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Attention-Seeking Drama Queen #05
Episode 5 • 5th February 2024 • DiabeticReal • Deborah E Anderson
00:00:00 00:21:16

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In this episode of DiabeticReal, Deborah E delves into the topic of attention-seeking behavior and the misconceptions surrounding it. Drawing from her personal experiences with Type 1 Diabetes and the misunderstandings she faced growing up, she provides valuable insights into the complexities of chronic illness and the impact it can have on interpersonal relationships. Deborah E's candid storytelling and psychological expertise offer listeners a thought-provoking perspective on seeking attention versus genuine need in the context of health challenges. Tune in for an eye-opening discussion that will resonate with anyone navigating chronic conditions or seeking to understand the experiences of others.

Chapters

  • 00:00 Introduction and addressing the topic.
  • 02:31 Definition of Mental Illness according to Medical News Today.
  • 07:26 Lack of understanding in childhood affects adulthood.
  • 10:46 Challenges of home health care, on the family.
  • 16:07 Parents treat sick child differently, causing resentment.
  • 18:35 People's adversity, need for empathy and understanding.
  • 19:58 Closing

Research Links


Community

Join the DiabeticReal Podcast crew (fan club) at DiabeticReal.net. This is for ALL people, and not just diabetics. It is about the attitude of thriving and listening to our bodies, as well as living positively and encouraging each other.


Episode Credits

Perfectly Wonderful World [Episode Music]


For more information or questions, please feel free to contact us via DiabeticReal.show/contact. (Be sure to mention it if you are a DiabeticReal Community Member!)


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Transcripts

Deborah E:

I'm living inside of this perfectly wonderful world.

Deborah E:

And, again, I'm not throwing blame.

Deborah E:

I'm saying there was not the understanding there.

Deborah E:

that needed to be there when it needed to be there.

Deborah E:

And that's common because, hey, we're human beings.

Deborah E:

We don't just pop out of the womb knowing everything, do we?

Michael Anderson:

Join Deborah E, multi-award-winning singer, podcaster, and

Michael Anderson:

speaker, who proves that being diagnosed with a life-changing illness as a child,

Michael Anderson:

along with countless hospitalizations in a family who told everyone she'd be dead

Michael Anderson:

before she reached puberty does not have to stand in the way of life well-lived.

Narrator:

The DiabeticReal podcast and the content of its websites are

Narrator:

presented solely for educational purposes and the views and opinions

Narrator:

expressed by guests and theirs alone.

Narrator:

They do not necessarily reflect that of the host of the podcast.

Narrator:

The content is not intended to substitute for professional medical diagnosis,

Narrator:

advice or treatment ongoing or otherwise.

Narrator:

Be sure to always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified

Narrator:

healthcare provider with any questions regarding your healthcare

Deborah E:

in this episode, we're going to talk about attention.

Deborah E:

And I've called this one, let's see, Attention-Seeking Drama Queen.

Deborah E:

And it's sort of inspired by the view that my brother, um,

Deborah E:

and you'll hear more about him.

Deborah E:

I know, don't I just love telling you what you're going to hear about in

Deborah E:

future podcasts instead of, no, I, not instead of, I do, I do fulfill.

Deborah E:

I do actually tell you stories in each podcast, but I also tell

Deborah E:

you what you're going to hear about in future podcasts too.

Deborah E:

But anyway, um.

Deborah E:

My brother used to treat me as if all I seemed to want was attention and

Deborah E:

that actually isn't the case in my defense, but that's what we're here

Deborah E:

to talk about today about some of the misconceptions and it might not

Deborah E:

be a misconception across the board.

Deborah E:

But let me back up.

Deborah E:

First of all, let's talk about attention-seeking.

Deborah E:

It just so happens that my degree, I'm working on my, my,

Deborah E:

uh, actually my PhD in psychology.

Deborah E:

So, uh, see, you're learning all kinds of things about me.

Deborah E:

Not only am I number one jazz singer, but yes, going for that psychologist.

Deborah E:

I just need to finish my thesis and then be a PhD.

Deborah E:

I have all the rest of it completed.

Deborah E:

Anyway, the attention-seeking behavior and I'm looking at a website right in front of

Deborah E:

me right now and it's on MedicalNewsToday.

Deborah E:

com.

Deborah E:

I don't really know a lot about this website.

Deborah E:

I literally googled.

Deborah E:

Okay, so Right before the the podcast I could have gone to psychology today that

Deborah E:

probably would have been a little bit more reputable but this This look pretty good.

Deborah E:

And so I'm going to read off what I'm seeing here.

Deborah E:

As far as the in adults, it says attention-seeking behavior

Deborah E:

may include the following.

Deborah E:

And by the way, a lot of different sites have the same listing here.

Deborah E:

So you can do your own Googling and you'll probably find very, a very similar list.

Deborah E:

We've got, um, using social media.

Deborah E:

And I, I am quoting, so to the credit of Medical News Today, again, I'll include

Deborah E:

the link in the show notes, so shout out to Medical News Today, um, using social

Deborah E:

media to fulfill a need for affirmation and going to greater lengths to gain

Deborah E:

comments, likes, shares, reposts, and attention from friends or followers.

Deborah E:

Do you know anyone like that?

Deborah E:

Okay.

Deborah E:

Another one is displaying issues with boundaries with others.

Deborah E:

Yeah, I can think of a few people like that.

Deborah E:

Yeah.

Deborah E:

Okay.

Deborah E:

Being overly dramatic or emotional in public.

Deborah E:

Mm hmm.

Deborah E:

Okay.

Deborah E:

Feeling ignored if they are not the center of attention.

Deborah E:

Seeking out compliments or validation from others.

Deborah E:

Okay, now I'm actually feeling very empathetic for the

Deborah E:

person who's displaying this.

Deborah E:

I'm, I mean, that's exactly what they want, but I'm really feeling like

Deborah E:

this person has some serious needs.

Deborah E:

No, I mean, not just wants, but they, they really have some, well,

Deborah E:

they have some behavioral issues.

Deborah E:

They actually have, uh, You know, form of mental illness here, um, pretending

Deborah E:

they're unable to carry out a task to receive help and attention from others.

Deborah E:

Now that one, I want to come back to that one because that's, that is actually

Deborah E:

something that my brother used to accuse me of when I was about eight years old.

Deborah E:

But anyway, exaggerating or embellishing to gain more

Deborah E:

praise or sympathy from others.

Deborah E:

And yes, my brother used to accuse me of that, too, when I was about eight.

Deborah E:

And being controversial to gain a reaction.

Deborah E:

Now that's, that's a list for adults.

Deborah E:

There actually is a little bonus section here, because it's how,

Deborah E:

um, Might a child seek attention.

Deborah E:

Okay, maybe we should skip this one because this doesn't really relate

Deborah E:

But I'll just I'll read this list really quickly just for those of you

Deborah E:

are curious But this list includes things like yelling and screaming run

Deborah E:

away push or hit others disobey break rules those kinds of things Not really.

Deborah E:

I mean, I didn't even do those kind of things when I was a child anyway,

Deborah E:

okay that's totally off topic, but the reason I brought this list up is

Deborah E:

because the A lot of these things, like for example, the one I'm pretending

Deborah E:

they are unable to carry out a task to receive help and attention from others.

Deborah E:

That was one, um, that my brother used to like to zero in on.

Deborah E:

He'd say, hey, we're out here raking leaves and Deb is, is complaining that

Deborah E:

she can't do it and she just wants attention and dah dah dah dah dah dah.

Deborah E:

And she's just attention-seeking and basically wanting to call you

Deborah E:

mentally, mentally ill at, Eight.

Deborah E:

Now there's two ways to look at this.

Deborah E:

First of all, I'm telling you right now, I don't want attention.

Deborah E:

I do not want attention for having type one diabetes.

Deborah E:

I really don't.

Deborah E:

In fact, I was reluctant to even start DiabeticReal.

Deborah E:

I'm reluctant to have a podcast.

Deborah E:

Um, we'll talk about that in another.

Deborah E:

In fact, I did talk about that as far as how I started it.

Deborah E:

This podcast and why I started Diabetic Row.

Deborah E:

I believe that's in the first episode.

Deborah E:

So you can go back to one of those episodes on why I'm doing this.

Deborah E:

Otherwise, I'd be perfectly happy to go crawl under a rock somewhere and

Deborah E:

just not talk to anybody about this.

Deborah E:

I don't want the attention for being a diabetic, but Don't just

Deborah E:

believe me because I'm saying it.

Deborah E:

Let's look at the logic behind this, and that is that the, the aspect

Deborah E:

of, okay, again, I'm going to go back to eight years old, we're

Deborah E:

raking leaves, from his viewpoint.

Deborah E:

And regardless of my relationship with my brother, which I think a lot of it went

Deborah E:

awry because of this misunderstanding, and that's probably why I don't have a really

Deborah E:

good relationship with him, and it, it didn't really get rectified by my parents.

Deborah E:

I'm not throwing blame here.

Deborah E:

I'm, you know, throughout My learning, if you will, as far as psychology,

Deborah E:

I'm looking at saying, people didn't understand what was going on and no

Deborah E:

one sat down and really explained it to these two children to say, this

Deborah E:

is where we need to fix this so that it didn't become a bigger issue.

Deborah E:

So now as adults, there's an issue here that that really needs to be

Deborah E:

rectified, but may not ever properly be rectified because when it needed

Deborah E:

to be rectified was decades ago.

Deborah E:

Again, I'm not throwing blame.

Deborah E:

I'm saying there were, there was not the understanding there that needed to

Deborah E:

be there when it needed to be there.

Deborah E:

And that's common because, hey, we're human beings.

Deborah E:

We don't just pop out of the womb knowing everything, do we?

Deborah E:

We kind of learn through life.

Deborah E:

And Oftentimes we have to learn from each other.

Deborah E:

And that's basically why I have the podcast here is to, to kind of share

Deborah E:

what I've learned so that other people can take that and maybe learn things

Deborah E:

earlier in life so that they don't run into the bumps and bruises that I have.

Deborah E:

But anyway, so.

Deborah E:

Again, we'll go back.

Deborah E:

I'm eight years old.

Deborah E:

I'm raking leaves.

Deborah E:

How many times have I said that?

Deborah E:

I'm getting tired of hearing about the leaves.

Deborah E:

My brother, six years older, so he's 14.

Deborah E:

He's looking at it saying, come on, this kid at eight, maybe she can't rake

Deborah E:

as many leaves as I can rake, but she certainly can rake a couple leaves.

Deborah E:

And what does she do?

Deborah E:

She only rakes two leaves, stops, and then goes in the house, and, and

Deborah E:

doesn't rake anymore, and she just wants attention because she doesn't feel well.

Deborah E:

Because she says she's feeling dizzy.

Deborah E:

Or I think I used to say, I think the term was, "Mommy, I feel funny."

Deborah E:

And that was the cue that That was the same as low blood sugar, and that was

Deborah E:

the, okay, you need to go drink juice.

Deborah E:

Um, it was either I feel dizzy or I feel funny.

Deborah E:

One of those two, and that meant, okay, you need to have some juice

Deborah E:

to take care of the low blood sugar.

Deborah E:

Now, my parents were understanding.

Deborah E:

If I was low blood sugar, they wanted me to take care of it before I had a seizure.

Deborah E:

That makes sense.

Deborah E:

Yeah, okay.

Deborah E:

Um, but, Even back then, I'd only had diabetes for a couple years, and I

Deborah E:

was still figuring out the disease.

Deborah E:

My parents were still figuring out the disease.

Deborah E:

The doctors didn't quite have the same understanding of the disease

Deborah E:

as they do, for instance, now.

Deborah E:

It's not like there were insulin pumps back then.

Deborah E:

Oh my goodness, that was unheard of.

Deborah E:

That didn't exist.

Deborah E:

We were still doing the, you know, the pee test back then.

Deborah E:

Disgusting, you know.

Deborah E:

I don't think we had the blood test yet.

Deborah E:

So, we were back in the dark ages as far as diabetes management.

Deborah E:

It was really, really not very far as far as diabetes management.

Deborah E:

And because of that, my diabetes was not under control either.

Deborah E:

I tried, but you don't have a good handle of how your blood sugar is when you're

Deborah E:

not testing blood sugar because you don't have any tools to test blood sugar.

Deborah E:

The only time that blood sugar is being tested is when you're going to see the

Deborah E:

doctor twice a year, and they draw blood.

Deborah E:

And test the blood.

Deborah E:

The rest of the time, you're peeing in a Dixie cup at home,

Deborah E:

and you're testing urine.

Deborah E:

So yeah, you're, you're quote unquote testing blood sugar by way of urine.

Deborah E:

That, that, yeah, that makes a lot of sense, doesn't it?

Deborah E:

So, all I really had was, I don't feel well.

Deborah E:

I feel funny.

Deborah E:

And for those of you who are diabetics, you, you get it that when

Deborah E:

you're high blood sugar, your legs feel heavy, you, you really are in

Deborah E:

a lot of pain for high blood sugar.

Deborah E:

I don't know how to explain the pain, but it's just, it's a lot, a lot of pain.

Deborah E:

And you feel like, like your body weighs like a couple tons.

Deborah E:

And lifting Your legs just, I mean even, even when I got ready to go to

Deborah E:

the hospital, and in fact my mother was saying before that I used to complain

Deborah E:

about going up the stairs, and I wasn't a complaining kid I was actually a pretty

Deborah E:

good kid, even my mother says that.

Deborah E:

I wasn't a complaining kid But she said just to go up the stairs I

Deborah E:

used to cry because I was in so much pain just from the high blood sugar.

Deborah E:

So from My perspective, if I had a low blood sugar, I was starting to shake.

Deborah E:

I was heading towards a seizure from the low blood sugar, and I

Deborah E:

was literally starting to shake, and I mean physically shake.

Deborah E:

From that and plus I'm not thinking straight.

Deborah E:

I'm I'm not clear on what my name is I'm just out of it

Deborah E:

completely and high blood sugar.

Deborah E:

I'm on the edge of throwing up lethargic Not feeling well that dry.

Deborah E:

So either end of it whether I'm high blood sugar or low blood

Deborah E:

sugar I'm not doing well at all.

Deborah E:

And that's how I'm seeing it and the only way I'm really able to communicate

Deborah E:

since we don't have blood tests is I can go pee in a cup and we can see

Deborah E:

that Oh, she has high blood sugar, but we don't know how high because

Deborah E:

there's no metrics to it at all.

Deborah E:

It just shows a dark color on a pea chest.

Deborah E:

Oh, it's it's binary.

Deborah E:

It's Are you within range or out of range?

Deborah E:

Oh, you're out of range.

Deborah E:

How out of range?

Deborah E:

I don't know.

Deborah E:

We've got to wait for the next doctor's appointment so we can find out.

Deborah E:

Now that's not reasonable if you're going to have a doctor's appointment in

Deborah E:

four months to wait until then to find out how you're feeling on a Thursday

Deborah E:

afternoon while you're raking two leaves.

Deborah E:

But that's the life.

Deborah E:

So we figured out about the eight-year-old who's not feeling

Deborah E:

well while she's raking two leaves.

Deborah E:

But from the 14-year-old's perspective.

Deborah E:

It's completely different.

Deborah E:

So put yourself in his shoes.

Deborah E:

He's looking and saying, oh, she's just trying to get out of it.

Deborah E:

She doesn't want to, she doesn't want to do that, so she's just

Deborah E:

complaining that she doesn't feel well.

Deborah E:

Now, yes, it would be easy to say, why doesn't he actually sit down and listen

Deborah E:

to what his little sister is saying?

Deborah E:

But it's not like back then they had empathy classes.

Deborah E:

It's not like they were teaching teenage brothers to understand their sisters.

Deborah E:

That wasn't, that wasn't the thing back then.

Deborah E:

And at, by that point, he had so much animosity as far as Complaints

Deborah E:

and also the other thing too was I realized in hindsight I was being

Deborah E:

treated as the blue child was the term So I was the sickly child and

Deborah E:

I didn't know it at the time either.

Deborah E:

It's funny because After I married my husband, which obviously was was decades

Deborah E:

later it's not like I got married and range married at marriage at eight years

Deborah E:

old, but decades later I got married.

Deborah E:

My husband found out from my aunts and uncles.

Deborah E:

I have a lot of aunts and uncles.

Deborah E:

They told him, you know, shh, shh, shh, shh.

Deborah E:

We found out, you know.

Deborah E:

No, I'm just kidding.

Deborah E:

Um, they told him that they had been told that I would die by the time I was 20.

Deborah E:

And he told me that around the time of our wedding.

Deborah E:

And it was like, Huh?

Deborah E:

Are you serious?

Deborah E:

It's like, honey, that was six years ago.

Deborah E:

I'm still alive.

Deborah E:

Now, obviously, I'm still alive and that's been decades ago.

Deborah E:

I've been, you know, I've been married for almost 30 years.

Deborah E:

Okay, don't calculate my age.

Deborah E:

But yes, it's like I was supposed to die by the time I was 20.

Deborah E:

Oh, that's why they gave me purple carpeting.

Deborah E:

Oh, that's why they built onto my bedroom.

Deborah E:

That's why I had such a fancy bedroom.

Deborah E:

And I had all these gifts and all these things.

Deborah E:

I mean, my parents spoiled me, I'll be honest.

Deborah E:

I had most wonderful flute they bought for me.

Deborah E:

They bought this, they bought that, they bought I mean, they literally spoiled me.

Deborah E:

And I found out it's because they thought that I would die by the time I was 20.

Deborah E:

I didn't know that.

Deborah E:

I didn't know I was supposed to die by the time I was 20.

Deborah E:

I'm just kidding.

Deborah E:

Not, not that I was supposed to.

Deborah E:

But I mean, that was the thought.

Deborah E:

So, I guess, that permeated through the family, that even though I

Deborah E:

hadn't heard it, I guess, the rest of the family, the aunts, the

Deborah E:

uncles, the cousins, and so forth.

Deborah E:

So, if I was the blue child, that's sickly, that's supposed to die before

Deborah E:

she's 20, and that's how my parents are treating me, obviously, My brother caught

Deborah E:

on to that and I do feel bad about that because it's not like I could correct

Deborah E:

that because I didn't even know that I was quote unquote the blue child at the time.

Deborah E:

So he's hearing this and he's thinking away, he's thinking that I'm getting away

Deborah E:

with murder basically because I don't have to work because I'm the little blue child.

Deborah E:

And if you look at it through those eyes.

Deborah E:

Yeah, I actually, I feel sorry for him, because he was, he was dealt a bad hand.

Deborah E:

He was not treated fairly from that perspective.

Deborah E:

But, on the flip side, he, what, he, I feel, with my psychology training,

Deborah E:

I feel, That someone should have sat down with him and explained that first

Deborah E:

of all, she's not going to die at 20 It's not that she's the blue child or

Deborah E:

should be treated any differently as far as love You are loved just as much

Deborah E:

as she is you are both children in the same family you're both human beings

Deborah E:

and deserve just as much love but You need to understand how her body works

Deborah E:

and what happens when there is too much blood sugar and the pain that this causes

Deborah E:

and why she is unable at times to do the same tasks that you do because of this.

Deborah E:

ailment.

Deborah E:

Now, maybe if that had been done, maybe the relationship could have been restored.

Deborah E:

Maybe there'd been a different way to look at it.

Deborah E:

Nowadays, there are so many better options.

Deborah E:

There are so many more options, I should say.

Deborah E:

So many different ways to handle diabetes so that a diabetic can

Deborah E:

live a life that is much closer to what would be considered normal.

Deborah E:

You know, now I can go out there and rake three leaves.

Deborah E:

I'm just kidding, but now I can go out there and, and rake just like

Deborah E:

anyone else, you know, I've got to eat properly and, and all the other

Deborah E:

aspects, but I can check blood sugar.

Deborah E:

I can, you know, I have an insulin pump and so many other things we can

Deborah E:

talk about in other podcast episodes.

Deborah E:

So it's not the same issue.

Deborah E:

But back then, so many decades ago, I mean, that was, that was, yeah.

Deborah E:

Four decades ago, not the same situation.

Deborah E:

So it was definitely a different situation.

Deborah E:

And that set my brother up for really an adverse reaction that was not

Deborah E:

entirely his fault, in my opinion.

Deborah E:

But I can understand his negative opinion and why he would feel that I was getting

Deborah E:

way too much attention and why he would feel like I was being a drama queen and

Deborah E:

trying to seek out that, that attention, even if I didn't want that attention.

Deborah E:

So, all that to say, We've got to look at the big picture and many times situations

Deborah E:

like type 1 diabetes or maybe another chronic illness or a mental illness or

Deborah E:

other situation or someone's particular environment sometimes they come off

Deborah E:

looking like something like a drama queen situation when actually they're not.

Deborah E:

And you've got to step back and actually evaluate the entire situation.

Deborah E:

And you know what really helps in those situations?

Deborah E:

To be able to have open communication and active listening.

Deborah E:

And a lot of empathy really helps to try to understand people.

Deborah E:

Just some food for thought.

Deborah E:

And this is Deborah E signing off on DiabeticReal.

Michael Anderson:

Thank you for listening to this episode of DiabeticReal.

Michael Anderson:

For more information about this podcast, as well as links and fun

Michael Anderson:

stuff related to DiabeticReal, visit us at our website at diabeticreal.

Michael Anderson:

com.

Michael Anderson:

Now we'll listen as Deborah E.

Michael Anderson:

herself sings one of her favorite songs.

Michael Anderson:

The song is called, Perfectly Wonderful World.

Michael Anderson:

Written by Denny Martin and Jaimee Paul.

Michael Anderson:

Engineered by me, of course, your host, Michael, in our Seaside Records

Michael Anderson:

studio here in lovely Los Angeles, California, it was on the number

Michael Anderson:

one Reverbnation charts for over a year and still charts very well.

Michael Anderson:

So have a pleasant moment and listen to Perfectly Wonderful World.

Deborah E:

Yes.

Deborah E:

I'm living inside of this Perfectly Wonderful World..

Deborah E:

One.

Deborah E:

Um, uh,

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