If you want to grow your self-worth, you’d be wise to understand that it is about calming down the extremes of the fluctuating polarities of self-esteem. Learn what fluctuating emotions have to do with self-esteem and the steps you can take to integrate the two polarities of self-esteem that make your self-worth grow and expand.

This content is for educational and personal development purposes only. It is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any psychological or medical conditions. The information and processes shared are for general educational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for professional mental-health or medical advice. If you are experiencing acute distress or ongoing clinical concerns, please consult a licensed health-care provider.

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A lot of times you're not appreciating yourself because you're comparing

yourself to other people. You're not here to compare yourself to others.

You're here to compare yourself to your own dreams and values.

The topic today is the difference between self-worth and self-esteem.

And many times those words are used interchangeably,

but I'd like to make some distinctions that will be very helpful.

So if you have something to write with and write on, that'd be great.

And some practical things I'd like to give with that.

If you automatically run into to somebody in a mall or at a social

event,

and you admire them and you look up to them,

maybe infatuate with them if they're somebody that might be a potential partner

in your mind,

the moment you look up to them in turn,

you will minimize yourself.

And this minimization of self

will be sort of a humbling mechanism to them and intimidating factor looking up

to them.

We've all had a situation where we've seen ourselves compare ourselves to other

people and thought, wow,

they're more intelligent or they're more business savvy,

or they're more financially well off,

or they may be more stable in their relationship,

or maybe they're more socially connected or physically fit or attractive,

or maybe inspired or spiritually aware. The moment we compare ourselves to them,

we put them above equilibrium, we'll tend to put ourselves below equilibrium.

When we do, we tend to minimize ourselves.

And that is a lowered self-esteem. We'll feel self depreciated.

It's not our authentic self, it's a persona,

mask or facade that we wear when we're comparing ourselves to others and

exaggerating them and minimizing ourselves. So that's a lowered moment,

a moment of lowered self-esteem.

And what's interesting is we can actually walk in the same mall,

and then see somebody that we think that we have more intelligence or we're

more successful than, or we have more wealth than them,

or more social stability or connections or more stable relationship or

more physically fit or more spiritually aware, and we look down on them.

And the moment we look down on them and minimize them to some degree and puff

ourselves up and pride ourselves,

we then to have elevated self-esteem.

And so anytime we judge somebody,

we will end up putting them on a pedestal or pit and in turn,

put ourselves in the pit or pedestal. So anytime we judge,

we polarize and subjectively bias our

interpretation instead of having reflective awareness where the seer,

you, the seeing, the process, and the seen, them, are the same.

If we put them in our hearts and don't put them on pedestals and pits,

we tend to have a authentic state.

Our self-worth is a reflection of that authenticity.

So I want you to maybe draw a diagram in yourself.

And I want you to imagine up in the top, you have elevated self-esteem,

and then kind of draw a line that goes in and then true self-worth,

that's the center.

And then another line that goes down that has lowered self-esteem.

So you got elevated self-esteem,

lowered self-esteem and in the middle of true self-worth.

The true self worth is the authentic you that's not puffed up or deflated.

Over inflated or deflated. When you're inflated with pride,

you have a false facade. When you're deflated with shame,

you have a false facade. Or when you exaggerate or minimize yourself.

And those are the personas,

the momentary elation, depression kind of personas that we put on,

because, that's fickle, it changes,

it can change with the wind the second we compare ourselves to somebody else.

And the moment we do, we lose our authenticity.

Now I'm sure you've had a moment when you've been really, really,

really infatuated with somebody. And you were so infatuated,

you feared their loss. And you tend to,

instead of living by your own highest values,

you sacrifice what was important to you to fit in with what was important to

them, because you didn't want to lose them,

because you're so infatuated you didn't want to lose them.

You feared their loss.

So you ended up sacrificing what was important to you temporarily to be with

them.

And then you ended up beating yourself up because you're kind of minimizing

yourself to them and they don't want somebody minimized. They want a match.

So the moment you do that, you're actually undermining the relationship,

and you're end up going to build up,

you're going to build up resentment that you're having to be somebody you're not

in order to be with them. You want to be loved and appreciated for who you are.

And whenever you put them on a pedestal and minimize yourself,

you're not able to be who you are. You know,

if you want to be loved for who you are,

how are you going to be loved for who you are when you're not even being who you

are?

And many times people are in that situation where they're exaggerating other

people, putting them on pedestals, minimizing themselves,

trying to sacrifice themselves altruistically to fit

for fear of loss of them. And then we ended up minimizing ourselves.

I always say that anytime you put somebody on a pedestal,

you'll tend to inject their values into your life. Try to live by their values,

cloud the clarity of your own highest value,

your own most important thing in your own life,

and then you'll end up devaluing yourself. And that's a lowered self-esteem.

And anytime we compare ourselves to others, we've admired,

we go through and lower our self-esteem. You know in women sometimes will do,

particularly women, but men do it too,

they can go and see a woman that's very beautiful and has certain character

traits that they admire and then compare themselves and then not appreciate

their own beauty. And that's, I've seen it. I've watched it happen.

Somebody's got thicker hair, they've got nicer boobs,

or they've got nicer figure or something. And then they minimize themselves.

And then they feel intimidated and introverted. Instead of coming out,

being who they are around them. Well, this occurs in all areas of life. Again,

intellectually you could meet somebody you think is more intelligent.

You can minimize your intelligence and have low self-esteem in your

intelligence. You could exaggerate business savvy,

minimize your business accomplishments or their wealth.

I've seen people that have come in when somebody has got a billion dollars and

somebody comes in and they got a thousand dollars saved.

And then they just sit there and quiet, introverted,

they don't speak up and they're lowering their self-esteem because they're

comparing themselves to finances.

Or they can same thing in stability in relationships,

any of those areas or social influence.

There's a body dysmorphia when you do it with a physical body,

but in any area of your life, you have this dysmorphia kind of response.

And a lot of times you're not appreciating yourself because you comparing

yourself to other people. You're not here to compare yourself to others.

You're here to compare yourself to your own dreams and values.

Compare your actions to your own values. Not somebody else's.

Anytime we put people on pedestals or pits,

we don't put them in our heart and we don't live in our heart and we are not

authentic. And our self-esteem is fluctuating because of that.

Instead of our self worth.

Our true self worth is a summation of all our self-esteems.

What's interesting in the program I do the Breakthrough Experience,

which is my signature program, which I've done 1,134 times,

where Introduce people to the Demartini Method,

which is a profound method on transforming these vacillating

emotional personas that we wear and facades,

these vacillating self-esteems, and turning it back into true self worth,

where you're centered, you're authentic, you're present.

That's why I want people to come and experience that because they,

because when you're wobbling around who you are, and you're not who you are,

you're not certain in life. You're not present in life.

You're not grateful for life.

You're not enthused and inspired and loving your life when you're not

centered like that.

So as long as you have sitting there and judging other people,

you're not going to have the real true self-worth. And it's your true self,

every time you get actually bring those into balance and don't put people on

pedestals or pits, which is what the Demartini Method does,

and if let's say you're a coach or whatever,

and you've got clients that are involved in that kind of fluctuating

perceptions, it's a tool on how to transform that and dissolve that

so people can go and do something amazing with their life and have true

self-worth. But the moment you put people on pedestals or pits,

you lose yourself. And when you do, you create these polarities,

these personas.

And what's interesting is the moment you exaggerate yourself and look down on

somebody, you also minimize yourself to their opposite.

So anytime you infatuate with a trait, the opposite you resent.

So you're basically creating a bipolar state in your life and

de-stabilizing yourself with emotional volatility, every time you judge.

And we've all heard about, you know, we won't be able to love,

judgements leaves yourself empty.

Because whenever you put somebody on a pedestal,

and you're too humble to admit what you see in them is inside you,

you have a disowned part,

it's a void and it's an emptiness and it's a disempowerment.

And every time you put somebody down in a pit and exaggerate yourself with that

persona, that highered so-called self image and state, esteem,

then what happens is you now,

you're too proud to admit what you see in them is inside you,

and you have another disowned part. And as long as you're disowning parts.

You're creating emptiness inside.

That's why judgment feels empty and love is fulfilling.

But every time you actually equilibrate that and see that whatever you see in

them, you see in you, level the playing field, you have appreciation and love,

which is what true self-worth is about.

That's why I want people to come to the Breakthrough Experience,

come and learn the Demartini Method,

to know the science of how to take those self-esteem

volatilities and personas and how to integrate them,

empower themselves and own the traits,

and see that nothing's missing in their life. In the process of doing that,

you'll liberate yourself from the baggage of the

self-esteem game. You know, when I studied self-esteem many years ago,

I saw that it was fickle and it changes, you know,

the wind can blow and you mess up your hair and it could throw you off like that

cause now you're comparing yourself, 'oh my God,

I don't look good in front of that person', it's fickle.

And I'm a firm believer that you want to basically be able to be stabilized.

See, it's not what happens on the outside.

It's what you decide to do with what's out there.

And if you know the questions to be able to take whatever you're perceiving on

the outside that you think is above or below,

and bring them into equilibrium and liberate yourself

yourself back into true self-worth you empower yourself,

nothing's missing in you, you feel fulfilled,

and now you're on track and being empowered in your life again.

The Demartini Method is asking questions to make you aware of the unconscious

information that you're not seeing. For instance,

if you're seeing somebody you admire,

the only reason you admire somebody and put them on a pedestal and minimize

yourself,

is because you're too humble to admit what you see in them is inside you.

But in fact,

you can't even see that in them if you don't have it inside you.

And it's because you're too humble to admit that you have it,

that's stopping you from honoring it and therefore you got them on a pedestal.

Once you realize it, by asking the questions in the Demartini Method,

where do you have it and when do you have it and who you demonstrating it to and

make yourself aware of it? You no longer put them on a pedestal.

You no longer minimize yourself. You level the playing field.

You get to love them for revealing to you the magnificence of who you are,

which is where your true self worth shines. And the same thing on resentment.

If you see something you resent in somebody and you exaggerate yourself,

and you're too proud to admit it. It's not that you don't have that behavior.

The only reason you're upset with them is because they remind you of a behavior

you feel ashamed of, but you're covering it up with pride.

And you're too proud to admit you got it, but they're bringing it out of you.

That's why you're reacting to them.

When you actually do the Demartini Method and actually go in and ask,

where do you do it? When you do it? Who do you do it to and where it is?

And you become aware of it.

You realize that the person that you're resenting is actually your teacher

waking you up to something you've got in your subconscious mind stored there

that's not loved. And it gives you the chance to love that, liberate that,

so you can be yourself. We all want to be loved and appreciated for who we are,

but we're not going to be who we are as long as we're too proud or too humble to

admit what we see in other people inside us.

That's why judgment is letting you know what you haven't loved in yourself.

The things you're judging in other people.

Life's a reflection and pure reflective awareness,

where things are in equilibrium,

is the one that allows you to reflect in a sense and realize that, you know,

nothing's missing in you.

I was in Nepal and I was chatting with the Bonpo Lama there in Nepal at his

temple there, and we had a conversation about that very thing.

He says 'Nothing missing,

all present.' Mindfulness is a realization that whatever

you see in the world around you is a reflection of what you're, inside you,

reflection of what you're projecting. And so that's why self-esteem is fickle,

but self-worth is something stable. And by the way,

you cannot exaggerate yourself without minimizing.

I have people come up to me and say, 'Well, I keep

'Okay, where are you building yourself up?'

As long as you keep being addicted to building yourself up with pride,

you have to compensate to do the opposite.

Your brain automatically is a homeostat, trying to get you into authenticity.

Your brain, if you go in and build up yourself with pride,

because you're looking down on somebody and you get enamored with that and

addicted to that,

then your brain has to in order to bring you back into authenticity,

has to come in and show you the things that you're not,

it's called the licensing effect.

The license effect is also shown in your physiology with health.

If you go and do something that is really healthy,

like you go out and work out or something,

and then you're given your brain and you go, 'Well,

now I could go out and eat more chocolate,

or now I can go and over eat.' And so what happens is anything you get proud of

and you get a facade of that and you elevate your

of everything,

then automatically you've given yourself permission to do the opposite,

to bring yourself back into true self worth. We're not here for pride.

We're not here for shame. We're here for authenticity.

And the magnificence of who you are as an authentic individual is far greater

than any of those facades that you wear.

So if you're tired of putting yourself down or exaggerating yourself,

being addicted to that, then come to the Breakthrough Experience.

Let me teach you the Demartini Method.

And if you have clients that are like that, come and do that also.

So you can learn how to do that for your clients. Because there's,

I guarantee you,

people are sitting there wandering around and waffling around in their life

instead of being centered and present and empowered in their life and stable.

A stable mind is where self-worth lives, a stable mind.

And the summation of all those personas,

if you take all those judgments you have,

and you've got lots of them probably in your life,

all those judgements are waffling you around with all these instabilities in

these personas in your life, these self-esteem fluctuations,

and if you take them one by one methodically,

which I show you in the Breakthrough Experience methodically on how to do it,

you can stabilize each one of them to be poised, present, powerful, prioritized,

productive, and purposeful individual.

Because the true you has amazing self-worth.

The true you is empowered and inspired.

In almost every seminar I do, I also talk about values.

When you're living by your highest value,

and you're filling your day with a very highest priority,

you tend to be have the most objectivity,

the most balanced mind and most neutral awareness and the least amount of

judgment. We've all been doing something at work or doing something that's very

meaningful, very inspiring, it's highest in priority,

and we're really getting something done and feeling productive.

And then we can handle almost anything when we get home that day.

But if we're doing and putting out fires and doing lower priority things and

really feeling like, woah,

the world was on top of me instead of me on top of the world,

then we're a bear and we're more volatile and our emotions are going all over

the place and self-esteem fluctuating.

So if you fill your day with high priority actions that inspire you and become

really objective and neutral and follow things that are really meaningful to

you, the mean is the pair of opposites.

It was Aristotle in his golden mean principles of the virtues,

he said the virtue was between the two vices and the vices where the

extremes, same thing, I'm teaching the same thing.

What he called the golden mean of virtue is the true self-worth.

And when he's talking about the vices and what I'm talking about the lowered

self-esteem and elevated self-esteem,

the exaggerated and minimized you as he called it.

That was knowledgeable then. It's still knowledgeable now.

The words may be changed, but the same principles are there.

We're not here to put people on pedestals or pits.

We're here to put them in our heart. And whatever we see in others,

we have inside ourselves.

And when we're masters of our life and learn how to ask the question,

which the Demartini Method does, it teaches you the

to liberate yourself from the baggage of all those volatilities and stabilizes

you and give yourself permission to be authentic.

That's why I want people to come to the Breakthrough Experience,

so they can experience it so they can do it right there on the spot,

feel the difference,

watch the experience and notice how to love themselves and love other people.

If you want to be loved for who you are,

you're not going to do it by fluctuating self-esteem issues.

You're going to do it by being true in your self worth.

And every time you live by your highest values, your self worth goes up.

Every time you're living by lower values, your self-worth goes into volatility.

That's why it's so important to live with foresight and planning and master plan

your life and live by priority in life and start to love people and be grateful

for people, than it is the other way around. As Empedocles said many,

2000 something 500 years ago, he said, there's love and strife,

the two levels of consciousness.

If you're doing something you love and you're loving the people around you,

and you're loving yourself, you're mastering your life. If not,

you're living in strife. And the strife is between the parts of you,

the parts of others, you have no equanimity within you,

no equity between you and others and you have living with inequity.

And inequity is the volatilities of the self-esteem instead of the stability at

the true self-worth.

So I just want to share with you a few tidbits today on the importance

of self-esteem, self-worth over self-esteem,

and how to know what they are and how they're generated.

Please consider coming to the Breakthrough Experience so I can teach you the

Demartini Method. It's a tool that can help you integrate that,

so you're stable, so you know yourself and be yourself and love yourself.

Just as the Delphic Oracle said. There's no reason why you can't do that.

I've developed a science, I've worked on it for 49 years to help people do that.

I've seen thousands of people doing it,

and I want you to be able to do that for your own life. In addition to that,

I want to give you a message about a free master class called Increasing Your

Deserve Level And Finally Get What You Want in life. And this will help you,

this process will help you in the self-worth arena

and allow you to integrate the pairs of opposites that you have inside yourself.

You're not your most magnificent self if you're vacillating all over the place,

I want you to be stable. I want you to be inspired. I want you to be grateful.

I want you to love your life.

I want you to be enthused about what your mission is in life,

focus on what's really in high priority, be more certain,

more present and not get distracted by the illusions of other

people and putting people on pedestals or pits, put them in your heart.

That's where you want to be. That's where they want to be.

I just wanted to share that for this morning to well, it's my morning,

but whatever time it is where you are.

And I look forward to seeing you next week. Please sign up for the masterclass,

take advantage of the Breakthrough Experience and learn the Demartini Method.

It's a tool that will have a thousand applications in your life to help you

master your life.

You're here to deserve to do something extraordinary with your life.