Shownotes
Grief isn't just an emotion — it's a full-body experience. In this episode, Dr. Kelsy Vick (board-certified Doctor of Physical Therapy and pelvic floor specialist) breaks down what's actually happening in your brain and body when you're grieving — and why that chest tightness, exhaustion, and brain fog are real physiological responses, not weakness.
We cover the neuroscience of grief (what happens in your amygdala, prefrontal cortex, and reward circuitry), how grief impacts your immune system and hormones, why grief disrupts your sleep more than you realize, and the surprising overlap between Western neuroscience and Traditional Chinese Medicine's ancient understanding of grief living in the lungs.
In this episode:
- What grief actually does to your brain (the neuroscience)
- Why grief feels like physical pain in your chest
- The immune and hormonal impact of grief on your body
- Why grief disrupts your sleep — and why that matters
- What Traditional Chinese Medicine has known about grief for thousands of years
- Evidence-based, gentle things that actually help
If this episode resonated with you, I'd love for you to leave a review — it helps another woman who needs to find this podcast.
96:: The overnight system In charge of cleaning your brain (& how to stop getting in its way!)
Fr. Mike Episodes:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/sunday-homilies-with-fr-mike-schmitz/id273537688
https://open.spotify.com/show/1CK5AHgLneCo2sE17UOfdV
loving the pod? click the follow button, & we'd love if you could leave a review! thank you x 1000 :)
sign up for the free Smart Girl Newspaper!
insta:: @dr.kelsyvickdpt & @wellnessbigsispod
youtube:: @dr.kelsyvickdpt
tiktok:: @dr.kelsyvickdpt & @wellnessbigsispod
Sources:
Statharakos, N. (2025). Unraveling the Neurobiology of Grief: Insights into Brain and Behavior — Narrative Review. Brain Science Advances. https://doi.org/10.26599/BSA.2025.905001
Systematic review of neuroimaging studies in grief and bereavement (2025). ScienceDirect. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0149763425005366
Knowles, L., O'Connor, M.F., & Ruiz, J. (2019). Bereavement and immune function — review of 41 years of research. Psychosomatic Medicine. https://news.arizona.edu/news/four-questions-how-grief-affects-immune-system
Seiler, A. et al. (2020). The Psychobiology of Bereavement and Health. UCLA Stress Lab / Frontiers. https://www.uclastresslab.org/pubs/Seiler_Frontiers_2020.pdf
University of Utah Health (2024). The Physical Domain of Grief. https://healthcare.utah.edu/the-scope/womens-7/all/2024/03/e45-physical-domain-of-grief
MDVIP — How Grief Can Affect Our Health. https://www.mdvip.com/patients/resources/how-grief-affects-our-health-and-how-manage-it
Sleep disturbances in bereavement: A systematic review (2020). ScienceDirect. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1087079220300745
De Lang, T.A. et al. (2024). Trajectories of insomnia following bereavement. Sleep Medicine, 114, 159-166.
O'Connor, M.F. — Sleep Troubles May Complicate the Grieving Process. University of Arizona. https://news.arizona.edu/node/23963
Blue Note Psychotherapy (2026). Grief, Trauma, and REM Sleep: How the Brain Processes Emotional Pain During Sleep. https://www.bluenotepsychotherapy.com/blog-1-1/when-grief-disrupts-sleep-and-why-that-matters-for-healing
Williams, J. et al. (2021). Can Physical Activity Support Grief Outcomes in Individuals Who Have Been Bereaved? A Systematic Review. Sports Medicine — Open. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8028581/
Leong, J., Tan, L.L., & Goh, C.C. (2025). Profound Grief and Pulmonary Fibrosis — A Case Report. BJPsych Open. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC12260628/
Giovanni Maciocia (2021). Stagnation of Lung-Qi and Heart-Qi in Chinese Medicine. https://giovanni-maciocia.com/on-stagnation-of-lung-and-heart-qi/
Encircle Acupuncture (2026). The Emotions and Traditional Chinese Medicine. https://encircleacupuncture.com/blog/emotions-and-tcm
Kara Acupuncture and Wellness (2025). The Metal Element in Traditional Chinese Medicine. http://www.aculaura.com/blog/2024/10/4/the-metal-element-in-traditional-chinese-medicine-what-it-means-to-you
Meine TCM (2025). Understanding Grief with Chinese Medicine: Lung and Letting Go. https://www.meine-tcm.com/en/mourning-in-chinese-medicine/
Transcripts
Welcome to Wellness Fixes the Pod, a
by Maven Media production, where we
2
00:00:04,888 --> 00:00:09,207
believe you deserve real education
from real experts, delivered
3
00:00:09,217 --> 00:00:11,127
in a way you can actually use.
4
00:00:11,208 --> 00:00:11,617
I'm Dr.
5
00:00:11,617 --> 00:00:15,607
Kelsey Vick, your board-certified
orthopedic doctor of physical therapy, and
6
00:00:15,607 --> 00:00:19,897
this podcast was built for the girl who
is done feeling overwhelmed and frustrated
7
00:00:19,918 --> 00:00:24,257
by conflicting health noise and is ready
for something she can actually trust.
8
00:00:24,387 --> 00:00:28,087
Every week, we have honest, science-backed
conversations about your health,
9
00:00:28,148 --> 00:00:31,787
your hormones, your brain, your
body, and everything in between.
10
00:00:32,118 --> 00:00:34,977
No fluff, no fear-mongering,
just the truth.
11
00:00:35,008 --> 00:00:38,208
Because understanding your
body is the most powerful
12
00:00:38,238 --> 00:00:39,807
thing you can do for yourself.
13
00:00:40,348 --> 00:00:43,837
A table full of experts built for
the curious girl who wants the truth.
14
00:00:43,918 --> 00:00:44,568
So welcome.
15
00:00:44,648 --> 00:00:46,088
Your seat is waiting for you.
16
00:00:49,632 --> 00:00:50,492
It's not weakness.
17
00:00:50,522 --> 00:00:52,062
It's not that your body can't cope.
18
00:00:52,162 --> 00:00:55,602
It's your nervous system doing
exactly what it was designed to do.
19
00:00:55,992 --> 00:00:57,972
So no, grief isn't just an emotion.
20
00:00:57,982 --> 00:00:59,442
It's not just sadness.
21
00:00:59,762 --> 00:01:03,522
It's your entire nervous system
reorganizing around the loss
22
00:01:03,532 --> 00:01:04,872
that you just experienced.
23
00:01:05,001 --> 00:01:08,852
Anger lives in the liver, fear lives
in the kidneys, joy lives in the
24
00:01:08,852 --> 00:01:10,662
heart, and grief lives in the lungs.
25
00:01:11,112 --> 00:01:14,392
The heaviness in your chest, the
shallow breathing, the labored
26
00:01:14,412 --> 00:01:18,692
breathing at rest, but also a little
bit harder during exercise, the sigh,
27
00:01:18,782 --> 00:01:22,902
the way that a wave of grief can
physically take your breath away.
28
00:01:23,142 --> 00:01:28,521
Grief is like a rock in your pocket, and
you wonder if that grief is ever gonna go
29
00:01:28,521 --> 00:01:31,282
away or that sensation is ever going away.
30
00:01:31,562 --> 00:01:34,262
And what happens is you just
get stronger dealing with it.
31
00:01:34,412 --> 00:01:38,442
Grief elevates stress hormones,
suppresses the immune system,
32
00:01:38,692 --> 00:01:42,642
drives systemic inflammation, and
disrupts your hormonal regulation.
33
00:01:42,782 --> 00:01:46,142
This is the biology underneath
the instinct to be with people
34
00:01:46,142 --> 00:01:47,412
when you're experiencing grief.
35
00:01:47,782 --> 00:01:51,472
You're not just seeking comfort,
you're likely regulating your nervous
36
00:01:51,482 --> 00:01:56,602
system with these oxytocin-inducing
activities and interactions.
37
00:01:57,062 --> 00:02:02,072
Joy shared is joy multiplied, and
grief shared is grief divided.
38
00:02:05,804 --> 00:02:09,274
You know that feeling where everything
on the outside looks the same?
39
00:02:09,603 --> 00:02:13,214
You're showing up to work, you're
hanging out with your friends, you're
40
00:02:13,214 --> 00:02:15,084
trying to show up as your normal self.
41
00:02:15,454 --> 00:02:19,994
When in reality, underneath it all is this
heavy weight, this missing piece of you
42
00:02:20,064 --> 00:02:23,264
as you go through this process of grief
43
00:02:23,564 --> 00:02:24,954
it's not necessarily weakness.
44
00:02:24,974 --> 00:02:26,554
It's not that your body can't cope.
45
00:02:26,624 --> 00:02:30,103
It's your nervous system doing
exactly what it was designed to do
46
00:02:30,404 --> 00:02:31,954
Welcome back to Wellness Fixes the Pod.
47
00:02:31,974 --> 00:02:32,694
I'm your host, Dr.
48
00:02:32,694 --> 00:02:35,514
Kelsey Vick, a board-certified
orthopedic doctor of physical therapy
49
00:02:35,514 --> 00:02:37,324
and a pelvic floor physical therapist.
50
00:02:37,624 --> 00:02:42,024
And to be completely honest with you
guys, you know a lot of my episodes
51
00:02:42,024 --> 00:02:46,353
are inspired by conversations or
events happening in my own life.
52
00:02:46,404 --> 00:02:51,514
And right now, I'm currently going
through my own grief journey as
53
00:02:51,524 --> 00:02:55,414
someone very close, very special
to me has recently passed away.
54
00:02:55,714 --> 00:02:59,534
And I know a lot of us have experienced
grief, and it's not something that
55
00:02:59,534 --> 00:03:04,274
we really like to talk about, but
I was very curious on the science
56
00:03:04,274 --> 00:03:07,164
of it all, the neuroscience of it
all, how it shows up physically.
57
00:03:07,514 --> 00:03:08,454
We had Dr.
58
00:03:08,454 --> 00:03:13,274
Felice Chan on the podcast back almost
a year ago, and she actually posted
59
00:03:13,274 --> 00:03:17,804
something on social media that sort
of pushed me to do this episode, and
60
00:03:17,814 --> 00:03:23,174
she was talking about the traditional
Chinese medicine approach to grief
61
00:03:23,204 --> 00:03:24,353
and where you actually feel that.
62
00:03:24,364 --> 00:03:28,614
And as I have been going through
this grief journey, I've been feeling
63
00:03:28,614 --> 00:03:32,894
it show up in my body in certain
places, and her post on social media
64
00:03:32,914 --> 00:03:36,543
really put words to the sensations
that I was feeling in my own body.
65
00:03:36,543 --> 00:03:39,974
So today, we're gonna dive into grief,
the neuroscience behind grief, how our
66
00:03:39,974 --> 00:03:45,124
bodies actually handle it from more
my realm of expertise and the Western
67
00:03:45,134 --> 00:03:49,274
medicine approach, but then also the
Eastern medicine approach, the traditional
68
00:03:49,274 --> 00:03:50,784
Chinese medicine approach that Dr.
69
00:03:50,784 --> 00:03:52,224
Felice Chan introduced me to.
70
00:03:52,534 --> 00:03:57,324
And we'll also cover a little bit
of the faith aspect because I've
71
00:03:57,404 --> 00:04:00,684
realized that I have so much hope in
72
00:04:00,984 --> 00:04:05,154
something bigger than myself, that
this person who I am dearly missing is
73
00:04:05,454 --> 00:04:10,744
somewhere even better than here, and That
gives me a lot of peace despite the grief.
74
00:04:10,744 --> 00:04:14,654
So we will cover all of that,
and if you guys are going through
75
00:04:14,654 --> 00:04:17,574
your own grief journey, just know
that I am right there with you.
76
00:04:17,874 --> 00:04:21,303
I know we have all probably gone
through some sort of grief in
77
00:04:21,303 --> 00:04:25,044
our lives, and I wanted to cover
this episode as I am currently
78
00:04:25,044 --> 00:04:27,064
going through that in my own life
79
00:04:27,364 --> 00:04:31,024
So most of us have been taught to think
of grief as an emotional experience
80
00:04:31,024 --> 00:04:33,734
that happens to have some
physical side effects
81
00:04:34,034 --> 00:04:36,904
Maybe trouble sleeping,
maybe losing your appetite
82
00:04:37,204 --> 00:04:40,704
But the research actually tells a more
complete and validating story than that
83
00:04:40,854 --> 00:04:45,433
A 2025 review that was published
synthesized a lot of peer-reviewed
84
00:04:45,454 --> 00:04:47,706
research on the neurobiology of grief
85
00:04:48,006 --> 00:04:51,196
And they found that grief was not
only a psychological phenomenon
86
00:04:51,496 --> 00:04:55,846
But it involves distinct neurological
processing that affects our emotional
87
00:04:55,846 --> 00:05:00,946
regulation, our ability to executive
plan and make those higher level
88
00:05:00,946 --> 00:05:05,276
decisions and it also affects
our ability to regulate stress
89
00:05:05,576 --> 00:05:07,546
When we are experiencing grief
90
00:05:07,846 --> 00:05:11,396
neural alterations are observed
in key brain areas associated
91
00:05:11,396 --> 00:05:12,926
with emotional processing
92
00:05:12,926 --> 00:05:16,566
memory, and attachment, including
the amygdala, hippocampus,
93
00:05:16,866 --> 00:05:18,416
and the prefrontal cortex
94
00:05:18,716 --> 00:05:20,836
They found that grief
actually changes your brain
95
00:05:21,136 --> 00:05:25,546
The amygdala or your brain's threat
detection center goes into overdrive
96
00:05:25,846 --> 00:05:30,266
The prefrontal cortex involved
in those higher level decisions
97
00:05:30,566 --> 00:05:34,896
rational thought and emotional
regulation is functionally impaired.
98
00:05:35,196 --> 00:05:38,286
This is sometimes why decisions
feel impossible during grief
99
00:05:38,586 --> 00:05:44,356
and why emotional reactions might
feel way extreme compared to how you
100
00:05:44,356 --> 00:05:45,886
would normally respond to something.
101
00:05:46,186 --> 00:05:49,016
It can also help explain why
concentrating is so hard.
102
00:05:49,316 --> 00:05:52,736
It's not that you're falling apart,
it's just that your brain is genuinely
103
00:05:52,776 --> 00:05:54,506
reorganized around the absence
104
00:05:54,806 --> 00:05:58,156
A systematic review of neuroimaging
studies published in twenty twenty-five
105
00:05:58,536 --> 00:06:02,546
examining the neural correlates of
bereavement found consistent disruptions
106
00:06:02,566 --> 00:06:07,966
in emotion regulation, reward processing,
and cognitive control networks with
107
00:06:07,966 --> 00:06:12,036
heightened neural reactivity to
grief-related stimuli, particularly
108
00:06:12,046 --> 00:06:15,316
in and the anterior cingulate cortex
109
00:06:15,616 --> 00:06:19,546
I wanna zone in a little bit on the
reward processing part of that study
110
00:06:19,846 --> 00:06:24,586
Because it likely explains something
that you yourself have experienced during
111
00:06:24,626 --> 00:06:27,696
grief and can't quite put a name to
112
00:06:27,996 --> 00:06:32,086
The way grief affects our reward
processing presents itself in our
113
00:06:32,086 --> 00:06:36,696
lives in that activities or social
interactions that we used to previously
114
00:06:36,696 --> 00:06:41,586
enjoy, hobbies that we used to previously
enjoy don't feel as fulfilling anymore
115
00:06:41,886 --> 00:06:46,756
different foods, socializing and
activities register as slightly flat
116
00:06:47,056 --> 00:06:50,126
That's just your reward
network being disrupted by loss
117
00:06:50,426 --> 00:06:52,466
So no, grief isn't just an emotion.
118
00:06:52,466 --> 00:06:57,446
It's not just sadness It's your entire
nervous system reorganizing around
119
00:06:57,476 --> 00:06:59,336
the loss that you just experienced
120
00:06:59,636 --> 00:07:01,896
Your brain's threat
center is on high alert
121
00:07:02,196 --> 00:07:06,826
The part of your brain that handles
rationality and decision-making is
122
00:07:07,226 --> 00:07:09,686
relatively offline compared to your normal
123
00:07:09,986 --> 00:07:13,866
And the system that processes
reward and pleasure is disrupted
124
00:07:14,166 --> 00:07:15,386
You're not falling apart
125
00:07:15,686 --> 00:07:19,156
You're doing one of the most
neurobiologically demanding things your
126
00:07:19,156 --> 00:07:23,696
brain is ever required to do Now that's
more of the Western medicine lens.
127
00:07:23,996 --> 00:07:29,376
Let's dive into the traditional Chinese
medicine lens and what I learned from Dr.
128
00:07:29,376 --> 00:07:30,156
Felice Chan
129
00:07:30,456 --> 00:07:34,146
Our Western neuroscience and research
has spent the last decades trying
130
00:07:34,146 --> 00:07:38,066
to understand the brain and test
and measure, and a lot of their
131
00:07:38,066 --> 00:07:42,656
findings have correlated with some
of what Eastern medicine has just
132
00:07:42,926 --> 00:07:44,856
been practicing for years and years
133
00:07:45,156 --> 00:07:49,016
Western neuroscience has found chest
heaviness, difficulty breathing
134
00:07:49,016 --> 00:07:52,293
this overall contracted feeling
within your body And traditional
135
00:07:52,293 --> 00:07:58,193
Chinese medicine has understood all
of these responses centuries ago
136
00:07:58,493 --> 00:08:01,923
Not necessarily with brain imaging,
But just with understanding and
137
00:08:01,923 --> 00:08:06,113
observation And having a holistic
view on how the body and emotions
138
00:08:06,353 --> 00:08:08,303
are not two separate systems, but one
139
00:08:08,603 --> 00:08:09,033
So Dr.
140
00:08:09,033 --> 00:08:15,603
Felice Chan had posted about grief
being a sensation felt in the lungs,
141
00:08:15,603 --> 00:08:20,373
where if you're having difficulty with
breathing or chest heaviness, a lot
142
00:08:20,373 --> 00:08:21,953
of the time that's where grief lies.
143
00:08:21,953 --> 00:08:26,763
And it really resonated with me because as
I've been experiencing this, I know that I
144
00:08:26,763 --> 00:08:30,933
feel that heaviness, that pressure within
my lungs, that difficulty breathing,
145
00:08:31,213 --> 00:08:35,543
shallow breathing, labored breathing,
exercise feels a little bit harder.
146
00:08:35,793 --> 00:08:39,263
And so her post really resonated with
me, and I wanted to dive into some of the
147
00:08:39,563 --> 00:08:41,663
more science-based research behind it.
148
00:08:41,673 --> 00:08:43,863
So this is not my expertise.
149
00:08:44,082 --> 00:08:45,983
This is something I have learned from Dr.
150
00:08:45,983 --> 00:08:50,603
Felice Chan and then had wanted to
dive into a little bit more on the
151
00:08:50,623 --> 00:08:52,913
traditional Chinese medicine side of grief
152
00:08:53,213 --> 00:08:58,443
So in TCM, every emotion is associated
with a specific organ system.
153
00:08:58,443 --> 00:09:02,243
Anger lives in the liver, fear lives
in the kidneys, Joy lives in the
154
00:09:02,253 --> 00:09:04,253
heart and grief lives in the lungs
155
00:09:04,553 --> 00:09:08,423
Grief is associated with the lungs
and what they call the metal element.
156
00:09:08,723 --> 00:09:12,143
The lungs are the body's first line
of defense against the outside world,
157
00:09:12,423 --> 00:09:16,503
responsible for circulating qi or
vital energy throughout the body.
158
00:09:16,873 --> 00:09:21,323
When we experience loss or sadness,
the lung energy naturally contracts.
159
00:09:21,593 --> 00:09:25,983
When grief lingers or goes unexpressed, it
can weaken the lungs and lead to fatigue,
160
00:09:26,283 --> 00:09:28,223
low immunity, or shallow breathing
161
00:09:28,523 --> 00:09:34,233
I pulled that from a blog on emotions
and TCM from Encircle Acupuncture.
162
00:09:34,243 --> 00:09:39,453
But if we think about that for a moment
and think about what grief actually
163
00:09:39,453 --> 00:09:42,193
feels like in your body, in my body
164
00:09:42,493 --> 00:09:45,793
The heaviness in your chest, the
shallow breathing, the labored
165
00:09:45,803 --> 00:09:49,033
breathing at rest, but also a
little bit harder during exercise
166
00:09:49,333 --> 00:09:53,923
The sigh, the way that a wave of grief
can physically take your breath away
167
00:09:54,610 --> 00:09:57,870
Traditional Chinese medicine just
named that lung grief connection
168
00:09:58,220 --> 00:10:01,140
centuries before we had imaging machines
169
00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:03,610
And the Western research on griefs
170
00:10:05,014 --> 00:10:09,184
physiological effects on breathing
and immunity and chest heaviness
171
00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:14,674
mirrors a lot of the things that TCM
has taught for millennia and millennia
172
00:10:14,974 --> 00:10:18,684
This is what I think is really
cool, is that there are multiple
173
00:10:18,684 --> 00:10:23,114
pathways to the same result where
we are seeing some of these things
174
00:10:23,144 --> 00:10:26,434
on imaging studies and utilizing
175
00:10:26,734 --> 00:10:30,384
highly controlled ways of researching
the brain and grief and emotions.
176
00:10:30,694 --> 00:10:36,274
And TCM has been practiced for
thousands of years and has noted some
177
00:10:36,274 --> 00:10:38,944
of the changes that Western medicine
is now seeing in their research.
178
00:10:38,944 --> 00:10:42,184
So I like that we're able to come
to the same conclusion from maybe
179
00:10:42,184 --> 00:10:43,694
two separate lenses of thinking.
180
00:10:43,994 --> 00:10:49,454
So here's another little summary from a
article called Understanding Grief with
181
00:10:49,514 --> 00:10:51,544
Chinese Medicine: Lung and Letting Go.
182
00:10:51,764 --> 00:10:56,774
And I'll leave all of the links to all
of these resources in the show notes
183
00:10:56,774 --> 00:11:00,464
below if you wanna take a look, both the
more Western medicine research and the
184
00:11:00,464 --> 00:11:05,544
TCM blogs and articles and research that
I'm getting some of these excerpts from.
185
00:11:05,844 --> 00:11:09,334
In Chinese medicine, grief is assigned
to the metal element, which stands for
186
00:11:09,344 --> 00:11:11,244
structure, clarity, and letting go.
187
00:11:11,544 --> 00:11:15,144
The lung is described as the organ of
exchange, of farewell, and of dignity.
188
00:11:15,494 --> 00:11:18,904
It receives what is fresh and
gives back what has been used up.
189
00:11:19,204 --> 00:11:23,324
Grief belongs to the lungs because it
is one of the few emotions that does not
190
00:11:23,334 --> 00:11:25,974
discharge outwardly, but sinks inward.
191
00:11:26,274 --> 00:11:27,544
Grief contracts qi.
192
00:11:27,844 --> 00:11:29,774
It slows, constricts, holds.
193
00:11:29,924 --> 00:11:32,814
And when grief cannot be
felt or expressed, when it is
194
00:11:32,864 --> 00:11:36,494
suppressed, rationalized, or
pushed through, TCM describes
195
00:11:36,494 --> 00:11:38,914
this as stagnation of the lung qi
196
00:11:39,214 --> 00:11:42,914
It might include a feeling of a lump
in the throat, difficulty swallowing,
197
00:11:43,094 --> 00:11:46,974
a feeling of oppression or distension
in the chest, slight breathlessness,
198
00:11:46,974 --> 00:11:49,184
sighing, sadness, and a depressed mood
199
00:11:49,484 --> 00:11:52,994
And although this isn't my expertise
and I'm getting all of this from people
200
00:11:52,994 --> 00:11:57,854
who are, I think it's just this really
validating experience going through my
201
00:11:57,854 --> 00:12:01,464
own grief journey that there are things
happening within my brain and there
202
00:12:01,484 --> 00:12:04,954
are things happening within my body, no
matter the lens that I look at it with.
203
00:12:04,984 --> 00:12:09,484
And sometimes I can just have better
language to explain what I'm going through
204
00:12:09,484 --> 00:12:11,694
if I look at these two separate lenses
205
00:12:11,994 --> 00:12:13,624
And having TCM and Dr.
206
00:12:13,624 --> 00:12:17,184
Felice Chan make that connection between
grief and the lungs really helped
207
00:12:17,184 --> 00:12:21,656
validating my own physicality of where I'm
feeling that grief experience in my chest
208
00:12:21,956 --> 00:12:25,586
A 2025 case report published in a
peer-reviewed psychiatry journal
209
00:12:25,606 --> 00:12:30,066
explored the relationship between
profound grief and pulmonary function
210
00:12:30,366 --> 00:12:34,996
Noting that TCM describes correlations
between mental states and physical
211
00:12:35,006 --> 00:12:39,156
organs, specifically identifying grief
and sadness as correlated to the lung,
212
00:12:39,476 --> 00:12:43,836
and that TCM informs that psychological
issues can manifest as physiological
213
00:12:43,836 --> 00:12:45,846
dysfunction in the related organs.
214
00:12:46,146 --> 00:12:50,896
Here's one of the things that I also love
the most about the TCM approach to grief
215
00:12:51,196 --> 00:12:51,816
And something Dr.
216
00:12:51,816 --> 00:12:54,746
Felice Chan touched on in
her episode almost a year ago
217
00:12:55,046 --> 00:12:57,676
Western medicine tends to
ask, how do we resolve grief?
218
00:12:57,976 --> 00:12:59,846
move through it and get to the other side
219
00:13:00,146 --> 00:13:03,676
TCM asks, "What do you need
to be able to breathe again?
220
00:13:03,686 --> 00:13:06,706
If you truly have this stagnation
in your body, what can we do
221
00:13:06,706 --> 00:13:08,136
to help that flow resume?"
222
00:13:08,436 --> 00:13:10,796
We're not necessarily
trying to get rid of grief
223
00:13:11,096 --> 00:13:14,526
We're trying to restore that flow and
give that lung qi somewhere to move
224
00:13:14,826 --> 00:13:17,286
So how does TCM approach
treatment for grief?
225
00:13:17,586 --> 00:13:22,036
They view breathing as medicine,
which as a PT and especially a
226
00:13:22,036 --> 00:13:24,136
pelvic floor PT, this is huge.
227
00:13:24,156 --> 00:13:28,256
I also view breathing as medicine
and a lot of other things, but
228
00:13:28,476 --> 00:13:30,446
they view breathing as medicine
229
00:13:30,746 --> 00:13:32,736
practices that promote healthy breathing
230
00:13:33,036 --> 00:13:35,596
are considered essential
for the processing of grief
231
00:13:35,896 --> 00:13:41,236
Deep breathing and meditation can help
improve lung capacity improve qi flow
232
00:13:41,536 --> 00:13:43,846
and release emotional stress
233
00:13:44,146 --> 00:13:47,276
On the Western medicine side of
things, diaphragmatic breathing,
234
00:13:47,326 --> 00:13:52,806
that really deep 360 degree umbrella
breath, that full exhale has also
235
00:13:52,806 --> 00:13:57,216
been shown to be one of the best ways
to tap into that parasympathetic,
236
00:13:57,216 --> 00:13:59,766
that rest, digest vagal tone
237
00:14:00,066 --> 00:14:04,866
I'm picturing that handshake emoji
where it's like TCM and Western
238
00:14:04,866 --> 00:14:08,146
medicine just like handshaking
saying, "We both got this."
239
00:14:08,446 --> 00:14:09,706
TCM also
240
00:14:10,006 --> 00:14:13,516
Heavily use-- heavily utilizes
fuel as medicine, specifically
241
00:14:13,586 --> 00:14:16,146
warming foods and nourishment
242
00:14:16,446 --> 00:14:22,476
In TCM, certain foods are found
specifically beneficial for grief
243
00:14:22,776 --> 00:14:26,966
White-colored foods, pears, radishes,
daikon align with the metal element
244
00:14:26,966 --> 00:14:28,596
and help nourish lung function.
245
00:14:28,946 --> 00:14:33,276
Staying well-hydrated with warm
fluids like herbal teas and soups
246
00:14:33,276 --> 00:14:37,286
is also recommended as the metal
element is associated with dryness
247
00:14:37,586 --> 00:14:41,026
Perhaps the most important thing
TCM offers around grief isn't
248
00:14:41,026 --> 00:14:43,296
an herb or an acupuncture point.
249
00:14:43,316 --> 00:14:47,256
It's more of a permission structure
The metal element's lesson is in
250
00:14:47,256 --> 00:14:51,766
letting go But you can't let go of
something unless you've fully held it
251
00:14:52,066 --> 00:14:53,806
TCM doesn't rush grief.
252
00:14:53,956 --> 00:14:56,306
It asks the body to breathe through it
253
00:14:56,606 --> 00:15:00,436
And in a culture that is deeply
uncomfortable with sitting in that loss
254
00:15:00,736 --> 00:15:07,626
That permission of allowing it to just be
might be one of the best treatments for
255
00:15:07,656 --> 00:15:09,396
those of us who are experiencing grief
256
00:15:09,696 --> 00:15:13,826
One of my favorite quotes, and I
forget where I read it, it's almost
257
00:15:13,836 --> 00:15:18,636
seems like a Winnie-the-Pooh quote,
but it talks about how grief is like
258
00:15:18,646 --> 00:15:23,626
a rock in your pocket, and you wonder
if that grief is ever gonna go away
259
00:15:23,646 --> 00:15:25,876
or that sensation is ever going away.
260
00:15:26,176 --> 00:15:28,896
And what happens is you just
get stronger dealing with it.
261
00:15:28,906 --> 00:15:34,356
So I view TCM with that picture
in mind, where you have this
262
00:15:34,376 --> 00:15:37,665
possible rock in your pocket, and
it feels really heavy at first.
263
00:15:37,926 --> 00:15:42,746
But the more you sit with it, the more you
work with it, the more you let it become a
264
00:15:42,746 --> 00:15:47,486
part of you and that process of allowing,
the stronger you get to carry it.
265
00:15:47,496 --> 00:15:50,826
It's not that the rock lightens or
that the rock gets smaller, it's just
266
00:15:50,846 --> 00:15:52,536
that you get stronger handling it
267
00:15:52,836 --> 00:15:57,186
So although the TCM lens and the Western
medicine lens might speak different
268
00:15:57,186 --> 00:16:01,256
languages I find it very comforting
that they arrive at the same conclusion
269
00:16:01,496 --> 00:16:04,826
and give language to something that
I think a lot of us have experienced.
270
00:16:05,126 --> 00:16:09,626
So how does grief actually affect our
immunity and our hormonal response?
271
00:16:09,926 --> 00:16:13,266
Have you ever noticed that you get
sick after something hard happens?
272
00:16:13,566 --> 00:16:15,866
Or that your body feels physically heavy
273
00:16:16,166 --> 00:16:19,476
in a way that has nothing
to do with being tired
274
00:16:19,776 --> 00:16:24,476
in that same research published in
twenty twenty-five, that review of
275
00:16:24,496 --> 00:16:28,626
peer-reviewed research, they found that
hormonal dysregulation, specifically
276
00:16:28,646 --> 00:16:32,786
elevated cortisol and oxytocin
levels, play a significant role in
277
00:16:32,846 --> 00:16:34,936
the physiological response to grief.
278
00:16:35,236 --> 00:16:39,596
Cortisol elevation is particularly
well documented when it comes to grief
279
00:16:39,896 --> 00:16:41,896
studies of bereaved spouses
280
00:16:42,196 --> 00:16:45,566
show that cortisol levels rise
and remain elevated for the
281
00:16:45,566 --> 00:16:47,665
first six months of bereavement
282
00:16:47,966 --> 00:16:51,526
And when the death was unexpected,
cortisol levels were even higher.
283
00:16:51,826 --> 00:16:57,226
What makes me pause on this study
is I wonder had someone known that
284
00:16:57,226 --> 00:17:01,436
the passing of their loved one was
coming soon, if their cortisol levels
285
00:17:01,436 --> 00:17:03,416
were higher even before the passing.
286
00:17:03,456 --> 00:17:07,056
So I wonder if it's not necessarily
the length of time after someone
287
00:17:07,056 --> 00:17:09,286
passed away, but the whole process.
288
00:17:09,286 --> 00:17:12,185
Because people can grieve
while someone is still living,
289
00:17:12,205 --> 00:17:14,695
especially if that person is just
290
00:17:14,996 --> 00:17:18,146
taking the time to go through the
process of their bodies shutting down
291
00:17:18,445 --> 00:17:22,386
This is the part I wanna make special
note of, but chronically elevated cortisol
292
00:17:22,685 --> 00:17:26,326
is the problem, not cortisol in general.
293
00:17:26,656 --> 00:17:29,476
Cor- chronically elevated or
chronically depressed cortisol.
294
00:17:29,756 --> 00:17:32,566
We want those nice peaks
and valleys throughout.
295
00:17:32,786 --> 00:17:36,626
We don't want it to be chronically
one way or chronically the other.
296
00:17:36,626 --> 00:17:38,766
So cortisol is not the bad guy.
297
00:17:38,786 --> 00:17:40,436
I call her the misunderstood mean girl.
298
00:17:40,436 --> 00:17:45,896
But when we experience grief, that
baseline level might elevate, which can
299
00:17:45,896 --> 00:17:49,866
have a lot of the downstream hormonal
effects that elevated cortisol and
300
00:17:49,876 --> 00:17:52,266
elevated stress has on our bodies
301
00:17:52,566 --> 00:17:56,656
Chronically elevated cortisol
affects our immune function, sleep
302
00:17:56,666 --> 00:18:01,506
quality, inflammation and in women
specifically, our hormonal balance
303
00:18:01,806 --> 00:18:04,936
If you think back to our spring
cleaning liver episode, there is a
304
00:18:04,936 --> 00:18:07,146
relationship between cortisol and estrogen
305
00:18:07,446 --> 00:18:10,936
sustained cortisol elevation
disrupts the hormonal environment
306
00:18:10,946 --> 00:18:11,976
of the menstrual cycle
307
00:18:12,276 --> 00:18:16,346
Which is why many women notice changes
in their menstrual cycle during
308
00:18:16,346 --> 00:18:18,166
periods of intense stress or grief
309
00:18:18,466 --> 00:18:23,046
A review published in Psychosomatic
Medicine examining 41 years of research on
310
00:18:23,046 --> 00:18:27,206
bereavement and immune function found that
bereaved people demonstrate higher levels
311
00:18:27,226 --> 00:18:31,866
of systemic inflammation, maladaptive
immune cell gene expression, and lower
312
00:18:31,876 --> 00:18:36,086
antibody response to vaccinations
compared to non-bereaved peers.
313
00:18:36,386 --> 00:18:40,256
when the immune system is suppressed
during grief inflammation increases.
314
00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:45,136
And when inflammation increases
musculoskeletal pain, joint pain, fatigue
315
00:18:45,436 --> 00:18:48,836
and other physical symptoms can
all be added to the grief process
316
00:18:49,136 --> 00:18:52,566
So the chest tightness, the
heaviness in the limbs The headaches,
317
00:18:52,566 --> 00:18:56,426
the digestive disruption the
menstrual cycle irregularities
318
00:18:56,726 --> 00:18:59,846
The way your whole body might
feel like you're moving through
319
00:18:59,876 --> 00:19:01,686
something so thick and viscous
320
00:19:01,986 --> 00:19:05,026
These are the measurable
physiological consequences
321
00:19:05,326 --> 00:19:09,166
of one of the most stressful experiences
the human body can experience
322
00:19:09,466 --> 00:19:12,506
So when people say losing their
loved one broke their heart,
323
00:19:12,706 --> 00:19:14,126
they're not entirely wrong
324
00:19:14,426 --> 00:19:16,416
Grief elevates stress hormones
325
00:19:16,716 --> 00:19:20,686
suppresses the immune system
drives systemic inflammation and
326
00:19:20,686 --> 00:19:22,066
disrupts your hormonal regulation
327
00:19:22,900 --> 00:19:25,740
The physical symptoms
of grief are very real
328
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:29,490
And as your body processes it all,
just remember that it's doing an
329
00:19:29,490 --> 00:19:33,670
enormous task, one of the most
physiologically demanding tasks that
330
00:19:33,670 --> 00:19:34,970
the brain and body can go through
331
00:19:35,270 --> 00:19:39,030
Now, most of this research has
been done on people who have lost a
332
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:43,580
spouse, but I think it can be applied
to a lot of us who lose a loved
333
00:19:43,580 --> 00:19:45,360
one who we are super close with.
334
00:19:45,670 --> 00:19:49,430
There is different forms of love and
connection amongst spouses, amongst
335
00:19:49,430 --> 00:19:53,770
family members, amongst siblings, amongst
friends, and just because you might
336
00:19:53,770 --> 00:19:57,090
be experiencing some of these things
when you have lost someone who is not a
337
00:19:57,090 --> 00:19:59,180
spouse does not make it any less real.
338
00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:03,360
One of the most universal complaints
of grief is disrupted sleep And it's
339
00:20:03,370 --> 00:20:05,280
also one of the least talked about.
340
00:20:05,590 --> 00:20:07,980
Honestly, I think grief in
general is not very talked about.
341
00:20:08,010 --> 00:20:10,410
I have not listened to a
single podcast on grief.
342
00:20:10,740 --> 00:20:13,060
So if this is your first, welcome.
343
00:20:13,060 --> 00:20:17,120
This is also my first of,
presenting this information and
344
00:20:17,120 --> 00:20:18,480
diving into the science behind it.
345
00:20:18,490 --> 00:20:23,450
But sleep is one of the most common
complaints, and disrupted sleep is one
346
00:20:23,450 --> 00:20:25,300
of the most common complaints of grief
347
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:29,800
A systematic review of sleep disturbances
and bereavement found a strong association
348
00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:34,780
between grief intensity and sleep
problems, with higher grief intensity
349
00:20:34,780 --> 00:20:38,850
consistently associated with more
frequent and severe sleep difficulties.
350
00:20:39,050 --> 00:20:41,660
Around eighty percent of
people with complicated grief
351
00:20:41,680 --> 00:20:44,500
experienced longer-term poor sleep
352
00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:49,900
And unfortunately, this is one of
those cyclical things where Grief
353
00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:54,280
disrupts sleep, but a lack of sleep
also makes grief harder to process.
354
00:20:54,430 --> 00:20:57,500
Research found that those who had
persistent sleep challenges before
355
00:20:57,500 --> 00:21:02,280
losing someone were at higher risk
for developing complicated grief after
356
00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:06,490
loss, and bereaved college students
who experienced insomnia showed more
357
00:21:06,490 --> 00:21:10,630
severe symptoms of complicated grief
than those whose sleep wasn't disrupted
358
00:21:10,930 --> 00:21:14,310
If you listened back to our
glymphatic episode, I'll leave
359
00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:17,260
all of the links to all of these
episodes that I'm mentioning, the Dr.
360
00:21:17,260 --> 00:21:20,810
Felice Jan one, the liver
episode, the glymphatic episode.
361
00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:24,180
But if you listen to our
glymphatic episode, you already
362
00:21:24,180 --> 00:21:28,020
know that REM sleep is when the
brain processes emotional memory
363
00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:32,200
And the glymphatic system does much of
its cleaning work, which is like the
364
00:21:32,230 --> 00:21:36,530
cleansing system for the brain And go
figure, grief specifically disrupts this
365
00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:42,710
REM part of our sleep cycle When REM sleep
is disrupted, whether by insomnia or grief
366
00:21:43,010 --> 00:21:45,790
emotional memory
reconsolidation is impaired
367
00:21:46,090 --> 00:21:49,810
In the context of grief, insufficient
REM sleep can interfere with the brain's
368
00:21:49,810 --> 00:21:52,530
ability to integrate the reality of loss
369
00:21:52,830 --> 00:21:54,670
Aspects of the loss may
370
00:21:54,970 --> 00:21:56,860
remain emotionally unprocessed
371
00:21:57,160 --> 00:21:59,170
because of this poor sleep
372
00:21:59,470 --> 00:22:02,040
So grief and sleep have a
complicated relationship.
373
00:22:02,310 --> 00:22:06,060
Grief disrupts our sleep, and
disrupted sleep affects our grief
374
00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:07,650
and our ability to process grief
375
00:22:07,950 --> 00:22:09,620
Now, what can actually help grief?
376
00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:12,170
And let's be very clear about this.
377
00:22:12,180 --> 00:22:14,390
It's not a problem that has to be solved.
378
00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:17,450
It's a process that we need
to go through and experience.
379
00:22:17,740 --> 00:22:21,970
We've talked about how TCM
prioritizes this process of allowing
380
00:22:21,980 --> 00:22:26,360
grief to sit with us, sit within
us, and processing it that way.
381
00:22:26,360 --> 00:22:29,910
We've talked about how We need to
understand the full loss experience,
382
00:22:29,930 --> 00:22:33,620
and if we have disrupted sleep, we
don't necessarily fully process it.
383
00:22:33,630 --> 00:22:37,180
So it's not this problem that needs
to be solved or this experience that
384
00:22:37,180 --> 00:22:40,970
needs to be rushed through, but there
are some things that we can do to help
385
00:22:40,970 --> 00:22:42,530
us process that grief in a healthy way
386
00:22:42,830 --> 00:22:44,910
First action, protect your sleep.
387
00:22:45,150 --> 00:22:48,640
As we talked about, sleep and
grief have a complex relationship,
388
00:22:48,670 --> 00:22:50,650
and both impact the other.
389
00:22:50,650 --> 00:22:55,570
So the more we can prioritize sleep
and have healthy sleep hygiene,
390
00:22:55,580 --> 00:22:56,880
sleep environment, the better.
391
00:22:57,260 --> 00:23:01,160
Really working to limit that blue light
exposure right before you go to bed
392
00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:05,590
and remembering that circadian rhythm
is influenced not only at night, but
393
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:08,460
also with the morning sunlight viewing.
394
00:23:08,470 --> 00:23:12,710
So if you're having trouble sleeping,
we've done I think a few episodes
395
00:23:12,710 --> 00:23:16,670
on sleep, definitely two when we
talk about cleaning up our sleep
396
00:23:16,670 --> 00:23:18,730
hygiene and what that entails.
397
00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:21,450
But in order to get a good
night's sleep, we have to have
398
00:23:21,450 --> 00:23:23,030
a good waking routine as well.
399
00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:28,400
So if you're someone who is experiencing
a lot of disrupted sleep because of grief
400
00:23:28,700 --> 00:23:32,110
really trying to be a little
bit more disciplined in the
401
00:23:32,110 --> 00:23:33,690
routines that can help that sleep.
402
00:23:33,690 --> 00:23:37,840
So getting morning sunlight, limiting
blue light in the evening, alcohol,
403
00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:43,400
limiting alcohol and those other sort
of later food and drinks, caffeine
404
00:23:43,430 --> 00:23:45,060
that might affect your sleep later on
405
00:23:45,360 --> 00:23:48,580
Research has found that protecting
sleep is one of the most
406
00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:51,200
clinically important things
a grieving person can do
407
00:23:51,500 --> 00:23:55,500
keeping a consistent sleep and wake
time, reducing blue light exposure,
408
00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:57,650
morning sunlight, reducing alcohol
409
00:23:57,950 --> 00:24:03,100
and creating a sleep environment that
feels very restful are all some of the
410
00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:07,030
tips to help protect your sleep Action
item number two, move your body.
411
00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:12,090
A 2021 systematic review published
in Sports Medicine examined physical
412
00:24:12,090 --> 00:24:16,820
activity As a support for grief outcomes
413
00:24:16,820 --> 00:24:20,810
in bereaved individuals found evidence
that physical activity can provide benefit
414
00:24:20,810 --> 00:24:25,600
for the physical health and psychological
well-being of those who have been bereaved
415
00:24:25,900 --> 00:24:30,980
It's not about fitness, it's not about
improving strength or flexibility
416
00:24:30,980 --> 00:24:32,550
or cardiovascular endurance.
417
00:24:32,560 --> 00:24:33,660
It's more of an outlet
418
00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:38,490
and giving your nervous system a way to
discharge some of that extra cortisol and
419
00:24:38,490 --> 00:24:40,040
stress hormones that grief might generate
420
00:24:40,340 --> 00:24:42,740
Things like walking,
yoga, gentle movement.
421
00:24:43,030 --> 00:24:45,640
They're not necessarily
performative, they're prescriptive
422
00:24:45,940 --> 00:24:48,810
Action number three, lean
into real connection.
423
00:24:49,110 --> 00:24:52,010
Research highlights the
role that oxytocin plays
424
00:24:52,010 --> 00:24:55,690
and the physiological response
to grief And oxytocin is released
425
00:24:55,710 --> 00:24:57,590
through genuine social connection
426
00:24:57,590 --> 00:25:01,870
physical touch and face-to-face
interaction with people that are
427
00:25:01,870 --> 00:25:03,570
safe, not just random people.
428
00:25:03,570 --> 00:25:09,620
You want to feel supported when you are
using social interaction as a way to
429
00:25:09,630 --> 00:25:13,930
help with your grief this is the biology
underneath the instinct to be with
430
00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:15,650
people when you're experiencing grief
431
00:25:15,950 --> 00:25:19,620
you're not just seeking comfort,
You're likely regulating your nervous
432
00:25:19,620 --> 00:25:25,080
system with these oxytocin-inducing
activities and interactions
433
00:25:25,380 --> 00:25:29,310
Being with people who don't require
you to explain yourself or perform
434
00:25:29,610 --> 00:25:33,400
has measurable physiological
benefits on your stress hormones
435
00:25:33,700 --> 00:25:36,260
Action number four, breathe intentionally
436
00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:41,280
Connecting back to what TCM has taught
for centuries, grief and the lungs
437
00:25:41,280 --> 00:25:45,850
go hand in hand Deep, intentional
diaphragmatic breathing and meditation
438
00:25:45,860 --> 00:25:50,550
are two of the best things we can do to
breathe intentionally to help us process
439
00:25:50,550 --> 00:25:55,060
our grief, not only psychologically
and how our nervous system is able
440
00:25:55,060 --> 00:25:56,670
to regulate, but also physically
441
00:25:56,970 --> 00:26:01,140
And lastly, we can tie it back to
the TCM, the process of allowing,
442
00:26:01,140 --> 00:26:03,430
but the permission to be inefficient.
443
00:26:03,690 --> 00:26:05,950
Your brain is trying to process things.
444
00:26:05,950 --> 00:26:10,970
It's not functioning at 100% like it
might when you are not going through this
445
00:26:11,210 --> 00:26:15,720
grieving process, and giving yourself that
grace is one of the best things you can do
446
00:26:16,020 --> 00:26:20,840
Before we close, I wanna talk about a few
things that have really helped me with my
447
00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:23,280
own grief journey and processing grief.
448
00:26:23,580 --> 00:26:27,840
I listen to Father Mike on
Ascension Press, I think, Sunday
449
00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:28,920
Homilies with Father Mike.
450
00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:33,290
It's a podcast, but he is a
Catholic priest who records
451
00:26:33,290 --> 00:26:34,450
his homilies every week.
452
00:26:34,500 --> 00:26:39,050
And leading up to the loss of
my loved one, he had a lot of
453
00:26:39,050 --> 00:26:40,480
these very beneficial episodes.
454
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:42,920
So I'll leave the link to
some of those episodes below.
455
00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:48,620
But a few of the things that really helped
me and are continuing to help me is the
456
00:26:48,660 --> 00:26:53,230
phrase, especially when this loved one
of mine had passed away, he had talked
457
00:26:53,230 --> 00:26:59,000
about that joy shared is joy multiplied,
and grief shared is grief divided.
458
00:26:59,010 --> 00:27:03,550
So that ties back into the
emotional processing and the social
459
00:27:03,550 --> 00:27:05,420
connection needed during grief.
460
00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:12,540
I remember the last time I lost someone
super important and impactful in my life.
461
00:27:12,930 --> 00:27:16,750
I think sharing grief with other
people is one of the best things
462
00:27:16,750 --> 00:27:20,960
you can do, and being even in the
same house as people also grieving
463
00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:24,860
the same person is one of the most
healing things that I've experienced
464
00:27:24,870 --> 00:27:29,320
and have continued to experience
during this own sort of grief process.
465
00:27:29,620 --> 00:27:33,270
But I really loved what he said,
that joy shared is joy multiplied,
466
00:27:33,270 --> 00:27:35,040
and grief shared is grief divided.
467
00:27:35,330 --> 00:27:38,450
It makes it a little easier to bear
One of the other things that he talked
468
00:27:38,450 --> 00:27:43,050
about was this eternal perspective,
and I found that throughout this whole
469
00:27:43,050 --> 00:27:48,090
process, I know that I have hope that this
loved one of mine is in a better place.
470
00:27:48,100 --> 00:27:54,240
She has gone to her eternal home, and
as a Christian, I strongly believe
471
00:27:54,240 --> 00:27:58,500
that she is in a much better place
than we can ever imagine here on Earth.
472
00:27:58,500 --> 00:28:04,270
And Father Mike had done an episode a
while back that talked about how someone
473
00:28:04,270 --> 00:28:09,880
should try and think about grief and
losing someone, and he said a lot of the
474
00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:16,010
times we can be tempted to grieve what
that person might miss here on Earth, the
475
00:28:16,010 --> 00:28:18,490
person that has gone into eternal life.
476
00:28:18,490 --> 00:28:22,530
We might be tempted to say, " Oh, I
wish so and so were here for this."
477
00:28:22,530 --> 00:28:26,750
"I wish I could have experienced
this with this person."
478
00:28:27,050 --> 00:28:32,210
And it really comforted me 'cause he was
saying that it's okay to miss that person
479
00:28:32,510 --> 00:28:33,740
But we shouldn't
480
00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:37,450
think about what that person
is missing here on Earth.
481
00:28:37,650 --> 00:28:42,370
Since what they are experiencing in
heaven is so much better, and what
482
00:28:42,370 --> 00:28:45,680
they are experiencing there makes
their life completely more full,
483
00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:47,230
their soul completely more full.
484
00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:51,330
And that phrase has really
helped because it might sound a
485
00:28:51,330 --> 00:28:55,060
little heartless to think, "Oh,
why can't we think about that?"
486
00:28:55,070 --> 00:28:58,470
Why can't I think about
what that person is missing?
487
00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:00,810
My sister's wedding last weekend
is one of those examples.
488
00:29:00,830 --> 00:29:04,760
I know my sister was probably thinking,
" Gosh, I wish this person was here,"
489
00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:10,360
But for me, it's been very comforting
to have that perspective and know that
490
00:29:10,660 --> 00:29:14,880
Whatever I think that person is
missing here on Earth, it is nothing
491
00:29:14,920 --> 00:29:18,580
compared to eternal life and what
she's experiencing right now.
492
00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:21,580
So I think from the outside, that
perspective can sound a little
493
00:29:21,580 --> 00:29:23,390
heartless, but from someone
494
00:29:23,690 --> 00:29:29,590
who is grieving, it is so comforting
to catch myself whenever I try and
495
00:29:29,590 --> 00:29:33,910
think about that and say no, Kelsey,
that is-- You can miss the person,
496
00:29:33,910 --> 00:29:37,280
but you can't think about what that
person is missing here on Earth."
497
00:29:37,580 --> 00:29:40,470
Because they're experiencing
so much greater in heaven
498
00:29:40,770 --> 00:29:43,650
So those are just two of the things,
I guess two of the main things
499
00:29:43,650 --> 00:29:45,980
that I've been repeating to myself.
500
00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:50,450
I have leaned heavily on my faith, and
so if you've made it this far, if you are
501
00:29:50,450 --> 00:29:55,170
also a faithful person and a Christian,
I hope those things resonate with you.
502
00:29:55,200 --> 00:29:57,990
I'd love for you guys to share
with me anything that's also helped
503
00:29:57,990 --> 00:30:00,620
you if you are going through a
grief journey or if you have.
504
00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:07,140
I've also heard just being able to talk
about the person and share memories, all
505
00:30:07,140 --> 00:30:11,470
of that has been so helpful, and I think
that partly relates to that grief shared
506
00:30:11,470 --> 00:30:14,040
is grief divided, where we are able to
507
00:30:14,340 --> 00:30:15,890
celebrate the life that someone lived.
508
00:30:15,900 --> 00:30:20,410
So thank you guys for joining me with
this harder episode, to talk about.
509
00:30:20,420 --> 00:30:23,060
But I hope you guys learned
a lot about grief, just like
510
00:30:23,080 --> 00:30:24,180
I learned a lot about grief.
511
00:30:24,220 --> 00:30:27,610
And again, if you are going
through your own grief journey,
512
00:30:27,660 --> 00:30:29,240
I am right there with you.
513
00:30:29,240 --> 00:30:34,600
If you're listening to this later, I hope
a lot of these tips and reasonings for
514
00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:40,550
things really help you as you process
the loss of a loved one or your own grief
515
00:30:40,850 --> 00:30:42,780
Due to whatever circumstance in your life.
516
00:30:42,810 --> 00:30:44,360
But thank you guys for joining me.
517
00:30:44,370 --> 00:30:48,710
I'll leave all the links to all of the
research articles and episodes below.
518
00:30:48,730 --> 00:30:51,740
But I hope you guys enjoyed this episode,
and I'll see you guys again on the
519
00:30:51,740 --> 00:30:53,620
next episode of Wellness Fixes the Pod.
