502

anymore, because I was like, yeah, I'm

sure that there's some, like discomfort

503

and, and maybe trauma related things

for me, not wanting to talk about that.

504

But a cis white passing man is precisely

who you need talking about gender equity

505

especially in a classroom in Kentucky,

506

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Right,

507

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: who's

gonna be listened to in that context?

508

so I, have like, gone back and

forth about, like, chickening

509

out, I guess, in a way of that,

or privileging my own comfort.

510

it's kind of a moot point now because

I'm not really in the classroom,

511

but I'm not gonna like, clock out

of having the discussions ' cause I

512

hold a ton of power and privilege.

513

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: right.

514

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: It's

mostly pretty privilege though.

515

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: I got into a

debate about that the other day, about

516

whether the, the privilege is real.

517

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Oh god.

518

People still out here doing that.

519

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Yeah.

520

The, the, the way that I set up the class,

because we're in week two right now,

521

and today this on Thursday, we talked

about privilege and we talked about what

522

privilege is not just white privilege,

but we talked about male privilege, able

523

bodied privilege, religious privilege,

wealth, privilege, age, privilege.

524

and we talked about how it's the

things that didn't systemically

525

make your life harder.

526

You know, I was born a woman,

has that made my life harder?

527

Fuck yes.

528

I was born white.

529

Has that made my life harder?

530

Absolutely not.

531

I was born gay.

532

Has that made my life harder?

533

Absolutely.

534

Maybe my mom would've come to my

wedding if I was straight, you know?

535

that with privilege.

536

You have to, it's about wielding it.

537

Right.

538

And understand.

539

Like, like Dr.

540

Phil taught us, one of the only useful

things he ever taught us is that if

541

you, if you have to acknowledge a

problem, if you don't acknowledge

542

the problem, you can't fix it.

543

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Mm-hmm.

544

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: And

so that's why you need people

545

to learn about privilege and to

understand that they have it.

546

Because then if you're a white man

and you're given all this privilege

547

and you get a raise at work or you

get a promotion, use that power to

548

bring up people of color behind you

or women or other people who , are

549

minorities in your workplace.

550

do that work.

551

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Because so much

of this is just on cruise control now.

552

the isms, the inequity of,

the American social structure.

553

they're features not bugs.

554

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Oh,

555

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: the

556

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: does

exactly what it's designed to do.

557

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Exactly,

it was built this way, purpose built

558

when a person benefits from these features

that are not bugs, they are not the evil

559

for having this benefit, but they are in

a position to do some good by pausing and

560

drawing attention to the, the feature.

561

It's hard though,

562

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Yeah.

563

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: just

to keep track of it all, I guess,

564

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Yeah.

565

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320:

because we are saturated in.

566

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319:

When you say racism is in

567

everything, it is in everything.

568

Everything.

569

And once you see it, you can't unsee it.

570

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Yeah.

571

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: I'm so

passionate about doing the job that I do.

572

I feel like, like I said, white

kids listen to white people.

573

cause I have one class that

is completely white, taking an

574

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Hmm.

575

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: class.

576

they all

577

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Cool.

578

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: anyway to me.

579

there's, there's no people of color

that are obviously people of color

580

in the room, or identified as such.

581

but I told them you probably had

some reservations about taking such

582

a class because you don't have an

ethnicity, you don't have a race

583

according to American culture.

584

Right.

585

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Hmm.

586

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: I got some

smiles from that because clearly they did.

587

I think it's important to be

having these conversations.

588

I'm glad that BG still requires that

they take a class in cultural studies,

589

because you know, it's important

information that we're teaching.

590

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: who knows

how much time that curriculum has left.

591

Although not to be weird, but, and, and I

don't wish anyone dies necessarily, but a

592

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: There are

593

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: a certain,

594

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: look

fondly upon their obituaries.

595

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: there's

a certain wannabe dictator that

596

could be on his last legs right now.

597

and things are only gonna get

weirder after that, in, in

598

whatever way it transpires.

599

There'll be a new challenge or

this will look a different way.

600

just saying nim nimble and, trying

to keep a sense of our humor, our,

601

a sense of, where we are as people

and why we really bother fighting.

602

This sometimes is only

gonna pay dividends.

603

And just investing in, young people or our

peers or our elders, whoever, in whatever

604

ways we can, that work is never wasted.

605

Gosh, we're just so passionate today.

606

Maybe we should spin this wheel,

what have you, it'll give us

607

something stupid to talk about.

608

It landed on hijinks.

609

Have we had that one?

610

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319:

I don't think so.

611

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Okay.

612

Hijinks.

613

What, what kind of word is hijinks?

614

First of all?

615

Like, I think I know what, what it, means,

but where does this, what is the en eth?

616

I almost said, uh,

entomology of that word,

617

Uh, etymology is, is,

yeah, entomology is bugs.

618

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Right.

619

I, I, there's a, there's

a joke in there somewhere.

620

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Hijinx refers

to boisterous, noisy and mischievous

621

merrymaking or carefree antics,

often playful and high spirited.

622

So you, I mean, I know that,

you were more on the, the, only

623

child track in, in some ways.

624

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: I

read, that's why I read so much.

625

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: but like

did you get into shit either though?

626

Like

627

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319:

when my brother made me.

628

Really?

629

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Yeah.

630

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Yeah.

631

I liked being inside with my books, and I

632

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Yeah.

633

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: crazy, but

that's, that's just what I liked.

634

I would come home from school and play

school on the porch with my friends.

635

There were two little girls.

636

we lived in, in a house from the time

I was in around first grade until, we

637

moved when I was in the sixth grade.

638

So those are pretty formative years.

639

And there were two girls that lived

on my block that we were pretty,

640

that I was pretty close with.

641

they would come over and we'd

play school right after school.

642

Like that's the kind of nerd that I was.

643

I didn't like climbing trees.

644

I didn't like getting dirty

besides playing softball.

645

if, and if it was softball

season, I was all about softball.

646

but otherwise I was pretty much about

homework and doing all that kind of stuff.

647

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: We were, I

was pretty much always around other

648

kids, either David and Vanessa or

our cousins who were all our age.

649

And we hung out all a lot,

especially when school was out.

650

And we would play these huge,

sprawling, sometimes complicated games,

651

Like there was the normal ones, you

know, like red light, green light.

652

We would play, Simon says we

would play statue, but then

653

we would also invent things.

654

And so one, I remember

there was a game we played.

655

this whole summer.

656

Every time we got together we would do

this thing where we would, I had this

657

one cousin who was always very skinny.

658

He was always really small.

659

And we would make a game where he would,

be a ventriloquist dummy and sit on

660

my, our older cousin's knee and they

would put together a ventriloquism

661

routine for the younger kids.

662

you know, you're really having a

great time when you're cackling.

663

A whole mess of kids is cackling

so, so big that the adults come

664

to see if you've like gotten into

something you ought not to be into.

665

so we played that all summer long

and I can still like, remember.

666

I just had this feeling at the,

uh, or an awareness that this

667

is not ever gonna happen again.

668

This is one of those things that

is like lightning in a bottle.

669

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Right.

670

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320:

It's never as funny.

671

The second time you can't

recreate that magic.

672

You grow up a little bit

every time in between.

673

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Well, my

cousins, I have 41 first cousins.

674

I have, I had 19 aunts and uncles before

you even started counting their spouses.

675

my parents, my three parents had

19 siblings between them, and of

676

the 41 cousins I'm next to last.

677

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Yeah.

678

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: So all my

cousins are getting in their sixties

679

and their late fifties, and I'm

still sitting back here at 47, and

680

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Yeah,

681

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: I was,

they carry, I have pictures of me

682

at their high school graduations and

they're carrying me around on their

683

hip they were cut my hair and dressed

me up and I was their little doll.

684

that's what made me so queer.

685

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320:

there, there's a,

686

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: roots.

687

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: yeah.

688

We played baseball a lot.

689

And, I got, my first like really

spectacular black eye was from

690

playing baseball with my cousins.

691

I get hit right in the eye

socket with a, a line drive.

692

Yeah.

693

When I was, I was maybe probably seven.

694

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: that happened

695

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Um,

696

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319:

he broke his orbital bone.

697

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: we didn't, I

didn't go to the doctor or anything, Man.

698

I'm just now thinking back like

how many times I should have gone

699

to the doctor for stuff when I was

a kid and we just didn't do it.

700

Like that was clearly a concussion.

701

I was unconscious for a long time.

702

Hijinks means something different

when you start to get older.

703

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: yeah.

704

'cause I'm thinking about times

with my best friends and things, but

705

maybe we shouldn't talk about on air.

706

Um, like I've not much

of a drinker at all.

707

I never really have been.

708

but one time my best friend, when we

lived in Huntington, she still lives in

709

Huntington, but I lived in Huntington,

West Virginia, and it was before

710

I had ever met Shanna or anything.

711

I lived in a h this big

old house by myself.

712

I had a girlfriend, but we broke up

and she moved out Tracy came and got

713

me and we were gonna go drinking and

we went to Applebee's of all places

714

and we sat at the bar at Applebee's

and she was buying and she got me

715

shit face drunk and she was driving

and she should not have been driving.

716

And there's an S-curve in Huntington, that

you had to go through to get to my house.

717

Uh, it's like a, a snaking little

s-curve that you have to slow down for.

718

And while we were in the Applebee's,

it started snowing pretty heavily.

719

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Oh no.

720

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Huntington

is famous for not getting the

721

road salted quickly enough.

722

And we went through that, that S-curve

and the car spun 360 all the way around.

723

And I was like glued to

the sides with my arms out.

724

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Oh, no.

725

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: yeah.

726

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: There was,

uh, so many, we had a bunch of field

727

parties when I was in high school.

728

Like that was we, or, and

729

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Yeah.

730

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320:

also in college house parties.

731

And field parties were the thing when

I was in college, everybody, you could

732

get a a keg of Natty Light for $120.

733

so we would all just put in five

bucks and get somebody's truck, put

734

it in the back of that, and then

take it out to the middle of a field.

735

And that's where we would have

that, our party that night.

736

that's the kind of thing, like I,

I do think fondly back on those, on

737

those nights, but I also, you couldn't

pay me to do that shit right now.

738

I'm not going to the field for a kegger.

739

Have you ever done a keg stand,

740

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Uh, no,

but I have done the ones, the funnel

741

where you did the, what is that

742

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: bong beer bong.

743

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Yeah.

744

How did I

745

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: I, I don't know.

746

I have done that one a few times

successfully, but really didn't enjoy it.

747

but there is something, well,

really, they're both kinda like this.

748

They're so, it's gonna sound crazy.

749

They're wholesome, because

it's a village, right?

750

Like you need, somebody has to

hold your legs up in the air.

751

Somebody else has to operate

the little plunger on the valve.

752

And, you know, people are holding

their hair up or something and

753

everybody's standing around cheering.

754

It's, it's such a stupid, stupid thing to

do, but You got the back scratcher out.

755

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Yeah,

756

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Does

it have a hand on the end?

757

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: no, I've

had this particular back scratcher.

758

I bought one, um, when I, for year I

met Shanna, I went to Pier one Christmas

759

shopping and they had these on the,

on the desk for a dollar a piece.

760

So I bought, uh, Tracy,

my best friend one.

761

I bought my mom one, I bought

me one and I bought one.

762

so this was 20 years ago.

763

And Tracy just broke hers like a year ago.

764

And my mom's was still at

her house when she died,

765

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: just

reminded me that you bought me one

766

of those when I got my top surgery.

767

Do you remember that?

768

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Yeah.

769

I had a friend that had also gone

through top surgery and I asked

770

him what he wished he had had and

he said, God, a back scratcher.

771

So that's what I got

772

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: It was, yeah.

773

It was incredible.

774

And I, as soon as I saw it,

I was like, that's genius.

775

That is somebody who's really

thinking about what the next,

776

at least week is gonna be like.

777

And like, and man, that

recovering from top surgery was.

778

I think about this often, it is one of

the most metal things I've ever done,

779

and I have, detoxed myself, you know,

from substances and and Sabrina was

780

with me for five days of it, but I was

so afraid of getting addicted to the

781

pain medicine that I stopped taking it.

782

I got what is called double incision.

783

So it's cut.

784

They cut me from armpit to armpit all

the way straight across, and I'm on, no

785

ma, I'm on no pain meds on day three.

786

And, and I had to fly.

787

I was in North Carolina, so I had to

fly by myself, go through TSA like that.

788

Uh, and it was just the most godawful

flight and you can't wipe your own ass.

789

It was, hardcore people think

that, uh, people are out here

790

transitioning just for the hell of it.

791

They are not.

792

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Yeah, so just

so they can go in the women's bathroom.

793

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Mm-hmm.

794

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: that's one thing

that I've always gotten compliments for.

795

I'm a pretty good gift giver.

796

I'm a thoughtful fifth

797

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320:

Yeah, absolutely.

798

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319:

one of my love languages.

799

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320:

I wish I was better at it.

800

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Do

you know your love language?

801

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320:

Uh, I don't know.

802

What are they?

803

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319:

I, I don't know them all.

804

I know that mine is

805

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Hang

on, let, let me look it up.

806

Is there a finite number of them or,

807

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319:

Yeah, I think so.

808

There's like seven or something like that.

809

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320:

five Love languages.

810

Okay, I clicked on a sponsored link.

811

God, what's gonna happen to me now?

812

This is called simple body something

or other words of affirmation.

813

acts of service.

814

Receiving gifts.

815

Receiving gifts is a love language.

816

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: That's weird.

817

I think giving gifts,

818

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Maybe

that's what this is supposed to say.

819

I think I'm on somebody's

shitty blog here.

820

Hang on,

821

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319:

my face is so shiny.

822

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Oh this?

823

No.

824

Oh, Candace Cameron and wants

me to take a love language quiz.

825

Oh my God.

826

Just tell me what they are.

827

What is happening.

828

I can't just Google something

because I want to know it . You

829

want to sell me something?

830

No.

831

Receiving gifts is a love

language to this person.

832

Nothing makes them feel as special

as receiving a well thought out gift.

833

So this is someone feels someone, okay.

834

I don't understand this.

835

If someone's love language is receiving

gifts, then you should give them a gift.

836

Okay, that makes sense.

837

Quality time, physical touch.

838

I am going to guess that

mine is quality time,

839

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Yeah,

840

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320:

but I don't know.

841

I don't,

842

yeah.

843

I like being around people, Yeah.

844

It's probably quality time.

845

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: mine is

definitely acts of service ' cause

846

it's like you show me that you

love me more than just tell me.

847

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Mm-hmm.

848

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: like

she had a helping me dry off this

849

morning after outta the shower.

850

That's an

851

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Yeah.

852

Help people with an errand if they're

busy, if they have something to do.

853

I am like the, the best thing

I have to give is my time.

854

That's probably, that's not actually

a really high recommendation.

855

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: I

enjoy spending time with you, so

856

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Aw.

857

It does seem like that's the, um,

like what I want outta somebody that

858

I really love is just them, you know,

I want to be, to have some access

859

to, my favorite part, I guess, is

having access to them and being, being

860

around them and getting to hear about

the things they're interested in.

861

So I guess that makes sense.

862

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: yeah.

863

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: I

gotta, I gotta come up with

864

some stuff to get for Christmas.

865

I've made a sudden commitment to go

home to Kentucky for Thanksgiving.

866

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Oh, nice.

867

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Because

that's when my family has Christmas.

868

They don't do Thanksgiving.

869

Yeah, they just have Christmas instead.

870

So we've lived apart for so long

Vanessa and her, kids, they come to

871

our parents' house for Thanksgiving

and then her husband, instead of

872

trying to do all the holidays twice,

they just split 'em up that way.

873

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: I've

lost several of my cousins.

874

Four of my first cousins I never met.

875

They died in a fire before I was born,

and I was, uh, named after one of them.

876

So there were two Rebeccas

in, in our family.

877

but the, the rest of them, so that

leaves the 37 left, they're all starting

878

to get older and starting to retire.

879

A lot of 'em are Trumpers, unfortunately.

880

and they don't get what I do whatsoever.

881

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: mm-hmm.

882

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: don't like

the, the news that I post or the links

883

that I post or, because that's how we

all stay in touch is Facebook these days,

884

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Yeah,

885

I don't, well, and my Facebook's all fake.

886

It's mostly podcasting people on

there and some, some coworkers.

887

But, um,

888

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: one for, you

know, however long Facebook's been,

889

since 2007 or whatever it's been.

890

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: I think

the other, the last one I had

891

is still out there somewhere.

892

I don't know how long before

they deactivate themselves, but

893

it also wasn't my real name.

894

I remember when, so David had a Facebook,

and you can memorialize a Facebook,

895

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319:

Yeah, we did that to my mom's.

896

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: but you, you

have to have certain details of it.

897

and we didn't know them, so I kept

getting, notifications from his Facebook,

898

at first I just, uh, unfriended him and

then it kept suggesting him as a friend.

899

And then, people would tag me, the, the

hero worship after he died, people would

900

tag me in his Facebook in it, and we just

couldn't get Facebook to shut it down.

901

And so I just, got rid

of that whole account.

902

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Wow.

903

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: But I think it.

904

an account will of its own

accord maybe expire if you

905

leave it dormant long enough.

906

I don't know that for sure.

907

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: I, I made

it a point because I didn't want

908

my dad's girlfriend to get in mom's

'cause he was still using her account.

909

I really did it to piss off my dad because

it blocked his access to his games and he

910

had millions of tokens saved up and that

911

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Oh,

912

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: thing.

913

And I was so mad at him

for getting a girlfriend.

914

I shut it off.

915

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: have you

ever changed somebody's password on

916

like a shared account or something?

917

Uh, I can't remember if I have either.

918

You know what I realized the other

day is like if we ever get famous,

919

there's gonna be people who knew

me back when I was a total scumbag

920

coming out trying to cancel us.

921

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Yeah.

922

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320:

have you listened to the show?

923

Like everybody knows what

a dirt bag I used to be.

924

Good luck coming up with something that

I haven't already said about myself.

925

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Right.

926

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: man, I'm so

happy to not be that generation that's

927

grown up with face or with social media,

928

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Oh man.

929

Yeah,

930

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: the cringe

that these people are having to, can

931

you imagine being, you know, 30 looking

back on a social media account you had

932

when you were 10 and going like, golly,

who was letting me say that stuff?

933

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Yeah, I

had a, 'cause I will sometimes Google

934

students and I tell them that if

you send me an email that's stupid

935

enough, I'll probably email you.

936

or if you piss me off or whatever,

I'm gonna see what's out there.

937

And I found a kid who, on his Twitter,

it looked like it hadn't been updated

938

in like five years or something,

but he had used the n word in

939

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Oh God.

940

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: And

I wa I, I was like, maybe you

941

should do something about that.

942

And he was like, oh my God, oh

my God, I didn't know this was

943

out there, blah, blah, blah.

944

And I was like,

945

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Well, and

dude being on like gay social apps or

946

dating apps or something like that.

947

Especially, you know, I had a, uh, have

had a grinder or grinder accounts off and

948

on and just, I've made friends that way.

949

I've made friends on OkCupid as well.

950

like, you could set your filters and stuff

so that you can't see people in a certain

951

age range and they can't see you either.

952

But I discovered when I started going to

work specifically in lgbtqia twos plus

953

work, they will find a way around it.

954

They'll create burner accounts or

they'll lie about their age because

955

it's on the honor system and.

956

There was one that contacted me.

957

It took me a minute to figure out

who it was, but they had their

958

social links on their Grindr profile.

959

Can you imagine being just

that out here I was so naive,

960

I didn't realize what it was.

961

And people, it was a porn Twitter account.

962

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Oh God.

963

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Yeah.

964

And so I was like, okay,

that's enough grinder.

965

That's enough Grindr for me.

966

Never again.

967

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319:

a dating app in my life.

968

my

969

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Yeah.

970

Well,

971

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319:

got together before.

972

That was a thing.

973

I don't

974

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: some of

975

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319:

swipe left or swipe right.

976

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: I've

made friends, on Grindr who, 'cause

977

some people are actually on there

to make friends because it's the

978

only place you can actually know

you're gonna talk to gay people.

979

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Right.

980

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: so yeah,

it's a hookup app, but some of them

981

who put friends only in their profile

actually mean that, and it's just

982

an a because there's not gay bars.

983

And even if there were, I probably

wouldn't go to one if it's here in town

984

because my students would be at it.

985

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Yeah.

986

yeah, we met at a friend's party.

987

She came over to hang out and I

happened to be there and we sat in

988

the floor and laughed for hours and

basically I haven't separated since.

989

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Didn't

you, you, you turned or didn't you?

990

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319: Yeah, she was

the token straight girl in a circle of

991

gay people, and now most of them have

gone straight and she's the token gay one.

992

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320: Oh, hell yeah.

993

beck_4_09-05-2025_190319:

yeah, we surprised 'em all.

994

None of 'em thought we

would make it this far.

995

And here we are better than ever.

996

dash_4_09-05-2025_180320:

I dated somebody.

997

I had started dating this girl

for one month when David died.

998

she hadn't even met my family yet.

999

She met them because he died.

00:37:31,334 --> 00:37:34,985

that kind of, I think probably

like impacted what the re the rest

00:37:34,985 --> 00:37:36,335

of that relationship was like.

00:37:36,335 --> 00:37:37,648

00:37:37,860 --> 00:37:39,510

a way it wasn't bad though.

00:37:39,510 --> 00:37:41,550

It was the, you know what

killed that relationship.

00:37:41,550 --> 00:37:42,570

Fucking grad school.

00:37:42,570 --> 00:37:42,860

00:37:42,860 --> 00:37:43,340

00:37:43,340 --> 00:37:46,940

Grad students are, listen listeners,

can you, which camera do I look in?

00:37:46,940 --> 00:37:47,750

Is this my camera here?

00:37:47,990 --> 00:37:49,430

Do not date a grad student.

00:37:51,860 --> 00:37:53,390

We are the absolute worst.

00:37:53,960 --> 00:37:56,780

If your partner says they're gonna

go to grad school, say, all right,

00:37:56,780 --> 00:37:57,710

I'll see you when you're done.

00:37:58,495 --> 00:38:02,005

The just know it all snot knows

bullshit that we get into almost

00:38:02,005 --> 00:38:03,685

immediately when we go to grad school.

00:38:03,685 --> 00:38:05,815

I don't know what, I don't

know what gets into us, but I

00:38:05,815 --> 00:38:06,985

think it's imposter syndrome.

00:38:06,985 --> 00:38:07,973

Yeah, definitely.

00:38:08,000 --> 00:38:09,770

remember that fear of everybody's

00:38:09,770 --> 00:38:11,000

else is smarter than me.

00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:11,390

00:38:11,655 --> 00:38:11,945

00:38:12,020 --> 00:38:14,270

to be here and I'm, I shouldn't be.

00:38:14,719 --> 00:38:14,779

00:38:14,809 --> 00:38:16,219

definitely felt that a lot.

00:38:16,219 --> 00:38:19,429

I was, I was the first person in my

family to graduate from high school,

00:38:19,489 --> 00:38:24,079

and, and so to be there in, in a

master's program and then a PhD program,

00:38:24,079 --> 00:38:27,949

it was so far from anything that I

had ever even imagined for myself.

00:38:27,949 --> 00:38:28,549

it, it really

00:38:28,594 --> 00:38:28,864

00:38:28,939 --> 00:38:29,779

a lot like imposter.

00:38:29,779 --> 00:38:31,039

Like I didn't belong there.

00:38:31,039 --> 00:38:31,579

I showed up.

00:38:31,579 --> 00:38:32,059

Anyway,

00:38:32,059 --> 00:38:32,479

00:38:32,479 --> 00:38:34,369

me, don't threaten me with a good time.

00:38:34,369 --> 00:38:36,649

that's a good time to hear

00:38:36,649 --> 00:38:38,749

from, uh, this week's sponsor.

00:38:38,749 --> 00:38:42,589

Today's episode is brought to

you by the unofficial garment

00:38:42,589 --> 00:38:44,479

of rural queers everywhere.

00:38:44,479 --> 00:38:45,799

Flannel shirts it.

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00:38:47,021 --> 00:38:49,691

parts, badge of honor and armor.

00:38:49,691 --> 00:38:52,421

Flannel enthusiasts of all

genders and sexualities.

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Love it for its simplicity,

versatility, and dependability.

00:38:55,901 --> 00:38:57,101

You can chop wood in it.

00:38:57,131 --> 00:39:00,101

You can kiss girls in it, and you

can attend Thanksgiving in it,

00:39:00,101 --> 00:39:02,963

and your grandma will just sigh

and say, at least you look warm.

00:39:02,963 --> 00:39:05,753

If you're overcome with the desire

to blend in with the furniture at a

00:39:05,753 --> 00:39:07,613

family reunion, just put on a flannel.

00:39:07,613 --> 00:39:10,463

You can head straight to the gay bar

afterwards and be signaling every

00:39:10,463 --> 00:39:14,093

queer within a five mile radius,

same flannel, just with one less

00:39:14,093 --> 00:39:15,503

button and both sleeves rolled up.

00:39:15,503 --> 00:39:19,283

A nice plaid flannel shirt performs

the magic trick of somehow being both

00:39:19,283 --> 00:39:23,153

camouflage and queer Beacon shielding

you when needed with just enough

00:39:23,183 --> 00:39:26,573

plausible deniability or shouting

to the treetops like some bird of

00:39:26,573 --> 00:39:28,283

paradise performing for its mate.

00:39:28,283 --> 00:39:31,553

This works in a wide variety

of cross-functional situations.

00:39:31,553 --> 00:39:32,333

Button it up.

00:39:32,333 --> 00:39:36,593

All the way for choir practice

conservative or wear it unbuttoned over

00:39:36,593 --> 00:39:40,883

a tank top for that tractor supply sic

aesthetic tied around your waist, paired

00:39:40,883 --> 00:39:45,083

with a backwards baseball hat, and you'll

ascend to bisexual God status this fall.

00:39:45,083 --> 00:39:48,383

Skip the mall and head to the

safe haven of yard sales for

00:39:48,383 --> 00:39:50,393

the price of one sad ice latte.

00:39:50,393 --> 00:39:54,263

You can thrift three flannels that

already smell faintly of chainsaw oil

00:39:54,263 --> 00:39:56,543

and woodsy twists when you put one on.

00:39:56,573 --> 00:39:57,863

You're not just getting dressed.

00:39:57,893 --> 00:40:00,713

You're joining a lineage of queer

rednecks who've been finding each

00:40:00,713 --> 00:40:05,033

other across bonfires, hay rides

and tractor pools for generations.

00:40:05,033 --> 00:40:07,763

Flannel, not just a

fabric, but a lifestyle

00:40:07,763 --> 00:40:08,543

00:40:08,543 --> 00:40:09,803

I love my flannels.

00:40:09,803 --> 00:40:10,288

It's almo,

00:40:10,333 --> 00:40:11,053

00:40:11,053 --> 00:40:11,353

Now,

00:40:11,428 --> 00:40:11,848

00:40:11,848 --> 00:40:12,448

00:40:12,763 --> 00:40:15,283

borrowed from, my niece's boyfriend.

00:40:15,283 --> 00:40:18,703

He had moved out and left a few things

and he left my favorite flannel.

00:40:18,703 --> 00:40:21,253

I stole it right on out

from, from that pile.

00:40:21,253 --> 00:40:21,938

00:40:21,938 --> 00:40:23,228

What is it about a good flannel?

00:40:23,279 --> 00:40:23,667

00:40:23,667 --> 00:40:25,047

don't know, but it really does

00:40:25,047 --> 00:40:26,667

feel like I'm, untouchable.

00:40:26,667 --> 00:40:27,477

Nobody can get me.

00:40:27,477 --> 00:40:28,017

Now,

00:40:28,017 --> 00:40:28,377

00:40:28,377 --> 00:40:31,497

I've collected quite a few over the

past couple of years, but I live in

00:40:31,497 --> 00:40:33,387

the fucking North Pole, you know,

00:40:34,550 --> 00:40:35,960

me what I wanted for Christmas and

00:40:35,960 --> 00:40:37,280

I said I wanted some new flannels.

00:40:37,280 --> 00:40:37,838

00:40:37,838 --> 00:40:40,099

living that, dyke legacy, somebody

00:40:40,099 --> 00:40:42,469

called me a bull dyke once.

00:40:42,469 --> 00:40:44,509

And I had never heard that.

00:40:44,509 --> 00:40:47,119

, I think what hurt my feelings about it

though was because I'd never heard it

00:40:47,119 --> 00:40:50,059

before and I'm like, how dare you call

me something I've never even heard of,

00:40:50,694 --> 00:40:52,824

like a new slur at this point in my life.

00:40:52,824 --> 00:40:57,277

What is what They can do that, but

I, I don't know what the ballpark is.

00:40:57,277 --> 00:40:57,877

Watch me Google.

00:40:57,877 --> 00:41:01,837

This is Candace Cameron Berg gonna come

at me again over the next thing I Google.

00:41:02,060 --> 00:41:02,260

00:41:02,498 --> 00:41:03,282

seems like the type.

00:41:03,282 --> 00:41:05,912

etymology of dyke and bull Oh, this

00:41:05,912 --> 00:41:08,042

is a Taylor in Francis article,

00:41:08,042 --> 00:41:11,117

it says Obscure origin, so

nobody knows where it came from.

00:41:16,117 --> 00:41:16,642

You remember how.

00:41:17,557 --> 00:41:22,147

There was a fad in the

00:41:22,147 --> 00:41:26,017

Everyone going around saying,

I identify as such and such.

00:41:26,017 --> 00:41:27,127

I'm glad we don't do it anymore.

00:41:27,157 --> 00:41:30,607

'cause it's super problematic and

you know, just asking people to

00:41:30,607 --> 00:41:33,607

know a lot about themselves and

share that openly with people.

00:41:33,607 --> 00:41:36,847

So I would, the first, the only

time I've ever encountered it was

00:41:36,847 --> 00:41:39,787

there at BG and I think it was

just that moment in time at bg.

00:41:39,787 --> 00:41:42,907

And so I would always come out with

something unhinged to say I identify

00:41:42,907 --> 00:41:47,526

as, and I started saying, I identify

as a white trash dyke they hated it.

00:41:47,526 --> 00:41:47,976

They did not.

00:41:47,976 --> 00:41:50,826

I mean, Tobias thought it was

funny, but he was the only one.

00:41:51,615 --> 00:41:54,045

well, did you bring a noun of

Appalachian interest with you?

00:41:54,150 --> 00:41:54,690

00:41:54,690 --> 00:41:56,310

I brought an interesting one today.

00:41:56,310 --> 00:41:57,240

It's a place.

00:41:57,576 --> 00:41:58,176

All right.

00:41:58,358 --> 00:41:58,868

right, y'all.

00:41:58,868 --> 00:42:01,958

It's time for another installment of

Nouns of Appalachian interest, where

00:42:01,958 --> 00:42:05,078

we celebrate the people, places,

and things that make Appalachia.

00:42:05,078 --> 00:42:05,468

Well.

00:42:05,498 --> 00:42:09,850

Appalachia, noun is a place, one

that's equal parts, fancy, historic,

00:42:09,880 --> 00:42:11,590

and just a tiny bit suspicious.

00:42:11,590 --> 00:42:13,150

Let's talk about the Green Briar.

00:42:13,476 --> 00:42:16,656

Green Briar is a luxury resort in

white sulfur springs, West Virginia,

00:42:16,656 --> 00:42:20,226

is at least three times older than

00:42:20,226 --> 00:42:21,576

your favorite pair of tennis shoes.

00:42:21,576 --> 00:42:25,506

It's got white columns, manicured gardens,

and enough chandeliers to make Liberace

00:42:25,506 --> 00:42:27,216

look like he was decorating on a dare.

00:42:27,417 --> 00:42:30,777

the real kicker beneath the Southern

charm is a massive Cold War era

00:42:30,777 --> 00:42:36,147

secret 112,000 square foot underground

bunker built to hide the entire US

00:42:36,147 --> 00:42:38,637

Congress in case of nuclear disaster.

00:42:38,637 --> 00:42:38,967

Yep.

00:42:38,967 --> 00:42:42,777

While guests were upstairs playing

croquette and sipping tea, the government

00:42:42,777 --> 00:42:46,917

was quietly, stockpiling cots, canned

food, and enough bottled water to

00:42:46,917 --> 00:42:48,987

float a bass boat for over 30 years.

00:42:48,987 --> 00:42:52,437

This bunker was one of America's

most clo, closely guarded secrets

00:42:52,437 --> 00:42:54,327

code name project, Greek Island.

00:42:54,327 --> 00:42:57,447

It had its own radio station,

a hospital and a power plant.

00:42:57,447 --> 00:43:00,267

The walls were three feet of

reinforced concrete designed

00:43:00,267 --> 00:43:01,897

to, withstand a nuclear blast.

00:43:01,927 --> 00:43:04,957

And yet it was hidden behind

a literal fake door that

00:43:04,957 --> 00:43:06,547

said, high voltage keep out.

00:43:06,547 --> 00:43:09,277

Because apparently in the Cold

War, the best security system was

00:43:09,277 --> 00:43:10,807

just making something look boring.

00:43:11,227 --> 00:43:13,357

whole thing stayed hush hush

until the nineties when the

00:43:13,357 --> 00:43:14,977

Washington Post spilled the beans.

00:43:14,977 --> 00:43:18,667

Now you can actually tour it, walk past

rows of dorm style bunk beds, and stand in

00:43:18,667 --> 00:43:22,267

the meeting room where in theory, Congress

would've been legislating in their pajamas

00:43:22,267 --> 00:43:23,857

while the world above was in chaos.

00:43:23,857 --> 00:43:26,737

So yeah, the green Bit Briar isn't

just a pretty place to play golf.

00:43:26,737 --> 00:43:29,887

It's living proof that in Appalachia,

we don't just build resorts, we

00:43:29,887 --> 00:43:30,917

build them apo apocalypse ready.

00:43:31,357 --> 00:43:32,437

00:43:32,437 --> 00:43:33,637

I didn't know that.

00:43:33,637 --> 00:43:33,847

00:43:33,922 --> 00:43:34,672

00:43:34,775 --> 00:43:35,135

00:43:35,270 --> 00:43:36,669

Greenbriar resort.

00:43:36,669 --> 00:43:37,389

Okay.

00:43:37,389 --> 00:43:38,709

Oh, it's beautiful.

00:43:38,709 --> 00:43:39,129

00:43:39,386 --> 00:43:43,706

And there's a, a total 112,000 square foot

bunker it built into the bottom of it.

00:43:43,736 --> 00:43:44,186

And

00:43:44,321 --> 00:43:45,221

you rent out the bunker?

00:43:45,379 --> 00:43:46,579

oh, I don't know about that.

00:43:46,579 --> 00:43:50,047

But if there were to be like, some

kind of national emergency, they

00:43:50,047 --> 00:43:51,307

were all supposed to go there.

00:43:51,307 --> 00:43:53,797

I believe the new one is

under the Denver airport.

00:43:53,797 --> 00:43:55,957

about to ask, is this current?

00:43:55,957 --> 00:43:56,197

00:43:56,242 --> 00:43:56,872

00:43:56,947 --> 00:43:58,297

think it's out of commission.

00:43:58,297 --> 00:43:58,987

00:43:58,987 --> 00:43:59,737

Interesting.

00:43:59,797 --> 00:44:01,207

That is so cool.

00:44:01,207 --> 00:44:02,167

I love shit like that.

00:44:02,372 --> 00:44:05,822

We can, we can make a reservation there

and go ride around in a horse buggy.

00:44:05,822 --> 00:44:06,902

That would be awesome.

00:44:06,902 --> 00:44:07,872

I do wanna tour it one day.

00:44:08,179 --> 00:44:08,779

00:44:08,779 --> 00:44:11,509

I don't know how to play golf, so

I'd just be a, a menace out there.