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Episode #152 - Discovering Your "True Man" Purpose: An Interview With Mike Van Pelt
Episode 15719th September 2024 • Speaking From The Heart • Joshua D. Smith
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We belong in community! Period. Figuring out what those identities that we align with when finding a community will look different for us, and finding that acceptance will help us to be vulnerable, unleash our true potential, and find ways to navigate obstacles that come through life. Regardless of what that may look like through religion, small groups, book clubs, civic organizations, non-profit volunteering, we all have different languages that align us in being able to find our true purpose. In this vulnerable, raw conversation, True Man Life Coaching Founder/Owner Mike Van Pelt shares his story of finding his religion, but how he specifically aligns with helping men that need help the most in becoming open to change on their own terms. Through his own story of self discovery, you can align with our guest's story today and create your own version of becoming connected with your passion & purpose of doing what you were always meant to become.

Guest Bio

Mike Van Pelt is an entrepreneur, author, speaker, and men’s life coach leader. He is the founder of True Man Life Coaching and host of the popular men’s podcast, True Man Podcast. Mike’s experience and passion for coaching, guiding, and mentoring men has come from his involvement in leading Christian men’s groups along with his own journey to take his life back and achieve success. In addition, Mike has served in leadership roles for most of his career, bringing over two decades of engagement and expertise in account management, consulting, and leadership development. Mike has authored numerous articles and is a three-time International Best Selling Author. In addition, Mike is completing his first book entitled, True Man True Ways, A Roadmap of Discovery to the Masculine Heart.

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/CoachMikeVanPelt/

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@truemancoaching on Twitter

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@truemanpodcast

Website: https://truemanlifecoaching.com/

Visit Our Website: https://speaking-from-the-heart.captivate.fm/

Visit Our Business Website: https://www.yourspeakingvoice.biz

Support The Mission Of The Business! Donate Here: https://speaking-from-the-heart.captivate.fm/support

Intro/Outro By: Michael Dugan, Podcast Host: Voice4Chefs

Transcripts

Intro:

Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and

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determination all converge into

an amazing, heartfelt experience.

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This is Speaking From The Heart.

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Joshua: Welcome back to episode

number 152 of Speaking from the Heart.

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Today's guest is Mike Van Pelt, and

Mike is an entrepreneur, author,

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speaker, and men's life coach leader.

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He is the founder of the True Man

Life Coaching, and host of the popular

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men's podcast, True Man Podcast.

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Mike's experience and passion for

coaching, guiding, and mentoring

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men has come from his involvement

in leading Christian men's groups,

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along with his own journey to take

his life back and achieve success.

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In addition, Mike has served in

leadership roles for most of his career,

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bringing over two decades of engagement

and expertise in account management,

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consulting, and leadership development.

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Mike has authored numerous

articles and is a three time

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international best selling author.

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In addition, Mike is completing his

first book entitled, True Man, True

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Ways: A Roadmap of Discovery to the

Masculine Heart, and boy, did he get to

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my masculine heart today as we had this

conversation about his journey, what led

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him into this field of wanting to help

other men, and why it's so important,

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especially with the 60,000 miles of blood

vessels that we have inside our body to

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transverse this huge road of success that

we have to achieve, especially as a male.

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Now, I got to say, Mike and I dive into

some very strong conversation about a

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variety of different topics that, to

me, we have been avoiding for so long,

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and have been not even addressing,

especially when it comes to males.

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I love the fact that we challenge

it because especially with what are

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support groups for women, women have

a lot of resources, unlike men, to

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be able to do this, and that's not to

criticize that women also need that

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extra level of support too, but what I

think you're going to find about Mike's

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story is that coaching was ultimately

the reason why he became one himself.

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How he was able to become a true

man, in terms of what was really

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needed in his life, what he was

really curious about, and what was

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really what we needed to do in life

ultimately, which is to get through

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it, no matter how hard it might be.

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I think you're going to find a lot of

inspiration, but for me, this conversation

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was really heartfelt and why we need

to change the dialogue, especially

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in the world that we live in today.

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But with that, let's go to the episode.

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All right, we're here with Mike Van Pelt.

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Mike, thanks for sharing

your heart with us today.

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Mike: I'll tell you what.

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I love sharing my heart, and this has

been a work in progress and, what I

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commonly tell people when they ask me

what I do, I always say, "I help guys

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get out of their head and into their

heart.", which is something that is

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really missing in the men's community.

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Can I share something with you?

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Joshua: Yeah, absolutely.

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Mike: Did you know that the body

carries 60,000 miles of blood vessels,

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and to put that into context, that's

approximately 3,000 miles across the

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United States from the West Coast to

the East Coast, which means you could

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drive your car back and forth 10 times,

and the whole point of all those blood

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vessels is they connect to your heart.

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Our body is an incredible, powerful

miracle, and it's just so important for us

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to be in touch with our heart, and I spent

so many years not knowing that, so thank

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you for the introduction.

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Joshua: Yeah, absolutely.

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I can't tell you enough though of

how many times that I wish I had that

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information at hand, because I think

how many connections I've made already,

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Mike, and you being one of my several

guests that I've had on the show.

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I have to be close to 100 at this point.

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I have never actually heard of that

fact before, so now, I know what I

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need to take with me going forward.

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Mike: Good!

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Good, so when it's in my upcoming

book, it'll be really original.

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I like that.

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Joshua: Well, thanks for sharing that

tidbit, and that heartfelt fact to kick

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us off, because Mike, I've already let

the audience know quite a lot about

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your background and who you are, what

you've already accomplished, but here's

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the thing that really stuck out to

me, and I just want to jump into it.

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Mike: Sure.

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Joshua: You work with men.

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Period.

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Now, I say that because I've had a lot of

women on the show that work with women.

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Mike: Yeah.

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Joshua: I had a lot of women on the

show that work with women and men,

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but I don't have very often men that

work with men, so I'm kind of curious.

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What got you started into that passion

and that commitment to help other men?

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Mike: Yeah.

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Well, people don't like to work

with men because we're the craziest

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animals on the face of the earth.

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Joshua: True statement.

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Mike: You know, it really

stems from my story.

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I was really at a loss in my life for what

I wanted to do throughout my adult career.

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I had been involved in sports for most

of my life growing up, and that just

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brought me such joy, such passion.

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It was a team environment,

and I love that.

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I love being in the locker room and

strategizing and being around the guys.

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That was my everything, and when all of

that came to an end, there was really

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nothing that ever replaced it, and when

I got into business, and started really,

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for the most part in the sales world,

nothing ever made my heart come alive.

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Just nothing, and our

kids were really young.

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My wife and I, after we got married,

lived in Texas for nine years, and then we

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moved to South Carolina, and our kids were

really young, and I was in the insurance

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and financial business, and when you're

in the insurance and financial arena,

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you build a clientele, so to pick up a

move across the country is a big deal,

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and I was really hoping I would find a

sage old guy at an insurance agency that

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wanted to teach a young guy, and I wasn't

finding that, and what happened was,

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rather than building a niche, I went big.

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I went big, and I got lost and I

really hated what I was doing, and

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I remember sitting with my wife

one night, and she said, "Mike.

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Our kids are young.

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Stay at home with them.

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We're good."

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My wife is a senior executive.

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She's like, "We're good.

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Stay at home and figure out what you

want to do with your life.", and I

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remember having these conversations with

our kids, even though they were young.

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We didn't use daycare.

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We always talked about going

to school, and how important it

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was, and the importance of being

educated, and getting an education.

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I looked at that and I went, "Well,

there's something missing, Mike.

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You didn't complete your college

education.", and so I worked with a career

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counselor, and what we decided was I'm

going to go back to school and I'm going

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to complete my undergraduate degree, and

I did that, and during that timeframe,

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I started to get heavily involved with

a lot of nonprofits and my church, and

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I was doing that work, and my heart

was really coming alive as a result,

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and I realized, "You love nonprofits.

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Maybe that's the direction you want to go,

but what are those nonprofit executives

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have that you're missing?", and some of

the ones that were really good had an

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advanced degree, so I decided, because

I guess I'm a glutton for punishment,

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"I'm going to get my master's degree

as well.", and I went back and got my

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master's degree, and what's interesting

is I tried to go back out in the

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workforce, and I was met with crickets.

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Absolutely nothing.

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People had no idea what to do with Mike.

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Now he's educated, but he's

been a stay at home dad.

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We have no idea what to do with this guy.

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I was getting a lot of "no's" that I began

to internalize it ,and it was crippling.

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It was crippling me, because, as a man,

what happens is you go out, you introduce

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yourself, people want to know your name,

and then they want to know what you do,

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and when they ask what you do, then, human

nature, we start to judge people, right?

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"Oh, this guy's an attorney.

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He must have a big house and a big car.

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Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah."

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I couldn't even get it out of my mouth.

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In fact, there was one party we were at,

and my wife had to answer for me, because

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I was just curl up in the fetal position

when somebody asked me what I did.

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What I decided to do about it was I knew

that I had the knowledge, skills and

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abilities and professionalism to go out

and do anything, and I decided, "Well,

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I'm going to try my hand at business

consulting.", because I had some friends

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that had an opportunity, and so I

decided to go down that road, and I was

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out networking and I was at a business

networking event, met a guy by the name

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of Paul Bailey, and Paul and I hit it

off, but we discovered that we didn't like

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that networking group, that there were

more takers than givers in that group,

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and so we thought, "Well, let's start our

own networking group.", and what happened

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was we never got it off the ground.

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Utter failure.

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Turned into a men's small group almost

immediately because we have that in

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common, and what happened in that group

was I've been a Christian all my life,

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but I had no intimacy with Christ.

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None.

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It just didn't exist.

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I didn't know it was available, and so

we started doing the men's small group

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and I went to a men's retreat and it was

on that weekend at the men's retreat on

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a Saturday morning, and the executive

director said, "We're going to play three

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songs this morning, and I want you to

think of these songs as Christ singing

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them to you.", and they played a song

by Josh Groban called You Are Loved, and

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I literally almost fell to the floor.

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It was in that moment that I heard

God say to me, "I want an intimate

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relationship with you, and you are my

beloved Son.", and my life changed.

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I immediately started looking around, and

I'm like, "There's 300 guys in this room."

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I know what we're doing

in our men's small group.

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I've been to other small groups.

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There's a need for another man to

walk alongside another man, and I

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had never been to a retreat before.

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There was a lot that I had to

unpack, but that was in the

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spring of 2019, by the way.

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By the end of 2019, I'm

now thinking, "Okay.

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This is a direction I want to go.", and

lo and behold, in February of:

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had this small little problem called COVID

pop up, and that just changed everything,

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and then June 15th of 2020, my wife had

been with a company for 14 years, and

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out of the blue, companies are trying

to figure out, "How can I take it?"

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She was in the hospitality business

after 14 years, and completely out

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of the blue, they pulled her in, and

said, "Thanks for being here, but

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you're no longer needed.", and so our

world just got flipped on its head.

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Oh, and by the way, that's

in the middle of the summer.

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Our son's getting ready to be a senior

in high school, and our daughter's

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a sophomore, so now, we know we're

probably going to have to relocate

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at some point, but we really don't

want to do that, because it's going

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to be disruptive for the kids.

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We immediately started looking around.

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"What can we do?

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What can we do together?

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Is there something we can do?

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Is there a business we can buy?",

and I came across this coaching

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platform, and the guy had a thing

about dads, and I'm like, "Oh boy!

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That gets me every time.", right?

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This guy's talking about men, and I called

him, and the rest, they say is history,

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so we started down this road together,

and I was using him, and that's really

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where the coaching thing took off, and

the podcast thing took off, because it

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was a joke in our men's small group.

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" It would be really cool

if we recorded this."

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I didn't even know a lot about

podcasting, and so we began the podcast,

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and that is how my coaching journey

with men started, because men walked

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alongside me in a moment where I

needed to win my heart back, and they

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helped me do that when nobody else

gave a wing ding about Mike van Pelt.

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Those men in that group cared enough

to listen to what I was going through

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and help me rebuild, and what I

offer men, basically, is a shortcut.

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You don't have to go through

what I've gone through.

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Now, unfortunately, you guys are rascals.

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You wait until you're bleeding out your

eyeballs before you come ask for help.

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Don't do that.

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That's a bad thing, by the way, and

so, everything that I do is to help

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be there for guys, and walk alongside

them, to help them find their vision

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and their purpose in life, and I

asked those deep questions that they

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don't know how to ask in that moment,

because they're in the weeds, right?

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We've all been there, and so that's how

this whole thing got started, and that's

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why I work with men, very specifically.

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Joshua: That's an incredible

tale of how you got to here.

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First off, I got to tell you,

you're a fellow brother in arms.

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I also have my master's in

public administration, which I

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noticed that's what you obtained.

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Mike: Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Never use it, but-

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Joshua: I never used it.

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I had to use mine for government,

and my full time job that I have

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with the state of Pennsylvania,

so I have definitely utilized it.

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I actually have been fortunate enough

to get two, because I had one before

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that; a business administration masters,

which I didn't use until I started the

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business, so that in itself, I think

that whole conversation of you working

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with a career advisor, and going in that

direction of getting your bachelor's and

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seeing that I can relate to, and what I

also related to is the fact that you have

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gone through these cycles of, "Oh yeah!

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Everything's really great."

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"Oh!

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Everything's not so great."

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"Everything's really great.", and

I say that because I shared with

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this even to you previously, COVID

seems to have changed everything.

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It was a game changer for many people,

and for you to be able to say, "This is

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what I can find as a niche by working

with other people.", that, in itself,

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means so much, and one last thing I have

to say with what you shared is that you

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had the podcast, before the coaching?

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Is that correct?

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Mike: They kind of happened

simultaneously, so the rest of the

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story is, is that when we were going

through what we were going through

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as a family, when my wife lost her

job, we were in a smaller area.

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My wife had always been in corporate

America, and so there was really a limited

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amount of opportunity there, and what

we realized was that if she was going to

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take another position, it was ultimately

going to cause us to relocate, and so,

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I went through some training and got

certified from a coaching standpoint

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prior to us moving and relocating now

outside the Atlanta area, and that was

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a deal that I struck with the guy that

I originally did my coaching services

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through, because I told him, I'm like,

"We don't know where we're going to end

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up, and the last thing I want to do is

be trying to figure out how to run a

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business and be moving at the same time.",

because what ultimately was going to

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happen was that I knew I was going to

have to take a lot more on when we move,

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because my wife was going to be working,

and somebody had to pick up the slack.

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Somebody had to be there for

the cable guy, the gas guy, the

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contractor, whatever the case may be.

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I had no problem doing that, but

I knew that we couldn't run all

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simultaneously, and what's interesting

is the podcast, as I mentioned, was a

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joke in our men's small group, but the

guy that I went into coaching with,

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he jokingly said to me one day, "Mike!

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You've ever thought

about doing a podcast?"

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after I sent him a couple

of blogs, and I said, "Nah!

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Yeah, we talk about it all the time,

but I don't know if I could do it.",

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and as I mentioned to you, I researched

it and I decided, "You know what?

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This could be interesting, but I still

don't know if I'll do it.", and I

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ordered the equipment, had it shipped

to my house, and when it showed up my

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front door, I knew I had no choice.

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I had to figure it out, and that's exactly

what we did, so to some degree, the

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podcast really did start before I jumped

into the coaching, but not formally.

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Joshua: Yeah.

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Yeah.

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It was more informally.

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Either way, I'm going to cut it off by

saying you had the podcast before the

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coaching, and that's funny, because

I had the coaching before the podcast

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for myself, so I just found that we all

take different paths to get to where

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we are, and that's just a unique path.

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I never really heard of that

sort of unique take before.

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I got to ask this, and this is probably

more of a deep question, and it's

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something that you said about your faith

journey and finding Jesus Christ, and I've

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always said to people on this show, Mike,

and I said this to you even before we

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started, and my listeners know this too.

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I think that we all come from

different paths in terms of how

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we got to where we are, and that's

what I really care more about.

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It's not about judging people,

or antagonizing, condemning them.

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I don't believe in that in my show,

and doing this, because I've had

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clients that come from all walks

of life too, and I want to help

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them get to where they need to be.

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That moment where those universal items,

I would say, aligned for you, where a

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lot of things were going down, but yeah,

a lot of things were, you're finding it.

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Was there a sense of peace with you

finding Jesus, or maybe to put it

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in another way, was it comforting

to know that there was a path now

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to move forward to figuring out

what your calling was in life?

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Mike: You know, it's so

interesting, because growing

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up, church wasn't an option.

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Joshua: Yeah.

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Mike: Church was something

we were going to do.

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We were doing it every Sunday.

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I grew up in a Lutheran

church in the Midwest.

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We were going to midweek class

in the middle of the week, and it

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was just something that we did.

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My relationship, I think, with

Christ was very hierarchical.

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In other words, if you go to your

typical church, the minister stands

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in the pulpit, so he stands above you.

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You're in the pews, and so

there was kind of like, "Okay.

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God's up here.

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I'm down here.

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According to what I've read and

heard, all I need to do is just

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pray for forgiveness and I'm good.

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We're good?"

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"Yeah, we're good."

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"Okay.", and I didn't view it as,

you know, God really wants to be

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a part of my life, you know, and

what happened in that moment was

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my heart was broken in that moment.

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I was feeling the pain of not feeling

like the man I wanted to be, and not

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really knowing how I could get there.

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I was trying all kinds of things.

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I'm an eighties kid, right?

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I grew up in the eighties, and back in

the eighties, they told you if you go

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to college, and get your college degree,

you get the house with the white picket

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fence, and the dog, and two kids and a

wife, and everything's hunky dory, right?

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Not so much, and so I was not prepared

to go to school when I went to school,

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and I really could have cared less

about school to be perfectly honest.

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I was more concerned about what was

going on in the football field or

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the basketball, and the bottom of

the beer can for quite a while, so

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school was not a priority to me,

but when you have something happen,

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and it's unmistakable that Jesus

is basically saying to you, "Son!

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Just love me like I love you.", and he's

talking to you and you hear that voice.

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It's really one of the more

transformational things that has

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ever happened to me, so TrueMan,

that was our men's small group

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that was taken out of scripture.

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Jesus Christ walk on earth as a true man.

327

:

That's what we pulled it from, and

so, in our minds, the best role

328

:

model that had ever walked the

face of the earth was Jesus Christ.

329

:

Now we're never going

to get to Jesus's level.

330

:

That's not the point.

331

:

The point is He gave us

the playbook: the Bible.

332

:

It's all in the Bible.

333

:

He gave us the playbook.

334

:

Joshua: Yes.

335

:

Mike: You know, and said, "Here you go.

336

:

Here's how you do this.", and so in

our minds, that was how to get it

337

:

done, and I set out, every day, to be

the best true man that I can be now.

338

:

I have a lot of people, maybe this

is going through your mind right now.

339

:

A lot of people ask me, they're like,

"Well, Mike, how do you define true man?"

340

:

Joshua: Actually, I was going

to ask that as it relates to

341

:

your clients, but go for it.

342

:

Mike: Yeah.

343

:

What is a true man, and here's what

I've learned about that, and I had

344

:

to evolve from this, and this is

the beauty of what God's given me.

345

:

God has entrusted me

with the TrueMan brand.

346

:

It's not mine.

347

:

He's trusted me.

348

:

Now, I have a business coach.

349

:

I believe every coach should

surround themselves with

350

:

coaches, and everything they do.

351

:

I have a business coach.

352

:

I had a podcast coach.

353

:

I've had a golf coach in my life.

354

:

I have faith coach.

355

:

Why do I do that?

356

:

I do that, because I want to be the best

person I can be, and I can't get there

357

:

on my own, so I thought about, "Well.

358

:

Okay.

359

:

God's entrusted you

with this TrueMan brand.

360

:

What does that mean, exactly?", and

what I realized was, and I was going

361

:

back and I was looking at some stuff

from the television show, The Chosen,

362

:

and if you haven't watched The Chosen,

by all means, what are you waiting for?

363

:

Joshua: Yeah, it's a really good show.

364

:

I've watched a few.

365

:

I didn't watch all of it.

366

:

Mike: So the guy that plays Jesus

on there is absolutely incredible.

367

:

I mean, that's my Jesus right there.

368

:

That is my vision of the Jesus, but

there's a scene in there where Simon,

369

:

Peter, and everybody's heard this

story about fishing and, you know,

370

:

cast your nets out on the right side

of the boat, and so I'm watching the

371

:

scene, and there's something about,

that's almost unexplainable to me,

372

:

when Jesus says to Simon, Peter.

373

:

"Follow me.", and I just kept playing it

back, and back, and back, and back, and

374

:

back, and I'm like, "What is a true man?"

375

:

I'm like, "Really?

376

:

It's two words."

377

:

"Follow me.", and guess what?

378

:

I don't get to define what a true man is.

379

:

You do.

380

:

Your definition of a true man is what a

true man is, and I tell everybody that,

381

:

and really, what that comes from is it's

a byproduct of the coaching model that I

382

:

have, which is, basically I can't fix you.

383

:

I don't want to fix you.

384

:

I don't even understand

what the word fix is.

385

:

I will guide you, because

I believe, just like I did.

386

:

You have the answers inside of you.

387

:

I'm just going to ask very powerful

questions, and be the guide that

388

:

helps you get them out, and if we

help you get that out, you will be

389

:

able to define what a true man is for

you, and so that's how I define true

390

:

man, if that is even a definition.

391

:

Joshua: I've explored that subject a

few times with some of my other guests

392

:

too, and every time that I feel like

I have an answer for it from what

393

:

another guest says, another guest

comes along, like you and says, "Well.

394

:

Wait.

395

:

Wait.

396

:

Wait.

397

:

Wait.

398

:

Let's see a little bit about what's

behind the curtain, and get beyond what

399

:

you might see on the surface.", and

it's so true, and I can say this with

400

:

some credence because of being a man

myself, but I feel that I have hidden

401

:

behind the veil, Mike, for so many

years, and I'm younger, obviously, you

402

:

can tell my beard hasn't grayed out yet

myself, but, one of the things that.

403

:

Yeah, I looked at you.

404

:

Mike: Gray beard?

405

:

Okay.

406

:

All right.

407

:

Joshua: Yeah.

408

:

I had to call it out.

409

:

I'm sorry, but you have a

nice photo that isn't showing

410

:

any of that, so you got that.

411

:

Mike: This is relatively new.

412

:

I haven't, you know, we're just-

413

:

Joshua: This is relatively new as in

the last four years, it decided to

414

:

do like my dad did, which is grow out

the beard too, so I completely can

415

:

understand that, but anyways, getting

back to the subject, I find that when

416

:

we, as males, are trying to figure out

how we best communicate that, we don't

417

:

also want to show that sign of weakness.

418

:

I lived in that weakness for so long, and

I almost felt like, earlier, when you're

419

:

telling your story, you're talking about

your weakness, but you were proud of your

420

:

weakness, which is something a little bit

strange to me, because people aren't proud

421

:

of that stuff, but you're like, "Yeah.

422

:

I walked through that, and here I am."

423

:

I don't know.

424

:

I mean, I could be wrong.

425

:

Mike: At the time, I didn't embrace it,

so what I've learned to be is curious.

426

:

Curious about the world.

427

:

Curious about the word of God.

428

:

Curious about myself.

429

:

Just curious.

430

:

When you're in a state of curiosity,

you're in a powerful state.

431

:

You're in a powerful state, and I wasn't

curious when I was going through some

432

:

of the things that I was going through.

433

:

Not to the extent that I am now.

434

:

I mean, I was curious, but just not

curious, curious, if that makes any sense.

435

:

I was hurt.

436

:

There's a number of different words we

could probably throw at it: wounded,

437

:

traumatized, you're in pain, and it

doesn't necessarily matter what it is.

438

:

We could sit here and go, "Well,

on a spectrum of things, this is

439

:

really bad, and this is not so bad."

440

:

It doesn't matter!

441

:

If you're hurt, you're hurt.

442

:

That's all there is to it, and so

I was hurting, and I didn't want

443

:

anybody to know that I was hurting.

444

:

On the outside, I look like

I had everything together.

445

:

On the inside, man, I was reeling, and

part of that is in the men's community;

446

:

again, I grew up in, in the eighties.

447

:

I think that this is a little less now.

448

:

I feel like people, the younger

generation, is much more in touch

449

:

with this emotional side of things.

450

:

I didn't grow up like that.

451

:

I had a very loving dad.

452

:

I had a very supporting dad.

453

:

I didn't have a touchy, feely, huggy, dad.

454

:

No, I mean, my dad was in the Vietnam

War, and his father's- I mean, you're

455

:

talking about generations of guys that

grew up watching people get their heads

456

:

blown off, and saw things that I've

never seen, nor do I want to see, and a

457

:

lot of these guys weren't touchy feely.

458

:

They were like, "Get up off your butt and

rub it out, and don't say ouch.", right?

459

:

That was a masculine way that

a lot of us were brought up.

460

:

Either right nor wrong, that's just the

way it is, and so, you know, this like

461

:

rub it out mentality, this tough it out

mentality, it works until it doesn't work,

462

:

because when you try to tough something

out, that means you're hiding something,

463

:

and when you're hiding something,

you're not expressing something, and

464

:

so when I reflect on where I was to

where I am now, I'm comfortable with me.

465

:

I was one of these guys,

I was wearing a mask.

466

:

I remember going to sales meetings,

and there was this mentality

467

:

in the sales marketplace, and

maybe it still exists today.

468

:

I don't know.

469

:

It's kind of a stupid saying, really.

470

:

"Fake it till you make it."

471

:

Well, I mean, that says a lot of

things, and they're all not good.

472

:

In the men's community, and John

Eldridge really brought up a lot of

473

:

these great topics of wearing a mask,

and posing, and all these things.

474

:

That is not good.

475

:

That means you're not authentic,

and people don't buy authentic.

476

:

They don't like authentic.

477

:

They want to be around real people, but

you've got to discover that for you,

478

:

and really, what I was going through

for a period of my life was I didn't

479

:

know who I was, and I got to say.

480

:

Why do we have such a high

divorce rate in this country?

481

:

Because people aren't

in love with themselves,

482

:

and you can't have a relationship

with somebody else if you

483

:

don't like yourself first.

484

:

Actually, what's crazy is if you

look at the divorce statistics,

485

:

second marriages fell faster

than first ones and third ones.

486

:

Why?

487

:

Because you're just going to find somebody

else and everything's going to change?

488

:

No!

489

:

Maybe you need to take

a look in the mirror.

490

:

You got to do the work on you first,

and men don't like to hear that because

491

:

we're not supposed to be at fault, right?

492

:

We're supposed to lead well.

493

:

Head up.

494

:

Chin up.

495

:

Shoulders back.

496

:

Try that.

497

:

Let me know how that's working out

for you, and you know, why do we

498

:

have what we have now in the world?

499

:

It's because we don't have strong men,

and I can tell you, if you look at the

500

:

statistics, and you can go look at Barna.

501

:

Barna is a great Christian organization

that has all kinds of statistics.

502

:

Churches are failing.

503

:

Churches are closing their doors.

504

:

Why are they doing that?

505

:

Because men are weak.

506

:

Men are weak, and the church

is not doing anything about it.

507

:

When we have weak men,

we have weak families.

508

:

When we have weak families,

we have weak churches.

509

:

When we have weak churches,

we have weak communities.

510

:

When we have weak communities,

you got the United States and

511

:

look at this place right now.

512

:

It's crazy, because we got weak men.

513

:

Joshua: It's the poison that really

starts at a small, non-noticeable level,

514

:

which might have happened a long time

ago, but now, as I've even said to even

515

:

other topics relating to this, Mike,

I've said the same thing is that it all

516

:

has to start with how we love ourselves,

and dude, I'll tell you, February 22nd,

517

:

2020, the day before I decided I wanted

to end my life, I was just feeding

518

:

into the narrative also of, "Yep.

519

:

Everything's great.

520

:

Everything's good.

521

:

Everything's going to be peachy dory.

522

:

I think I'm going to

fake it till I make it.

523

:

Everything will just be all right."

524

:

It wasn't to a core, and as you're

saying all this, and you see my

525

:

emotional reactions, like "Yes!

526

:

Yes!

527

:

Yes!", you probably see

me in the most animated.

528

:

I'm sitting here and I'm thinking, "Yeah.

529

:

If I could have just heard even some

of those words, if I just had another

530

:

man, even another woman, just be able

to put their hand on my hand and say-

531

:

Mike: Yeah.

532

:

Joshua: "Let it go."

533

:

"Let it go."

534

:

That would have made such a

huge difference in my life.

535

:

Mike: Yeah.

536

:

You know, what happens is, and I did this.

537

:

There's this feeling

like you're not worthy.

538

:

I'm not worthy.

539

:

I'm not worthy, man.

540

:

That's such a load of crap.

541

:

I hate that line, and I would say

to you, brother, you are worthy.

542

:

Thank you, Jesus, that we're

here talking with each other.

543

:

I mean, really, you're worthy.

544

:

You're worthy.

545

:

Joshua: So are you, man.

546

:

Mike: And so I love telling

people that they're worthy,

547

:

because that's what Jesus did.

548

:

That's what Jesus did, and we're in

a time and a place where people are

549

:

just too doggone busy, yelling at each

other, and they think every time- I

550

:

shot somebody an email the other day

and I was really honest with them.

551

:

There was this back and forth going on.

552

:

I said, "Man, this is feeling salesy."

553

:

Salesy.

554

:

" I don't feel the relationship here.

555

:

It feels salesy."

556

:

You know what the guy did to me?

557

:

He sent me an email back and said,

"You're off all our email lists.

558

:

In fact, we're putting

you on the a hole list."

559

:

Joshua: Wait.

560

:

He said that in an email to you?

561

:

Mike: In an email.

562

:

In an email.

563

:

In an email, and I thought, "How

small of a life are you living

564

:

in that you have to do that?"

565

:

By the way, I use his company for

business, and I said to him, "I

566

:

think I'm going to have to rethink

that.", which he took as a threat.

567

:

Now that's living in a small world, and I

say that, because, while you're out busy

568

:

giving people the finger on the interstate

because somebody cut you off, and it

569

:

could have been a complete accident, and

you don't know what kind of day they're

570

:

having, by the way, while people are

out dropping F bonds, I always laugh.

571

:

I said, "Dad!

572

:

You remember when people used

to talk behind your back,

573

:

and nobody does that anymore.

574

:

They just tell you to your face."

575

:

Man,

576

:

it saddens me.

577

:

I remember multiple things.

578

:

One, I love this country.

579

:

I love this country, and I'll

tell you a couple of reasons why.

580

:

One, this country was

founded on godly principles.

581

:

The other thing that I remember

was the:

582

:

when we beat the Russians.

583

:

I was 10 years old, and at that

time, we were talking about, "Oh man.

584

:

We might go to war with the

Russians.", and I was scared, man.

585

:

I was scared.

586

:

I looked at my dad's Vietnam stuff and I'm

like, "I don't want to wear a gas mask.

587

:

That looks scary, man."

588

:

Joshua: Yeah.

589

:

Mike: And when we kick their tails, man.

590

:

To this day, I tell people, I'm

like, "That is the greatest single

591

:

sporting events ever happened in

my life, and I'm not sure it could

592

:

ever be topped.", because we won.

593

:

It wasn't them winning.

594

:

We won as a country.

595

:

They put us on their back and made

everybody feel great, and then on the

596

:

back end of that, Ronald Reagan ruled

the eighties, and Ronald Reagan, I bought

597

:

everything that guy said, because he

told us we were a shining city on a hill.

598

:

We don't look like that right now, man.

599

:

Joshua: Well, I have to ask this final

question because we're already over

600

:

time, but I want to ask you this anyway,

and I don't care if we're over time.

601

:

Mike: I'm just getting started.

602

:

Come on.

603

:

Joshua: Yeah, I know, we're

just getting started, right?

604

:

You have this about the True

Man Journey on your website.

605

:

When someone steps into your coaching

program, you have: "be your own man,

606

:

on your own terms, free to be you."

607

:

Those three things.

608

:

Are you doing those three things, Mike?

609

:

Mike: I try like hell every day.

610

:

It's so important to me to be

authentic, and vulnerable, and real,

611

:

and I would like to think that this

time we've had together shows that.

612

:

Do I get it right all the time?

613

:

No!

614

:

I'm a human being, but I'm learning

every day, and one of the beautiful parts

615

:

about what I do is when I'm coaching,

or I'm working with somebody, or in

616

:

small group, or whatever the case may

be, I'm walking alongside with you.

617

:

I'm learning too!

618

:

I'm learning too!

619

:

I view it as a partnership, and so I think

what I have found ,and what I feel good

620

:

about, is this sense of lightness in my

life that I'm finding more freedom in

621

:

a life of more, because I used to walk

around- I grew up in the Midwest, right?

622

:

You're out there in Pennsylvania,

so you know how the snow works, man.

623

:

They call it white knuckling it, right?

624

:

When you get hands on the

wheel and you grip that sucker.

625

:

You know what?

626

:

I got tired of going through

life white knuckling it.

627

:

That gets tiring.

628

:

After a while, you have to ask yourself,

"How long am I going to white knuckle this

629

:

thing?", and that's what I'm there for;

take your hands off the wheel for a while.

630

:

Sit back.

631

:

Relax.

632

:

Let's figure this thing out,

and that's what it's all about.

633

:

I have a thing on my desk right

here next to the ace of spades.

634

:

I won a thousand bucks that night.

635

:

Thank you, Northcob Rotary.

636

:

That was a good pull right there,

but right on top that card, it

637

:

says, "1 percent every day."

638

:

That's the goal.

639

:

You don't eat the elephant

in one bite, right?

640

:

You just make the effort to get better

every day, and that's what it's all about.

641

:

Joshua: You make me realize that I'm

on the right path, and you gave me the

642

:

validation to say that sometimes I do fall

flat on my face, which ironically enough

643

:

yesterday, which yesterday in listener

world, that was months ago now, because of

644

:

when we record this, but yesterday, I was

at the lowest point and I was like, "Ah.

645

:

I'm not feeling it today.

646

:

I'm not going to give my 1 percent.",

and it's okay not to give that

647

:

1%, but today, I'm going to move

that needle forward 1 percent.

648

:

Mike: Fail fast ,and better

your best, every day.

649

:

Joshua: I'm going to leave it at that.

650

:

Mike, I want to give you

the last few minutes.

651

:

Tell us a little bit about how we

can find True Man Life Coaching, True

652

:

Man Podcast, all those good things.

653

:

I know we haven't even gotten into the

books, and you're going to be writing a

654

:

book, and maybe you want to quickly talk

about that in maybe in like 30 seconds

655

:

or so, but I will put that in the episode

notes too, so I'll give you the last few.

656

:

Go for it.

657

:

Mike: You know, a lot of the things

that we talked about on the program

658

:

today or what's going in the book,

to be honest with you, and the

659

:

best way to get ahold of me is to

go out to truemanlifecoaching.com.

660

:

I have all of my social media on there.

661

:

I've got ways to connect.

662

:

People will ask me all the time, "Well,

how can I find you on the podcast?"

663

:

Well, if you go to truemanpodcast.com,

that goes right into my website.

664

:

You can connect into whatever platform

you want to connect on, because I'm

665

:

on all the main ones: Apple, Spotify.

666

:

I don't even know what all the- all of

them, but you can connect through it on

667

:

my website, and my books are out there.

668

:

Yeah, I've been in some

collaboration books.

669

:

Those are on my website, and I'm

working on my book right now called

670

:

True Man, True Ways: A Roadmap of

Discovery To The Masculine Heart.

671

:

You

672

:

see how that played in

on the initial question?

673

:

It's all about the heart.

674

:

The heart should be at the center

of everything, and that's biblical,

675

:

so there you go, but yeah, go

out to truemanlifecoaching.com.

676

:

You can get on my calendar.

677

:

My email is mike@truemanlifecoaching.com.

678

:

Reach out to me.

679

:

I give a free initial call to everybody,

because what I do is all relational,

680

:

whether I'm doing a podcast like we're

doing today, it's all relational.

681

:

I'm not trying to sell anybody on

anything, and if I'm not a good

682

:

fit for you, or if you have mental

health issues that are well beyond

683

:

where I'm at, I'm happy to talk with

you and refer you to somebody else.

684

:

Also, I want to say this, and I

think this is an important point.

685

:

Men, you need to find a small group to be

in, and you may say, "Well, I don't know

686

:

where to find one.", then reach out to me.

687

:

I will connect you.

688

:

I have connections around the country,

and I will help you find a men's

689

:

small group if you don't know how to

do that, so I want to give that out.

690

:

I don't say that enough, and I need to.

691

:

Joshua: I'm glad you said it, and I

think that, as I mentioned to you even

692

:

before the show, I think sometimes

just finding those people that we can

693

:

connect with helps us so much, and

you even said you have your own coach.

694

:

I'm also finding a coach too, and trying

to get my level of support because I

695

:

know I can't do this alone, but the

fact that you find that peace with

696

:

Jesus Christ, the fact that you've

built all these things to help yourself

697

:

isn't just about the fact that you did

it, but you did it with that in mind,

698

:

and with men that you walk along with.

699

:

You, sir, are really important person

when it comes to that, because we

700

:

need more people like men to walk

along with, and that reminds me of the

701

:

importance that what I need to start

doing today, which is also reaching out

702

:

to my fellow males, because I know that

that is something that I really feel

703

:

passionate about, but Mike, thanks for

being on Speaking From The Heart today.

704

:

Thanks for sharing your story.

705

:

Thanks so much for digging into this

with me, and I really enjoyed not only

706

:

the vulnerable conversation that both

you and I had, but the important aspect

707

:

of it is, it isn't just about us.

708

:

It's about all those that need to hear

this today, so thank you for that.

709

:

Mike: A hundred percent.

710

:

Thanks for having me on, man.

711

:

I received those words.

712

:

Thank you.

713

:

Joshua: Again, I want to thank Mike

so much for being part of the show,

714

:

sharing what has been involved with

his story, digging really deep with me,

715

:

especially with this conversation about

men's mental health especially, and

716

:

being able to create that school for us

to learn why it's so important to keep

717

:

on having the conversation, engaging

with that conversation through all the

718

:

different mediums that he has available.

719

:

I highly encourage you

to reach out to him.

720

:

Check out his YouTube that he has as

well, even check out his website, because

721

:

I think you're going to find that what

we're involved in with all these different

722

:

opportunities for men comes from the

heart, and that's why I have this show.

723

:

That's why I love having

people like Mike on.

724

:

It really digs deep into the importance

of how we connect with each other, but

725

:

we have to learn that it doesn't mean

that we just take one piece of advice,

726

:

walk away with it, thinking that we got

everything that we ever wanted to get out

727

:

of it, and leaving it be for what it was.

728

:

The heart for us has to come alive

from the things that really embody

729

:

our freedom, our expression of doing

that, our ability to speak out loud,

730

:

knowing that we're going to be able

to help people in a variety of ways.

731

:

Now, for me, I know that we have so many

people on this show that have shared

732

:

that perspective, they have dug deep

with us, and normally we're hearing from

733

:

coaches, we're hearing from people that

have found that calling, surrounding

734

:

themselves, helping to push that forward,

my story included, but the thing is

735

:

is that with doing this, having that

connection, having that creativity, to

736

:

be able to learn from these kinds of

stories, we can easily see parallels,

737

:

connections with what other people are

going through, regardless of any industry.

738

:

I think what happens when you're crippled

by what you have gone through means

739

:

that you have to learn to dig deep, and

sometimes digging deep isn't the same

740

:

for everybody, and I've continuously have

said on this show about the importance

741

:

of respecting all different viewpoints.

742

:

It doesn't matter if you're religious.

743

:

It doesn't matter if you

believe in something else.

744

:

You could believe in pigs, and

worship the almighty pig god, for

745

:

all I care, but being able to learn

how to love is something that we have

746

:

to find within our own personality.

747

:

We all have different love languages as

the author Gary Chapman with his Five Love

748

:

Languages book series even talk about.

749

:

It's about how we can connect with

others, whether it's within ourselves

750

:

or with others, but walking alongside

of people, being able to learn how to

751

:

create that engagement, that context,

especially when it comes to men

752

:

in Mike's case, is what makes this

really a fascinating story for me.

753

:

I think we have to also learn to create

an opportunity not only for making up

754

:

for all the ways in which we have these

paths, but ultimately how we cross those

755

:

paths, ultimately help us to show the

clarity and direction of where we need

756

:

to follow in our heart, especially when

we're working with people that need that

757

:

help to figure it out for themselves.

758

:

I know for many men, our hearts

have been broken one way or another.

759

:

Whether it has been a poor upbringing,

whether we've been told not to share

760

:

what our feelings are, maybe it's even

to navigate the things that are occurring

761

:

without much guidance, because we're

supposed to figure it out, knowing that

762

:

we are supposed to be strong overall,

and I know that can be very easy to

763

:

say, but very challenging in itself.

764

:

How you do those things means that you

have to have a good set of morals, ethics,

765

:

code of values, which, especially in this

fatherless epidemic that we have, is not

766

:

very easy to do, and unfortunately, is

not very much talked about in today's

767

:

culture, especially in the United

States, so how do we become a true man?

768

:

I think Mike really started to dig

into some of these areas, and I know

769

:

if I had more time with him today,

he would have dug even more, but I

770

:

encourage you, listen to this podcast.

771

:

I think you might get something out of it.

772

:

Especially when it comes to helping

these types of individuals, especially

773

:

those that have been hiding for

so long because they don't know

774

:

how to quite express it, because

they've been told not to express it.

775

:

What keeps you going?

776

:

What helps you in terms of what you

need, so that you can keep going?

777

:

Who will help you to keep going?

778

:

Even those five W's that I started to

even ask in this line of questioning

779

:

could help you, and help someone

that is struggling with this, become

780

:

better, but I have to be real.

781

:

You have to be curious about what the

world is around you, especially if you're

782

:

hurt, you're wounded, you're traumatized.

783

:

You have to be curious about what

if I am able to work on myself.

784

:

What if I'm able to change the story

that I have going on right now?

785

:

What if I can speculate how I can follow

somebody, anybody for that matter, that

786

:

will help me to become somebody that I

always admired, always wanted to have the

787

:

respect for, and more importantly, how I

can move myself into a positive direction?

788

:

Those are the things that I believe in

my own definition would help me become

789

:

a true man myself, but I have to be

comfortable first to be able to do that.

790

:

I have to admit.

791

:

Mike's conversation really strikes

at me with the iron that is very hot,

792

:

and the reason why is that even my

own dad, the relationship that I have

793

:

with him, the relationship I wish

I had with him, never materialized.

794

:

Growing up, we just didn't see eye to

eye, and I don't know if that means

795

:

that I'm a terrible son, or that I have

to do better when it comes to being

796

:

able to associate with my own parents.

797

:

I don't know if that means I'm

inadequate, because I don't have some

798

:

of the skills that he wanted me to

have, or even enjoying what I should be

799

:

doing in my life, because I know that

I should be doing more, and I'm not

800

:

doing what he thought I would be doing.

801

:

I wasn't comfortable with myself.

802

:

I didn't love who I was.

803

:

I didn't love even my own country, and

I'm not talking about the United States.

804

:

I'm talking about the country

that I am building for myself.

805

:

Who's going to be running it?

806

:

Who's going to be part of my cabinet?

807

:

Who's going to help me making sure

that policies, procedures are followed?

808

:

Who's going to make sure the finances, the

legal aspects of this, are under control?

809

:

Sometimes we're just walking through life,

right knuckling it, hoping, throwing up

810

:

a prayer, and making sure that we just

cover our asses, especially when it

811

:

comes to the things that might happen

or might not happen in this world, even

812

:

if we think we're doing the right thing.

813

:

I don't know about you, and I don't

know about what your journey is, and

814

:

that's why I've even said from the very

beginning of this podcast that it's

815

:

about exploring what is on your heart,

and even in episode 100, going all the

816

:

way back to earlier this year when I

celebrated that milestone with you, it

817

:

was about understanding how we can answer

that question even more effectively.

818

:

Sometimes we don't know what that

answer is, even if we try to work

819

:

with people like Mike to figure out

through this 60,000 miles of blood

820

:

vessels that we have inside of our

bodies, how we can be better mentors,

821

:

how we can be better communicators,

especially in the relationships that

822

:

we have, either with men or women,

depending on who you are today.

823

:

The picture is not the same, and if I were

to tell you today this is what you need

824

:

to do, I would be doing you the biggest

injustice ever, and people that tell

825

:

you that you should be doing something

a certain way, do not understand,

826

:

or have your best interests in mind.

827

:

You have to take it with a grain of salt.

828

:

You have to also respect your

body, which is a temple in itself.

829

:

When you start to violate your own

temple, that is what makes this so hard,

830

:

and for me and my dad, getting back to

the subject that I was starting to go

831

:

down on, I realize, why, oh why it's

so hard for me to associate with him,

832

:

so today, this message is for my dad.

833

:

I love you, dad, and I'm sorry that

I hurt you, and I'm sorry that we've

834

:

never been able to really see eye to

eye, and I hope that one day, even when

835

:

you're still here, you can forgive me,

but at the same time, I hope that you

836

:

understand why I made the choices I

did, and you can respect me as well.

837

:

Holding that men's retreat is something

that I really want to have with my dad.

838

:

Being able to have that heart to heart

in which we open up and we're able to

839

:

share our identity, our perspective.

840

:

I think that's what Mike

really wanted me to do today.

841

:

I think that's what he wants us all to

do today, regardless of the kinds of

842

:

relationships that we're in, because

if we're broken in our hearts, of

843

:

course we're going to be shut down.

844

:

Of course we're not going to

see the different perspectives

845

:

that we have available.

846

:

Of course we're not going

to make any changes.

847

:

Of course we're not going to follow

what we should be following, because

848

:

regardless of any kind of advice, self

help books, podcasts, anything that you

849

:

might even engage in with conversation

with others, you have to realize that

850

:

your heart, your mind, your body,

your soul, all have to open up to

851

:

speculate on the question of, "What if?"

852

:

I know that this can be a very challenging

subject, and even for me today, this

853

:

is so hard for me to open up about my

dad, the relationship that I always

854

:

really wanted, and I didn't really get

to have, but I have to tell you, for my

855

:

fellow listeners listening to this today,

you have to love your country, and I'm

856

:

talking about you, not the United States,

not where you live across the world.

857

:

I'm talking about how you can love your

own country, how you can create those

858

:

resources for yourself, how you can be

comfortable with you, but also letting

859

:

go of the pain that your heart has, and

stop letting it be broken down the road.

860

:

You are respected, and by respect, you

have to create a context, an image in

861

:

your mind of, what this will look like

down the road, knowing that you have

862

:

all the abilities, all the respect,

all the wisdom to be able to overcome.

863

:

It just starts with a mind shift.

864

:

It starts with knowing that it's

okay to open up, my male friends, to

865

:

the possibility of actually having

something that is on your heart, and

866

:

being able to share it once and for all.

867

:

If you need help with

that, reach out to me.

868

:

Reach out to Mike.

869

:

Reach out to whoever you trust with

that kind of conversation, because when

870

:

you start to have that, when you start

to engage with that, when you start to

871

:

figure out what ultimately will happen

in your life because you had that tough

872

:

conversation, I guarantee you, just

like I'm going to have with my dad.

873

:

You're going to see a different

perspective because you became curious

874

:

on the question of what if, and now you

see the possibilities after answering

875

:

that question, of what you've created.

876

:

That creation is something

really beautiful in itself.

877

:

Thanks for listening to episode

number 152 of Speaking from the

878

:

Heart, and I look forward to

hearing from your heart, very soon.

879

:

Outro: Thanks for listening.

880

:

For more information about our podcast

and future shows, search for Speaking From

881

:

The Heart to subscribe and be notified

wherever you listen to your podcasts.

882

:

Visit us at www.yourspeakingvoice.biz

for more information about potential

883

:

services that can help you create

the best version of yourself.

884

:

See you next time.

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