An exploration of the duality of affirmations and negations, this podcast episode articulates the pivotal role of the word 'no' in safeguarding one's priorities and mental health. However, it further delves into the equally significant power of 'yes,' presenting a nuanced examination of our reluctance to embrace opportunities that elicit fear or discomfort. The speaker contends that while it is essential to protect oneself from overwhelming demands, it is equally crucial to remain open to the potential of new experiences that could catalyze personal growth. By confronting the fears that inhibit our willingness to say 'yes,' listeners are encouraged to recognize the transformative potential inherent in taking risks. The conversation spans various dimensions, including the fear of failure, fear of success, and the paralyzing grip of imposter syndrome, ultimately advocating for a balanced approach that honors both personal boundaries and the courage to venture beyond them.

Takeaways:

1. The power of saying 'no' is essential for protecting one's health, energy, and priorities, but equally crucial is recognizing the transformative potential of a well-considered 'yes'.
2. Fear often inhibits our willingness to embrace new opportunities; understanding and reframing these fears can lead to significant personal growth and development.
3. By acknowledging that discomfort signals growth rather than danger, we can begin to approach challenges with a mindset geared towards exploration and learning.
4. Taking incremental steps towards embracing new experiences allows for gradual expansion of one's comfort zone, fostering confidence and self-efficacy over time.

About the Host

Angela Anderson Knittle is a corporate trainer, theater director, mother, and natural guide who finds wisdom in everyday moments. She brings heartfelt clarity into conversations about connection, compassion, and personal growth. Angela’s Living Room is where her lived experiences become gentle, honest insight for anyone wanting deeper relationships.

Podcast website: https://angelas-living-room.captivate.fm

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Come on in.

Welcome.

Oh, I'm glad you're here.

Please come in and have a seat.

Let's see where the conversation takes us.

So last time we chatted we were talking about the power of no.

How important it is to use no to protect your priorities, protect your energy and overall protect your peace of mind, your health, your well being.

Right?

But humanity is not binary.

We don't exist on a on, off, just yes, no.

If we're going to talk about how important our no is, we also need to recognize how powerful our yes can be and, and what a good yes can really do for us.

And why we may sometimes hesitate on saying yes, why we may resist saying yes to opportunities and what causes us to bypass something that could be really beneficial.

Right?

Because sometimes we say no when we shouldn't.

Sometimes we say no to things that are scary or things that are challenging or things that we've not done before.

And I want us to stop and really think about why we say no to opportunities.

All right, so we've talked about the importance of protecting our peace.

Now I want to talk about the importance of keeping ourselves open to possibilities and opportunities and embracing the scary yes.

All right, so we're going to talk about what some of those outcomes can be when we jump, when we do the scary thing, when we say yes to the thing that terrifies us, that takes us outside of what we're familiar with, that expands our horizons and increases our experience, our exposure to new ideas, new locations, new scenery, new ideas and attitudes and flavors and fragrances and people.

So many incredible, diverse, varied people that you could gain some skill, knowledge, insight, opportunity from when you allow yourself to say yes to the scary thing.

So first thing we're going to talk about is the fear factor.

Right?

Saying yes can be terrifying.

And it's important that we understand what fears are preventing us from saying yes to the things that we really deep down want.

So what are some of those common fears that will hold us back?

Some of the biggies, right?

Some of the most forward facing ones.

There's fear of failure.

If I try it and I don't succeed, then people will laugh, people will judge me, I will be seen as a loser.

But here's the thing that we don't always acknowledge is that the success stories that you see are built upon mountains of failure.

It is, you never really fail at your goal until you stop trying to achieve it.

Meaning that in the creation of the light bulb, they tried thousands of different filaments trying to find the one that would sustain the energy and produce the light and really function as our incandescent light bulb.

The only failure were the people who stopped trying, right?

Each time that they attempted one and it didn't work, they just eliminated that from the possibilities and looked on to what the next opportunity was to find what would work.

Every success story is built on failure after failure, after try, after retry, after launch, after relaunch, after fall down and stand back up again.

It's the age old story of the baby learning to walk, right?

The baby stood up and fell down and never tried to walk again.

That would be a failure.

But the baby doesn't do that.

They persist because the desire for the goal of mobility outstrips the frustration of the fall down.

We just got to stand up and keep trying.

It's not a failure until you quit.

So we can take that fear and reframe it so it doesn't have to limit us.

It's okay to fail.

It's okay to not be picked.

It's okay to come in second or third or fourth or 50th place as long as you're showing up and you're putting in your effort and you're building your skill and you're learning from that experience.

So that next time instead of coming in 50th, you come in 45th, and then the next time you come in 20th, and then the next time you're hitting into the teens, and then the next time you're top 10, baby, right?

Because you learn and you refine and you grow and you become better if you continue to work on yourself, if you continue to invest the time and energy and effort in you.

Here's another fear, and this one can be even more debilitating than the fear of failure or the feel the fear of the judgment or the criticism.

And that's the fear of what success will mean for you.

Because especially if you're coming from a lower socioeconomic starting point, if you are coming from broken and dysfunctional families and examples, right?

And you don't have a modeled path to follow of success, of self confidence and self reliance, man, that fear of success can be paralyzing.

What if you actually do it and then people expect you to do it again?

And a lot of us begin with a phenomenon that has been dubbed imposter syndrome.

And let me tell you, folks, imposter syndrome has been one of those personal demons that I have fought both professionally and personally.

Okay?

I started my career in theater, not in middle school or high school, as one might think, with someone with my bubbly personality.

I had a narcissistic stepfather who didn't allow our schedules to infringe on his ability to be spontaneous.

So we couldn't have anything with any type of regular rehearsal or meeting schedule or anything that required us to commit our time.

We just couldn't do it.

So I didn't get to participate in any of that stuff growing up.

And then I was a single mom for a number of years, working two and three jobs at a time, no time for those types of commitments.

It wasn't until I was 45 years old that I finally had a job where I was working Monday through Friday, 8 to 4, 35 o'.

Clock.

And I could conceivably commit my time to a project like that.

And so a friend had been encouraging me to audition at a local community theater.

And one day I decided to do it.

I went and I auditioned and I thought, throw my hat in and give it a try, and why not?

And I didn't get cast in that show, but it did get me a referral to another theater that was casting, and I got cast as a lead for that show.

And then I got cast in another show.

And then I stage managed a show, and then I learned how to do light and sound, and then I was asked to assistant direct, and then I was offered a show to direct.

And the first time I sat behind the table holding the director's script in my hand, running my own audition, picking the.

And these were people that I had been watching on stage in this community for years.

And why in the world would they listen to me?

I'd only been doing this at that time for two years.

I was a baby in the world of community theater.

I felt like such an imposter.

And there were a couple of times I really thought I was in over my head and I was gonna fail all of them.

I was going to fail the theater.

I was going to fail the theater owner, my dear friend Rosemary, who entrusted me with this project and the actors that I had cast.

And here's the thing, I just kept showing up every day and I kept making the decisions, and I kept providing the direction.

And I was open about the things I was unsure about.

And I asked for guidance from the pros I was working with on their thoughts.

And we made it through that first show, and it was fantastic.

And imposter syndrome is real, but you cannot.

You can't let it stop you, right?

You can't let the fear stop you because everybody's an imposter until you master it.

And the Only way you get to master it is by going in there and exercising it and doing the thing, showing up for yourself.

So recognize this is where we go back inside, folks.

I'm going to keep redirecting you to that self work, to the self awareness, to the.

We call it shadow work.

Right?

Digging inside the what makes me me, what makes me tick, what's driving me.

Because behavior is a language in the that we do, they serve a purpose.

And whether that purpose is towards our goals or against them, we have to evaluate and then choose the behaviors that are going to drive us towards the goals of who we want to be and how we want to move in this world.

So you have to figure out which fear holding you back from the.

Yes.

From taking the chance, from.

From putting yourself where you really want to be.

So let's look at some strategies for pushing past the fear, folks.

We can start with baby steps.

You don't have to jump off the cliff without a rope, right?

You, you can gear yourself up for this.

You can take.

You can take the baby step.

You can start incrementally.

All.

Right, We're going to circle back to some of the actual strategies.

Like I said, gradual exposure, taking baby steps.

We're going to look at and deep dive into what some of those are.

In a few minutes, we're going to talk a little bit about positive self talk.

You know, affirmations may seem silly, but we believe what we tell ourselves.

And what we believe enough becomes our truth.

So if the voice inside your head is continually telling you that you're not enough and you can't do it and you'll never make it and you're silly for trying, that becomes a voice you believe.

But that's a script somebody else gave you.

Whether it was a teacher, a sibling, a bully, a parent, a grandparent, a religious organization, a leader, somebody told you somewhere along the line you weren't enough.

Whether they said it directly or they communicated it by doing everything for you and not trusting you to build your own skills.

Right?

Somebody planted that script in your head, but you're not beholden to repeat it.

You can put that script down.

And the way we put that script down is we have to write new dialogue for ourselves.

That inner conversation that you have with yourself, you need to reprogram how you talk to yourself.

And it is all about stating who you want to be and what you are capable of.

I am a good friend.

I am an honest person.

I choose kindness whenever I can.

I don't miss deadlines.

I show up when I commit myself, right?

These are truths about myself that I hold me to.

And what's true about me isn't necessarily what's true about you.

You have to figure out what's true about you.

Who are you when you show up in this world?

Positive self talk is rewriting the narrative of what you're capable of.

And that is what's going to shut your imposter syndrome up.

All right, most of us, we have a wicked little bitch that lives inside our brain that likes to undermine and smack talk.

And every once in a while, we need to tell the little bitch to shut up.

We need to tell her that her voice is not needed.

We are aware of our own capabilities.

And we got this.

She can go take a pill and chill, okay?

And listen, sometimes the self talk needs to be tough love.

Sometimes, right?

When you find yourself spiraling in your negativity, hold yourself accountable to know that that is not your truth.

That is somebody else's story about you.

It is not your story about you.

All right, so let's talk about some real life examples from my own life where, yes, transformed me.

In the mid-90s.

I was living here in Florida with my mom and my sisters and the guy I thought was my dad turned out he wasn't.

That's a story for another day.

Anyway, so how.

My mother and I were at a very, very contentious point in our relationship in that she was really wanting to control all of my choices and how I parented my child.

And I really was resistant to that.

And we were fighting a lot.

And it was.

My mom didn't always fight fair when.

When we fought, you know, she could be unkind verbally and it was just not.

It was not an environment that I was happy in.

And so my dearest, bestest, longest lasting friend, Mina lived in Tucson at the time with her fiance and his son.

And she offered me space in their two bedroom apartment.

The boys could share a room and I could sleep on the couch until I got myself set up, until I could get a job and get on my feet and get my own place.

And it was a chance to put a couple thousand miles between me and my mother.

And at the time, that sounded like the best thing on the planet.

And honestly, it really, really was.

It is exactly what our relationship needed at that time was distance.

Distance for me to grow into my womanhood and my motherhood without my own overbearing mother critiquing and criticizing and undermining everything I did and said.

So it was terrifying.

I am.

I could pack only what would fit in my vehicle?

I had just a few hundred dollars, just enough to get me gas and a hotel and food there and not much of a cushion on the other side.

I mean, I was living the paycheck to paycheck.

Yeah, I was.

So Brandon was 4, which puts this in 97.

So yeah, we had cell phones, but there wasn't self service the whole way.

I remember Gary, the pseudo father, he.

He was not happy at my decision because I.

After.

That I needed to use a injector spray into the intake in order to get the engine to start.

And this is a vehicle that I'm driving cross country with my whole world.

So Gary says, well, what are you gonna do when that thing breaks down in the middle of nowhere between here and there?

And I looked right at him and I said, well, you won't have to worry about it because the last thing I'm gonna do is call you.

Yeah, I wasn't about to be bullied by this, man.

I will, guys, I promise I will tell you that story one day because, boy, it's a doozy.

But that, that's a whole episode unto itself.

It might be a book, it could be a miniseries, I don't know.

But anyway, moving to Tucson and sleeping on that couch opened the entire world up to me.

It changed my life at that point.

I had been doing restaurant work, right?

Waiting tables, line cook, like I did the restaurant bit for a while.

I did some hotel work.

I thought I might do the hospitality route.

That one didn't work out.

Well, it's not.

Not what I thought it would be.

I had tried all sorts of things.

I was overnight security at a plastics factory for a little while as an extrovert.

Not an ideal job choice, but it was an interesting experience, that's for sure.

But moving to Tucson, living with Mina and her then husband became or then fiance, soon to be husband, now ex husband, he taught me so much.

Turned out to be a shit of a husband.

Not gonna lie.

I don't like the way he treated my best childhood friend.

He didn't do her right, but that's neither here nor there.

What I gathered, what I gained from that relationship.

He taught me computers.

He taught me how to build one, how to assemble one from scratch, the hardware aspects.

He taught me how to program one, he taught me dos, he taught me Windows support.

He.

He got me a Job at America Online doing tech support.

He gave me the base skills I needed to get a job.

And I learned so much there.

And that job was my bridge into training.

Right.

Which became a creeping up on 30 year career now as a call center trainer.

And I can trace all of it back to that.

Yes, to taking the leap to move across the country and embrace new opportunities, new people, new skills.

And it was terrifying.

I was a single mother with a four year old.

It was terrifying.

And I worked two and three jobs at a time to support us.

But it was.

It was an incredible time in my life and it shaped me into who I am today and gave me the skills to build the career that.

That has been life sustaining for me and my family.

You know, Tyler, my son, my beautiful boy.

He said yes to stepping in and helping at the theater and embraced phenomenal new skills and helped build confidence in a way that.

That has impacted his success in the Navy.

And my boy just.

He got his results from his most recent advancement testing.

My boy scored in the 97th percentile.

He just is achieving at every turn and is.

Oh, he fills me with so much pride.

I'm gonna start crying.

I keep talking about him.

So we're just gonna move right on along and just know that it's saying yes to the thing that is scary that can redefine your life.

And what we need to embrace is the role that mindset plays in transforming fear into excitement.

All right?

It's in how you think about it.

It's in whether you allow it to stop you or you turn it into a fuel that drives you.

But it's what you think you are capable of.

You are.

And what you believe you cannot do.

You won't.

You get to define who you are, and you do it in the micro choices.

You do it in the little things.

And how you show up for yourself.

How you show up for the people who matter to you and how you show up for your own priorities and how you show up for yourselves is going to depend on whether or not you trust yourself to be there.

And you do that by challenging yourself one little step at a time.

Because stepping outside of our comfort zone is the path to growth.

You cannot grow contained in your bubble.

In order for the seed to become the tree, it's got to break through the shell.

It's got to pierce through the ground, and it's got to reach for the light.

The best things, the biggest opportunities, the best experiences are just outside of your comfort zone.

You have to walk through the discomfort to get there.

The caterpillar becomes the butterfly by deconstructing itself and rebuilding itself in its new image.

And there is nothing comfortable about that process.

My friends, sitting in your couch in your living room, which we all know is one of my favorite places to be, Right?

But that's unless you're.

Unless you're doing the good work inside.

That's not where we grow.

We grow when we stretch ourselves out or when we invite people in, which is how I turned my living room into a growth space.

This podcast is my latest growth space, and let me tell you, my breakthroughs are happening daily, happening today.

Okay?

Today I made some profound connections, and I gotta marinate in those a little bit more before I talk about them some more, but.

Whoo.

Yeah, this.

Diving into these topics with you is really.

It's helping me do more of the work I need to do to be my best me.

Because your girl's a messy work in progress.

I am not where I want to be yet, but I'm striving, I'm reaching, growing, and I'm digging through the dirt to get there, man.

I am digging through the dirt to get there and keep my box of tissues right here because Lord knows I'm going to need them.

But that's part of it.

Feeling the feelings, tracing the traumas back and pinpointing why am I resistant to doing what I know is good for me, what I know I need to do.

You know, we're here at the New Year, New Year's resolutions.

Not a big fan of those because they're so easily broken.

But, you know, this is a time of year where we're contemplating what we want to bring into the new.

What habits we want to build and grow.

And a lot of them focus around physical activity, health, weight loss, man.

The husband and I, we're starting on.

We're starting on Monday.

We're gonna, you know, remove stuff from the diet that isn't conducive to healthier living.

We're gonna make better food choices.

We're gonna increase our activity level, Right?

And I'm going to try to hold myself accountable to it and help hold him accountable so that we make those good choices.

I know what it takes to be the skinnier, healthier version of myself, but, man, I also know that I've got a lot of childhood trauma around food, and that's something I. I'm still working on.

I'm still battling, you know, I stress eat, I grief eat, and it's been a tough few months.

I'm wearing it.

So we're gonna get back on track and we're gonna start making those better, healthier choices.

And, you know, I'm not asking you guys to do anything.

I'm not doing myself here, right?

This is.

This is.

This is a human journey that all responsible members of our community need to engage in.

When we make ourselves better, we make our relationships better.

When we make our relationships better, we move through the world happier, more positive.

We have a more positive impact on people around us.

Instead of negativity breeding negativity breeding anger and frustration, which erupts in violence and conflict and confrontation.

And that does not help us achieve our goals.

All of that energy is wasted.

It's thrown away into the ether to no good purpose, causing, you know, consequences, whether they're physical consequences, legal consequences, communal consequences, right?

Building a better us is a bridge to building a better community.

And it definitely will help you build the better life that you want for yourself and your family.

So let's talk about what we gain when we say yes.

We gain skill building, right?

We get exposure to new and better things.

We get new connections and relationships.

We can meet interesting people.

And maybe this one individual you meet isn't somebody who's going to be a big change, but they're going to connect you to somebody else.

And that somebody else is going to have an opportunity for you that redirects your entire life, puts you on a path you never would have considered or contemplated.

Right?

You never know what is going to lead to that next connection, to that next opportunity, to that next experience that changes how you see the world, that enriches how you experience the world.

Those unexpected opportunities, those things that you can't conceive of because you don't know what you don't know yet.

There are benefits to embracing discomfort and being open to that change.

And those benefits are enriching to your life.

So what are some practical tips that we can use to gradually expand our comfort zone and to build confidence?

So we're going to start with those baby steps, the low risk yeses.

Look for the things that are mildly uncomfortable instead of radically uncomfortable.

I mean, not everybody needs to pack their entire life into a car that can barely run and drive it 2,000 miles across the.

It works for some people, but it might not be how to start for everyone.

Right?

So say yes to things that stretch you slightly, not dramatically.

You know, maybe you have an opportunity to mentor somebody in your workspace.

Maybe you have an opportunity to take on a new project or a new report or, you know, work out a new Process, right?

Those types of things where you're.

You're stretching your skills, maybe you do something really well in your workplace, and they would like you to show somebody else how you do that thing.

And you've never taught a person before, right?

It's an opportunity.

It's an opportunity to stretch your skills.

Maybe you're given an opportunity to write some documentation, and you've never seen yourself as a writer before, but then you discover that you're actually really good at taking those processes and breaking them down.

You don't know because you haven't tried it.

So try the thing.

Next time somebody throws out a thing that needs to be done in the workplace, say, listen, I've not done it, but I'm willing to learn how to do that.

Right?

Because those opportunities where you.

You build, you.

It's investing in yourself.

You're building your own toolbox so that you become a more valuable resource in your workplace.

Because, let's be honest, that's how they see us.

We're resources to be deployed and utilized.

Chess pieces on their board.

Well, do you want to be a pawn?

Would you rather be a knight?

All right.

I've worked myself out of the pawn position.

I now have a voice at the table on how our trainings are built and developed and deployed.

And my advice is not always followed, but at least it's listened to and it's incorporated.

I got there because I continued to take on new challenges and stretch what I could do in the workplace so that now I can train anything.

It doesn't even have to be at this point in the game.

I can honestly say you can hand me a manual on just about any topic and give me a week with it, and I can put together a training program on anything.

If I have somebody that I can ask clarifying questions to, I can build a training program for anything.

Challenge me.

That was one of my temp jobs.

That was a fun one.

Yet another wild thing to say yes to.

I didn't know anything about the power grid and how any of that worked, but I learned enough to write a training manual for it.

Right?

I literally wrote the book on it.

Now, you know, maybe you're not comfortable speaking up in meetings, so volunteer to give a presentation.

Oh, buddy.

Right?

Maybe your workplace is putting together a new AI initiative and they have a training program that you can sign up for.

That's a skill that could lead you into future opportunities.

At this pivot point in American business, I can speak to my employer, they are looking at all of the ways that that can be utilized to bring efficiencies into our work process.

So I just finished a week long training program on AI.

All right, all sorts of different ways, right?

All sorts of different ways that you can stretch and challenge yourself.

Maybe you have been wanting to learn a new skill like woodworking or upholstering furniture or painting or sculpting or making soaps or.

I was just having a conversation with my lovely producer about all of the different ways that you can make vanilla extract, right?

So there are all sorts of things that you can do to build different skills.

You know, maybe you want to become one of those sourdough bakers, right?

And you got your sourdough starter that you're going to nurture.

I don't know what your passion is.

I don't know what draws your creativity.

That's something you need to explore and figure out.

But stretching ourselves and doing the thing that has been sitting in the.

Have you wanted to take dance lessons?

Do you want to go learn how to paint?

Did you want to take a drawing class?

Were you interested in learning, you know, how to make stained glass windows?

Like, there's so many different skills that we can build and grow and that help build our confidence.

Because when we, when we learn new things, it helps build our self confidence.

Confidence grows faster with small wins, much more so than it does with big leaps.

Big leaps can sometimes feel lucky, opportunistic, right?

Where those consistent, steady steps that we know we're taking individually, making the choice every day to do the thing, to do the hard thing, to have the hard conversation, to attack the problem that's been looming.

Those steps are the ones that really build that confidence.

So follow your curiosity.

Don't do it because you feel pressured to do it.

If somebody is pushing you to do a thing and you're resisting it, that's probably because it's not a thing you want to do, right?

So where does your curiosity take you?

Are you interested in learning how to tinker on the engine?

Is that something that, that's always.

Have you wondered how circuit boards get built?

And that's something you want to learn, how to solder?

I don't know.

Right.

There's so many different things, but the point is to challenge yourself.

The point is to challenge yourself to those little steps that build your confidence, right?

Ask yourself questions like, am I curious about this?

Instead of am I ready?

Because if you wait until you're ready, you're never ready.

There's never A good time to start a new thing.

Because there's always 100 reasons why you shouldn't, right?

There's always an obstacle.

An obstacle is omnipresent.

You can find one everywhere that you look for one, you'll find one.

All right, but are you curious about it?

Are you intrigued by it?

Are you drawn to it?

If you find yourself curious about it, drawn to it, intrigued by it, then lean into it.

Follow your curiosity signals.

And those curiosity signals, those can be little dopamine hits too.

When you start satisfying those curiosities and you're like, ooh, ooh, that was fun.

That was interesting.

That was neat.

That was unexpected.

That was challenging.

I want to try that again, right?

Those curiosity signals, often they signal growth before the confidence show up.

Right?

Those are that.

That's where your spirit's drawing you to go.

Follow it.

Let the spirit move you.

You don't need certainty to say yes.

You just need interest.

And a yes today doesn't have to be a commitment to yes forever.

You can say yes until you figure out if it's something that you enjoy, that you're intrigued by it.

And it doesn't have to be easy to be worthwhile.

In fact, personally, I have found the things that challenge me are the things that hold my interest the longest.

Things I master quickly, I get bored with quickly.

So if there isn't an element to challenge to it, then probably not going to keep showing up.

There's a reason theater keeps drawing me back, and it's because the puzzle and the challenge is new with each production.

Whether it's building the set, finding the props, finding the people, finding the character, getting all of those parts to work together.

The challenge of it is what keeps it electric and exhilarating and exciting and fulfilling.

And I've now directed six shows and I no longer feel like an imposter sitting behind the director's table.

I've earned my spot.

I have had successful, beautiful, sold out shows.

I know that I'm a good director.

And you know how I know I'm a good director?

Because I have actors who are asking me all the time, what are you directing next?

When can I audition for you?

I have a reputation in my community as a director that you want to work with, which from the imposter who sat behind the desk for that first show.

And guys, I'm only 52 now.

It's been seven years.

That's it.

And it's really not even seven years until like March.

So we're close to seven years.

But yeah, you Know, that's.

It's a journey.

It's a journey.

I've almost got a decade in.

Dang.

Time flies.

Whoo.

I just realized that all sorts of revelations for your girl here today.

Ah.

See, that's what I love about a good conversation.

All of those.

All of those little nuances that you find.

So let's talk about reframing our discomfort, because discomfort is so often what prevents us from moving forward, right?

It's that fear of the discomfort, the fear of all of that.

So we're going to talk about that after this break.

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Now back to Angela and the rest of the show.

Alrighty, then.

So welcome back.

Thank you, everyone, for returning.

We were talking about reframing discomfort.

So listen, when a problem's a problem, you can't just make it go away.

You need to learn how to look at the problem from a different perspective in order to find the solution.

And the best way to change how something looks is to reframe it.

All right?

So let's take that discomfort, and let's.

Instead of just making it painful, let's look at that discomfort as information.

Feeling uncomfortable doesn't mean that you're doing something wrong.

It often just means that you're doing something new.

And new is uncomfortable in the beginning.

It's always uncomfortable in the beginning because you don't know what comes next.

And we as human beings like repetition.

We like patterns.

We like predictability.

We like to know what's next.

Even my adrenaline junkies out there, even my adventure seekers, there are certain aspects of your life that are very, very patterned.

Your morning routine, your evening routine, your commute.

There are things that are patterned in your life.

Sometimes even menu choices are patterned.

I go to this place, I eat that food.

This time of the year, I eat this food.

That time of the year, I eat the other food, right?

We surround ourselves with patterns, with routines, little mini routines that we sometimes engage in without any thought at all.

It's just what we do on our day to day, all right?

Feeling uncomfortable means you're breaking those patterns.

You're doing different things.

And while you're adapting to and learning the new process, it's going to be uncomfortable.

And that's okay.

That discomfort will create a new pattern that will become comfortable once you've gotten used to it.

It's kind of like when you first start working out.

The first three days that you start a new workout are hell on earth.

Everything hurts, everything aches.

But if you push past that and you get past the discomfort, then you start to grow muscle and you feel stronger and you get more flexible and you get healthier and you look better and you walk with more confidence because you have shown up for yourself on a regular basis and your body is reaping the positive benefit.

The discomfort leads to the positive growth.

Discomfort is data, it's not danger.

Right?

Discomfort leads to positive growth.

So we can practice saying yes and put boundaries on it.

Our yes doesn't have to be open ended.

Our yes can be limited by our capability.

It can be limited by our capacity.

It can be limited by the fears that we're still processing.

Right?

As long as we are making those small inroads into our discomfort zone, we can stay safe.

We don't have to jump off the cliff without a parachute, right?

We can instead just step off the paved road and onto the trail.

It doesn't have to be a big step.

It can be a little step.

You can keep the paved road in sight for a while.

It's okay.

You can keep yourself tethered.

Saying yes doesn't mean saying yes to everything.

You can choose what parts you're accepting.

You can say yes to the opportunity and you can protect your energy.

You can say, I'll try, but I need to do it at my pace, right?

Give yourself permission to try and give yourself permission to not be good at it at first.

Give yourself permission to be awkward with it, to not how to hold the tool right at first or not sure which step should come first or second.

And my friends, in this age of information, YouTube University is a Google search away.

Anything you want to learn how to do.

Somebody has a step by step video that will show you exactly what you need to do.

And if you don't like the way that one does it, then look again and find someone else who's doing the same thing and they'll show you their way of doing it.

And there are blogs and subreddits and all sorts of things where experts share their knowledge on how to do everything under the sun.

If you think about it, somebody out there has a tutorial on how to do that thing and it's free.

All you have to do is have the desire to find it and to tune in and Pay attention.

I learned how to build sets for theaters by just showing up, pulling up YouTube videos, and reading blog posts on what other people did to overcome that challenge.

And I have made remarkable things happen on a stage.

And I'm not a carpenter.

I only play one on that stage.

I got tools so that I could build sets.

I know not every chick gets really excited with a new ryobi, but I do.

If anyone would like to donate a Ryobi table saw, I'd gladly receive it.

Just putting that out there.

Only kidding, friends.

But it is.

It is doing it.

Just say yes and try the thing.

And if it doesn't work out, great, well, then you learn how not to do it and try it again until you figure out how it does work.

And when you figure out how it does work, that that is how you build self confidence.

That's how you gain self worth.

That's how you break down the imposter and you become the capable individual that you really are.

Right?

Create a stretch list.

Write down the things that feel slightly uncomfortable but kind of exciting.

What are they for you?

Because what they are for me are going to be very different than what they are for you.

I challenge myself regularly so my stretch list can get kind of wild.

All right, not gonna lie.

For my son's 18th birthday.

Bear in mind that for my son's 18th birthday, I was 48 years old.

What he wanted to do was go do the zip line and aerial course over the Broward Zoo.

So guess who took her heavier than she should be, middle aged, arthritic, aching body up to the top and went zip lining and aerial course routing with my 18 year old for his birthday.

Yes, I did.

It was terrifying and exhilarating.

And I hope I can do it with him the next birthday that he spends here.

Because those are the kind of memories that I will cherish when I am finally bound to whatever device they've contrived for the elders at that point.

But choose your pace, right?

One per week, one per month.

Like, keep it within your limits.

I'm not saying you have to stop being you.

I'm saying that you can push the boundaries on who you are and who you want to be.

Be and grow in the direction that you choose.

Do it with intention.

Do it with purpose.

Progress becomes intentional instead of accidental.

And when your progress is intentional, your goals become achievable.

And before you know it, what started off is one step at the end of the year is 365, and that's progress, right?

So make the promise to Yourself, to challenge yourself, to allow yourself to grow in the direction that's going to support your goals and who you want to be and how you want to show up as a.

As a spouse, as a parent, as a community member, as a co worker, as a leader, as a follower.

Like whatever role you're in in this stage in your life and in the different aspects of your life, because you may be leading in your home life and following in your work life, or vice versa, right?

And everywhere, when you show up a better you, everywhere you show up improves because of it.

So celebrate the courage, not the outcomes.

Because sometimes you're gonna stumble, and it's okay.

You had the courage to take the step.

You had the courage to take the step, so you stumbled.

So you stand up, you write to yourself.

Maybe you need a walking stick.

Maybe you need an aid.

Maybe you need some help, and that's okay.

Confidence isn't built by perfect results.

It's built by showing up.

It is the effort, not the outcome, that makes a difference.

It is the journey, my friends.

The destination is great, but it's.

The journey is where the growth happens.

Acknowledge yourself for trying, even if it didn't turn out as planned.

Courage deserves recognition.

And when we downplay our courage, we undermine our own ability.

We undermine our own belief in ourselves.

We have to stop letting the critical voice say, but it could have been better.

Yeah, or it could have not been done at all.

But it was done.

And it's not perfect, but I learned from it.

And it's gonna be better the next time I do it.

You know, Michelangelo didn't start off painting the ceiling, right?

He grew to that skill.

He painted on canvases and walls.

First, you become a master through showing up daily and making mistakes and learning how to fix them and learning how to grow past them and learning how to keep going despite them.

So, especially in the beginning, you may need to borrow confidence.

And it's okay.

Because the good people in your life, the ones who love you and support you and believe in you, they've got confidence in you to spare.

And they will be ecstatic to be able to infuse you with it when you need it.

You just have to give them the opportunity.

Sometimes confidence comes from knowing someone believes in you.

So share your dreams and share your visions with the positive lights in your life.

We've done our friend circle right.

We've examined.

We've chosen our people on purpose.

Those are the people you plug into when you need help taking that leap.

Because I can tell you right now, this Podcast.

This conversation that we're sharing would not be happening if it was not for the confidence that someone else had in my ability to share my voice.

And he had the resilience to maintain that confidence in me for almost eight years before I was ready to take the leap.

And the gratitude that I have for that immeasurable.

So find your mentor, your friend, the supporter, the cheerleader who has been telling you to do it.

And I've had.

I've been blessed with so many cheerleaders throughout my life, so many mentors, friends, co workers, leaders who have infused into me their belief that I could be and do better.

Whether it was my corporate director and manager, Deanna and Jim, who held me accountable to timelines and deadlines and project plans and insisted that I began the best possible employee that I could be because they saw my potential and would not accept mediocre effort.

So I learned how to apply myself and how to be accountable.

My friend's husband, who invested his time and energy into teaching me computers, how to build them, how to repair them.

I augmented my income doing computer builds for people, upgrading their memory, their ram, their hard drives, their, you know, troubleshooting their printers, doing all of those things that he taught me how to do.

It augmented my income.

I traded computer work for concert tickets and all kinds of.

I had adventures, right?

I had someone dare me to bungee jump once they paid the $150 ticket for me to bungee jump because they didn't think I had the courage to do it.

Prove them wrong, right?

Same way I got to jump out of an airplane.

The opportunity presented itself and I said, yes, somebody else was willing to pay for it.

So I got an extraordinary adventure.

Sometimes you just need someone to believe in you.

Those people should be in your circle.

You should know who they are.

Plug into them, share with them your vision and let them cheerlead you through it.

Let them offer their support, their resources, sometimes their, you know, their excitement.

The person who said, you got this, you can do this, and I can help.

Let them let their belief carry you until yours catches up.

And it's really important that you do the post work.

Reflect after every yes.

Ask yourself, what did I learn?

What surprises me?

What felt good, what didn't I like?

Reflection turns experience into confidence because it takes it from something that happened to you to something you've learned from growth.

Happens when we pause long enough to notice it.

We gotta stay aware of self, right?

And we have to inventory why we're doing what we're doing.

Is it Giving us the benefit we were expecting, Is it giving us the outcome that we wanted?

Because if we keep doing the same behaviors, we're gonna keep getting the same results.

If we want different results to happen, we have to choose to different behaviors.

We have to be conscientious about what?

How our choices impact the life that we live.

How we feel, what we accomplish, how we show up, who we show up as.

Confidence isn't something you wait for.

It's something you build by showing up scared and choosing yourself anyway.

It's okay to be scared.

It's not okay to let scared be the reason you don't do it.

If scared is stopping you, it's time to explore why you're scared.

What's the fear Where?

Trace it back.

What's the voice telling you that that's something you can't do?

And who's at the center of that voice?

And does their opinion really matter?

Because I'm gonna tell you, unless they're the ones paying your bills, their opinion ain't nothing more than that.

Just a thought they have.

It does not have to have a thing to do with your reality.

What you believe about yourself is what is really going to determine what you're capable of.

Their belief, if anything, take it up as a challenge.

Let them believe what they want to believe.

Underestimating me is one of the biggest mistakes you can make.

But.

But I'm not going to underestimate myself.

I know what I'm capable of.

But I've got 52 years of showing up for myself and let me tell you, I did not show up well for myself.

In my teens, in my 20s, I made a lot of poor choices and I let myself down a lot and I didn't hold myself accountable.

It took those believers in me to help me realize the me I wanted to be.

And let me tell you, the evolution is real.

And we're not done yet.

We're not done yet.

So what are some of the positive outcomes that come with saying yes?

Saying yes can open doors to career advancements, to creative projects, and to unexpected adventures.

Expanding your possibilities.

Stepping outside of your comfort zone can lead you to personal growth, to new skills, and to broader perspectives on life.

You know, even the opportunity to go visit a different city, a different place.

It doesn't even have to be far away.

Just meeting different people, seeing different architecture, experiencing different landscapes can enrich in your perspective on the world, Building relationships.

Saying yes can help us form meaningful connections, deepening our existing relationships and builds that ever important community.

Right.

We have become so isolated from a true sense of community.

In our modern world, we do not gather and connect in real life, in real person.

Very often when we are encountering each other, we're in each other's way.

In grocery stores and in traffic, we're obstacles to each other.

Instead of true community, we need to seek opportunities to go out and connect with the people that live around us, build our communities locally.

It's so much easier to find what our common goals are when we can connect in person.

And it's a challenge in today's world to find those opportunities to, to gather in person.

But we've got to put ourselves out there and seek those.

Embracing new experiences can bring joy, inspiration, and a deeper appreciation for life.

I was sitting home last night.

Michael had worked all day.

This is his third week back to work post surgery.

So he's coming home pretty sore and kind of tired.

So he came home, he ate his dinner and boy passed out.

It was 6:30 at night and he was out cold.

I text message my girlfriend, hey, what you up to?

She just so happened she was on her way to Fort Pierce, Orange Avenue, down by the water, there was a fresh market, well, not fresh market, but it was a bunch of little kiosks, right, the craft stuff and some food carts and there was music playing and the lights were still on, the trees for the holidays.

It was still super festive.

And she had just randomly decided she lives up in Veronica to drive down to Fort Pierce.

She saw it on Facebook and said yeah, I want to get out of the house and started driving down there right at the same time that I texted her what was she up to?

And so I just very spontaneously decided to get dressed and go meet her down downtown Fort Pierce.

And we hung out for a couple of hours and laughed and caught up and told our holiday stories.

And it was enriching, it was fulfilling.

It was so much better than sitting at home finding a video to watch, scrolling for something I haven't binged already.

And you know, it was, it was, it was a delightful evening.

Unexpected.

A random yes to an unexpected opportunity.

And I got to meet a emotional support pig that was out greeting the public.

It was pretty cool.

There's a lot of personal fulfillment.

Saying yes can lead to feeling more fulfilled and enriched life by aligning with your values and your passions.

In other words, saying yes to the right things, to the things that align with your goals, that align with your curiosity, that align with your passions.

Saying yes to those things, they just make life better.

So let me ask you what are you gonna say yes to?

Thanks for joining me for today's conversation, folks.

We'll see you next time.

Thank you so much for stopping by today.

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Have a fantastic day.