Penny interviews a charming shapeshifter named Uisce (call her "ooooh!"), a selkie! She's an elephant seal with her skin on, human when she rips her skin off. And she gets along a little too well with Sibyl the oracle...

Uisce the selkie sounds strikingly similar to Jolene Cotnoir, whom you can find on twitter at @bonesjolene, and whose delightful podcast PARANATURAL SUPPORT SERVICES TEAM tweets at @psstcast.

Penny Cephalonia sounds a lot like Rebecca Hicks, on Twitter at @RHicks.

Sibyl Corvin's voice bears an uncanny resemblance to that of Jaci Szilagyi, who twitters at @jekyllyn.

Music is by TJ, the empathic vampire! Learn more or get your own awesome music at https://linktr.ee/afkai.

Sound editing by Sibyl's doppelganger Jaci.

Check out the art of Penny's vocal doppelganger at lunaseastudios.storenvy.com!

Follow THE GORGON SHOW on Twitter at @GorgonShow, or email us at gorgonshow@faustiannonsense.com. See transcripts at faustiannonsense.com/gorgon-show.

THE GORGON SHOW is a proud member of the Faustian Nonsense network. Check out other projects by FN at faustiannonsense.com.

If you'd like to support the show, and the independent creators of FN, you can become a patron at patreon.com/faustiannonsense and earn our boundless and eternal gratitude! Sign up for the crossroads tier to get early access to episodes of original series like THE GORGON SHOW!

Note from Sibyl: You'll also hear a trailer for an awesome podcast called Of Mice and Men and Monsters! The gods told me I'd like it, and they were right as always--and I sense that you'll love it too! Check it out at their website, www.omamam.com, or on your favorite podcast platform.

Mentioned in this episode:

Finding Monster Right is a hilarious podcast in which Adam and Allie answer questions you've never asked about monsters from folklore, pop culture, and our own world. Find them wherever you get your podcasts, and on twitter at @MonsterRightPod!

Uisce 0:00

Sometimes they see a mermaid with legs and stuff that comes with legs. And let me tell you, I've talked to my mermaid friends, and they end up with a lot of questions that they don't want to answer.

Penny 0:26

Hi, you're listening to the Gorgon Show, a podcast about being a monster in a human world. I'm your host Penny Cephalonia. And I'm a Gorgon. We have a question from one of our listeners everyone

Zappa 0:39

Yay listeners they're like the best!

Forbes 0:43

yep they're the best because listeners equals sweet advertising moolah

Johann 0:47

No Forbes it's not about the money it's about listeners getting to enjoy my music. Hiss hiss hiss hiss!

Penny 0:55

We have many wonderful listeners monster and human and we appreciate them just for being who they are. Don't we snakes?

Snakes together 1:05

Yes!

Penny 1:05

Our very first question comes from human listener Curiouser and curiouser. Who asks, do you put little sleepy hats on every snake before bed and brush all their teeth? What a delightfully whimsical question. curiouser

Zappa 1:21

Oh my gods. I want sleep hats.

Penny 1:25

No Zappa. I think that might be a bit much. So no curiouser. I don't put hats on their little heads. But we do practice good dental hygiene because snakes with healthy fangs are happy snakes. They do not need their teeth brushed, but I frequently inspect your mouths for signs of breakage and oral disease. And we make an annual visit to a veterinarian who specializes in snakes to get a checkup. Remember that nice vet that gently cleaned your plaque buildup because you've been eating too many donuts?

Duncan 1:55

Doughnuts!

Penny 1:59

I know visiting the vet isn't fun Duncan, but it is important. Thank you so much for your question. Curiouser and curiouser. Please feel free to ask more questions, listeners. Follow me on Twitter at Gorgon show and ask me your questions there. And while you're there, tell me where I can find tiny sleeping caps, just in case I might need them.

Snakes together 2:21

Sleep hats sleep hats sleep hats!

Duncan 2:23

Doughnuts!

Penny 2:25

Okay, I regret my choices. But I don't regret telling you about one of our wonderful advertisers. And then introducing today's guest.

My podcast is produced by myself, my snakes, and my roommate Sybil, but I dream of having a staff of talented monsters to help create quality content for you wonderful listeners. And when I am ready to hire, I'll use full moon recruitment services. If you are an employer, full moon will find the perfect employees for your company's needs. Simply describe the position you need filled, click when the moon is full, and they will hunt down the perfect monster for the job. And that monster won't have a choice but to work for you because an army of werewolves will drag them to your office. That part of the service is free. Biting your new employee and turning them into a werewolf does cost extra though. And that's only recommended for companies that offer good health insurance. If you're a small to medium size monster business, full moon recruiting will sniff out the help you need poster child at the next full moon and be sure to mention the Gorgon show to get two employees hunted down and dragged to work for you. For the price of one posting.

Please welcome our guest, Uisce. a selkie. Am I pronouncing that right?

Uisce 3:43

Yeah, it's Uisce. Lately, I've been going by Ooh though.

Penny 3:47

Ooh, and you pronounced it like ooh,

Uisce 3:51

Like, ooh, like like there's some kind of like, I'm trying to bring back the mystery in my life. And so I think just by like coming in with like, the almost onomotopeia it's it's kind of really...it hits ya.

Penny 4:03

Oh, that is that is so fun. You know, I don't know if I've mentioned this on my podcast yet, but the name Penny is actually short for Serpentia. You know, serpent? My parents were not. Not original when it came to naming me, but I still appreciate it. So hooray for cool names. Ooh, I like that.

Uisce 4:26

See? I thought when when you name is Penny that you're named after? You know the one cent piece but

Penny 4:31

oh, no,

Uisce 4:32

that's also good.

Penny 4:33

I I'm at least a quarter he i I'm worth at least 25 cents in human currency. That was a joke. I think the humans call it self deprecating. Anyway, oh, I'm going to enjoy saying your name this podcast. Welcome so much to the Gorgon show. Thank you for being here.

Uisce 4:52

thank you so so much for inviting me. It's not too often I get in front of a microphone. They don't operate Well underwater, so I kind of tried my best.

Penny 5:03

I really appreciate making you that you made accommodations to to be on my podcast. I know it can be difficult sometimes going between the world of land and water. But for any of our listeners who are not familiar with what a selkie is, whether you're human or a fellow monster like me, what? What do you want humans and fellow monsters to know? About selkies?

Uisce 5:31

Well, I'm glad you asked. So as a selkie, half the time we spend on this planet earth we spend as a giant seal and that's what I am right now. I'm a giant seal. I happen to be an elephant seal. and I'm a pretty big elephant seal too. And we exist in the ocean and sometimes wanderlust gets a hold of us on special nights. Solstices equinoxes, things like that. And during that time, we we shed our skin we, we we tear apart ourselves and we become human for short periods of time. And then we put back on our skin and and then we're we're seals again.

Penny 6:10

Wait you shed your skin.

Uisce 6:14

Well, okay, shed is a bit of a misnomer. I'm really sorry. What I meant to say was we tear off our skin.

Penny 6:19

Yes. Oh. Oh, that sounds that sounds intense. Does Does it hurt? Is that rude to ask that?

Uisce 6:27

No. Hang on. You don't shed aren't you? Aren't you full of snakes? Don't they shed?

Penny 6:34

Um,

Johann 6:35

we prefer the term molting.

Penny 6:38

Yes, thanks. Oh, thank you, Johan.

Zappa 6:40

Oh my god melting is kind of fun because it's like you have no idea what outfit you're going to have on underneath like your original skin, but it actually winds up like being the same like like outfit really. So it kind of can be disappointing sometimes. But I always have

Penny 6:57

Okay, thank you. Thank you, Zappa. Thank you. I appreciate that very much. Yes, my my snakes do molt and it can make my life quite interesting, but it's not really tearing is not what happens. Would would you mind explaining? tearing your skin off?

Uisce 7:15

Yeah. Oh, it's actually pretty easy. We just kind of you have to find the right spot. I think mine's around here. And then I'm just gonna do a little bit and then I can just and there we go.

Penny 7:31

Oh, that.

Uisce 7:32

I hope that came through the audio.

Penny 7:34

Yes, I'm a little glad that I'm not doing a video of this right now. Because I think that might I think the term might be wig out some of my listeners, but oh my goodness gracious that does look and sound intense.

Uisce 7:53

I don't know. It's, it's, it's just part of who I am. It's you know, when I go see the humans which sometimes the selkie term for humans is single skins. Cuz they don't really didn't really change that much. We don't we don't really know like, why they do it like they were they wear clothing and and clothing is uncomfortable. Like, why would you do that when you have a perfectly serviceable skin that always fits you like a glove. When I wear mine, I can swim in the water, I can be free. And humans put on clothes so they can be at places. I don't fully get it. But I've lived enough as a human that I'm kind of useful, but it's very stuffy and I don't I don't particularly like it very much.

Penny 8:34

So so you're very, you're very proud of your own skin. I think that's wonderful.

Uisce 8:40

Yeah, I selkies are, we're proud folk, we we spend a lot of time amongst ourselves. But you know, sometimes we get curious about other things. And wander off,

Penny 8:51

I think that's absolutely wonderful. Ooh, as for clothing, there, there are days where I regret my choices. In walking amongst humans. And I know that I have not made you know, the best fashion decision for that day. But I'm not quite sure why humans wear the clothing but I do simply because I don't want to be arrested. And and I've been told that in most human habitations with some exceptions, like, oh, Portland, Oregon, you have to wear clothing, or else you're going to have a very bad day.

Uisce 9:27

Oh yeah that's definitely the way their society works is so backwards. I don't understand it. And they're also like married to the idea that they have to get dressed and go to work and make money so they can go back home and then do it all over again. It's awful, it's restricting. It's not fun. You can't even hold your breath for long periods underwater. Why would you even do any of it? I don't, I don't understand it. I love humans. They're very fun, but like I don't understand them at all.

Penny 9:59

I I feel the same way sometimes I'm quite fascinated by them and I love my human friends but but sometimes they really do make me stop and just go. What the fuck? So

Uisce: 10:10

yep

Penny: 10:11

selkie this I really I'm so blown away I had no idea that you tore your skin like that that's absolutely remarkable to me. But you as an individual, what would you like our listeners to know about you? Ooh, the individual selkie

Uisce: 10:29

Well, I'm actually back in the ocean after several years on on land, I was in this kind of like long term relationship with this human man. And it was getting old, mostly because he found my skin after I was frolicking on the beach. And so I decided to spend some time with him to get my skin back. And, and after all that time, I was getting kind of bored, and I finally managed to find it. He put it in his sock drawer. I grabbed it. I ran out to see and now I'm back and I'm playing the field again. And I'm on the prowl.

Penny: 11:04

Oh, oh. You know, humans have these dating apps on their phones. I don't know how waterproof phones have gotten so I can't really say can recommend a phone to you since since you're underwater now. But

Uisce: 11:18

I have one I've been using. I've been using bubbler.

Penny: 11:22

Oh okay, good. I'm not so familiar with dating apps for monsters. Oh, that's fantastic. Oh, yeah,

Uisce: 11:28

it's really wonderful. The problem comes is when you when you're trying to date like aquatic monsters, it can get a bit confusing with some of the monsters who spend more time with humans. I ran into a problem recently, where I wanted to try dating more aquatic things. And let me tell you, if you just go on a dating app and you search for otters, you're not going to find what you expect to find.

Penny: 11:48

Oh Ha. And if you ever become interested in terrestrial creatures again, you might not find what you expect if you search for bears he so So Ooh, what's a day in your life look like? You know, an average day for ooh, the selkie

Uisce: 12:10

Oh well I'm glad you asked. Mostly I'm doing a lot of deep sea diving lately just kind of really getting to explore when when it gets dark, you really get a chance to kind of examine yourself what you want and you can also find like little bits of like decomposed sea kelp that are particularly delicious. I've also been kind of trying to hunt different species. Seals are carnivorous. So we do like our meat nice and red. taken quite a liking the penguins I've actually been kind of going around the the southern coast oceans as well. And they're really fun. They make lots of fun noises and you just kind of stack 'em up.

Penny: 12:45

Whoa, like a big mac of penguins

Uisce: 12:48

Like a big mac of penguins. They're actually they don't I was expecting them to taste like like human Oreos, but they don't which is a little bit of a shame because I do like human sweets. They make a lot of sense, but I'm gonna be honest, no cream filling. It's all blood.

Penny: 13:03

So penguins. Okay, I just want to be clear penguins do not taste like Oreos.

Uisce: 13:09

No they taste like meat and blood.

Penny: 13:11

Ok, well, you know, they are they are living creatures. So that makes a strange kind of sense. So you hunt the penguins do you do to do any preparation or it sounds like you eat them raw?

Uisce: 13:24

Yeah, I mean it it's not like I can cook them underwater. Like I know I know humans like to heat up their food to like safe temperatures and all that stuff.

Penny: 13:32

Yes

Uisce: 13:32

but when I'm when I'm when I've got my when I've got my sealskin on, I'm relatively immune to that sort of thing.

Penny: 13:37

Oh, I'm so curious.

Uisce: 13:39

They're a lot easier to eat and they're all more fun to eat. They're a lot stringier.

Penny: 13:43

Have you ever eaten penguin in while you're in human form? The penguins not in you know, human form he because that doesn't happen that we know of. But have you ever while you're in human form, eaten a penguin

Uisce: 13:56

you know, I thought I was once and then it just turned out to be duck, which is fine ducks tastes pretty good. It's probably the closest thing I could probably imagine. But I liked the little bit of extra fat that a penguin blubber affords you know, especially if you're going to be in the colder climate keeps you a lot. Warmer.

Penny: 14:13

It sounds very filling.

Uisce: 14:15

very filling. You have to kind of be careful if you eat two penguins. You're gonna be like out for a week.

Penny: 14:21

Oh, it's like like me with with cheeseburgers. Okay. We have so much in common. He so you you you hunt and eat food when you're in the water. What else is like an average day in your life? Like,

Uisce: 14:34

sometimes I'll go and I will beach myself on an ice floe or on a nice rock. And I will make really obnoxious noises all day long. Sometimes it's for mates. Sometimes it's like just like hearing the sound of my own voice. But it's it's a great way to just kind of pass the time and kind of make sure that you know that you're listening to yourself. You're you're hearing what you're putting out into the world and it also really annoys a lot of beachgoers too which is Great.

Penny: 15:00

Oh, so So that's you i I've been to beaches a few times, I was once visiting a place called San Diego, California and there is this lovely little cove in an area called La Jolla. And and there were seals on the beach and oh goodness, oh, they were so loud. I don't believe they were elephant seals, but they were making all kinds of noise and and causing all the tourists just great, great trouble. And and I was secretly delighted because the people that were there happened to be assholes. And I do so love it when assholes are annoyed.

Uisce: 15:38

You know, that's a really good point. But I have I have some unfortunate news to break to you is that the seals down there are also assholes. They're like,

Penny: 15:41

Oh,

Uisce: 15:41

what you're hearing is that, especially those down there, those are probably cat calls that I'm gonna be very, very blunt with you. They're they're shitheads, I would I would not I would not let them know that you're talking about them. It'll just raise their ego.

Penny: 16:02

Okay, so basically, it was asshole versus asshole.

Uisce: 16:05

Yeah, it's, I mean, it's like nice that you can kind of like pit them against each other. But like,

Penny: 16:09

okay, good to know. I'm very glad I decided to go to the beach in Del Mar. Much, much nicer. Okay, so So you like to? Well, it sounds to me like indulge in selkie self care, listening to yourself and finding your own voice and sharing it with the world. Oh, that's lovely. What else do you do on your average day?

Uisce: 16:30

Oh, well, I mean, that's mostly it. But I can I mean, I can talk a little bit about my human days when I'm when I spend time on on land.

Penny: 16:36

Oh, absolutely.

Uisce: 16:38

So every couple every couple of years, I you know, like get some wanderlust and I'm somebody you know, steals my skin hides it away. And then I'm like, Okay, you have to give it back. And they don't and it's kind of turns into like this little sort of back and forth argument. And sometimes we end up in a relationship sometimes I call the cops on them. Usually though, I don't have to do a whole lot. My human form is is very pretty underneath the underneath elephant seal, though not quite as pretty as elephant seal. And most of the time people just buy things for me all the time.

Penny: 17:07

Oh, wow. That That doesn't happen to Gorgons Oh, I'm kind of jealous he

Uisce: 17:12

I would expect you to have a lot of nice things like a lot of nice like statues and things keepsakes, things that people left behind

Penny: 17:19

I, I've had some statues in my life. We don't talk about all of them. And I do have nice things. And you know what? I worked for them. And I got them. But I must say no shade on you. If people want to give you things go for it, girl.

Uisce: 17:37

MmmHmm.

Penny: 17:37

So that's it's what what kind of things do do people give you?

Uisce: 17:41

Well, at first, usually they start with a whole bunch of things like they give me human flowers, which never tastes good. I don't really fully understand that. And then eventually figure out that I like like rocks and pebbles and things and they start giving you like shiny ones. And then like some of them are worth a lot of money. And some of them aren't. And I haven't fully figured out why because they're all just shiny rocks. And they laugh when I like put them in my mouth to kind of see how they kind of taste. But they also sometimes they come on like little loops and things and I can kind of wear them on parts of my body. And it's really fun. I don't like clothing, but like that, like rocks. I get rocks. And that's the kind of cool thing about human humans, you can just decorate yourself with all sorts of human garbage all the time.

Penny: 18:19

Yeah, it goes with their whole thing about clothing. They're very big fans of adorning themselves since they don't have I mean, I've thought about this a lot. I'm not sure why. But because they don't have snakes on their head or or beautiful seal skin or like a Sasquatch's soft, soft fur perhaps they're a little jealous of us and so they adorn themselves with clothing and and these rocks that that you speak of that's called jewelry. By the way. So many humans have so many wonderful pieces of jewelry. I I'd love to talk with you sometime about what some of those rocks are called, and maybe suggest you don't ingest them fully. They can really mess up your intestinal tract.

Uisce: 19:03

Yeah, one time I had to do that. I had to go to human doctor it was very uncomfortable.

Penny: 19:06

Oh yeah. Yeah, it's not. It's not pretty. Speaking of things we don't speak of,

Uisce: 19:11

they had to take like a Oh, you would know about this. They took a kind of snake and they wound it down my throat to kind of look for it.

Penny: 19:18

Oh, yeah, that that was not a snake like what a Gorgon has but I do believe humans call that process. Snaking when someone snaks a tube down a thing.

Forbes: 19:32

Uh, you know, like, anytime someone talks about snakes, I'm just saying we should get paid.

Penny: 19:37

No, no. Forbes, Forbes? No, you don't own the term snake. I'm sorry. Anyway, snakes. Thank you very much. I'd like to continue talking to my guest now. Remember, I will buy you doughnuts if you're quiet for the rest of the interview.

Duncan: 19:55

Doughnuts!!

Penny: 19:56

So So let's talk a little more about your interaction. with humans, like, they give you things that but like, steal your skin, if I ever saw it happen to have skin lying on the ground, I would fucking run, but they pick up your skin and put it in their sock drawer. Why?

Uisce: 20:16

I don't know, it's partially because it's really gorgeous. Like, you know, it makes that sound. But really, it ends up looking like a human fur coat, which again, I don't know why they don't just grow their own. But it looks very luxurious. It's, it's very nice and warm. And so my first thought was maybe that and then it turned out that some of them might want to like to steal it just to kind of keep me like, like, just to keep me in human form, which is really bizarre, like, I don't know, like, if I was a human, and I saw me as an elephant seal, I would take me home and let me sit in the bathtub and honk all day. That is that is that is how I expect them to act. But no, they just they want me to be person form. You know, once once they kind of do that I have to kind of like readjust. It's, you know, usually takes a couple days to kind of like readjust to the process of walking around land interacting with people not screaming at folks that I see on the street. And eventually, I kind of I kind of fit in and I you know I make connections I get a human job and usually don't have to be that good at it. People just kind of like let me do what I want. And then eventually I ended up looking in a sock drawer or going into the lost and found and I'm like ah it's my coat and then I put it on and I go back in the sea.

Penny: 21:31

Oh, I do love my human friends and I am fascinated by humans, but they can be very specie-ist sometimes so yes, they do prefer to be around other humans, but even even when they're amongst each other, they prefer to be around humans that look like themselves. It's it's quite it's quite I've always found that kind of odd. And sometimes troubling, but oh my god, they just want to keep you as a human. They really don't appreciate your seal self do they

Uisce: 22:04

No they don't. And that's that's a big reason why I'm trying to kind of explore and trying the more aquatic dating world right now. Because the humans they don't really see the real me they see. They see another human. Sometimes they see a mermaid with legs and the stuff that comes with legs. And let me tell you, I've talked to my mermaid friends. And they end up with a lot of questions that they don't want to answer. So we're all looking towards the sea right now.

Penny: 22:31

Okay, I really can't say I blame you. Well, one of the things that bugs me about my humans is they sometimes they want to touch my snakes. If they can be so rude. I try to chalk it up to innocence. But yeah, they can be really annoying sometimes and not appreciating our full monster selves.

Uisce: 22:54

Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. And that's an that's something I'm really looking for in an aquatic partner is somebody who doesn't make a big deal out of those sorts of things.

Penny: 23:03

Yeah. And human listeners, you know, I love you. But should you ever meet a mermaid? If they want to share personal details with you? Then please listen with an open mind. But don't be asking about their mermaid parts.

Uisce: 23:19

That's right humans. You know, if you saw the movie splash and you think it awakened something in you maybe talk to a real mermaid first. And then maybe kind of, you know, figure it out from there.

Penny: 23:29

I was. I was younger, he. But I remember when that movie came out in a theater, and I did not have any mermaid friends at the time. But I do remember hearing from the mermaid community that, yes, it was not the most accurate depiction of their full selves. So humans, do some research. But also be mindful of of asking questions that are too invasive. I think. Speaking as a Gorgon, I'm more open to a human who is obviously open minded. And then I'm happy to share with them details about being a Gorgon, but they kind of have to gain my trust. First is Does that make sense?

Uisce: 24:11

Yeah, it's definitely like there's a sort of feeling that you get when you like, meet a compatible partner. And they just kind of like they, you have the ability to drop your guard around them and be a little more authentic rather than, you know, trying to please those land walkers, single skin folk. There's just there's just too much to explain. And then you'd never know how they're gonna take any of it

Penny: 24:36

right. And, you know, humans amongst themselves, I wish that they would be more open and honest with each other and feel safe to be open and honest about their full selves. There's really not much different between monsters and humans sometimes, you know,

Uisce: 24:54

I like to keep that distance

Penny: 24:55

we all just want to be ourselves.

Uisce: 24:57

That is true, although I don't really like to be confused with Human that much.

Penny: 25:00

No, but whoever you are, you want to be able to be your full self.

Uisce: 25:05

Yes. Yeah. As if you like being a stinky weird human with a single skin. You should be a stinky, weird human with a single skin.

Penny: 25:12

Okay, they're not all stinky. Yeah.

Uisce: 25:16

I don't know, they don't smell. They don't smell nice to me. Sometimes I tell them, you know, why don't you just like roll around in dead fish for a little while, like, that'll really get my attention. But they all think I'm joking. Like, they're are they that opposed to like, trying to smell good? How do they get? I don't, I don't understand how they do mating. Sometimes.

Penny: 25:36

I, I couldn't tell you because well, like I encourage humans to watch it with the invasive questions. I too can be a little reluctant to ask for details, even though I am so curious sometimes about how they do the things that they do to make more humans. But I know I have the same olfactory senses that a human does. I look like a human with snakes on their head. So I will say that, well, we have different approaches to smell. You and I think it's safe to say things that might smell good to you might not smell good to me, for example, that the penguin house at the local zoo. Oh goodness, that's that's not a pleasant smell for me, but I'm going to assume it smells like a diner to you.

Uisce: 26:35

Meat! It's like, it's like when humans it's like when humans walked by a burger place. And they're like, Oh, you smell that? And I'm like, it smells like burnt. But they really like it. I don't get that. Like I would rather like sometimes I would go and walk around fisheries and things like that. And oh my gosh, it's like this. This one time I watched a human go through a botanical garden. And that was okay. I could I could tolerate that. But they were like, Oh, it smells so beautiful. And I'm like, Okay, it's plants. I don't know. Most of them aren't edible. I don't really know what the big deal is.

Penny: 27:09

Just Just think of them is is is kelp that grows on land.

Uisce: 27:13

Yeah. I mean, I've eaten some human vegetables. They're some of them are pretty good. Pretty good. I like

Penny: 27:19

It really depends on the preparation and the amount of butter and salt you put on them. But that's just me. We all have our favorites and they're all okay. So has your kind ever been we mentioned mermaids and how they've been depicted in in movies have your kind ever been depicted in in movies or on television?

Uisce: 27:41

Well we haven't really been too much in movies and television, we're mostly like a folklore type. So we're, we fly a little under the radar. In fact, a lot of people get me confused for a mermaid which is fair. They want to know where my fins are. I'm like, Oh, I left them with my skin and then they get weirded out. Again, don't really know why. But no, we were mostly just in folklore. And in I've seen some some books and comics and smaller media things people, I make an effort to look out for things that are like me, and there's some very cute things. Usually there's some kinds of like cautionary tales and to not mess with seals. But really, it's, it's, I think of them as tales of us attaining freedom. And I think there's like a real power to that. Sometimes we talk about cursing humans, and that's a whole other thing. We it's all just big talk. I don't know how to curse a human. I know how to curse at a human I just look at them. And I say, Fuck you, which is a great word that I learned in my last sojourn. A lot people use it to say like, I think it means your driving is bad.

Penny: 28:50

That is one of the meanings Yes.

Uisce: 28:52

Yeah. That makes that makes sense.

Penny: 28:54

It's, it's actually a remarkable human word. And that it is it can be a noun and a verb and an adjective. And, and it basically it fits all parts of speech and has multiple, multiple meanings. Human language is quite remarkable.

Uisce: 29:09

Oh, you mean that makes a lot of sense. I just thought I just thought men really liked cars and were just thinking about them all the time.

Penny: 29:18

Well, that's that's not completely not true. They do like their their motor vehicles but but then again, they don't have the ability to swim so fast in and gracefully through the water like you do and they're certainly clumsy as fuck getting around on land with those two legs. Of course I say this as a bipedal creature myself. We can be quite ungainly. I find watching seals move through the water to be so soothing and beautiful.

Uisce: 29:50

Well that's that's the that's the funny thing too is that I actually have several children who I believe are successful sailors nowadays. I don't know if if viewers know this, but the children of selkie tend to have webbed fingers and are expert navigators. Oh, so my kids, whoever, whatever your names are, whoever you are out there, mommy's real proud of you. And don't come look for me.

Penny: 30:11

So you interact with humans? Do you interact a lot with other monsters or cryptids?

Uisce: 30:19

Oh, yeah. Mostly mermaids and other selkies sometimes, you know, hanging with the selks is pretty great. You know, we hang out, we party, but sometimes they get a little rowdy. And the mermaids are nice for that, because I can hang out with them. And mostly what we do is we sit on rocks, and we make fun of people we see. People watching is really fun, especially since they usually don't know what to look for. So like, we're just like, I'm the seal. And usually they can, like hide behind me or like underwater. And we just kind of listen to the dumb conversations we have. Sometimes we hang out like near piers. And the best part is when like, human relationship drama goes on near the ocean that happens so often, and it is, it is the best. So yeah, it's mostly mostly mermaids and selkies. Sometimes I run into other folks on the land, but I don't really super make it a point at that point.

Penny: 31:09

Okay. Oh, so So, like me, I must confess. We do like that human drama. Don't we?

Uisce: 31:18

Human TV has a lot of it too. It's really, it's really wonderful.

Penny: 31:21

Oh, yes, yes. Human entertainment is just chef's kiss. If you could be another monster, or cryptid or what humans consider any kind of supernatural creature what would you be?

Uisce: 31:40

Oh, gosh, that's a really good question. You know, I've thought about it. I do really like being in the water. And I do like on being on people's minds a lot. So I was thinking like, I heard of these like gigantic things that leak of of like, deep deep under the sea. And to get to be that and like to drive people mad. That sounds like my kind of ideal.

Penny: 32:00

Oh, you're talking about the I'm looking left and right. You're talking about the old ones.

Uisce: 32:09

Yeah, I've never met any they seem really fascinating though. If you know any, please hook me up. I want to see if I can get some some supernatural mind control vibes.

Penny: 32:22

Oh, my goodness. I'm not even sure if they're actually real, or if that's something that that one asshole human made up. But you know what? I could ask my ancestor Medusa, if if I ever get brave enough to to talk to her. She's kind of awe inspiring. I can ask her because if anybody would know if Cthulhu is real, it would be Medusa.

Uisce: 32:46

MmHmm.

Penny: 32:46

So I'll put that request in for you. As soon as I'm able.

Uisce: 32:51

Wonderful.

Penny: 32:52

What is something that that scares you? What's What's your worst fear?

Uisce: 32:58

Well, lately, I've been thinking a lot in terms of what I really appreciate about being in the ocean and being free. And and really, I don't want my skin getting stolen again. If it's bound to happen, and that's kind of a scary thing. But that's that's what really spooks me is that is that, you know, somebody comes along and they decide, oh, I want this and they just take it from me, because they think it's just some fur coat somebody left there. So my one fear is kind of getting locked back into being a human again. It's not it's not really something I like the ability to kind of make that change and be free. Anytime I need to be

Penny: 33:32

you. You should be in charge of your own body. Yes. Yeah, that's that I can absolutely see that being just a terrifying thought.

Uisce: 33:42

Oh, absolutely.

Penny: 33:43

So when you have fears like that, and when you look around you at this difficult time in the world, what's something that gets you through it?

Uisce: 33:52

Um, well, a lot of times it's television. I watch a lot of very trashy human television

Penny: 33:58

Oh there's so much

Uisce: 33:59

Granted people have-- Yeah, right. There's there's so much out there and granted, I've been told it's not the healthiest thing, but really sometimes just sitting down and vegging through the dark times, grabbing like a big ol like bucket of fried fish or something like get just get that good greasy human food and just kind of shovel it down in there. And honestly, that's how I get through it. Just you just got to you've got to live up the excess until you find the strength. Just keep looking for that coat.

Penny: 34:29

Hey, whatever works. I'm with you there. What advice would you give to your fellow monsters and what advice would you give to humans?

Uisce: 34:39

Sure. So for other monsters, I think it's really important that we get some take some time and really get to know ourselves really make sure to connect with our roots. If you like some kind of like Hunter creature, go out in the night. Kill a few humans people won't notice they're missing. You know, if something's part of your nature relish in it. Don't be ashamed of who you are.

Penny: 35:03

Yeah,

Uisce: 35:04

For humans don't mess with things you don't understand. Stay away.

Penny: 35:09

I think that's good. It's good advice. Um, as for humans, not noticing other humans missing. I'm not going to say why I know that that's true. I'm just going to say that some humans will notice new statues in their neighborhood, but not notice that their neighbors haven't said hello, and quite some time. And I must say that is definitely advantageous to some of us. I'm not going to say who though of course not goodness no. Well, thank you so much. Ooh,

Uisce: 35:40

Of course,

Penny: 35:40

hehe saying your name is just so delightful.

Uisce: 35:44

Isn't it?

Penny: 35:45

So now it's time please, please stick around. If you'd like to see your future, and I say this very take take this with what humans would call a grain of salt. It's time to look into the future with my Oh, so delightful. Roommate. Sibyl. Hi Sibyl.

Sibyl: 36:05

Hi, Penny. And Ooh! I love your name. Ooh, it's pretty awesome.

Uisce: 36:10

Oh thank you. I love the whole vibe you've got going on.

Sibyl: 36:13

Oh, thank you. You know, I heard that you call humans was it one skin

Uisce: 36:19

One skin yeah

Sibyl: 36:19

or single skins? Yeah, I tend to call pretty much everyone else two eyes because they don't see with their third eye. And yeah, I mean, it's it's pretty awesome to be able to see what the gods want to show me. And they are very generous in what they show me.

Uisce: 36:38

It does sound pretty fantastic.

Penny: 36:39

Yeah, I love it.

Uisce: 36:41

What have I got in store for

Penny: 36:42

love it when Sibyl insults the fact that I have two eyes? Yes, please, please read the horoscope, Sybil and try to be less insulting,

Sibyl: 36:49

although technically you do have a lot more than two eyes with the snakes. But none of them are a third eye that the gods give you visions through. So they're not very useful.

Uisce: 36:59

Are you saying the gods give you the visions you don't get them yourself?

Sibyl: 37:02

No, it's my third eye is basically just what I call my connection to the divine. So the way that it works is that I ingest a mind altering substance to open that way. And then they send me visions of what they think I need to know. And they Well, they love me. So they have shown me everything I've needed to get this far in life. And you know, if I need some money, I can just go to the track and I can see which horse is going to win. And that works out pretty well. So

Uisce: 37:34

Wow that sounds really handy. What do you do if the gods don't like you anymore?

Sibyl: 37:40

Oh, I don't know. That's never come up. I don't see it coming up anytime soon.

Uisce: 37:44

Okay, fair enough. Do what I do, just rip off your skin and run into the sea. It works pretty well.

Sibyl: 37:48

Oh, I'll figure something out if that ever happens, but I doubt it will. So anyway. So my role in this podcast is to do everyone's favorite segment the horoscope.

Uisce: 37:59

Of course.

Sibyl: 37:59

And as such, I don't give individual visions to people, I get a collective vision for all of a certain sign at the same time. And then that vision is kind of a combo of all of their futures, which means that a lot of the time, it's even more like vague and cryptic than a lot of the visions you might have heard of Oracles having in stories, but it is going to cover a lot more listeners that way. Because if I tried to do it one listener at a time, it would just it would take a lot more time than I really want to spend in this closet.

Uisce: 38:35

Of course.

Penny: 38:37

She gets high and

Sibyl: 38:37

Ooh! What is your sign?

Penny: 38:38

makes shit up? So So yeah, you can call it visions from the gods if you want but she gets high and make shit up. So go ahead. Get, high. Make shit up Sybil.

Uisce: 38:48

Yeah. And then share with me whatever you got later.

Sibyl: 38:52

Well, today I am I drank some tea made with the bark of a tree that was struck by lightning. So I don't know if it would impact people who aren't oracles and don't have a third eye to connect to the gods. So I don't know if sharing it would be really worthwhile but you are welcome to try some if you want. I do have some left.

Uisce: 39:12

Okay.

Sibyl: 39:13

So Ooh what, what astrological sign are you do you know?

Uisce: 39:17

I happen to be a Pisces!

Sibyl: 39:19

Ah, okay, perfect. So I'm going to do Pisces first out of respect for our guest. And the tea is starting to kick in. And the gods are sending me visions. I see a figure dancing on a rooftop lit by neon lights from all directions. So I don't know if this means that you're going to be coming back to being human and be literally in a city somewhere. But I kind of doubt it in your case because this just screams freedom to me. I mean, this, this silhouetted figure just looks very joyful and free in the way that She is dancing. So I think that's a good sign in your case. Ooh, I don't know about other Pisces,

Uisce: 40:05

well, then I'm going to scream extra loud tonight

Sibyl: 40:07

perfect.

Penny: 40:09

Or

Uisce: 40:09

beach house has been having a lot of marital problems and I feel like it'll just probably exacerbate them.

Sibyl: 40:14

Oh, that sounds like fun.

Penny: 40:16

I think I regret putting you two together right now. Anyway, what's next Sibyl.

Sibyl: 40:21

All right, so it's time for the rest of the horoscopes. Aries is up next. Aries. This is one of the more mechanical ones. These have been popping up a lot my visions lately. I don't know if it's just time marching on and technology taking over. But this one, it looks kind of like a hippopotamus in like a mech suit. It's kind of steampunk. It's very interesting. I don't know what this means for you all. Aries probably some of you are going to get some new kind of techie toys and some of you are going to go on some kind of weird rampage. I don't know. But if if it helps the hippo looks like he's having fun

Uisce: 41:00

Hippos are known for having a great party.

Sibyl: 41:03

Oh, yeah. Do you know any hippos?

Uisce: 41:05

A couple times. Yeah, they're like semi aquatic creatures. So yeah, we hang out sometimes.

Sibyl: 41:10

Very cool. So maybe, you know, some of those hippos are Aries and this is just a literal picture of their future. Taurus is next Taurus. I see a city floating in the sky. But it's also a reflected city. So it's, it's sort of mirror image of itself in a double kind of sense. I have no idea how to interpret this Taurus. I feel like there are a lot of ways that this could go for your future. Good and bad. So you know, good luck.

Penny: 41:37

Good luck Taurus with that bullshit nonsense. Okay, what's next?

Sibyl: 41:41

Gemini, Gemini. I am seeing a fossil dig. And it looks like they are digging up a skeleton that is wearing a feather boa. I don't know if that how far in the future this is looking. So you know, this might be a long time from now.

Uisce: 41:54

Sounds pretty fabulous to me.

Sibyl: 41:55

Yeah, it is pretty fabulous. It's very colorful boa. Oh, all right. cancer, cancer. I see. It looks like a bed like with a curtains around it a canopy. And a homemade quilt. It looks very, very cozy. But in the bed. It kind of looks like well, this is giving me a little red riding hood vibes. And like, this is the wolf dressed as the grandmother, because there are definitely you know, big teeth and big ears and all of the Oh my What big parts you have from that story. So it's a little bit hard to tell if that's supposed to be you cancer and you're going to be, you know, surprising someone by being a wolf in an old lady's clothing, or if that's something you're going to run into, or what this means, but

Uisce: 42:46

You eat that weird red child. That's how I interpret Yeah, you should you should eat that weird red dress child.

Sibyl: 42:52

Oh, yeah. For for those of you cancer that that is representing you. I think that taking Oooh's advice is perfectly valid.

Penny: 42:59

human listeners, please don't eat your children. As far as I know, that's very frowned upon in human society. Okay, I just wanted to put that out there.

Uisce: 43:08

Yeah, I can confirm

Penny: 43:09

you don't do not want to be responsible for encouraging humans to eat their children. That kind of stuff is left to the Titans. Okay. Anyway, what's next Sybil. And please don't let it involve eating human children.

Sibyl: 43:21

Oh, it doesn't look like it. Well, well, maybe it's Leo. That's next. And Leo. I see a piece of newspaper. And it looks like some Well, there's some blood on it. It looks like someone was using this newspaper to wrap body parts. There is a little bit like I think that might be a thumb. So there are definitely some body parts and they do look pretty human.

Penny: 43:43

Oh, no. Oh, no. This is No. No. Can Can. Can you have a vision of fields and and flowers or something? Please?

Sibyl: 43:54

Oh, Close. Close. Not quite. But Virgo. For Virgo, I am seeing a beautiful babbling brook that is going past a lovely cave. And this one. It looks very peaceful and like you're going to be spending some time in nature.

Uisce: 44:10

That sounds nice.

Penny: 44:11

That sounds much nicer and a lot less likely to get this podcast sued. Okay, what's next?

Sibyl: 44:19

Libra Libra. I am seeing this one is very pretty. It kind of looks like a painting like I don't know. I don't know human artists all that well. But it looks kind of like an old man who's looking down but the colors and everything are running. So it kind of looks like he's melting and he has too many hands

Uisce: 44:38

or not enough hands.

Penny: 44:39

Mm, yeah, depends on how many hands you think you have

Sibyl: 44:41

That's possible. Yeah, he has. It looks like about five hands.

Uisce: 44:46

Yeah, that's a that's a good human number, I think. Wait hands or fingers

Sibyl: 44:50

Hands

Uisce: 44:50

Oh,

Sibyl: 44:51

so lots of fingers.

Penny: 44:52

That's five hands is no, that's too many.

Uisce: 44:55

Yeah, yeah. Okay. Anyway.

Sibyl: 44:57

All right. Next up is Scorpio scorpio I am seeing looks like a baby sitting in, you know, one of those baby chair things with the table in front of them that it's feed their human children.

Penny: 45:10

It's called a high chair

Sibyl: 45:10

Yeah, whatever. So there's a baby in a tall chair. And there are a bunch of knives on the table in front of the baby this I don't know corrupted innocence or impending danger. All kinds of things could come out of this one Scorpio.

Uisce: 45:27

Don't trust your life guard. Yeah, because they sit in those tall chairs.

Sibyl: 45:30

That's true. Yeah. Could be could be a reference to that. For some of them.

Penny: 45:34

No, just No, no. And why did the gods hate human children all of a sudden, what is going on?

Sibyl: 45:41

I don't know. Maybe it's the tree that I got the bark from for the tea. Often my visions will have a theme that is somehow associated with whatever substance I ingested. So who knows? Maybe that tree really didn't like people, or human children.

Penny: 45:55

Okay. Yeah,

Sibyl: 45:56

I'm sure there are trees that eat human children that seems well within the reasonable range of reality, okay. Sagittarius no Sagittarius. I am seeing a human person. And they are it's like an up close vision of their face. And they're wearing glasses. And one of their eyes has been replaced by a couple of dice. They look like D sixes.

Uisce: 46:21

That sounds very fashionable.

Sibyl: 46:22

Yeah, kind of does.

Zappa: 46:23

No,

Sibyl: 46:24

I mean, I wouldn't be able to call them two eyes, but one eye I guess still not as good as having a third.

Penny: 46:29

This is more than I can take.

Sibyl: 46:30

But yeah, I don't know what that means. Dice is going to be chance or luck or something like that. So who knows? Good or bad. Capricorn. Capricorn. I see a desert wasteland with a lot of litter in it. So I don't know. Maybe you're you're getting a generic vision of global warming, but doesn't look great. No, no. Yeah. No, no dead babies.

Uisce: 46:54

This global warming can stop. I'm not I'm not a fan

Sibyl: 46:57

even I don't like it makes the visions really, really boring. And if I look that far ahead. Alright, Aquarius. This is our last one I am seeing it looks like a cartoon cat taking a bath in confetti. So probably a good thing. I can't think of a negative interpretation of this.

Penny: 47:16

No, I can. I can't either. Though. Sybil. Let's talk about the future of the planet at some point, since you seem to know what's coming.

Sibyl: 47:26

Well, it's pretty far off

Uisce: 47:27

Sibyl! You could do that. Or you could come hang out with me and the mermaids at the dock later today. How's that sound?

Sibyl: 47:34

Oh, that sounds awesome. Yeah, I would love that

Uisce: 47:36

and maybe you could use your power to like see the futures of couples and then we can scream out what how their relationships are going to end as they're ending.

Sibyl: 47:43

That sounds like so much fun. I would love that. I'm going to get your well actually I can get your phone number from the gods. And then I'm going to text you my information.

Uisce: 47:52

Sounds cool. Let's hang,

Sibyl: 47:54

Perfect

Penny: 47:54

I'm going to be busy doing something else.

Uisce: 47:58

Thank you so much for having me on. Penny.

Penny: 48:00

Oh, you are so so welcome. Thank you. Thank you Siyl for the horoscope and thank you Ooh

Sibyl: 48:07

no problem

Penny: 48:07

the selkie for letting our listeners know. Just more about your authentic self. This was really lovely. Thank you so much.

Uisce: 48:17

Thank you.

Penny: 48:18

And thank you to all of our listeners. You know what? Take some time to take care of yourself and just embrace who you are. Whether you're a monster or human, or just someone with two eyes, which is perfectly fine Sybil.

The Gorgon show with me. Penny cephalonia is a proud member of the Faustian nonsense network. You can find us on Twitter at at Gorgon show, or email us with questions and comments at Gorgon show at Faustian. nonsense.com All music in the Gorgon show is by TJ The Empathic vampire. You can find more of his work linked in the show notes. Thank you for listening to the Gorgon show

Transcribed by https://otter.ai