One of our least favorite agains as mothers: repeating ourselves again and again! Enter the "Every Day Before You Say Chart"! This resource is incredibly practical and effective at helping children develop godly disciplines, habits, and routines. It is an easily-manageable system that guides your children in developing initiative. Christian parents will be happy to learn that this is sooo much more than a chore chart. Listen in to hear Betsy and Stephanie explain the heart behind it, and then head to the Entrusted Ministries website to learn more. This printed resource will be available beginning Black Friday for a limited time, so be ready to get your printed pack of charts!

Scriptures mentioned:

Hebrews 11:6

Daniel 3: 16-18

Proverbs 6:6-8

They're the joyful agains our children shout on the swings, the

2

exhausting agains of cooking and laundry,

and the difficult agains of discipline.

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So much of what we do

as mothers is on repeat.

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So what if we woke up with clarity,

knowing which agains we were called

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to, and went to bed believing we

are faithful in what matters most?

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We believe God's word is

the key to untangle from the

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confusion and overwhelm we feel.

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Let's look up together to embrace a

motherhood full of freedom and joy.

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Thank you so much for listening

to the again, podcast.

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This is brought to you by

interested ministries and I'm

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your host, Stephanie Hickox.

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Today, I'm joined by Betsy Corning

or aunt Betsy as I call her.

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And we're going to talk about something

incredibly memorable if you've ever

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taken and trusted with a child's heart.

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You're sure to remember the chart.

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It's commonly referred to as

that, but the official name is the

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every day before you say chart.

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It's an incredible resource that Betsy

developed when her kids were young.

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And I can absolutely vouch

for the effectiveness

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before we get to that conversation,

I would like to mention something

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about the last few episodes.

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We've focused heavily on the

blessings of obedience and the

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blessings of fearing the Lord.

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And they truly are all over scripture.

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. BUt I wanted to make sure it was clear.

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That we aren't teaching our

children to obey for the blessings.

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And we don't fear God for the blessings.

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We love honor and obey

him because he's worthy.

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It's in his character to bless us though.

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Hebrews 11, six states.

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And without faith, it is

impossible to please him.

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For whoever would draw near to

God must believe that he exists.

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And that he rewards those who seek him.

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We actually, please God, when

we believe in his goodness.

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And I love that opportunity to teach

our children that God is a rewarder.

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That one, we live with faith

and we believe in his goodness.

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And his mightiness his majesty

that he is the God of creation.

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That he is the God who set

up a plan of salvation.

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Even before that.

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And that he is the God who is

near and can solve our problems.

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He is pleased by that faith.

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I also thought about many

examples in scripture.

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Specifically Shadrach, Meshach

and Abednego came to mind.

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When questioned if they were

going to refuse to serve.

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The image that never

can answer had set up.

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They said, oh, Nebuchadnezzar.

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We have no need to answer

you in this matter.

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If this be, so our God whom

we serve is able to deliver us

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from the burning fiery furnace

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and he will deliver us out of your hand

oaking, but if not be it known to you.

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Okay.

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That we will not serve your

gods or worship the golden

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image that you have set up.

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This is such a beautiful example.

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Of the fear of God.

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Because they understand that

they may be giving their lives.

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But they know that God is worthy.

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What an excellent model

as we chain our children.

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Integrity.

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Doesn't always seem to be

rewarded on this earth.

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But he turned 30.

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It is.

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let's continue to teach our children.

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To be motivated.

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By a pure heart.

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That honors the God of the universe.

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Because he is so worthy.

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before we get to today's episode,

I'm going to remind you of what's

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to come in the next month or so.

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Next week, Emily and I will be joining

you for a special episode, talking

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about our Thanksgiving traditions.

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And after that we'll have a Thanksgiving

devotional and then we'll dive into

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Christmas and advent traditions.

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As well as talking about some

ideas for reading through the

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Bible and new year's traditions.

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We have some natural

solutions coming your way.

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For cleaning ideas, beauty and

solving health issues that you

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certainly encounter as a mom.

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we've got a lot coming we hope

you stay tuned and are spreading

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the word to your friends

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Alright, today I am joined by Aunt

Betsy, or Betsy Corning, hello, and

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we are going to talk about the chart.

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The Every Day Before You Say chart,

and this is an amazing resource

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that Betsy developed when her kids

were younger, what is the phrase you

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use that Necessity is the author of

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the mother of Invention,

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Betsy: they say, yes.

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And I think that's so true.

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So when I was at the point of my

children being, late preschool and up to

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sixth grade, I thought, how can I help

them develop some disciplines without

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having to constantly be reminding them?

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So this is What you said the every

day before you say, so I don't have

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to feel like I'm saying or reminding

them constantly, but that they can self

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motivate to accomplish these things.

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And they're also motivated by a little

reward at the end of the month, but

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it's a delayed gratification because

they really have to be patient,

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they really have to work for it.

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Steph: And I think we can all

relate that we appreciate a little

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accountability or a little motivation

and when you write something down,

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it's helpful to be faithful with it.

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And I really love how this is not a chore

chart, although you may include a few

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chores on it to help your children develop

faithfulness or initiative, it really is

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helpful in stewarding their character.

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And taking things that you've already

trained them in, and, setting that

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expectation that this is something that

mom expects you to do before you're asked,

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and to stay consistent and faithful in it.

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Betsy: And if they don't do it, then

they don't do it, and they don't get the

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reward for it, which is the payout at

the end of the month, or the reward of

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actually developing the good habit of it.

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Of course, that's the main goal that

we're trying to do there with the kids.

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So what would some of

these tasks or disciplines?

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Possibly be.

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And I would say.

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You're going to gauge these according

to the age of your children.

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So if you have children ranging from

age three to sixth grade, you're

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going to want to include the three

year old because they just want to

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be a part of what everybody's doing.

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So you can put a couple things in

there just saying, did you pick up your

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shoes and put them away or did you put

your laundry in the laundry bin and

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they can get a point for that or...

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Certain things like that are simple

for them so they're included and then

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of course the other tasks for your

older children would be a little bit

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more difficult and probably a little

bit higher reward and for an example

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of that I would say homework complete

By 7 o'clock, they come home from

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school, they get a little bit of time,

just down time, but then they need to

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manage their time well and get on the

homework so that they're not saying at 9.

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30 or 9, I didn't get my homework done.

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And that would be different for you.

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How would that look

different for you, Steffi?

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Steph: Sure.

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As a homeschooler, I expect them

to be done with their work around 3

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if possible, and if they diligently

complete their schoolwork and are done

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at 3, that's a couple points each day,

is it a problem if they finish at 4?

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No, not really for me.

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That's fine.

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If that's how they want to steward

their time, but they learn, wow, I

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was really efficient, and I got that

streamlined, and then I was able to

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have a lot more free time to play.

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Instead of, the day that I took

many breaks throughout the day.

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That didn't go as well for me.

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But I love them learning that now.

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Instead of, in college they're

really developing those skills

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and, whether you homeschool or your

children go to school somewhere else.

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I think that's such a

great thing to steward.

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Also, the morning routine is really

important to me that my children are

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going to their Bible without being

asked and brushing their teeth and.

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I would like for the bed to be made,

but I have to admit I'm a little bit

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lax with that these days because of

their lofts and bunk beds and things.

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But

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MIC2: I

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can't

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Betsy: make those either

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Steph: And but I'll put certain things

like I want all of the, the pajamas in

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the hamper, and you to be dressed, teeth

brushed, Bible read, and breakfast eaten

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Betsy: wow.

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Imagine having those things done and

you didn't even have to say anything.

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They did it before you said it, and

that's the thing at in the evening,

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you would mark the chart and you would

give them the designated points for

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the tasks that they did that day.

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And I don't even know if I would,

they are tasks, but they're more

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something that you wanna discipline

in their lives like you want.

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I want them to be diligent about it.

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I guess we could say that we're really

building good habits, good solid habits.

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Do we want them to brush

their teeth twice a day?

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Yes.

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But if they don't, they're

not going to get their points.

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If they don't hang their wet towel up,

they're just not going to get the points.

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If they don't get their homework done,

they're just not going to get the points.

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And by the end of the

month, they see that.

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I wish I would have hung my

towels up and brushed my teeth.

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That should be the easiest

one to get the points for,

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Steph: right?

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It really is neat to see every month when

they come downstairs and they'll see the

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new chart on the fridge and I like to

decorate them according to the month.

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As I know you always did, Aunt Betsy,

and they'll get very excited about

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it and then they'll look, Oh, what

is mom really looking for this month?

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And there will be some things that,

Reading your Bible faithfully, that's

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always something I'm looking for, but

there'll be a new thing that okay we

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need to practice kindness more, and so

when I see you going out of your way to

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be thoughtful or kind to someone, then

that's going to be a point this month,

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because I really want to encourage that.

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Betsy: And I like to encourage

things between siblings.

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So I might say, can you help your

younger sibling learn in a won verse?

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And that would be a

certain number of points.

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Or would you read to

the youngest one or the.

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Next to the youngest one, or whatever,

and a certain number, reading 15 minutes

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a day can get them two points, and I'm not

even having to say, you need to do this,

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or would you do this, while I'm making

dinner, they're reading to their sibling,

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and that just frees me up a little bit.

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Steph: And that's fantastic, because

Taking what could be a competitive

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situation of the chart, now you're

turning it into something that's

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building the sibling relationships.

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And after that is gone from the

chart, that might be a habit

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that they've developed that they

continue to do, and realize, oh,

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that was a fun time when we read

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MIC2: And

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Betsy: the way that you do that, yeah,

they might just want to keep doing

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that whether it's on the chart or

not, and that's the goal, isn't it?

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So the next month you might

not put that on at all.

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Maybe they got tons of points this month

for that and you might put it on the

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next month or you might take it off.

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But it'll reappear again at some time and

you'll know whether they kept doing it

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or not if they learned the good habit.

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So there's an ebb and flow to this for

sure and you have to wade out their

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They're ebbs and flows sometimes, but we

as moms have to be consistent because,

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just because they have a month where

they just don't feel like doing any of

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this, to some point, you have to say

you can't go to school in your pajamas,

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or maybe you can at your house, I don't

know, but You are working on these things

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together and it's, it's really amazing

how they will even spur each other on or

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they may be competitive with each other.

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And that's not a bad thing either, because

at the end of the month, maybe one of

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them worked really hard and they had a

higher reward and the other one will say.

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Now I really wish I would have

worked harder and then they're

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eager to go the next month.

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But kids have different

temperaments and so you can watch

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this develop in your children.

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I just found it really useful.

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It was so useful to us that we did it

for many years and my kids remember me

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coming out the beginning of the month.

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You definitely had to have that chart

ready by the first of the month.

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And they'd be so excited to see what did

it look like this month, what does mom

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have on there, what came off, because

you want to keep it new and fresh so

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that they're excited about doing it.

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And you might have something on

there also that you think, let's

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see if we can do this that you

don't have any screen time today.

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And I will make that a lot of points.

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If you can just, avoid any

kind of screen time today.

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Providing you don't have

to do something for school.

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That could get you a lot of points.

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Maybe you do something maybe,

so maybe it's like that.

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So it's not just necessarily that

you do something, but maybe it's

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that you are not doing something.

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Steph: It really reminds me of...

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A verse that you use in Troopers, the

coordinating curriculum to Entrusted

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with a Child's Heart, to teach the

children this concept of initiative.

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And Proverbs 6, 6 8 says,

Go to the Aunt O'Sluggard,

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consider her ways, and be wise.

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Without having any chief officer

or ruler, she prepares her bread in

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summer, and gathers her food in harvest.

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This is such a Biblical principle that

we reap what we sow often in life.

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And so we're training our children that,

yes, put in the hard work, put in the

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diligence, develop these great habits.

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And there is a blessing

that comes from that.

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I think, we can all relate to.

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You can't just start flossing

a couple days before you go to

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the dentist, maybe some people

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could

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get away with it, I know,

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Betsy: think

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Steph: THat might have been one of the key

lessons in my 30s, that maintaining things

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is so much better than this mad dash,

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Betsy: now I have a bad story but my

husband who has never had a cavity in

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his life and he doesn't floss either

it's so maddening because I'm like

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always doing all these things but he

goes to the dentist and the hygienist

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says when did you last floss your teeth

and he's like Well, the better question

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would be, when did you last lost 19?

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And I feel like, Oh my

goodness, that's pretty bad.

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Steph: Oh, that's so funny.

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some people can get away with

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Betsy: That was a friend

of a friend that I know.

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Yeah.

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Okay.

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So back to the chart a little bit.

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I think that it was so helpful to us.

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Maybe it's something that would

be helpful to you or maybe not.

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I think Stephanie will have some pictures

up so you can follow along with, so it'll

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make more sense with what we're saying.

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. But at the end of the

month, you assign a certain.

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monetary value to each point.

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Maybe it's a dime.

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Maybe it's a quarter.

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Certainly, I don't think more than that.

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But you don't want them to get,

be getting too terribly much

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money at the end of the month.

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But then you put a little bit away

for savings, a little bit away for

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some charitable service project or

person, compassion or whatever it is.

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And then then they have some spending

money, but it's also teaching them really

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how to manage their money a little bit.

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And if they got very little month,

then they're pretty much motivated

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to pick it up for the next month.

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And I would say this isn't really

effective with somebody over sixth

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grade because at that point they will

start babysitting and get fifteen,

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twenty dollars an hour, which is what

they might get in a month in the chart.

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That sort of is that transition period.

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But for younger kids in grade school

together, grammar school, they...

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They really, it was so effective.

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Only mom can write on the chart.

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That was the rule.

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Except dad, if he came in and

had a definite demerit that was,

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it was called dad's demerit.

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He wrote it in red and you definitely

never wanted to get one of those.

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But only a couple demerits possible

where there's, four to six or more

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ways that they can earn the money.

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And the demerits were only, usually

they would be one, minus one point.

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I think a dad's demerit was

actually minus 10 points.

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But, you just pretty much never

wanted to have that on the chart.

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And of course, if we had that on there,

we didn't really necessarily have

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the chart out for everybody to see.

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But, usually hung on the refrigerator.

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I've got to get them out and show them

to the kids now and see what they'd say.

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But yeah, that it just

was so effective for us.

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Steph: I took a break off from the chart

this last month and I've thought, man, I'm

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doing a lot more of the housework because

it's just nice for my kids to have that

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visual reminder and it's just so helpful

but something I developed a couple months

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ago is that they each have a May chore A

must chore and a get out the door chore.

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The may chore is something that's really

helpful, but they don't have to do

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it, but they can earn a point for it.

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The must chore is, okay, maybe one of

them has to wipe off The toothpaste on

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the bathroom counters every day and one

of them needs to sweep the hardwood floors

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and another one fills up our Berkey water

filter and another one sets the table,

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and they're all age appropriate for them.

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That's been really helpful and then I

realized, when we need to get out the

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door one of them can fill up the water

bottles, one of them can make sure that

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the bunny has everything they need.

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Another can gather any activities.

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And then another one might help me gather

swimsuits or blankets or beach towels.

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Wow, this is helping me quite a bit.

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And it didn't take very long.

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These are all things

they're capable of doing.

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It was just to be able to put it on the

chart and say, this is my expectation

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that if we're going to go somewhere

fun, I need a little help for it.

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And so it's neat to see how you can

think about the things, maybe the pain

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points in your parenting, the things

that you are reminding too much, the

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things that you're hoping you see more.

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or just some of those struggles and

if you've really trained them in them

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then maybe you just need something

like the chart to reinforce and remind

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them that this is an expectation

and let's stay faithful in this.

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Betsy: I think it was great what

you said as far as you stopped doing

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the chart for one month and the

difference that you could see, they

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just and this is true because it's

not really an ingrained habit yet.

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And so sometimes that's helpful to see.

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buT that's the.

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point of it.

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Like we, if we're really going to do

it, we don't want to give up easily.

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We want to be consistent.

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And so if we're consistent and we drop

off one item one month we can kind of

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see, it's really interesting for us as

moms to watch our kids with different

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temperaments and how they take to

it and what they will strive for.

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And what is motivates them, but but

over time with their learning that they

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are, we want them to be intrinsically

motivated and over time that kind of

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takes place, but you have to ride out

those waves of the ebb and flow and be

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consistent yourself to really make it

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Steph: efficien.

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. Yes.

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And I think anchoring the point

giving at the end of the night to

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something that you do consistently.

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For us, I do our vitamins at night, and

as they're taking their vitamins, I pull

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out the chart and we give the points then.

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And since that's something I

faithfully do every night with the

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vitamins, I know I'm going to be

faithful with the chart as well.

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That's very helpful to

be consistent with it.

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MIC2: So that's very they would

come down by the kitchen table and

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we would just, be doing that last

little drink of water or whatever.

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We'd mark the chart.

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They'd sit around and then...

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We'd go up to bed.

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So that was it.

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What would be more discouraging

than you say you could earn these

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points, but then we're not there

every day to mark the points.

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So it take some consistency

on mom's part to do this.

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Some people are big systems

people and some people aren't.

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It might not be for everyone, but it

was very effective for our household.

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Steph: And I think it, it targets so

many different goals that we have with

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our kids that it's really, if you're

not a big systems person, I would say

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this is ideal because it's one system

with so much fruit and I just think we

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need to be careful to not have too many

systems, too many routines for our kids.

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We want to make sure that they

know what are the really important

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things that we're striving for.

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What are the big goals that we have?

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I've also heard one mom said, I

tried the chart and I gave my daughter

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a demerit and she had a meltdown.

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So I don't think the

chart's gonna work for us.

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But I said, no, actually the chart is

pointing out an opportunity for you to

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address that your daughter really maybe

is too hard on herself when she fails,

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or maybe she's trying to manipulate you.

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There's a lot going on there, and

the chart isn't the problem it's

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an opportunity to steward that or

sometimes maybe we're going to see

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competition between the siblings, but.

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Isn't it a great thing to teach our

kids, when you work hard, there is often

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a bonus at the end and someday you're

going to have a boss and it's going to

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be important that you're diligent and,

ultimately we're teaching that they do

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this all before the Lord, but I think

it's healthy to teach, yes, you're right,

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your sibling worked really hard and that's

why they got more money than you, but

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you had the same opportunity and next

month you're going to have a chance.

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To earn that much money as well.

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And so are you gonna give up because

there's a little competition?

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Or are you gonna take

that same opportunity?

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MIC2: And I think if we look at this

beyond just sort of a mechanical exercise,

389

but an opportunity to see into sort of

some finer inner workings of our kids

390

and their temperaments, that we can help

them build good habits and disciplines in

391

life by just, you do, when you do this,

you start to see those things come out.

392

And it's really interesting.

393

Steph: It is.

394

I definitely notice different

patterns in my children.

395

Some are, have...

396

Such tremendous initiative, but then they

might have a little bit more propensity

397

to earn demerits, and I might have a

laid back one, and he's not going to get

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very many demerits, but he might not be

getting as many for taking initiative in

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things and you see how this really refines

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Those areas that sandpaper.

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Betsy: Yes.

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So if there's something that wasn't

really clear in what we explained

403

here, it is on our website, and

Steph can tell you more about that.

404

Absolutely.

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I'm really, really excited because we

have a sale coming up, a TIS the season

406

sale, it's going to go live on black

Friday and last for several weeks we're

407

going to have two items featured.

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The first is the chart.

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We have printed out 11 by 17

and really great paper that will

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hold up for the whole month and

you can decorate it yourselves.

411

It is a 24 pack.

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So this'll last you for two

years and those are going to

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be for sale on our website.

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For a limited time, we only

have a limited number of them.

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please be looking for that.

416

And black Friday.

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We will also have the interested with

the child's heart book for couples.

418

Normally this book is $25, but it

is going to be on sale for $15.

419

And if you've been listening

and you're thinking, how can

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I get my husband on board?

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That's exactly why Betsy and David

wrote this book together to help bring

422

the truths of God's word to couples.

423

It's really comprehensive and you

can take your time going through it.

424

in the meantime, if you feel like

I can not wait until black Friday,

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I need to print out a copy of this

right now you can head to our website.

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And trusted ministries.com.

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On the resource page and we have

all the details about the chart.

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And you can even print off a copy.

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Of course, you might not have a

very large printer at home to use,

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but We encourage you to start,

even if you have to start small.

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And we are so grateful for your support.

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We ask that you would consider

following us on social media,

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on Instagram or Facebook.

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Or writing a review.

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did you know that I pray

over you after every episode?

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We know that you are doing

some hard work at home.

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And it can feel weary and

discouraging and some days you're

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not seeing very much fruit.

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So stick around so we can

pray some scripture over you.

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You got this mama

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Steph: We know you're busy, Mama,

so we are truly grateful you joined

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us for this episode of Again.

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If you're looking for more information

about building your home on the

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foundation of Jesus Christ, head to www.

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EntrustedMinistries.

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com to learn more about our study for

moms, Entrusted with a Child's Heart.

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This scripture saturated study

has blessed families around the

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world, and we want it for you, too.

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Before you go, I want to pray

this benediction over you

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from 2 Thessalonians 1, 11 12.

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We're rooting for you.

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To this end, we always pray for you,

that our God may make you worthy of His

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calling, and may fulfill every resolve

for good, and every work of faith by

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His power, so that the name of our Lord

Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in

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Him, according to the grace of our God.

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And the Lord Jesus Christ.

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Amen.

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Until we meet again.