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Episode 1010th April 2024 • Afraid to Ask • Afraid to Ask
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Speaker:

check 1 2 well hello there boyfriend how are you

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it's fine day I'm really good is it working

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yes excellent let's not talk shit

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I'm afraid to ask but I have a great question

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I don't even know what I was gonna say

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I'm so disturbed right now

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you brought up a very interesting point

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I did is afraid to ask oh

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hi yeah

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hi well Jamie Doctor Erica

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you were up a really interesting point last time

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we're talking point and or opinion oh

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and that is what you said something about

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you would never do something blacked out or

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or someone cheated on so

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did you say something like someone cheated on someone

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and their excuse was yes

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so tell me what that was well

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so I was in college and I had a guy friend

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he was like upset

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he's like my girlfriend cheated on me and I was like

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fuck that bitch right

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end of story you think it's done and he's like no no no

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no she's a great person

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and she was just like really drunk

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like blackout drunk and I was like

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so blackout that her like clothes got ripped off

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and she just opened her vagina

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and fell onto a hard dick

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and he say yes

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and then kept it pumping and he was like

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pretty much she just like

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really enjoyed every thrust

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she's I'm getting angry and I was like

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he saying she didn't remember it

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no no

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no it was consensual

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but she put blackout blackout where she like had no

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I don't know this sounds moral conscious and was like

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I just I forgot I was dating someone for two years

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so just part of her blacked out

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just the part that was committed excuse

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for me it's like if I'm gonna do something

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I'm gonna do it sober I'm gonna do it drunk

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I'm gonna do it high I'm gonna do it wherever yeah

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because there's a certain level where you just say no

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like I'm not gonna get so drunk

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I'm just gonna go kill somebody

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yes this girl

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her excuse was I am such a nice girl

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I would never cheat on you

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but when I'm drunk

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my vagina just likes to make friends with every dick

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it sees yes

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let me slow this down he believed her

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don't and stay on this tie guy we keep talking about

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this is really important

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there's so many problems with her story black

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if she was truly blackout drunk

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she wouldn't even tell him she cheated on him

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or she wouldn't remember she wouldn't even remember

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he would he would

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or maybe he finds out and she's oh my goodness

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I don't even know

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but there's like a thing called the brown out

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which is where you like

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flashing and out of consciousness

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and you remember things that are

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yeah but I think a brown out is a thing right

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I mean that maybe that's a

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that's jargon or urban dictionary

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but it means like you remember some stuff

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I never heard of that this is where you

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have you ever been blacked out and I would know

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I wouldn't remember okay

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have you ever been partially blacked out

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where you kind of have flashes of the night

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I might have been beiged out no

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no you told me

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didn't you tell me

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once you cleaned your whole house blacked out

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so but the

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but so that I remember so again

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I don't know what shade of like gray do you remember

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so you had a party I get shit

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you woke up the whole house was clean

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do you remember any of it

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the definition of like

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super drunk is a couple drinks where I'm like silly

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but like I'd never fall into a penis

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if someone asks me a question

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I might remember

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but I wouldn't remember the whole conversation

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and I like to clean so I got stressed out

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I hosted a party and all of my guests left

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and I was very happy and intoxicated

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so I basically cleaned my whole house with a toothbrush

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and I woke up to like magic elves

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I was like oh

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they cleaned it I don't remember

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so no memory cleaning

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but I don't remember 4 hours of cleaning

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I just remember being happy that I think is a brown up

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could be wrong but I like so I remember the dick

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I just remember the first thrust not all of them

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aren't you still guilty then

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wow

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yes of course you are yes

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I agree I think that you

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I have a crazy medical question

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that blackout is defined differently by people

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blackout I think means you totally don't remember

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but you're right she clearly remembered

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to say that she had sex with somebody

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I'm gonna spring a medical question needed

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I would guess has no answer

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so no pressure boy

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I would say this has no answer

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didn't feel like working today but go ahead

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I would say there's there's no so I I agree with you

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I don't think

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people would do things that they wouldn't normally do

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when they are drunk let's not even say blacked out

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let's just say like really really drunk

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I think your inhibitions are lower

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but if you truly

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I don't think you cheat on somebody you really

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really love if you're super drunk

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unless you were gonna anyway

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you would do it sober too

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yeah

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I would do it sober cause I'd be able to drive home

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make sure I covered all my bases

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and she wouldn't find out

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thought Plan B ahead of time right so I think the prom

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the problem is

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it feels like a lie like a cop out to be like

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oh I drank too much forgive hundred percent because

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yeah I've done stupid stuff drunk versus sober

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but I've never done something

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I wouldn't do in other circumstances

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killing someone is the ultimate example

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well that's why I said that

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I know that's extreme but I feel like cheating is too

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like it's so disrespectful to be like

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I had a great night out with the girls

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and the bartender he was naked

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so I had to help him out no

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you didn't you know

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I feel crazy today she sucked

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you know I feel crazy today

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right and

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you probably know what

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this medical question coming up is

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I don't know the medical question

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but I know why you feel kind of inebriated

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yeah cause I had a colonoscopy yesterday

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yeah and I know many people have had colonoscopies ah

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but it was there was a lot of very unexpected things

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I had a night of prep which a lot of people have had

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and you drink clear stuff

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like 24 hours of clear stuff before the um

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there's so much to talk about here

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what I was gonna go to was

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let me tease a little bit

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I think we talked about it for

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I have a real problem with any sort of

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bodily functions in front of someone

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I'm dating even had problems when I was married

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doing about other things in front of someone

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and when you prep for a colonoscopy

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you are encouraging

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you are about to have some bodily problems

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some things are gonna happen

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because the goal is to have the stuff coming out of you

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be clear and I'm talking all of it

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so you're taking

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like a year's worth of this laxative and whatever

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and you're gonna and so I was gonna stay in a hotel

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and we decided

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we're gonna take a relationship with the next level

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and I was gonna stay at your house

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but you found a bathroom for me

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an upstairs bathroom if I had to and this is really

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I was uh it's an uncomfortable night I enjoyed um

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I enjoyed the fasting part

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there were moments when I was starving

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it's like I think I didn't eat for 30 hours

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most people actually complain about that

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more than anything else even more than the prep did

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you know that

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they complain that they can't eat for a day

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most patients get more mad about that

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than even having diarrhea

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you know the minute you talk it's so mental

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it's so mental

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because we were sitting in your office and you thought

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I could eat till 6 p m

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uh huh and we were like what should we get for lunch

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and I was on Uber Eats looking at the Greek place

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I was gonna order

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and surprise you from the Greek place

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and then you texted the um

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your butthole the butthole guy and you said you go hey

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and he goes

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oh Jamie can't eat it eat it all that's a somewhere

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Jamie sounds like your pin pal

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we saw a license plate yesterday in Ohio

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in Ohio Idaho

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this is wow

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I listen my excuse

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are you so fucked up from yesterday

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for anything that happens today

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that's why I wanted to get to

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so anyway everybody knows about this prep

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well we've been over it

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at least you'd say the same stuff

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as you would if you were sober

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cause that's my question what's your question

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so I anyway

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prep was interesting

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prep was interesting I did the deed

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I drank all the

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oh

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but the thing was as soon as you told me I couldn't eat

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starving yeah

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upset yeah

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do you know they say that about smoking

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do you know how about everything

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we don't like to be told no

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do you know mental smoking is

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do you know

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there are smokers that smoke packs of cigarettes a day

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but they fly on airplanes

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bunch of people that fly an airplane smoke cigarettes

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they don't go to the bathroom and smoke though

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it's because you can't smoke on an airplane

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it's not up to them

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there's a lot of like cognitive behavioral therapy

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to quit smoking is like

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learning that when you are in certain situations

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and you're not allowed to

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you don't you're not struck with the crazy urge

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so diets always fail too

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yeah but soon as you told me I couldn't eat or starving

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and then I went then it got better

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that's I had some chicken broth

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it was amazing I wake up one guy

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I got a point

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I got a point I don't drink

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I've been drinking many many years

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I don't do

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I did a little bit iowasca three times in my life

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but I feel like that was very specific

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it was under a lot of guidance

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it was very therapeutic

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there's nothing fun and partyish about it

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I had a guide like professionals

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I did it with medical staff around me

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so I did Iowaska marijuana

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I just

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I used to take a tiny bit at night to go to sleep

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I stopped that because one night

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you called me and I started a huge fight over nothing

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or there was a huge misunderstanding

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and I go I don't wanna like not have my brain any more

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so I stopped in that

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you would have fought with me sober too

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but continue yeah

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so

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I guess I didn't think about the fact that there was a

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did I miss something oh

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but I guess I didn't think about the drunk

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the drunkish fucked up aspect

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yeah post and also very

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very heavy hitter

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prescription IV medications used for sedation

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do you think drug addicts

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recovering drug addicts

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some of them say do it with nothing

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we've had patients ask to have very light sedation

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or even just gas because

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they're very concerned about the high that they'll get

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and then the flip side

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patients who abuse drugs actively

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require a much higher dose

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so we need them to be honest

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so we give the appropriate amount

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so they're not uncomfortable during the procedure

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or awakened writhing on the table

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you know colonoscopy is not fun

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but it's not as invasive as like open heart surgery

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right

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so there's a varying degrees of how safe you have to be

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but yes in general

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if you have drug addiction or sobriety

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both of those really matter

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and that's why they ask you these questions

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right before they take you back

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because

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they have to be prepared for what kind of patient

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they're gonna be and estheizing

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that's a good point you know what though

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what they didn't ask me that question

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well yes

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they did they didn't say

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did you ever have an issue

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they said do you drink

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I don't know they asked current

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but what if I had an issue with it with someone

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I quit for 10 years they didn't

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they didn't yeah

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they don't they ask about active drug alcohol

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tobacco use yeah

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what if I was a I guess

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that would be my responsibility to bring that up

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that's not a doctor's prior though

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that has past medical history

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and usually it will say alcohol abuse or drug abuse

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I just didn't look at it did you just say I'm fine

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yeah and I wouldn't consider

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I don't know if I can say I'm not

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I never want to like rehab or anything like that

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I probably would have been would have felt okay with it

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it really is for patients

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like pain medication patients will say gosh

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I'm recovering um

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patient who struggled with drug addictive tendency

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so I'd like to avoid this at all cost

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and that's really nice for me to know

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so I can prescribe medicine that's more appropriate

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and won't unfortunately

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give them a little bit of something that makes them

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perhaps rebound so

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but your butthole was fine

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that was the great news

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but I will tell you in this might

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so I meant like in general

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with the medicine they gave you

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yeah and you

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you told me that

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you had told me that before I even had the colonoscopy

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that you thought my no

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actually my exact words were

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how does it feel knowing one of my very good friends

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will know you much more intimately than I do

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because he probably around in your butthole

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which is something I never intend to do

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so my fear I understand my fear going in was absolutely

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I don't think it was the invasiveness

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cause I knew I would be put out

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that's happened to me before

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I've done the

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I have a point all this by the way

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something you don't know I think and so I took this

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I've done that for his magic

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I took it and I woke up in the surgery was done

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I had that once before in my life

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so I only

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had this fear that I think everyone has of like

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a bad result or gonna find something in there

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I didn't realize if they find something in there

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they might even just remove it right there

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while he's in there

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you're good to go if it's bigger he goes

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will do a follow up

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we have these things in your head where you go

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I don't want him to go oh my god

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you have this so those were my fears

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and all I wanted was to have a clean Bill of health

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and so I go in there I do the colonoscopy I wake up

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I'm expecting to see your beautiful face

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and you know what I see your butthole

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the inside of my asshole

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we're in the middle of surgery yeah

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and I wake up I go ah

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it's like a tunnel I first I saw this

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I saw a tunnel with a light

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and I thought for a minute maybe I was dying and

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you know the tunnel was my asshole

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do you know I'm not joking

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I saw I know a monitor video dude

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afterwards and you told me this whole story

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when you were so fucked up okay

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great so I wake up in the middle of the thing and I go

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and I can't feel anything

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it does it's not painful or whatever

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but I am like conscious and I think I said to them wow

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are we doing it are we in the middle of it

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this doesn't hurt at all and then I

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and then I think maybe they gave me some more yeah

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the whatever the fuck it is and I'm out

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I wake up I see your beautiful face and I go

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you know what kind of irritated me after surgery

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I said Eric I go man

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I loved your friend

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he's like my probably my favorite guy friend of yours

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and I go

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I remember thinking like

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I wish you like come into the room though

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after and like talk to me or said like

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you're okay or you did good

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and I go nothing I go

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it doesn't even command or say anything and she goes

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you you talk to him for several minutes

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you invited him to your show

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we try to become best friends with him

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he's very nice he basically said yes

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well I have a history by the way

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of inviting people to shows

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I got nearly arrested once and invited the policeman

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try to give him free ticket

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it must be a default comedian thing anyway no

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you were like he's my best friend

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like he pounded my asshole and I'm good

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no memory well

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that's normal though and that's why

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you have a family member or friend with you

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and then they print out information

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you get it later so you didn't do anything wrong

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but it is crazy how like you're awake

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uh huh yet your memory is completely gone

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for hours afterwards

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like I could have fucked with you a lot more

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but I'm a nice girl I think so I did not

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I think

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there was a moment where you were fucking with me

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cause I told you like it'd be funny to videotape me

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and then I know that there was a moment yesterday

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where you thought to yourself

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I need to stop fucking with this person

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this is like a little more serious than I thought

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and um

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cause what I think is I don't feel like I'm in danger

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I could drink or not drink

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I don't never had a history with drugs

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but there was a moment yesterday where I was like

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I don't like the fact that

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I feel like I just drink 100 beers

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and I don't wanna do this

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this is not what I do anymore

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I don't wanna be fucked up

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I felt like I was like

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drunk and maybe very mad and uncomfortable

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and I wasn't in my right state of mind

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so it's kind of overreacting quite a bit

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and um

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it was really hard because what I don't think I knew

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the other thing is like you're a doctor

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you told me everything I needed to know going in

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but what I think we didn't expect was

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I think I might have gotten a little bit of extra

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go back to sleep later than we thought

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or maybe a little bit more because I did wake up

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so I might have a little bit more than other people

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little more myself than people

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and why the reason they tell you to bring someone with

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they don't even let you in

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if you don't have someone to drive you home

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yeah

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because it is like the phrase is functioning alcoholic

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oh you never

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incredibly messed up after these drugs

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but you don't think

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you feel like you're ready to go back to work

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you don't think you are

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I go to you I said to you

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I go it's 6 p

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m what

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what do we do today

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I don't feel like we did anything today

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and you like you went to

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we had a great day we went shopping spree

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we grabbed a funk coffee we went bubble teaking

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we did

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we had a really fun lunch downtown

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and then remember you were like

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you bang that guy you don't even remember

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no he banged your butthole but oh

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I was trying to go back to the cheating thing

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I can remember how does it feel that like

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one of my really good friends was like

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hurting your butt cheeks and just going in for the kids

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I don't think that's like

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is that a good thing I think you know that

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like I trust him and I know him really well

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or was it awkward because you're like nah

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like she's had drinks with that guy and

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and he really should have been taking me out for drinks

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I don't medically remember him opening my ass

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like a vice and I'll be honest with you

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and it's not you think he entered it's not funny

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but I'm gonna tell you the truth

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it may it made me feel better

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there was a guy that you knew was really good

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it would be like if I if you said

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there's a comedy show this weekend

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this guy's performing I was like

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fuck no

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go to a movie instead or if I go that's my friend

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he's hilarious you gotta go see that guy

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I feel like it was like such an

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on a much more important level

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this safe thing were like

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you recommended to me the best possible dude

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so I loved your friend probably my asshole

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can I go back to a thing though

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the problem with this medicine is that you don't know

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you're that messed up and so

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like a bunch of stuff happened

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that I'm still a little bit uncomfortable with

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I remember there was a moment where I said to you

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can I meet you in that restaurant hey

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my managers called me

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we're gonna go over like 10 deals or something

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it only last night did I say you know what I remember

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I remember turning something down yeah

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I remember accepting I should probably and I go

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I remember I remember accepting something

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and I don't know if it was

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I remember having to make like a kid decision

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like my kids have spring break for 11 days

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I could accept this gig that I think is good

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but it would shorten my time with them

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I remember making decision like that and um

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I did not I did not like it

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I did not like feeling like that

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that was the hardest part for me

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I told you

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I would take your phone from you all day yesterday

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and you said no

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thank you and you thought it was weird

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and then last night you were like

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oh fuck now I know why you said that

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you'd offer to just put my phone

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like hidden somewhere in the room

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so that I wouldn't get it until like nighttime

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yeah and I said no

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and then you know what I would else I wish

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wish you tape you tape my fucking mouth shut

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I wish I hadn't talked to you haha

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I wish I hadn't talked to any people on the phone

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it made me everything's fine

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like I followed up with all that stuff and it's fine

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but with you like thank goodness you're very

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it's so funny because of we always have

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there's people around the

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I would say goodness when I'm there instead of God

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but thank God you're um

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like as understanding as you are

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because some crazy shit happened yesterday

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it was a little crazy because it was funny at first

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and then it like wasn't that funny

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and then I remember I was like

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having a great time and I wasn't having a great time

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I was having almost like an iowasca level trip

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where I thought started thinking about like

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terrible things that happened to me

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and like all this weird stuff and um

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and then I said some stuff to you you asked me oh

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this was this was even leading to a question

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my medical question that there's no answer to

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what is it I was gonna say

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I know you asked me what what my biggest secret was

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you really have any secrets medical question

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but yeah okay

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that's not it you asked me what secret was

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I told you a couple things

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this is so I'm not afraid of you in that state

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I wouldn't be afraid of telling you anything oh at all

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so like if you said like what is a secret

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whatever

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I think the only I think the only mistake I made was

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maybe I told you I love you too much or something

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I told you some plans I had for us

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like that was the worst it got

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but my question for you is

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I feel the same way about what I take fentanyl

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is that what I said fentanyl and versette yeah

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you know the patients

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a drug addict

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when they're about to be anesthetized and they're like

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I got this I got it in my bag

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I don't suggest it myself

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so I think fun of that but it actually happens yeah

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so my theory would be

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I don't think you would do anything in that state

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that you wouldn't do in a regular state

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much like your theory with being drunk

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I disagree oh

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you disagree I do okay

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I'll give you a free pass those medicine

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if I cheat on dude cheated on you

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no but for the things that you said

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it make you've never I mean

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I've never seen you like intoxicated

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so it's hard to compare

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but like the things that you said

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some of them were pretty fucked up

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not mean but like way out of character really

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and I just don't was the worst one

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when you cried hmm

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but like I cried about my dad dying or something

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you said something about bad

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but it was like out of nowhere

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where you had like a panic attack

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and you were out of control of your own body

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and I don't normally see that with people

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who are just on marijuana

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or alcohol but I do see that with very strong uh

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IV drug use so

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it's the same thing with these prescription medicines

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so I do think that that when we're saying

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you'd never do this or that with

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with alcohol marijuana yeah

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I think it's a more subdued high

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with these really strong aggressive medicines

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I mean

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think about the stories where you hear of people like

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eating other people and not remembering

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eating other people yeah

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on methamphetamines oh

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like the Florida bath salt situation stuff can do it um

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so it's the level of high that you have

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so what you had yesterday was really fucked up

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so I was actually

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quite pleasantly surprised at how appropriate

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and kind you were and how thankful you were

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I think I how you weren't embarrassing

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because I've seen

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as the doctor on the other side of the procedures

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I've seen

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I've done colonoscopies to patients like I've

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but I mean

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I've also done major surgeries where we cut from like

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neck to pubic bone

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and rip them open in there with those strong drugs

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for like 10 hour solid

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I just I guess I thought they can beat you up

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like they try from the medicine yeah

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I think I just didn't want

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we've been dating for a while

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it's been almost a year I don't know if I wanted to

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shit and cry in front of you

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in the same 24 hours for the first time

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we did um a lot accomplish a lot in the last 24 hours

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our relationship has certainly changed

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well that's happened

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can I be you know what I think was interesting

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what that I had sympathy diarrhea for you

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so crazy

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so I was we but we did keep you just blew what I miss

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no I'm still on it

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I'm still on it I did show

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choose a different restroom

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that was upstairs in your house

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and did you know every time I went upstairs

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I turned I started by turning on the faucet

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close the one door close the other door

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and I turn on the shower and the blower

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for the first cut

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and then like the 13th time I was like shit

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fuck it this is too crazy you know

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and you and people were awake in the house

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it wasn't just you

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so I was afraid of people listening and then yeah

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my house I couldn't hear anything

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do you really believe that you

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so I think that type of separation isn't bad to like

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you know you knew I was pooping

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this never had me in my whole life

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but but it was still some separation and then yeah

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you go my stomach feels weird and you had like a weird

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like a like a sympathy

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I have connected and etherilous response of like

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I genuinely like shit myself silly

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and I felt like telling you

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because you are embarrassed

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and it's different than like

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I don't know like

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farting and pooping in front of you without any like

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yeah censorship

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you were like so polite

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but like every 10 minutes until like what

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1:30 in the morning you're like

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excuse me and you would like excuse yourself like

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I know what you're doing but at one point I was like

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I feel bad for this guy

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and I wanna come down to your level yes

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come down to your level so I was like

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I'm just gonna full blown tell you

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I just shit myself rotten

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it was nice it was nice of you

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I appreciate the and the first time

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I genuinely think it was a psychosomatic response

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which blows my mind I really do think

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I felt so bad for you

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and I saw you fucking shitting like 500 times yeah

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not that I was like leaving poop

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poop that suddenly I was like

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I think I'll have diarrhea

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and then I had a second episode of diarrhea

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and then the next morning I shot myself two more times

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wow and I told you you know

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it's a the final episode of diarrhea

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was a bit of a disappointment

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like Seinfeld

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you're like looking at me right now no

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I love I love it I'm trying not to say too much

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um physician it doesn't gross me out

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as someone who's not medically inclined

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it's probably a little bit of TMI that's the problem

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I'm afraid you're gonna go physician on me

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and then you're gonna turn into girlfriend and be like

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fucking this is too much this guy

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but I don't think you'll ever I swear I draw the line

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I don't wanna smell it or hear it or see it yeah

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because when I'm at work

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and I have to take care of a sick patient

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yep I have the ability

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I feel that I separate the two

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everything exactly about improv

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but if I like

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go in the bathroom and probably brushing my teeth

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and you're just like

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right I feel like

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that's kind of a respect thing that you've lost

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that's really nice

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but I wanted you to know that I was having diarrhea

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because I wanted to empathize with you a little bit

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I knew I'd never get to the level of having 500

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bowel movements in 10 hours

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but I didn't want you to feel alone

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for anyone that's about to have a colonoscopy

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first of all get it done

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it was not that bad except for the crying and shit

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it was really not that bad and it's good to know

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I think it's good to know

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but I would warn

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not only have somebody that can drive you home

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have someone can have someone you can trust or nobody

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you know what else I would add

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put your phone away

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have somebody who really cares about you

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like I closet 8 remember

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you caught me with like fistfuls of like m and m's

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was nice

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by the way actual pantry

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and I would like chew

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like I had popcorn and I was dead

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get away from me that's really nice

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cause I didn't want you to like

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hear or smell or be like

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oh I'm hungry and feel like I was insensitive

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that's nice you know

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the first six times I use the restroom upstairs

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I pretended I had a phone call not just to you

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but there are other people in the house

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and then one of the people

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I go oh

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I gotta grab this whatever

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gotta run upstairs and grab this

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and then one of the people in the house said

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is Jimmy just shitting is that a phone call

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mean shit I feel like what you should do is have like

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uh miralax colonoscopy party

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like how funny would it have been

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you mean more than one person

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yeah like if I also had a colonoscopy the next day

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and we had a different family member Drive both of us

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and we both had to go through the prep together

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yeah so we each had a separately like poop

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but be in misery together

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it is a good idea and you know

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you can't do that in a one bathroom house

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you gotta have several bathrooms really

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yeah I had one bathroom for a while recently

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this is one bathroom is a tough life

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I'm a friend of mine

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a comedian that a lot of people know who he is

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he had one at the same time

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and there was this little bit of kinship

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not at the same time the exact same day

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yeah same time

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same day found out

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that's what I think is so cool

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keep going did not plan it

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but I think that's really funny

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people don't talk about colonoscopies

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not only you talk about it

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you're like buddy

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me too we're both getting our asses explored

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same time same day

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let's go that's nice

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I mentioned him and I go in the morning and I go

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last night was tough but I love how thin I feel

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because I didn't need for someone who was like dude

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me too

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you know I'm worried about

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I'm worried that I fasted for 30 hours

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and then went shopping and bought pants that may never

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that I can reveal the wear god

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you were fun to show this fasting

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see that's the high that's fun though

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you were happy you were nice

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you were conscientious and you had like fun

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doing something you probably wouldn't have done

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if you were totally sober

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after your procedure no

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that's what we did I hate all that shit

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you got some kick ass stuff

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we uh and you don't even remember it

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it's like you just woke up

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and all this magical shit was in the closet

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do you know what I used to do when I get drunk

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haha what

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when I would get kind of blackout drunk sometimes

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I would order stuff for myself

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I think my blacked out version of myself

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knew this about me when I was like super blacked out

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sometimes I would buy stuff for myself on Amazon

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what you buy

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and then I would subsequently completely be surprised

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but I was able to surprise myself with gifts

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like I would go what is this

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that's exactly what I wanted

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I was just gonna ask that so were you like

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oh fuck yeah

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drunk Jamie or were you like fuck you drunk Jamie

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like

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did you buy the good shit or did you buy stupid shit

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so it was mostly get you

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but one time I will admit you did that

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I woke up in the morning

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and I bought $3,000 worth of electric scooters what

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yeah wait

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uh huh you did

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uh huh I didn't want them

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of course you

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I don't need 3,000 the fuck it was for my children

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like for me and my children

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I but you know

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those scooters you ride the lime ones or whatever

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I was like why are we renting

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why don't we own these

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please tell me you could return them

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I freaking canceled it but the next morning I was like

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what is this it was like an email was like

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your purchase has gone through

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was like 37 hundred dollars

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holy shit yeah

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so I canceled like that's what people do with Taco Bell

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but it's like 150 bucks yeah

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it was a mistake by the way yeah

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that was the biggest drunk mistake I've ever made

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$3,000 worth of scooters

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did not purchase them returned it

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you did me a favor that's not that bad though

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I mean that's fucking bad

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but like you didn't do something crazy no

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you do me a favor though by

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when I was messed up

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and you thought I might not remember

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you knew some of this

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that I might be a little bit loopy

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you did not take me to Sax Fifth Avenue

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you didn't take me to Barney

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she didn't take me to nordstrom's

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you took me to Nordstrom's Rack

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knowing that the craziest I could get

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we're gonna get some nice deals on some clothes

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it was not gonna be like the craziest

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I bought so much stuff

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and I don't like trying stuff on

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and I was still very loopy and I bought

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I don't like trying anything on

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I will buy stuff try it on

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return it rather than like try stuff on at the um

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at the store and so we went into the

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we went into the room the what's it called

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the changing room so you go into the changing room

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do you remember me grabbing your dick

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in the fitting room no

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you did not sure did that's a joke no

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I dug down into your pants Jeez legit

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well add that to the list of shit you don't remember

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I don't remember that sucks

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so it was the best blow job of your life

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you did not everywhere that's not true

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that person did you know

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no I just reached my hand on your pants

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and touch your penis a few times

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and I was like oh

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I've never been in a fitting room with a guy before

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we should get busy hahaha

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try on this sweater but it's more of kind of a jokey

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yeah

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so then I started trying stuff on I try one thing I go

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what do you think and I like that one

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I don't like that one by the way

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when I shop for clothes

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I even in my vent and old state

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I like to do I stole this from a pocket

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but I do a no or a fuck yes

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it's gonna be a fuck yes or I don't buy it

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so a couple was like

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I don't know if I gone right you were funny

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I grab some jeans and you're like

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these are good and I'm like

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I don't know if I like the color

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and you just go

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and you just chuck them on the ground in the store

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no memory and then you politely picked them up okay

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like that wasn't a fuck yes

Speaker:

and I didn't know what you meant

Speaker:

but then you explained it later yeah

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so we did that though

Speaker:

we're trying to find we're in the fitness room

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it's it's tight in there tight space

Speaker:

tries to find all the sudden there's knock at the door

Speaker:

excuse me

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I go yeah

Speaker:

ladies like you guys can't both be in there

Speaker:

what's going on

Speaker:

she for sure thanks for having sex oh yeah

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she saw my shoes and they're pointing towards you

Speaker:

so like

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I actually buried my face into your penis at one point

Speaker:

and you looked at the mirror and you were like

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oh yeah as a joke I was clothed you were closed oh

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just as a you know

Speaker:

we did though we just we invited her in

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well we did

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she said you can't have two people in there

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unless you have a disability or need

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so the door open

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she says you can't have two people in there

Speaker:

uh huh unless you have a disability or oh

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you can't try and close by yourself

Speaker:

he needs assistance and Erica thinking fast says oh

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he just had a medical procedure

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points to my bracelet yeah

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you go yes

Speaker:

and I had like a thing

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and you had all of your like medical bands still on

Speaker:

and I was like I really am in here

Speaker:

because I don't want him to fall over

Speaker:

and she goes oh my God

Speaker:

I'm so sorry you can stay

Speaker:

I'm so sorry but the funny part is this

Speaker:

like we high fived afterwards like yes

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I didn't have to leave yep

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and I totally could have like

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done stuff in the fitting room

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but we were respectful adults

Speaker:

I just wanted to try on a bunch of sweaters

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yeah

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well you did need assistance

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you were fucked up

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I have no memory of that

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but at the time I feel like I wasn't fucked up

Speaker:

that's the problem with this stuff that you take

Speaker:

yeah well

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so I like being in the funeral with you

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and I thought

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it was cool that they actually let me stay

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cause I didn't want you to like fall over

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cause you were kind of woozy

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do you um

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speaking of like your penis and sedation and stuff okay

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well I was just thinking we didn't talk about like the

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what I thought was the funny thing

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when I asked you to tell me your deepest

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darkest secret oh God

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when you came out of the procedure

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and they wheeled you back into the post op room

Speaker:

and you had like all your cords on with like

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medical stuff everywhere beeping

Speaker:

and you're like am I okay

Speaker:

and I'm like yeah

Speaker:

tell me your deepest darkest secrets

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what if what if a listener said man

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you shouldn't do that to

Speaker:

what if he says something that he

Speaker:

he doesn't wanna tell you

Speaker:

well so you and I had talked about this beforehand

Speaker:

we're also very open

Speaker:

so I think I know like your secrets

Speaker:

cause they're not secrets to me

Speaker:

what if something super embarrassing though

Speaker:

that I expect you so much that like

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I was prepared to cut it off before you went there

Speaker:

like if you ever started to be like well

Speaker:

this one time that I cheated on I would be like

Speaker:

I don't wanna know about that

Speaker:

you would wanna know I think I would know no

Speaker:

I truly

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it matters to me to not take advantage of someone

Speaker:

I like fucking with you hard

Speaker:

I know

Speaker:

yeah it's fun

Speaker:

but when you're able to take it

Speaker:

and that would have been taken advantage of you

Speaker:

so we had a set plan of like okay

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I'm gonna

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push it because I was supposed to videotape you

Speaker:

we wanted to put I told you green light

Speaker:

I didn't I gave you permission

Speaker:

I give you I said green line

Speaker:

and I would never done that if you're like

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oh please don't

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but if it ever got to like that point where I was like

Speaker:

oh man you really did say something you didn't want to

Speaker:

we talked about me saying okay

Speaker:

we're done we'll table this for another conversation

Speaker:

there's a body buried

Speaker:

well if yes

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I would have fucking asked about that yeah

Speaker:

there's some many there's a gray area though yeah

Speaker:

obviously not that but do you remember the deepest

Speaker:

darkest secret you told me

Speaker:

I think so

Speaker:

one of them was super super romantic and sweet okay

Speaker:

so I didn't feel like it was a secret

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it was just a kind thing

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that maybe you didn't wanna tell me

Speaker:

out of fear of like

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letting me down or embarrassment or honestly

Speaker:

let's pause yourself out there

Speaker:

let's pause just let people throw up okay

Speaker:

and then you followed it up with

Speaker:

I've got one more secret and I looked at you

Speaker:

I've no memory of this so I've got a boner right now

Speaker:

haha that's not true

Speaker:

yes it is

Speaker:

and you did your dick was hard and it was under the um

Speaker:

the hospital blanket so I couldn't really see but you

Speaker:

I laughed just like that and I go

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no you don't and you go yes

Speaker:

I do Erica

Speaker:

I do and I go

Speaker:

why the fuck do you have a heart on right now

Speaker:

and you're like clean Bill house

Speaker:

I was just talking to you about like the

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the romantic stuff

Speaker:

and I was just looking at you and I'm like

Speaker:

nice fucking excuse and you go

Speaker:

I just don't know what I've got

Speaker:

I've got a fucking heart on

Speaker:

and the nurse is coming back in

Speaker:

and she comes back in and I'm like oh

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and you just grabbed your dick

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you put your hand over no memory hello

Speaker:

that's all true I didn't feel yes

Speaker:

I'm not messing with you but apparently

Speaker:

your deepest secret after a colonoscopy

Speaker:

is that you got a heart on okay

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well

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anybody nothing about it

Speaker:

yeah there's nothing I could do about it yeah

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it's all a blur well

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you did change in front of me

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like completely naked like a rip off your clothes

Speaker:

and I remember I go

Speaker:

do you remember this part

Speaker:

I have no memory wait for reals

Speaker:

you don't remember no

Speaker:

there's just you in the room or other people

Speaker:

it was just me and the nurse is like okay

Speaker:

like it's time for you to go

Speaker:

do I have a heart on and you go

Speaker:

or how do I do this

Speaker:

and you started to try to rip out your IV

Speaker:

just barely wow

Speaker:

and you're like what do I do

Speaker:

and I go no

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no no no stop

Speaker:

she'll take care of it

Speaker:

so she takes all the cords and IVs out and everything

Speaker:

and she goes go ahead and get dressed

Speaker:

this is right after your hard on comment

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so you rip off your hospital gown and your

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I mean it was definitely big

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and it was big it was

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you mean it was like a wrecked

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oh jeez

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it was like the middle one

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oh yeah

Speaker:

it was like swollen but not like at attention right

Speaker:

so like you would I could tell you definitely had one

Speaker:

and you were like coming down okay

Speaker:

and I go wow

Speaker:

you definitely left with more than you came in with wow

Speaker:

do you remember what you said to me

Speaker:

you go yeah

Speaker:

he's such a great guy

Speaker:

I just asked him to add on the penis enlargement

Speaker:

special when he was already at my asshole

Speaker:

and I go I told you

Speaker:

it's great when you get to have procedures

Speaker:

from my best friends I did not go

Speaker:

we got invited to my show haha

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oh no

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play

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my level of comedy goes down when I'm under sedation

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I mean I can't believe you don't remember any of that

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but the funniest part to me is

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I told you this entire story last night at dinner

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you did and you were like

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I can't believe I did I told you

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I don't remember being at dinner last night

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I don't remember we had steak

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you cook oh

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you mean at your house at your house

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I remember that I think when we went out to dinner

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holy shit I have more questions about hours later

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you asked what we had for dinner

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after you had cooked dinner

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it was yesterday was nuts

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yesterday was an absolute blur

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I have more questions but I'm afraid to ask

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coming up on the next episode of afraid to ask

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how to make cool if you double ruined it

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what the fuck I thought that was nice

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I just mean it's very nice and kind

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but it would have gotten in my head

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are you saying you wouldn't have told me

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no I wasn't gonna tell you

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you son of a bitch

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it would have gotten in my head and made this shit

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stop talking I'm so red right now

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oh my God I thought it was a good thing no

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no I would love my mom

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but you know I said different

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is that your mom same thing

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I have hung out with you in oars

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where my best friends have probed your asshole

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and I was fine with it

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but inviting 2 mothers to your show is the fucking like

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Nitus to our relationship ending

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