Shownotes
We belong in community! Period. Figuring out what those identities that we align with when finding a community will look different for us, and finding that acceptance will help us to be vulnerable, unleash our true potential, and find ways to navigate obstacles that come through life. Regardless of what that may look like through religion, small groups, book clubs, civic organizations, non-profit volunteering, we all have different languages that align us in being able to find our true purpose. In this vulnerable, raw conversation, True Man Life Coaching Founder/Owner Mike Van Pelt shares his story of finding his religion, but how he specifically aligns with helping men that need help the most in becoming open to change on their own terms. Through his own story of self discovery, you can align with our guest's story today and create your own version of becoming connected with your passion & purpose of doing what you were always meant to become.
Guest Bio
Mike Van Pelt is an entrepreneur, author, speaker, and men’s life coach leader. He is the founder of True Man Life Coaching and host of the popular men’s podcast, True Man Podcast. Mike’s experience and passion for coaching, guiding, and mentoring men has come from his involvement in leading Christian men’s groups along with his own journey to take his life back and achieve success. In addition, Mike has served in leadership roles for most of his career, bringing over two decades of engagement and expertise in account management, consulting, and leadership development. Mike has authored numerous articles and is a three-time International Best Selling Author. In addition, Mike is completing his first book entitled, True Man True Ways, A Roadmap of Discovery to the Masculine Heart.
Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/CoachMikeVanPelt/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@truemanpodcast
Website: https://truemanlifecoaching.com/
Visit Our Website: https://speaking-from-the-heart.captivate.fm/
Visit Our Business Website: https://www.yourspeakingvoice.biz
Support The Mission Of The Business! Donate Here: https://speaking-from-the-heart.captivate.fm/support
Intro/Outro By: Michael Dugan, Podcast Host: Voice4Chefs
Transcripts
Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and
2
:determination all converge into
an amazing, heartfelt experience.
3
:This is Speaking From The Heart.
4
:Joshua: Welcome back to episode
number 152 of Speaking from the Heart.
5
:Today's guest is Mike Van Pelt, and
Mike is an entrepreneur, author,
6
:speaker, and men's life coach leader.
7
:He is the founder of the True Man
Life Coaching, and host of the popular
8
:men's podcast, True Man Podcast.
9
:Mike's experience and passion for
coaching, guiding, and mentoring
10
:men has come from his involvement
in leading Christian men's groups,
11
:along with his own journey to take
his life back and achieve success.
12
:In addition, Mike has served in
leadership roles for most of his career,
13
:bringing over two decades of engagement
and expertise in account management,
14
:consulting, and leadership development.
15
:Mike has authored numerous
articles and is a three time
16
:international best selling author.
17
:In addition, Mike is completing his
first book entitled, True Man, True
18
:Ways: A Roadmap of Discovery to the
Masculine Heart, and boy, did he get to
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:my masculine heart today as we had this
conversation about his journey, what led
20
:him into this field of wanting to help
other men, and why it's so important,
21
:especially with the 60,000 miles of blood
vessels that we have inside our body to
22
:transverse this huge road of success that
we have to achieve, especially as a male.
23
:Now, I got to say, Mike and I dive into
some very strong conversation about a
24
:variety of different topics that, to
me, we have been avoiding for so long,
25
:and have been not even addressing,
especially when it comes to males.
26
:I love the fact that we challenge
it because especially with what are
27
:support groups for women, women have
a lot of resources, unlike men, to
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:be able to do this, and that's not to
criticize that women also need that
29
:extra level of support too, but what I
think you're going to find about Mike's
30
:story is that coaching was ultimately
the reason why he became one himself.
31
:How he was able to become a true
man, in terms of what was really
32
:needed in his life, what he was
really curious about, and what was
33
:really what we needed to do in life
ultimately, which is to get through
34
:it, no matter how hard it might be.
35
:I think you're going to find a lot of
inspiration, but for me, this conversation
36
:was really heartfelt and why we need
to change the dialogue, especially
37
:in the world that we live in today.
38
:But with that, let's go to the episode.
39
:All right, we're here with Mike Van Pelt.
40
:Mike, thanks for sharing
your heart with us today.
41
:Mike: I'll tell you what.
42
:I love sharing my heart, and this has
been a work in progress and, what I
43
:commonly tell people when they ask me
what I do, I always say, "I help guys
44
:get out of their head and into their
heart.", which is something that is
45
:really missing in the men's community.
46
:Can I share something with you?
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:Joshua: Yeah, absolutely.
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:Mike: Did you know that the body
carries 60,000 miles of blood vessels,
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:and to put that into context, that's
approximately 3,000 miles across the
50
:United States from the West Coast to
the East Coast, which means you could
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:drive your car back and forth 10 times,
and the whole point of all those blood
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:vessels is they connect to your heart.
53
:Our body is an incredible, powerful
miracle, and it's just so important for us
54
:to be in touch with our heart, and I spent
so many years not knowing that, so thank
55
:you for the introduction.
56
:Joshua: Yeah, absolutely.
57
:I can't tell you enough though of
how many times that I wish I had that
58
:information at hand, because I think
how many connections I've made already,
59
:Mike, and you being one of my several
guests that I've had on the show.
60
:I have to be close to 100 at this point.
61
:I have never actually heard of that
fact before, so now, I know what I
62
:need to take with me going forward.
63
:Mike: Good!
64
:Good, so when it's in my upcoming
book, it'll be really original.
65
:I like that.
66
:Joshua: Well, thanks for sharing that
tidbit, and that heartfelt fact to kick
67
:us off, because Mike, I've already let
the audience know quite a lot about
68
:your background and who you are, what
you've already accomplished, but here's
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:the thing that really stuck out to
me, and I just want to jump into it.
70
:Mike: Sure.
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:Joshua: You work with men.
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:Period.
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:Now, I say that because I've had a lot of
women on the show that work with women.
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:Mike: Yeah.
75
:Joshua: I had a lot of women on the
show that work with women and men,
76
:but I don't have very often men that
work with men, so I'm kind of curious.
77
:What got you started into that passion
and that commitment to help other men?
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:Mike: Yeah.
79
:Well, people don't like to work
with men because we're the craziest
80
:animals on the face of the earth.
81
:Joshua: True statement.
82
:Mike: You know, it really
stems from my story.
83
:I was really at a loss in my life for what
I wanted to do throughout my adult career.
84
:I had been involved in sports for most
of my life growing up, and that just
85
:brought me such joy, such passion.
86
:It was a team environment,
and I love that.
87
:I love being in the locker room and
strategizing and being around the guys.
88
:That was my everything, and when all of
that came to an end, there was really
89
:nothing that ever replaced it, and when
I got into business, and started really,
90
:for the most part in the sales world,
nothing ever made my heart come alive.
91
:Just nothing, and our
kids were really young.
92
:My wife and I, after we got married,
lived in Texas for nine years, and then we
93
:moved to South Carolina, and our kids were
really young, and I was in the insurance
94
:and financial business, and when you're
in the insurance and financial arena,
95
:you build a clientele, so to pick up a
move across the country is a big deal,
96
:and I was really hoping I would find a
sage old guy at an insurance agency that
97
:wanted to teach a young guy, and I wasn't
finding that, and what happened was,
98
:rather than building a niche, I went big.
99
:I went big, and I got lost and I
really hated what I was doing, and
100
:I remember sitting with my wife
one night, and she said, "Mike.
101
:Our kids are young.
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:Stay at home with them.
103
:We're good."
104
:My wife is a senior executive.
105
:She's like, "We're good.
106
:Stay at home and figure out what you
want to do with your life.", and I
107
:remember having these conversations with
our kids, even though they were young.
108
:We didn't use daycare.
109
:We always talked about going
to school, and how important it
110
:was, and the importance of being
educated, and getting an education.
111
:I looked at that and I went, "Well,
there's something missing, Mike.
112
:You didn't complete your college
education.", and so I worked with a career
113
:counselor, and what we decided was I'm
going to go back to school and I'm going
114
:to complete my undergraduate degree, and
I did that, and during that timeframe,
115
:I started to get heavily involved with
a lot of nonprofits and my church, and
116
:I was doing that work, and my heart
was really coming alive as a result,
117
:and I realized, "You love nonprofits.
118
:Maybe that's the direction you want to go,
but what are those nonprofit executives
119
:have that you're missing?", and some of
the ones that were really good had an
120
:advanced degree, so I decided, because
I guess I'm a glutton for punishment,
121
:"I'm going to get my master's degree
as well.", and I went back and got my
122
:master's degree, and what's interesting
is I tried to go back out in the
123
:workforce, and I was met with crickets.
124
:Absolutely nothing.
125
:People had no idea what to do with Mike.
126
:Now he's educated, but he's
been a stay at home dad.
127
:We have no idea what to do with this guy.
128
:I was getting a lot of "no's" that I began
to internalize it ,and it was crippling.
129
:It was crippling me, because, as a man,
what happens is you go out, you introduce
130
:yourself, people want to know your name,
and then they want to know what you do,
131
:and when they ask what you do, then, human
nature, we start to judge people, right?
132
:"Oh, this guy's an attorney.
133
:He must have a big house and a big car.
134
:Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah."
135
:I couldn't even get it out of my mouth.
136
:In fact, there was one party we were at,
and my wife had to answer for me, because
137
:I was just curl up in the fetal position
when somebody asked me what I did.
138
:What I decided to do about it was I knew
that I had the knowledge, skills and
139
:abilities and professionalism to go out
and do anything, and I decided, "Well,
140
:I'm going to try my hand at business
consulting.", because I had some friends
141
:that had an opportunity, and so I
decided to go down that road, and I was
142
:out networking and I was at a business
networking event, met a guy by the name
143
:of Paul Bailey, and Paul and I hit it
off, but we discovered that we didn't like
144
:that networking group, that there were
more takers than givers in that group,
145
:and so we thought, "Well, let's start our
own networking group.", and what happened
146
:was we never got it off the ground.
147
:Utter failure.
148
:Turned into a men's small group almost
immediately because we have that in
149
:common, and what happened in that group
was I've been a Christian all my life,
150
:but I had no intimacy with Christ.
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:None.
152
:It just didn't exist.
153
:I didn't know it was available, and so
we started doing the men's small group
154
:and I went to a men's retreat and it was
on that weekend at the men's retreat on
155
:a Saturday morning, and the executive
director said, "We're going to play three
156
:songs this morning, and I want you to
think of these songs as Christ singing
157
:them to you.", and they played a song
by Josh Groban called You Are Loved, and
158
:I literally almost fell to the floor.
159
:It was in that moment that I heard
God say to me, "I want an intimate
160
:relationship with you, and you are my
beloved Son.", and my life changed.
161
:I immediately started looking around, and
I'm like, "There's 300 guys in this room."
162
:I know what we're doing
in our men's small group.
163
:I've been to other small groups.
164
:There's a need for another man to
walk alongside another man, and I
165
:had never been to a retreat before.
166
:There was a lot that I had to
unpack, but that was in the
167
:spring of 2019, by the way.
168
:By the end of 2019, I'm
now thinking, "Okay.
169
:This is a direction I want to go.", and
lo and behold, in February of:
170
:had this small little problem called COVID
pop up, and that just changed everything,
171
:and then June 15th of 2020, my wife had
been with a company for 14 years, and
172
:out of the blue, companies are trying
to figure out, "How can I take it?"
173
:She was in the hospitality business
after 14 years, and completely out
174
:of the blue, they pulled her in, and
said, "Thanks for being here, but
175
:you're no longer needed.", and so our
world just got flipped on its head.
176
:Oh, and by the way, that's
in the middle of the summer.
177
:Our son's getting ready to be a senior
in high school, and our daughter's
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:a sophomore, so now, we know we're
probably going to have to relocate
179
:at some point, but we really don't
want to do that, because it's going
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:to be disruptive for the kids.
181
:We immediately started looking around.
182
:"What can we do?
183
:What can we do together?
184
:Is there something we can do?
185
:Is there a business we can buy?",
and I came across this coaching
186
:platform, and the guy had a thing
about dads, and I'm like, "Oh boy!
187
:That gets me every time.", right?
188
:This guy's talking about men, and I called
him, and the rest, they say is history,
189
:so we started down this road together,
and I was using him, and that's really
190
:where the coaching thing took off, and
the podcast thing took off, because it
191
:was a joke in our men's small group.
192
:" It would be really cool
if we recorded this."
193
:I didn't even know a lot about
podcasting, and so we began the podcast,
194
:and that is how my coaching journey
with men started, because men walked
195
:alongside me in a moment where I
needed to win my heart back, and they
196
:helped me do that when nobody else
gave a wing ding about Mike van Pelt.
197
:Those men in that group cared enough
to listen to what I was going through
198
:and help me rebuild, and what I
offer men, basically, is a shortcut.
199
:You don't have to go through
what I've gone through.
200
:Now, unfortunately, you guys are rascals.
201
:You wait until you're bleeding out your
eyeballs before you come ask for help.
202
:Don't do that.
203
:That's a bad thing, by the way, and
so, everything that I do is to help
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:be there for guys, and walk alongside
them, to help them find their vision
205
:and their purpose in life, and I
asked those deep questions that they
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:don't know how to ask in that moment,
because they're in the weeds, right?
207
:We've all been there, and so that's how
this whole thing got started, and that's
208
:why I work with men, very specifically.
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:Joshua: That's an incredible
tale of how you got to here.
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:First off, I got to tell you,
you're a fellow brother in arms.
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:I also have my master's in
public administration, which I
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:noticed that's what you obtained.
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:Mike: Yeah.
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:Yeah.
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:Yeah.
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:Never use it, but-
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:Joshua: I never used it.
218
:I had to use mine for government,
and my full time job that I have
219
:with the state of Pennsylvania,
so I have definitely utilized it.
220
:I actually have been fortunate enough
to get two, because I had one before
221
:that; a business administration masters,
which I didn't use until I started the
222
:business, so that in itself, I think
that whole conversation of you working
223
:with a career advisor, and going in that
direction of getting your bachelor's and
224
:seeing that I can relate to, and what I
also related to is the fact that you have
225
:gone through these cycles of, "Oh yeah!
226
:Everything's really great."
227
:"Oh!
228
:Everything's not so great."
229
:"Everything's really great.", and
I say that because I shared with
230
:this even to you previously, COVID
seems to have changed everything.
231
:It was a game changer for many people,
and for you to be able to say, "This is
232
:what I can find as a niche by working
with other people.", that, in itself,
233
:means so much, and one last thing I have
to say with what you shared is that you
234
:had the podcast, before the coaching?
235
:Is that correct?
236
:Mike: They kind of happened
simultaneously, so the rest of the
237
:story is, is that when we were going
through what we were going through
238
:as a family, when my wife lost her
job, we were in a smaller area.
239
:My wife had always been in corporate
America, and so there was really a limited
240
:amount of opportunity there, and what
we realized was that if she was going to
241
:take another position, it was ultimately
going to cause us to relocate, and so,
242
:I went through some training and got
certified from a coaching standpoint
243
:prior to us moving and relocating now
outside the Atlanta area, and that was
244
:a deal that I struck with the guy that
I originally did my coaching services
245
:through, because I told him, I'm like,
"We don't know where we're going to end
246
:up, and the last thing I want to do is
be trying to figure out how to run a
247
:business and be moving at the same time.",
because what ultimately was going to
248
:happen was that I knew I was going to
have to take a lot more on when we move,
249
:because my wife was going to be working,
and somebody had to pick up the slack.
250
:Somebody had to be there for
the cable guy, the gas guy, the
251
:contractor, whatever the case may be.
252
:I had no problem doing that, but
I knew that we couldn't run all
253
:simultaneously, and what's interesting
is the podcast, as I mentioned, was a
254
:joke in our men's small group, but the
guy that I went into coaching with,
255
:he jokingly said to me one day, "Mike!
256
:You've ever thought
about doing a podcast?"
257
:after I sent him a couple
of blogs, and I said, "Nah!
258
:Yeah, we talk about it all the time,
but I don't know if I could do it.",
259
:and as I mentioned to you, I researched
it and I decided, "You know what?
260
:This could be interesting, but I still
don't know if I'll do it.", and I
261
:ordered the equipment, had it shipped
to my house, and when it showed up my
262
:front door, I knew I had no choice.
263
:I had to figure it out, and that's exactly
what we did, so to some degree, the
264
:podcast really did start before I jumped
into the coaching, but not formally.
265
:Joshua: Yeah.
266
:Yeah.
267
:It was more informally.
268
:Either way, I'm going to cut it off by
saying you had the podcast before the
269
:coaching, and that's funny, because
I had the coaching before the podcast
270
:for myself, so I just found that we all
take different paths to get to where
271
:we are, and that's just a unique path.
272
:I never really heard of that
sort of unique take before.
273
:I got to ask this, and this is probably
more of a deep question, and it's
274
:something that you said about your faith
journey and finding Jesus Christ, and I've
275
:always said to people on this show, Mike,
and I said this to you even before we
276
:started, and my listeners know this too.
277
:I think that we all come from
different paths in terms of how
278
:we got to where we are, and that's
what I really care more about.
279
:It's not about judging people,
or antagonizing, condemning them.
280
:I don't believe in that in my show,
and doing this, because I've had
281
:clients that come from all walks
of life too, and I want to help
282
:them get to where they need to be.
283
:That moment where those universal items,
I would say, aligned for you, where a
284
:lot of things were going down, but yeah,
a lot of things were, you're finding it.
285
:Was there a sense of peace with you
finding Jesus, or maybe to put it
286
:in another way, was it comforting
to know that there was a path now
287
:to move forward to figuring out
what your calling was in life?
288
:Mike: You know, it's so
interesting, because growing
289
:up, church wasn't an option.
290
:Joshua: Yeah.
291
:Mike: Church was something
we were going to do.
292
:We were doing it every Sunday.
293
:I grew up in a Lutheran
church in the Midwest.
294
:We were going to midweek class
in the middle of the week, and it
295
:was just something that we did.
296
:My relationship, I think, with
Christ was very hierarchical.
297
:In other words, if you go to your
typical church, the minister stands
298
:in the pulpit, so he stands above you.
299
:You're in the pews, and so
there was kind of like, "Okay.
300
:God's up here.
301
:I'm down here.
302
:According to what I've read and
heard, all I need to do is just
303
:pray for forgiveness and I'm good.
304
:We're good?"
305
:"Yeah, we're good."
306
:"Okay.", and I didn't view it as,
you know, God really wants to be
307
:a part of my life, you know, and
what happened in that moment was
308
:my heart was broken in that moment.
309
:I was feeling the pain of not feeling
like the man I wanted to be, and not
310
:really knowing how I could get there.
311
:I was trying all kinds of things.
312
:I'm an eighties kid, right?
313
:I grew up in the eighties, and back in
the eighties, they told you if you go
314
:to college, and get your college degree,
you get the house with the white picket
315
:fence, and the dog, and two kids and a
wife, and everything's hunky dory, right?
316
:Not so much, and so I was not prepared
to go to school when I went to school,
317
:and I really could have cared less
about school to be perfectly honest.
318
:I was more concerned about what was
going on in the football field or
319
:the basketball, and the bottom of
the beer can for quite a while, so
320
:school was not a priority to me,
but when you have something happen,
321
:and it's unmistakable that Jesus
is basically saying to you, "Son!
322
:Just love me like I love you.", and he's
talking to you and you hear that voice.
323
:It's really one of the more
transformational things that has
324
:ever happened to me, so TrueMan,
that was our men's small group
325
:that was taken out of scripture.
326
:Jesus Christ walk on earth as a true man.
327
:That's what we pulled it from, and
so, in our minds, the best role
328
:model that had ever walked the
face of the earth was Jesus Christ.
329
:Now we're never going
to get to Jesus's level.
330
:That's not the point.
331
:The point is He gave us
the playbook: the Bible.
332
:It's all in the Bible.
333
:He gave us the playbook.
334
:Joshua: Yes.
335
:Mike: You know, and said, "Here you go.
336
:Here's how you do this.", and so in
our minds, that was how to get it
337
:done, and I set out, every day, to be
the best true man that I can be now.
338
:I have a lot of people, maybe this
is going through your mind right now.
339
:A lot of people ask me, they're like,
"Well, Mike, how do you define true man?"
340
:Joshua: Actually, I was going
to ask that as it relates to
341
:your clients, but go for it.
342
:Mike: Yeah.
343
:What is a true man, and here's what
I've learned about that, and I had
344
:to evolve from this, and this is
the beauty of what God's given me.
345
:God has entrusted me
with the TrueMan brand.
346
:It's not mine.
347
:He's trusted me.
348
:Now, I have a business coach.
349
:I believe every coach should
surround themselves with
350
:coaches, and everything they do.
351
:I have a business coach.
352
:I had a podcast coach.
353
:I've had a golf coach in my life.
354
:I have faith coach.
355
:Why do I do that?
356
:I do that, because I want to be the best
person I can be, and I can't get there
357
:on my own, so I thought about, "Well.
358
:Okay.
359
:God's entrusted you
with this TrueMan brand.
360
:What does that mean, exactly?", and
what I realized was, and I was going
361
:back and I was looking at some stuff
from the television show, The Chosen,
362
:and if you haven't watched The Chosen,
by all means, what are you waiting for?
363
:Joshua: Yeah, it's a really good show.
364
:I've watched a few.
365
:I didn't watch all of it.
366
:Mike: So the guy that plays Jesus
on there is absolutely incredible.
367
:I mean, that's my Jesus right there.
368
:That is my vision of the Jesus, but
there's a scene in there where Simon,
369
:Peter, and everybody's heard this
story about fishing and, you know,
370
:cast your nets out on the right side
of the boat, and so I'm watching the
371
:scene, and there's something about,
that's almost unexplainable to me,
372
:when Jesus says to Simon, Peter.
373
:"Follow me.", and I just kept playing it
back, and back, and back, and back, and
374
:back, and I'm like, "What is a true man?"
375
:I'm like, "Really?
376
:It's two words."
377
:"Follow me.", and guess what?
378
:I don't get to define what a true man is.
379
:You do.
380
:Your definition of a true man is what a
true man is, and I tell everybody that,
381
:and really, what that comes from is it's
a byproduct of the coaching model that I
382
:have, which is, basically I can't fix you.
383
:I don't want to fix you.
384
:I don't even understand
what the word fix is.
385
:I will guide you, because
I believe, just like I did.
386
:You have the answers inside of you.
387
:I'm just going to ask very powerful
questions, and be the guide that
388
:helps you get them out, and if we
help you get that out, you will be
389
:able to define what a true man is for
you, and so that's how I define true
390
:man, if that is even a definition.
391
:Joshua: I've explored that subject a
few times with some of my other guests
392
:too, and every time that I feel like
I have an answer for it from what
393
:another guest says, another guest
comes along, like you and says, "Well.
394
:Wait.
395
:Wait.
396
:Wait.
397
:Wait.
398
:Let's see a little bit about what's
behind the curtain, and get beyond what
399
:you might see on the surface.", and
it's so true, and I can say this with
400
:some credence because of being a man
myself, but I feel that I have hidden
401
:behind the veil, Mike, for so many
years, and I'm younger, obviously, you
402
:can tell my beard hasn't grayed out yet
myself, but, one of the things that.
403
:Yeah, I looked at you.
404
:Mike: Gray beard?
405
:Okay.
406
:All right.
407
:Joshua: Yeah.
408
:I had to call it out.
409
:I'm sorry, but you have a
nice photo that isn't showing
410
:any of that, so you got that.
411
:Mike: This is relatively new.
412
:I haven't, you know, we're just-
413
:Joshua: This is relatively new as in
the last four years, it decided to
414
:do like my dad did, which is grow out
the beard too, so I completely can
415
:understand that, but anyways, getting
back to the subject, I find that when
416
:we, as males, are trying to figure out
how we best communicate that, we don't
417
:also want to show that sign of weakness.
418
:I lived in that weakness for so long, and
I almost felt like, earlier, when you're
419
:telling your story, you're talking about
your weakness, but you were proud of your
420
:weakness, which is something a little bit
strange to me, because people aren't proud
421
:of that stuff, but you're like, "Yeah.
422
:I walked through that, and here I am."
423
:I don't know.
424
:I mean, I could be wrong.
425
:Mike: At the time, I didn't embrace it,
so what I've learned to be is curious.
426
:Curious about the world.
427
:Curious about the word of God.
428
:Curious about myself.
429
:Just curious.
430
:When you're in a state of curiosity,
you're in a powerful state.
431
:You're in a powerful state, and I wasn't
curious when I was going through some
432
:of the things that I was going through.
433
:Not to the extent that I am now.
434
:I mean, I was curious, but just not
curious, curious, if that makes any sense.
435
:I was hurt.
436
:There's a number of different words we
could probably throw at it: wounded,
437
:traumatized, you're in pain, and it
doesn't necessarily matter what it is.
438
:We could sit here and go, "Well,
on a spectrum of things, this is
439
:really bad, and this is not so bad."
440
:It doesn't matter!
441
:If you're hurt, you're hurt.
442
:That's all there is to it, and so
I was hurting, and I didn't want
443
:anybody to know that I was hurting.
444
:On the outside, I look like
I had everything together.
445
:On the inside, man, I was reeling, and
part of that is in the men's community;
446
:again, I grew up in, in the eighties.
447
:I think that this is a little less now.
448
:I feel like people, the younger
generation, is much more in touch
449
:with this emotional side of things.
450
:I didn't grow up like that.
451
:I had a very loving dad.
452
:I had a very supporting dad.
453
:I didn't have a touchy, feely, huggy, dad.
454
:No, I mean, my dad was in the Vietnam
War, and his father's- I mean, you're
455
:talking about generations of guys that
grew up watching people get their heads
456
:blown off, and saw things that I've
never seen, nor do I want to see, and a
457
:lot of these guys weren't touchy feely.
458
:They were like, "Get up off your butt and
rub it out, and don't say ouch.", right?
459
:That was a masculine way that
a lot of us were brought up.
460
:Either right nor wrong, that's just the
way it is, and so, you know, this like
461
:rub it out mentality, this tough it out
mentality, it works until it doesn't work,
462
:because when you try to tough something
out, that means you're hiding something,
463
:and when you're hiding something,
you're not expressing something, and
464
:so when I reflect on where I was to
where I am now, I'm comfortable with me.
465
:I was one of these guys,
I was wearing a mask.
466
:I remember going to sales meetings,
and there was this mentality
467
:in the sales marketplace, and
maybe it still exists today.
468
:I don't know.
469
:It's kind of a stupid saying, really.
470
:"Fake it till you make it."
471
:Well, I mean, that says a lot of
things, and they're all not good.
472
:In the men's community, and John
Eldridge really brought up a lot of
473
:these great topics of wearing a mask,
and posing, and all these things.
474
:That is not good.
475
:That means you're not authentic,
and people don't buy authentic.
476
:They don't like authentic.
477
:They want to be around real people, but
you've got to discover that for you,
478
:and really, what I was going through
for a period of my life was I didn't
479
:know who I was, and I got to say.
480
:Why do we have such a high
divorce rate in this country?
481
:Because people aren't
in love with themselves,
482
:and you can't have a relationship
with somebody else if you
483
:don't like yourself first.
484
:Actually, what's crazy is if you
look at the divorce statistics,
485
:second marriages fell faster
than first ones and third ones.
486
:Why?
487
:Because you're just going to find somebody
else and everything's going to change?
488
:No!
489
:Maybe you need to take
a look in the mirror.
490
:You got to do the work on you first,
and men don't like to hear that because
491
:we're not supposed to be at fault, right?
492
:We're supposed to lead well.
493
:Head up.
494
:Chin up.
495
:Shoulders back.
496
:Try that.
497
:Let me know how that's working out
for you, and you know, why do we
498
:have what we have now in the world?
499
:It's because we don't have strong men,
and I can tell you, if you look at the
500
:statistics, and you can go look at Barna.
501
:Barna is a great Christian organization
that has all kinds of statistics.
502
:Churches are failing.
503
:Churches are closing their doors.
504
:Why are they doing that?
505
:Because men are weak.
506
:Men are weak, and the church
is not doing anything about it.
507
:When we have weak men,
we have weak families.
508
:When we have weak families,
we have weak churches.
509
:When we have weak churches,
we have weak communities.
510
:When we have weak communities,
you got the United States and
511
:look at this place right now.
512
:It's crazy, because we got weak men.
513
:Joshua: It's the poison that really
starts at a small, non-noticeable level,
514
:which might have happened a long time
ago, but now, as I've even said to even
515
:other topics relating to this, Mike,
I've said the same thing is that it all
516
:has to start with how we love ourselves,
and dude, I'll tell you, February 22nd,
517
:2020, the day before I decided I wanted
to end my life, I was just feeding
518
:into the narrative also of, "Yep.
519
:Everything's great.
520
:Everything's good.
521
:Everything's going to be peachy dory.
522
:I think I'm going to
fake it till I make it.
523
:Everything will just be all right."
524
:It wasn't to a core, and as you're
saying all this, and you see my
525
:emotional reactions, like "Yes!
526
:Yes!
527
:Yes!", you probably see
me in the most animated.
528
:I'm sitting here and I'm thinking, "Yeah.
529
:If I could have just heard even some
of those words, if I just had another
530
:man, even another woman, just be able
to put their hand on my hand and say-
531
:Mike: Yeah.
532
:Joshua: "Let it go."
533
:"Let it go."
534
:That would have made such a
huge difference in my life.
535
:Mike: Yeah.
536
:You know, what happens is, and I did this.
537
:There's this feeling
like you're not worthy.
538
:I'm not worthy.
539
:I'm not worthy, man.
540
:That's such a load of crap.
541
:I hate that line, and I would say
to you, brother, you are worthy.
542
:Thank you, Jesus, that we're
here talking with each other.
543
:I mean, really, you're worthy.
544
:You're worthy.
545
:Joshua: So are you, man.
546
:Mike: And so I love telling
people that they're worthy,
547
:because that's what Jesus did.
548
:That's what Jesus did, and we're in
a time and a place where people are
549
:just too doggone busy, yelling at each
other, and they think every time- I
550
:shot somebody an email the other day
and I was really honest with them.
551
:There was this back and forth going on.
552
:I said, "Man, this is feeling salesy."
553
:Salesy.
554
:" I don't feel the relationship here.
555
:It feels salesy."
556
:You know what the guy did to me?
557
:He sent me an email back and said,
"You're off all our email lists.
558
:In fact, we're putting
you on the a hole list."
559
:Joshua: Wait.
560
:He said that in an email to you?
561
:Mike: In an email.
562
:In an email.
563
:In an email, and I thought, "How
small of a life are you living
564
:in that you have to do that?"
565
:By the way, I use his company for
business, and I said to him, "I
566
:think I'm going to have to rethink
that.", which he took as a threat.
567
:Now that's living in a small world, and I
say that, because, while you're out busy
568
:giving people the finger on the interstate
because somebody cut you off, and it
569
:could have been a complete accident, and
you don't know what kind of day they're
570
:having, by the way, while people are
out dropping F bonds, I always laugh.
571
:I said, "Dad!
572
:You remember when people used
to talk behind your back,
573
:and nobody does that anymore.
574
:They just tell you to your face."
575
:Man,
576
:it saddens me.
577
:I remember multiple things.
578
:One, I love this country.
579
:I love this country, and I'll
tell you a couple of reasons why.
580
:One, this country was
founded on godly principles.
581
:The other thing that I remember
was the:
582
:when we beat the Russians.
583
:I was 10 years old, and at that
time, we were talking about, "Oh man.
584
:We might go to war with the
Russians.", and I was scared, man.
585
:I was scared.
586
:I looked at my dad's Vietnam stuff and I'm
like, "I don't want to wear a gas mask.
587
:That looks scary, man."
588
:Joshua: Yeah.
589
:Mike: And when we kick their tails, man.
590
:To this day, I tell people, I'm
like, "That is the greatest single
591
:sporting events ever happened in
my life, and I'm not sure it could
592
:ever be topped.", because we won.
593
:It wasn't them winning.
594
:We won as a country.
595
:They put us on their back and made
everybody feel great, and then on the
596
:back end of that, Ronald Reagan ruled
the eighties, and Ronald Reagan, I bought
597
:everything that guy said, because he
told us we were a shining city on a hill.
598
:We don't look like that right now, man.
599
:Joshua: Well, I have to ask this final
question because we're already over
600
:time, but I want to ask you this anyway,
and I don't care if we're over time.
601
:Mike: I'm just getting started.
602
:Come on.
603
:Joshua: Yeah, I know, we're
just getting started, right?
604
:You have this about the True
Man Journey on your website.
605
:When someone steps into your coaching
program, you have: "be your own man,
606
:on your own terms, free to be you."
607
:Those three things.
608
:Are you doing those three things, Mike?
609
:Mike: I try like hell every day.
610
:It's so important to me to be
authentic, and vulnerable, and real,
611
:and I would like to think that this
time we've had together shows that.
612
:Do I get it right all the time?
613
:No!
614
:I'm a human being, but I'm learning
every day, and one of the beautiful parts
615
:about what I do is when I'm coaching,
or I'm working with somebody, or in
616
:small group, or whatever the case may
be, I'm walking alongside with you.
617
:I'm learning too!
618
:I'm learning too!
619
:I view it as a partnership, and so I think
what I have found ,and what I feel good
620
:about, is this sense of lightness in my
life that I'm finding more freedom in
621
:a life of more, because I used to walk
around- I grew up in the Midwest, right?
622
:You're out there in Pennsylvania,
so you know how the snow works, man.
623
:They call it white knuckling it, right?
624
:When you get hands on the
wheel and you grip that sucker.
625
:You know what?
626
:I got tired of going through
life white knuckling it.
627
:That gets tiring.
628
:After a while, you have to ask yourself,
"How long am I going to white knuckle this
629
:thing?", and that's what I'm there for;
take your hands off the wheel for a while.
630
:Sit back.
631
:Relax.
632
:Let's figure this thing out,
and that's what it's all about.
633
:I have a thing on my desk right
here next to the ace of spades.
634
:I won a thousand bucks that night.
635
:Thank you, Northcob Rotary.
636
:That was a good pull right there,
but right on top that card, it
637
:says, "1 percent every day."
638
:That's the goal.
639
:You don't eat the elephant
in one bite, right?
640
:You just make the effort to get better
every day, and that's what it's all about.
641
:Joshua: You make me realize that I'm
on the right path, and you gave me the
642
:validation to say that sometimes I do fall
flat on my face, which ironically enough
643
:yesterday, which yesterday in listener
world, that was months ago now, because of
644
:when we record this, but yesterday, I was
at the lowest point and I was like, "Ah.
645
:I'm not feeling it today.
646
:I'm not going to give my 1 percent.",
and it's okay not to give that
647
:1%, but today, I'm going to move
that needle forward 1 percent.
648
:Mike: Fail fast ,and better
your best, every day.
649
:Joshua: I'm going to leave it at that.
650
:Mike, I want to give you
the last few minutes.
651
:Tell us a little bit about how we
can find True Man Life Coaching, True
652
:Man Podcast, all those good things.
653
:I know we haven't even gotten into the
books, and you're going to be writing a
654
:book, and maybe you want to quickly talk
about that in maybe in like 30 seconds
655
:or so, but I will put that in the episode
notes too, so I'll give you the last few.
656
:Go for it.
657
:Mike: You know, a lot of the things
that we talked about on the program
658
:today or what's going in the book,
to be honest with you, and the
659
:best way to get ahold of me is to
go out to truemanlifecoaching.com.
660
:I have all of my social media on there.
661
:I've got ways to connect.
662
:People will ask me all the time, "Well,
how can I find you on the podcast?"
663
:Well, if you go to truemanpodcast.com,
that goes right into my website.
664
:You can connect into whatever platform
you want to connect on, because I'm
665
:on all the main ones: Apple, Spotify.
666
:I don't even know what all the- all of
them, but you can connect through it on
667
:my website, and my books are out there.
668
:Yeah, I've been in some
collaboration books.
669
:Those are on my website, and I'm
working on my book right now called
670
:True Man, True Ways: A Roadmap of
Discovery To The Masculine Heart.
671
:You
672
:see how that played in
on the initial question?
673
:It's all about the heart.
674
:The heart should be at the center
of everything, and that's biblical,
675
:so there you go, but yeah, go
out to truemanlifecoaching.com.
676
:You can get on my calendar.
677
:My email is mike@truemanlifecoaching.com.
678
:Reach out to me.
679
:I give a free initial call to everybody,
because what I do is all relational,
680
:whether I'm doing a podcast like we're
doing today, it's all relational.
681
:I'm not trying to sell anybody on
anything, and if I'm not a good
682
:fit for you, or if you have mental
health issues that are well beyond
683
:where I'm at, I'm happy to talk with
you and refer you to somebody else.
684
:Also, I want to say this, and I
think this is an important point.
685
:Men, you need to find a small group to be
in, and you may say, "Well, I don't know
686
:where to find one.", then reach out to me.
687
:I will connect you.
688
:I have connections around the country,
and I will help you find a men's
689
:small group if you don't know how to
do that, so I want to give that out.
690
:I don't say that enough, and I need to.
691
:Joshua: I'm glad you said it, and I
think that, as I mentioned to you even
692
:before the show, I think sometimes
just finding those people that we can
693
:connect with helps us so much, and
you even said you have your own coach.
694
:I'm also finding a coach too, and trying
to get my level of support because I
695
:know I can't do this alone, but the
fact that you find that peace with
696
:Jesus Christ, the fact that you've
built all these things to help yourself
697
:isn't just about the fact that you did
it, but you did it with that in mind,
698
:and with men that you walk along with.
699
:You, sir, are really important person
when it comes to that, because we
700
:need more people like men to walk
along with, and that reminds me of the
701
:importance that what I need to start
doing today, which is also reaching out
702
:to my fellow males, because I know that
that is something that I really feel
703
:passionate about, but Mike, thanks for
being on Speaking From The Heart today.
704
:Thanks for sharing your story.
705
:Thanks so much for digging into this
with me, and I really enjoyed not only
706
:the vulnerable conversation that both
you and I had, but the important aspect
707
:of it is, it isn't just about us.
708
:It's about all those that need to hear
this today, so thank you for that.
709
:Mike: A hundred percent.
710
:Thanks for having me on, man.
711
:I received those words.
712
:Thank you.
713
:Joshua: Again, I want to thank Mike
so much for being part of the show,
714
:sharing what has been involved with
his story, digging really deep with me,
715
:especially with this conversation about
men's mental health especially, and
716
:being able to create that school for us
to learn why it's so important to keep
717
:on having the conversation, engaging
with that conversation through all the
718
:different mediums that he has available.
719
:I highly encourage you
to reach out to him.
720
:Check out his YouTube that he has as
well, even check out his website, because
721
:I think you're going to find that what
we're involved in with all these different
722
:opportunities for men comes from the
heart, and that's why I have this show.
723
:That's why I love having
people like Mike on.
724
:It really digs deep into the importance
of how we connect with each other, but
725
:we have to learn that it doesn't mean
that we just take one piece of advice,
726
:walk away with it, thinking that we got
everything that we ever wanted to get out
727
:of it, and leaving it be for what it was.
728
:The heart for us has to come alive
from the things that really embody
729
:our freedom, our expression of doing
that, our ability to speak out loud,
730
:knowing that we're going to be able
to help people in a variety of ways.
731
:Now, for me, I know that we have so many
people on this show that have shared
732
:that perspective, they have dug deep
with us, and normally we're hearing from
733
:coaches, we're hearing from people that
have found that calling, surrounding
734
:themselves, helping to push that forward,
my story included, but the thing is
735
:is that with doing this, having that
connection, having that creativity, to
736
:be able to learn from these kinds of
stories, we can easily see parallels,
737
:connections with what other people are
going through, regardless of any industry.
738
:I think what happens when you're crippled
by what you have gone through means
739
:that you have to learn to dig deep, and
sometimes digging deep isn't the same
740
:for everybody, and I've continuously have
said on this show about the importance
741
:of respecting all different viewpoints.
742
:It doesn't matter if you're religious.
743
:It doesn't matter if you
believe in something else.
744
:You could believe in pigs, and
worship the almighty pig god, for
745
:all I care, but being able to learn
how to love is something that we have
746
:to find within our own personality.
747
:We all have different love languages as
the author Gary Chapman with his Five Love
748
:Languages book series even talk about.
749
:It's about how we can connect with
others, whether it's within ourselves
750
:or with others, but walking alongside
of people, being able to learn how to
751
:create that engagement, that context,
especially when it comes to men
752
:in Mike's case, is what makes this
really a fascinating story for me.
753
:I think we have to also learn to create
an opportunity not only for making up
754
:for all the ways in which we have these
paths, but ultimately how we cross those
755
:paths, ultimately help us to show the
clarity and direction of where we need
756
:to follow in our heart, especially when
we're working with people that need that
757
:help to figure it out for themselves.
758
:I know for many men, our hearts
have been broken one way or another.
759
:Whether it has been a poor upbringing,
whether we've been told not to share
760
:what our feelings are, maybe it's even
to navigate the things that are occurring
761
:without much guidance, because we're
supposed to figure it out, knowing that
762
:we are supposed to be strong overall,
and I know that can be very easy to
763
:say, but very challenging in itself.
764
:How you do those things means that you
have to have a good set of morals, ethics,
765
:code of values, which, especially in this
fatherless epidemic that we have, is not
766
:very easy to do, and unfortunately, is
not very much talked about in today's
767
:culture, especially in the United
States, so how do we become a true man?
768
:I think Mike really started to dig
into some of these areas, and I know
769
:if I had more time with him today,
he would have dug even more, but I
770
:encourage you, listen to this podcast.
771
:I think you might get something out of it.
772
:Especially when it comes to helping
these types of individuals, especially
773
:those that have been hiding for
so long because they don't know
774
:how to quite express it, because
they've been told not to express it.
775
:What keeps you going?
776
:What helps you in terms of what you
need, so that you can keep going?
777
:Who will help you to keep going?
778
:Even those five W's that I started to
even ask in this line of questioning
779
:could help you, and help someone
that is struggling with this, become
780
:better, but I have to be real.
781
:You have to be curious about what the
world is around you, especially if you're
782
:hurt, you're wounded, you're traumatized.
783
:You have to be curious about what
if I am able to work on myself.
784
:What if I'm able to change the story
that I have going on right now?
785
:What if I can speculate how I can follow
somebody, anybody for that matter, that
786
:will help me to become somebody that I
always admired, always wanted to have the
787
:respect for, and more importantly, how I
can move myself into a positive direction?
788
:Those are the things that I believe in
my own definition would help me become
789
:a true man myself, but I have to be
comfortable first to be able to do that.
790
:I have to admit.
791
:Mike's conversation really strikes
at me with the iron that is very hot,
792
:and the reason why is that even my
own dad, the relationship that I have
793
:with him, the relationship I wish
I had with him, never materialized.
794
:Growing up, we just didn't see eye to
eye, and I don't know if that means
795
:that I'm a terrible son, or that I have
to do better when it comes to being
796
:able to associate with my own parents.
797
:I don't know if that means I'm
inadequate, because I don't have some
798
:of the skills that he wanted me to
have, or even enjoying what I should be
799
:doing in my life, because I know that
I should be doing more, and I'm not
800
:doing what he thought I would be doing.
801
:I wasn't comfortable with myself.
802
:I didn't love who I was.
803
:I didn't love even my own country, and
I'm not talking about the United States.
804
:I'm talking about the country
that I am building for myself.
805
:Who's going to be running it?
806
:Who's going to be part of my cabinet?
807
:Who's going to help me making sure
that policies, procedures are followed?
808
:Who's going to make sure the finances, the
legal aspects of this, are under control?
809
:Sometimes we're just walking through life,
right knuckling it, hoping, throwing up
810
:a prayer, and making sure that we just
cover our asses, especially when it
811
:comes to the things that might happen
or might not happen in this world, even
812
:if we think we're doing the right thing.
813
:I don't know about you, and I don't
know about what your journey is, and
814
:that's why I've even said from the very
beginning of this podcast that it's
815
:about exploring what is on your heart,
and even in episode 100, going all the
816
:way back to earlier this year when I
celebrated that milestone with you, it
817
:was about understanding how we can answer
that question even more effectively.
818
:Sometimes we don't know what that
answer is, even if we try to work
819
:with people like Mike to figure out
through this 60,000 miles of blood
820
:vessels that we have inside of our
bodies, how we can be better mentors,
821
:how we can be better communicators,
especially in the relationships that
822
:we have, either with men or women,
depending on who you are today.
823
:The picture is not the same, and if I were
to tell you today this is what you need
824
:to do, I would be doing you the biggest
injustice ever, and people that tell
825
:you that you should be doing something
a certain way, do not understand,
826
:or have your best interests in mind.
827
:You have to take it with a grain of salt.
828
:You have to also respect your
body, which is a temple in itself.
829
:When you start to violate your own
temple, that is what makes this so hard,
830
:and for me and my dad, getting back to
the subject that I was starting to go
831
:down on, I realize, why, oh why it's
so hard for me to associate with him,
832
:so today, this message is for my dad.
833
:I love you, dad, and I'm sorry that
I hurt you, and I'm sorry that we've
834
:never been able to really see eye to
eye, and I hope that one day, even when
835
:you're still here, you can forgive me,
but at the same time, I hope that you
836
:understand why I made the choices I
did, and you can respect me as well.
837
:Holding that men's retreat is something
that I really want to have with my dad.
838
:Being able to have that heart to heart
in which we open up and we're able to
839
:share our identity, our perspective.
840
:I think that's what Mike
really wanted me to do today.
841
:I think that's what he wants us all to
do today, regardless of the kinds of
842
:relationships that we're in, because
if we're broken in our hearts, of
843
:course we're going to be shut down.
844
:Of course we're not going to
see the different perspectives
845
:that we have available.
846
:Of course we're not going
to make any changes.
847
:Of course we're not going to follow
what we should be following, because
848
:regardless of any kind of advice, self
help books, podcasts, anything that you
849
:might even engage in with conversation
with others, you have to realize that
850
:your heart, your mind, your body,
your soul, all have to open up to
851
:speculate on the question of, "What if?"
852
:I know that this can be a very challenging
subject, and even for me today, this
853
:is so hard for me to open up about my
dad, the relationship that I always
854
:really wanted, and I didn't really get
to have, but I have to tell you, for my
855
:fellow listeners listening to this today,
you have to love your country, and I'm
856
:talking about you, not the United States,
not where you live across the world.
857
:I'm talking about how you can love your
own country, how you can create those
858
:resources for yourself, how you can be
comfortable with you, but also letting
859
:go of the pain that your heart has, and
stop letting it be broken down the road.
860
:You are respected, and by respect, you
have to create a context, an image in
861
:your mind of, what this will look like
down the road, knowing that you have
862
:all the abilities, all the respect,
all the wisdom to be able to overcome.
863
:It just starts with a mind shift.
864
:It starts with knowing that it's
okay to open up, my male friends, to
865
:the possibility of actually having
something that is on your heart, and
866
:being able to share it once and for all.
867
:If you need help with
that, reach out to me.
868
:Reach out to Mike.
869
:Reach out to whoever you trust with
that kind of conversation, because when
870
:you start to have that, when you start
to engage with that, when you start to
871
:figure out what ultimately will happen
in your life because you had that tough
872
:conversation, I guarantee you, just
like I'm going to have with my dad.
873
:You're going to see a different
perspective because you became curious
874
:on the question of what if, and now you
see the possibilities after answering
875
:that question, of what you've created.
876
:That creation is something
really beautiful in itself.
877
:Thanks for listening to episode
number 152 of Speaking from the
878
:Heart, and I look forward to
hearing from your heart, very soon.
879
:Outro: Thanks for listening.
880
:For more information about our podcast
and future shows, search for Speaking From
881
:The Heart to subscribe and be notified
wherever you listen to your podcasts.
882
:Visit us at www.yourspeakingvoice.biz
for more information about potential
883
:services that can help you create
the best version of yourself.
884
:See you next time.
