I'd love to hear from you! Take this podcast survey for your chance to win a $100 West Coast Catholic gift card. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts with me! xx, Mari

This week’s episode is a re-run from 2024 with Trey! We sat down for a late-night Q&A and ended up talking about everything from discerning marriage and navigating the early years together to prayer, chastity, NFP, and infertility. There are definitely some fun questions in here too, so I hope you enjoy listening!

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Hi, guys.

2

Mari here.

3

Okay, I'm popping in with a little

announcement today because I have

4

something exciting that I wanna talk

to you about, except that I can't

5

actually tell you exactly what it is

yet, which I know, that's annoying.

6

But listen all the way through because

I'm giving away a $100 West Coast Catholic

7

gift card to two of you, so listen up.

8

There is something new that we've

been working on behind the scenes

9

and we're getting to the point where

we really need your help with it.

10

And I think one of the things that has

always been really important to me,

11

whether it's with Everbe or with West

Coast Catholic or anything that I create,

12

is that I never just want to sit behind my

computer and make things that I think you

13

want, I actually want to listen to you.

14

Because at the end of the day, we're

creating all of this to support

15

you guys, to walk with you guys.

16

We're creating this for real women

in real life who are trying to grow

17

in their faith and build beautiful

lives centered around Christ.

18

And so before we take this next project

any further, I really wanna hear from you.

19

My team and I has put together a super

short survey, and it should literally

20

only take you a few minutes, and we're

asking some questions about what you

21

like, what you want more of, what you're

looking for, and honestly, what would be

22

valuable to you when it comes to podcasts.

23

And I want you to be really honest.

24

You don't have to tell me what

you think I wanna hear, okay?

25

I actually wanna know what you think

because your answers are genuinely

26

gonna help us make decisions about

where we take this project and

27

what it ultimately looks like.

28

And I think that's also what makes this

really fun because you guys sort of get

29

to be a part of it before you even know

exactly what it is or before the world

30

even knows that there's something coming.

31

So if you have a few minutes

today, I would seriously be so

32

grateful if you would fill it out.

33

The survey is linked right

in the show notes or in the

34

description of the episode, so

you can just click it from there.

35

And as a little thank you for taking

the time to give us your thoughts,

36

we're also going to choose two people

who fill out the survey to each win

37

a $100 West Coast Catholic gift card.

38

So you can go spend that on whatever

you want from West Coast Catholic, and

39

hopefully that makes giving us a few

minutes of your time a little bit more

40

worth it and a little bit more fun.

41

also, please send the survey to someone

who you think would want to weigh in.

42

If you have any Catholic

girlfriends who listen to podcasts,

43

definitely send it to them.

44

Maybe it's your sister or your best

friend, someone from your Bible

45

study, someone that you listen

to Everbe with, whoever it is.

46

The more women we hear from, the

better we can make this next project.

47

I feel like I have to be careful because

the more I talk, the more I'm accidentally

48

going to tell you what it is that we're

doing, and I don't wanna spoil it yet.

49

But I'm just really, really excited

about it, and I'm excited that you guys

50

get to be a part of shaping it with me.

51

So again, go click the link in

the show notes of this episode.

52

Fill out the survey.

53

Send it to a friend.

54

And then stay tuned because I'll

be sharing more with you guys soon.

55

And stay tuned to see if you win that

$100 West Coast Catholic gift card.

56

Thanks so much for being here,

for supporting everything that I

57

create, and especially thank you for

trusting me enough to tell you what

58

you actually want to hear from me.

59

Okay, that's all I'm really

allowed to say for now.

60

Love you guys so much.

61

Talk to you soon.

62

mari-wagner_2_07-09-2024_212141: =Welcome

to tonight's, uh, Trey and Mari tell all.

63

Yes, we are.

64

We are recording.

65

What time is it?

66

It's a 10 and 30.

67

It's nine 22, 9 30 PM.

68

We haven't had dinner yet.

69

So we brought a little snack.

70

Yeah, don't, don't recommend

having dinner at 10 p.

71

m.

72

And some wine.

73

But we made it fun tonight.

74

Okay, we had a lot of work to do.

75

Yes, clink.

76

We had a lot of work to do and we

were like, and this is, this just

77

shows you how crazy we are, okay?

78

This is just something that we would do.

79

We had a lot of work to do today and so

instead of making a quick easy dinner,

80

we were like, no, let's make dinner

fun and let's make the handmade pasta.

81

And bruschetta recipe that we learned

in Italy two years ago, which takes

82

about two hours to simmer, at least.

83

So we got the ragu sauce on the

stove, it's simmering and now we

84

have time to record a podcast.

85

Exactly.

86

So, and then we'll hand make the

pasta and have a great night.

87

We were dancing in the

kitchen to Valarie by.

88

Frank Sinatra in other great Italian hits.

89

Um, I'm pretty sure Frank Sinatra

is like American New York,

90

but yeah, but it's Italian.

91

So it's American Italian.

92

It's American Italian.

93

Um, we'll be snacking.

94

We have our wine.

95

Um, fun fact, which is not about this

wine, but it's about the wine that

96

we're going to have tonight at dinner.

97

Do you want to share about that?

98

Fun fact?

99

Yeah.

100

So when we left staff with focus,

we traveled to Europe as a fun

101

celebratory new chapter of our lives.

102

And when we were in Italy, we

got, we went on this winery tour.

103

It was super cool.

104

It was this Ricassoli family.

105

Winery and they had a castle

and a winery on their property.

106

And this property has been

in the family for generations

107

and they make wine, obviously.

108

And so we did the wine tour

and a tour of the castle.

109

And then we carried like four bottles,

like somehow in our suitcase through

110

the next, like three countries

we went to and all the way home.

111

And this is what's funny.

112

I was telling a friend about this

recently because I knew we were

113

going to have an Italian night soon.

114

We were going to open one

of these bottles of wine.

115

I was trying to remember how

we got the bottles of wine.

116

We didn't just buy them.

117

Oh, that's right.

118

We didn't just buy them.

119

Sorry, Mari did some bartering.

120

Yeah, we had just bought the whole

like wine tasting experience package

121

and that included dinner, but we

forgot that that included dinner.

122

Or maybe it was lunch, whatever.

123

It included the meal and

then we forgot about that.

124

So we actually paid for

our lunch and then after.

125

It was a nice restaurant.

126

So it was really nice.

127

It was, it was a, it

was a good, good meal.

128

And we ordered a lot.

129

Cause we were like, when in Italy

and after we paid, I realized, wait.

130

Like everybody on our tour

decided to eat here too.

131

Like, how fun is that?

132

And then the waiter was like, Oh

yeah, it's part of the tour they did.

133

And I was like, no, we

were on that tour too.

134

He's like, Oh, well your meal is included.

135

And I look back at the tickets and

sure enough, our meal was included.

136

We had totally forgotten.

137

So, you know, I went up there

and talked to the waiter, cashier

138

person, whoever's at the front desk.

139

And I was like, Hey,

explain the situation.

140

We totally forgot.

141

Like surely you could just refund us the

dinner and yeah, we already paid for it.

142

We'll be on our way.

143

And I guess they don't do that in

Italy, they don't do refunds, but they

144

have unlimited wine at the winery.

145

So they're like, pick some wine.

146

So my, well, my Columbian came out

for those of you who don't know.

147

I was born in Columbia, South

America, a hundred percent Colombian.

148

And sometimes it comes out, sometimes

they get a little bit spicy, feisty.

149

And I was like, okay, you know,

well, first of all, I tried to

150

argue for the refund for a while and

then they did not concede to that.

151

So then I was like, okay, I would like

Colombian Italians versus Colombian.

152

And so then I was like, okay, fine.

153

Then I want the full, like,

Uh, value of my meal in bottles

154

of wine that I can take home.

155

And they were like, uh, okay,

like we'll give you like four.

156

And I argued up to like six bottles of

wine and we took home six bottles of wine.

157

It was like two.

158

Two whites and two regular reds and

two of like the fancy reserve reds.

159

And we shared some with friends, some

with family, some we had ourselves.

160

And then one of like the super

fancy, they call it the reserve

161

wines that are best aged, we've

been saving for three years now.

162

Has it been three years?

163

Or two and a half?

164

Yeah, I think three years.

165

I think it's been three years.

166

This will be the third summer.

167

Yeah, that's right.

168

And we've just been waiting to

open it for a special occasion.

169

And so.

170

So we were supposed to open

it when I quit my job, but.

171

About a month ago.

172

That didn't happen.

173

We, life got carried

away and so here we are.

174

So we're doing it tonight because

it's never too late to celebrate.

175

So that's our intro for today.

176

Um, but if you saw the title of

the podcast, it's Q and A with Mari

177

and Trey, uh, I asked on Instagram.

178

What do you want to know?

179

What questions do you have for us?

180

I said pretty much

anything is on the table.

181

We got a ton, so we obviously won't be

able to get through all, but I think

182

we'll pick out kind of like some of the

top ones that we feel like are either

183

really good to answer, or intriguing,

or a little spicy, or just funny.

184

So here we go.

185

Don't mind me eating here.

186

Where

187

do you want to start?

188

We got a lot, so just grab one.

189

Okay, this one Was asked often, it

was a two part question one, several

190

people asked, what is your love story?

191

So before we get started, let us

just direct you to, I'm pretty sure

192

it's like literally episode two of

the podcast called our love story.

193

So start there.

194

It's a good one and then come back

and then come back and then part

195

two of the most often asked question

was, what did your discernment

196

process look like for marriage?

197

So maybe it was, maybe the question

is kind of like, how did you discern

198

marriage or like, how did you discern?

199

You were right for marriage

like for each other.

200

How do you know that they were the

one that they were the one exactly?

201

Yeah,

202

go ahead.

203

I would say

204

I think one of the at least for me in

our relationship One of the biggest

205

telltale signs was I just came alive

Like truly alive when I was with you.

206

And obviously like when you're first

starting dating, you have all the

207

feelings and you're like, of course you

don't want to be apart from each other.

208

You're making a mess.

209

Okay.

210

You just probably shouldn't podcast.

211

Um, but yeah, I mean, I think like

if you come alive and the person is

212

make the other person, The significant

others making you a better person and

213

you feel like, I think with like, for

an example, I felt like I kind of came

214

out of a shell when I was with Mari.

215

So obviously that's not going

to be the case for everybody.

216

But, um, I felt like I

myself came more alive.

217

Like, the good parts of me

became better and the not so

218

good parts of me were tamed down.

219

So did you feel like more like yourself?

220

Yeah.

221

Cause I remember feeling that a

lot and I feel like it was similar.

222

I remember that very early on into

our friendship, something that kind of

223

caught me off guard was how comfortable

I was and how like little I overthought

224

anything I was saying or doing, which.

225

I mean, would you say

I'm like an overthinker?

226

Like a lot?

227

I would say you're an overthinker,

but maybe not an extreme.

228

Okay.

229

Well, women in general

tend to overthink a lot.

230

I don't feel like I'm an extreme, like

I have friends who are like way more

231

extreme overthinkers, but I would say I'm

still an overthinker, but I'm sure women

232

listening in have experienced this before,

where you just kind of catch yourself.

233

overthinking.

234

Maybe you don't even realize, but

like, you're just kind of like

235

anxious or just like, Oh, did

I say something that was weird?

236

Or did I do something that was off?

237

Or like, how do I?

238

It's particularly act or talk or present

myself in a way that's gonna like make

239

him like me more like those are all

thoughts that I had had in the past

240

and I think it sort of surprised me

because I didn't even realize because

241

I was so like on like you said like a

shell or like a guard was like I was

242

so unguarded that like I was so Myself.

243

Yeah.

244

And I like, it's like

my weird side came out.

245

It's like, I realized, wow, I'm like

really weird when we were together.

246

Thought I was normal.

247

You prided yourself on being normal.

248

And I remember thinking like,

wow, there's very few people

249

who like, know my truest self.

250

And that would be like, My two

best friends and my family.

251

And now this guy that I just met

like three weeks ago and that just

252

like developed over our relationship.

253

Um, yeah, mine, both of those are great.

254

Yeah.

255

Similar sides of the same coin.

256

Yeah.

257

So, I mean, that's a really good

indicator that like you're with, you're

258

with the right person, I would say.

259

Um, what about this like specific

discernment of marriage with each other?

260

There's a lot of prayer

involved with that, that we had.

261

Yeah.

262

A lot of like guidance and mentorship.

263

Yeah.

264

I mean, I think, I think the

biggest thing is discernment.

265

Don't get caught in that word and in that

mindset of just no action, but all prayer.

266

Discernment is actually an action.

267

So it actually means going on dates.

268

It means exploring the next steps.

269

It means having those deeper

conversations and actually taking action.

270

Um, and not just sitting in

prayer or just like in your

271

head, trying to overthink things.

272

Um, so I'd say one discernment's

an action, but then two, obviously

273

it involves prayer for sure.

274

Um, and we had some spiritual

mentors and spiritual directors

275

that helped guide that process.

276

So I'd recommend that.

277

Yeah, for sure.

278

Yeah.

279

I, as I think back, I feel

like it was mainly guided by.

280

Those spiritual mentors that we

had, we each had like a priest that

281

was like speaking into our lives.

282

And then we kind of had a mutual

like faith mentor that we both kind

283

of shared that I feel like kind of

walked us through just our faith life

284

during those years that we learned a

lot from, but I'll speak to one thing.

285

I think that many.

286

Is this fear that God is not going to

grant them the vocation that they desire?

287

And so I think where I commonly

see this as women asking, like,

288

what if I'm called to be a sister?

289

What if I'm called to religious life,

you know, and it's always asked or

290

said with this fear of just like, I

like have always wanted to be married.

291

Like, what if God doesn't want that

now through your discernment process?

292

You know, you can come to what

the, you will come to what

293

the Lord's will is for you.

294

And in the end, whatever his will is, is

what's going to bring you the most joy.

295

So just know that.

296

But the other thing that I learned

through this discernment process

297

when we were dating was that When you

are, when you're in relationship with

298

Jesus, like your wills are aligned.

299

So this is like when you are

not in mortal sin, right?

300

You're in a state of grace.

301

You're in a constant prayer.

302

Like you have a prayer life

where you like actually.

303

Speak to Jesus and allow time for

silence to hear him, to connect with him.

304

When you are really like in tune with

the Lord, your wills are naturally

305

aligned because when we are in a

state of grace and when we are in

306

relationship with Christ, our soul is

just naturally oriented towards God and

307

naturally oriented towards his will.

308

And so those desires that

you have on your heart.

309

Are really from the Lord and

are even placed there by Jesus.

310

And so I think one of my fears, I remember

I was like at this retreat, one of my

311

fears was that I loved God so much, you

know, I was growing my faith so much.

312

And like, what if, what if God

was calling me to be a sister?

313

I think I love God too much.

314

What if I love God too much and I have

to be a sister and I was at, uh, I was

315

an intern for focus at the time I was

at the training for the missionaries

316

as an intern, but there you're

surrounded by many young religious,

317

many young priests, many young sisters.

318

And I'd never seen that before.

319

And I'd never seriously

considered a religious vocation.

320

So it kind of like sparked just

like a interest and like, maybe

321

I need to discern this anyways.

322

It was kind of like eating away at

me all summer because I, I found

323

myself just like praying in prayer.

324

Begging God, please don't let it be

it, please don't let it be it, please

325

don't let it be it, instead of like,

Lord, show me what your will is.

326

And then I went to spiritual direction

with a priest and spoke to him about it.

327

And he had me do like a exercise

of mental prayer of just like

328

going to the place where I meet

Jesus, you know, a place of peace.

329

Imagine Jesus with you.

330

Um, I think he had me like open my

hands and like put everything that

331

was weighing me down in my hands.

332

And this whole anxiety and fear of.

333

losing our relationship of becoming a

sister of losing this dream of marriage

334

and motherhood that I had and offering it

to Jesus and letting go and seeing like

335

what Jesus placed in my hand in return.

336

Like after I emptied my hands, what

did Jesus actually place in my hands?

337

And in my prayer, I felt

marriage and motherhood.

338

And I even asked him, I was like, well,

Father, like, this is what I want.

339

This is what I desire.

340

So like, is this just me

or is this actually God?

341

Like, is this just me like

saying that it's marriage and

342

motherhood that Jesus put in my

hands because that's what I want?

343

Or is that actually God speaking to me?

344

And it was very, his

response was very simple.

345

It's, it was, do you, have you

ever desired to be a sister?

346

And I was like, not really.

347

No.

348

He's like, do you have any sort of

inkling, any like, even small bit of

349

interest or desire or feeling like

the Lord is maybe calling you there?

350

And I was like, honestly, no.

351

No, he's like, is there any like

peace when you think about it?

352

Or is there anxiety?

353

Like, what do you feel?

354

I'm like, I am literally terrified

that God will call me to do this.

355

And that's where he was like daughter.

356

And he did the whole thing

about the wills being aligned.

357

He's like, your will is not

the opposite of God's will.

358

And I think that we spend a

lot of our life feeling like.

359

What God wants is probably

the opposite of what we want

360

because we're so inclined to sin.

361

But when we are in relationship with

the Lord, when we are in a state of

362

grace, our wills can be, are aligned.

363

And so he was like, the Lord just wants

to give you the desires of your heart.

364

If it's not a desire at all

to be a sister, then you're

365

probably called to marriage.

366

And I felt like I had like, The

heaviest jacket like taken off

367

of me that the biggest way off

my shoulders and I could breathe.

368

Um, and that was kind of like the

start of kind of that confirmation of

369

like, yeah, I'm called to marriage.

370

And then throughout the summer,

I had different meetings with the

371

spiritual director about what it

looked like to discern engagement.

372

That was the next step.

373

Totally.

374

Yeah.

375

I mean, ultimately surrender.

376

Your will to God, be in prayer,

try to do the Lord's will and have

377

spiritual, spiritual mentorship.

378

Yeah.

379

You can always ask your parish priest or

if you're in college, sometimes if you

380

go to a Catholic college, like you'll

have like a pastor or a what's it called?

381

Chaplain.

382

Um, any one of these priests could

probably do spiritual direction

383

if you've never done that before.

384

Okay, next question.

385

Okay, this one is mostly for Trey.

386

Oh no.

387

How do you tell a guy who's interested

in you, but hasn't quite asked you

388

out yet, that you don't like him?

389

Play the friend card.

390

Play it multiple times

until he gets the message.

391

Be obvious that you're friends.

392

Be painfully obvious that you're friends.

393

Eating the most thick headed will get

it a third, fourth, or fifth time.

394

How do you do that without being flirty?

395

No, you just make comments of

like, I'm so happy we're friends.

396

Like, you're such a good friend.

397

Like, you don't have

to be, don't be flirty.

398

Don't be flirty.

399

Don't be flirty.

400

Definitely don't be flirty.

401

I think you have to be very

friendly, but like explicitly say

402

the word friend a couple times.

403

I think that'll.

404

And that'll come off.

405

Yeah.

406

Okay.

407

Short and sweet.

408

Short and sweet.

409

Okay.

410

Next question.

411

How to handle a smooth transition

with all the change that comes with

412

marriage, moving, new job, et cetera.

413

I think first.

414

Let go the word smooth or

let go of whatever ideal you

415

think you have expectations.

416

It's all about managing expectations.

417

Yeah, it's going to be messy.

418

Life's messy.

419

It's not going to be

what you want it to be.

420

There's I mean, Martin, I've

tried for weeks on end to.

421

Have the perfect schedule that

we want and it never happens.

422

So, um, especially when you're going

through transitions, like I think the

423

biggest piece of advice would be to, like

you said, let go of the expectations.

424

Just try your best and

give yourself grace.

425

Um, what was the second

part of the question?

426

No, it's all the same.

427

It's just like how to, how to have

a smooth transition with all the

428

change that comes with marriage,

moving, new job, et cetera.

429

So just like the newness of marriage

of like living with a new person you've

430

never lived with and adjusting to a lot of

things that come with like sharing a life

431

instead of just being like on your own.

432

Yeah.

433

I mean, so one's mindset,

um, messiness and.

434

Giving yourself grace

and your partner grace.

435

Then I would say to find community,

find, have the man find men's community,

436

have the woman find a woman's community.

437

Uh, be the awkward person who

asks somebody to hang out.

438

Yeah.

439

Um, invite people over.

440

For dinner.

441

Um, I think that's the biggest thing is

like when you move into a new neighborhood

442

or a new apartment, like meet your

neighbors the first couple of weeks or

443

else it's too much time will go by and

it'll be weird to introduce yourself.

444

So just get it out of the way early.

445

Um, I would say like, have

a mindset of selflessness.

446

I think that when we live alone, we

get into our grooves of just living

447

for ourselves and like our personal

schedules, our routines, how we like

448

to do things or the time that we like

to wake up or go to bed or, you know,

449

Like when we used to do our chores and

whatnot, and you know, we, we go from

450

living, you know, sometimes on your own

or with the house of like other people

451

and you just do your two dishes a day to

then sharing all the chores in the house.

452

Um, and that's just like a very

practical, small example, but I think

453

leaning on the air of selflessness

of always just being like, okay.

454

It's not just about me.

455

I have to serve my spouse as well as

take care of myself, or I have to think

456

of them as well, or I have to put their

needs above mine sometimes as well.

457

Um, just having that mindset and that

disposition of heart will make it

458

smoother because it can be a rough

transition at first to be like, Oh

459

my gosh, life is not just about me.

460

As much as you love this person.

461

Um, you actually just like your time

just flies by, like your time just

462

becomes so much less when you're married.

463

I don't know why there's

just like more things to do.

464

And a lot of it is beautiful.

465

A lot of it is like, you just

want to spend time together, but

466

just being selfless with, um,

with your time and your energy.

467

And

468

I think another one would be

just like having a really open,

469

honest line of communication.

470

Transitions are different for everybody.

471

I would say the first, the first

few months of our marriage were

472

like really smooth and beautiful.

473

And maybe like six to nine, we hit

some like rocky parts, but I've

474

heard some people's like first

month of marriage is like super

475

hard or first months or first year.

476

You hear that often.

477

We're like, your first

year is the hardest.

478

I think your first year

could also be like.

479

You know, the dreamiest, but, but there's

also so much transition and change

480

that it can be challenging and having

a super open line of communication

481

allows for things not to build up or

for there to be like unhealthy habits

482

that are formed in your relationship.

483

So right off the bat, those first

months of marriage, and maybe

484

this is what makes it rocky.

485

I don't know, but I'm all for like

healthy confrontation is like.

486

If something is bugging you, if you

are hurt by something, if there's

487

like a pattern of things that like

you don't like in your relationship,

488

being consistent about bringing those

up is going to help you guys work

489

through that and kind of get to the

root of like, why is this happening?

490

What is like the true intention, you

know, that's coming from my spouse?

491

How can we readjust?

492

Like how can we apologize and grow and

move on and love each other better?

493

And then I feel like you're setting

a foundation one of honesty of

494

like, Hey, we're both growing.

495

We're both in perfect and we both

want to love each other better.

496

And then you're also setting a

foundation of just like learning

497

to love each other better, faster.

498

Yeah.

499

I love that.

500

Okay,

501

I want you to pick the next question.

502

I need a bite of bruschetta.

503

Bruschetta.

504

You can hold my wine.

505

Did you guys think y'all were

attractive from the beginning?

506

Heck yes.

507

Nah.

508

Took a good three months.

509

Wait, actually.

510

Took a good three months

for me to warm up to you.

511

Wait, that was a joke, but actually.

512

Mine was a joke, but also kind of not.

513

Cause remember, like, it's not that I

didn't think you were attractive, but

514

like, I just really saw you as a friend.

515

And then it was like, all of a sudden,

one day we sat down at the cafeteria

516

and I was like, no, one of your friends

mentioned to you that I was cute.

517

And then you got really jealous.

518

And then my eyes were open and I was like,

wait, wait, no, this man is so attractive.

519

Like, what are you talking about?

520

Let's see.

521

What are your coffee orders?

522

Ooh, Mario.

523

I'm gonna have you go first here.

524

Wait, why don't we guess each other's?

525

I already know yours.

526

Well, good.

527

You should, I think

I'd be harder to guess.

528

Yeah, you would be all right.

529

What's mine.

530

It's either a matcha

or what kind of matcha?

531

A matcha latte with one pump of vanilla?

532

Yes.

533

Whole milk.

534

Whole milk?

535

I mean, if you're not doing

whole milk, what are you doing?

536

I don't know, man.

537

Some people are still on this,

like, almond milk, oat milk train.

538

That's got the most froth.

539

Whole milk's got the most froth.

540

Um, or if it's not that,

then it's a chai tea.

541

Yeah, I'm definitely more of a tea girl.

542

I like coffees at home, but I feel

like, what's your coffee order?

543

Tea.

544

My coffee order is tea.

545

I like coffees at home, but I feel

like coffees at a coffee shop are

546

so strong that they make me jittery

and I don't like how that feels.

547

Yeah.

548

Okay.

549

Yours.

550

Your most common order

is just black coffee.

551

I feel like, though, you

also like cappuccinos.

552

I mix it up.

553

I don't have a normal coffee order.

554

I was gonna say, you Americano.

555

Or a cappuccino.

556

Or a black coffee.

557

Or just a black coffee.

558

See, I got them all right.

559

Or.

560

Or, or a chai.

561

You like the chai.

562

If I want something sweet, it's

either a iced vanilla chai, or

563

it's an iced vanilla coffee.

564

But that's never in the morning.

565

Yeah, we've been working on no

coffee first thing in the morning.

566

Get your protein in, people.

567

Oh, this is gonna be a fun episode.

568

Okay,

569

newlyweds here.

570

How do we get better at praying together?

571

Love it.

572

We should have a whole episode on this.

573

On praying together?

574

Yeah.

575

That'd be good.

576

That would be really good.

577

But give me your 30 seconds.

578

Okay, my 30 seconds is

pray together every day.

579

Um, We've talked about this

before, probably on my Instagram.

580

The easiest thing to do is

to pray together before bed.

581

Um, I would encourage that you guys

try to go to bed at the same time.

582

I've recently learned that a lot of

couples don't go to bed at the same time.

583

And so I think this could

make it difficult if you don't

584

go to bed at the same time.

585

Maybe you try and wake up at the same

time you do something in the morning, but.

586

Our thing is to pray before we go

to bed every night, and it could be

587

anywhere from a minute to a few minutes,

um, depending on how sleepy we are.

588

But basically we take turns just

freestyle prayer and just thinking

589

the Lord for our day and our health.

590

Our family is just our list of

things that we're grateful for.

591

And then any petitions that we have

on our heart, any specific, um, Ways

592

that we're trying to intercede for

our family or friends or intentions

593

that people have entrusted to us.

594

And that's about it.

595

That's, and then it's easy.

596

Super easy.

597

And then a Hail Mary or a glory beer or

something like that every single night.

598

And then we've recently

been on a rosary kick.

599

So we've been praying the

rosary a bunch together.

600

Yeah.

601

I've loved that.

602

Which has been great.

603

It's been awesome.

604

It's been awesome.

605

So we try to do it every day.

606

Yeah.

607

Um, we've kind of just been doing that

before bed, before our prayer time too.

608

Yeah.

609

And then the other thing you could

do is just do Alexio together.

610

So read scripture together,

meditate on scripture.

611

Together and like talk about

what you feel like the Lord's

612

speaking to you through scripture.

613

And I mean, that can be anywhere from 10

to 20 minutes, but yeah, 30 minutes to 40.

614

I mean, that could go a long time.

615

All those are great options.

616

And just like, don't be afraid to put like

a schedule on it or like a goal on it.

617

I think a lot of the times people are

like, Oh, if we, if we put parameters

618

on prayer, then the prayer won't be

authentic and won't be good enough.

619

And that's not, that's not true.

620

Like if it's helpful for you to be like,

Hey, we're going to have like Couples

621

Bible study once, once a week, you know,

like Monday nights, it's just us two.

622

And we're going to pray through the

book of John or like Thursday mornings

623

before work, like we're going to go to

adoration together or something like that.

624

If you have something on the calendar,

that's like kind of like a secret

625

time, like even if it's 30 minutes,

um, you're going to get around

626

to it more and don't feel like it

makes that prayer time any less.

627

Cause it totally doesn't.

628

Oh, the other thing too is

intercessory prayer for each other.

629

So if like Mario asked me, like, Hey, I'm

feeling really stressed or I'm feeling

630

really anxious or whatever she's going

through at that time, or if I'm sick, like

631

just, she'll just ask me to pray for her.

632

And so then I can just like lay

my hands on her and intercede

633

for her and or vice versa.

634

If I'm going through some hard times

or just dealing with some things, I can

635

ask her to intercede for me as well.

636

That's really powerful.

637

All right.

638

I'm going to toss this one your way, Mari.

639

Should we do a spicy one?

640

How did you guys stay chaste?

641

Spicy.

642

Tips would be helpful.

643

Spicy or not spicy.

644

How to not be spicy before you're married.

645

How to be appropriately spicy.

646

How to be appropriately spicy.

647

That's going to be a hot topic.

648

Um, I'm not getting into that.

649

We're not going to get into that.

650

Okay.

651

Chastity while we were

dating, I would say you.

652

Yeah, of course we struggled.

653

And it was hard.

654

And it was really hard.

655

Yeah, and that's okay.

656

Like yeah I think there's freedom

knowing that it's okay for it to be

657

hard It's probably a good thing that

you're sexually attracted to each other.

658

Yeah, I would say that's a really

good thing I would hope so.

659

Yeah, so I want to recognize that it's

not Abnormal, it's not like wrong to

660

be sexually attracted to each other.

661

You just need to learn how to channel

it in the right ways You And depending

662

on the what stage of life you're in.

663

And I, and I would say, gosh, we have

so many things that we could talk

664

about in this topic, but one of the

two things come to mind right now, one

665

is that even if you're struggling one,

like just start again, it is absolutely

666

possible to save sex for marriage, right?

667

That is, that is the goal.

668

The hope that sex is a sacred, the

sacred act between husband and wife.

669

Um, And even though we struggled

in chastity, we were still

670

able to save ourselves for

marriage, like sex for marriage.

671

Um, two, I've heard this a lot

recently too, from other friends.

672

I don't know why it's come up, but it's,

uh, it's a saying that like the devil is

673

going to get, try to get you to have as

much sex as possible before you're married

674

and as little sex as after you're married.

675

So one, when you're dating, it's like,

You're on this like honeymoon level where

676

it's like you just want each other so bad

But at the same time there's a level of

677

like spiritual attack on your relationship

If you are a good and holy godly couple

678

that like wants to be chased there's

going to be a level of attack because

679

the evil one wants to Get you to sin

the evil one wants to pull you away from

680

the Lord and from his beautiful intent

for The sacred act and it just shows

681

how powerful that act is like The sexual

intimacy between a man and a wife is

682

it's crazy.

683

Yeah, it's great.

684

It's amazing.

685

No, but it's like very

spiritually powerful too.

686

I'm trying to say like,

that's why the devil is.

687

Yes.

688

Oh my gosh.

689

So spiritual.

690

Okay.

691

Let's talk about that.

692

I think that's something like people

don't actually know a lot about.

693

And that's one of the things that

convicted me in college to be like, super

694

committed about waiting till marriage.

695

It's the whole spiritual reality

of what sex actually entails.

696

So, When you think of the Trinity, you

know that it's three persons in one and

697

the theologically the way that it works

is, uh, because of the love, like the love

698

between God, the father and Jesus, the

love between them is like, so powerful.

699

Selfless, so strong, so loving, so

perfect that a third being emerges

700

from that and is the Holy Spirit.

701

So the Holy Spirit is essentially

the love of God amongst many things,

702

but there's really no other thing

that we see that emulates that.

703

Like marriage, because when a wife

and husband come together in the

704

sexual act, their love unites them

as one, and also brings forth a third

705

brings forth a baby, you know, when

scientifically it works and the Lord

706

allows it to, it brings forth life.

707

So it truly shows the sanctity of what

this spiritual reality of what this is.

708

Um, I don't remember what Are you going

to say something about the wedding vows?

709

Oh, yes.

710

And then the wedding vows.

711

Oh, this got me too.

712

The wedding vows.

713

When you stand at the altar and say

your wedding vows to your husband,

714

uh, in the Catholic church, you

just have like the one option.

715

There's like two variations, but

it's like the same thing basically.

716

And you don't get to like

write your own wedding vows.

717

Like you just say the vows that the

church has given to us for this sacrament.

718

And in it says, I will be, you

know, faithful and fruitful and

719

love you and all these things.

720

All the days of my life.

721

And I don't remember where I learned this.

722

I think it was maybe a book I was

reading or a talk, but I really

723

reflected on those words all the days

of my life within those wedding vows.

724

And if you think about it, like all

the days of your life are all the

725

days of your life, not just the day

of your marriage forward, right?

726

Or the day when you met that person.

727

But like truly that vow.

728

Has the beautiful like intention

for it to be all of the days of

729

your life from the first day of your

life till the last day of your life.

730

And so that was an encouragement for

me to be like, when I get up on the

731

altar, I want to look at my husband in

his, in the eyes and say, truly, I, you

732

know, am committed to you and have saved

myself for you all the days of my life.

733

So that was like a beautiful encouragement

that I had to wait till marriage and

734

that we both thought was awesome.

735

And then some practical, yes,

practicals, um, confession, a thousand

736

percent, just get a confession as

soon as you can after you fall.

737

Um, don't let, it's really easy

to like fall and then just kind of

738

give up and like, you know, Go a

few weeks of continually falling

739

over and over and over again.

740

So best way to like cut

that cycle is to just get to

741

confession as fast as possible.

742

Jesus wants to forgive you.

743

He wants you to start again.

744

He never gets tired of forgiving you.

745

He will never get tired of you.

746

The priest will never get

tired of hearing you either.

747

And so go together.

748

You can go together.

749

Can you?

750

Um, or not like in the same room together.

751

Oh yeah.

752

go back to back.

753

Yes.

754

You can go like to the church together.

755

Yeah.

756

You can't go in the same confessional.

757

I think you can when

you're married though.

758

Yeah.

759

We've never done that.

760

Um.

761

Another practical.

762

Another practical.

763

Okay.

764

For these practicals, I just want

you to hear me out here because when

765

we first started dating, we thought

we were just like totally strong

766

and invincible and we were like, Oh

yeah, like we're going to be great.

767

To be fair, this was our first

relationship where we were both

768

committed Catholics that actually

wanted to be chased in our relationship

769

and strive to save sex for marriage.

770

And so it was.

771

Very encouraging.

772

And it is very hard if you, if

your significant other does not

773

have the desire to wait till

marriage, it's very, very hard.

774

Um, but,

775

but we still struggled at times and

there were times where we actually

776

had to set certain boundaries that at

first I thought were like, We were too

777

good for, you know, that we're stupid

and that we're just like, dumb, you

778

know, like, why are we doing this?

779

And they actually were very

effective and helped very much.

780

And so I just want you to hear this when

we say them, like, they're not stupid.

781

If you need to do them, it's not dumb.

782

Like they do work and you should do them.

783

And there's our dog.

784

Bodhi.

785

He just wants to get under the couch.

786

Down, Bodhi!

787

Of those would be to set a curfew.

788

Um, I think we had a curfew of

like 10pm or something like that.

789

And An open door policy of like, we

could hang out with my room in my room

790

if the door was open or like we had to

be hanging out downstairs in the living

791

room and you had to leave by 10 p.

792

m.

793

or like I had to leave your house by 10 p.

794

m.

795

The door open policy is great

when you have roommates.

796

The door open policy was on, is

honestly my number one recommendation.

797

If you live by yourself, it kind

of defeats the purpose, but true.

798

If you live by yourself, just

don't go in the bedroom, honestly.

799

Yeah.

800

But if you live with roommates, door open

policy is a great policy for any room.

801

And then the curfew, I

know it feels stupid.

802

You're like, I'm totally old

enough not to have a curfew, but

803

it just gets harder after 10 PM.

804

And honestly, for the guy, it sucks.

805

Cause you always have to leave

super late and you're exhausted.

806

And another one that I've heard is

two feet on the ground at all times.

807

If you don't have two feet on the ground.

808

We have not done that.

809

Risky things will happen..

810

Okay, I'll take the next one.

811

Yeah.

812

How to encourage your husband to lead

the family, especially in regards

813

You just asked yourself a question.

814

How do you do it, Mari?

815

I want to also hear from you.

816

I will, I will share but, you start.

817

Of like how you feel most encouraged.

818

Yeah.

819

Um, I would say that I hear this

question and desire a lot from women,

820

um, wanting their husbands to lead.

821

And, I feel like what I've learned

over the years is that women are a

822

little bit more naturally or more

easily like spiritually inclined.

823

And I think that's just

because we're more emotional.

824

That doesn't mean that like we

have to be the ones to lead.

825

And actually, the man is the

one who is more inclined to

826

like lead with authority.

827

And to have that like natural authority

in his family, as well as spiritually,

828

like it is spiritually true that a husband

has authority over his wife and his home,

829

which is why it's so powerful when a

husband prays over his wife and children

830

and blesses his wife and children.

831

But one thing that I have learned

and noticed, and in, in certain

832

times when I feel like I desire

this, try to hone in on is.

833

to encourage more than

to, like, criticize.

834

And I think that that's something

that's hard for me sometimes because

835

I'm a very, very hard on myself.

836

And so sometimes it comes off

like being hard on you or like

837

being hard on people around me.

838

And it truly just comes from

like a desire to like be better,

839

you know, and to like grow.

840

But we as wives have the power

to break our husbands down

841

or build our husbands up.

842

And so in times when you desire

your husband to lead more or to grow

843

in an area or whatever, you it's

almost like a, you have to really

844

stop and think like, okay, how.

845

actually can I shift my mindset and not

see the ways that he's falling, the ways

846

that he, that I wish he was doing better,

but like, what is he doing well now?

847

How can I build him up and use

words of encouragement to like

848

nudge in the area of leadership?

849

Um, without just like a constant, like

you should be doing this, you should be

850

doing this, you should be doing this.

851

Yeah.

852

I mean, that's exactly

what I was going to say.

853

Okay.

854

Is.

855

Error on the side of building

up as opposed to tearing down.

856

Like what specifically though do

you feel like you could say or do?

857

Because I know also like there's cases

too where like maybe like you're praising

858

all the things your husband's doing

well, but like if they're literally

859

not leading in the faith at all.

860

Right.

861

You have to bring it up.

862

Yeah.

863

Like, like what do you say?

864

There's obviously going to be times where

you can like ask, like, Hey husband, I

865

would feel a great line would be like, I

would feel really loved if you did this.

866

Because that, that sound that's

received way better than saying, Hey,

867

you need to be doing this better,

or you need to be doing this more.

868

Like, then it's something that like,

Oh my gosh, I'm failing at that.

869

I'm not good enough at that.

870

I need to be better at that.

871

Like, I feel like men are being told all

the time through their jobs and throughout

872

their day and from their wives and

their kids, like all the stuff that they

873

need to do or need to be doing better.

874

And so that's really exhausting.

875

And so, um, if you say, if you just

frame the, uh, Questioner, like the,

876

the desire as like, Hey, this would,

I would feel really loved if you did

877

this or like, this would mean a lot

to me if you prayed with me every

878

morning or prayed with me this day.

879

Or you, if you went to

mass with me this day.

880

Yeah.

881

Or if you like initiated prayer

yourself instead of me always being

882

the one that's like, Oh my gosh.

883

Cause like men want to

rise to the challenge.

884

Like they want to love their wife,

but they are going to be less

885

motivated to do that if their wife is.

886

Just their biggest critic.

887

Yeah, I would say to something that

just came to mind is men want to rise

888

to the challenge Some might feel an

intimidation to lead in the faith.

889

Some might feel like I don't know how

to lead in the faith I don't know what

890

to do in prayer, you know, like some

may not have had a Good formation or

891

enough experience in their own prayer

life to really lead their family and

892

their wives So maybe even suggesting

like doing something together is a

893

great start before you You Expect your

husband to be the one initiating, uh,

894

faith prayer formation or whatever it is.

895

So just be like, Hey, I would

love for us to have some time to

896

connect in our faith together.

897

Like what if we read a

spiritual book together?

898

Or what if we read a book of the

Bible or whatever together someplace

899

where you're like, Actively learning.

900

And I feel like as you learn more,

you gain more confidence and then,

901

or have practiced at once, then the

husband can gain more confidence

902

to them, like initiate next time.

903

Yeah.

904

Then the other thing too, is recognize

when he does lead and notice that

905

like one, notice it enough to.

906

Respond and respond generously

and not be like, Oh, I'm tired.

907

Or, Oh, I don't want to.

908

Or, Oh, I'm busy.

909

Or, Oh, I, the kids need me.

910

Or, Oh, I have this work to do.

911

Like, like if you were desiring him to

lead, and if he, if he steps out and

912

courage, like try to do this thing that

he's not comfortable with, or doesn't

913

have experience with, or is scared of,

or what have you, like, if he steps

914

out and tries to do this and then it

gets just shot down by you, because.

915

You're too busy or you don't

want to, you're too tired.

916

Like that's not going to be very

encouraging for him next time.

917

So one notice when he does that,

then you can respond generously,

918

but then to notice, because then

you can praise him and thank him.

919

And like, if, if you notice enough to

say thank you, like that meant a lot

920

to me, then the chances of the guy

doing it again will be much higher.

921

Yeah.

922

Last thing I'll say is try and find

a couple of friends or at least like

923

encourage him to find other men in

his life that are striving to be good

924

Catholic and Christian husbands as well.

925

That makes all the difference.

926

I feel like good men just are encouraged

by good men and are like challenged in the

927

best way to be better men by each other.

928

And so like when you're in community

with other guys and you just see them.

929

Like treating their wives beautifully

and leading their families in the faith.

930

You're just.

931

immediately like soaking that up

and you're encouraging each other.

932

Like, Oh my gosh, we

should all be doing this.

933

Okay.

934

How, how to handle wedding

night when it's your first time?

935

This is me almost, or

no, this is almost me.

936

I'm three weeks away from getting married.

937

Great.

938

I hope you're listening.

939

I love this question.

940

Trey's excited answer.

941

So I'm gonna let you go first.

942

Remove any sort of expectation or like

seeing from a movie or anything like,

943

anything like you thought you or you

imagined in your first time being or your,

944

your wedding night being like, just get

that out of your head and recognize that

945

it's It's just not going to be like that.

946

And that doesn't mean it's going to suck.

947

No, no, no, no, no.

948

It's going to be beautiful.

949

It's just not, it's just literally not

going to be what you saw on a screen one

950

day in the rom com movie that you love.

951

And I mean.

952

What else?

953

The house, what more, how deep

do you want to get into this?

954

I don't know how to handle wedding

night when it's your first time.

955

Um, I think

956

something I would suggest is like,

it's okay to talk about it before.

957

I think like, there's like a

prudent window of like when

958

you should, Talk about it.

959

How often you should talk about it.

960

Like maybe if you just started dating

or if you maybe just got engaged,

961

I don't know, like how detailed do

you want to get, but like, as you're

962

getting closer to the wedding, three

weeks, three weeks away, especially

963

like you can definitely talk about it.

964

I would encourage you.

965

Yes.

966

Like, please.

967

Yeah.

968

Definitely encourage you to talk about

it and talk about like, Hey, like, what

969

do you think it's going to be like?

970

Like, what are your expectations?

971

Like, what are you hoping for?

972

Like, are you nervous about anything?

973

Like, do you want to

talk through anything?

974

Because.

975

It's going to be new and if you can't

talk about it before you're doing

976

it, how are you going to be talking

about it while you're doing it?

977

Because especially when it's your first

time or first time together and like

978

you're learning and you're learning.

979

How to love the other person in this

new and exciting way, and that's going

980

to require a lot of communication

so that it's done actually lovingly.

981

Yeah.

982

Uh, another thing I would add is just

relax and leave time to yourself.

983

To like unwind together.

984

One thing I didn't realize for

like the wedding day was that

985

I was going to be so exhausted.

986

I had never heard a bride say how

exhausted she was at the end of the day,

987

and it doesn't mean it wasn't a good day.

988

It was a great day, but

truthfully by 7 30 p.

989

m.

990

I went up to train.

991

I was like, Hey, when

do we get to go home?

992

You know, and I loved my

wedding like party, but.

993

You're pretty tired at the end of the day

and it can be a lot like physically and

994

emotionally I think like there's a lot

of like nerves and tension from the day.

995

That's like being released like

your body is like Unwinding and

996

then it's like this big moment.

997

You've been waiting for so like she

said remove expectations But then

998

take time don't rush like unwind

like again, it's not like It doesn't

999

have to be like the movies and it

probably won't be like the movies.

00:50:12,798 --> 00:50:14,648

It doesn't mean like you walk

into your hotel room and you

00:50:14,658 --> 00:50:15,548

rip each other's clothes off.

00:50:15,558 --> 00:50:16,078

You know what I mean?

00:50:16,088 --> 00:50:20,328

Like, like take a bath, like

take a shower, like, like

00:50:20,328 --> 00:50:21,748

lie down together, talk.

00:50:21,748 --> 00:50:26,368

Like we prayed before, like we like said a

prayer before and had a little bit of time

00:50:26,368 --> 00:50:28,288

with God to like be with us in that time.

00:50:28,288 --> 00:50:29,658

So it's okay to.

00:50:30,223 --> 00:50:36,203

Just be in the moment and relax and,

and don't have this pressure of this,

00:50:36,203 --> 00:50:40,973

like, super quick, passionate moment.

00:50:41,413 --> 00:50:41,783

Yeah.

00:50:42,693 --> 00:50:43,053

Yeah.

00:50:43,233 --> 00:50:45,963

It's going to be not what you

expected, but it's going to be

00:50:45,963 --> 00:50:49,113

beautiful and just talk through it.

00:50:49,853 --> 00:50:52,613

Uh, just do your best to

love each other and yeah.

00:50:53,453 --> 00:50:56,963

Um, last thing I'll say is coconut oil.

00:50:57,988 --> 00:51:00,648

And, and that's all we're

going to say on that.

00:51:01,608 --> 00:51:02,368

It's a good alternative.

00:51:02,608 --> 00:51:04,868

It's a good, you know, I'm,

I'm all about clean living.

00:51:04,878 --> 00:51:05,318

That's right.

00:51:05,418 --> 00:51:08,378

Just don't get into the toxins.

00:51:09,008 --> 00:51:09,748

Works wonders.

00:51:09,748 --> 00:51:12,978

Oh, my mom isn't listening.

00:51:14,378 --> 00:51:17,398

Uh, last one.

00:51:17,408 --> 00:51:18,008

Make it count.

00:51:18,548 --> 00:51:19,828

I feel like we need to do like two more.

00:51:21,278 --> 00:51:21,528

Okay.

00:51:21,528 --> 00:51:22,698

You choose one and I'll choose one.

00:51:25,168 --> 00:51:26,158

It smells so good.

00:51:26,158 --> 00:51:28,578

I can smell the pasta, the pasta sauce,

00:51:30,858 --> 00:51:34,338

the ragu sauce smells like Italy.

00:51:35,853 --> 00:51:36,283

There we go.

00:51:37,673 --> 00:51:41,553

If it's not too personal, struggles

learning and apply NFP methods.

00:51:41,743 --> 00:51:42,793

I'm struggling right now.

00:51:45,203 --> 00:51:46,033

That's really good.

00:51:46,113 --> 00:51:51,023

Um, we have always tracked

my cycle with Creighton.

00:51:53,513 --> 00:51:55,363

That's one of the models that you can use.

00:51:55,473 --> 00:51:57,783

Another popular one is Marquette.

00:51:57,913 --> 00:52:00,173

I would say those are probably

the top two ones I hear about.

00:52:00,173 --> 00:52:01,193

Or Symptothermal.

00:52:02,183 --> 00:52:03,703

Yes, those are the three main.

00:52:04,223 --> 00:52:08,603

Marquette is definitely, I feel like

a steeper, or sorry, not Marquette,

00:52:08,733 --> 00:52:12,633

Creighton, the one that we do has a

little bit of a steeper learning curve.

00:52:12,693 --> 00:52:15,013

Like it is, it's a little

bit more involved, a little

00:52:15,013 --> 00:52:16,683

bit harder to get a grasp on.

00:52:17,338 --> 00:52:20,808

But I mean, once you have,

it's not, it's not hard.

00:52:22,068 --> 00:52:23,938

I mean like give it a couple

of weeks and you'll be fine.

00:52:24,518 --> 00:52:26,728

We've been doing it ever

since like we were engaged.

00:52:26,758 --> 00:52:27,778

So literally like.

00:52:28,688 --> 00:52:29,738

Five years or something like that.

00:52:30,218 --> 00:52:30,508

Yeah.

00:52:30,658 --> 00:52:31,958

So we do that.

00:52:32,378 --> 00:52:32,878

It's great.

00:52:32,908 --> 00:52:33,548

We love it.

00:52:33,618 --> 00:52:36,158

Um, I think it's super cool.

00:52:36,158 --> 00:52:37,428

I found it fascinating.

00:52:37,488 --> 00:52:37,778

Okay.

00:52:37,778 --> 00:52:37,918

Yeah.

00:52:37,918 --> 00:52:39,548

Why did you think it was fascinating?

00:52:39,638 --> 00:52:44,368

I mean, guys are never taught

this stuff about women and it was

00:52:44,368 --> 00:52:46,628

just cool to be like, oh my gosh.

00:52:46,628 --> 00:52:49,848

And I like know my wife

so much better now.

00:52:49,848 --> 00:52:53,658

I like understand a little bit

deeper, like what she's going

00:52:53,658 --> 00:52:55,428

through and how her body is.

00:52:56,128 --> 00:53:01,558

Responding to things and why, and

then how like that relationship

00:53:01,558 --> 00:53:05,628

between man and woman and like just

the intricacies and the way that God

00:53:05,648 --> 00:53:07,128

designed it all is really fascinating.

00:53:07,258 --> 00:53:07,678

Yeah.

00:53:08,388 --> 00:53:12,458

I would say since the question asks about

challenges, like the challenges we've

00:53:12,458 --> 00:53:15,568

faced with Creighton, I think like Trey

said, the learning curve at the very

00:53:15,568 --> 00:53:17,398

beginning, but that's only a few weeks.

00:53:17,978 --> 00:53:21,128

Um, and then.

00:53:22,258 --> 00:53:26,148

I think now like three years into

marriage, just keeping up with

00:53:26,148 --> 00:53:28,318

it, just like the daily thing.

00:53:28,368 --> 00:53:35,298

Um, natural family planning can

be used to both postpone pregnancy

00:53:35,298 --> 00:53:37,418

as well as achieve pregnancy.

00:53:37,448 --> 00:53:39,258

And so this is like a misconception.

00:53:39,258 --> 00:53:41,848

A lot of times people

hear, Oh, you do NFP.

00:53:41,848 --> 00:53:43,978

It means you're trying not to

have kids and that's not true.

00:53:43,988 --> 00:53:46,968

Like, we are actively

trying to have kids and.

00:53:47,238 --> 00:53:49,458

We are still considered using NFP.

00:53:49,798 --> 00:53:53,898

Um, and the reason why it's amazing

is because NFP and Creighton tells you

00:53:54,218 --> 00:53:55,948

exactly where you are in your cycle.

00:53:56,008 --> 00:54:00,228

Every single day, your body gives you

physical markers of where you're at in

00:54:00,228 --> 00:54:02,008

your cycle, what your hormones are doing.

00:54:02,428 --> 00:54:06,078

And so, you know, when you're fertile

and when you're not fertile and using

00:54:06,078 --> 00:54:09,278

that information, you can choose, are we

going to actively try and have a baby?

00:54:09,288 --> 00:54:11,668

Or are we going to try and wait

this month and not have a baby?

00:54:12,088 --> 00:54:17,018

Um, I think we face some, you know,

there's like always some hardship,

00:54:17,018 --> 00:54:19,988

like If there's ever months where

you're not trying to have a baby,

00:54:19,988 --> 00:54:23,928

like the first few months of our

marriage, we were postponing pregnancy.

00:54:24,438 --> 00:54:29,958

And that's a challenge too, because

you, like when you postpone pregnancy,

00:54:29,958 --> 00:54:34,048

you're avoiding during the week of

the month where your hormones are

00:54:34,048 --> 00:54:38,018

like flaring up, like, yeah, yeah.

00:54:38,018 --> 00:54:40,938

Where your libido is like

the highest as a woman.

00:54:40,958 --> 00:54:46,828

And so to be avoiding that month or that

week is a little bit more challenging.

00:54:46,868 --> 00:54:49,953

Um, I would say two.

00:54:49,953 --> 00:54:54,553

I think, you know, when you are

in that stage of life where you're

00:54:54,553 --> 00:54:56,243

postponing pregnancy, it is.

00:54:57,213 --> 00:55:03,533

It's challenging because the guys are

always ready to go most part and the

00:55:03,533 --> 00:55:09,263

women, they have a much higher sex drive

during the time when they're ovulating.

00:55:10,013 --> 00:55:14,083

And so, and other than that, it's

like, you got to work to get there.

00:55:14,173 --> 00:55:14,453

Yeah.

00:55:14,453 --> 00:55:16,243

Like they might not want that.

00:55:16,253 --> 00:55:22,123

There's like, just not going to feel

as inclined and like desirous of it.

00:55:22,683 --> 00:55:26,203

The other times of the month when you

actually are like able to have sex, if

00:55:26,203 --> 00:55:28,363

you're avoiding that ovulation phase.

00:55:28,363 --> 00:55:28,703

Yeah.

00:55:29,903 --> 00:55:35,183

So I think instead of letting that,

like, build a resentment or tension

00:55:35,183 --> 00:55:38,273

in the marriage where the guy's like,

oh my gosh, like, she never wants

00:55:38,273 --> 00:55:40,363

to have sex with me or like, or the.

00:55:41,188 --> 00:55:41,418

Yeah.

00:55:41,418 --> 00:55:43,258

You're just like, if you guys aren't

coming together in that way, because

00:55:43,258 --> 00:55:45,458

it's so important, like, I think

you just need to talk about it.

00:55:45,498 --> 00:55:54,458

And then that's on the guy then also to

be mindful of when his spouse is not in

00:55:54,788 --> 00:56:00,148

the ovulation phase and do a lot more

work building up, not just like in bed,

00:56:00,148 --> 00:56:02,588

but like the hours, the day leading up.

00:56:02,993 --> 00:56:04,623

To like romance.

00:56:04,623 --> 00:56:06,703

Yeah, romance.

00:56:06,783 --> 00:56:08,393

And build that up.

00:56:09,123 --> 00:56:09,743

In different ways.

00:56:11,623 --> 00:56:16,943

So, one thing I've heard too is also

just those times of waiting take

00:56:16,943 --> 00:56:18,193

you back to when you were dating.

00:56:18,233 --> 00:56:21,273

And when you were trying to be chaste

and not have sex before you were married.

00:56:21,808 --> 00:56:23,608

How did you try and love each other then?

00:56:23,658 --> 00:56:26,948

And kind of go back to finding

different ways to love each other.

00:56:26,948 --> 00:56:30,568

That's not physically writing

letters, going on a date, doing

00:56:30,568 --> 00:56:34,008

an activity together, you know,

just hugging, like whatever it is.

00:56:34,008 --> 00:56:39,568

And I would say, I mean,

ultimately like pick a method.

00:56:40,068 --> 00:56:44,678

Yeah, if you're struggling, continue to

keep trying to learn it, but like pick

00:56:44,728 --> 00:56:48,308

one method and stick to it and stick

to it, regardless of where you are.

00:56:48,308 --> 00:56:50,918

Like, it will come in

handy to track your cycle.

00:56:51,278 --> 00:56:51,558

Yeah.

00:56:51,568 --> 00:56:54,458

Whether you're trying to achieve,

postpone, or just learn more

00:56:54,458 --> 00:56:55,508

about your own woman's health.

00:56:55,528 --> 00:56:57,988

Like, it's going to be a

huge and I would be a ton of.

00:56:59,003 --> 00:57:05,383

And I would say like, encourage your

fiance if, cause this was a girl that

00:57:05,413 --> 00:57:09,423

asks, like encourage your fiance or your

spouse to be involved in the process.

00:57:10,033 --> 00:57:13,383

Um, there's a lot of guys who don't

get involved and it's just the girl who

00:57:13,383 --> 00:57:14,653

tracks everything and knows everything.

00:57:14,653 --> 00:57:18,423

But like Trey said it's been super

impactful and life changing for him to

00:57:18,423 --> 00:57:24,563

actually know all the ins and outs of the

intricacy of women's bodies and his wife.

00:57:25,913 --> 00:57:26,333

Okay.

00:57:26,333 --> 00:57:26,953

Last question.

00:57:28,768 --> 00:57:36,168

Last question is, how long have you

been trying heart hands, heart emoji.

00:57:36,698 --> 00:57:37,748

Thank you for the heart.

00:57:37,878 --> 00:57:38,928

Thank you for the love.

00:57:39,578 --> 00:57:43,828

Um, I'm assuming they're asking how

long we've been trying for baby.

00:57:44,788 --> 00:57:50,018

And that's been two and a half years,

a little bit over two and a half years.

00:57:50,518 --> 00:57:56,748

Like we just talked about, we

didn't, uh, actively try for a baby.

00:57:56,748 --> 00:58:03,018

We were, Avoiding pregnancy for a few

months and then we started trying, uh,

00:58:03,028 --> 00:58:08,348

about nine months into, into marriage or

like eight months or something like that.

00:58:10,398 --> 00:58:14,608

So do you want to just like touch a little

bit on like what it's like right now?

00:58:15,828 --> 00:58:16,298

Yeah.

00:58:16,618 --> 00:58:20,538

There was a few questions on this so we

can just kind of do a quick overview.

00:58:20,898 --> 00:58:21,188

Yeah.

00:58:21,198 --> 00:58:22,588

I mean it's hard I think.

00:58:23,088 --> 00:58:24,588

It's

00:58:27,448 --> 00:58:33,178

very challenging and, you know, we go back

and forth between like questioning God

00:58:33,208 --> 00:58:36,308

and, you know, trying to figure out why.

00:58:36,478 --> 00:58:39,588

And then also just like, trying

to lean into him and we got him

00:58:39,588 --> 00:58:41,268

for strength and encouragement.

00:58:41,958 --> 00:58:46,528

Um, I mean, we're at this point right

now where we're just like, still trying

00:58:46,528 --> 00:58:50,358

to figure out why, like, we don't really

have a clear cut answer right now.

00:58:50,498 --> 00:58:52,498

Um, so that's also makes a little bit.

00:58:52,903 --> 00:58:58,083

More challenging because there's not

like a, we've had like a few things

00:58:58,083 --> 00:59:00,053

come up that we have like addressed.

00:59:00,113 --> 00:59:00,653

Yeah.

00:59:00,843 --> 00:59:05,843

Um, we don't really share the details

of like our medical journey or anything

00:59:05,843 --> 00:59:08,393

like that publicly, but there's been

a few things that have come out that

00:59:08,393 --> 00:59:12,173

we've addressed, but nothing that

has like Solved the problem, right?

00:59:12,783 --> 00:59:15,903

Um, We're working with

a really great doctor.

00:59:16,133 --> 00:59:22,213

We have a lot of hope Like Trey said,

it's it's really hard emotionally

00:59:22,223 --> 00:59:25,998

physically spiritually emotionally

Um, and in all aspects, it's the

00:59:25,998 --> 00:59:30,168

hardest thing I've ever done in my

entire life or ever gone through.

00:59:30,168 --> 00:59:36,368

I think you could maybe say

similarly, uh, harder for you than me.

00:59:36,368 --> 00:59:40,038

I mean, it's hard for me,

but it's definitely, it's a

00:59:40,038 --> 00:59:40,778

little bit different for you.

00:59:41,008 --> 00:59:41,408

Yeah.

00:59:41,868 --> 00:59:42,668

Yeah, for sure.

00:59:43,198 --> 00:59:51,348

Um, but as hard as it's been and

this is totally, I'm, I'm literally

00:59:51,358 --> 00:59:52,788

able to say this because of.

00:59:53,258 --> 00:59:56,818

The grace of God, because

it's, like I said, the biggest

00:59:56,818 --> 00:59:58,518

cross we've ever carried.

00:59:59,508 --> 01:00:03,448

There have been really beautiful

fruits that have come from it.

01:00:03,548 --> 01:00:08,048

And I think that's like, one of them

is just such a greater intimacy in

01:00:08,048 --> 01:00:11,338

our marriage, just like us being so.

01:00:11,708 --> 01:00:17,278

United through this and being our rock

for each other and like biggest support

01:00:17,278 --> 01:00:22,398

system, because this is something people

just don't understand until they're in it.

01:00:22,508 --> 01:00:23,838

And that's just the reality.

01:00:23,878 --> 01:00:28,838

I remember hearing about, you know,

infertility when we were engaged or

01:00:28,838 --> 01:00:32,448

married, and it was just a floating

word to me and it didn't mean anything.

01:00:32,478 --> 01:00:35,878

And I had no idea really

what that looked like.

01:00:35,878 --> 01:00:43,603

And even friends that are in it with

us or Walking alongside us, they have

01:00:43,613 --> 01:00:46,653

all the empathy and compassion in the

world, but nobody really understands

01:00:46,693 --> 01:00:48,633

like your spouse that's going through it.

01:00:48,643 --> 01:00:54,953

So it has been very uniting for each

other, as well as uniting with our

01:00:54,963 --> 01:00:57,273

relationship with God, or at least for me.

01:00:58,103 --> 01:01:03,643

And that's because I've gone

through trenches of questioning so

01:01:03,643 --> 01:01:06,283

much and being so mad at God that.

01:01:07,028 --> 01:01:10,968

He somehow brought me full circle,

you know, and has allowed me to

01:01:11,728 --> 01:01:16,428

experience all of the feelings and

emotions and has given me the grace.

01:01:16,428 --> 01:01:19,768

And mostly Trey has really

encouraged me no matter what I'm

01:01:19,768 --> 01:01:21,898

feeling to bring it to the Lord.

01:01:21,928 --> 01:01:27,218

Like if I'm super down or if I'm mad or

if I'm hopeful or excited or trusting,

01:01:27,268 --> 01:01:30,788

whatever it is that I'm feeling,

you encouraged me to go to the Lord.