One of the things that doesn't get spoken about often enough is the loneliness that can be felt when downsizing and starting over.

This doesn’t necessarily need to be the kind of loneliness that you’re completely off-grid, or you have no friends, or you’ve left family and all you know behind.

No, it’s more about the loneliness of simple things that you may have taken for granted, or maybe didn’t put as much thinking into before making the move.

In episode two of A Downsized Life, I talk about:

• [01:29] Missing simple social gatherings when downsizing
• [02:12] Missing the convenience of things to do within walking distance of your home
• [04:37] The incredible darkness that northern Ontario offers
• [06:14] Why loneliness can be a good thing

Listen in as Danny shares his thoughts on these challenges, and what comes next in our journey to downsize our lives.

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(upbeat music)

- Welcome to A Downsized Life.

I'm your host, Danny Brown.

And in the winter of 2019, my wife and I moved our family

from a sprawling city in Southern Ontario, Canada

to a small town three hours north.

This podcast is about our journey to downsizing our lives.

Lessons learned, successes earned,

and everything in between.

If you're looking to downsize your life,

then join us and listen for free at downsizepod.com or wherever you relax with podcasts.

This week I want to talk about something I don't think gets spoken about often enough,

and that's the loneliness that can be felt when downsizing and starting over.

Now, this doesn't necessarily mean the kind of loneliness you are completely off grid,

or have no friends or left family and all you know behind, although now that I hear

myself saying that, it doesn't exactly make it sound like we're not experiencing that.

But we're not. It's more about the loneliness of simple things that you may have taken for granted or maybe didn't put as much thinking into before the move.

Now in fairness, neither my wife or I were really the social butterflies that other couples can be prior to our move.

We would look to try and entertain guests where possible at our previous home.

This might be inviting neighbours or friends over for the summer barbeque, or going to visit family for a dinner and catch up.

It might even be something as simple as one of our kids having a playdate, and so we'd meet up with the kids' friends and their parents and socialise that way.

Sometimes it might just even be a work drink with a colleague.

Or taking my son to the occasional Toronto FC soccer game with my good friend Sam.

For my wife, Jaclyn, she might have a Zoom meeting with friends, or perhaps just go for a walk.

Basically, there was a bunch of little things that we could do fairly easily

because they were all reasonably close to where we lived.

Now, not so much.

While our new neighbours have been nothing but friendly since we moved here,

it's not quite at the stage where we're attending social events at each other's homes.

Yes, our kids do have play dates, but the cold means that these are indoor ones.

So the small beach in the village and the park in the village, all that will have to wait until the warmer weather's here.

There's no after work drink with a colleague, as I'm 80% remote, with the office three hours away in downtown Toronto.

And Jaclyn's Zoom classes are no more, unless she was to drive two and a half hours south every week.

Some of this is dictated by the cold weather and the fact that we're moved here in the winter.

And it's always easier to socialise when you're outdoors and where other people are.

And yes, we could probably find replacements for some of the Zoom classes or similar in one of the larger towns that are nearby,

but it's just the convenience of stepping out of the house and having a host of things to do that you could walk to.

Missing that is definitely a change.

Although, one of the biggest reasons we chose to downsize and start over was to get away from the noise of the city.

Traffic, sirens, and the hustle and bustle of people in a rush to be somewhere unimportant.

Now, I'm sure some people did have a life and death meeting to get to,

but otherwise it's just a case of getting sucked into this mindset that everything is super important and we have to be there yesterday.

Additionally, the city we moved to, Burlington, to raise a family was becoming like the city we moved away from, Toronto, because it was too loud.

Lots of condos going up, lots of digital advertising display signs. It just seemed a small Toronto.

So it was definitely the right time to move.

However, one thing I think we weren't expecting was just how quiet it is up here and how dark.

Where our new home is, there's maybe 8 houses on the street, spread out over a good stretch.

There's a sizeable distance between our home and our neighbours.

And not the 5ft space that we've been used to in a city life.

So this, coupled with the fact that there's maybe one street light that lights a whole street, and the nights are really dark.

When we're looking at our backyard, we can maybe see the front half of our deck, then the rest are just pitch black.

That makes it feel as if you're isolated more than you actually are, and increases that feeling of loneliness.

Well, except for the fact that we clearly have a whole herd of animals crossing our yard every night giving the amount of tracks in the snow.

Now I realise that this makes it sound that it is isolated and lonely but nothing could be further from the truth.

Jaclyn's mentioned numerous times that this is something she definitely needed, probably more than she realised

and I can see the changes in her and how this move has benefited her.

Our kids are extremely happy and while they still miss their old life and friends,

they've more than made up for it with new friends here and new playdates.

Ewan has a new soccer team and Salem's got a gymnastics group and she's talking about doing competitive gymnastics

so all of that adds to their existence and happiness.

And for me, while I can't just have a quick pint with one of my friends after work

It does make any trips I take back to the city that little bit more special.

And besides, loneliness can be a state of mind determined by how we view it at the time.

Some of the best moments can come from loneliness.

Seeing a family of deer walk across the road in front of you is just incredible,

just to watch them go about their merry way and not have a care in the world.

Hearing the sounds of blue jays from the trees in the front and back yard,

singing a merry song which is really, really relaxing.

And most of all, looking at what looks like a million stars in the sky,

which is made easier by the blackness of the yard and lack of city lights.

So yes, there might be less of a social aspect of a result of downsizing and starting over,

but it just means there's a new social life waiting to be found.

It might just take until the warm weather arrives, but that's okay.

The extended family time that myself, Jaclyn, Ewan and Salem are enjoying is

something that I will happily take in exchange. Until the next time, live happily.

If you enjoy A Downsized Life be sure to share it with friends and

family and others who might enjoy it too and we'll see you next time.