Transcripts
check 1 2 well hello there boyfriend how are you
Speaker:it's fine day I'm really good is it working
Speaker:yes excellent let's not talk shit
Speaker:I'm afraid to ask but I have a great question
Speaker:I don't even know what I was gonna say
Speaker:I'm so disturbed right now
Speaker:you brought up a very interesting point
Speaker:I did is afraid to ask oh
Speaker:hi yeah
Speaker:hi well Jamie Doctor Erica
Speaker:you were up a really interesting point last time
Speaker:we're talking point and or opinion oh
Speaker:and that is what you said something about
Speaker:you would never do something blacked out or
Speaker:or someone cheated on so
Speaker:did you say something like someone cheated on someone
Speaker:and their excuse was yes
Speaker:so tell me what that was well
Speaker:so I was in college and I had a guy friend
Speaker:he was like upset
Speaker:he's like my girlfriend cheated on me and I was like
Speaker:fuck that bitch right
Speaker:end of story you think it's done and he's like no no no
Speaker:no she's a great person
Speaker:and she was just like really drunk
Speaker:like blackout drunk and I was like
Speaker:so blackout that her like clothes got ripped off
Speaker:and she just opened her vagina
Speaker:and fell onto a hard dick
Speaker:and he say yes
Speaker:and then kept it pumping and he was like
Speaker:pretty much she just like
Speaker:really enjoyed every thrust
Speaker:she's I'm getting angry and I was like
Speaker:he saying she didn't remember it
Speaker:no no
Speaker:no it was consensual
Speaker:but she put blackout blackout where she like had no
Speaker:I don't know this sounds moral conscious and was like
Speaker:I just I forgot I was dating someone for two years
Speaker:so just part of her blacked out
Speaker:just the part that was committed excuse
Speaker:for me it's like if I'm gonna do something
Speaker:I'm gonna do it sober I'm gonna do it drunk
Speaker:I'm gonna do it high I'm gonna do it wherever yeah
Speaker:because there's a certain level where you just say no
Speaker:like I'm not gonna get so drunk
Speaker:I'm just gonna go kill somebody
Speaker:yes this girl
Speaker:her excuse was I am such a nice girl
Speaker:I would never cheat on you
Speaker:but when I'm drunk
Speaker:my vagina just likes to make friends with every dick
Speaker:it sees yes
Speaker:let me slow this down he believed her
Speaker:don't and stay on this tie guy we keep talking about
Speaker:this is really important
Speaker:there's so many problems with her story black
Speaker:if she was truly blackout drunk
Speaker:she wouldn't even tell him she cheated on him
Speaker:or she wouldn't remember she wouldn't even remember
Speaker:he would he would
Speaker:or maybe he finds out and she's oh my goodness
Speaker:I don't even know
Speaker:but there's like a thing called the brown out
Speaker:which is where you like
Speaker:flashing and out of consciousness
Speaker:and you remember things that are
Speaker:yeah but I think a brown out is a thing right
Speaker:I mean that maybe that's a
Speaker:that's jargon or urban dictionary
Speaker:but it means like you remember some stuff
Speaker:I never heard of that this is where you
Speaker:have you ever been blacked out and I would know
Speaker:I wouldn't remember okay
Speaker:have you ever been partially blacked out
Speaker:where you kind of have flashes of the night
Speaker:I might have been beiged out no
Speaker:no you told me
Speaker:didn't you tell me
Speaker:once you cleaned your whole house blacked out
Speaker:so but the
Speaker:but so that I remember so again
Speaker:I don't know what shade of like gray do you remember
Speaker:so you had a party I get shit
Speaker:you woke up the whole house was clean
Speaker:do you remember any of it
Speaker:the definition of like
Speaker:super drunk is a couple drinks where I'm like silly
Speaker:but like I'd never fall into a penis
Speaker:if someone asks me a question
Speaker:I might remember
Speaker:but I wouldn't remember the whole conversation
Speaker:and I like to clean so I got stressed out
Speaker:I hosted a party and all of my guests left
Speaker:and I was very happy and intoxicated
Speaker:so I basically cleaned my whole house with a toothbrush
Speaker:and I woke up to like magic elves
Speaker:I was like oh
Speaker:they cleaned it I don't remember
Speaker:so no memory cleaning
Speaker:but I don't remember 4 hours of cleaning
Speaker:I just remember being happy that I think is a brown up
Speaker:could be wrong but I like so I remember the dick
Speaker:I just remember the first thrust not all of them
Speaker:aren't you still guilty then
Speaker:wow
Speaker:yes of course you are yes
Speaker:I agree I think that you
Speaker:I have a crazy medical question
Speaker:that blackout is defined differently by people
Speaker:blackout I think means you totally don't remember
Speaker:but you're right she clearly remembered
Speaker:to say that she had sex with somebody
Speaker:I'm gonna spring a medical question needed
Speaker:I would guess has no answer
Speaker:so no pressure boy
Speaker:I would say this has no answer
Speaker:didn't feel like working today but go ahead
Speaker:I would say there's there's no so I I agree with you
Speaker:I don't think
Speaker:people would do things that they wouldn't normally do
Speaker:when they are drunk let's not even say blacked out
Speaker:let's just say like really really drunk
Speaker:I think your inhibitions are lower
Speaker:but if you truly
Speaker:I don't think you cheat on somebody you really
Speaker:really love if you're super drunk
Speaker:unless you were gonna anyway
Speaker:you would do it sober too
Speaker:yeah
Speaker:I would do it sober cause I'd be able to drive home
Speaker:make sure I covered all my bases
Speaker:and she wouldn't find out
Speaker:thought Plan B ahead of time right so I think the prom
Speaker:the problem is
Speaker:it feels like a lie like a cop out to be like
Speaker:oh I drank too much forgive hundred percent because
Speaker:yeah I've done stupid stuff drunk versus sober
Speaker:but I've never done something
Speaker:I wouldn't do in other circumstances
Speaker:killing someone is the ultimate example
Speaker:well that's why I said that
Speaker:I know that's extreme but I feel like cheating is too
Speaker:like it's so disrespectful to be like
Speaker:I had a great night out with the girls
Speaker:and the bartender he was naked
Speaker:so I had to help him out no
Speaker:you didn't you know
Speaker:I feel crazy today she sucked
Speaker:you know I feel crazy today
Speaker:right and
Speaker:you probably know what
Speaker:this medical question coming up is
Speaker:I don't know the medical question
Speaker:but I know why you feel kind of inebriated
Speaker:yeah cause I had a colonoscopy yesterday
Speaker:yeah and I know many people have had colonoscopies ah
Speaker:but it was there was a lot of very unexpected things
Speaker:I had a night of prep which a lot of people have had
Speaker:and you drink clear stuff
Speaker:like 24 hours of clear stuff before the um
Speaker:there's so much to talk about here
Speaker:what I was gonna go to was
Speaker:let me tease a little bit
Speaker:I think we talked about it for
Speaker:I have a real problem with any sort of
Speaker:bodily functions in front of someone
Speaker:I'm dating even had problems when I was married
Speaker:doing about other things in front of someone
Speaker:and when you prep for a colonoscopy
Speaker:you are encouraging
Speaker:you are about to have some bodily problems
Speaker:some things are gonna happen
Speaker:because the goal is to have the stuff coming out of you
Speaker:be clear and I'm talking all of it
Speaker:so you're taking
Speaker:like a year's worth of this laxative and whatever
Speaker:and you're gonna and so I was gonna stay in a hotel
Speaker:and we decided
Speaker:we're gonna take a relationship with the next level
Speaker:and I was gonna stay at your house
Speaker:but you found a bathroom for me
Speaker:an upstairs bathroom if I had to and this is really
Speaker:I was uh it's an uncomfortable night I enjoyed um
Speaker:I enjoyed the fasting part
Speaker:there were moments when I was starving
Speaker:it's like I think I didn't eat for 30 hours
Speaker:most people actually complain about that
Speaker:more than anything else even more than the prep did
Speaker:you know that
Speaker:they complain that they can't eat for a day
Speaker:most patients get more mad about that
Speaker:than even having diarrhea
Speaker:you know the minute you talk it's so mental
Speaker:it's so mental
Speaker:because we were sitting in your office and you thought
Speaker:I could eat till 6 p m
Speaker:uh huh and we were like what should we get for lunch
Speaker:and I was on Uber Eats looking at the Greek place
Speaker:I was gonna order
Speaker:and surprise you from the Greek place
Speaker:and then you texted the um
Speaker:your butthole the butthole guy and you said you go hey
Speaker:and he goes
Speaker:oh Jamie can't eat it eat it all that's a somewhere
Speaker:Jamie sounds like your pin pal
Speaker:we saw a license plate yesterday in Ohio
Speaker:in Ohio Idaho
Speaker:this is wow
Speaker:I listen my excuse
Speaker:are you so fucked up from yesterday
Speaker:for anything that happens today
Speaker:that's why I wanted to get to
Speaker:so anyway everybody knows about this prep
Speaker:well we've been over it
Speaker:at least you'd say the same stuff
Speaker:as you would if you were sober
Speaker:cause that's my question what's your question
Speaker:so I anyway
Speaker:prep was interesting
Speaker:prep was interesting I did the deed
Speaker:I drank all the
Speaker:oh
Speaker:but the thing was as soon as you told me I couldn't eat
Speaker:starving yeah
Speaker:upset yeah
Speaker:do you know they say that about smoking
Speaker:do you know how about everything
Speaker:we don't like to be told no
Speaker:do you know mental smoking is
Speaker:do you know
Speaker:there are smokers that smoke packs of cigarettes a day
Speaker:but they fly on airplanes
Speaker:bunch of people that fly an airplane smoke cigarettes
Speaker:they don't go to the bathroom and smoke though
Speaker:it's because you can't smoke on an airplane
Speaker:it's not up to them
Speaker:there's a lot of like cognitive behavioral therapy
Speaker:to quit smoking is like
Speaker:learning that when you are in certain situations
Speaker:and you're not allowed to
Speaker:you don't you're not struck with the crazy urge
Speaker:so diets always fail too
Speaker:yeah but soon as you told me I couldn't eat or starving
Speaker:and then I went then it got better
Speaker:that's I had some chicken broth
Speaker:it was amazing I wake up one guy
Speaker:I got a point
Speaker:I got a point I don't drink
Speaker:I've been drinking many many years
Speaker:I don't do
Speaker:I did a little bit iowasca three times in my life
Speaker:but I feel like that was very specific
Speaker:it was under a lot of guidance
Speaker:it was very therapeutic
Speaker:there's nothing fun and partyish about it
Speaker:I had a guide like professionals
Speaker:I did it with medical staff around me
Speaker:so I did Iowaska marijuana
Speaker:I just
Speaker:I used to take a tiny bit at night to go to sleep
Speaker:I stopped that because one night
Speaker:you called me and I started a huge fight over nothing
Speaker:or there was a huge misunderstanding
Speaker:and I go I don't wanna like not have my brain any more
Speaker:so I stopped in that
Speaker:you would have fought with me sober too
Speaker:but continue yeah
Speaker:so
Speaker:I guess I didn't think about the fact that there was a
Speaker:did I miss something oh
Speaker:but I guess I didn't think about the drunk
Speaker:the drunkish fucked up aspect
Speaker:yeah post and also very
Speaker:very heavy hitter
Speaker:prescription IV medications used for sedation
Speaker:do you think drug addicts
Speaker:recovering drug addicts
Speaker:some of them say do it with nothing
Speaker:we've had patients ask to have very light sedation
Speaker:or even just gas because
Speaker:they're very concerned about the high that they'll get
Speaker:and then the flip side
Speaker:patients who abuse drugs actively
Speaker:require a much higher dose
Speaker:so we need them to be honest
Speaker:so we give the appropriate amount
Speaker:so they're not uncomfortable during the procedure
Speaker:or awakened writhing on the table
Speaker:you know colonoscopy is not fun
Speaker:but it's not as invasive as like open heart surgery
Speaker:right
Speaker:so there's a varying degrees of how safe you have to be
Speaker:but yes in general
Speaker:if you have drug addiction or sobriety
Speaker:both of those really matter
Speaker:and that's why they ask you these questions
Speaker:right before they take you back
Speaker:because
Speaker:they have to be prepared for what kind of patient
Speaker:they're gonna be and estheizing
Speaker:that's a good point you know what though
Speaker:what they didn't ask me that question
Speaker:well yes
Speaker:they did they didn't say
Speaker:did you ever have an issue
Speaker:they said do you drink
Speaker:I don't know they asked current
Speaker:but what if I had an issue with it with someone
Speaker:I quit for 10 years they didn't
Speaker:they didn't yeah
Speaker:they don't they ask about active drug alcohol
Speaker:tobacco use yeah
Speaker:what if I was a I guess
Speaker:that would be my responsibility to bring that up
Speaker:that's not a doctor's prior though
Speaker:that has past medical history
Speaker:and usually it will say alcohol abuse or drug abuse
Speaker:I just didn't look at it did you just say I'm fine
Speaker:yeah and I wouldn't consider
Speaker:I don't know if I can say I'm not
Speaker:I never want to like rehab or anything like that
Speaker:I probably would have been would have felt okay with it
Speaker:it really is for patients
Speaker:like pain medication patients will say gosh
Speaker:I'm recovering um
Speaker:patient who struggled with drug addictive tendency
Speaker:so I'd like to avoid this at all cost
Speaker:and that's really nice for me to know
Speaker:so I can prescribe medicine that's more appropriate
Speaker:and won't unfortunately
Speaker:give them a little bit of something that makes them
Speaker:perhaps rebound so
Speaker:but your butthole was fine
Speaker:that was the great news
Speaker:but I will tell you in this might
Speaker:so I meant like in general
Speaker:with the medicine they gave you
Speaker:yeah and you
Speaker:you told me that
Speaker:you had told me that before I even had the colonoscopy
Speaker:that you thought my no
Speaker:actually my exact words were
Speaker:how does it feel knowing one of my very good friends
Speaker:will know you much more intimately than I do
Speaker:because he probably around in your butthole
Speaker:which is something I never intend to do
Speaker:so my fear I understand my fear going in was absolutely
Speaker:I don't think it was the invasiveness
Speaker:cause I knew I would be put out
Speaker:that's happened to me before
Speaker:I've done the
Speaker:I have a point all this by the way
Speaker:something you don't know I think and so I took this
Speaker:I've done that for his magic
Speaker:I took it and I woke up in the surgery was done
Speaker:I had that once before in my life
Speaker:so I only
Speaker:had this fear that I think everyone has of like
Speaker:a bad result or gonna find something in there
Speaker:I didn't realize if they find something in there
Speaker:they might even just remove it right there
Speaker:while he's in there
Speaker:you're good to go if it's bigger he goes
Speaker:will do a follow up
Speaker:we have these things in your head where you go
Speaker:I don't want him to go oh my god
Speaker:you have this so those were my fears
Speaker:and all I wanted was to have a clean Bill of health
Speaker:and so I go in there I do the colonoscopy I wake up
Speaker:I'm expecting to see your beautiful face
Speaker:and you know what I see your butthole
Speaker:the inside of my asshole
Speaker:we're in the middle of surgery yeah
Speaker:and I wake up I go ah
Speaker:it's like a tunnel I first I saw this
Speaker:I saw a tunnel with a light
Speaker:and I thought for a minute maybe I was dying and
Speaker:you know the tunnel was my asshole
Speaker:do you know I'm not joking
Speaker:I saw I know a monitor video dude
Speaker:afterwards and you told me this whole story
Speaker:when you were so fucked up okay
Speaker:great so I wake up in the middle of the thing and I go
Speaker:and I can't feel anything
Speaker:it does it's not painful or whatever
Speaker:but I am like conscious and I think I said to them wow
Speaker:are we doing it are we in the middle of it
Speaker:this doesn't hurt at all and then I
Speaker:and then I think maybe they gave me some more yeah
Speaker:the whatever the fuck it is and I'm out
Speaker:I wake up I see your beautiful face and I go
Speaker:you know what kind of irritated me after surgery
Speaker:I said Eric I go man
Speaker:I loved your friend
Speaker:he's like my probably my favorite guy friend of yours
Speaker:and I go
Speaker:I remember thinking like
Speaker:I wish you like come into the room though
Speaker:after and like talk to me or said like
Speaker:you're okay or you did good
Speaker:and I go nothing I go
Speaker:it doesn't even command or say anything and she goes
Speaker:you you talk to him for several minutes
Speaker:you invited him to your show
Speaker:we try to become best friends with him
Speaker:he's very nice he basically said yes
Speaker:well I have a history by the way
Speaker:of inviting people to shows
Speaker:I got nearly arrested once and invited the policeman
Speaker:try to give him free ticket
Speaker:it must be a default comedian thing anyway no
Speaker:you were like he's my best friend
Speaker:like he pounded my asshole and I'm good
Speaker:no memory well
Speaker:that's normal though and that's why
Speaker:you have a family member or friend with you
Speaker:and then they print out information
Speaker:you get it later so you didn't do anything wrong
Speaker:but it is crazy how like you're awake
Speaker:uh huh yet your memory is completely gone
Speaker:for hours afterwards
Speaker:like I could have fucked with you a lot more
Speaker:but I'm a nice girl I think so I did not
Speaker:I think
Speaker:there was a moment where you were fucking with me
Speaker:cause I told you like it'd be funny to videotape me
Speaker:and then I know that there was a moment yesterday
Speaker:where you thought to yourself
Speaker:I need to stop fucking with this person
Speaker:this is like a little more serious than I thought
Speaker:and um
Speaker:cause what I think is I don't feel like I'm in danger
Speaker:I could drink or not drink
Speaker:I don't never had a history with drugs
Speaker:but there was a moment yesterday where I was like
Speaker:I don't like the fact that
Speaker:I feel like I just drink 100 beers
Speaker:and I don't wanna do this
Speaker:this is not what I do anymore
Speaker:I don't wanna be fucked up
Speaker:I felt like I was like
Speaker:drunk and maybe very mad and uncomfortable
Speaker:and I wasn't in my right state of mind
Speaker:so it's kind of overreacting quite a bit
Speaker:and um
Speaker:it was really hard because what I don't think I knew
Speaker:the other thing is like you're a doctor
Speaker:you told me everything I needed to know going in
Speaker:but what I think we didn't expect was
Speaker:I think I might have gotten a little bit of extra
Speaker:go back to sleep later than we thought
Speaker:or maybe a little bit more because I did wake up
Speaker:so I might have a little bit more than other people
Speaker:little more myself than people
Speaker:and why the reason they tell you to bring someone with
Speaker:they don't even let you in
Speaker:if you don't have someone to drive you home
Speaker:yeah
Speaker:because it is like the phrase is functioning alcoholic
Speaker:oh you never
Speaker:incredibly messed up after these drugs
Speaker:but you don't think
Speaker:you feel like you're ready to go back to work
Speaker:you don't think you are
Speaker:I go to you I said to you
Speaker:I go it's 6 p
Speaker:m what
Speaker:what do we do today
Speaker:I don't feel like we did anything today
Speaker:and you like you went to
Speaker:we had a great day we went shopping spree
Speaker:we grabbed a funk coffee we went bubble teaking
Speaker:we did
Speaker:we had a really fun lunch downtown
Speaker:and then remember you were like
Speaker:you bang that guy you don't even remember
Speaker:no he banged your butthole but oh
Speaker:I was trying to go back to the cheating thing
Speaker:I can remember how does it feel that like
Speaker:one of my really good friends was like
Speaker:hurting your butt cheeks and just going in for the kids
Speaker:I don't think that's like
Speaker:is that a good thing I think you know that
Speaker:like I trust him and I know him really well
Speaker:or was it awkward because you're like nah
Speaker:like she's had drinks with that guy and
Speaker:and he really should have been taking me out for drinks
Speaker:I don't medically remember him opening my ass
Speaker:like a vice and I'll be honest with you
Speaker:and it's not you think he entered it's not funny
Speaker:but I'm gonna tell you the truth
Speaker:it may it made me feel better
Speaker:there was a guy that you knew was really good
Speaker:it would be like if I if you said
Speaker:there's a comedy show this weekend
Speaker:this guy's performing I was like
Speaker:fuck no
Speaker:go to a movie instead or if I go that's my friend
Speaker:he's hilarious you gotta go see that guy
Speaker:I feel like it was like such an
Speaker:on a much more important level
Speaker:this safe thing were like
Speaker:you recommended to me the best possible dude
Speaker:so I loved your friend probably my asshole
Speaker:can I go back to a thing though
Speaker:the problem with this medicine is that you don't know
Speaker:you're that messed up and so
Speaker:like a bunch of stuff happened
Speaker:that I'm still a little bit uncomfortable with
Speaker:I remember there was a moment where I said to you
Speaker:can I meet you in that restaurant hey
Speaker:my managers called me
Speaker:we're gonna go over like 10 deals or something
Speaker:it only last night did I say you know what I remember
Speaker:I remember turning something down yeah
Speaker:I remember accepting I should probably and I go
Speaker:I remember I remember accepting something
Speaker:and I don't know if it was
Speaker:I remember having to make like a kid decision
Speaker:like my kids have spring break for 11 days
Speaker:I could accept this gig that I think is good
Speaker:but it would shorten my time with them
Speaker:I remember making decision like that and um
Speaker:I did not I did not like it
Speaker:I did not like feeling like that
Speaker:that was the hardest part for me
Speaker:I told you
Speaker:I would take your phone from you all day yesterday
Speaker:and you said no
Speaker:thank you and you thought it was weird
Speaker:and then last night you were like
Speaker:oh fuck now I know why you said that
Speaker:you'd offer to just put my phone
Speaker:like hidden somewhere in the room
Speaker:so that I wouldn't get it until like nighttime
Speaker:yeah and I said no
Speaker:and then you know what I would else I wish
Speaker:wish you tape you tape my fucking mouth shut
Speaker:I wish I hadn't talked to you haha
Speaker:I wish I hadn't talked to any people on the phone
Speaker:it made me everything's fine
Speaker:like I followed up with all that stuff and it's fine
Speaker:but with you like thank goodness you're very
Speaker:it's so funny because of we always have
Speaker:there's people around the
Speaker:I would say goodness when I'm there instead of God
Speaker:but thank God you're um
Speaker:like as understanding as you are
Speaker:because some crazy shit happened yesterday
Speaker:it was a little crazy because it was funny at first
Speaker:and then it like wasn't that funny
Speaker:and then I remember I was like
Speaker:having a great time and I wasn't having a great time
Speaker:I was having almost like an iowasca level trip
Speaker:where I thought started thinking about like
Speaker:terrible things that happened to me
Speaker:and like all this weird stuff and um
Speaker:and then I said some stuff to you you asked me oh
Speaker:this was this was even leading to a question
Speaker:my medical question that there's no answer to
Speaker:what is it I was gonna say
Speaker:I know you asked me what what my biggest secret was
Speaker:you really have any secrets medical question
Speaker:but yeah okay
Speaker:that's not it you asked me what secret was
Speaker:I told you a couple things
Speaker:this is so I'm not afraid of you in that state
Speaker:I wouldn't be afraid of telling you anything oh at all
Speaker:so like if you said like what is a secret
Speaker:whatever
Speaker:I think the only I think the only mistake I made was
Speaker:maybe I told you I love you too much or something
Speaker:I told you some plans I had for us
Speaker:like that was the worst it got
Speaker:but my question for you is
Speaker:I feel the same way about what I take fentanyl
Speaker:is that what I said fentanyl and versette yeah
Speaker:you know the patients
Speaker:a drug addict
Speaker:when they're about to be anesthetized and they're like
Speaker:I got this I got it in my bag
Speaker:I don't suggest it myself
Speaker:so I think fun of that but it actually happens yeah
Speaker:so my theory would be
Speaker:I don't think you would do anything in that state
Speaker:that you wouldn't do in a regular state
Speaker:much like your theory with being drunk
Speaker:I disagree oh
Speaker:you disagree I do okay
Speaker:I'll give you a free pass those medicine
Speaker:if I cheat on dude cheated on you
Speaker:no but for the things that you said
Speaker:it make you've never I mean
Speaker:I've never seen you like intoxicated
Speaker:so it's hard to compare
Speaker:but like the things that you said
Speaker:some of them were pretty fucked up
Speaker:not mean but like way out of character really
Speaker:and I just don't was the worst one
Speaker:when you cried hmm
Speaker:but like I cried about my dad dying or something
Speaker:you said something about bad
Speaker:but it was like out of nowhere
Speaker:where you had like a panic attack
Speaker:and you were out of control of your own body
Speaker:and I don't normally see that with people
Speaker:who are just on marijuana
Speaker:or alcohol but I do see that with very strong uh
Speaker:IV drug use so
Speaker:it's the same thing with these prescription medicines
Speaker:so I do think that that when we're saying
Speaker:you'd never do this or that with
Speaker:with alcohol marijuana yeah
Speaker:I think it's a more subdued high
Speaker:with these really strong aggressive medicines
Speaker:I mean
Speaker:think about the stories where you hear of people like
Speaker:eating other people and not remembering
Speaker:eating other people yeah
Speaker:on methamphetamines oh
Speaker:like the Florida bath salt situation stuff can do it um
Speaker:so it's the level of high that you have
Speaker:so what you had yesterday was really fucked up
Speaker:so I was actually
Speaker:quite pleasantly surprised at how appropriate
Speaker:and kind you were and how thankful you were
Speaker:I think I how you weren't embarrassing
Speaker:because I've seen
Speaker:as the doctor on the other side of the procedures
Speaker:I've seen
Speaker:I've done colonoscopies to patients like I've
Speaker:but I mean
Speaker:I've also done major surgeries where we cut from like
Speaker:neck to pubic bone
Speaker:and rip them open in there with those strong drugs
Speaker:for like 10 hour solid
Speaker:I just I guess I thought they can beat you up
Speaker:like they try from the medicine yeah
Speaker:I think I just didn't want
Speaker:we've been dating for a while
Speaker:it's been almost a year I don't know if I wanted to
Speaker:shit and cry in front of you
Speaker:in the same 24 hours for the first time
Speaker:we did um a lot accomplish a lot in the last 24 hours
Speaker:our relationship has certainly changed
Speaker:well that's happened
Speaker:can I be you know what I think was interesting
Speaker:what that I had sympathy diarrhea for you
Speaker:so crazy
Speaker:so I was we but we did keep you just blew what I miss
Speaker:no I'm still on it
Speaker:I'm still on it I did show
Speaker:choose a different restroom
Speaker:that was upstairs in your house
Speaker:and did you know every time I went upstairs
Speaker:I turned I started by turning on the faucet
Speaker:close the one door close the other door
Speaker:and I turn on the shower and the blower
Speaker:for the first cut
Speaker:and then like the 13th time I was like shit
Speaker:fuck it this is too crazy you know
Speaker:and you and people were awake in the house
Speaker:it wasn't just you
Speaker:so I was afraid of people listening and then yeah
Speaker:my house I couldn't hear anything
Speaker:do you really believe that you
Speaker:so I think that type of separation isn't bad to like
Speaker:you know you knew I was pooping
Speaker:this never had me in my whole life
Speaker:but but it was still some separation and then yeah
Speaker:you go my stomach feels weird and you had like a weird
Speaker:like a like a sympathy
Speaker:I have connected and etherilous response of like
Speaker:I genuinely like shit myself silly
Speaker:and I felt like telling you
Speaker:because you are embarrassed
Speaker:and it's different than like
Speaker:I don't know like
Speaker:farting and pooping in front of you without any like
Speaker:yeah censorship
Speaker:you were like so polite
Speaker:but like every 10 minutes until like what
Speaker:1:30 in the morning you're like
Speaker:excuse me and you would like excuse yourself like
Speaker:I know what you're doing but at one point I was like
Speaker:I feel bad for this guy
Speaker:and I wanna come down to your level yes
Speaker:come down to your level so I was like
Speaker:I'm just gonna full blown tell you
Speaker:I just shit myself rotten
Speaker:it was nice it was nice of you
Speaker:I appreciate the and the first time
Speaker:I genuinely think it was a psychosomatic response
Speaker:which blows my mind I really do think
Speaker:I felt so bad for you
Speaker:and I saw you fucking shitting like 500 times yeah
Speaker:not that I was like leaving poop
Speaker:poop that suddenly I was like
Speaker:I think I'll have diarrhea
Speaker:and then I had a second episode of diarrhea
Speaker:and then the next morning I shot myself two more times
Speaker:wow and I told you you know
Speaker:it's a the final episode of diarrhea
Speaker:was a bit of a disappointment
Speaker:like Seinfeld
Speaker:you're like looking at me right now no
Speaker:I love I love it I'm trying not to say too much
Speaker:um physician it doesn't gross me out
Speaker:as someone who's not medically inclined
Speaker:it's probably a little bit of TMI that's the problem
Speaker:I'm afraid you're gonna go physician on me
Speaker:and then you're gonna turn into girlfriend and be like
Speaker:fucking this is too much this guy
Speaker:but I don't think you'll ever I swear I draw the line
Speaker:I don't wanna smell it or hear it or see it yeah
Speaker:because when I'm at work
Speaker:and I have to take care of a sick patient
Speaker:yep I have the ability
Speaker:I feel that I separate the two
Speaker:everything exactly about improv
Speaker:but if I like
Speaker:go in the bathroom and probably brushing my teeth
Speaker:and you're just like
Speaker:right I feel like
Speaker:that's kind of a respect thing that you've lost
Speaker:that's really nice
Speaker:but I wanted you to know that I was having diarrhea
Speaker:because I wanted to empathize with you a little bit
Speaker:I knew I'd never get to the level of having 500
Speaker:bowel movements in 10 hours
Speaker:but I didn't want you to feel alone
Speaker:for anyone that's about to have a colonoscopy
Speaker:first of all get it done
Speaker:it was not that bad except for the crying and shit
Speaker:it was really not that bad and it's good to know
Speaker:I think it's good to know
Speaker:but I would warn
Speaker:not only have somebody that can drive you home
Speaker:have someone can have someone you can trust or nobody
Speaker:you know what else I would add
Speaker:put your phone away
Speaker:have somebody who really cares about you
Speaker:like I closet 8 remember
Speaker:you caught me with like fistfuls of like m and m's
Speaker:was nice
Speaker:by the way actual pantry
Speaker:and I would like chew
Speaker:like I had popcorn and I was dead
Speaker:get away from me that's really nice
Speaker:cause I didn't want you to like
Speaker:hear or smell or be like
Speaker:oh I'm hungry and feel like I was insensitive
Speaker:that's nice you know
Speaker:the first six times I use the restroom upstairs
Speaker:I pretended I had a phone call not just to you
Speaker:but there are other people in the house
Speaker:and then one of the people
Speaker:I go oh
Speaker:I gotta grab this whatever
Speaker:gotta run upstairs and grab this
Speaker:and then one of the people in the house said
Speaker:is Jimmy just shitting is that a phone call
Speaker:mean shit I feel like what you should do is have like
Speaker:uh miralax colonoscopy party
Speaker:like how funny would it have been
Speaker:you mean more than one person
Speaker:yeah like if I also had a colonoscopy the next day
Speaker:and we had a different family member Drive both of us
Speaker:and we both had to go through the prep together
Speaker:yeah so we each had a separately like poop
Speaker:but be in misery together
Speaker:it is a good idea and you know
Speaker:you can't do that in a one bathroom house
Speaker:you gotta have several bathrooms really
Speaker:yeah I had one bathroom for a while recently
Speaker:this is one bathroom is a tough life
Speaker:I'm a friend of mine
Speaker:a comedian that a lot of people know who he is
Speaker:he had one at the same time
Speaker:and there was this little bit of kinship
Speaker:not at the same time the exact same day
Speaker:yeah same time
Speaker:same day found out
Speaker:that's what I think is so cool
Speaker:keep going did not plan it
Speaker:but I think that's really funny
Speaker:people don't talk about colonoscopies
Speaker:not only you talk about it
Speaker:you're like buddy
Speaker:me too we're both getting our asses explored
Speaker:same time same day
Speaker:let's go that's nice
Speaker:I mentioned him and I go in the morning and I go
Speaker:last night was tough but I love how thin I feel
Speaker:because I didn't need for someone who was like dude
Speaker:me too
Speaker:you know I'm worried about
Speaker:I'm worried that I fasted for 30 hours
Speaker:and then went shopping and bought pants that may never
Speaker:that I can reveal the wear god
Speaker:you were fun to show this fasting
Speaker:see that's the high that's fun though
Speaker:you were happy you were nice
Speaker:you were conscientious and you had like fun
Speaker:doing something you probably wouldn't have done
Speaker:if you were totally sober
Speaker:after your procedure no
Speaker:that's what we did I hate all that shit
Speaker:you got some kick ass stuff
Speaker:we uh and you don't even remember it
Speaker:it's like you just woke up
Speaker:and all this magical shit was in the closet
Speaker:do you know what I used to do when I get drunk
Speaker:haha what
Speaker:when I would get kind of blackout drunk sometimes
Speaker:I would order stuff for myself
Speaker:I think my blacked out version of myself
Speaker:knew this about me when I was like super blacked out
Speaker:sometimes I would buy stuff for myself on Amazon
Speaker:what you buy
Speaker:and then I would subsequently completely be surprised
Speaker:but I was able to surprise myself with gifts
Speaker:like I would go what is this
Speaker:that's exactly what I wanted
Speaker:I was just gonna ask that so were you like
Speaker:oh fuck yeah
Speaker:drunk Jamie or were you like fuck you drunk Jamie
Speaker:like
Speaker:did you buy the good shit or did you buy stupid shit
Speaker:so it was mostly get you
Speaker:but one time I will admit you did that
Speaker:I woke up in the morning
Speaker:and I bought $3,000 worth of electric scooters what
Speaker:yeah wait
Speaker:uh huh you did
Speaker:uh huh I didn't want them
Speaker:of course you
Speaker:I don't need 3,000 the fuck it was for my children
Speaker:like for me and my children
Speaker:I but you know
Speaker:those scooters you ride the lime ones or whatever
Speaker:I was like why are we renting
Speaker:why don't we own these
Speaker:please tell me you could return them
Speaker:I freaking canceled it but the next morning I was like
Speaker:what is this it was like an email was like
Speaker:your purchase has gone through
Speaker:was like 37 hundred dollars
Speaker:holy shit yeah
Speaker:so I canceled like that's what people do with Taco Bell
Speaker:but it's like 150 bucks yeah
Speaker:it was a mistake by the way yeah
Speaker:that was the biggest drunk mistake I've ever made
Speaker:$3,000 worth of scooters
Speaker:did not purchase them returned it
Speaker:you did me a favor that's not that bad though
Speaker:I mean that's fucking bad
Speaker:but like you didn't do something crazy no
Speaker:you do me a favor though by
Speaker:when I was messed up
Speaker:and you thought I might not remember
Speaker:you knew some of this
Speaker:that I might be a little bit loopy
Speaker:you did not take me to Sax Fifth Avenue
Speaker:you didn't take me to Barney
Speaker:she didn't take me to nordstrom's
Speaker:you took me to Nordstrom's Rack
Speaker:knowing that the craziest I could get
Speaker:we're gonna get some nice deals on some clothes
Speaker:it was not gonna be like the craziest
Speaker:I bought so much stuff
Speaker:and I don't like trying stuff on
Speaker:and I was still very loopy and I bought
Speaker:I don't like trying anything on
Speaker:I will buy stuff try it on
Speaker:return it rather than like try stuff on at the um
Speaker:at the store and so we went into the
Speaker:we went into the room the what's it called
Speaker:the changing room so you go into the changing room
Speaker:do you remember me grabbing your dick
Speaker:in the fitting room no
Speaker:you did not sure did that's a joke no
Speaker:I dug down into your pants Jeez legit
Speaker:well add that to the list of shit you don't remember
Speaker:I don't remember that sucks
Speaker:so it was the best blow job of your life
Speaker:you did not everywhere that's not true
Speaker:that person did you know
Speaker:no I just reached my hand on your pants
Speaker:and touch your penis a few times
Speaker:and I was like oh
Speaker:I've never been in a fitting room with a guy before
Speaker:we should get busy hahaha
Speaker:try on this sweater but it's more of kind of a jokey
Speaker:yeah
Speaker:so then I started trying stuff on I try one thing I go
Speaker:what do you think and I like that one
Speaker:I don't like that one by the way
Speaker:when I shop for clothes
Speaker:I even in my vent and old state
Speaker:I like to do I stole this from a pocket
Speaker:but I do a no or a fuck yes
Speaker:it's gonna be a fuck yes or I don't buy it
Speaker:so a couple was like
Speaker:I don't know if I gone right you were funny
Speaker:I grab some jeans and you're like
Speaker:these are good and I'm like
Speaker:I don't know if I like the color
Speaker:and you just go
Speaker:and you just chuck them on the ground in the store
Speaker:no memory and then you politely picked them up okay
Speaker:like that wasn't a fuck yes
Speaker:and I didn't know what you meant
Speaker:but then you explained it later yeah
Speaker:so we did that though
Speaker:we're trying to find we're in the fitness room
Speaker:it's it's tight in there tight space
Speaker:tries to find all the sudden there's knock at the door
Speaker:excuse me
Speaker:I go yeah
Speaker:ladies like you guys can't both be in there
Speaker:what's going on
Speaker:she for sure thanks for having sex oh yeah
Speaker:she saw my shoes and they're pointing towards you
Speaker:so like
Speaker:I actually buried my face into your penis at one point
Speaker:and you looked at the mirror and you were like
Speaker:oh yeah as a joke I was clothed you were closed oh
Speaker:just as a you know
Speaker:we did though we just we invited her in
Speaker:well we did
Speaker:she said you can't have two people in there
Speaker:unless you have a disability or need
Speaker:so the door open
Speaker:she says you can't have two people in there
Speaker:uh huh unless you have a disability or oh
Speaker:you can't try and close by yourself
Speaker:he needs assistance and Erica thinking fast says oh
Speaker:he just had a medical procedure
Speaker:points to my bracelet yeah
Speaker:you go yes
Speaker:and I had like a thing
Speaker:and you had all of your like medical bands still on
Speaker:and I was like I really am in here
Speaker:because I don't want him to fall over
Speaker:and she goes oh my God
Speaker:I'm so sorry you can stay
Speaker:I'm so sorry but the funny part is this
Speaker:like we high fived afterwards like yes
Speaker:I didn't have to leave yep
Speaker:and I totally could have like
Speaker:done stuff in the fitting room
Speaker:but we were respectful adults
Speaker:I just wanted to try on a bunch of sweaters
Speaker:yeah
Speaker:well you did need assistance
Speaker:you were fucked up
Speaker:I have no memory of that
Speaker:but at the time I feel like I wasn't fucked up
Speaker:that's the problem with this stuff that you take
Speaker:yeah well
Speaker:so I like being in the funeral with you
Speaker:and I thought
Speaker:it was cool that they actually let me stay
Speaker:cause I didn't want you to like fall over
Speaker:cause you were kind of woozy
Speaker:do you um
Speaker:speaking of like your penis and sedation and stuff okay
Speaker:well I was just thinking we didn't talk about like the
Speaker:what I thought was the funny thing
Speaker:when I asked you to tell me your deepest
Speaker:darkest secret oh God
Speaker:when you came out of the procedure
Speaker:and they wheeled you back into the post op room
Speaker:and you had like all your cords on with like
Speaker:medical stuff everywhere beeping
Speaker:and you're like am I okay
Speaker:and I'm like yeah
Speaker:tell me your deepest darkest secrets
Speaker:what if what if a listener said man
Speaker:you shouldn't do that to
Speaker:what if he says something that he
Speaker:he doesn't wanna tell you
Speaker:well so you and I had talked about this beforehand
Speaker:we're also very open
Speaker:so I think I know like your secrets
Speaker:cause they're not secrets to me
Speaker:what if something super embarrassing though
Speaker:that I expect you so much that like
Speaker:I was prepared to cut it off before you went there
Speaker:like if you ever started to be like well
Speaker:this one time that I cheated on I would be like
Speaker:I don't wanna know about that
Speaker:you would wanna know I think I would know no
Speaker:I truly
Speaker:it matters to me to not take advantage of someone
Speaker:I like fucking with you hard
Speaker:I know
Speaker:yeah it's fun
Speaker:but when you're able to take it
Speaker:and that would have been taken advantage of you
Speaker:so we had a set plan of like okay
Speaker:I'm gonna
Speaker:push it because I was supposed to videotape you
Speaker:we wanted to put I told you green light
Speaker:I didn't I gave you permission
Speaker:I give you I said green line
Speaker:and I would never done that if you're like
Speaker:oh please don't
Speaker:but if it ever got to like that point where I was like
Speaker:oh man you really did say something you didn't want to
Speaker:we talked about me saying okay
Speaker:we're done we'll table this for another conversation
Speaker:there's a body buried
Speaker:well if yes
Speaker:I would have fucking asked about that yeah
Speaker:there's some many there's a gray area though yeah
Speaker:obviously not that but do you remember the deepest
Speaker:darkest secret you told me
Speaker:I think so
Speaker:one of them was super super romantic and sweet okay
Speaker:so I didn't feel like it was a secret
Speaker:it was just a kind thing
Speaker:that maybe you didn't wanna tell me
Speaker:out of fear of like
Speaker:letting me down or embarrassment or honestly
Speaker:let's pause yourself out there
Speaker:let's pause just let people throw up okay
Speaker:and then you followed it up with
Speaker:I've got one more secret and I looked at you
Speaker:I've no memory of this so I've got a boner right now
Speaker:haha that's not true
Speaker:yes it is
Speaker:and you did your dick was hard and it was under the um
Speaker:the hospital blanket so I couldn't really see but you
Speaker:I laughed just like that and I go
Speaker:no you don't and you go yes
Speaker:I do Erica
Speaker:I do and I go
Speaker:why the fuck do you have a heart on right now
Speaker:and you're like clean Bill house
Speaker:I was just talking to you about like the
Speaker:the romantic stuff
Speaker:and I was just looking at you and I'm like
Speaker:nice fucking excuse and you go
Speaker:I just don't know what I've got
Speaker:I've got a fucking heart on
Speaker:and the nurse is coming back in
Speaker:and she comes back in and I'm like oh
Speaker:and you just grabbed your dick
Speaker:you put your hand over no memory hello
Speaker:that's all true I didn't feel yes
Speaker:I'm not messing with you but apparently
Speaker:your deepest secret after a colonoscopy
Speaker:is that you got a heart on okay
Speaker:well
Speaker:anybody nothing about it
Speaker:yeah there's nothing I could do about it yeah
Speaker:it's all a blur well
Speaker:you did change in front of me
Speaker:like completely naked like a rip off your clothes
Speaker:and I remember I go
Speaker:do you remember this part
Speaker:I have no memory wait for reals
Speaker:you don't remember no
Speaker:there's just you in the room or other people
Speaker:it was just me and the nurse is like okay
Speaker:like it's time for you to go
Speaker:do I have a heart on and you go
Speaker:or how do I do this
Speaker:and you started to try to rip out your IV
Speaker:just barely wow
Speaker:and you're like what do I do
Speaker:and I go no
Speaker:no no no stop
Speaker:she'll take care of it
Speaker:so she takes all the cords and IVs out and everything
Speaker:and she goes go ahead and get dressed
Speaker:this is right after your hard on comment
Speaker:so you rip off your hospital gown and your
Speaker:I mean it was definitely big
Speaker:and it was big it was
Speaker:you mean it was like a wrecked
Speaker:oh jeez
Speaker:it was like the middle one
Speaker:oh yeah
Speaker:it was like swollen but not like at attention right
Speaker:so like you would I could tell you definitely had one
Speaker:and you were like coming down okay
Speaker:and I go wow
Speaker:you definitely left with more than you came in with wow
Speaker:do you remember what you said to me
Speaker:you go yeah
Speaker:he's such a great guy
Speaker:I just asked him to add on the penis enlargement
Speaker:special when he was already at my asshole
Speaker:and I go I told you
Speaker:it's great when you get to have procedures
Speaker:from my best friends I did not go
Speaker:we got invited to my show haha
Speaker:oh no
Speaker:play
Speaker:my level of comedy goes down when I'm under sedation
Speaker:I mean I can't believe you don't remember any of that
Speaker:but the funniest part to me is
Speaker:I told you this entire story last night at dinner
Speaker:you did and you were like
Speaker:I can't believe I did I told you
Speaker:I don't remember being at dinner last night
Speaker:I don't remember we had steak
Speaker:you cook oh
Speaker:you mean at your house at your house
Speaker:I remember that I think when we went out to dinner
Speaker:holy shit I have more questions about hours later
Speaker:you asked what we had for dinner
Speaker:after you had cooked dinner
Speaker:it was yesterday was nuts
Speaker:yesterday was an absolute blur
Speaker:I have more questions but I'm afraid to ask
Speaker:coming up on the next episode of afraid to ask
Speaker:how to make cool if you double ruined it
Speaker:what the fuck I thought that was nice
Speaker:I just mean it's very nice and kind
Speaker:but it would have gotten in my head
Speaker:are you saying you wouldn't have told me
Speaker:no I wasn't gonna tell you
Speaker:you son of a bitch
Speaker:it would have gotten in my head and made this shit
Speaker:stop talking I'm so red right now
Speaker:oh my God I thought it was a good thing no
Speaker:no I would love my mom
Speaker:but you know I said different
Speaker:is that your mom same thing
Speaker:I have hung out with you in oars
Speaker:where my best friends have probed your asshole
Speaker:and I was fine with it
Speaker:but inviting 2 mothers to your show is the fucking like
Speaker:Nitus to our relationship ending
