Shownotes
Self-doubt isn't a fixed trait, it's a story shaped by outside noise. Ellen Edmondson believes that story can be unlearned.
Ellen joins her host to explore where self-doubt really comes from, why quiet daily check-ins matter more than big dramatic shifts, and three simple questions that can reconnect you with your own inner truth.
About the Guest:
Ellen Edmondson is the author of A Place of Love & Light and an intuition coach who helps people quiet outside noise and reconnect with their inner guidance. Her second book, a deeper dive into this work, is coming out later this year.
Key Takeaways:
- Self-doubt often comes from letting external noise drown out your own inner truth.
- Two people can face the same experience and walk away with completely different stories about themselves.
- Even 2 to 3 minutes of daily stillness can help you reconnect with what feels true.
- Growth can feel awkward at first, like writing with your non-dominant hand, and that's normal.
- Three grounding questions can guide you: what feels true, what's my soul whispering, and what's kindest for me right now.
Connect With the Guest:
Website: https://www.ellenedmondson.com/ which connects to her book, coaching, and free workshops.
Episode Chapters:
[00:00] Welcome and Meeting Ellen Edmondson: introducing tonight's conversation on self-doubt
[03:00] (approx.) The Biggest Misconception About Self-Doubt: it's learned, not who you are
[08:00] (approx.) Where Self-Doubt Really Comes From: family, media, and comparison culture
[14:00] (approx.) Recognizing the Signs: fear, anxiety, and disconnection from your own voice
[19:00] (approx.) Three Questions for Getting Quiet: reconnecting with your inner truth
[25:00] (approx.) Why Growth Feels Awkward at First: and why that's not a red flag
[30:00] (approx.) Staying Consistent: intentions, accountability, and small daily choices
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Transcripts
00:00:06 Shreya: We tell ourselves stories every day. Stories about who we are, what we deserve, what we are capable of. And somewhere along the way, those stories stop being just thoughts. And they become the architecture of our entire lives. But what happens when we realize the story we have been living isn't actually ours? What happens when we decide to rewrite it?
00:00:28 Shreya: Welcome to Mind over matter. I'm your host, Shreya, and this is where we explore the psychology of change, the science of resilience, and the courage it takes to build a life that feels true. And today, we are talking about something so many of us carry the weight of self-doubt and what it really takes to transform it into something else entirely. Joining me today is Ellen Edmondson. So welcome, Ellen. I'm honored to have you here on my show.
00:00:57 Ellen Edmondson: And thank you so much for inviting me. It's an honor to be here with you in your audience.
00:01:01 Shreya: Thank you so much, Ellen. I want to begin, like when someone hears the phrase self doubt, they often think it is just about confidence or motivation. But you have talked about self doubt as something much deeper than that. So what is the biggest misconception people have about self doubt? Actually.
00:01:22 Ellen Edmondson: You know, I think the biggest misconception that people have about self doubt is the fact that we are letting ourselves be driven by the external noise around us. That's really what causes our self doubt is we're letting the expectations, obligations, responsibilities, just the noise of life drowning out who we really are and what we really want and what's true for us. And so I think that's really the misconception about self doubt is that when we make time to quiet that noise that is around us, we can truly tap back into ourselves and into that confidence. How we take each step and make each choice, and how we start moving through life.
00:02:09 Shreya: Yeah, I think I think that really shifts the conversation because if self-doubt is a learned pattern rather than an identity, it is also mean that it's something that we can begin to unlearn. Like that feels incredibly hopeful.
00:02:26 Ellen Edmondson: Yeah, absolutely. It is something we can unlearn.
00:02:30 Shreya: And so when someone is stuck in that pattern, how do they even begin to recognize that what they are experiencing isn't just a reality, but a story they have internalized?
00:02:44 Ellen Edmondson: Well, I think one of the biggest ways that we can start realizing that these are stories is making. We have to start implementing within our lives some just some gentle, everyday practices that get us to start shifting our awareness from what is or what is what we think is to what actually is true. And I think that making space for quiet time in our lives every day, whether it's just two to five minutes a day, and we can all spare that at some point in our day and check in with ourselves. The more you start checking in with yourselves and tuning into what's true for you, the more you start realizing that you've learned what isn't true for you. You learned that you're living by the expectations of others and the thoughts of others, and you're learning to just you need to get more boundaries. You're learning. Learn that responsibilities that you're taking on starts to become your own identity as a performance productivity culture that we're in. So it's really taking time to check in with yourself and start realizing what's true for you and the patterns that you've learned or what you've accepted that really doesn't quite fit or feel right for you. And that's what causes that disconnection or that hesitation, or sometimes anxiety or sometimes depression, because we've gotten disconnected from our own voice, our own inner truths, and our own inner guidance.
00:04:13 Shreya: Yes. And also, I have always found it very fascinating that two people can go through similar experiences and walk away telling completely different stories about themselves. One might think that was difficult, but he grew from it and another one might conclude, this proves that I am not enough. That that even is the same. But the meaning we attach to changes everything. So where does the kind of self doubt usually comes from? Like what are the root causes or deeper patterns that make it take hold in the first place?
00:04:52 Ellen Edmondson: That makes the self doubt take hold. I think it's just it's what we keep hearing and what we keep seeing over and over and over, whether it's in our own family structure, whether it's in our society around us, the media structure, our schooling. When you're starting out young, whether it's in, you know, the authority figures that are around us, just the environment we're in a time where productivity, comparison, culture, we're in a time where there's so much judgment or expectation that you have to be a certain way, do certain things or experience life in a certain way to be considered successful or to be considered, um, you know, acceptable. And we start learning from a young age that who we are is not enough. And we have to unlearn that, that who you are is exactly enough. And I love what you said earlier, is. Which is absolutely true. You can have two people go through the same experience and walk away with different perspectives. But the one thing that we always have to learn is there is no standard of perfection. There is no standard that you have to live up to. It's just whatever you experience, the triumphs that you have in life or the challenges that you have in life. What did you learn from it and how are you going to grow from it? Because that's what we're here to do, is to learn, to grow and to move into the next best version of ourselves. Not to beat ourselves up, not to live in shame or fear or guilt, or continually live in self doubt. But know that you're exactly where you need to be at this moment and just make the next. Take that next small step and make that next small choice that brings you closer to what feels true for you and who you are. And as you take those small steps and you start moving in that direction of being more honest and authentic and true for yourself, you'll start to notice that you'll get a little more peace and you'll get a little more clarity, and you're going to start getting a little more understanding about how you need to move through life. And it's going to, you're going to start feeling more comfort and more fulfillment, and you'll start moving more on your path and your purpose. But that's how you start chipping away at that self-doubt is by really turning into what feels true for you and taking steps in that direction, regardless of the noise around you that may be telling you you should do something different. You have to honor yourself and that self-doubt. You start chipping away at it.
00:07:33 Shreya: I think it almost like we become our own echo chamber, sometimes repeating the same doubts back to ourselves until they feel like the only truth. And breaking that cycle, I think, takes more willpower and it takes more awareness.
00:07:51 Ellen Edmondson: Yes, it absolutely does. And every time you you start chipping away at it, you change your habits, you change your thought patterns. When you keep making those choices that lead you closer to that sense of peace and clarity, even if it brings some challenges. But you know that it's right for you. You start changing. That's where your mind over matter. That's where you start changing those habits. You start changing those thought patterns. You start changing. You start changing the directory of your whole life, just your the direction that you're going because it's going to feel more true. It's going to feel more a better fit, and you're going to know that you're on your path and you're in your alignment with your purpose.
00:08:32 Shreya: Yeah. And, uh, for someone listening right now who might be nodding along, uh, thinking, yes, this is me. How does this actually show up in everyday life? Like, what are the signs that self doubt Self-Doubt is running the show even when we don't realize it.
00:08:51 Ellen Edmondson: Now I will tell you the signs that it's running the show is when you feel you have to tune in to your feelings. When you're feeling not, you're feeling fearful about anything. You're feeling very uncertain about your life and how things are moving. If you're feeling any type of anxiety or depression, if you're feeling any type of feelings that are not a sense of peace, that you're moving in the direction, even though sometimes moving in that direction may not, it may be challenging, it may bring some discomfort. But if you can have that discomfort but feel like this feels right for me, this feels true for me, you. That's where you're knowing that you're moving away from the self-doubt. Do we all have. Whenever you start life transitions and you start something new, you're always going to be a little doubtful or fearful of maybe what's to come. But if you can understand that as I move through this and this feels right for me, like I said, you're going to start experiencing more of that clarity and more of that, that peace that comes with it. But self-doubt, you can experience it. You just don't want to live there with it. You might have a little hesitation, but you know that you're moving through it to what the outcome that you want to have happen for you.
00:10:18 Shreya: Yes. And like what strikes me is that self-doubt doesn't always stop us completely. Sometimes it simply convinces us to make ourselves a little smaller than we really are.
00:10:32 Ellen Edmondson: That's right. And every time you step over it, you you get more courage. You become more resilient. You become stronger in yourself. You're developing those muscles that let you know, I can do this and I can move through it. Like you may have heard the saying, you hear, you know, feel the fear and do it anyway. Feel that self doubt, but still don't let it keep you stuck. Let it help you be more resourceful. Find a way to move through it and move into your power.
00:11:01 Shreya: And those everyday moments can sometimes be so telling. Like when someone starts to notice those patterns in their own life. What is the first step they can take that doesn't require them to have it all figured out?
00:11:18 Ellen Edmondson: Well, you know, one of the things I love to suggest to people when I work with folks, with coaching and mentoring, I tell them a simple practice and I always give them to when you sit in stillness, sit in quiet, then have. You don't have to have a formal meditation practice, just getting quiet two to three minutes a day. And actually, you can do these practices throughout your day, which is going to help you develop a more connected relationship with your inner truth, with your inner guidance, with who you are. But there's three questions I tell people to stop. Take some time, quiet, go inward, and then just notice what you have going on and just release it for a minute and ask yourself this question. What feels true for me in this moment, right now? What? What feels true for me? And just get quiet and let yourself connect with your inner self and listen to the response that comes up. And I even encourage journaling because I think when you write down, just take some quick notes and write this down and you start seeing over time what's true for you and you start realizing that you're developing a relationship with your own self, your own inner guidance, your own truth. But what feels true for me right now. The other thing is, what is my soul whispering to me right now? Get quiet. How many people check in with themselves at that deeper level? And you can do this throughout your day. Maybe you know, what might come up is that, you know, I need to set some boundaries in my life. Or maybe it might just be I need to eat better. I need to drink that glass of water. I need to take, you know, a mental health day off from work. I need to or incorporate something into my work that brings me more peace. But the third one is what is the most loving and passionate thing I can do for myself right now. And when you get quiet and you sit with those three questions and let yourself check in with them, you're starting to build those muscles of listening to your own voice, your own inner truth, that inner guidance. Let that be your guide for how you move forward, because our own inner guidance and own inner truth is always trying to keep us on our path of purpose and our path of peace and clarity. Challenges will come, but you will always feel steady as you move forward through them. But if you can do those three practices, you don't need anything big and some major shift. You just need to sit with yourself, ask yourself those questions, check in and start noticing how you reconnect with what feels true for you and your inner truth.
00:13:55 Shreya: Yeah, and I think we often expect growth to feel inspiring, but I think in reality, it can feel a little awkward sometimes, almost like writing with your non-dominant hand. It feels slow and familiar and a little uncomfortable, but that doesn't mean you are doing it wrong. It usually means you are building something new.
00:14:19 Ellen Edmondson: Absolutely. When you start doing these kind of practices, you are building something new because you're building a relationship and a connection with yourself. Because a lot of times, most oftentimes the answers that we're looking for, that we're seeking outside of ourselves and from everywhere else and everyone else, we have it right within us. We have to get quiet and turn inward and connect with our own selves. And that inner guidance that's in us, within us, always trying to lead us to what's our next best path and choice. And I love what you said, because the key is it isn't some big shift or some big flash that's going to happen. It shows up in every choice you make and every small choice and every small step that you make. And they all add up and compound over time to move you in your direction. So it's not a big flash if you feel awkward, like you said at times, as you do it more and more and more, you realize how you're building that courage and resilience and that strength and that awareness. Awareness is key. When you have awareness, you can shift so much in your life. And that's what these practices do for you.
00:15:29 Shreya: Yeah. And I, I'm curious to know about the practical side of this. Like when someone is ready to start shifting the internal narrative, what is one approach or practical? Uh, like a practice you recommend that actually works not just in theory, but in a messy reality in daily life.
00:15:52 Ellen Edmondson: A practice that really works in daily life that people can embrace to help them to shift. Um, I go back to just the ones that I was mentioning here about sitting in stillness and asking ourselves those questions. People may think it's, oh, that sounds so simple, but you know, we get driven by so many other things besides being in touch with ourselves. The noise drives most people life. The clock does the family responsibilities, school responsibilities, younger people, younger folks, homework, um, you know, just activities requirements that anyone at any age is the noise that drives us until we can quiet that Down. And that's the practice is quieting the noise and really being able to tap into ourselves and sitting with those three simple questions. And there's more questions. I do this with people each month. I offer a free workshop where people come together to quiet the noise and start tuning into themselves. It's, it's really creating that practice. And if you're a person that needs accountability, find a group that does that, or you can even grab a family member if you have a sibling or a parent or an aunt or uncle or anyone or just a friend that you want to sit together and hold each other accountable for making time to sit and ask yourself these questions, journal them, and start seeing what comes up and sharing. That's it. It's a very real practice that helps bring real awareness and a real shift within you in your everyday life.
00:17:32 Shreya: Yeah, I think that's such a practical way of looking at change. It's less about chasing confidence and more about practicing a different way. And because we're talking about practices, I really want to know, like when someone tries and it feels a little awkward or a little uncomfortable at first, which is probably it will fail. Uh, so how do they stay with it instead of retreating back to that familiar one?
00:18:02 Ellen Edmondson: You know, I think for that one, I, I'm a firm believer in setting intentions. You know, setting that intention and committing to it. Even if you have to set a timer on a clock each day to an exact time that I'm going to just sit in stillness for two to five minutes, I'm gonna sit in the quiet. Even if you have to do a check in with a friend, have a friend that will check in with you that says, hey, you know, accountability partners, accountability buddies are wonderful to help you keep on track and to be encouragement and support for each other so that you know that you're not alone. Because when we feel like we're alone, we fall back into patterns that are, you know, don't move us forward. We may fall back into old patterns that keep us stuck. But when we know that, we commit to ourselves and make that intention and we can bring in some additional support. Not everybody can pay for a session or, you know, have somebody to formally hold you accountable like a coach, but you can always, you know, have somebody, a friend, a family member that you can trust and you connect with and make this a fun thing to do and discover and learn about yourself. Um, so you just, I think really it's intention and commitment to it. And honestly, knowing that you want this for yourself to really connect into that deeper, truer part of yourself and make that commitment to yourself. Because when you do that, you'll be amazed at how much your life will start to shift and change for the better in the direction that you want.
00:19:37 Shreya: Yes, and I'm really glad to have you here, Ellen. I think my listeners and I have also learned a lot from you, uh, in today's conversation. And I definitely think I have learned from you that the stories we tell ourselves and the limits us or liberates us, and rewriting them is one of the most courageous thing we can do. So thank you for sharing all this information with us. And if after this, my listeners want to connect with you and want to learn more about your work or find your book, then what's the best place to find you?
00:20:15 Ellen Edmondson: Best place to find me would be at my website, Ellen Edmondson dot com, and that will connect you to the book, to coaching, to the free workshops that I offer any information, but I will just give it. If anybody's interested in the book, that's a great self paced way to also reflect. And there's some prompts in there to help you to start diving into, you know, making, making that commitment with yourself and helping you to make that shift and change. So yes. Ellen Edmondson dot com is the best place to find all that information about me.
00:20:49 Shreya: Yes. And I'll make sure to attach all these details and links below in the show notes so that the listeners can find them easily. And thank you again for joining us today. And thank you so much to all my listeners. Change doesn't happen all at once, and it doesn't have to. What matters is you keep asking the questions, keep noticing the patterns, and keep choosing one small movement at a time to meet yourself with a little more compassion. That's how we transform and that's how we grow. I will see you next time on Mind Over matter. Till then, don't forget to hit the follow button. Subscribe and feel free to share your thoughts. Because your ears deserve premium content. Thank you.
