Going through a Brain Tumour

In today's episode of MaryLayo Talks, I’m with guest, Mildred Talabi, about her experience when she discovered she had a brain tumour and the impact this had on her mental health and spiritual wellbeing during the recovery process. 

The conversation includes:

• Signs that led Mildred to realise that something wasn’t right and that she had brain tumour.
• Questioning and hearing from God about the illness.       
• Mildred’s recovery process after surgery.
• Challenges and successes post operation.
• The different forms of support Mildred received from friends and family.
• How Mildred deals with the annual medical check-ups.
• Mildred’s faith in Jesus over her health and future.  
• Bible scriptures and music that helped Mildred in her journey.
• What Mildred learned about herself following her battle with brain tumour.
• How Mildred now views life and the changes made following the experience.
• Advice for those going through a serious health challenge.

Take a moment to delve into what may be 'beyond the smile' - listen in to the conversation.

Guest details:

Mildred Talabi trained as a Journalist and worked in the media, before transitioning into Public Relations and then Communications. Along the way, Mildred started several businesses, authored four books, and had the privilege of speaking to and training many audiences across different countries. Today, Mildred specialises in working with female leaders and women in business to build powerful and authentic personal brands through being visible on LinkedIn. 

Guest's website

MaryLayo's spiritual wellbeing tips:

• Meditate on the bible scriptures: John 16:33, Philippians 4:13 & Psalm 23:4
• Listen to No Longer Slaves. Artist: Zach Williams. 

Connect with MaryLayo:

LinkedIn

Instagram

For help in dealing with mental health related matters, please seek specialist professional advice and support if needed.

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MaryLayo: Welcome to Marylayo Talks, a podcast

that discusses mental health and spiritual

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well being.

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Before we jump in, there may be episodes that

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are particularly sensitive for some listeners,

and if that applies, then I.

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MaryLayo: Hope you'll be able to join me.

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MaryLayo: Whenever you feel ready and able in

today's episode.

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I'm with guest Mildred Talibee, who is used to

being in the spotlight.

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Mildred is a LinkedIn top voice and visibility

coach, the founder of a community for women in

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business and leadership, and is the author of

several books.

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This time we put the spotlight on what it can

take to battle through a serious health

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condition.

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And Mildred shares her experience of how she

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recovered from a brain tumour and what helped

her along the way.

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Let's have a listen.

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MaryLayo: This journey that you went through,

it started off by you actually collapsing

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outside of work some years ago.

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When was that?

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And tell us what happened afterwards.

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Mildred: Yeah, sure.

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This was going back to 2019 now, September

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2019.

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The actual day was the 2 September 2019, a day

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I'll never forget.

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So yeah, I collapsed outside of work.

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My workmate, one of my workmates had managed

to call her, she found me in the car park

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hanging out my car, vomit everywhere kind of

thing, just in a right state.

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I was unconscious by the time they got there.

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So the journey to get into that place actually

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began a few months earlier from that place.

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It was one day in May, I think it was towards

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the end of May, I kind of woke up and I was

fine going about my business in a day.

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And then about in the afternoon, I felt like

this pain, like on the back of my neck, on my

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head.

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It was just like this frobbing pain that came

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out of nowhere.

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It was just hurt in that area.

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I'm like, what is this?

Did I sleep wrong?

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Did I twist my neck while I was sleeping?

And then I'm like, if that was the case, then

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that pain would have come as soon as I woke

up, not hours later.

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So I just did what most of us do when we have

any kind of pain.

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I found some painkillers, I popped them, I

thought, maybe this will help.

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And it didn't help.

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The pain didn't go away and it was literally

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like at one point it was like I was having a

seizure almost.

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It would come on me in waves, it would kind of

fade and then it would come on really strong

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and I would be like, don't touch me, don't

touch me.

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The one time I fell on the floor, both my

girls were there and I was like, mommy's okay,

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mommy's okay.

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But it was like this pain was just shooting

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through my body, through my neck.

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I've never experienced anything like that

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before.

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And that pain persisted for that day, the next

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day, the day after that, the day after that,

the day after that, it went on daily for

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months.

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It was literally for a long time.

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MaryLayo: Did you get it checked out, then?

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Mildred: I did everything.

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I went to doctors several times.

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I went to an E called one one one called

everything I could do.

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At one point, they checked everything and then

they couldn't figure out what was wrong.

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And then one time they prescribed me, like I

had, like, 15 pills I was supposed to be

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taking in one day each time.

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And I'm not big on pills anyway.

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And I was like, after trying it once, I was

like, no, this is not happening.

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I'm not going to live like this.

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So I ended up going private to an osteopath.

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It was a neck issue, bone issue.

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Yeah.

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That was the only thing that actually brought

relief temporarily.

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Yeah.

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I ended up going to weekly sessions for a bit

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and it would give me temporary relief.

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But that pain never fully went away.

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And at this point, the hospital had referred

me to a neurologist.

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But my appointment was in November.

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And remember, this started in May, and we're

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about a month into this now.

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My appointment, the earliest they could find

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for me was in November.

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I was like, what am I supposed to do with

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myself between now and then?

But that was just the situation.

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Until that day that we spoke about at the

beginning, I wasn't fully self employed at the

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time.

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I was still juggling both worlds.

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So I was driving into work, I was there going

on the motorway, super fast speeds, and I'm

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just like, I don't feel too good.

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And then off the motorway, I go down country

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roads in Kent, and they are kind of narrow

roads, if you know roads.

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It's like, as I'm going down, I couldn't see

the cars coming the other way until they've

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gone past.

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It was like I was just feeling like, whoosh.

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I was like, what was that?

Some.

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By the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ.

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I managed to end up at work, collapse outside

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work, in the car park, sent some garbled

message to one of my workmates.

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Apparently, I tried to call initially, I tried

to call a taxi to take me to hospital.

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I don't know what I was thinking.

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Call an ambulance.

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Somehow I ended up in a car park without being

run over or getting into a car crash.

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And that was where it's like my colleagues

found me and I woke up in an ambulance on the

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way to hospital.

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MaryLayo: Even that bit you've just explained

sounds very dramatic.

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It could have been so much worse.

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Just the fact that you were journeying, going

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through motorways, high speed country lanes

and you managed to get to the hospital, that's

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amazing.

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That stands out for me.

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Just in terms of what you said, it's the grace

of God that kept you.

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I guess I'm assuming that the next thing that

you remember was it waking up after the

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surgery?

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Mildred: No. So the surgery didn't happen

straight away.

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So I woke up at the first hospital I was taken

to in East Surrey Hospital.

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And they were like, okay, we found something,

but we're not entirely sure what it is.

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And because we're not as sophisticated

equipment wise, we're going to send you to

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this other hospital, st.

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George's Hospital in London, which was some

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miles away, because they're specialists in

head know.

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So they took me in another ambulance, sent me

to St. George's Hospital.

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By that time, my husband arrived and stuff.

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And when we got to the hospital and they did

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all their tests, they were like, sorry to tell

you this, but we found a brain tumor.

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You have a brain tumor.

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So I'm like, what?

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And they were like, you can't go home.

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We have to kind of hospitalize you and stay

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here.

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So it was a benign tumor, which basically

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means the difference is it doesn't spread

quickly.

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So it was located in that one place in the

back of my head.

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It was like the size of I can't remember how

they described the size.

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Everything was like a blur.

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You're hearing it and it's like a brain tumor.

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You're in shock.

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And they're saying lots of stuff.

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MaryLayo: And I'm still trying to taking it

in, processing it.

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Mildred: Yeah, I'm still trying to process.

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And I ended up staying in hospital for that

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entire month of September.

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The first couple of weeks, almost a couple of

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weeks was leading up to the surgery, getting

me ready, blood tests, all kinds of stuff that

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was needed.

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And then the last few weeks was recovering

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from the surgery.

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I had a six hour surgery, spent three days in

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intensive care, and then from there just kind

of recovering and getting physio help to kind

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of get back on my feet before they let me back

out into my real life.

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MaryLayo: Right. Wow. Okay, tell me about that

recovery process.

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So you had the six hour surgery, and I guess

that rehabilitation.

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Tell me about the recovery process and how you

were able to overcome those emotional and

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psychological challenges during that recovery

process.

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Because like you said earlier, just even

hearing about brain tumor, that was a lot to

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take in and process.

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So how was that recovery process for you in

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terms of your emotional and psychological the

challenges that you had to overcome?

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Mildred: Yeah, sure.

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So I've always been somebody who kind of I'm a

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glass half full person.

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Okay?

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That's the thing.

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And I'm also a Christian.

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My faith is a major part of who I am and how I

get through life.

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My faith in Jesus is like a big part of it.

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So the very first reaction I had, actually,

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when they told me about the brain tumor was

one of relief because I had lived in pain for

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so long and that pain was really bad.

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It was so hard to describe, to anybody.

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Like, it was at one point when I was at work,

I would literally run to the toilet every time

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this thing came over me.

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And it was like I was having a fit.

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And they must be thinking, this girl keeps

going toilet.

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She must drink a lot of water, which I did

anyway, so it was a good cover, but several

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times a day, I would be running into the

toilet.

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So anyway, so that first thing was relief.

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And then it was kind of like.

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MaryLayo: And I guess it was relief because

you had identified what the cause was rather

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than wondering what's going on.

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Mildred: Yes, because a lot of the frustration

of the whole being medicated is that whole

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thing of I was like, I don't want these 15

bills because you're trying to treat a

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symptom.

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You're not giving me the cause.

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I want to know the cause.

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Why is my head hurting?

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Why is my neck hurting?

What is going on?

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So that gave me the answer that I'd been

looking for for months.

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So it was like, Everything's okay now.

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So that was the first reaction.

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Then the second thing was like, Why?

And then obviously, not all of us, but the

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next question is like, but why, Lord?

You know, like, why me?

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Why a brain tumor?

Why this?

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Why still?

It's like, I never got an answer for the why,

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but I realized afterwards, the why doesn't

matter.

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It's not the why.

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It's what you make of it.

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Adversity happens to all of us, whether you're

Christian or not, it doesn't matter.

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We're going to go through life, and we're

going to go through things in life.

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It's like, how do you respond when adversity

hits?

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Not if it hits, but when?

Because every single one of us will go through

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something.

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Maybe not as traumatic as a brain tumor, but

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we're going to go through something.

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And it's like, now is the opportunity to

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really see what you're kind of made of.

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So, funnily enough, when I first got to the

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hospital, and I journal on stuff, and I was

talking to God about it, and I was like, Why

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is this happening?

How should I react to this?

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And one of the things that I felt really

strongly was this whole idea of you said,

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like, rest Milja dress.

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Okay.

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Interesting.

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Yeah.

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So I'll give you a little snapshot of my life

before then.

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I was mum of two, busy mom of two girls.

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My kids were at the time.

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My oldest was about to start school, so she

was four, and my little one was three.

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And then I got my husband at home.

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I was running a business on the side and

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working full time.

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My life was full on.

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It was busy.

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So this was like, for the first time in a long

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time that I actually got to do was in the

first two weeks leading up to the operation,

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the surgery, I was in hospital, and I love the

doctors and nurses at St. George's Hospital.

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I'm picking you guys up.

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They took such good care of me.

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Like, three times a day, I was getting meals

served.

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I cooked the meals.

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MaryLayo: Exactly.

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So that's one example of the rest during that

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period.

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Mildred: Yeah, exactly.

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And so that perspective really shifted that

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first two weeks, which could have been I could

have spent that time worrying or like, what's

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going to happen?

All of that kind of stuff.

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But I was like, you know what?

I'm actually going to rest.

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I'm going to enjoy this rest period, and I'm

going to rest.

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And that's what I did for those first two

weeks.

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MaryLayo: And that's because that's what you

felt God was saying to you at that time.

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Okay, definitely.

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Mildred: And perspective matters a lot in

life.

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How you approach things as two people can go

through the exact same thing, but the

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difference is how you view what you go

through.

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So I could definitely have sat there and felt

like, oh, my God, I think 101 thoughts about,

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oh, my God, I'm going to die, or am I going to

die or what's going to happen?

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All of that.

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And not to say that there wasn't any period

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where I was like, what is happening?

And actually that came more after the

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operation because as well, I've always been

like an independent person.

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I'm like a get up and go kind of thing.

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I'm going around, I'm doing things, I'm living

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life.

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I'm not sitting down watching, you know, I've

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got things to do.

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So after the surgery, I'm there trying to get

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up and go again like Mildred normally could,

and I couldn't.

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And that's when it really hit home that

something major had happened, because I'm

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trying to walk and my legs don't want to come

with me.

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MaryLayo: Wow.

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Mildred: So I'm ending up on the floor, and 1

minute I'm talking to you, the next minute I'm

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waking up from talking to you because I've

blacked out.

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And I don't remember what's happened in the

last two, three minutes because I'm just gone.

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So it's like all of these things, I lost

control of myself.

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And that was scary for a season.

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It was scary and it was upsetting and it was

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like, what is going on?

I don't understand, and how can I get back to

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being me again?

And that was the journey that took a long

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time.

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Well, not a long time, because my doctor

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always said every time he saw me, my surgeon

is like, you're doing so great.

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You're, like, ahead of where we think you

should be.

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MaryLayo: But for you, it was a long time.

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Mildred: It took a long time.

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To me, it took a long time.

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MaryLayo: I'm going to go back to when you

were asking about why me, Lord?

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So behind that question of why, was it because

you were praying or you were a believer?

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What was behind the reason?

Why you questioned why me, Lord?

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Mildred: Yeah. So I've been a Christian since

the age of 19 is when I gave my life to Jesus.

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I became a born again Christian, and I've kind

of walked closely with God, I would say, since

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that time.

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So it was like, there's this I will call it a

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false idea that a lot of us have in

Christianity that if you're a child of God, it

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means bad things don't happen, won't happen,

and can't happen to.

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So but actually, in the Bible, Jesus says, you

will go through many trials, but I have

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overcome them all.

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You will overcome.

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So we will go through trials, but we will

overcome.

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So I was of that thinking of, why should this

happen to me?

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That kind of thing.

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I mean, like, why?

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I'm a Christian.

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I love Jesus.

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So that's where the root of that came from,

which I came to understand is not that's not

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right.

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That's not correct.

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Maybe natural reaction.

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God weren't angry with me or anything for

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asking.

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There's a natural reaction, but that's the

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wrong focus.

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The focus isn't why.

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And now, four years on, looking back at all

the things that have happened as a result of

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that one incident, all the people's lives that

have been touched from me sharing this story,

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it's like that has been a blessing that I

didn't ask for, that I didn't want.

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Even how the strength that I discovered in

myself that I didn't know, that I had in me,

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all of that came through this one trial.

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So there's so much good that has come out of

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that bad situation that would never have come

had that bad situation not happened.

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MaryLayo: Got you.

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Yeah. So, like, you were talking about that

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let's call it that rehabilitation process,

that time of rest where after the surgery,

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literally, you were forced to slow down and

almost, like, pace yourself, really.

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So what would you say was the breakthrough

moments or the turning points that really

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stand out to you during that recovery journey?

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Mildred: Yeah. I am so grateful that at that

period of my life, so many people rallied

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around me.

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It was unbelievable, the kind of love that I

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felt.

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And not just from my immediate family.

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My husband and my kids, though.

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My kids came to visit me in the hospital and

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I'm all, like, tubed up wires everywhere.

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My older one, she wouldn't come near me

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because she was scared that she would hurt me

kind of thing.

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She kind of kept her distance when my little

one, he was very much a hugger.

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Was like, Mommy, what's going on?

But it was like, just the whole way, like,

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everybody I felt such love and support from my

family, my friends, my community, like, my

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church group.

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People came, visited, literally.

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My neighbors.

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I had some neighbors who would walk with me

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because at that time, my older one started

school and she was going.

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My little one was a nursery.

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And the nursery was like walking distance from

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my house.

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But this primary school, my husband had to

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drive her, so it was me and the little one.

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But I couldn't walk her to school on my own

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because for the first three months, I would be

blacking out and fainting randomly.

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It was actually dangerous.

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So I had neighbors who came and took shifts

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and to walk with me to the nursery, it was

like a three minute walk, but in the

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beginning, I could barely make those three

minutes, just like getting back on my feet.

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So all of that coming together and people

who've never prayed in their life before, it's

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like, I'm praying for you.

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We have to pull through.

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So it was just beautiful how everybody and

everyone came together in that season of my

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life again.

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Something that I wouldn't have been so

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conscious of just how loved I was had I not

gone through this.

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Something like this.

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There was another standout moment.

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So about three months after this, so this has

all happened, I came home in first week of

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October.

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So October, november.

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December is coming up to the New Year time.

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And that period is my favorite period of the

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year.

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That crossover between one year and the other,

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just you're making plans for the new year and

all that kind of stuff.

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And at this point, I was just about walking

properly again.

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Before this, I used to run, like, I used to do

jogging and on a fairly regular basis, fairly

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fit.

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And I used to do five K part runs.

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And obviously I hadn't been able to run for a

while.

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So I said to myself, I was like, I want to be

able to run again.

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Like, come January, I want to be able to run

again.

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So I think it was my husband who showed me,

but I downloaded this app called Couch to Five

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K. Well.

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MaryLayo: I haven't completed it, but I've

tried it.

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I'm giving myself away now.

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Mildred: Yes, that thing helped me massively.

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So literally, I used that app and within I

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think it was an eight week period, however

long the app following the program, I went

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from barely walking to being able to run a

five K. And that was, like, such a massive

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achievement for me, because a few months

early, I was fainting nonstop, and here I was

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running.

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And so, yeah, so that is just like it's that

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whole thing of you don't quite know what

you're capable of until you have no choice but

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to do whatever it is but to show yourself, to

conquer yourself.

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As I posted about today on LinkedIn.

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MaryLayo: I feel like giving you a high five

because some people who have downloaded that

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app, they haven't even completed it, and yet

you were able to do that just months after

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what you went through.

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So, yeah, that's an amazing breakthrough.

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Really.

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Mildred: Let's do it.

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Yeah.

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MaryLayo: No, honestly, that's amazing.

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That's amazing.

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You mentioned about that support system, so

your friends and family and how they played

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that role.

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So it was things like just even the simple

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things that meant a lot to you and had that

big impact, but maybe not so big to them, like

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walking alongside you when you're taking your

daughter to school, praying.

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Were there other ways that you really did feel

that love from your support system?

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Mildred: Yeah. So I had friends that one of my

friends, Vira hey.

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Hey.

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She used to make me food.

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MaryLayo: Okay.

400

Mildred: Because after a while, I got bored of

hospital food, and I'm like, not sandwiches

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again.

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MaryLayo: Bring it to the hospital.

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Mildred: And she would make me like she's

Ghanaian.

404

She would make, like, Ghanaian rice and

chicken and all of this.

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And it was heaven just to eat that stuff.

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My mom would make me food, and I'm Nigerian.

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She'll make me, like, Nigerian food.

408

Because they know that in hospital, you ain't

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getting no culture.

410

It was nice for a while, but I was like, okay,

411

I miss they would bring food and things like

that.

412

One of my friends because one of my worries

when I did end up in hospital was my daughter

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was about to start school, the oldest one.

414

And I was like, I had all these plans to do

415

her hair and stuff.

416

I'm like, who's going to do her hair?

417

Because one of my friends, they live in

Hastings, and we were in Kent.

418

They would drive down once a week, and then

she'd come and do both my girls know, and that

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was just, like, literally amazing.

420

So all of those kind of little things and then

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just neighbors checking on me, like just

knocking.

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Are you okay?

Do you need anything?

423

The church group came down.

424

They brought food as well, and they fed my

425

husband while I wasn't there as well, my

husband and kids.

426

The people were cooking for them.

427

So home was sorted, so I could truly kind of

428

just focus on my own recovery, which really

helped massively.

429

MaryLayo: Sure. One of the things you

mentioned was about how you were still having

430

these blackouts, even up post op, right?

431

Mildred: Yeah.

432

MaryLayo: And I don't know what was causing

those blackouts.

433

Was it explained?

And then I guess my second follow on question

434

is really about did those blackouts get less

frequent over time until it stopped?

435

Mildred: The blackouts was part of the side

effects because the part of where they removed

436

the tumor from is connected to, like it was

close to my spine or something like that.

437

If it had gone any which way, the other way, I

may not have been able to walk, but it's part

438

of that, the part that my brain, but it's not

the part of my brain that controls my thinking

439

and all of that.

440

So I was still able to think, to reason, all

441

that.

442

It was my mobility that was affected, because

443

that's where it was closer to.

444

So I think the doctor said the blackout is

445

just one of the side effects of it's.

446

Your body just getting back used to

447

functioning properly again because this

thing's been taken out there's, like it's

448

healing that part of your body.

449

I still have the scar here, so I touch it to

450

remind myself.

451

But anyway, so it was the frequency of it, it

452

was scary to begin with because I would never

know when it was going to happen.

453

Like I said, I'd literally be mid

conversation.

454

Maybe I was talking slow as well, slower,

because my brain is just, like, functioning

455

again.

456

It took about three months until they started

457

getting less and less, but it took three

months from the time of the surgery till I had

458

the last blackout because I was recording

every time it happened.

459

And then after three months, that was them,

like, oh my God, I haven't had one, I haven't

460

had one, I haven't had one.

461

Oh, my God, they're actually gone.

462

So, yeah, as I started to recover, those

things would go away.

463

Some of the other symptoms would go away as

well that I had.

464

I used to have, like, tingling sensations all

over my legs constantly, from the top to the

465

bottom.

466

Those gradually started to go.

467

I've got, like, tiny, tiny little bits left on

my feet from there, but it doesn't bother me

468

or anything like that.

469

So it's just yeah, my body gradually started

470

to recover with time, with rest, with some

medication, and just I also tried to push

471

myself, sometimes a bit too much.

472

My husband would be like, don't do that, stay

473

here, don't let me carry up here.

474

I'm like but eventually we got there.

475

MaryLayo: Sure. And it seems like that three

month period was that big milestone in terms

476

of the symptoms going, generally speaking, and

almost like back to normal.

477

Mildred: Yeah, no, it definitely wasn't back

to normal, but the worst symptoms left after

478

the three month period.

479

So I remember after that in January because I

480

wasn't allowed to drive either for a year

after up to a year afterwards.

481

So I became a civilian again.

482

So I remember the first time I had to go into

483

in January, I had to go back into London from

Kent to go and see my surgeon for my first

484

checkup.

485

And it was like, that whole journey was just

486

like a really surreal experience.

487

The first time I've gone that far on my know

488

since the operation.

489

So there was all this kind of, am I going to

490

be okay?

Am I going to faint?

491

Because I just finished fainting a few weeks

before that.

492

But I was able to kind of make that journey

and come back home in one piece on the train.

493

So that was like little things became big

wins.

494

So that was a big win.

495

One of the things I couldn't do prior to the

496

brain, for some reason, I can't sit on the

train when it's facing the other way, okay.

497

It just used to mess with my head for whatever

reason.

498

But after the operation, I found that I could

sit like that and I was okay.

499

I was like, there's some additional benefits

that I didn't know about.

500

So it's just that whole thing of finding

little reasons to be grateful.

501

And there were plenty.

502

We always have reasons to be grateful.

503

If we take the time to pay attention to that,

we've got reasons to be grateful every day, no

504

matter what we're going through in life.

505

All of those things became little wins that I

506

can tick off.

507

Oh, today I rode the train.

508

MaryLayo: I mean like that's even speaking to

me about how something so mundane to many

509

people like just traveling, let's just say

from Kent to London and then being able to

510

travel back by public transport how that was

such a big deal and it is a big deal but we

511

are often very easily take these things for

granted.

512

But they're things that we really should

appreciate.

513

So your story is a reminder of how we should

really be appreciative even in what seems to

514

be the mundane everyday activities.

515

Mildred: Absolutely.

516

MaryLayo: So I was going to ask about with

many, let's just call them survivors, they

517

often have worries in terms of it coming back,

like when they have their checkups, their

518

periodic checkups.

519

Is this something that comes to your mind?

520

And if so or not, how have you dealt with it?

How have you approached it?

521

Mildred: Yeah, that's a really good question,

because when they did my surgery and they

522

removed the tumor, I can't remember what the

exact percentage was, they said we got 97%, I

523

think it was, of the tumor out.

524

And they said there's a little tiny bit

525

remaining and that we can't reach.

526

However, we can use chemo chemotherapy to get

527

rid of the rest of it and zap it and also

potentially to stop it from coming back.

528

But it's your choice.

529

We recommend that you do, but it's your

530

choice.

531

But by the time they finished telling me this

532

was a few months after all the side effects of

the possible chemotherapy, I said, no, I don't

533

want that.

534

I had to be coming into the hospital every

535

single day for like, six weeks to get the

chemo.

536

I'm going to lose my hair, I'm going to put on

weight, the mood, all of that kind of I said

537

no. I said, and this is where my faith this is

why I say it's such an important part of my

538

story.

539

This is where my faith in God and Jesus Christ

540

kicked in.

541

I said, I don't believe that that is the will

542

of God for my life.

543

One and two, I don't believe that my work here

544

is done.

545

So I know I'm not dying.

546

Know, this is like, there's so much more in

me.

547

I know I'm not dying yet.

548

And I don't believe that living in that state

549

is the will of God.

550

So I believe that this tumor has been caught

551

and is gone.

552

This is like, I am not going to do this

553

chemotherapy because I don't want that.

554

And I was fully persuaded that this thing is

555

gone and it's not going to come back.

556

I was.

557

And I am.

558

And to this day, every time I go to my doctors

559

and once a year I have to go and see him.

560

Initially it was twice a year, now it's once a

561

year.

562

He does the thing.

563

They do my MRI scan, they show me the thing.

564

It's like, you're good, you're great, nothing

565

there.

566

So that's the thing.

567

So it has gone according to your faith, so be

it.

568

I know it's not always easy to do, but it's

when you go through these things is either

569

your God is real or he's not.

570

That is the thing.

571

And also if we take it away from someone who's

not a believer, right?

572

If you're not a believer and you're listening

to this, you're like, but I don't have God.

573

But what you believe can become reality in

your life.

574

What you believe and accept can become reality

in your life.

575

If you believe that your thing is coming back

and you spend your time worrying about it

576

constantly, constantly, even that very act in

itself can invite it back into your life.

577

This might be sound like I'm making it all

simplistic and I know it's not simple at all

578

and this is a complex thing and I didn't

invite the brain tumor into my life in the

579

first place.

580

Do you understand?

581

So I'm not saying that what we get or don't

get is based on just us, but there is

582

definitely an element of faith where what you

believe about yourself can become the reality

583

in your life depending on whether that's good

or bad.

584

And I knew that for me, if I start worrying

and thinking that this thing might come back,

585

then that's what I'm entertaining and guess

what?

586

That's what I'm feeding.

587

And I didn't want that in my life.

588

I didn't want it to come back.

589

I was focused on recovery, like I said, I know

590

I've got much more to do in this world.

591

It's not my time yet to go.

592

And that was where my focus was.

593

And thank God.

594

Four years on, here I am today, still telling

the story, still recovery.

595

I'm recovered, but it hasn't come back and

it's not coming back.

596

And I thank God for that.

597

MaryLayo: Sam mildred, like, all throughout

you've been really open about your faith, your

598

belief in Jesus and how that's helped you

through.

599

Is there anything else you would say about how

that experience affected your faith even now,

600

back then or even now?

601

Mildred: Yeah, without that faith, I don't

think I would have gone through this and come

602

out roses.

603

I'll be straight up honest with you because I

604

went through some really hard times and some

low times.

605

There's even a point after my surgery, I had

about eight nightmares in one night.

606

I wrote them down.

607

Eight different all of them involved people

608

trying to kill me one way or the other in the

same night.

609

It was like terrors of night.

610

There's a scripture in Psalm 23 that talks

611

about when though you walk through the valley

of the shadow of death, I am with you.

612

I literally walked through the valley of the

shadow of death.

613

In this whole experience, I was like, I now

get that scripture.

614

David weren't just sitting there talking

about, hey, I went through the valley.

615

It's like he was going through something that

was so dark and so deep that he felt like he

616

was walking through the valley of the shadow

of death.

617

And I could relate.

618

There are some really low points in that whole

619

journey.

620

I'm there waking up at 02:00 A.m.. I can't

621

sleep because my head is pounding, because my

head's been cut open.

622

It's there.

623

And there's times I woke up screaming.

624

I'm like, more I need more medicine.

625

And nurses after rushing and inject me with

626

some steroids and all that because I was in so

much pain and it was hell.

627

There's times I didn't even have the energy to

wake up.

628

I'd be lying in bed for most of the so.

629

But my faith, what got me through this was the

630

fact that I had faith in Jesus.

631

And this isn't a theory book faith.

632

It's like literally I'm like God.

633

Like, what is we?

634

I was journaling.

635

I was talking to Jesus.

636

He was helping me to reinterpret some stuff,

and that gave me the strength to come out of

637

this.

638

There are some scriptures that I have that are

639

key to my life.

640

I can do all things through Christ who

641

strengthens me.

642

So when I'm trying to walk and my legs were

643

there trying to collapse, I'm like, I can do

all things through Christ who strengthens me.

644

I may not walk the first time or the second or

the third, but we're going to use his legs.

645

They will be used again.

646

So all of these things and for me, that's what

647

got me through this.

648

Other people go through their stuff and they

649

get through it somehow, and that's okay,

everybody each to their own.

650

But for me, without that element of a real

living faith with Jesus Christ, I would not

651

have gone through this and come out with a

healthy perspective, let's just say.

652

Because even after as I was recovering, I

spent a lot of time watching Channel Five

653

movies.

654

If anyone knows Channel Five movies, they're

655

depressing and kind of like, yeah, you just

sit there and eat and watch people sadness

656

happening on TV.

657

It's like EastEnders doom and gloom, so all of

658

that kind of stuff.

659

And for a season, I'm just like feeling sorry

660

for myself, I'm just going to sit here, get

out of shape and watch Channel Five movies.

661

I've got a legitimate excuse to.

662

But afterwards it's like that life in me

663

kicked in.

664

It's like, this is not you.

665

Get up out of those grave clothes.

666

I didn't come here to preach.

667

MaryLayo: But you're preaching anyway.

668

Preach anyway.

669

Go with the flag.

670

You've mentioned at least two scriptures so

671

far.

672

You've mentioned Psalm 23.

673

And you've also mentioned about I can do all

things through Christ that strengthens me.

674

Were there any other key scriptures to you

that you meditated on that you declared during

675

that season or even now that you link to that

time?

676

Mildred: There was a song that got me through

this after I got through the whole thing.

677

Every time I hear that, so I have to change

the station.

678

And even to the point I had to blank it out of

my memory because even though it got me

679

through it, it always takes me straight back

to that hospital bed.

680

And it's this song by the version, it's like

this, oh, God, the sin.

681

It's not overwhelming love.

682

I'm going to remember this after this podcast.

683

Literally, I had to cast this out of my mind.

684

But I am a child of God.

685

MaryLayo: Okay, I will comment with you.

686

Mildred: Singing on this podcast one of my

gifts.

687

I'm no longer a slave to fear I am a child of

God.

688

MaryLayo: I'll put it in the show notes.

689

Mildred: Yes, that song.

690

And there's a particular version by this guy,

691

I can't even remember his name is a raspy

voice.

692

But there was that version, that song I played

over and over and over and over.

693

I don't know why it was that song.

694

I don't know what it meant, but that

695

ministered to me big time in that whole month

of the hospital, so much so that it became

696

such a part of me.

697

I could not hear that song afterwards without

698

going straight back into the hospital room.

699

So I stopped listening to it for a while.

700

But that got me through as well.

701

Just those at nighttime I would play it and

702

sometimes I'd cry myself to sleep because

sometimes I couldn't sleep because it was

703

really difficult to sleep when everything's

hurting.

704

There's all of that.

705

It was just having that active relationship

706

with God.

707

Journaling some stuff down.

708

I didn't always get an answer.

709

I didn't always hear back.

710

Sometimes I'd write stuff and I'm like ask

good questions and I didn't hear anything

711

straight away, but I just had this peace that

God was with me in this whole thing, that I

712

was going through the valley of the shadow of

death and he was with me.

713

That was the peace that I had throughout the

whole thing.

714

I had peace.

715

That's where that came from.

716

MaryLayo: Oh, gosh.

717

After all that's happened all that time, what

718

would you say are the key things that you

learned about yourself?

719

Because I'm sure there were some surprises

along the way, but also there definitely would

720

have been learnings about you as an

individual.

721

Mildred: Yeah, no, definitely there was

learnings about me.

722

But it's also on a wider basis as well, this

whole thing of if you would have said to me,

723

mildred, you can go for a brain tumor.

724

You can have, like, a six hour surgery, spend

725

three days in intensive care, black out for

three months, learn to walk again over eight

726

months and drive and all of that kind of

stuff, you can do it.

727

I'll be like, no way, no way.

728

Don't give that to me.

729

I can't handle that.

730

I watch these movies when they torture someone

731

to give up the secrets.

732

And I'm like, these people are brave.

733

The first pin that poked me, I would have

given up everything.

734

You would have disclosed it, all the secrets.

735

But to then have gone through such hardship

736

physically and recover from it is something I

knew I had some resilience, but I didn't know

737

just how much I had in me.

738

And I think that's the same for all of us,

739

that you just don't know how strong you are

until you go through something that requires

740

you to be strong.

741

MaryLayo: True.

742

Mildred: So that's one of the learnings.

743

I was like, wow, that's amazing.

744

And then also, what it also allowed me to do

coming out of that is, as I said, I was kind

745

of all, go beyond that.

746

And then God uses time to rest.

747

And then so it's like, how do I implement rest

as a part of what I do on a regular thing?

748

And by rest, I don't just means falling

asleep.

749

But one of the things is, like, the word is

for me is like I read it in a book, I can't

750

remember what the book was about.

751

Creating margins in your life so that you're

752

not full on.

753

So the idea of margins is it's like if you

754

have a lined page, you have this page.

755

There's margins on the side, so you're right

756

in the middle, but there's space on the side.

757

So this idea of, like, most of us, we live in

758

a place where we have no margins.

759

Our life is full on.

760

So if someone has a need, for example, we

can't stop and meet that need because we're

761

busy.

762

We're going from this appointment to that one.

763

We're doing this, we're doing that.

764

And that was me busy.

765

After that, I learned slowly over the years.

766

It took some years, but I learned to put

767

boundaries.

768

I run my own business, so I've learned to put

769

boundaries in my business, which allows me to

have margins.

770

So I don't do meetings before 10:00, for

example, is one of them.

771

I don't do evening sessions.

772

Wednesdays are me dates.

773

I have on my own to do whatever I want, go

cinema if I want to.

774

Fridays are me and my husband.

775

We have our date days at the kids are at

776

school, that kind of thing.

777

Is that putting boundaries in place so that

778

you can live life at a better quality, a much

better quality of life.

779

And that's one of the outcomes that's come out

of this whole experience that I'm really

780

grateful for as well.

781

MaryLayo: I think you've really said it

already, but if you can just really share how

782

this experience has actually changed the way

that you view life now yeah, that would be

783

good.

784

Mildred: Yeah. I've always been somebody who

kind of I think that life is too short.

785

I always say life is too short to do a job

that you hate.

786

So I've never done a job that I hate for very

long at all, really, in my entire career.

787

We spend so much of our work lives, of our

lives at work.

788

You can't afford to be spending every day

doing things that you don't love, things that

789

are not in your purpose.

790

Is there a season where you're going to have

791

to do something you don't like?

Whether to get through it to pay the bills or

792

whatever for a season?

Support your family?

793

Yes.

794

Okay.

795

But that should not be your everyday forever.

796

So that whole thing about just kind of really

797

knowing that tomorrow is not promised to any

one of us, you don't know.

798

And this is not to walk around feeling

paranoid like, oh, I don't know, I'm going to

799

die tomorrow, I'm going to get brain tumor

tomorrow.

800

It's not that, but live life with urgency,

knowing that you only have today, so make

801

today count.

802

And then if you wake up again tomorrow, that's

803

a fresh today.

804

Make that day count and the day after, make it

805

count.

806

Don't invest time, energy, effort, resources,

807

and things that don't have eternal value.

808

Don't also spend your time doing things that

809

you don't love that are not according to your

purpose, like make today count.

810

So that's like a big message that I would love

to get out there so you don't have to have a

811

brain tumor to realize how important life is.

812

But your life matters, and today's the day to

813

start making it matter if it already isn't how

you want it to be.

814

Those dreams that you're putting off for when

you retire at 70 or whatever, bring them

815

forward because you might not get to 70.

816

I don't want to end on a downer.

817

MaryLayo: So let's close with this.

818

She says, if someone's going through a similar

819

adversity, what would you like to say to them?

Because I know you're very that one of the

820

things I've picked up from your post on

LinkedIn is how you offer to support people.

821

If someone is going through something similar,

what would you like to say to them that you

822

feel could help?

823

Mildred: Yes, I did put that on the post where

I spoke about the four year anniversary.

824

I did say kind of if anyone's going through

because you just don't know, looking at

825

someone, what they're going through or what

they've been through.

826

So we really do have to have compassion and

kindness towards each other.

827

You just don't know what people are going

through.

828

So if you're going through something right now

and you're listening to this, the very fact

829

that you're still here means that you are a

champion, that you are a warrior, that you got

830

this, you can do this, you can get through

this.

831

There have been many, many people, I'm not the

only one who survived something as traumatic

832

as a brain tumor and went on to live and live

even fuller.

833

You can do the same.

834

And I'm absolutely, 110% praying for you,

835

rooting for you.

836

You've got this, you can do this.

837

MaryLayo: Thank you so much, Mildred.

838

You've really been a blessing in terms of how

839

you've freely spoken about your journey.

840

There's been no bars you've just given because

841

you want to be open, you want to be able to

encourage others.

842

You want someone, people, you want them to

really draw from your experience so that they

843

know that they're not alone and that they

could come out on the other side just like you

844

have.

845

So thank you so much for that advice and that

846

sharing.

847

Mildred: Thank you so much, Mary. It's been a

real pleasure.

848

Yeah, I'm more than happy to help.

849

I hope it has helped somebody.

850

MaryLayo: Mildred shared a few scriptures that

helped her.

851

So here they are for you to meditate on.

852

The first is Philippians, chapter four, verse

853

13.

854

I can do all things through Christ who

855

strengthens me.

856

She also mentioned a scripture about trials

857

and tribulations, which is John, chapter 16,

verse 33.

858

I have said these things to you that in me you

may have peace in the world, you will have

859

tribulation, but take heart.

860

I have overcome the world.

861

Finally, Mildred mentions Psalm 23

specifically verse four.

862

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the

shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you

863

are with me.

864

Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

865

Thank you for listening.

866

MaryLayo: Do follow and join me again next.

867

MaryLayo: Time on Marylayo Talks Beyond the

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